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landed on my porch chair

>>689248977
fuck it + timestamp

>>689249048
how about you fuck it

>>689248977
Cut head off

>>689249365
Da fuck

Time to step in his little birdie footsteps OP

>>689248977
Its not his fault that you clean your windows with windex everyday

He needs a proper burial

microwave it

>>689248977
Pluck it and make some homemade... whatever the fuck kind bird that is-wings.

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Fuck this retard survival of the fittest

>>689248977
He didn't see that coming.

>>689249551
This

Little Retard deserves a respectful funeral

He might be stil be alive, just stunned.

w8 4 it...

These fuckers have broken so many of my windows.

Downy woodpecker

>>689249748
>Says /b/tard

Kek'd

>>689249139
this

>>689249866
Dubs never lie

Do it OP

>>689248977
rest well puppers

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Y'all are twisted af

>>689248977
Dude, I think your cat is sick.

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>>689250351
My cats are just fine

>>689250332
O.o

>>689250332
Op, Space program

>>689248977
You sure he's dead and just not knocked out?

>>689250831
Such a brave bird.

bust a nut on it.

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Viking funeral

>>689250976
His eyes are just starting to get crusty and there's no flies or ants eating him up yet. Must've happened a few hours ago at the least

Microwave it, friendo.
Or give it to cats.

give him a viking funeral

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>>689248977
>>689249044
>>689249800
>>689249866
>>689251099
>>689251233
This bird sacrificed himself so we can have these dubs

>>689251233
>>689251510
Don't I need to be near water for that? I live up in the mountains m8, no bodies of water out here. At least that I know of.

Drench it with butane, set it on fire and throw it in the street

>>689248977

Poor little burd. He kinda looks like a woodpecker with that red stripe.

OP, as a bird enthusiast, who enjoys watching birds but also realizes they're kinda dumb (which is also why they're entertaining) I suggest whatever you do with him doesn't desecrate his remains. Either bury him, or tie balloons to him and send him to space, or prop him up in a funny pose or something, but leave the lighter and hammer out of it >>689250332

I will now try and determine what kind of bird this is, what state you in OP?

>>689249921

Yeah. They're notoriously retarded in mynneck of the woods. (Rural Kentucky).

>>689251691
Don't you have a sink or tub?

>>689249921
beat me to it

>>689251841
I live up in the mountains of Ramona, it's just outside of San Diego. Yes, I live in commiefornia.

>>689251841
its a downy woodpecker

>>689251822
viking funeral

>>689251841
I only brought out the hammer and lighter for clickb8 so don't worry m8 :^) I would never do something like that, even to a carcass.

run nude at a mosque while screaming and throw the bird at it

>>689252115
sure looks like it!

>>689252115

I didn't realize >>689249921 this post was serious. I thought the downy was in reference to him being retarded. Pretty burd.

>>689252274
Good. I've been on 4chan long enough I don't mind you doing goofy shit with a dead bird, but don't be a monster about it. I vote you get balloons and send him to space, but I understand it's Sunday so that might be hard to pull off, so maybe you should just bury him and leave a funny grave marker with whatever name you (or we) can come up with for him

No harm, no fowl.

Do the right thing - put him in plastic bag and chuck him in your garbage can.

>>689251841
>>689252274
>>689252274
Bury him at least a foot deep so animals don't dig him up. If you live by a woods though you can leave it out and let raccoon's foxes or whatever is around to have a meal circle of life. Finally you can make a fire life up all the embers put in bird and drop embers so you don't see the bird burn up.

True story about this bird though, when I first moved into this place back in august of 2014, this fucker would bash himself into the window constantly. He would perch himself on top of the back of the chair and swoop up and just body slam himself into the window over and over. It seemed like he didn't like me moving in here. But funnily enough, it seems that these actions have led to his demise.

Good riddance little retard.

Just huck it it the toilet and let your cats have at it

Nice dog

>>689252823
>>689252692

You got beat nigger, read the thread if you're gonna try and av a giggle m8

Tie a long string around it flush the toilet and reel it in a few times until you see poopoo on it

>>689253176
I don't think that's how sewage drainage systems work anon.

>>689253135
No harm, no fowl.

>>689248977
S P A C E P R O G R A M
P
A
C
E

P
R
O
G
R
A
M

>>689254053
How does one space program?

>>689253657
He'll just have to keep at it until he has to take a shit

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>>689254181
Its kinda just sitting there. I really don't want to touch it if I don't have to.

>>689254120
>get baloons
>tie 'baloons to burd
>send burd on a space adventure

>>689254447
Just tie some balloons around his little feets

>>689254855

He shall return to the skies from which he was borne

>>689254855
Check'd

>>689254851
>>689254855
he probably weighs like what, quarter of a pound? how much helium would I need to fly this bitch

>>689255165
Like two heliums

>>689255244

AT MOST

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Sleep tight birdo.

Bury him OP, or give him a viking funeral and burn it up.

>>689248977
in the ass it goes, OP
no lube.
Until there's nothing left sticking out

>>689255847
rr
888

>>689255881
rr

>>689255933
dubs, yessss
do it

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>>689255165
>>689255244
>>689255373

Please use caution. My research indicates that that many heliums in close proximity could be very dangerous, as helium is one of the most volatile gasses commonly found at a birthday party.

>>689255999
in ass, OP

>>689255847
There's only been doubles in this thread, nothing happens until trips. No forced or rerolls. It must be natural.

>>689248977
Microwave time

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Turn him into one of those "Sleep tight, niggo" memes or whatever.

>>689255165
well, if one kg is 1m3 of helium, and 2.2 lbs in kg, then about 1/8 ish of kg, so 1/8 m3 of a helium

so something that has dimensions sim ilar to 1 ft by 2 ft, by 1 ft would work, but since roundeness, not enough

use 2, MAYBE 3 heliums

>>689256119
OP confirmed autist, nothing will ever happen. Abandon thread

>>689256119
oh... then eat it.

chop up and put pieces in dik

stick in ass

>>689256666
eat it, without any ketchup

Bird in pooper

>>689256664
god fucking damnit....

feed it too pet cats.

>>689256664
Close

>>689249044
Time to practice taxidermy and keep him as friend forever

>>689256777
stuff it into your ass, using mustard as lube.

>>689256691
Rollerb

>>689248977
dubs and you eat it

>>689256888
chop off head, send in mail to a girl you know, and suck the guts out through the neck

post images on tumblr, as well

>>689256911
Is 911 a win?

>>689256999
cut it into pieces and post it on tumblr with popular feminist tags

helium balloon it too the gods. do it fag and become legend.

>>689257111
cut it into pieces and insert all of it into urethra

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>>689248977

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>>689257001

up thre ass

>>689251233
>>689257026
>Viking funeral in the sky

>>689257026
>hurr durr do something tons of people have done before you and become top meme

put it in neighbours mailbox

>>689248977
it was trying to get to your head to make a nest...

>>689248977
sleep tight birdo

give it a get well soon card, written on paper, put it on some girl's doorstep.
also post pics to tumblr on feminist tags

>>689257202
Viking downy woodpecker space program funeral

stuff up asshole with ketchup

>>689257269
fuck oath mate, look at the other current threads going on today, its a snore fest.

>>689257445
fucking lmfao and so fucking close

rolling for light it on fire and post pics to tumblr

Press (X) for Respect

you know...
I think it'd be suffice to just cut/grind it up and post pics to tumblr with a thumbs up,.

of course still using fem tags

>>689256691
roll

>>689248977
What kind of pupper is this?

eat it

>>689257475
>implying that lighting a dead bird on fire or tying it to a balloon and releasing it to the heavens will be any more thrilling than the trap threads or loli threads happening on /b/ 24/7

>>689257777
stuff it up ass and post pics to tumblr

>>689257657
the sleep tight kind

>>689257771
fucking SHIT!!!!!!!!!

just eat it....

>>689257700
>implying it won't

>>689257888
chop up and post pics on facebook including profile.
post reactions

>>689256282
NICE BALLS CHIMPO

stick holes in it until it bleeds out.
post pics to tum
GET

>>689257999
rip head off
eat guts
pics to tum

>>689257657
>What kind of pupper is this?

Its a kind of woodpecker. OP must live in or around Oklahoma.

BIRD IN POOPER WITH HOT SAUCE

>>689257700
well, yes.

>>689257997
shi-fuck!!!!!!

stic it up ass with lemon juice

>>689258111
up ass with vodka or liquor

tie it to a rock, propped up so it looks like it's trying to get away
light on fire
pics -> tumblr

>>689256282
NICE BALLS CHIMPO

>>689258333
up the ass.
use mayo as lube

>>689256364

Solid math. I'd go with 2 and a half heliums to be on the safe side.

>>689258333
microwave it 10 mins

>>689257445
Re

cook it on stove.
eat in ntween toast

OP please spread the birds little ass open and take a picture

555
stick skewers through it
blood
pics to tumblr
fem tags

>>689258488
Kek roll

>>689258555
up ass

This happened to a bird at my place once, was on the deck for a few hours. When I was getting ready to clean him up so I could let the dogs out the fucker was up walking around. I waited a little longer because he couldn't fly yet and one of my doggos would have eaten it. About 30 minutes later it takes off and flies into a tree and KOs himself into some thick hydrangeas. Couldn't find him when I looked. Yeah, birds are dumb.

TL;DR he honestly might still be knocked retarded

>>689258488
hmmmm
prop upside down. tape to wall, wings spread
stick birthday cantle or match in ass.
light
pics to tumblr with thumbs up
fem tags

>>689248977
A bird did this right in front of me and my girlfriend of 8 months on a store window on our first date

cut it up and nicely place pieces into ass.
pics to tumblr

>>689258778
lol

light on fire.
video
post to tumblr
and /b

>>689258999
stick things through it and post pics to tumblr

Shove bird in your anus for 3 hours, let marinate, take bird out, put in microwave on high for 5 minutes, eat bones feathers eyes and all

>>689248977
Put it in your butt.

Let him free. He deserves freedom

>>689258985
lmfao

chop off head, squeeze guts into baster of turk
squeeze bird guts up dik
pics to tum

>>689259111
gut it
pics to tum

bury it with a little cross of sticks.

>in your neighbour's yard

Put banger in bird's pooper
Put safety goggles on
Light banger

>>689259222
fucking hell......

I posted that as a joke...

well, at ;least do it and post pics, OP...

hahahha
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnNuaKn-u7k

>>689259222
Win

What a dick. I bet it left a mark

>>689259387
>hahahha
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnNuaKn-u7k
7 views...

>>689249748
Topkek

Remove feathers and guts, cut off head, throw it on the BBQ and grill it up and eat it.

waiting for op

>>689259222
how do I make a cross with sticks?

>>689259860
duct tape

>>689256282
Nice balls chimpo

OP, cum on it.

>you don'have to touch the bird unless you want to lick the cum off of it once you've blown your load

>>689260039
Ftw... space funeral would have been better.

>>689259860
yup, this works:
>>689260039

or scotch tape, bread ties, pipe ties, pipe cleaners, rubber bands, etc.
string?

doesn't have to be big, just enough to let your neighbours know there's a dead animal there

Is op almost back from the helium store?

>>689256282
tfw you already have testicular cancer

>>689260246
no, the winner was my retarded GET

>>689259222

I really just wanted OP to shock tumblr and post its guts up his ass...

but whatever

suicide bomber gone wrong

>>689249735
Quail? Pheasant ?

>>689260444
nam e it 4 when you bury it
use on cross

>>689260207
well, I rent out a part of my landlords property so technically all of the yard around my is my neighbors.. right?

>>689260495
just bury it across the street or at the next house over.

not the house you live in.

Still waiting for OP

>>689248977
Give it proper burial

>>689260685
or just get dirt, put in a pot or something, and leave it at one of the other tenant's doors

>>689260495
Bury little retard already, make a little paper with date of his life and his name..

>>689260188
At spread his tail feathers so we can see his little cloaca. I've never seen a woodpecker butt.

>>689260685
>>689260770
oh fuck it I don't even care anymore.

just bury the damn thing and post pics.
also oin tumblr.
if you can, post something that will trigger the fems

>>689260921
Hahaha haha

Bump. Op. U better fuckin deliver

RIP birdo. One of the neighborhood cats must've gotten him while I was finding the sticks for the cross.

>>689261428
Fake. Op named bird. Fuck off twat

>>689256282
NICE BALLS CHIMPO

>>689254447
If you tie balloons to it, make sure to use the "get well soon" ones.

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He's been here longer than I thought. God this smells.

Natural selection

>>689262573

ROLLING FOR SPACE PROGRAM

>>689262573
hundreds of little maggots and tons of these huge ass worm looking things. are these all maggots? wtf

>>689262573
better bury him quick then

>>689262573
>>689262760
He's right. Quick, before he comes back

>>689262573
eat it raw

>>689263111
stuff up ass worms and all

>>689253176
There is no other reason to do this than doing this.

Do this so this will be done OP.

>>689262573
Do space program.

Why bury him? It's not like more worms will come?

>>689262890
Quick because of the smell you idiot.

>>689256282
NICE BALLS CHIMPO

>>689262573
Put the maggots into your peen.

>>689262573
We need SPACE PROGRAM

>>689263790
dude i REFUSE to touch this thing in order to tie some string on it. fuck that dude. these maggots are EVERYWHERE and the smell is unbearable. I closed my screen door because it was so bad.

>>689256282
Nice balls chimpo

>>689262573
Light it on fire while space program

>>689264047
Fagit.

>>689264047
up myour fucking ass op

eat it you twat bastard

>>689264047
then suck the mahggots out and add some perfume

>>689264440
fuck....

stick mags in peen
bird up ass

>>689256282
Nice balls chimpo

grill it all

>>689262573
burn it, easy choice OP

>>689248977
Put him in someone elses mailbox.

>>689256282
nice balls chimpo

stuff it all in ass
with mustard

>>689256282
Nice balls chimpo

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>>689260339

>>689256282
Nice balls, chimpo

>>689249471
kek

>>689254966
I will check these

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>>689256282
Nice balls chimpo

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>>689256282
i got this

>>689256282
NICE MALLS PIMPO

>>689264047
Give us another photo.

>>689256282
nice balls chimpo

if it's so rotten, put some applesauce or sugar on top of it.
It'll make it awesome

post pics on tumblr.

>>689266333
add food to it and post the rot onto tumblr

>>689266333
of fuck yeah, OP.
you can't deny self-get trips

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>>689266333
wtf is this magic?

Are you going to post a new photo or not?

>>689256282
Nice balls chimpo

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>>689266333

has OP done anything yet

Cum on dead bird

>>689267086
He probably left because none of us were being helpful at all.

OP IS A FAG

HE'LL JUST LEAVE THE BIRD THERE TO ROT

GO TO BED /b/

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>>689266333
>>689266333
>>689266333