Mexithread
Duró bastante el anterior thread
Entrenle
>>595276373
chale me ganaste :/
me tarde haciendo mi imagen
Alright /b/ I've walked this earth nearly 20 years, and I still don't have a tattoo, if one of you faggots can roll quads, you decide my first tattoo. OP will deliver.
Roll
Cock on your forehead
ITT: we create a lifehack and post it all over tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, other inferior social media sites.
Post ending with 69, 22 or 87 decides what the lifehack is. Unless it's faggotry.
Bump out of interest
>>595263974
Bamp
>>595263974
take a bottle cap off a soda bottle, and swallow it to gain bird-chirping abilities!
what is the worst thing you've fapped to?
animals
Dead animals
Dead animals fucking dead animals
BBW/Chubby/Fat thread 2
ready for the warm cream filling
old thread >>595232841
>>595256901
Pics you shouldnt have/share thread. Last one 404ed, OP of this pic please keep going!
>>595253727
Heres another of her, please get back in here
>>595253897
last one i have of her
Post the third pic in your fap folder.
Pic related, it's mine.
Teacher wants a powerpoint done on 5 most memorable photographs from one of the world wars or vietnam. I want something that will make this bitch say "what the actual fuck did this kid find?" Anybody care to help a /b/ro out?
ITT: Short stories
>Be 11
>Playing hide and seek with a couple bros, Codename Bronson (Lives at the place)
and Codename Lammar (Visitor like me)
>Annoying ass neighbor shows up
>Kid's fucking 7, codename ShitGolem
>No prob let's just mislead him into leaving us alone
>"ShitGolem, you count to 100 very slowly, we will hide!"
>L shaped couch, the gods listen to our prayers
>Bronson just walks off to wait till the kid finishes
>Lammar and I hide behind the small crevice between couchcurve/wallcorner, ShitGolem would never figure it out.
>Once he finishes, kid's fucking hyped as if Mercury himself descended and bestowed upon him the speed of a sunbeam
>Bronson shows up, motherfucking great actor
>"ShitGolem, they just left"
>Intense silent-kek behind couch
>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THEY DIDN'T"
>Bronson is chill, goes like "They just did, you can look around"
>ShitGolem rampages, searching through the house like he had lost his family among the chairs
>"THEY DIDN'T LEAVE, I KNOW IT" starts crying
>Me and Lammar exchanging thoughts like "Nigga this guy's a joke"
>Bronson's uncle arrives just in time, catching the kid amidst cries of anger and dismay
>"BRONSON WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO"
>Intense shouting and berserk rage just beyond couch seats
>Threat Level rises considerably
>Bronson starts crying, ShitGolem basks in the sadness he has brought upon our friend
>Me and Lammar going fucking silentbananas behind the couch. "Nice meeting you bro" our eyes said
>ShitGolem is satisfied, enough hatred for a day, proceeds to leave the house
>Me and Lammar like "We lost Bronson, but achieved success"
>Bronson's uncle then rises, with fury worthy of godhood
>"IF I SEE YOUR FRIENDS AROUND HERE, I WILL PERSONALLY DRAG THEM OUT"
>Just beyond couch, deathly chills overtake our bodies. This might be it
>Bronson get's sent to sob in his room while his uncle rages around the couch
>Thinking of writing diary "Behind the couch: Day 1"
>Bronson's Uncle leaves for glass of water
>>continued
>>595251827
Bump
>>595251827
Continuing:
>"LAMMAR, OPPORTUNITY"
>Casually jump out from behind couch
>Room completely empty, too good to be true, expecting trickery at work
>Uncle just steps in, no emotions.
>"Oh hey there Lammar. Hey [Me]. Bronson is grounded for the day, maybe you should come back tomorrow"
>Lammar and I shaking like hypothermic snakes
>Man possesses no emotions
>Proceed to walk out of house unscathed
>Basking in glory
>Went to my house, Lammar went to his
>Had a great night of sleep
Epilogue:
-Bronson was alive the day after that, which was impressive by itself
-Lammar took a few weeks to recover and return
-I got pretty pumped about surviving, told everyone I knew about it
-ShitGolem went on to destroy more lives, later having a final showdown against me on my own house.
Your turn, give me the good shit
bump, wish I had a story to contribute ;^(
Guys I fucked up
>Have gf over
>Things are going really well but she gets thirsty
>She looks in the fridge for a drink, which is pretty normal
>Sees my special butter
>Comes into living room again, looking really concerned, asks me about it
>I tell her not to worry till she calms down
>We go on like normal till she leaves
>Kinda worried though, she hasn't talked to me in a few days
What do?
>>595249482
The fuck is special butter
>>595250269
like with the ganja perhaps?
>>595250269
Dude it's a little weird, it's not semen and it's not illegal, but I actually want advice not just shit about my butter.
opinions?
Shrek would win
Just look at that lion, he's all like "nigga I don't give a fuck". He cold as ice, suns don't stand a chance.
ligers
Need highschool quote for yearbook, don't give a fuck. give me anything.
>>595240994
Remember kids, dont scootbop the doop bop
nigger nigger cock cock jew nigger cock
>>595240994
>James, your mom and my dad... brother!
Who missed it?
me, sauce?
What happened?
Good lord, I was lucky to have missed it. Why didn't you let me?
ITT we make another MtG card
fuse edition
0 or dubs decides type
>>595238503
With Fuse, it has to be an Instant or Sorcery, so thread is already fucked
creature, Social Justice Warrior
>>595238503
one side Instant one side sorcery
I'm going to just cut the shit and tl;dr you right now. When I was younger I spent a few months in a place called Kids Peace (Orefield PA campus). It's like a dumping ground for kids who have mental health/behavioral problems. I feel like telling you niggers about it. There's a couple highlights worth mentioning that some of you may find amusing.
So the first thing worth telling you is that my internship at Kidspeace had less to do with mental and/or aggression problems, and more to do with angsty bitch stepdad. I was about 14 (2004, to be exact) and I was kind of your typical shithead kid. Lazy, slept all the time, listened to metal, watched shitty movies/anime. Because of reasons I ended up living at my Mom's place, and the whole lazy and sleeping all the time thing didn't sit well with my Stepdad. We had a very turbulant and standoffish relationship at the time.
I didn't realize it at the time, but hindsight is 20/20. My ticket to retard castle came with a single conversation. Let's call it the hair that broke the camels back. It was the middle of summer, and I was sitting in my house as per usual watching tv. My stepdad is the kind of guy who works himself like a butch nigger nonstop. The day in question, he's outside for some reason building a fence in like 4,000 fucking degree heat. He finally gets frustrated and comes inside and does the whole "ANON. I COULD REALLY USE A HAND OUT HERE" routine.
My response came pretty fast "YEP. SURE LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD" (and in my heart i felt kek kek). He proceeded to do some bitching at me, with me ignoring him. My rationale at the time was pretty clear. -- U take me mum. Now you want me fence??? No way buster. Not today.
Anyways, Stepdad's aunt works at retard castle. I guess at some point after that conversation, he decided that I was a wild disrespectful out-of-control kid. He whispered poison into my mother's ear until she agreed with him that I had issues and that retard castle would be a good and positive experience for me.
They sprang it on me pretty quick. The occasion was a bit like an intervention. A lot of people sitting around together in some kind of dark cabal of faggotry, explaining to me that they were going to send me off to the land where potatoes come by the dozen. Where all you need to get your dick sucked is a cup of applesauce. It became clear to me that decisions were already made, and that I had very little input on the matter. I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I know a futile situation when I see one.
"Anon aunt cunty mctwat says u gonna love it there. it is place for kids to deal with their problems"
>fuck you faggots and your stupid fence.
The morning I left was a school day. I'm driving to this fucking place in a FORD WINDSTAR past the school buses I should be on. My humiliation is beyond description. Fencelord and Traitor Woman are driving me, trying to cheer me up by explaining to me how great this is going to be. We're driving - driving - driving. Way the fuck off into the middle of nowhere.
>Kidspeace is like auschwitz on a mountain surrounded by farm fields and bramble lands.
Finally Tart Palace comes into view. We windstar our way into the parking lot and find a spot. I reluctantly accept my fate. I notice that the building is like a fortress. The picture really doesn't do it justice. Everything on this building is big, and beefy. It's abundantly clear even from the outside that this place has a lot of the same architectural features you'd see on an actual jail/prison. They notice the same shit, but stick to their narrative.
DONT WORRY ANON. U GONNA LOVE IT HERE
>>595230534
bamp
We get the depressing little bags that contain 100% of the possessions that I will be allowed to own for the next 3 months of my life, and walk in to the reception area.
We get to the main reception desk. There's a little office area with a sliding glass window, and a couple of old bats manning the phones on the other side. They welcome my parents forward - all smiles and shit. When they figure out that my parents are trying to admit me, it eliminates the possibility that I'm just there to visit a sibling or something. The lady looks over at me and overtly eyeballs me - sizing me up. After she ascertained that I wasn't going fuckin spaghetti, she largely ignored me. I didn't notice it at the time - but this was the first red flag. Consider it a sign of the prevailing attitude throughout the rest of the staff.
My parents are signing paperwork and shit with old bag lady. Meanwhile an orderly from what would soo be my unit came out to collect me and my shit. Let's call him Matt Damon (Can you guess why? hur hur). At this point my parents and I separate. The clock on my time in retard castle officially starts.
Matt Damon and I are walking to a nursing area. They can't admit me to the Unit's general population until I've gone through a medical evaluation. Not much to say about the evaluation. Except that I'm a skinny motherfucker. I was then, and I still am now. So I got to experience the obligatory routine of Matt Damon standing there for 20 minutes rubbing his chin like a moron asking me if I know what anorexia is.
