Old Thread: >>25933221
New GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aoh8YH3I0q78czAnb9mt_4h5jUeCUbivFV5WhAh935U/edit?pli=1
Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
http://pastebin.com/C82B4dea
>Be Anon man of many talents who is now trapped in RGRE
>How you got trapped here is still a mystery to you as it involved, some bubble gum, a large soda, duct tape and a portal to equestria
>Be a strange attraction, not a freak of nature but something you look at if they walk by
>Be Living in spare house thanks to one Princess Sparkle, living off the crown as they feel responsible for your being trapped
>Be her friend, no sexual attraction to ponies and only weird pones are attracted to you (I’m looking at you Lyra)
>try pony booze.... basically fruit juice that's it...
>Speak with local pony brewer
>She says with great pride “I ferment my wines for for 3 whole days and my beers for 4 hours”
> Smile and play along purchase some yeast and equipment telling her you wanted to try your hand at it
>she smiles along and sells you some, making you promise to bring her a sample of what you make
>make some apple cider fermented for 3 hours for her setting the rest aside for yourself for several weeks of fermenting
>Make honey wine, Moonshine, Dandelion wine, and watermelon wine with remaining supplies.
>Brewer pony congratulates you on the cider saying it is perfect for a stallion, you play along
>>25968834
>Be months later all your drinks are done, not all batches are perfect but still many times better then pone liqueur
>Chilling with book horse taking about economics of your two nations when rainbow horse burst in asking is Book horse is joining them for bar night
>”No thank you Rainbow I think I will sit this one out
>”Whatever your loss” Rainbow looks at you and raises an eyebrow then fly off
“You know I have never seen you go to the bars with your friends, can’t hold your liquor?”
>Twi sighs and says “Just the opposite actually, as an alicorn it is nearly impossible to get drunk”
“Like totally impossible or just need to chug a lot?”
>”I would need to chug 4.6 liters of hard cider to just get buzzed”
“Wow so have Sun horse and Moon horse never been drunk”
>She scowls “I wish you wouldn't call them that but yes, no race in the world makes strong enough liquor, as it would kill most even dragons would probably die”
>Your plans to get drunk tonight my have just become drinking alone to drinking with a friend
“You know I got something you might want like I’ll be back in a minute”
>power walk back to your home and grab a jug your best creation, the honey wine
>Return to the library and pour a glass for each of you
>looking at you sadly “I don’t think any of your drinks will have any effect on my
you smirk “I find your lack of faith disturbing”
>she blinks twice then sighs “Fine I’ll drink some of your fancy colt drink, what is it anyway?”
“It is dandelion wine, I think you will like it”
>”I think Rarity is more of a wine drinker then me, and who makes honey into wine?”
“Just try some kay.”
Continue?
>>25968743
>Stallions leave Equestria and start new country
>Mares laugh it off, believing that they'll be back within a week
>However, Anonymous unwittingly became the leader of the Stalllionist country
>He keeps them from killing themselves and helps them survive
>He becomes an idol of what stallionism should be
>It's been a month now and the mares are worried that they'll never come back
>The princesses go meet Anon, who is exhausted and wants to get away from the constantly whining colts
>The discussions go well and they made a plan where stallions would have more opportunity in workforce and make gender discrimination illegal
>Everything was about to end well when Celestia's lead guardmare makes a sexist comment that trigger's Anon's guard
>The next day, both sides are preparing for war
>Only way to make it stop would be to marry the princesses so that stallions would have a place in Equestrian government
>>25968848
Yes regale us with superior brew techniques.
>>25968848
Do you even have to ask?
>>25968898
>>25968882
I've never written a green before so I have no idea what others would think of my story
>>25968848
This green, I like it! Another!
>>25968912
We'll read anything here, even if it isn't really RGRE. We just like the activity.
>>25968925
ya its kind of hard to make a story about alcohol extremely RGRE, I'm trying though
>>25968912
Keep it coming
>>25968848
If you have to ask, then the answer is always "yes"
>>25969006
that could lead to allot strange allegations...
>>25968848
You need to work on your sentence structure a bit, as it's kind of rough.
Also, Twilight knew it was honey when told it was dandelion.
But yes, despite this being another story where Anon, for some insane reason, chooses to tolerate Twilight, I'd love to see Anon start a booze empire.
Normal stuff, weird stuff, stuff from fantasy, new things with magicland ingredients. Whatever drinks appeal to the races in a given land.Minotaurs, for example, rejoice when he shows how to ferment milk into tons of different drinks, or even distill it into arkhi or white vodka.
>>25968935
1) why would it need to be extreme RGRE?
2) you're doing fine. just make colt stallionly and you're ok
>>25969027
crap It was going to to be dandelion wine all the way through but I decided to go with honey cause its sweeter and a better introductory drink.
>>25969084
Ah, that clears some stuff up.
>>25968848
>Sighing and taking a drink she freezes and then starts coughing “what in Celestia's beard is this stuff, I think that mouthful gave me a buzz.”
“Like i said Honey wine made with honey, and I think I added apples to this batch” you say while takeing a big gulp
>Book horse just stares at you, a drink that would kill any other colt you just drink like water
“So what do you think?”
>Drinking some more she ponders what has just occurred, this colt has created, a drink that could waylay an alicorn
“So what do you think oh princess of books and stuff, think of homemade mead?”
>Slightly buzzed as she had continued to drink while she thought, “Waait I thought you called it Honey wine”
“Mead is just another name for honey wine it is just easier to say when drunk” you say with a smirk, hardly affected by your half a mug of wine.
>She has finished her first mug at this point and is swaying slightly “This stuff is great an-anon do you think we can share this stuff with the other princessess”
“Sure call on the other pegacorns drinking is always better with friends, but I think we may need more than half a jug of mead”
>Suddenly more perky she leans forward almost tipping over “You HaVe mOrE of this stuff?”
“Ya course I do You think i would limit myself to to just one one drink” smirking pouring both of you another mug
>>25969429
>”Ok oK ok you get the booze I’ll get the Princesseses”
Rolling your eyes you make your way back home to grab your collection of alcohol and almost forget your newest and most volatile creation, Vodka just like Uncle Incogneeto made before they found his collection of severed animal heads. That was an awkward family reunion.
>Upon your return book horse was not alone Love, Sun and Moon Horse were waiting along with love horses husband Shining
>You had met shining once before, and he was the biggest gold digger you had ever met, Cadence was smart and had a good prenup so shining stayed loyal to keep his easy money.
>”So anon what is this about a drink that can make an alicorn drunk?” Celestia questioned with a skeptical look
>”YES TELL US OF THIS MAGIC ELIXIR THAT CAN WAYLAY ONE OF ROYAL BLOOD”
>”Thats enough Luna I’m curious too but yelling at him won’t help anything” Cadence says with a disturbing stare in your direction
>”My apologies Niece but I have heard many a tale of drunken escapades and with to experience one myself.”
>”Well Twly seems to be enjoying herself, Pull yourself together sis” Shining wines as his sister smiles dopily drinking the last of the mead.
>”Nota chance I haven't been drunk in close to three yearss, since I gained my wings you couldn't pay me to sober up right now.” Twilight
>>25969448
>Shining snorted and and sneered at you “And what drinks have you brought for us creture”
“For you nothing I want no part in regicide a sip of this would kill you” you roll your eyes then whisper “as much as would like to”
“But for the rest of y’all I got a big selection I’ve better stuff fermenting at home but this is the results of my first real batch.” you say distractedly as you pull out several jugs of you creations.
>Shining snorts and then whines to Cadance “Sweetie why do we have to be here I know some great bars in the empire I know you love”
>”honey the last time we went bar hopping I found you the next morning moaning about the sun was evil and you were joining the lunar cult” she deadpanned at her husband.
>”YES another convert for the new lunar republic” Luna cheers as she pronks around her sister “in you face sister”
>during this you had poured mugs for everyone, just waiting for the true drunken carnage to begin.
>“Maybe we should just sit here and drink what anon has provided for us before the nobles realize we and left stuffed dolls on the thrones” Celestia resons
“Wait you left stuffed dolls on the thrones to come drink with us?”
>”correct”
>”YES”
>”sadly”
“where did you get life sized dolls of yourself” You say with a raised eyebrow
>”Don’t ask’
>”Tis a state secret”
>”I have a fan club” cadence smirks at her family “That had theirs custom made”
>>25969457
that's it for a bit I'l probably write more later
http://pastebin.com/edit/92nArauG
>>25969468
http://pastebin.com/92nArauG
sorry wrong link before
Sorry this story is such shit. My sleep schedule's fucked up and I can't get into the writing mood.
>>25927383
>You give Applejack the most deadpan look you can muster.
>Her already-flimsy façade cracks further.
>AJ: "He, uh... he's just feelin' moody from the pregnancy."
"I'm so sick of your shit, Applejack."
>Applejack gives the stupidly-oblivious ponice officer a nervous side-ways glance before looking back to you again.
>AJ: "Ah love you too, honey!"
>You just wanted your coffee. You wanted to wake up in the morning and have your coffee, but Applejack took that life away from you.
>"Well, I'll just leave the two of you alone. Congratulations again!"
>And with that, your saviour departs and closes the door behind her.
>She had one job.
>As soon as the ponice officer closes the door, Applejack rushes you and tugs the hem of your shirt up to around nipple-hight, revealing a flustered-looking Rainbow Dash clinging to you like a drop-bear.
She bites down on Rainbow Dash's tail and tugs. Hard.
>AJ: "Rainbow Dash, get offa thar!"
>The cyan mare falls to the floor with an "oof!"
>Adorably, she gets stuck on her back for a few seconds.
>She kicks her widdle hoofs and you REALLY want to rub her tummy.
>Applejack has different ideas, though.
>She hops up onto her hind legs and braces herself on your stomach.
>AJ: "She didn't touch y'all, did she?"
>Applejack begins to pat you down, but you slap that bitch's hoof away.
"Hey, no, fuck you. You don't get to play the part of the sympathetic mare after the stunt you just pulled."
>Applejack's face twists into a stubborn scowl at your words.
>AJ: "All Ah did was whut any decent mare would do."
"What, lie to the police?!"
>AJ: "No! Ah'm doin' mah duty as a mare tuh preserve yer honour!"
>RD: "What happened?"
>>25969806
>You cut off Applejack before she can answer.
"Applejack and I had sex last night, and she seems to think that she raped me."
>RD: "Why would she think THAT?"
"I found her shit-faced at a bar and I took her home to sober up."
>RD: "...Did you have anything to drink?"
"Yes, but-"
>Applejack chooses this moment to leap up and hug your legs.
>AJ: "Ah'm sorry, Anawn! Ah took away yer most valuable treasure innuh fit of drunken lust, and Ah'm sorry!"
>RD: "You raped him?!"
>AJ: "Ah didn't mean to!"
>RD: "You bitch!"
>Rainbow Dash launches herself at Applejack, but you grab the cyan mare around the waist and hold her to your chest.
"Hey, hey hey! Not in my fucking house!"
>Rainbow Dash just struggles in your grasp, trying to plant her hooves in Applejack's face.
>RD: "And now you want him to live with you? What, so you can rape him more?!"
>Applejack, understandably, takes offence to that remark.
>AJ: "Ah-no! How dare you! Ah wanna marry Anawn so that Ah can make things right 'tween him an' me. Ah don' know how yer mama raised y'all, Rainbow Dash, but where AH come from, we don't jus' leave a stallion high an' dry after a night of love-makin'."
>RD: "Well, I'm not leaving your RAPE VICTIM alone with you for one second!"
>Rainbow Dash crawls back under your shirt and latches onto you like before.
>He head popes out of your collar and she glares at Applejack.
>RD: "Anon's supposed to be pregnant, right? If you want him so badly, then I'm coming too."
>Fuck this morning and everything about it.
If anybody wants to continue this story, they're free to.
>>25969457
Bill Murraynon in Equestria
>gets all royal p0nes drunk on superior human liquor
>daterape.exe
>morning after
>Anon gets dressed, prepares to do walk of victory back home
>Celestia looks up at him, one eye pasted shut with dried COOM
>the other red and teary
>"Why?" is all she asks
>Anon smirks a smirky smirk
"Because I can," he replies."And because no one will ever believe you." [\spoiler]
>>25970062
He is not Cosby..... but funny story I just got a spam email about Alcohol rehab..... I will Have to write more soon due to this motivation
>"I am triggered! Triggered I say!"
>Sighing, the ponice mare disinterestedly pushes the quill with her magic.
>"What is it today, Mr. Cake?"
>"That's Mr. Cake, head of the PTA board to you mam'!" He glares at the mare with all the hatred of the stallionist movement can muster.
>"That whorse of a substitute teacher, Anon, is parading around in pants that cover far too much fur than what is acceptable.
>This gets the attention of every mare in the room. Their eyes lighting up at the mention of pants.
>"I bet that martriarchy pushing Cheerilee is behind this. Turning that poor alien into a sex object and showing our young that this behavior is not only okay, but encouraged!" Continues the angry Mr. Cake. His eyes closed as he goes on and on.
>The mare sitting furthest from them has her hooves under her desk. Slowly clopping.
>With redded cheeks, the front desk mare looks over her notes.
>"So let me get this straight... Anon is in the school house right now. Wearing those glasses. His flanks covered by those long kaki pants as he is being forced to bed over in front of our fillies and write on the board. Anon, having to paddle disruptive students while draping them over his thinly covered legs."
>The sound of a window being slammed open behind them can be heard. The pegasus of the group having flown up and quickly opened it, trying to hide the growing amount of mare musk in the air.
>The whisper of the larger mare with a slight pot belly gazes on with half opened eyes, "Niiiice..."
>Mr. Cake gives a look of "Finally, someone gets what is wrong here."
>"Thank you officer!"
>"Come on girls! We need to enact some sexy- umm... secular justice.. yeah that."
>The ponice run out, clearing the building. Pegasi with wings erect, unicorns with magic already sputtering from their horns, and Mr. Cake, who is none the wiser, with his smug grin.
>"Goodness. It's nice to see so many mares who care about the common stallion."
>>25968743
I want to empty my balls into this horse.
>>25969819
Come on, man. Come ooooooonn. You got to finish the story, man. You just got to.
>>25970282
> empty my balls into this horse.
Are you implying that you are a stallion?
Sheath or GTFO
>>25970876
Actually, she makes a mean beer that she stores in ball shaped containers. They're actually pretty neat, though they roll a lot.
Also make for damned good innuendo fuel
>>25970876
>implying a mud pone would know what to do with a real party cannon
Keep tryin', rock farmer.
>>25970891
Beer balls? I bet something whiter and creamier would fit better.
They need a brand name... I suggest BallBusters.
BallBusters. When sisters need to bust some balls!
picrelated works too.I took over your dooty without asking, I hope ur not mad sis?
>>25969457
let the regicide commence?
>>25971037
soon just got back from dinner with Senpai, gunna start writing again soon
>>25969457
>>25971130
No idea where senpia came from was eating with family
>Be anon giving the raised eyebrow to the sisters
“You hired someone to make life size realistic dolls of yourselves...”
>”We will speak no more on this” Luna says without meeting your eye
“so are they like 100% accurate or did you make sure that they couldn't be used in other ways?”
>This causes all of the sober pones in the room to turn various shades of red with twilight looking wide eyed at her teacher
>“can I have one” at this point she had finished off the last of the mead and was thoroughly sauced.
>”No Twilight they are one of a kind, and no Anon they can not be used in such a way now can we drink?” Celestia sighed
“ya ya Grab a mug I’m starting us out small with some beer, and none of the baby stuff the bars here serve” you say as you pass the royals their drinks. “and for you shining some sugar water”
>”SUGER WATER do you know what that will do to my figure” Shinning exclaims indignantly
“fine I think that there is some milk in the fridge” you snark at him
>>25971393
>You thought that a gaggle of giggling groundbound grassmunchers would be the fuinniest thing you had seen in your life
>and you know what it was, It took several more drinks to soauce up the big pegacorns compared to book horse, but it was worth it.
>Keeping your drinking to a minimum and drinking plenty of water you needed to witness the down fall of the pones, and that downfall was named Vodka.
“you- you know what Anon you’re like- you’re like the best bud a pony could ask for” Celestia was a lovy dovy drunk she was hugging and nuzzling you while twilight sat on your shoulders declaring she was best princess.
>Luna was lying on her side kicking and twitching and she spun herself in circles “Look Look sister I am the night” you were pretty sure that she was having an adverse reaction to potatoes you used to jury rig up your home made Vodka
>Love horse had locked her husband outside declaring that tonight was her night to party she was now moonwalking on the walls.... no I’m not making that up she had magicked her hooves to stick to the walls and was doing a pretty good impression of Michael hooveson.
>the adformention Shining was moaning about how the stupid drink was destroying his wife “Cady please let me in please I’ll be good” he cried from behind the door.
“Oh god you girls are like the best drinking buddies” you lagh and you drink another mug or watermelon wine.
> a song from home comes to mind and you can’t help but sing, as no matter how hard you tried
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZrAQ5qY2uA
more soon
>Anon and Zecora hook up
>Bridle Gossip 2.0 ensues
>>25971553
>zigga copypasta
Nobody cares
>>25971414
shining is making me kek.
>>25970088
>He is not Cosby.....
That's why no one would believe them
>>25969819
Never let it be said that I'm not easily swayed by the opinions of one anonymous person.
"Rainbow Dash?"
>The cyan mare, her head still poking out of your collar, turns to look at you with a proud smile.
>RD: "Yeah, Anon?"
"Get the fuck out of my shirt."
>RD: "No~!"
>She whines and wriggles her head back into your badly-stretched cotton shirt, and rests her head on your shoulder.
>RD: "It's so warm and comfy in here. Besides!"
>Rainbow's snout edges its' way out right by your ear, the rest of her head hidden away.
>RD: "I'm not leaving you alone with your rapist."
>You know what? Whatever.
"It's too early to deal with this."
>With Rainbow Dash still clinging to you, you walkover to your counter and start preparing your morning coffee.
>With a wave, you offer a chair for Applejack to sit in.
>It's human-sized, but she manages well enough once she manages to tuck her tail out of the way.
"How do you take your coffee, Jacks?"
>AJ: "B-black, please."
"Good. All those hours I have to spend making these dumb, complicated coffees at work; I'm glad I don't have to do any of that crap at home."
>Your "pregnant" belly makes it difficult to navigate the tall surfaces of your counters, and more than once you hear a muffled "ow!" from Rainbow Dash when you accidentally bump into something.
"How about you, Rainbow Dash? Black as well?"
>RD: "Y-yeah, black."
>Bullshit.
>You know full well that this mare always orders Iced Peppermint White (imitation) Chocolate Mochas, the most coltish of drinks ordered by those who don't actually LIKE coffee.
>She thinks her little disguise of earmuffs covering her cutie mark and a pair of sunglasses perched on her nose can fool you, but Anonymous is NOPONY'S fool.
"Black it is."
>>25971784
>You pour all three drinks and bring them to the table, ignoring Applejack's mumbled, half-hearted offer to help carry them for you.
>It isn't until you set them all down that you realize that you have no idea how Rainbow Dash is going to drink her coffee.
>It seems that Rainbow Dash has had similar thoughts; when you sit down, she settles in your lap and spins herself around 180 degrees.
>RD: "Anon, could you hold your arms out forwards?"
>You comply.
>Rainbow Dash slips her front legs through your shirt's armholes, leaving her free to grip her mug with both hooves.
>This is just about the cutest thing you've ever seen Dashie do, and you try to resist the urge to lean down and nuzzle her mane.
>Needless to say, you fail to.
>RD: "H-hey! What's the big idea, Anon! Stop that!"
"Stop being so cute, then."
>RD: "I'm NOT cute."
>You may not be able to see her from the front, but you can practically HEAR the scrunchy face she's making.>How can my baby belly be so cute?
"Applejack?"
>The mare in question grunts in recognition and quietly sips her coffee.
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
>AJ: "...shoot, Anawn. Y'all know why."
>Seriously, you need to set this mare straight.
>You set your mug down (you weren't sure you'd be able to drink your coffee anyway with Dashie's arms sticking out of your sleeves) and reach forward to grab Applejack's hoof.
>Rainbow Dash almost spills her coffee, but you grab her mug and place it next to yours.
>She tries to flinch away, but you don't let her.
"Applejack, please. Look at me."
>It isn't every day that you see a strong pony like Applejack crying.
>She didn't weep or job like she did the night previous; she just let her tears flow down her cheeks without a sound.
"This is really eating you up inside, huh?"
>She nods pitifully and sniffles.
>AJ: "Ah'm real sorry, Anawn. All Ah wanna do is try'n do the right thang."
>God dammit, Applejack. Why does she have to tear at your heart?
>>25971798
"If it'll make you feel better, Applejack, I can stay with you at the farm."
>You're pretty sure that you can convince her to let this go within a week.
>Two weeks, tops.
>You honestly don't even life too far from her, so it isn't like the commute to work will be terrible.
>And you've always gotten along well with Apple Bloom.
>You know what?
>A trip to Sweet Apple Acres doesn't sound half bad!
>Applejack smiles sadly at you and jumps up on the table for a hug, but freezes.
>AJ: "Uh, is it alright if Ah... touch you? Do Ah have yer permission?"
>You almost forgot about the "rape" thing for a second.
>The way she's acting, you'd think that SHE were the supposed rape victim.
"Yes, Jacks, you have permission to touch me."
>The orange pony reach out to wrap her hooves around your neck....
>Only to be interrupted by a blue hoof smacking her on her nose, followed by an angry hiss coming from your shirt.
>RD: "Don't you try and Stockholm Syndrome this guy! Don't forget that I'll be watching you, Applejack."
>The moment thoroughly ruined, you each go back to your respective coffees.
>You take a good deal of pleasure at listening to Rainbow Dash make noises of disgust as she tries to drink her black coffee.
>>25971823
are you happy now, that one guy?
>>25971832
That one guy is never happy, AA. You should know this by now.
(pastebin updated)
>>25970205
10/10 would read full-length green
>>25968743 >>25970205 >>25968872 >>25968672
Hey, RGRE, I made you a shit
we stallionist nao
STUDWALK 2016
>>25971853
He might be! I can change him.
>>25971897
About 500 pounds too light, and what kind of stallionist wears normal, boring, SLAVE colors in his mane instead of neon orange or pink?
>>25971414
Shining should be locked outside more
>>25971897
He needs to be fatter.srsly, Good contribution, anon!
>>25971903
>solo.old
You can't; he's got too much shitpost in him.
>>25971553
Man i wish i knew how to draw arms because this is the moment this picture would have shined.
>>25971925
He's wearing slave colours to remind the racist, bigoted misandrists of what they're guilty of, obviously.
Oh, and he's, like, 1/32 zebra.
>>25971823
Seriously, write more if this. I'm lovin' it.
>>25971940 >>25971925 >>25971953
Studwalk shits aren't fat or bluehaired. They are all dressed up in all those slutty clothes, and their manes done and shit. Fucking asking for it if you ask me, sisters.
>>25971897
>>studwalk
>Colts walking around with their cocks on full display and their sheaths decorated
>Ponice mares try to arrest them for indecent exposure and get fired because equality
>Colts proceed to blog about how they were "literally" raped by the ponice
>>25971979
>meanwhile in the Legion of Doom, aka the Anon Shack
>Anon is sorting through the various mares on his bed that he's fucked insensate, desperately trying to find one that's semi conscious so he can finish
"Man, being a guy here is hard."
>>25972042
Now I want an asshole anon who goes to stallionist rallies and complains, "complains," loudly in the manner of >>25972042 in order to pick up on mares. None of the stallionists can say anything, because since he's the only human he's the ultimate minority.
Anon feigns obliviousness and near drowns in marevag while simultaneously cucking all the stallionists.
>>25972133 >>25972042 >>25971979
Have one more you shitladies
>>25971393
The first three letters of family trigger a filter.
>>25972269
so family became senpia...
>>25972260
I don't get it.
My penis is not your cooler? What?
>>25971897
>>25968672 →
>"Anon, please! If they're threatening to hurt you then you need to go to the police!" your friend Caramel begged after hearing your story.
>You snorted.
"Please, I can handle a bunch of fat weirdos."
>The two of you were out at the market.
>He was getting groceries for his herd, and you were gathering supplies for your revenge.
>Mainly dozens of eggs and rolls of toilet paper.
>The next time they try to leave one of their stupid hate letters, you were going to cover them in this stuff.
>That oughtta teach them.
>And if not? There's more where that came from!
>PapaAnon didn't raise a bitch!
>"But there's three of them and only one of you. What if they overpower you?" Caramel tried to reason with you.
"Look at the size of me. Plus they're FAT, Mel. I'm pretty sure the only thing they can overpower are small children."
>But if things really do go FUBAR you're going to have your dog bite them.
>It's not like he would get euthanized here, considering it's illegal.
>Caramel sighs, "I guess I can't talk you out of this. But I REALLY hope this hasn't put you off joining the Ponyville Stallionist Union. Those jerks aren't real stallionists."
>You rolled your eyes.
>He's been trying to get you to join ever since you became friends. He says your 'marely attitude' would be really appreciated there.
>You decided to sit in on a meeting once just to placate him.
>You weren't impressed. It mainly consisted of a bunch of stallions complaining about the things they didn't like, albeit more reasonably then they nutjobs who were bothering you, but very little actual action.
"Then why didn't they stop those social justice wackos before it got this far?"
>"I had them file a police report! These things take time, Anon! You have to let the system do it's job." Caramel replied.
"Yeah, well I'm done waiting. They done pissed me off now."
Continue?
>>25972504
>She's in heat. You have to cool her down with your.
The hell are you a virgin or something.
>>25972561
duh
>>25972561
yes
>>25972561
need green
>>25972504
>you are not entitled to my body
>>25972573
family
>>25971798
>>Rainbow Dash slips her front legs through your shirt's armholes, leaving her free to grip her mug with both hooves.
Oh. My. God. That is the cutest thing I have ever read. See? Aren'tcha glad you continued?
Come back l&p
>>25972561
Break those fuckers in half.
>>25971832
This is me, man >>25972800. This is me being happy. All up in my pants, all down my leg, just happy all over the place. Thanks, analplug.
P.S. Keep going.
>>25972561
>(FIVE HOURS LATER)
>Still be Anon.
>It's nighttime, and you're staking out your own house.
>You were hiding in a bush nearby, waiting for one of those fat fucks to show up.
>Your eggs and toilet paper were stacked in a pile within arm's reach, ready to be used at a moment's notice.
>Now all you have to do is wait.
>Be Trigger Warning
>Social Justice Warrior of Ponyville!
>Because someone needed to fight against the matriarchy, especially in this redneck town.
>Tonight it was your turn to leave hatemail at the doorstep of that gender traitor Anon.
>That dandiphobic shitlord... At first you and your comrades pitied him because of how he always wore clothes. What a barbabic, sexist society he must come from. Even worse than Equestria. But then he revealed his true colors by his bad reaction to dandellions!
>You were walking through Ponyville at night, determined to complete your sacred mission.
>"Hey look, girls! It's a taxi without somepony carrying it. OH WAIT!"
>Your nose scrunched up in anger.
>It was a gaggle of drunken mares, probably off to go rape some helpless stallion.
>You better report them after you're done...
>You turn your nose up away from them.
"Oh PLEASE! Like you could handle this much stallion!"
>One of them, a pegasus, cackled.
>"You're right! Somepony would need a crane to have sex with you. That is if a mare was willing to touch you!"
>That's it!
>You are officially TRIGGERED!
>TRIGGERED, you say!
"My curves are BEAUTIFUL you cishet shitlords!"
>That just made them laugh harder! Mares like these need to be thrown in jail!
>"Curves implies more than one, Fatty! You're just one big, lumpy ball!"
>You started to go off on a rant about how they were obviously uneducated, sexist, racist jerks!
>But they just laughed and walked away, probably off to torment some other poor stallion.
>You'd follow them if you didn't have a job to do.
>And gosh darnit you were going to do it! That encounter just fired you up!
Isn't she lovely?
So refined and cultured.
>>25972923
brace your anus
>>25971414
I'm a namefag now
>The morning rose late first time in 8 centuries the next day what with Celestia suffering from her first hangover.
>the Royals enjoys the night, the morning after not so much.
>Shining was found the next day at the local bar leaning dead on his hooves on a very drunk Rarity and was like the rest of the bar, out cold.
>It took several gallons of water and 3 mops to prepare the 4 alicorns for their departure and to not leave the floor a barphy mess
>”Next time you have a drinking party make sure to invite us, I have had such a fun night since I abolished the royal herem
>Laughing maniacally Luna sputters “you had to find four stallion who could last more than a minute to satisfy you and the nobility hated you so for that slight upon them”
>”You had a colt last more than a minute!” cadence jumps in “Shinning can get a good 45 seconds and I thought I had it good”
>Twilight still somehow a little buzzed after drinking more than the others freezes “Ugg I did not need to know how long my brother last in bed” she then proceeded to throw up once more, you just barely manage to put a bucket under her muzzle
“I think you have traumatized you sister in law cady” you laugh while patting Twi on the back
>The realization that you were still their freezes them up.
>”Our apologies Anon we had forgotten you were still there and began an inappropriate subject” Celestia blushes
“Don’t worry about Me and the guy back home used to much worse sex stories back, this one guy I knew was dating this girl who could contort her spine so that her mouth was right above her ass, Dude could not get over how freaky she was in bed.”
>Now wide eyed the four stare at you then luna smirks “And you Anonymous how long can you last in bed?”
>>25973079
>This was followed by several actions, the first was luna being buffeted by three wings of varying strength, the second was a shout of “LUNA” in three different voices and finally there was your hysterical laughter.
>”I apologies for my sisters crude questions please forgive her” Celestia says abashedly
>”But it is a legitimate question sister we know little about his race any information could be our cultural exchange, I mean last night was the first we have ever experienced the true effects of alcohol he has much to teach us”
>your laughter had subsided at this point and you were wiping tears from your eyes, you hold your hand up to stop any more confrontations
“As much I like you Luna you ponies don’t really do it for, I’m pretty sure I’m not getting any now that I’m in this world, Minitours female are ugly as sin, and adult dragons would be more of a cave exploration than sex” This gets them to blush and Cadence to snort a laugh “and Fucking a DiamondDog would be like sleeping with someone with brain damage”
>”Surely there is somebeing that you find attractive?” cadance questions sadly
“Nope you ponies are adorable and if your previous conversation was anything to go by I would need a whole squad to have any fun” you laugh
>they look at you oddly when you say that “And why pray tell would that be Anon?” Celestia softly remarks
“You said four minutes was your cut off right where you finally felt satisfied, cause you could have gotten more stallions if you wanted right?
>”Yes but after 4 I reached my limits and couldn't stand” speaking softly as she blushed with the others stareing daggers at her.
“Ya well I’m assuming you would last a good deal longer than standard ponies right?” she nods at this “Well my record was 23 minutes with this beautiful blond I met back home, now that was a fun night.”
>>25973117
NOO
YOU TOLD THEM
WHYY
YOU COULD MAKE THEM FIND OUT
>>25973139
wait for it the next week i am dubbing the week of cringe, there was another line but it hit the limit :(
>>25973117
more
>>25972923
>You continued your quest through nighttime Ponyville.
>Past the Sweet Apple Acres, where those sexist pigs the Apples kept that poor stallion Big Mac from realizing how he was being abused.
>Past the Carousel Boutique, where that awful designer who didn't make clothes in your size lived.
>When you finally made it near Anon's house, you were panting with exhaustion, your fat folds drooping more than usual.
>Why did the stupid human have to live on the edge of town like that freak Fluttershy?!
>Now you're Anon, again.
>And you're grinning.
>Because your target is within your sights.
>He's a morbidly obese stallion with a mustard yellow coat and a black mane styled in a terrible sidecut.
>He was heaving, sweat dripping down his form as he walked up to your house with a saddlebag probably containing tonight's hatemail.
>You reached down to your side and palmed an egg.
>That's right, Fatty. Just get a littler closer..
>Come to Anon so he can throw eggs at you.
>And...
>NOW!
>You throw the first egg as the stallion reaches your doorstep, and it lands true, smacking him right in the back of the neck.
>*CRACK!*
>He squeals in surprise like the pig he is.
>"What the buck is this?! RAPE! RAPE!"
>You snort, and toss another egg.
>This one hits him the side, causing him to squeal again.
>"Ow! Who is doing that?!" he shouts in the direction the egg came from.
>You grin.
>Now for the best part.
>You rise up out of the bushes with egg cartons in both arms, revealing yourself.
>The stallion is shocked.
>"A-Anon?!"
"SQUEAL, PIGGY! SQUEAL!"
>You run forward, cackling like a madman as you throw eggs at the fat fuck as fast as you can.
>The stallion tries to run away, but you're too fast for him.
>You just keep pelting him with egg after egg, staining his coat and mane with the yolk.
>Eventually, your prey trips and falls in his haste to avoid punishment.
>>25973229
Now complete the punishment and put your dick in his belly button
>>25973229
>You take the opportunity to dump out the rest of the egg out on the stallion, causing him to scream in agony.
>After that you smush the carton against his face, causing him to groan in pain.
>You quickly retrieve your toilet paper and wrap him up like a fat little mummy.
>You lean down into his ear.
"Don't EVER come back here again. And tell your little friends to knock it off, or they'll get the same shit you did. Capiche?"
>The stallion, now crying, nods hastily. He gets up on his stubby legs and runs away as fast as he can, which isn't very fast.
>You smile in satisfaction as you watch him run away, your hands on your hips.
>That was a night well spent.
THE END.
That's it. This is a oneshot.
>>25973079
>>25973117
Your grammar is still... it's like. You're stilted. I want to get into your story, but I just can't. I like your prompt, and I like that you're producing green - I just think you need to slow down and proof-read your posts before you fire them out. For example:
>The morning rose late first time in 8 centuries the next day
should have been something like
>The next day, morning rose late for the first time in 8 centuries
>the Royals enjoys the night
should be
>The royals enjoyed the night
>”Next time you have a drinking party make sure to invite us, I have had such a fun night since I abolished the royal herem
You didn't end that with a ", even though it was a comment made by a character. You also said "I have had such a fun night since-", I'm pretty sure you meant "I haven't had such a fun night since-".
“Don’t worry about Me and the guy back home used to much worse sex stories back, this one guy I knew was dating this girl who could contort her spine so that her mouth was right above her ass, Dude could not get over how freaky she was in bed.”
Is a run-on sentence. You also probably meant "Me and the guys" not "Me and the guy". I also don't know what you were going for with "used to much worse sex stories back,".
TL;DR Just slow down and proof-read. If English isn't your first language, that's fine - the thread loves your green. You're doing fine. Just slow down. Sorry for nitpicking!
>>25971832
Keep doing thing. When you do thing, you are awesome.
>>25971897
Also, you're awesome.
And to that one random anon who pinged me last thread to ask if I was seeing someone else because there was no more green:Come on baby you know I treat you right.
Green most likely tomorrow.
>>25971964
It's always nice to hear somebody say that.
>>25972800
If it makes you happy, it makes me happy.
>>25973079
>>25973117
>Getting alicorns drunk
>Unveiling the secret of Superior Human Stamina
>Patiently waiting for royal's reactions
>>25973229
>>25973302
I can just imagine the look of pure satisfaction on Anon's face. If he doesn't have a half-chub, then he doesn't hate that stallion hard enough.
>>25973139
It's a pissing contest, this is a bit more believable
>>25973117
Patiently awaiting more
>>25973445
Na its fine I'm an engineer not, we don't focus to much on writing, asking me to design a retaining wall with steel supports would be easier then putting my crazy mind unto paper. I shall try to do better
>>25973689
wow i am out of it today I think i will get one more out then call it a night got work tomorrow...
>>25973689
>engineering student
>writefriend must be female
>males are discouraged from joining STEM fields
>check your privilege
>>25973744
Looking forward to it!
>>25973787
hey I know 4 whole females are in my classes and there is one flamboyant gay guy...
>>25973689
>I'm an engineer
Oh hey, i'm an engineer too, CAD engineer. What field?
>>25974042
Civil going into a a specialization in water resources. one more semester left and I graduate then A masters, then the PE and my test taking days will be over... in 4-6 years....
>>25973851
pfft
half my computer science class is female
I win the equality game
>>25974127
I went to college for a mechanical engineering course, then specialized in CAD. 3 year course.
I should probably do the college degree program i was offered, but i'm ok with my job and am a bit lazy. I don't know if i care to spend another 3 years going back to school.
Good luck with your stuff.
>>25974158
I've got 2 jobs atm so at graduation my resume will look amazing.
>>25973851
Biomedical Engineering. 40 person class. 3 girls. 2 of them were dating each other.
Haven't written anything all day.
Feel like shit because of it.
Fuck, I'll do stuff tomorrow for sure.
>>25973117
“Now get out of here you lot the nobles have probably noticed by now that you have been replaced with lifelike dolls.” you shoo them away as they stand there dumbfounded
>revealing this tidbit of information was your biggest mistake since arrive here, ignoring the fact that you just had the craziest drunken parties you've ever seen with the rulers of a nation are now envious of all human women.
>Thus began your week of cringe
>Over the next 7 days your life took a strange turn, It began small and by the end you had drunk the last of your booze reserves to keep any stint of sanity.
Day 1
>Starting small might be an understatement, the first thing you find, waking up day after the party after snoozing in your own bed was the dolls
>The two dolls that Celestia and Luna mention you remember those, well now they are both in your bed, yup just lying there and they were right, they were creepily life like
>they are now tied up in your storage closet for fear that they might be the real deal pretending to be dolls
>When you returned after dinner the Luna doll was gone.... you were right to be cautious.
>Opening the newspaper you find the top article being about you and how you showed all four royals an amazing night..... no mention of booze
>suddenly you went from strange eyesore to possible sex god and not the good kind you don’t get sexy ladies hanging off you, no you get creepy sexually repressed ponies... ponies that barely make it up to your waist, lord have mercy on my soul
>the paper also notes on page 2 “Nopony noticed that the entire royal family and captain of the guard went missing for 14 hour, Internal investigation is under way”
>now you were scared suddenly leaving the safety of your house, this seemed like a dangerous proposition. Lyra had made passes at you before but never before did the entire town stop to watch you walk to the library to speak with book horse
>>25974379
>Be in library, book horse is looking you up and down like she is dissecting you, never before have you felt this uncomfortable around a pony. she was such a good friend a little pushy at times but a flick to the snout and she backed down.
“Twi you alright” you wave hand in front of freakishly large eyes, then lean next to her ear and monotone “Earth to sparklord earth to sparklord come in sparklord”
>this seems to shock her out of her slump “Wa oh Anon sorry just lost in thought was there something you need?”
“Ya have you seen this mornings newspaper?” you pull the paper out and present it to her
>Her eyes go wide as she reads the front page, this is followed by her falling on her side and using her hooves to cover her eyes, “Why did that report it like that” she moans “now the world thinks I am joining the royal herd or something”
>She pauses for a moment ears getting perky, then jumping to her hooves promptly throws up in a nearby mop bucket
“You know I may not be attracted to you but that reaction was kind of harsh...”
>”NO that was not about you, my brother was also listed as being here Urp” throwing up once again, her troubles dawn on you.
“So now the world think you slept with your brother... oh that's nasty. Look let's grab some lunch and brainstorm how to fix the”
>and eat lunch you do while telling Twi about what you found in your bed this morning and hopes for resolving this mess
>>25974395
>The rest of the day you spend as normal chilling at library reading about pony politics and economics, this peaceful time is so rudely interrupted by the sudden arrival of Rainbow and apples horses.
>”Twi where ya at” Apple horse yells, you are lying on the couch and cannot be seem at this time
>”Twi we wanna talk to you about this business with Anon, spill the beans girl did he really take all you princesses at once, cause I know you guys kicked Shining out and he spent his time complaining at the bar.
>Twilight walks down the stairs with a deadpan look on her face, you can see this now as you are sneakily peeking over the back of the couch
>”No he did not ‘take’ us” you can practically hear the air quotes “we spent the night drinking and partying if you really have to know”
>”Hey I invited you to the bar with us is he that much better of a drinking partner then us” Rainbow accused
>”I’ve told you this before rainbow the drinks at the bar will not get me drunk Anon had some very potent drinks he brought and shared with us.” the patient purple pony posed purposefully.
>”Ya let a colt supply the drinks, hah, how many did it take to get you drunk twenty maybe thirty” apple pone laughed
>”Two” she deadpanned
>Now this revelation stopped then where they stood, It was at this point you lost interest in the confrontation and returned to you book on pony inventions of the last millennium, including but not limited to trains, cobble roads and volcanic ash concrete.... they were like steampunk Romans
>If you had listen you may have been able to keep both pones from a hospital visit later in the week after they snuck in and sampled some of your booze.
>this is how the first day in the week of cringe ended, a nice meal with twi and a late night of reading their version of Indiana Jones.
>Little do you know but a pair of watchful eyes is set upon you waiting for you to enter the world of dreams.
>>25974413
That is it for tonight its late and work is is 8 hours...see yall later
>>25974429
>Working on a sunday
>>25974429
see ya
>>25971875
Thanks! I'm more likely to do one shots since dialog is something I'm awful at.... I've been lurking forever so this is really new and kinda fun.
>>25973117
>not into pone, mino, scalie, or doge
well than that leaves only one solution
>>25974429
noice
Has anybody done a full green of anon not being able to have kids? It was mentioned last thread or the one before it.
>>25974379
>>they are now tied up in your storage closet for fear that they might be the real deal pretending to be dolls
This made me think of that one man hide and seek game. Haunted dolls- not even once.
>>25974834
oh fuck me i know what you're talking about. That shi'ts terrifying.
>>25974413
>including but not limited to trains, cobble roads and volcanic ash concrete
Mares, with their outdated mindsets, cannot advance beyond the middle ages. Everything slightly modern in Equestria was invented either in foreign lands, or by stallions pretending to be mares.
>>25974941
Equestria is actually a patriarchy, but it's easier to let the mares thing that they rule the world. The reason there are so few males seen around is because the men just can't fucking stand the women.
>>25974413
Never ever use the word 'ya' ever again in your life. Learn to use fucking commas. Please extinguish the insane retarded thought that everyone else is wrong about purple horse syndrome.
Somehow understand that shit like "Little do you know', constantly using the word pone, not capitalizing sentences, buzzwords, and so much more is not clever. At all.
Christ, if I have to read pisspoor word choice like deadpan or an attempt at a blunt yup, I'm going to shit in my PC fans.
This is only scratching the tip of all these wrongs.
My advice? Analyze every piece of criticism. Look at all your posts and think, whats wrong and what could be better. Write for more threads vastly different than this one. Don't use Anon as a crutch, and avoid as many cliches as possible. Like the 'Anon in Equestria is too tough for pony drink, brews his own and kicks everyone's ass in drinking.
Learning to write different types of dialogue and characters is a must and read up on basic English grammar. You don't have to use the mane 6 in every story and have Ponyvile as the backdrop. I severely recommend doing the exact opposite coming up with your own location, setting, theme, and characters.
But that's all too vast for just starting out, keep it to shorts for threads here and there. Short and sweet, slowly expanding depth. If you're serious about writefagging for real, go to the writefag threads for more experienced advice.
TL;DR
not everybody is bound to succeed
>>25975002
Someone's mad today, and didn't take it out by egging a stallionist/masculist/whatever fat lumpy thing that was in Anon's story.
>>25975036
He's not necessarily wrong, though. It could have been presented in a less rude package (being rude on 4chan hurr hurr hurrr), but what he's trying to say is true.
I hope that The Pip comes back, and I hope he takes that Anon's advice.
>>25969448
It's a fun story but you need to work on your English. I will still read it though.
>>25975002
My English is fucking great faggo. why dont you try writing something good instead of complaining about other people who put a lot of time into their writing
>>25975149
>>My English is fucking great faggo
Yeah, >>25975002, quit being a faggo.
>>25975345
MOTHERFUCKER
>>25972504
A "cooler" is a sex toy Equestrian mares use to simulate sex, usually with something that'll pump a soothing cum-like substance in to fool the body into thinking you actually mated.
themoreyouknow.gif
>>25975438
Your English is horrendous. I like the direction of your story, but it is very hard to read.
>>25975536
Fuck, it's not that bad. I'm from the south, and it's better than I can expect from the neighbors.
>>25969429
>It's dandelion wine
>Like I said it's Honey wine
NICE INCONSISTENCIES FAGLORD
>>25969819
>>Rainbow Dash crawls back under your shirt and latches onto you like before.
>>He head popes out of your collar and she glares at Applejack.
My heart
>>25975536
Are you FUCKING kidding me? this unknown writer writes his first green, its better then like any of the usual horseshit I read on RGRE and some neckband retard losers shit all over it anyway. Fucking typical. Don't listen to them The Pip, you're awesome.
>ITT harsh criticism
The Pip, your story is good but it's hard to read. Start by typing the way you talk. Put a comma where you'd pause in a sentence.
Like, from >>25974395
“Twi you alright”
If you were speaking that out loud, you'd probably pause between "Twi" and "you alright". So, you would write it with a comma: "Twi, you alright"
Again, your story is good, but you gotta learn how to type more gooder.
(I'm >>25975345 Anon btw. I was laughing at the slip-up, not at you.)
Don't give up. The world needs more writefags.
>>25975690
Buzz buzz shitlord
>>25975690
Okay, things are getting a bit heated. What's say we all get some sleep and discuss this like adults tomorrow?
What the fuck happened in this thread?
Is Amoeba dead?
>>25975767
Maybe. Seems the writefags (sans bnw, shuks, and L&P to an extent) have abandoned us.
>>25973229
>"SQUEAL, PIGGY! SQUEAL!"
>>25975733
>>25975753
Fuck both of you. Cunts. I don't need sleep to debate fucking 8 year Olds who don't understand good FUCKING writing but yeah lets go to bed because i'm not wasting anymore time on you cockscukers.
>>25975827
You ain't winning any points with this, nigga.
>>25975834
Like I give two shits about what you neckbeard faggots think. i write because it would be a FUCKING crime for someone as good as me not to, not so you all can have jerkoff material and who the fuck asked you anyway
>>25975827
I think this is someone else, for that guy went to sleep hours ago.
Just a thought.
>>25975777
Didn't he write Ivan?
>>25975872
I got up, retard, and I'm fucking PISSED. guess no one here understands what timezones are either DUMBFUCKS
>>25975872
It's possible that it isn't the original The Pip.
(BTW I'm a HUGE faggot and my butt smells and I like to sniff my own butt)
>>25975894
You slept for 2 hours when you have work in 8?
>>25975811
Is this directed at me? Squeal yourself you fat neckbeard fuck
>>25975894
Hey fuck this guy! I woke up to use the bathroom and this asshole's pretending to be me!
>>25975907
Kept waking up randomly so I got up to check the responses to my fucking story and boy am i real regretting I did fuck this place
>>25975914
Fuck you, imposter.
I'm The Pip and so is my wife!
>>25975914
Stop pretending to be me, me!
Hooray. We're all The Pip!
>>25975944
No, you! I'm the real me, dammit!
>>25975940
You lying bastard!
>>25975934
How can our mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real?!
Fucking now you're mocking me by using my fucking name? Hope you know that makes you all namefaggots, fucking assholes.
>>25975149
>>25975438
>(This is the one where he "forgets" to remove his name):
>>25975690
>>25975827
I have never seen such a quick and embarrassing meltdown before in my life. Holy shit, I would suspect this is actually someone else pretending to be pip except who would care enough to do that? It's not like he has a reputation to ruin, he literally just started today.
But I'm really kinda serious about that! Like, I don't want to shit on the guy's writing because what if he's just this meek kid who's trying his best and some asshole came along to impersonate him and make him look bad? This shit is such a perfect storm of badness, from the vehement rejection of even basic criticism, to the obvious misspelling in the very reply where he claims that his English is "fucking great," to samefagging to defend himself and calling himself awesome. All this peppered throughout with these constant juvenile obscenities. Wow.
>>25975968
JOKE'S ON YOU I'M THE REAL THE PIP AND I SAY WE'RE ALL ASSHOLES
EVEN YOU, THE PIP
We're sorry, The Pip. The real one, I mean. Maybe consider a new name and also tripfagging.
>>25975985
haha when I posted this I hadn't refreshed and seen all the "pip" replies
it still could be real though, the earlier posts I mean. after all he said he was an engineering student and like half of those niggas have literal diagnosed autism (as opposed to "ponyfucker" autism) so maybe he's just super sensitive and quick to anger? I dunno, it's been a wild ride.
I'm not some "meek little kid," I'm a FUCKING person. And tripfagging? Good fucking idea so assholes can't impersonate me.
Now THIS is shitposting
Also the Pip (the real one) whenever you get back on you should probably paste your stuff cause it good. Make more, drink less.
>>25976045
AH-HAH!
In his first post, the real The Pip asked the audience if he should continue his story. He's obviously a shy newfag poster. When's the last time you saw a newfag who knew how to trip?
If you're the real The Pip, tell us something that only The Pip would know!
>>25976072
I know how to trip because I fucking looked it up bitch and I'm no fucking newfag either.
>obvious troll
>>25975690
Lol. You forgot to delete your name, bro.
Now THIS is Pip Posting
>>25976102
Now THIS is Pip Racing.
hey dude if you really are impersonating pip, can you just drop the veil for a second and explain your reasoning? he literally posted part of one story, what could you have against him other than his shitty grasp of the english language, which he already acknowledged?
>>25976102
No, THIS is Pip Posting.
>>25976129
He did it because he could.
All this goddamned pippery.
>>25976129
Are you seriously asking why someone would go on to 4chan and do something purely for the sake of causing a shitstorm? Nigger its called trolling.
By the way I'm not actually the guy who started the shitposting I just jumped on the ban wagon cause it looked fun.
>>25976129
Pretty late to keep this up so ima quit. why? Because I'm an asshole and this was a long and unfunny troll. I have no fucking clue who The Pip is and I didnt read one word of what he or she or whatever wrote. I dont even fucking read /mlp/ that much. Man, I really am an asshole, but kudos to the real The Pip for being a good sport.
Oh and uh, FUCK you horsefucking neckbeard faggots.
>>25976211
>>25976223
See you, The Pip. This was a lot of fun.
Would the real pip please stand up.
Is this a new meme?
Is Pip posting the next evolution of Bane posting?
>Pip posting
>>25976268
Did Pip crashed the thread?
>>25976284
With no survivors
I hope the real The Pip comes back. This will give him a bit of a boost if he becomes a real writefag. Already his name is known all across this thread.
>>25976297
I agree
>>25975940
All cest is the best, my friend. Put yourself to the test.
>>25975985
>>25976024
I'm going to stick in the camp that says it's just someone being an ass. I've seen people attack brand new writers in other generals with no provocation before.
So, how is The Pip going to reclaim his identity? We've got about five of them running around, so how does he prove he's the real one?
What the fuck happened to this thread?
>>25976490
Easy, we take blood samples and light the samples on fire
>>25976532
Cock-based security system. No two dicks are the same.
What RGRE plot could be written involving bacon horse and/or fish horses?
>>25975733
It's not as bad as our worst.
http://pastebin.com/RLhtu3Q5
This story is just SOO bad.
This is some pure shitposting here. Gimme a prompt and I'll make a short 1-3 post thing of it. Just so we can stop.
Since all the writefags have abandoned us and content is at an all time low, have a shitty short story by someone who hasn't wrote in years. Honestly to stand any chance of getting back into it I need harsh criticism anyway.
"Holy FUCK Yes!"
>You are Anon, and this is probably the greatest moment of your life
>You finally worked up the nerve to ask out your Waifu Twilight
>She's been a great friend since you got here, other ponies would just stare like a circus just walked into town
>Considering to them you're probably just a huge monkey in clothes it isn't that surprising
>But she would always go out of her way to help, treating even little things seriously like it'd be the end of the world to not fix them
>Really going above and beyond in earning that Princess of Friendship title
>Naturally as always when life starts going well, the inner doubts of your autism creep in
>Remembering how she struggled to say yes makes the happiness you've built up crumble
>What if she only said yes to avoid offending you
>This could be basically you forcing her to go on a date to appease the freaky alien
>Is that technically Rape?
>Is she going to tell the Ponice?
>Going to Pony Prison doesn't sound like a great time
>>25976942
>It's finally time for the date, a classy dinner you made, and by that you mean you ordered takeout because you can't cook for shit
>Twilight arrived and awkwardly sat down, clearly looking uncomfortable and constantly shifting in her seat
>Maybe Pony Prison isn't that bad
>Sitting down your muster your calmest face, just be confident Anon
"So Twilight, how's the food?"
>"It's really good Anon, did you make it?"
"No I just ordered it from a Ponyese takeaway"
>"O-Oh."
>That's not a good sign
>If only confidence could do something about your autism
>Save it Save it
"I really like your chest tuft, do you keep it trimmed?"
>Her gaze turns to that of pure horror, piercing your body as chills consume your very being
>You probably sound like a creepy rapist, dying right now would be great
>Twilight manages to snap out of what you can only assume to be hatred directed towards you
"How about I get us some drinks?"
>"You don't have to do tha-"
"It's no trouble really"
>That's right take control, girls love a man taking charge
>Your suit catches on the chair as you stand
>This leads to your face and the floor becoming formally acquainted
>Twilight sounds terrified "ANON! Are you alright?"
>From the blood on the floor and complete agony coming from your nose, it's safe to assume it's broken
>Time to cut losses and run before the spaghetti spilt threatens to bankrupt the italians
"Well this was great, but I just remembered I had other plans."
>"Anon wait, are you sure you're okay?"
>You quickly push Twilight out of the door despite her protests
>She turns, looking at you strangely
>Are you supposed to kiss her?
>Considering the entire bottom half of your face is dripping blood you opt for a handshake instead
>You're a fucking idiot
>There is no chance in hell she's ever going to look at you the same way again
>Even in a world of multicolour horses, you're still alone
>Be Twilight Sperg
>You just fucked up your one chance at giving the alien the V
>Good going Princess
>>25976934
Ponies try to hold Anon's hand.
>>25975690
Did. Did you just samefag and leave your name on? If that's what just happened, then that's legit the funniest thing I've seen all weekend.
>>25976998
Done. Gimme some time.
>>25976998
>Ponies believe that if they hold a humans hand and make a wish, it will come true.
>Also there's a legend that the wish often gets twisted into something horrifying for giggles, but who would believe something like that?
>Anon discovers that both of these are true.
>Moral of the story: Always hire someone to proofread your wishes.
>Anon goes to get a job
>Finds out he needs the approval of either his mother or the head mare of his herd to apply for jobs
>since anon has neither in Equestria he has to go and ask for dispensation from a princess
>The local one being Twiggles of course
>Anon goes to get a job
>Finds out he needs the approval of either his mother or the head mare of his herd to apply for jobs
>since anon has neither in Equestria he has to become a entrepreneur and start a job by himself.
Diminute lesbian music horses
>>25976846
Well memed, anon.
>>25976942
I liked it, but you really need to include some back story. As is it's just a short thing about two characters I have no emotional attachment to doing some vaguely cute shit that doesn't mean anything to me. Also you're waifu a shit an' you're bref stank.
>>25977009
Damn I'm slow.
>You are Twilight Sparkle.
>And you are going to use all the knowledge you gained from talking to Anon last night to win his heart!
>A get together at the bar with all of your friends lead to some conversation, obviously. Then Anon walked in.
>Before anypony else could, you invited him to your table.
>Hehe. Quite a few mares in the bar gave you a nasty look for that one. But as Rainbow would say, “You snooze, you lose.”
>You admit, you zoned out a little as he talked, but then again any mare can make that mistake.
>But you did catch enough to learn what humans used as affectionate gestures. The one that jumps out to you the most…
>Hand holding.
>But his hands are so d-dexterous… He could feel every part of your hoof.
>Even the soft frog of it.
>U-unf.
>You blink and return your attention outward. What were you doing again?
>Market! That’s it!
>You look around. Anon is usually here on sundays…
>Aha! There he is! Walking away with his back to you.
>Kind of hard to miss his twelve hoof tall frame, afterall.
“Anon! Wait up!”
>You gallop to him as he turns, a smile coming to his face when he sees you.
>”Twilight! Fancy seeing you here,” he says in his usual friendly way. “What brings you out of the castle?”
“Oh, you know…”
1/2
>>25977337
>Crap. No cover story. Nice one Twi.
“Just… Shopping?”
>You’ve got errandmares for that, smart one! He’s going to know you’re up to-
>”Nice to see you still get out sometimes,” he says, smile still in place. “Care to join me?”
>Beat still, my heart.
>You put on a not-in-anyway-nervous smile and reach your hoof up. Now is the moment of truth!
>You place your hoof in the hand (Oh Celestia, it’s so soft!) not holding shopping bags.
>Anon, looks down at you, surprised, but he doesn't pull away. Infact, he tightens his grip!
>His supple thumb presses right into your frog and… And…
>HHRRRRRGGG! Where did your knee strength go?!?
>Don’t pop stiffies, don’t pop stiffies, DON’T POP ST-
>Pomf! Go your wings.
>The dead silence of the market is almost painful. Or it would be painful if the sensation of hand-on-hoof didn’t overpower everything else.
---
>You are Anonymous. Only human in Equestria.
>And you’re holding hands with Twilight?
>Hooves?
>Fuck it. Whatever.
>She stiffens as her wings shootout, practically becoming solid.
>Her face has also gone red. Like, really red.
>Maybe this is embarrassing for her? They do things differently around her, after all.
>Eh, oh well.
>You gently tug Twilight along, getting her to slowly walk with whilst she shudders and shakes.
>Ponies are weird.
2/2
>>25977344
>differently around her
differently around here
Night. Fucking being up late.
>>25977249
It's not a meme. That story was awful,yet people where sucking the writers dick.
It's kinda the dick sucking that leads to people like the pip. Ok this may have been a massive troll-storm but there are writefags who are ass holes like xcusion or whatever.
>>25977364
7/10 it was acceptable -IGN
>>25977075
>Be Anon
>You went out and started your own business
>Sadly, since the amount of technology in Ponyville is very limited and there was already a popular dj in town, you don't have many options
>So, you took up the profession your great great great forefathers did when the potato farms ran dry and famine was rampant across the nation and they had to survive in a foreign land that falsely promised great opportunities
>They whittled tiny, wooden statues
>They made a lucrative, if short term business
>A factory that mass produced tiny, wooden statues pop up just down the street of where they lived
>However, the chances of that happening now are very little
>The only factories that ponies have are cloud factories
>Plus, not only have you learned your forefathers' techniques that have been passed down for generations, you have improved them!
>Tiny, /painted/, wooden statues
>You have a stand full of them already!
>Now, you just have to wait for the money to come in
>Any minute now
>...
>Well, you're sure your forefathers had slow days too
>Might as well add to your surplus stock and start whittling some more statues to paint later
>You grab a block of wood and your trust pocket knife and start whittling away the time
>>25977344
8/10
It was adorable. More stories need hoof holding in them.
>>25977344
>Sensual hoof holding
LEWD
E
W
D
>>25977372
It may not have started as one, but the hate for that story has reached meme status. It's time to let it die. Or not. Either way, you're still a tired maymay spouting nigger.
I go sleep and you shit up thread? I'll cut your cheeki-breeki you capitalist swine
>>25976949
DATING OF THE SPERGS
>>25977052
>wish often gets twisted
>twisted
Durnk, I see what u doing
>>25977075
yes YES Medici Anon when
>>25977344
How the fuck is she walking, she limping on three hooves?
Anon should tell Twiggles that she needs all her hooves for wlaking and tug on her wingbonerinstead
L-L-Lewd
>>25977383
>Be the shiest of Flutters
>You were in the market when you spotted Anon with his own stand
>It looks like he's selling cute, little statues
>You're so glad he found something to do
>The poor thing was so sad when nopony would hire him
>You would hire him in a heartbeat if... you actually owned a business
>You were just surviving off of government money by claiming all of your animal friends as dependents
>Still, you wish that he would find a nice mare so that he wouldn't need a job
>I-I-I mean... you'd like to help him, but... he probably wouldn't be interested in a loser like you...
>But, the least you could do was help his business
>You trot up and he flashes you his pearly white predator teeth
>You always get a... chill when you see his incisors
>And not a bad one
>"Morning Fluttershy! Could I interest you in one of my quality, wooden statues?"
"Oh yes! I would love yo-one. I would love to... have one..."
>"Well, come right up and pick one! They're all 3 bits. But, since you're a good friend, the first one is 2 bits."
"Oh thank you, they all look so... lovely?"
>You don't know what you're looking at
>No, you do; it's a tiny, wooden statue of you
>And about two dozen other ponies in town
>Only, the statue of you was what you used to be
>You were dressed in your old mafia suit with a foam bat in your mouth
>It even had the eye patch you used to wear to make yourself look tougher
>The other statues also showed stuff about the ponies they were based on
>Mayor Mare's real mane color, Cheerilee's old style back when she was in school, Twinkle Shine before her horn extension
>She even had Rainbow Dash back when she wore braces
>She refused to open her mouth in public until they come off, even to eat
>"Anon... how did you make these?"
>"Well, the wood did most of the work. I just helped what it wanted to be to come out. Once I got started, it just flowed out."
>Oh no, other ponies have noticed and are starting to gather
Perhaps The Pip was all of us all along... that The Pip is in the smile of every child, the sun that shines, the colors of the Rainbow... dash.
Whatever, jokes over. I'm late to this party.
>>25977615
Love it so far
>>25977615
>You take out the bits and quickly put the statue in your bag
"ThanksAnongottagobye!!"
>You fly out of there as quickly as you can
>You just hope Anon will be okay
>Be Anon
>You've just had your best sell day ever!
>And since it was your first sell day, it can only go up from here
>You sold out of all your statues in just a few hours
>Even the half finished one you were making while sitting around
>However, this meant that you need to restock all you statues as well
>You look over the statue in your hands
>It was supposed to be Twilight, but she's... being eaten by a quesadilla?
>Oh well, if that's what the wood wants to be, who are you to judge?
I like how this thread leapt on a beloved writefag because his grammar is sometimes spotty, yet allows literal faggots and blatant fat fetishism to go unpunished.
>>25977679
>people
>making sense
your expectations are too high
>>25977679
What's wrong with having a mare with a little chub? It makes them cuddly.
>>25977652
>Anon is like a reversed version of that painter dude from Heroes, and can see the true past of the ponies around him by carving wooden statues.
>>25977615
You didn't shit up thrread, you good cop. One of the few.
>>25977622
Pippy should write more and whine less.
The story was readable, the reaction to somewhat harsh criticism was terrible.
>>25977652
>>25977615
>>25977383
Yussss
>>25977513
>I see what u doing
I didn't think of that, but sure we can have some of the wishes that go horribly wrong involve the twisting of the teats that you are so fond of
>>25977344
Lewd/10
Anon should know that ponies need all their legs to walk, and thus hold her wing instead.
>>25977075
>>25977057
>Anon and scootaloo file adoption papers for each other so they can always have permission in these situations.
>>25976949
more
>>25974624
Fucking discord?
>>25974429
Keep going.
Accidental poisonings of ponies with normal food is fun.
>>25973302
I am amused.
>>25971823
Cute.
>>25977364
>Night
NIgga, my glorious nigga, are you gonna continue that awesome green with anon and the princesses telling his old her to fuck right off? That was some glorious green.
>>25977344
Adorable, amusing, and slightly sexy.
7.5/10
>>25977652
Dude, that shit is good! I like the concept.
Day journey in Equestria
Be Gryphanon
>and right now be on a grassy knoll overlooking the town you know quite well by now
>The wind carries a slight breeze, it warms your face and rustles the grass
>The flapping of wings and the pomf of a landing near by breaks your reminiscing
>Too big to be a pegasus, its a Gryphon
>"so is that it, you just going to leave?"
>There is some apprehension to her voice, concern even
"Aye, but ill be back. I've always come back"
>"How can you be sure?"
"Once you're here, it's forever. No matter how long i'm away ill always wind up wandering back"
>The long pause interrupted by you shouldering your pack
>"how long?"
>Practically whispered
"I don't know, a month maybe more? I have break again in march"
>you begin your long walk
TL;DR Time for me to leave again until spring break, stay good senpai.
Trying not to be a full - retard here, but what's the general outline of RGRE? Sorry, first time visitor to the thread.
>>25978714
Equestria where females are the dominant gender.
They are heads of families, heads of businesses, heads of societies.
They do the shit that needs to be done when it needs to be done,
Mares built this fucking country.and the degeneracy of the latest generations is a disgrace. weak-willed mares that cower before colts, loud whiny stallions that don't know when to shut up and plow, shit like that
>>25978714
reversed gender roles in equestria - basically take the sterotypical gender roles of our world, flip the genders, then apply them to ponies. A lot of people seem to add in more horselike behavour like herding too. dont ask me how it works I am not a fan of it myself.
>>25978759
>>>25978714 (You)
>Equestria where females are the dominant gender.
>They are heads of families, heads of businesses, heads of societies.
>They do the shit that needs to be done when it needs to be done,
>Mares built this fucking country
Isn't that the general premise of the show? Everyone in power is a mare.
>>25978714
Think of the biggest 30's-50's sexist stuff, like women in the kitchen, or only really being able to be waitresses or secretaries and stuff like that.
Now reverse what gender it applies to.
>>25978777
Now go to the fimfic-thread and discuss this with themfucking robot autists. at least they are not also retarded
We do get some rather subtly matriarchal stories, and some less capable anons soon pipe in to say that the stories are "not RGRE enough". But that is life.
>>25978792
Oh, this 'sexism' stuff again. Acknowledging reality isn't sexism.
No matter what job you give a stallion, no matter how you call him - he is still a stallion.
Success is 15% power of will and 50% pain. Colts don't have the former and can't handle the latter.
Equalism is a fine thought exercise in times of plenty, but I know who I want on my six when SHTF
>>25978792
>Think of the biggest 30's-50's sexist stuff, like women in the kitchen, or only really being able to be waitresses or secretaries and stuff like that.
>Now reverse what gender it applies to.
Oh shit, I was just going through your pastebin looking at Wookworker Anon.by the way, is Half-Moon finished? Nothing like reading a 40 chapter story to find it ending adruptly
>>25978884
Essentially, it's finished, but it's also kind of bad.
>>25978854
Sexist Bonbon is hilarious.
>>25978909
>Essentially, it's finished, but it's also kind of bad.
I'm sure I've read worse; in fact i know i havelooking at you Emrys. But while I'm still in your bin, any personal recommendations?
>>25978952
Super toxic ponies is pretty good(and a oneshot)
Luna on Anon on Celestia is rather silly and good for a laugh.
Tentacle Demon Anon is a bit different but good.
Brushie Brushie
How to Train your Changeling is kind of hit and miss, but good.
>>25978931
Filly, the shit I've seen on this job... You wouldn't be laughing.So many lives cut short
I wonder how I still connect to ponies anymore.In fact, I don't know if I do
>>25978714
Think of world where instead of going "Stick your dick in it!", you instead go "Stick it in your cunt!"
Now throw that and Equestria into a blender and microwave the whole thing, including the blender, on high for 10 minutes.
>>25978499We'll miss you
Gibe da white knights, b0ss.
>Anon is extremely clumsy.
>Always falls and hits something.
>Pones see bruises.
>Think someone abuses him.
Or
>Anon realizes that all he needs to get a V it's only ask a mare.
>Starts sleeping around like a fucking bonobo.
>All the town starts to think he's a whore without self-respect.
>Some mares trying to "save" him while others only want to use him.
Or
>No one wants to hire an alien stallion.
>Without money Anon quickly becomes homeless.
>Becomes a prostitute and lives in a box.
>Some mare takes him home and forces him to eat all the eggs.Or all it together.
>>25979371
Anon is a clumsy hobo who sells sex and gets frequently kidnapped by a certain mare who forces Anon to eat all the eggs?
>>25979371
those got darker and darker the more I kept reading.
>>25979371
First one
>>25979371
Would love to see some cringey mare white knights/nice girls.
>>25978499
>>25979128
>Sexist Special Agent Sweetie Drops is assigned to be Anon's secret bodyguard by the Princesses.
>She spies on him to make sure nobody messes with him or that he doesn't hurt himself.
>Sees him cooking with foods that are fine for humans but poisonous to ponies.
>Panics
>Starts to think that Anon is a terrorist
>>25979726https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_plants_poisonous_to_equines
>Meanwhile, Anon is determined to finally make proper french fries
"Those fuckers aren't getting my spuds this time."
>"Owowowowowowo! Stop dabbing so bucking hard Spike!"
>You flinched as Rarity dressed your wounds
"Rainbow, what did I tell you about swearing in front of Spike?" you growled, snapping at your herd mate. "You know that- Celestia dammit!"
>Rarity let out an amused giggle as you hissed in pain, putting the finishing touches on the bandage on your head
>It was the day after the absolute flank kicking that you had gotten the other day and BOY were you hurting
>Everything ached, you had welts from the tip of your bucking snout to the end of your tail, and your head hurt like a motherbucker
>The only solace that you had--even though it was more than a little petty-- was that you weren't the only one hurting today
>There were thirty other mares getting bandaged up by their herd mates
>Some of whom were probably getting a little chuckle at how you all acquired these wounds
>Just like Rarity here...
>Your wings twitch as Rarity began to wrap a gauze around your barrel, an amused smile on her face
>"Well, I hope that you've all learned your lesson, dearies," she said, obviously trying not to laugh. "Tartarus hath no fury like an angry stallion."
"Yeah, yeah, you keep laughing it up, Rarity," you muttered. "You'll be laughing when that crazy stallion comes back into town and beats YOU with a stick."
>THAT shut the overgrown marshmallow up, Rarity's nose scrunching up as she saw to your wounds
>Spike, who had been quiet this whole time, finally spoke up
>"I told you that he wanted to be left alone, Twi."
>Rainbow let out a string of profanities as he tied the bandage around her hoof up a little too tight
>"If you would have just listened to me none of this would have happened..."
>The hurt that came into his voice as he said this hits you in the gut, prompting you to get up from your stool to walk over to the little guy
>Owowowowowowowowowowowo
>Buckbuckbuckbuckbuck
>Fightthroughthepainyoubigbaby!
>>25979955
IT RETURNS.
>>25979955
>>25979997
What is this a sequel to?
>>25979726
>Fast forward about 10 years.
>Anon makes Bonbon the alpha girl of his vast harem.
>Their family life is...unusual.
>>25979955
>Showthatyou'reagoodbigsister!
>Though it feels like it takes a million years to walk the ten feet over to Spike eventually you do
>Wincing, you sat down in front of him
"You know what Spike? You were right," you tell the dragon, slowly wrapping a wing around him.
>...Ow
"I shouldn't have blown you off like that. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry for it."
>Though he still looked upset Spike leaned into your wing
>Wincing again you tightened your wing hug
>You know that Spike and Anonymous had somehow formed a friendship
>You knew that Spike didn't have very many stallion friends, and the ones that he did weren't very good influences
>And while Anon was usually the biggest dickhead in the world to you and most other ponies he treated your little brother like he was HIS little brother
>In turn Spike had latched onto the giant stallion
>That was one of the main reasons why you wanted Anonymous to stay in bucking town and not run around the forest like a wild man
>Wanting to get into those pants of his aside
>If he was around Spike a little more, being big and lumbering and angry like he always was, he might show Spike how to be a good--if slightly angry-- stallion that could look after himself
>With a look he'd keep a gold digging or power hungry mare from trying to snatch up your baby brother
>From what Spike told you Anonymous knew a heck of a lot about dragons, so he might be able to help him with the birds and the bees as well as dragon puberty
>You liked to think that you did pretty good for Spike
>But you were just a mare; a very busy mare that didn't know who to trust with Spike
>And while you didn't care for Anon all that much, especially with what happened the other day, you knew you could trust Spike with him
>But as of now the two barely interacted with each other
>Anonymous only came to town once or twice a month and when he came into town he usually didn't come to the library unless he needed a new book
>>25980058
>Spike wasn't getting the big, strong, supportive brother that he needed
>And, putting your selfish reasons aside, just think about Anon
>Living in a dangerous forest with nopony to talk to but the trees probably wasn't good for him
>And what if he got hurt in that forest and nopony was around to help him?
>Even if he was willing to die because he was being stubborn you weren't going to accept it
>He needed to interact with some ponies, he needed to be able to go to sleep in a safe, warm place
>He needed to be taken care of or at the very least he needed to be close enough so that you all could keep an eye out for him
>It didn't even matter if he found himself a herd or not (though that would have been great too), he just needed to come and live closer to civilization
>And since you contacted the other princesses hopefully they'd be able to either help you convince him or force him into see your point of view
>...But first you were still going to insist that Anon get punished for beating the horse apples out of all of you
>Twilight Sparkle ain't getting smacked around by no stallion without that stallion getting smacked back
>...Or at least brought to justice...
>"...I know that you just want to keep him safe, Twi, but Anon just wants to be left alone," the little dragon muttered
>You wrapped your wing a little tighter around him, nuzzling his cheek
"And what if he got hurt, Spike? What if he got sick and nopony was around to help him?" you asked as Spike let out a sigh. "I know that you might not agreed with what I was trying to do but it was for Anon's own good."
>...Celestia dammit does your bucking flank hurt...
>"I think I'll be the judge of that, Twilight."
>If you weren't so bucking hurt you would have jumped out of your fur as somepony stuck their muzzling into your ear and whispered those eight words
>But you were bucked up
>>25979726
Implying BonBon and Anon aren't going to be horsemarried within months.
>>25978499
Goodbye, senpai.
>>25979955
my peepers are wide openg
>>25980099
>You had bruises on your bruises
>So, instead of jumping and yelling like a crazy pony, you slowly turned your head
>There, somehow standing in your living room, was both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna
>Your fellow princesses were right there and you hadn't gotten a warning so you could clean up the castle or get them tea and cakes or even--
>Princess Celestia, you teacher, giggled when she saw your expression
>"Now, now Twilight, there's no need to work yourself up. My sister and I aren't here with any official business."
>The white alicorn looked at your herd mates, who were bowing, in amusement
>"And there's no need to bow my little ponies. Please, stand up. Stand up!"
>Rainbow and Rarity does as she asked while you took a few deep breaths to calm yourself
>You didn't expect Luna and Celestia to come so quickly...
>And you might have been a little freaked out that they just APPEARED in your house...
>But this was good!
>Now you could nip this whole mess with Anon in the bud before it got any worse!
>A small, relieved smile works its way onto your face
"Thank goodness you're here, Princess. I had no idea what to do about all of this..."
>Celestia smiled
>"Luna and I are happy to help," she said, looking over to her sister, who nodded in agreement. "Now, Twilight dear, why don't you start from the beginning?"
>You are Anon, the only human in Equestria.
>And AS the only human in Equestria, it has been decided that it is up to you to preserve your culture.
>Princess Celestia, in exchange for citizenship and a nice little cabin, has just one request for you:
>Meet up with her appointed writkeeper weekly in order to make sure that Humanity never dies in Equestria, and to share your species' development for the Princess's people to use and adapt.
>Basically, share your tech or it's back into the Everfree Forest for you.
>Naturally, you agreed. You STILL walk with a bit of a limp from your stint in that forest, three months ago.
>Anyway, today is the day you meet up with Twilight Sparkle, resident booksmith and keeper of knowledge.
>You want to make it perfectly clear that you didn't come up with that. That was straight-up how Twilight introduced herself to you.
>She poofed up her chest and struck a pose and made her coat look all sparkly when she said that. It was really cute and you couldn't keep yourself from smiling at the display. Her little ears perked up when she saw your reaction, and she started treating you like a good friend after that. Silly ponies. You guess that was their version of a firm handshake.
>Now, under normal circumstances you would be half-way to Twilight's fancy treehouse by now, but a certain mare is blocking your way.
>Fucking flu-Wait, no, not today.
>It's Rainbow Dash.
>D'aww, she's all dressed up for you.
>She's got a pair of really nice-looking wings coming out from below her tail. They're coloured like her cutie mark, and have glitter and gems glued to them.
>You don't know what she's doing here, but you like it already.
>Without a word, Rainbow Dash flaps her wings a few times and gets up on her hind legs, and wobbles a few times before she catches her balance. She purses her lips like she's about to start whistling and.....
"Chiiii-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!"
>>25979955
Are hero has RETURNED!
>>25980148
>The fuck is this shit.
>She's chirping at you. You know, like a bird would. This is the most bizarre thing you've seen so far in magic horseland.
>She spreads her wings out as wide as they'll go and starts hopping in place. Her bedazzled ass-wings are shining in the morning sunlight, casting rainbows on the ground and in the air around her.
>Honestly, as weird as this is, her performance is actually pretty impressive.
>You look down her body to get a good look at her ass-wings and OOPS you get an eyefull of puffy, wet, horse cootchie.
>Oh jeez, she's going to be SO PISSED you got a look at her privates, even IF they were on full display.
>It reminds you a bit of the girls back on Earth.
>If you didn't want me to stare at your ass, why did you put WORDS there?!
>You look back up as quickly as you can. Not once has Rainbow broken eye-contact with you.
>You begin to sweat. This dance has taken a really intense turn.
>Maybe she didn't notice you were glanced at her no-no place.
"Chiiiiiii-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!"
>She has the biggest shit-eating grin on her face. Fuck.
>Now she's started to hop side-to-side, and the tips of her wings are fluttering at you. You guess you encouraged her? Or something? You honestly still don't know what the fuck Rainbow's trying to accomplish here.
>You swear to fucking god, this came out of NOWHERE. Yesterday, the ponies were acting normally, like people would. Now you got a tiny blue pony with wings coming out of her keister flashing herpink pony pussyat you.
>>25980163
Maybe Twilight will understand if you decide to skip today's session. She's always had your back when mares accosted you. She'd stand in front of you and make herself all poofy, and that would scare the other pony off. Apparently it isn't proper for a mare to just swipe her tail at a stallion, or something like that. She and her friends were pretty peeved when that happened for the first time.
>You're just about to turn around and get back inside when something yellow bursts from a nearby bush.
>Fucking Fluttershy.
>You brace yourself for impact, only for the colission to never arrive.
>It seems that she's confronting Rainbow Dash instead. And Fluttershy has her own weird outfit on too. You had been hoping that this was just Rainbow being weird, but life is full of disappointments.
>Aww, she's even got little ass-wings too. Only they're not sparkly like Rainbow's are. They're actually brown. Brown and white and black and gray and oh shit that's fur.
>You know that Fluttershy takes care of animals, so you guess you know where the fur came from. After Rainbow's display, you're honestly a little worried that Fluttershy did something to her animals to get all that fur. You wonder what dance is in store for you.
>But no dance comes. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are both on their hind legs, circling each other.
"Chii-chii-chii-chaaaaaaaaa" says the yellow one.
>>25980138
>Be Celestia
>It had been quite some time since you and Luna had let yourselves in Twilight's home
>You, your sister, Spike, Twilight, and two of the other elements were seated comfortably in chairs as Twilight and the other girls told you all about what was going on
>Spike, ever the gentledrake, had gotten you tea, some cakes, and he had even went out and collected a few of the mares that Twilight had taken with her to collect Anonymous
>Both you and Luna had sat there listening to mare after mare tell the story of what happened for most of the morning
>Every single filly that was brought before you looked like she had walked through Tartarus during lunch time
>Bruises were common, as were welts
>A few mares were missing teeth and feathers
>And once or twice you had insisted that mare do to the hospital to get herself looked over
>But their voices were strong as they said what they needed to say
>Apparently Anonymous hadn't gotten along with your little ponies from the beginning
>After only a week he had left your ex-student's house, he had acquired an axe and a knife from somewhere, and had taken up residence in the Everfree, only coming into town once in a blue moon to get some supplies
>Every time he came into town he was aggressive to everypony that he talked to, he spoke only when he had to, and from what you gathered he was prone to threaten and snap at anyone that tried to be around him for any length of time
>All of this had come to a head when your student had gotten the bright idea of forcing Anonymous to live in town
>While you appreciate your old student's enthusiasm in helping others it wasn't hard to see that she had gone a little overboard
>While you agreed that something needed to be done with Anon forcing him to do something that he wasn't comfortable with or unwilling to do was NOT something that a Princess of Equestria should be doing
>>25980178
"Chiii.... Chiii..... Chiiii" says the blue one, her tone make it clear that this was a warning.
>Rainbow Dash looks seriously pissed right now. Quick as a whip, she stomps over to Fluttershy and starts squaking aggressively at her.
"Scha-scha-scha-scha-scha-scha-scha!"
>Fluttershy takes a few steps back, but keeps on circling Rainbow. Fluttershy retaliates by honking like a goose and trying to bite Rainbow Dash.
>Them's fightin' words, apparently, because Rainbow Dash gets all up in Fluttershy's business, hissing at the yellow pony and hitting her with her wing-tips.
>Fluttershy turns around, gets back on all-fours, and starts running away, with Dash in hot persuit. She only chases her a few meters, though, before turning around and trotting up to you.
>Aww, she looks so proud of herself. After a display of dick-measuring like that, you eagerly comply when she raises her front hoofs in the universal sign of "uppies?"
>You walk away with Rainbow Dash in your arms, nuzzling your neck and making happy bird noises.
