>>25626652
>>human for horses == unicorn for humans
>Anon is seen as an extremely rare mythical creature by the ponies
>Is invisible to non-virgins
>Ponies are healed at a touch
>Diplomatic immunity
>Uses these powers for the lulz

>>25629755
>Anon is invisible to non-virgins
>Goes around dicking ponies that can't see him

>>25629783
>Some ponies try to act like they can see him
>Anon plays along with ones that pay him

>>25629755

>Twilight pretends to not see Anon so she doesn't loses mare-cred with her friends.

>>25629755
Rarity can't even believe Anon exists she is so unvirgin.

>>25629755
>>25629783
>>25629813
>>25630045
I think the idea is that a unicorn can only be ridden by a virgin. Non-virgins can see it, but it'll buck them in the chest if they get close.

>>25630117
But that sounds less fun to read/write about than invisibility.
Fun > Historical accuracy

>>25629783
someone kinda did this once. "plastic pony parts" or something. turned into a surprisingly long green.

>>25630114
kek.
actually, have we had an rgre story that explored women being the promiscuous ones that brag about how many stallions they've fucked? guess that would make rarity the pone Russel Brand how appropriate, since she is "branding" all the stallions as her own. what i'd really enjoy is flutters being the secret winner having fucked damn near every stallion, but i can't figure how to translate that well. there may be some combination of what characteristics are reversed that would make it work though.

>>25630117
>>25630117
>I think the idea is that a unicorn can only be ridden by a virgin.
Therefore, Anon can only be ridden by virgins.

Anon becomes a semi-mystical being like Santa Claus or succubus-like being, who, according to legend, will appear from nowhere and deflower desperate single mares.
Or something.

Anon becomes known as "The Deflowerer" or something.

Or Anon goes around, showing single beta mares the times of their lives or something.
Everyone finds him attractive, but the more attractive and assertive mares are jealous that they can't brag about fucking Anon, because ... Something something idea.
Or something.

>>25630327
>Anon can only be ridden by virgins
everytime he meets a pone he likes, they go out for a while, finally get down to some lovins... and as soon as they're done, the pone disappears. anon's love life is a never ending hell as everyone he loves is immediately taken away. but he's too stupid to recognize the obvious pattern.

eh, the idea sounded good in my head initially, but it kinda sucks.

>>25630372
or anon immediately becomes invisible to them.

>>25630372
Not gonna lie that would suck, but it would make for some good green.

>>25630372
I was thinking more along the lines of:
Anon has a thing for somewhat awkward, cute in his view, at least, mares who lack the confidence to ask out a stallion.
He also feels a little sorry for them, because he used to be like that back on Earth.
In Equestria, most ponies consider him pretty attractive (or at least exotic enough to be hot as hell).
So, Anon goes around, finding shy mares in bars who keep spilling spaghetti when they try to ask out the stallions.
He takes them out, not taking a nervous "no" for an answer, and shows them the best time of their lives.
When he manages to turn them into more confident mares who are happy with themselves, and convinced that they can be just as attractive as the other mares, he moves on.
Anon gains a reputation for this, and it becomes a fetish for a number of ponies.

The whole "being gently dominated by a male who insists that you're absolutely beautiful, even if you think otherwise" thing, I mean.

Some ponies consider it something to be proud of, because they were one of the rare few who fucked / were chosen by the hot alien.
Others are a little embarrassed, because admitting that he chose you is admitting that you were a shy, self-conscious mare.
Everyone remembers it fondly though.

I would totally write this (I could probably write it more clearly than I'm explaining it), but I don't really have the time.

>>25630400
An invisible husbando is fine too.

>TFW your husbando can sneak in wherever you are for some hot lovin'
>TFW anypony who complains about him gets laughed at for being a virgin
>TFW invisible dickings erryday

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>>25629755
if WHAT under the condition that humans for horses are equal to unicorn for humans?
>Humans:
>Described in Star Swirl the Bearded's "Encyclopaedia Mythatica" as tall, biped, and furless.
>Humans are said to have existed thousands of years ago, as suggested by ancient stone carvings and magically-preserved illustrations (see page 488 through 532).
>Humans did not have hooves, but instead their appendages split into five digits, which gave the Human the distinct ability to manipulate objects in their environment. They were said to have been extremely dexterous, capable of placating even the angriest mare with ear scratches and belly rubs.
>Although almost every single source from all across pre-classical era Equestria reports that these Humans had no ability to manipulate magic on their own, they themselves were still considered magical.
>Any wound obtained by natural means would be healed by the kind Human's touch. In cases where the pony was uninjured, the Human's touch would bring peace and serenity to the pony's mind.
>Only those untainted by the temptation of sex are able to see the Human. The means it uses to hide itself from those who have experience carnal pleasure are unknown.
>The book notes that several different pony cultures, each existing in different time periods and locations across Equestria, claim the same thing:
>A Human is so pure of heart, that it may choose to give up its' "essence" to transform any pony into and equally pure form: An alicorn.
>Star Swirl hypothesises that the disappearance of Humans may be directly related to the extremely low alicorn population.

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>>25630608
I like it.

>>25630608
>You are Twilight.
>And there's a creature in your bed.
>It's like nothing you've ever seen before, outside of your books.
>A "Human".
>You were sceptical at first, of course.
>What kind of researcher/scholar would you be if you weren't?
>Attempts to remove its' rubber hands were unsuccessful, for example.
>You miiiiiight have tried to remove its' fake weird cock a good few times.
>F-for science, of course!
>You mean, maybe it was just really stuck on there.
>So... you tugged it.
>And tugged it.
>And kept on going until the creature was kind enough to present you with a sperm sample.
>In your mouth.
>Okay, look.
>Mythological creatures don't exist.
>So... neither does this "Human".
>Technically it wasn't rape OR bestiality.
>......
>He could have said no at any time.
>Just sayin'.
>Oh Sun Above you're going to go straight to pony jail if Princess Celestia finds out about this.
>You don't know if you could handle the four whole weeks that Rape would get you sentenced to.

>>25630327
>Everyone finds him attractive, but the more attractive and assertive mares are jealous that they can't brag about fucking Anon, because ... Something something idea.
Then anon ends up with his pony waifu and bitches be like "I KNOW that pony wasn't no virgin!"

>>25630787
>Turns out, only Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and yourself could see it.
>That meant for an embarrassing Element meet-up around the Human's bed.

>TS: "Well? Here it is! Of course, everypony knows what a Human is, but only the oldest books delve into the lore and cross-reference it legends from different cultures."
>RD: "Wow! Look at that thing! What do the books say it can do, Twi?"
>R: "Darling, please stop this charade. I'm afraid I'm quite busy with orders, and I simply cannot afford to waste any time playing around."
>Well, there goes Rarity.
>Whatever. That just means more Human for you.
>And more opportunities to take samples from it.
>RD: "What's HER problem? It's not every day you meet something straight out of a Daring Doo book."
>Why are Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy giving you such weird looks?
>AJ: "Ah have to agree with Rainbow. He sure is a fine specimen, ain't he? Ah wouldn't mind havin' him workin' as mah farmcolt."
>RD: "And just look at those hoof-spiders! Can you imagine the belly rubs this colt could dish out?"
>Rainbow Dash is looking at you way too eagerly for you comfort.
>Celestia, Dashie, lower your bucking tail already.
>RD: "When do you think the Human will wake up, Twi?"
>Fluttershy walks over to get a closer look, and her face scrunches up in confusion.
>FS: "U-uhm, not th-that I want to in-interrupt, but I don't think I c-can see anypony in your bed, Twilight."
>Pinkie Pie takes the opportunity to scare the PISS out of you by jumping out from behind your back.
>PP: "You're being silly, Twilight! There's nopony in your bed."

>>25631043
>Pinkie gasps and you feel dread wash over you.
>As you walk through the valley of scraped knees and boo-boos...
>PP: "Are we playing make-believe?"
>Oh.
>Well, then.
"No, Pinkie, we aren't."
>You sigh in a mixture of frustration and disgust.
"Why can't you see him? He's right there! The only ponies who can't see a Human ar-"
>You freeze.
>Oh no.
>Oh please, Celestia above, no.
>Please don't make you admit that you've never had sex in front of your friends.
>You don't want to be outed as a kissless virgin.
>Not like this.
>PP: "The only ponies who can't see a Human are WHAT, Twilight?"
>Oooh, this bitch has a shit-eating grin on her face.
>She knows what's up.
".... Only virgins can see a Human...."
>Pinkie Pie and her stupid smug face ju-
>There's an ear-splitting shriek from about two feet to your left.
>RD: "WHAT?!"
>Oh.
>OH!
>Lick your clit, Pinkie Pie, you aren't the only pathetic loser in this room!
>Rainbow Dash is SERIOUSLY freaking out right now.
>RD: "N-no! That can't b-be right! I'm not a virgin!"
>She's sweating bullets now.
>RD: "I-I've had sex with so many stallions back in Cloudsdale. Th-they all wanted the V! All of them!"
>Applejack takes pity on Rainbow Dash and places a calming hoof on her withers.
>RD: "Now Rainbow, t'ain't nuthin' to be 'shamed of. Why, it jus' means yer gunna be pure for yer special somepony, jus' lahke he'll be fer you."
>AJ nods her head serenely.
>AJ: "Jus' lahke the Great Apple intended."
>....
>You just realized that Fluttershy can't see the Human.
>Now you just feel sad.

>>25631053
The End.

Two stallions are fighting, who tries to stop them?
Which mares are spectating?
And which mare sets off a rain cloud over them?

>>25631053
>Fluttershy can't see the Human.
Fuck you, fuck your shit, fuck the shit you like, fuck the shit who like the shit you write, fuck the shit hole you came from, fuck the shit hole you came in, fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything, Fuck! You're shit.

jk

>>25631334
RD gets the cloud to achieve Wet Mane look
TS uses slomo on them
PP does the sentual play by play
AJ cheers 'em on
FS blazes up her poison joke and provides a porny sound track
R is worst pone so who gives a fuck otherwise known as i couldn't think of anything for her

>>25629755
Alternate idea.
>Humans are the pone equivalent of mythical unicorns.
>Therefore, like unicorns, humans are seen as beautiful, graceful creatures.
>Anon acts like a cunt, but everyone sees grace and poise.
>Only Rarity sees him for being a tactless cunt, but everybody treats her like she's crazy.
>Anon teams up with Rarity to try to get ponies to stop acting like a hiker who just stumbled across a deer around him.

>>25631531
I chose rarity for the prompt because she's the polite and graceful character archetype, but you can insert any pone flavor you prefer.

>>25631599
Oh thank you, how thoughtful.

>>25631531
>>25631599
>Rarity is the only one able to see Anon as he truly is because she's the only virgin in town.

Alright I havent been around for a while and wanna start reading Analplug Anons stuff.
Is he writing an ongoing story? Or should I jsut read everything i can find in his pastebin?

>>25631019 >>25630528 >>25630327 >>25629755
No, what are you doing anons! I went to sleep for 5 hours and you are fetish fueling! You were supposed to be the chosen ones! Noooo

Myths are myths! And Anon is real and not at all mythical! And he smells! And he isn't aesthetic like a Greek god!
And everypony notices it and disappoint.

you faken fetishishers

>>25631531
Alternate idea.
>Humans are the pone equivalent of mythical unicorns.
>Therefore, like unicorns, humans are seen as beautiful, graceful creatures prone to stabbing and eating anyone who offends them.
>Anon only cares about shoving as many inebriating substances as he can into his body, and hasn't had any idea what the fuck is happening in years.

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>>25631053
".... Only virgins can see a Human...."
>Pinkie Pie and her stupid smug face ju-
>There's an ear-splitting shriek from about two feet to your left.
>RD: "WHAT?!"
>Lick your clit, Pinkie Pie, you aren't the only pathetic loser in this room!
>Rainbow Dash is SERIOUSLY freaking out right now.
>RD: "N-no! That can't b-be right! I'm not a virgin!"
>She's sweating bullets now.
>RD: "I-I've had sex with so many stallions back in Cloudsdale. Th-they all wanted the V! All of them!"
>....
>....
>PP: "Nah, I'm just yanking your tails sillies. What kind of magic does it even need to become INVISIBLE to sexy-smexy mare like us, eh Flutters?"
>FS: "Twilight, I didn't think you would confuse your animoos with books of myths. I, I think I even know which one you get that idea from. I don't think it was a good one."
>The situation was embarrassing when you were ousted as a kissless virgin in front of your friends, right?
>It went from that to even worse
"T-t-this is serious, girls! There is a mythical creature, unconscious, right here, and you are playing it as a joke?"
>R: "Darling, seeing you three so strung-out, we couldn't resist--"
"And the myths are SERIOUS! I, I remember reading it in the "Encyclopaedia Mythatica"! I, I'll prove--"
>R: "Darling!"
>What does this slut think of herself, holding me with her magic??
>R: "Twilight, you are no longer a schoolfilly. You should know that books don't hold all the answers."
>PP: "If they did, nothing new would ever happen, silly!"
>R: "That's right. Somepony has to write the new ones, after all!"
>That...
>That makes a surprising amount of sense.
>R: "But, just in case there is some, ahem, truth to the legends--"
>PP: "--we're just going to le-e-eave you three pure filly-willies with this so obviously male and so obviously mythical human"
>FS: "...Don't tire him out too much though, he is unconscious now, and may still be a little weak for... experiments.....hee-hee..."

>You are Twilight Sparkle and your friends are cunts.

>>25632170
The simple test would be to smack them with Anon's hand.
He's invisible not incorporeal, right?

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>>25632250
which head?

Also:
Rarara swims in stallions because famous, stylish and suave
Pinkie is a pickup artist - as in, truly ARTist and not the kind that read a few books
Flutters is just too hot (hot damn!), stallions spill hay in front of her so much she bales it up and sells it

>>25632295
>>25632250
Shit, WHY WHY did I read HAND as HEAD???
dirty dirty dirty
penis-slappin in tittwistquestria

>Stallions' penises are always obstructed by the stallion
>Anon's just sticks out
>He uses this fact for shenanigans.
>Pulls it to the side and slaps mares
>Then one night during an adult PPParty he plays candy catapult with the mares
>He's a total hit
>Stallions jealous as mares literally eat candy from his dick

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What's the RGRE equivalent?
What if it were a stallion?

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>>25632450
duh

>>25631811
>...as long as you don't count anal. Or blow bangs.

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Better yet
What is RGRE equivalent?

>Day average young driver in Equestria
>You were just driving out of city, until you where blinded by some asshole with high beams on.
>You probably took a weird exit while recovering from the blinding, ended up on some lone rural road in the middle of pastel hills and fields.
>You’ve been driving for at least a few hours.
>Though either your tank really is full, or your dial is stuck.
>You accelerate and take over another of those weird looking car/carriage hybrids.
>You see a few every couple of kilometers. Piloted by these small dog horse looking things.
>You were somewhat confused by them, but after being chased by a dragon, a cow thing and a bunch of other animals, you don’t care anymore.
>You see a dog horse thing in the distance, holding a sign at you.
>You’re not sure what the sign is, but seeing as the thing is in your path, you slow down.
>Eventually, you stop at a white line at an intersection.
>The traffic cop -or at least you think it’s a traffic cop- directs traffic at the intersection.
>A steady stream of carriages drive past.
>Sometimes, the cop looks your way with confusion.
>A carriage stops somewhat harshly next to you.
>You turn to look to your left.
>The carriage is pretty pimped out.
>Lowered, 20inch triple spoked wheels, slotted brake shoes, colored hub, tinting panes, THICK grill.
>Gold, pink and silver color everywhere.
>The driver of the carriage lowers the window and looks you in the eye.
>In a feminine voice.
>”You ‘mirin my ride?”
>She has pink fur, and a horn or something on her head.
“It’s alright.”
>You respond in a flat voice.
>”Ooh, you’re a colt. That’s a pretty funky ride you’ve got baby.”
>>”Cadence! Leave him alone!”
>A male voice from inside commands her.
>”Don’t worry Shiny, I’m just having fun. Say, you wanna put that rotting lumber up against a real ride?”
>You chuckle at the absurd situation, and promptly respond.

>>25632885

“Alright.”
>”Nice. Don’t choke on my dust too hard babe.”
>The horn on her head glows a bit.
>You assume she revs, or her version of it. Sounds like a low rumble, twinkle and whine.
>You put your car into neutral, and rev in response.
>Your engine drowns out any other sound in the area, and some birds fly out of the nearby trees.
>Not bad for a 2.0l inline-4.
>The traffic cop gets startled, and looks at you angrily.
>The person next to you says something about that being impressive.
>The traffic cop eventually stops the traffic in front of you, and then turns to you.
>You put your car back into drive.
>You glance to the person next to you. She does the same and grins.
>The cop looks at the two of you nervously, closing its eyes, and then blows a whistle.
>The carriage next to you makes a rumbling, twinkling and whining noise and slowly pulls out of the intersection.
>You gently apply throttle and slowly accelerates to 20km/h just past the other person.
>She tries to accelerate past you, but you just speed up, and your transmission steps down.
>You only accelerate until her carriage is just behind your rear door. 25 km/h.
>In your rear view mirror, you can see her clench her teeth and her horn glows brighter.
>She accelerates faster than before, past you.
>You decide to end it, and floor your accelerator.
>Since you are in second gear, your engine doesn’t rev too hard, but either way, you fly past the other carriage.
>You don’t stop accelerating until you hit 110 km/h and see the carriage disappear in your rear view mirror.
>You set cruise control, and take your foot off the gas.
>Good luck to those two, you’ll get along somehow.

>>25632889

>Seeing some traffic up ahead, you gently slow your car down to 50km/h
>You overtake cartridges as they show up.
>Carefully of course.
>You see a carriage with white and gold coloring and a flag on it.
>You briefly glace as you pass it.
>Two long horse things, around 2 balls or something.
>You realize you have a good distance of highway ahead of you, so you accelerate.
>You quickly hear a siren.
>You search around you, and realize it’s coming from the white gold carriage.
>It’s some kind of weird cop car.
>An OPP carriage? Maybe you’re in Amish country.
>You decide to take the risk and just speed up.
>You step down on the gas and start accelerating steadily.
>You see the carriage behind you accelerate after you.
>Soon, your speedometer shows 100 again and you weave in and out of carriages.
>The cop carriage tries to maintain pursuit, but it can’t.
>You see it fade into the distance obscured by dust.
>You smile in unpredictable satisfaction.
>Continuing to drive at your current speed to avoid the cop catching up to you.
>You drive for another 20 or so minutes, and slow your car to 100 before setting cruise control again.
>Relaxing you reach into your cup holder and sip on your long cold timmies coffee.
>While the cold drink is not too good on its own, the taste of satisfaction and victory masks its flavor.
>Looking into your side mirror, you’re satisfaction is broken.
>2 flying horse things are behind you, and gaining fast.
>You angrily chug your cold French vanilla, and toss it out the window.
>Placing both hands on the wheel, you realize the flying cops are right next to you.
>The cop screams in a commanding female voice.
>”In the name of the princess! Stop!”
>You respond angrily:
“I DINT’DU NUFFIN!”
>”You are under arrest for speeding! 21 cases of Dangerous driving! 7 accounts of disregarding the road rules! And one account of littering!”

>>25632903

>You throw a balled up tissue at the horse cop.
>”TWO accounts of littering!”
>>”Please sir! Just slow down! We can help you!”
>You realize there is another cop to the right of your car.
>>”Please sir! I’m sure we can solve this misunderstanding!”
>You accelerate in response.
>The two cops manage to keep up as you go from 100 to 110.
>You see both of them are sweating and you decide to step it up.
>110-120 km/h.
>The cop is clearly huffing and puffing.
>You add another 5 to your speedometer and the one to your right slows down behind you.
>That’s one down.
>You look left at the remaining cop.
>She’s clearly tired, but not letting up.
>You floor your accelerator, and your engine vibrates harder than usual.
>You clear the cop, as you reach 135 km/h.
>You think you’ve reached top speed for your car, as the speedometer is moving very slowly.
>You then think to put your windows up, and do so.
>The car quickly gains another 10 km the second both windows are up.
>You watch in your rear view mirror as the cops slow down and stop, screaming at your trunk.
>Soon they’re nowhere to be seen.
>You keep up at 145, and decide to take the next turn to shake them off.
>You sigh.
> Prepare to meet the challenge of the new frontier

>>25632910

>About 40 or so minutes and 20 or 30 turns in random directions.
>You’re certain you’re in the clear.
>You steadily slow your speed down as you enter a town to hide from the cops.
>And take a leak.
>As you slow, you quickly realize the rattling coming from the front right of your car.
>You’ve burst a tire.
>You push the hazard light above your atmosphere controls and pull off the road into an empty space.
>You slow and stop your car.
>Horse things eye you as you step out of your ride.
>You press the lock button on your remote.
>Then again, just out of habit.
>The car honks, and its lights flash startling the folk, drawing more attention to you.
>You walk towards what you think is a food store or something.
>On entering, you see an orange horse leaning in her chair.
>She sees you enter.
>”Well howdy partner! Ain’t seen yer kind ‘round these parts. Welcome to the Apple family co-op!”
“You gotta bathroom around here?”
>She suddenly becomes more polite, and sits in her chair properly.
>”Oh ah, yea, it’s in the back. ‘llow me to show ya sir.”
>She leads you to a door next to another door.
>”There ya are. Ah hope everything is to yer liking, sir.”
>She bows and presents the bathroom.
“Thanks.”
>You enter to relatively clean restroom, and get down to business.
>You keep overhearing some argument about how others aren’t allowed the bathroom or something.
>Something about only colts needing a bathroom.
>”Ah mare can just use the bushes out back! Ah colt need the privacy!”
>You tune it out.

>>25632920

>Eventually, you leave the bathroom.
>You return to the storefront and think to ask the store owner for directions.
>”Ah hope ya found everythin to yer likin. Sir.”
“Yea, thanks for that. Say you happen to know any tire repair shops?”
>”Broke a wheel on yer carriage?”
“Yup, flat.”
>”Spoked Wheel runs ‘er store just about a couple wings in town down apple avenue.”
>She points down a road running perpendicular to the one you came off.
“Alright, thanks.”
>”Anytime! Thanks fer comin!”
>She calls after you.
>You walk back to your car, and unlock it.
>Then you open the trunk and retrieve a tire iron.
>You begin loosening the lug nuts on your front right tire.
>Unlocking all the bolts, you hear hoof beats, and look around.
>The orange store owner comes to your car and stops.
>”That’s a strange looking carriage, sir.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
>You check if the bolts are all unlocked.
>”Let me help, sir!”
>She gets underneath the car with her back almost to the ground.
>She then tries to raise her back up and lift your car.
>Try she might, the 1.2-ton car won’t budge.
>”*HUFF* just a little *GRR*.”
>She grunts and heavily breaths.
“You’ll throw out your back.”
>”Nonsense sir! *HUFF* Ah’ll be fiIEEN!”
>You think the car is lifting somewhat.
>Off the shocks anyway.
>She pushes hard then falls to her belly and breaths heavily.
>You walk to the trunk and get the jack, and jack handle.

>>25632930

>You come back to the orange shop owner still pushing against your car.
>Letting her continue, without a word you get to work.
>You just slide the jack under the car and align it with the frame.
>Then put the jack handle in, and using the tire iron you turn the handle.
>The shop owners face lights up as the car lifts with her effort.
>She soon realizes that it is in fact you raising it and her she looks saddened.
>You continue raising the car, chips of rust fall off the badly rusted underside.
>You raise the car until the tire is just above the ground and rotates freely.
>Getting up, you use the wrench to remove the nuts and remove the tire.
>The shop owner solemnly watches you work.
>You install the spare tire, and thread on the nuts.
>Then you lower the car, and use the wrench to lock the nuts.
>Finally, you carry your damaged tire to the trunk.
>The shop owner stayed in one place the whole time, and just watched you work.
>You look at her.
>She looks sad, as if her entire life just came tumbling down.
“Thanks for the help.”
>You say to her to try make her feel better.
>She gets up and slowly walks away with her head hung low.
>”Yer, welcome.”
>Well.
>There was nothing that you could do, so you pointed your car down Apple Avenue.

>>25632935

>You have no idea how much a ‘wing’ is.
>So instead, you opt to keep your eyes as open and manually find that store.
>You watch tons of weird buildings float by.
>Including a building seemingly made of gingerbread and candy.
>There was a pink horse thing in the window of that building that stared at you as you drove by.
>You think you see her in your rear view mirror every now and again.
>Just, staring.
>Eventually after who knows how long of driving, you see a store to your left with a big wheel hanging above and a decked out carriage next to the entrance.
>You look into your left mirror, rear view mirror, give your turn signal and check your blind spot before moving close to the left of the road and stopping.
>Traffic blocks you from turning, so you have to wait for a while.
>After a few minutes, you see a gap in traffic; check your blind spot and turn.
>You enter the store –what you assume is- parking lot.
>Carriages are parked side by side, with no real parking lines.
>You put your car between a carriage and a pile of wheels and tires.
>You walk to the storefront, and enter.
>”Hey, what up?”
“Hey, I got a flat tire can-.”
>”Ooh, don’t see many colts through here.”
“Are you Spoked Wheel?”
>”That’s the name on the sign, baby. Spoked Wheel, expert of all things round and fast, at your service.”
>You look at the sign, and sure enough, it says ‘Spoked Wheel’s, carriage shop.’
“Well, can you fix my tire?”
>”Woah baby, straight to the point. I like that, we could get along really well ya-know.”
>The shopkeeper gives you a strange grin, you respond with a blank stare.
>”Don’t take offence darling. Let’s see your hunk of junk. The other one I mean.”
>The shopkeeper giggles at her own joke.
>You walk out the door, and hold the door open for her.
>She almost stops for a second at the door and looks at you; her seemingly confident act falters for a second.
>Eventually, she walks through and you lead her on.

>>25632939

>You walk around the parking lot towards where you parked your car.
>”S-so where ya from baby? Don’t seem from around this dump.”
“Toronto.”
>”Toronto? Never heard of it, Gotta nice ring to it, could just shorten it to ‘Ronto.”
>Well, she’s not wrong. She’s just an asshole.
“Sure, why not.”
>”They all good looking down in Ronto, or just you?”
>You’re not sure if you want to be flattered, or worried.
“If you ignored the south Asians.”
>You get to your car, and motion to it.
>”Da-a-am, baby. Funky rig. Doesn’t look like a colt float, either. This things, damn.”
>She’s instantly fascinated by your car, she looks all around it.
>”Where’s the conduit?”
“The what?”
>”He, ha ha. Sorry sweetheart. Forgot you don’t know the first thing about carriages. Where do you power this thing?”
“The engine? It’s under the hood.”
>”Engine? What?”
“You press the unlock button and the pony recoils at the car lights flashing.
>You pop the hood, and open it up.
>”What the hay is this? Where’s the conduit? Where’s the commuter? Where’s the magic go?”
>Magic?
“Magic?”
>The owner looks at you with intense confusion.
>”You mean to tell me, this thing doesn’t use magic?”
“No, what?”
>”Does it have a condenser then?”
“Yea, by the battery.”
>Wheel signs in relief.
>”Alright, alright good. So it’s powered by surrounding magic, baby.”
“What? No, the condenser just stores and grounds unused power from the coil pack.”
>”Coil pack? What? You know what, just show me the wheel.”
>You open your trunk and lift out the wheel.

>>25632946

>”Those massive wheels. This thing is slow as a sloth, right?”
>She can’t talk shit about your ride.
“Hey, I just escaped a cop car, and 2 flying fuckers. It may have a dinky engine, but it’s aerodynamic.”
>”You escaped a cop carriage? Sure they didn’t just let you go?”
“Just fix my tire.”
>”Sweetheart, I’ve hardly seen a tire thicker than a hoof. This ain’t gonna be cheap.”
“How much?”
>”You’re looking at 500, 700 bits, darling.”
“Bits? Dollars?”
>”Damn, babe. You living under a rock or something? Sweetheart, there ain’t no such thing as dollars.”
>This day just gets weirder and weirder. You should have stayed in Ronto.
>TOronto.
>Wheel looks away from you and thinks.
>”Damn, I’m a sucker for a cute face. Alright, look, I’ll fix your carriage, but you gotta do something for me.”
>You’re surprised and look to the horse.
“Go on.”
>”Don’t worry darling, nothing dirty. Spoked Wheel is a mare of standards. Come inside, we’ll talk. Let me get that wheel.”
>The ‘mare’ tries to lift the wheel on her back using her wings.
>”DAMN! GRRR. What is this thing made of!?”
“Steel and rubber.”
>You walk over and lift the wheel with one arm.
>Wheel gives you that look she gave you at the door.
>You walk back to the door she trails behind.
>You open the door, just like before.
>”Put the wheel on that bench. Come to my desk.”
>Doing as you’re told, you sit down on a chair slightly too small for you.

>>25632950

>”Alright look. Now, you can walk out, but for Celestia’s sake don’t tell anypony.”
>The pony’s previous nonchalant attitude changes to worry.
“Go on.”
>”There’s these... folk. Big folk, important folk. They run a sweet racket, racing carriages. Nothing illegal, but folk don’t like it, cos ponies get hurt.”
>You nod.
>”I-I got into some trouble with them; I lost a lot of money. So I had to cut corners. My best driver is in the hospital right now, and my best carriage in pieces. I need somepony to fill in.”
“What’s the track like?”
>”You really are straight to the point. It’s just this long, wide road 20 wings long, straight, no turns.”
“Alright. I’ll do it. When?”
>”No, I understand, it was a long –wait what?”
“When?”
>”Tomorrow, at 4. I’ll have your carriage ready by 12.”
“Alright then.”
>”Where are you staying?”
“Probably in my car.”
>She groans thinks then sighs.
>”Come on.”
>Then leads you behind the counter, to some stairs.
“Look, I appreciate this, but you really-“
>”Just take it darling. I don’t wanna argue.”
>She sounds tired.
>You shut up and walk to where the storeowner is taking you.
>A room that’s in better condition than your room, but not by much.”
>”I-I know it’s a mess, but.. a- i-a-“
>She stammers for a minute, and blushes.
“Don’t worry about it. Thanks, Spoked.”
>She looks away blushing.
>”I- I should get to fixing that wheel. Umm, bathroom is that door.”
>You watch her leave, as she bumps around the place and giggles slightly.
>You head to the bathroom, take a leak and wash your hands.
>Then you instantly flop into bed.
>You’re probably going to get mugged or raped soon, so you want to get the maximum amount of sleep.
>You dream, a house In the Spanish style. There's a room in back, with a view of the sea

>>25632955

>Some point at night.
>You feel some movement.
>Still mostly asleep, you can hear some voices.
>”Sorry darling, the floor is cold.”
>You feel some familiar fur or something rub your arm.
>”Sorry about that.”
>You grab hold, and pull the fur to your chest, to keep you warm.
>”H-hey!”
“*MUMBLE* No, sergeant teddy *GRUMBLE*, communists *GRUMBLE* at the gate”
>”D-darling, damn. He’s gonna be pissed in the morning.”
>You slip into sleep again.
>And so you drift back, to your Florida room.

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>>25632469
Then what's the RGRE version of her?

>>25632959

>We open your eyes to piercing sunlight through the window.
>You turn your face to cover your eyes from the sun.
>Feeling a warm ball of fur in your arms.
>Looking down, you see the grey mound of fur. A head buried into your chest.
>You think about the events of the previous day.
>Getting lost on the highway, running from some cops, a flat tire and this store.
>You also remember your end of the deal.
>Seeing, as you seem to feel fine. You should probably hold up your end of the deal.
>Trying to move makes the creature stuffed into your chest stir.
>She looks adorable, like a dog but holding on like a baby.
>”*MUMBLE* 5 more, *MUMBLE*”
>Your only choice is to lay still, and let her go into deep sleep again.
>After a few minutes, you try to move again.
>”Huh? *MUMBLE*”
>She rubs her face into your chest, before stopping and sniffing.
>”Woah. DAMN!”
>She looks up, into your eyes. Looking worried, and slightly scared.
>She jumps away.
>”Look, darling! This isn’t what it looks like! We didn’t do anything, last night!”
>She starts rambling on defending herself from accusations you aren’t making.
“Hey! Hey! Calm down.”
>She does.
“How much time do we have?”
>”A-about 3 hours. It’s an hour ride.”
“Alright then, I’ll go get ready.”
>You head towards the bathroom.
“Thanks for the bed.”
>She stares at you dumb founded, as you walk to the bathroom.

>>25632965

>Your morning routine is eventless, and you finish quickly.
>Coming out to find the horse not in the room, you head downstairs.
>The mare is getting things, a big tool box is on her back, and she’s towing your wheel on a wagon.
“So, is it fixed?”
>”Yea, I filled the hole. But damn, what kind of pressure do these things take?”
“32 psi, 2. Something atmospheres.”
>”Babe you’re speaking gibberish. I filled it with the same as your others. My back is still sore from how many pumps it took.”
“Alright, so what now?”
>”Now, I -and I hate to say it- need your help. I can’t for the life of me figure out what size wrench I need. Everything I have is either too small or too big.”
“Alright, lets go.”
>The two of you walk to your car.
>There is a puddle of tools around your spare wheel.
>You unlock the trunk and get your tire iron, and jack.
>Then get to work unlocking the lug nuts.
>Jacking up the car, and taking the nuts off, then the spare.
>You put the real wheel on, and do the removal process in reverse.
>”Looks good as new, huh?”
“Yea, thanks.”
>Wheel smiles for a second, then looks away.
>”Well. We should get some breakfast. There’s a place not far from here, ‘sugar cube corner’.”
“Alright. Anything we need to do here?”
>”I’ll close shop. I’ll put some tools in your carriage if you don’t mind. Anything you need?”
>You think for a minute.
“A rag and stick.”
>The horse look at you in a weird way, but complies and hands you a stick and rag from her toolbox.
>You tie the rag to the rod, and shove it down your fuel port.
>Hit bottom, then pull up. The rag comes out soaked in gas.
>”Ahk! What is that?”
“Gasoline, and somehow lots of it.”
>”Is that a bad thing?”
“Not at all. Let’s get breakfast then.”
>”Alright.”

>>25632969

>She walks around to the other side, and opens the door.
>Thankfully the doors work the same way.
>You turn your key, the starter motor turns a few times, before the engine starts with a loud rev.
>The pony yelps at the engine.
>You ignore her, and put the car into drive, then leave the lot.
>On the way to sugar cube corner, you make small talk with your unofficial friend.
>She seems comfortable enough in your car.
>”It’s too bad these damn seats are too short.”
“There’s a crank to raise it.”
>”Whatever, there’s the place.”
>The pony points towards that weird gingerbread building you saw yesterday.
>You drive into and enter the building.
>”Take a seat sweetheart, let a mare treat ya.”
“Seeing as I don’t have any ‘bits’, alright.”
>Taking a seat by a window, you lean in your chair and think about whom to ask on how to get back home.
>>”HELLO!”
>You awake to an assault by some extremely excited pink horse.
“Hey.”
>You remember her from the day before. The one you thought you kept seeing.
>>”My name is Pinkie Pie! I don’t know your name! So you must be new in town! I like to greet all the new ponies in town, but you’re not a pony, but that’s ok I like to greet non ponies too! Especially if their nice, there was this one griffon who wasn’t very nice...”
>The pony just rambles on and on, you try your best to tune it out.
>”Pinkie! Get our food, and leave the poor colt alone.”
>Spoked takes a seat in front of you and the Pink horse bounces to the kitchen.
>”Don’t mind her, she loves making ponies smile. Sometimes a little too much. I ordered you a sponge cake and some coffee, hope that’s fine,..”
>The pony looks about awkwardly.
“That sounds good. Thanks again.”
>”Oh stop thanking me. I should be thanking you for what you’re gonna do for me.”
>She looks away, guiltily.
>>”CAKE FOR THE MARE AND HER COLT FRIEND.”
>”Pinkie!”
>Wheel blushes and yells at the other.

>>25632976

>”Sorry about that. H-here. Enjoy.”
“Thanks.”
>You start eating with a fork, the cake is pretty good.
>”Say, I never got your name.”
“Anon Y Mous. Call me Anon.”
>You put your hand out, and the pony takes it.
>”Well you know my name. How did you end up in ponyville anyway?”
“I was driving to Kingston. I think I took a wrong turn or exit, and ended up here.”
>The two of you eat for a while, before she responds.
>”Kingston? Never heard of it.”
“Really? I mean it’s not well known like Toronto, but it’s still known.”
>”I haven’t heard of either. I know a pony who could get you directions.”
>You take a few more bites, finishing the cake on the plate.
“That’d be nice. What time is it?”
>”Ahh, 1, 38! We’re late!”
“Thought you said the race is at 4.”
>The pony quickly scrambles out of the bench seat. You follow.
>”The race does, but we gotta be there earlier. PINKIE!”
>The pink horse appears seemingly out of nowhere.
>>”PRESENT!”
>”Pinkie! Could you pack ou-.”
>>”DONE!”
>The pink horse holds up a white box, with a little ribbon.
>You look to your table, and sure enough, all the food that was uneaten is gone.
>”Thanks Pinkie. Come on!”
“Is that normal?!”
>”YES!”
>You jog to your car, behind the panicky horse.
>She tries opening the door, but it’s locked.
>”Open you damn thing!”
>You press the unlock button on the remote, and the door opens.
>Getting in, the pony is panicking and standing on the seat.
>”What are you waiting for?! Lets ride! Take trans Pegasus highway.”
>You start your car, and drive off.
> Steamin' up That Trans-Pegasus highway

>>25632969
>Anon has neverending gasoline
>This can only end one way
>INVASION FROM THE U.S.A.
>>25632910
>>your speedometer shows 100 again and you weave in and out of carriages.
Fucking hooligan shouldn't be on the goddamn road!
>>25632984
MORE, DAMNIT!

>>25633004
>MORE DAMMIT
Now is not the time for racing, that comes later.

>>25632984
This is some top quality green, equal.

>>25632889
> Cadence makes a bet with anon that if she wins she gets the "ride"
> Anon smashes her and takes Shining with him

>>25633121
Just as planned.

>>25632984
Noice long read

>>25630279
Well, where's the sauce.

>>25630327
>Anon becomes a semi-mystical being like Santa Claus

>Day XXXmas in Equestria
>You are Anon
>Today is decemberwarming eve so you're out and about in the nicer parts of town
>Each year the ponies leave out offerings to you in exchange for dickings
>Since the richer ponies can afford better offerings you tend to visit them more than the poorer ones who don't give such good stuff.
>You still swing by to the poorer ponies if they're on the way to where you're going, but you plan your trips based on who gives the best stuff
>After the first year you picked up these helpers who pull your cart of goodies around.
>Some ponies leave treats for them on the ground out the front of their houses, hoping they will veer over to collect them and thus bring the dickings closer to them
>Now some might wonder how one man can fuck all the ponies in one night
>"There's just not enough time in one day to fuck that many things." They might claim.
>And they'd be wrong.
>Ponies don't have good sexual endurance.
>So you end up sticking your dick in one pony and having to carry them towards the next house so that your dick doesn't get cold
>You usually don't have time to reach the next pony before the one you're fucking collapses from being fucked too much
>TFW the ponies had to make a national holiday to overcome their sexual shortcomings

>>25634194
I lold. Good job, drunky

>>25632984
Good thing the driver isn't american, or that 100 would be absurdly fast.

>>25634795
Pretty sure 100km an hour is the same if your american or not

>>25635367
but a hundred is a hundred isn't a hundred

>>25635367
Nah, 100kmh is only 60mph.
That shit is a fair bit slower than most highways.

>>25630608
Celestia has to try really hard not to notice Anon so her marechismo remains intact.

>>25632984
Will bump till true equality

http://sys.4chan.org/derefer?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DyzIxLwVwtiQ

JACK IS BACK

JACK IN RGRE WHEN?!

>>25635761
>>25635540
but it didnt just say 100. It said 100km.

>>25636154
>JACK IS BACK
Holy shit how did I just hear this.
It might finally fucking have a proper ending. This is great.

>>25630787
>>25631043
>>25631053
Can we have more of this man ?
Because this >>25632170 was shit.

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>>25636154
>JACK IS BACK

Idea
> Twilight and friends all play the ever so popular mmo world of snug, a fantasy game set up to let you beat the bass guys typical nerd stuff
> anon wonders what the heck twilight is going aft the odds hours of the morning.
> peaks inside to see twilight in full nerd mode
> Twilight panic and accidentally hit herself on the head passing OUT
> ponies on line ate asking if she ok
> Anon sets twilight on her bed and takes over typing out that it was a spider
> proceeds to play a bit while twilight recovers
> then one of the ponies ask why twilight is not using her Mic
> anon Gibbs it and then suddenly it goes dead silent
> hay start to fill the digital world as the ponies are not used to having a male in their game world
> some start acting like parasol tippers while others start adding for dick picks

>>25636159
Well good! otherwise it would have been 100 mph and quite a lot, eh?

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>>25636305
>Because this >>25632170 (You) was shit.
Oh fuck you too anon

>>25636419
It wasn't horrible. You just need practice.

>>25636247
You "just" heard about this because that promo was just published today.
Get. Fucking. HYPED.

>>25632984
This thing is a good thing, and there should be more things in it, after it, and around it.

But that's just an opinion.

>>25636392
>the game is actually a cheaply made Coweran MMO full of fanservice and husbandos which the Mane6 tries to hide from Anon out of embarrassment
>they fail

>>25632984
I gotta agree with everyone else, this was quite enjoyable so far. Please sir may we have some more?

>>25636419
I really liked the original concept. But, then you took it to "They can't see him" not "He's a goddamn unicorn."

Unexpected, yanno?

Not shit writin, just . . . not great writin.

>>25636940
"So Twilight, what's the deal with your garrison?"
>"Holy Hay! Anon stop looking!"
"No wait, this looks interesting, so the barracks has lots of guard ponies, that's neat."
>Twilight keeps tugging on your collar trying to get you away.
"Huh why are they dressed so skimply, and wow do kids play this game? I mean that is such a huge d-"
>Plip.
"Hey I was looking at that!"
>"I know now stop it and get out of my seat!"
>Plip.
"Hey what's that?"
>Grabbing the mouse you go to click on a trio of guard ponies.
>"Wait Anon, No! Not them!"
>"Oh Princess Twilight your harem awaits for your orders!~"
>"My abs glisten with excitement for our adventueres~!"
>"I can barely contain myself for what you will Princess~!"
>Looking over to Twilight you can see she is staring at nothing, her soul broken and crushed inside.
"Twilight?"
>"There is no Princess, only shame."
>It was a be on the other side of the power revealing spectrum kind of day.

>>25637047
Please note that AnalPlug Anon and me are two different people, and I just tacked onto his stuff because I'm a faggot, alright?

So, could you restate again who did what wrong? Because I don't quite understand this:
>I really liked the original concept. But, then you took it to "They can't see him" not "He's a goddamn unicorn."

>>25637153
Are there any - human - semi-popular games where these kinds of slutty units exist?

>>25637163
The idea was that humans are hyper-mythical. The invisibility kind of just detracts from your options in writing

>>25637351
Do you mean the invisibility that is attributed to humans in myth, or actual real invisibility of the human under some circumstances?

>>25637386
In this case, him being invisible, for whatever reason, limits what you can do with it. The why isn't really relevant, but you're doing yourself a disservice

I miss all the moondancer stuff.

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>>25637433
That was our girl Pluggy's idea.

Coincidentally, I'm the dyke from last thread that proposed human being a unicorn in myth, but actually completely normal and disappointing (compared to the legendary hype)

So I kinda wanted to butt in on Pluggy's ground and try and steer or humancorns in the other direction, but look how that went down.

Not only I failed, now Plug will kill me because I intruded on her territory. Unless I can convince her to horsemarry me
Welp.

>>25637517
Nobody bats a thousand. It's not exactly a bad idea, and there's the potential for 40, maybe even 50 keks. It just takes a very careful hand, and not failing

>>25637517
Pfft like getting horse married will save you, that only works like three forths of the time and even then its a slow death.

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>>25637517
Reminder that this entire general is a package deal for some poor colt.

>>25637564
I'm still not convinced you are talking to me. Did I go insane?
>It's not exactly a bad idea, and there's the potential for 40, maybe even 50 keks.

Where the virgin mares see a human, know the legends and freak out, while the worldly ones see him too, know the legends and decide to play along for keks?

>>25637765
There are too much of us here.
dafuq is this, Discord's mommies?

>>25637814
That's one way to do it. And yes, I'm talking to you, you gigantic faggot

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>>25637814
>He doesn't know about chimeras.
But...but Anon, they're prime waifu material.

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>>25637841
>mfw that was exactly what i was going for
goodbye.

>>25637517
It was a beautiful dream, Anon, and you dreamed it well. Some things just aren't meant to be.

Have you considered horsefriendswithbenefits?

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>tfw Bulk Biceps was raped by mares and started working out to protect himself

>>25631053
>>25636305

>You are Anon, and you are a goddamn magical legend, is what you are.
>Ever since you woke up to the purple horse sucking on your dick, things have gotten strange for you.
>Turns out humans are kind of like what unicorns are to humans.
>And apparently you have healing magic, or purifying magic, or something like that.
>Didn't have that back home; got that shit in spades here in Equestria.
>Thing is, though, a lot of these ponies pretend they can't see you.
>They can sure as hell hear you, though.
>That really ruins invisibility for you. Whenever you rump-slap one of these human-blind ponies, all they have to do is follow your childish giggling to find where you're hiding.
>Even worse, still, is that most of the ponies that CAN see you pretend that they actually can't.
>But you can sympathise. Who wants to be ousted as a virgin by a Humacorn?
>You've taken advantage of ponies and their selective blindness and have run away.
>When the mares aren't acting like they can't see you, they're giving you bedroom eyes and suggest to you that you fix that for them.
>The best part of your plan is that even IF a virgin-pony sees you, they would be admitting to being a virgin if they reported you leaving the village.
>Man, these ponies are WEIRD.
>Anyway, the griffons are WAY more chill than the ponies.
>They still have the weird 6-1 gender ratio thing going on, but at least they can all can see you.
>You found employment at a small diner, so life is pretty good.
>Swear to fuckin' God, though, if you have to hear another one of those "how do you like your eggs; fertilized" joke from these goddamn catbirds, you are going to have them spayed.
>And that's the story of how Celestia punished all the citizens of Ponyville for letting a priceless mythological creature strut out of town with his dick hanging out.

>>25637765
>>25637861
I need more Trifu in my life, why did the strange waifu threads have to turn into "half pony general" rather than focusing on the other races or unloved semen demons.

>>25638144
Dicked by and Angel

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>>25638579
Are they still doing that "Moth pony, tree pony, kettle pony, cloud pony" shit?

Chimera daughteru got some familiar love yesterday, if it's any consolation.
>>25627822

>>25638656
thanks man, that makes me happy. and Yes they just take a pony and slap it on another thing. I was fine with the undead pones but now its all there is. I miss the chubby diamond dog bitches, horny fruit bats, and sweet innocent cow waifus.

>>25638704
Speaking of the other races, have any stories touched on how the RGRE in races other than pony, minotaures, and griffons?

I hope Frosty is continuing with that pinkie story

>>25638742
Same. That story has me more hyped than anything I've read in a while.

>>25638736
RGRE?

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>>25638774
>RGRE?

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>>25638643

>>25638795
FUCK! just pieced it together in my brain, sorry for my autism

>>25638736
The bats were still basically "animals" Cows were subservient and I think most of the female Diamond dogs were fairly dominant over the males, including humans.

>>25638736
That would actually be really interesting. Personally, I think the other races either have similar gender roles, or are rarely in contact. Imagine a strongly matriarchal Pony society, who downplay the strengths of males and protect&care them for their mating value, encountering encountering a patriarchal society. They'd see male labourers as cruelty, or possibly slavery.

>>25638844
>Cows were subservient
The one on screen appearance of a cow I can think of demonstrated that Equestrian cows, or at least some cows in Equestria, are sapient.

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429 KB, 1266x720

>>25638048
>Lift, hold, release.
>>What a horrible night.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>You'd never felt so scared before in your life.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>You'd trusted her, and you were rewarded with drugs in your drink and strange mares in bed with you.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>Wasn't even YOUR bed.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>You didn't say a word. You just got up and walked back home.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>Needless to say, you never spoke to that friend of yours again.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>Soon, you stopped feeling scared.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>And you started feeling angry.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>No more.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>You will never, ever let this happen ever again.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>Are you strong? Yeah.
>Lift, hold, release.
>>Will you fight back? Yeah!
>Lift, hold, release.
>>Are you kick the flank of the next cunt who tries something like that again?
"YEAH!"

>>25638994
I like this idea. Feels go out to Biceps.

>>25638994
>"Oh hey there, swolpone. How are you?"
>Ponyville's new creature kneels down, reaching out to pet you
>You shy away slightly
>Nopony touches you without your permission anymore
>Nopony
>"Oh, hey, it's ok I just wanted to say hi-"
"THAT'S MY COINPURSE."
>It reels back, looking around
>Is it confused or - no. No, that's the face of lust!
>"Uh... n-no, I thought - Twilight said headpats were the best way to make new fr-"
>You turn around and assume the position
>THE position
"I DON'T KNOW YOU-"
>"Wait wh-HHNGRH"
>You kick the shit out of this rapist-monster
>NEVER AGAIN

>>25639105
And so ends Anon's brief adventures in magical horseland.

>>25639105
And that day every mare in Equestria cringed as Anon's nuts where irreversibly shattered. From that day forward all colt fights were no longer considered hot by the mental image of a nutsack being crushed underneath a hoof into a bloody smashed grape like state permanently etched into everyone brains.

Ya ruined it for everyone. Good job Bulk.

>>25632984
moar

>>25638144
>>Swear to fuckin' God, though, if you have to hear another one of those "how do you like your eggs; fertilized" joke from these goddamn catbirds, you are going to have them spayed.
lel

>>25639172
This was the beginning of the end for stallion-only sporting events. Physical events were deemed too violent and dangerous for stallions to participate in, further encouraging the idea that colts were weak and incapable of doing what mares could do.

Bulk Biceps personally set stallion's rights movement back over 150 years.

>>25639427
God damn it, Bulk, you had ONE JOB

>>25639692
And that job was to not get raped. Good going, asshole.

>>25639706
Seriously. He's like 400 lbs, a bodybuilder, and strong as a horse. No pun intended. The dosage they had to have given him must be enormous.

>>25639771
He was raped BEFORE he got swole, friend. But he still fucked up by demolishing Anon's nuts.

>>25639837
Oh. I missed that part. I will now commit honorable sudoku. Farewell

>>25638144
I take it back, I wish there wasn't more because then it stay a silly little story with characters we like instead of anon which the worst OC I ever read about.

>>25639874
Say hello to Anon's nuts for me while you're there

Frosty? BNW? I'd really love it if you continued your stories. I miss Minotits…

Please?

>>25640079
You might be on the wrong uhh site family.

>>25640079
>rgre thread
>not wanting to read abotu anon

>>25638742
I've been at this story for like three days because work has been keking me hard and I just feel like it's not quite right. I'm going to post what I've got and if you guys think it's worth continuing then I'll finish it up, otherwise I'm gonna move on to the Caramel thing I've been wanting to do for a few days now.

>Ugh...
>"-so that's when I whipped it out-"
>Oh!
>"-It's really hard to do without a whisk, but can you believe that she didn't have a single thing aside from a few forks and spoons?!"
>Ugh...
>"Psh, mares. What would they ever do without us? Right Anon?"
"Ug- oh what? Yeah, right."
>The guys all nod in agreement with you before Time Turner continues, "So it took some doing, but we had some great ice cream sundaes all things considered."
>Just guys talking about guy stuff...
>And you're a guy, so you're here.
>Drinking tea instead of beer.
>Out of a saucer instead of a mug.
>It's not the worst thing ever, but you just wish they would talk about more exciting stuff.
>It's all just clothing, food, and gossip.
>On the bright side, you've got some pretty dope recipes.
>You know that this like "girl talk" here, it's funny to think that when you were a younger lad you often fantasized about what girls did in their little private get togethers.
>"OH did you hear? Carrot's foals have started walking on their own!"
>And now you know...
>Some of the guys squee while you swirl the tea around in your saucer, faster and faster while trying to keep it from spilling over the edge.
>Faster.
>Faster!
>FAST-
"Yaah!"
>The guys pause and look over at you. "Anon? Are you okay?"
>You hiss while licking the space between your fingers where the tea seeped through.
"Yeah, just uh-"
>Eyes.
>There are eyes in those bushes.
>Like six pairs, all of them watching you.
>Only reason you looked over there is because your saucer rolled in that direction when you dropped it.
>All of them except the icy blue ones glance away, looking somewhat nervousl-

>>25640558
Oops, forgot to make that teacup and saucer above. My bad.

“-Uh! S-spilled my tea, that's all!"
>The guys stop in the middle of their turn to follow your eyesight and face back to you.
>"Oh no! Do you need an ice pack or something Anon?"
"No, I think I'll be fine..."
>The other five pairs of eyes turn back to join the icy blue ones that never broke away.
>You suddenly feel very self conscious about continuing to lick the sensitive skin between your fingers.
>"-ou listening? Anon?"
"Huh? I was jus-"
>"What are you staring at over-"
>Oh no.
>Time Turner gasps, "You there! All six of you, come out of those bushes!"
>The magenta pair widens and you hear Rainbow's voice hiss, "They caught us! Bail!"
>"No! W-we didn't do anything wrong... just let me handle this" Twilight voice responds, which matches the slightly fearful look in the purple eyes.
>Four ponies slowly emerge from the bush, Time Turner crosses his forelegs and verbally harrumphs, "I said all of you, creepers."
>Twilight glances around for a moment before looking back into the bush, "Come on Fluttershy, I told you we haven't done any- Pinkie, you too? Did you get caught or something?"
>"U-uh, yes! My tail got caught in a tree branch" Pinkie responds, the ice blue eyes darting side to side as she speaks.
>"But, you're in a bu-"
>Twilight is cut off mid sentence, "Ugh! You mares! Us stallions can't have any space to ourselves can we?!" Time Turner huffs, quickly putting an end to what was likely to be shenanigans before they got started.
>"Your space?! In case you haven't noticed, this is a public park colt" Rainbow responds.
>Time Turner scrunches his muzzle as he stomps closer to the group, and Rainbow responds in kind.
>Twilight quickly steps in between the two of them, spreading her wings to block their sight of each other, "W-wait! Hold on everypony, there's no need to start shouting, I was just conducting important research, and the girls were helping me."

>>25640590
>Oh silly magic science princess you- wait, the guys are all collectively giving Twilight a "yeah right” face.
>Why would- oh! She and the others were probably just peeping on the "girls", you quickly match your boys’ expressions.
>Twilight shrinks a little under the unified look.
>"H-honest! It's my duty as the Princess of Friendship to ensure that Anonymous is integrating well, I've got his permission and everything isn't that right Anon?"
>She is.
>You're still working on getting "caught up" to life in Equestria and Twilight has been a tremendous help.
>That said, you are BORED...
"I-I have no idea what you're talking about!" you respond as fearfully as possible.
>You'll make it up to her later, maybe use the pasta recipe you picked up a little bit ago.
>Twilight recoils, the other girls all begin backing away with their tails tucked, "Told you we shoulda bailed" Rainbow whispers loudly.
>"Ah ha! Shame on you! Trying to pressure poor Anon into justifying you and your herd's sick kinks!”
>Damn Double T, just taking your word for it eh?
>"Twilight?! Ha! No way would she lead any herd of ours right Pinkie?" Rainbow butts in.
>You follow the voice to see her nudging a snickering Pinkie with a wing, Pinkie stiffens up like a board suddenly and begins laughing hysterically, "You are SO right Rainbow... T-t-total bet- I MEAN alphas we are r-right..?"
>Rainbow quirks an eyebrow at her friend, “Chill sis, they're looking at us funny, what is WITH you all of a sudd-"
>The cyan pegasus is cut short by a croissant smacking her in the face.
>She looks completely shell shocked, just standing there with a wide eyed look.
>You follow all the eyes back to see Caramel standing up at the table with a hoof extended.
>A silence fills the air, you can tell that something is about to pop off.
>With a giddiness you haven't felt since you were a child, you stand there drinking it all in.

>>25640629
>Twilight glances between the two heated groups and begins speaking with extreme caution "Girls... let's not-"
>"Ain't nopony gonna diss my friend like that, I don’t care who ya are!" Applejack's voice comes from the other side of the bush.
>With a *whack* you watch a cooler arc over the bush and pop open above you all.
>The food begins falling out almost in slow motion.
>Someone yells "food fight” and thus all the requirements are met for a regulation food fight.
"-IIIGHT!"
>Oh, that was you yelling? If Twilight weren’t running for cover and you hadn’t sold her out for some cheap thrills she might’ve been proud that you internalized a piece of Equestrian law.
>As it is though you'll feel proud of yourself as you dive onto a table, grasping opposite ends firmly and rolling away from the place the cooler is going to land.
>The guys catch on quick, taking cover behind the table.
>"YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!"
>You and the others wince as you hear Bulk's cry of agony, well most of the guys caught on quick.
>"Is it bad?" Caramel asks, shivering.
>Time chances a peek and quickly dips down, clapping a hoof to his mouth as his face turns a light green, “He’ll need a… deep soak” the brown stallion responds somberly.
>"Why in Tartarus did you have to go and throw that Caramel?!" Thunder lane hisses.
>"I-I don't know! I just... I didn't think they were going to do anything back.”
"Dude, why would you ever think they wouldn't do anything?"
>Oh shit, right, “girls”.
>You grab up a handful of jam and heft it over the table.
>”Gonna hafta do better’n that boys!” Applejack shouts.
>”We should just withdraw. Bulk is already out, and I just got my hooves done at the spa” Caramel whimpers.
>The boys all nod with Mac throwing in an extra “Eeyup” for good measure.
“What?! No way! We started this, so we have to see it through to the end!”

>>25640659
>”WE didn’t start anything, if anything Caramel should go since he did it!” Time responds, as Caramel claps his hooves together and makes a begging motion to you all.
“That’s bullshit T-squared and you know it. We’re all bros here right?” you look around to the uncertain faces beside you, “right?!”
>They all nod reluctantly and turn to face Caramel as he gives a tearful smile back.
“Would Rosa- uh, M-Moss Parks have just given up?”
>The guys slowly nod.
>Oh thank god you winged that one right.
>”And what of uh… S-Samuel B. Antoinette? Would he have taken the easy way out?!”
>”NO!” Time Turner responds proudly.
>Either Twilight bugged you about this shit before or you’re getting really lucky, you’ll take it either way.
“You’re DAMN right no! Now let’s go show these fillies how us big boys play!”
>And so continues your quest to entertain yourself in a world without internet.

>The battle is… admittedly small scale but- Oh shit! AJ just got the dandylionest tea dumped on her, that’s an automatic out done by Thunderlane.
“Yeah boy!”
>Thunderlane whoops before cutting it short to avoid return fire.
>It wasn’t a clean fight, for everyone of theirs you lost one of yours.
>And you started out with an early loss from Bulk too, so that kept them constantly ahead by one, until you guys just tied it up three to three.
>You quickly catch the grape bolos with a punch bowl that spilled at the start of this fight.
“Gonna have to do better than that! You know what I’m talking about don’t you AJ?” you shout.
>You chuckle to yourself as you hear Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy try to calm her down and remind her that she is out by regulation standards.
>”NOOO! You bitches!”
>You glance over your shoulder and see Caramel dragging Thunderlane back behind cover.
>Oh shit!
>Carefully darting from cover to cover, you start closing on Caramel.
>”I’ll get you for this you peeping tammies!”
“Caramel NO!”

>>25640688
>He takes a can of whipped cream in his mouth and hops over the toppled table.
>You see the girls lock sights on him, “Fire away girls!”
>Doughnuts and sandwiches are flying in his direction.
>You quicken your pace hoping you can reach him in time.
>With a dive, you manage to halt his assault early, and pull him to the side.
>You both roll on the ground, and he begins batting at you with his hooves, “Lemme go! Raaaape! Ra-“
“'Mel! It’s me you idiot! We have to get back under cover!”
>”A-Anon?! B-but they… Thunderlane he… They got him with chocolate! FROM PRANCE ANON, PRANCE CHOCOLATES! They're so rich, I don’t know how to get the stains out!”
>You drag him in the direction of the nearest bench.
“I know Caramel, but throwing yourself at their fire isn’t going to give you any cleaning solutions! We have to be smart, we- LOOK OUT!”
>Without even thinking about it, you dive back over Caramel again.
>A weight drops onto your back, accompanied by a loud *SPLAT* noise.
>Caramel’s eyes widen to the size of saucers, “NO!”
“Keep going! Get behind cover!” you bellow, as the warmth begins spreading all over your back.
>You stumble along behind Caramel, avoiding their fire as best you both can.
>He drags you the last bit, sniffling and apologizing for messing everything up.
>I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m- Yeouch!”
>He rubs the tip of his nose where you flicked him, you overheard some pony say it ws the best way to calm a panicked stallion, turns out they were right.
“Caramel, this isn’t over yet. You can’t start acting like it is. Got it?!”
>He wipes his eyes and nose with a napkin that he pulled from behind him somewhere, nodding slowly.
>”But it’s me against three of them, what can I possibly do?”
“You? Nothing. WE have one shot at victory.”
>”W-we? But you’ve been covered at least 40% in food, you’re out.”
>You laugh triumphantly.
“You forget little pony bro, I have no coat like you all do.”

>>25640719
>Caramel looks on as you strip your shirt, bringing your food coverage down to about 20%
>”Anon that’s brilliant!”
>Well it’s was really more like happenstance, but if he’s already thinking it...
“Damn right ‘Mel, You know who be schemin’?”
>Caramel bumps your fist with his hoof, “Bastards be schemin’."
>You love the little girly sayings the guys taught you.
>”So… what do we do?”
“Go b- uh, ring deep Mel, they have us at a huge advantage.” Caramel looks fearful, and you rest a comforting had on his shoulder, “but these babies I swiped from that cooler of theirs is going to come in handy.”
>He looks down to the food in your hands, and gasps, “Don’t you think that’s a little too much? It’s not against the rules to use but…”
“Prance chocolates Caramel. Prance.”
>His brows slowly come closer together, his muzzle curls into a mean scrunch, “Let’s do it!”
>You breathe in slowly, and let the breath out even slower.
“Ready?”
>Caramel nods.
>You peek over the edge of the bench and pick your targets, you bite the ends off and spit them onto the floor.
>Moving quickly, you toss the handfuls over at them.
>A resounding, and fearful, “AVOCADOS!” from Rainbow Dash gives you a sense of satisfaction.
>You and Caramel both count it out mentally.
>Aaaand go time.
*KOOM*
>A green mist covers the area the last three mares were at.
>You and Caramel sprint right into the heart of it.
>You snatch up a baguette that was lying on the ground and Caramel takes one of his own.
>Everything is hazy, you can hear dazed moans but can’t quite place where they’re coming from.
>The mist won’t last for long, you both need to press the advantage.
>You happen upon Fluttershy, laying on the ground, covered in green, her eyes look like they’re miles away.
>”P-papa? Pa- Papa? P-p-p-”
>You were aiming for Rainbow, guess you were a little off.

>>25640740
Baguette right up the taco.

>>25640740
>Your grip tightens on the loaf in your hand and in a quick swing put the poor girl out of her misery.
>Fights, fights never ch-
>”Aah!”
>Caramel!
>You head in the direction of the shout, wafting as much of the delicious smelling mist out of your face as you can.
>Your foot slips out from under you, and you stumble to the floor.
>Looking down at your feet there’s a bunch of pastries strewn all about.
>Another yelp makes you look back up and you can make out three forms out in the mist.
>There’s ‘Mel with the baguette, fuck yeah, he’s batting them away!
>But two on one isn’t fair.
>You see a pair of eclairs near your hands.
>Perfect.
>You whistle to draw attention to yourself.
>The forms all come to a halt.
>Time snatch the V. For victory!
“Suck custard ladies!”
>You deathgrip the ends of your dual wielded eclairs, they engorge with filling at the tip, almost to three times the thickness they were at before.
>The eclairs throb as the pressure builds rapidly, until...
*SPRRT*
>Two strands of off-white cream bullet towards the two mares.
>Rainbow lets out a roar before plummeting to the ground with a muffled thump.
>A deeper moan escapes the other pony followed by a “Not in my mane! Anon! I just had it conditioned!”
>Oh shi-
>You sprint over to the fallen earth pony, stepping over Rainbow as she dizzily mutters something about “finding out if your real stuff tastes as sweet.”
>Caramel is laying on the ground, covered in condiments and cream, breathing heavily as he watches you approach.
“Caramel! Shit bro, I thought you were Pinkie! You had the Baguette!”
>HIs voice is weak, ”Anon...” he sits up and pokes you in the chest, “ First of all, my hips are not THAT wide you hourglass!” he growls
>He lays back down and resumes talking at just above a whisper, ”Second, she... that mare knows her way around a baguette, be careful.”

>>25640558
Friggen awesome, time to get reading.

>>25640759
>You’re aware of her prowess on the field of wasted food, it’s the biggest reason you did this, that and the no internet thing.
>”Anon I’m serious, she’s too much. You have to finish this now, you’re almost invisible here… the haze matches your skin and shorts.”
>And T-Dubs was trying to talk you out of wearing these today, you thank Caramel for the information and rise from your kneeled stance.
>Your hand grips the end of your baguette firmly behind your back as you approach the outline of the mare, glancing around in the haze.
*PAFF*
>Your arms tremble slightly as you bear down, Pinkie reacted almost instantly, blocking your strike with her own loaf.
>She pushes you off and responds with a flurry of swings of her own.
>You move quickly to avoid the first one and watch on from her side as she continues blindly striking at the hazy space you were in.
*PAFF*
>You take another swing, the moment your baguette touches her tail she whips around in the same direction of your swing knocking your loaf further along than you wanted.
>Damn!
>She jabs with her baguette, your waist bends out in a “C" shape just enough to avoid being prodded with the rounded end.
>You’re still learning, but little by little you’re picking up the Space Jam level phys-
>Wait, where’s Pinki-
>In the air!
>You look up just in time to see Pinkie whirling like a pinwheel, coming right down onto you.
>Your other hand joins the one gripping your bread and put all your effort into an upward swing to counter.
*PAFF!*
>The force from the impact causes a ripple to radiate out from the crossed loaves, dispersing the haze completely.
>All the “fallen” ponies are gathered together, a collective gasp escapes the onlookers.
>”Sweet Celestia, so that’s what Twilight’s been livin’ with?!” Applejack muses, by clamping her hooves to her mouth you can assume that she didn’t mean to say that out loud.

>>25640781
>Pinkie is suspended in the air and bearing down on you with leverage that doesn’t make any physical sense.
“I knew it was going to come down to you and me Pinkie, in the end.”
>”Kick his flank Pinkie! Sisters before misters!” Rainbow shouts.
>The fire that shined brightly in her eyes dims suddenly as what seems like fear replaces it.
>Pinkie gasps and in so doing releases her grip on the baguette and drops to the floor with a muffled squeak.
>You catch the bread saber with your foot and toss it up to catch it in your free hand.
>”Aww come on! Don’t just hoof it to him Pinkie!”
>Pinkie looks completely paralyzed before you, not even moving as you bring the two ends closer to her neck.
>Sweat drips down onto the bread, you didn't think she'd wear herself out this much already
>You nudge the bottom of her chin.
“Stand up.”
>She does as you say, her knees quaking and rattling audibly.
>She has to be faking, trying to throw you off.
“I know all about you, Pinkie.”
>She swallows nervously, the bulge in her throat as it slowly lowers just grazes against the tip of the baguettes just apart from her neck.
"The Pink Blurnado, a legend in food fighting history.”
>”What? YOU know about food fighting?” Rainbow asks with more shock than dismissal but some of that is still there too.
"Pinku Waifu, as they call you in the Neighpone circuit.”
>At least that’s what you heard from the stallions who specialize in drawing lesbian porn.
>A cute blush runs through her face, Pinkie’s lips tremble as if they were trying to find a sound to start with, "Y-you just called m-me…” she mutters.
“That’s right, you’re a legend. Undefeated. And I’m not about to just be handed a win like this!”
>You bring your arms up and then strike down on the table Pinkie was leaning back against for support.
>At the opposite end, two pink doughnuts arc over to you.
>Pinkie instinctively snatches them out of the air, donning her edible of preference.

>>25640832
This is some epic shit, my friend.

>>25640832
>Perhaps she's just out of practice, you don't think she was faking earlier, but whatever had her all rattled when the haze cleared, she seems to be getting a second wind.
>You take a defensive stance with your baguettes, Pinkie glances between you and the doughnuts equipped on each hoof.
“If Im going to win, I want to earn it” you growl.
>You can see the desire in her eyes, just peeking past the unease.
>Gonna have to warm her up.
>You bring your right arm down on her, with a *paff* she deflects your strike with her “gauntlet”.
>You follow it up with a strike from with your left and again she deflects.
>Elbows draw back and rocket forwards as you do a double stab.
>She catches the tips using her doughnut layered hooves.
>You grunt as you try to push her back but find her resistance more than you expected.
>Using a burst of force you throw yourself into the stab, Pinkie gasps in surprise, her doughnuts begin to give under your force, compressing around the inner ring.
>She gracefully nudges your tips out from the center and immediately closes the gap between you two.
>You feel it before you can even register seeing it, her right hoof connects with your face, the soft sugary pink dough smushes against your face.
>You can hear a moist squishing as your head is forced backwards and your feet throw themselves back to keep you from falling over.
>Dirt is kicked up as you stumble back and quickly right yourself only to find Pinkie in the same place further up.
>She didn’t follow up with anything, wh-
>You can feel something on your lips.
>Keeping your eyes locked on your opponent, you wipe your lips with he back of your hand and bring it further out to inspect it.
>A dark yellow glaze is smeared around your knuckle.
>You lick it up and try to make sense of the powerful taste assaulting you tongue.
>Pinkie and the others are all looking on intently.
>You smirk.

File: bald eagle rising (lg).gif (2 MB, 400x240) Image search: [Google]

2 MB, 400x240

>>25640985
>>A dark yellow glaze is smeared around your knuckle.
>>You lick it up and try to make sense of the powerful taste assaulting you tongue.
>>Pinkie and the others are all looking on intently.

>>25640985
“It’s ambitious, surprisingly delicious even. When all’s said and done, Pinku Waifu, I’d love to have more of your Pink Lemonade doughnuts.”
>You hear a ruffling of feathers off to the side, but you know that looking away from your opponent is a surefire way to lose the fight.

And that's all I got. So, too much? Not RGRE enough? I was kinda thinking both of these were issues as I was working on this. So just let me know I guess, if it seems like things are fine and it's just me then I'll try to finish this up tomorrow after work.

>>25641165
Love it. Pinkie could be more fluttershy level nervous.

>>25641165
Don't worry about trying to make it fit, just write what you think flows the best. I absolutely love this and want to see how it finishes.

>>25641165
This is fantastic, I don't even care bout the RGRE, it's just goddamn amazing read from start to climactic cliffhanger

>>25640187
Yeah, sure. Just been busy, friendo, but I should have more time to myself in the upcoming days/weeks.

>>25641165
>Not RGRE enough?
Fuck catering to that douche canoe. It's a good story and we're enjoying it.

>And that's all i got.
I'd love to read more, but I know you've got other stuff you want to work on. Personally, I'd love to read me a good PonkxAnon story, but write what you need, mang. It's all good, and we'll read it.

>>25641165
It was definitely RGRE enough.
Hell, any story set in the universe belongs here.
That not RGRE enough anon can fuck right off.

>>25641234
No, nothing to do with that guy (although personally I thought he had some valid points about the Big Brother Anon story I did once I understood what he was getting at) I'm talking from a personal standpoint. I went back and sprinkled in, what I think were, better fitting RGRE elements but I was concerned that it might feel forced or out of place or something. I guess that was more what I was getting at.

>>25641165
It's ridiculous and I love it.

>>25641165
Well for proper consideration in regards to the appliacation of your story to our thread here you must fit the following criteria.

Let's see...
[x] Goofy Ponies being silly
[x] Anon doing things for fun and amusement at the expense of the other ponies.
[x] Stallions being girls.
[XXX] Lewd implications
[ ] Teat twisting

It seems you have missed just the one thing, however in light of the trope of awesome dueling fight between the challenger and master I'm willing to let it go.

>>25641622
Frostybox's box is too frosty for teat twisting.

>>25641694
Maybe when anon INEVITABLY DEFEATS PINKIE he can twist her teats.

>>25641456
Are we gonna see more Big Brother Anon? Because that's not something I've seen before, and I'd really like there to be more."

>>25640985

I expect Pinkie to start aggressively making-out with Anon.

Please. I need this.

>>25641704
What a major upset would it be if Anon wound up NOT beating Pinkie? This whole thread would implode from sheer shitposting.

>>25637153
Please moar.

>>25641165
Fuuuuuck. As always, it's a pleasure to read your green, Frosty.
>>Not RGRE enough?
Friend, this is an almost perfect example of RGRE. There's no ham-fisted "mares are macho-men who dote on colts" theme being forced down our throats unf, so it's fine. It was an important element of your story, but it wasn't the focus. Good stuff.

>>25642789
I don't mind RGR elements being subtle either.
I just want to read more stories.
STORIES FOR THE STORY GOD!
GREEN FOR HIS THRONE!

>>25643150
AND LET THE WOOOOORDS FLOOOOW

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>>25643887
HE WHO CONTROLS THE GREEN, CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE

>>25632984
Will wait for equalanon

>>25640259
I think you need to check the name of the board. It's /mlp/, not /mOC/.
>>25640269
>reverse gender roles thread
>wants to read another green about anon being a sexually frustrated jackass instead of a story about silly ponies

>>25644977
>Day role reversal in Anonquestria
>You are pony.
>Today you are going on a picnic with your new human friends Anon, Anon, Anon, Anon, Anon, and Anon.
>It's nice how all the humans around here are trying to make you feel welcome.
>As the time for the picnic approaches, you leave the house Anon arranged for you to be lent and head to Anon's place, since it's on the way to the park.
>Anon's human assistant Anon greets you at the door to his converted military base home.
>"Hi Pony, how are you today?"
"I'm alright, you?"
>"Not too bad apart from this guy chained up in my basement who keeps whining at me."
>Anon, Anon, and you all head off to the park together, Anon carrying a picnic basket.
>After a brief chat with Anon, the tree of you continue on to the park and leave Anon to his gardening.
>He's really good at it, those plants are huge.
>When you, Anon and Anon reach the park you see the rest of the group waiting for you on a large rug.
>Anon has a couch he's sitting on, somehow he always inexplicably has the most luxurious furniture in the most odd places.
>"Hello Pony, would you care for some tea?"
"Yes please"
>Anon passes you a very nice looking cup of tea and Anon gives you a small cake of some sort.
>Today was an okay day.

>>25645185
Durnk! Where's Princess Obama? What about Michel Philips or Micheal Bay trying to impress pony with atheleticsm and explosions respectivly?!

>>25645185
Weak.

>>25645432
I don't think you're getting the message behind the story.
It's "Fuck you"

>>25645495
Good message.
10/10, would enjoy schadenfruede again

>>25645185
The humans aren't actually all Anon; humans just all look the same to ponies, and they can't remember all them funny human names.

>>25645495
I get what you're trying to say. It's still shit.

>>25645552
This sounds like it would be really great to read, but also pretty hard to pull off well.
>>25645553
A shitty story is better than no story at all, Anon.
>>25645415
Your princess is in another story.
pls write it

>>25645585
>A shitty story is better than no story at all, Anon.
Most certainly true but it doesn't change the fact a shit story is still shit. If what you're getting at is that I should write something myself I can but I'm pretty sure it will be shit as well and the "well you do it then" attitude some people in this thread had isn't really a valid counter argument to critique.

>>25645618
Calling it shit isn't critique though, so the "then you do it" response is actually valid.

>>25645718
>Calling it shit isn't critique though,
It is. It simply doesn't go into details of why it's shit.
>so the "then you do it" response is actually valid.
It's not. Not to mention I got the same response when elaborating on the issues.

>>25645779
Critique: a detailed analysis and assessment of something, especially a literary, philosophical, or political theory.

If it isn't detailed, it's not critique.

>>25645798
Ok.

Anon the Humanicorn lives in the Canterlot Royal Gardens with the other 'rare' animals.
Only the Princesses can see him, however, outside of the animals living there.
He frequently wanders around Canterlot Castle, taking shit he needs, like toilet paper.
he pranks the shit out of ponies and Discord, who lolnopes out when he realizes he's around him.
The Alicorns try to catch him to prove he exists to the ponies, but their shenanigans always fail like Tom from Tom and Jerry.

>>25645988
Not RGRE enough.

>>25646005
RGRE is the setting; it doesn't have to be the explicit focus of the story.

>>25646005
I'm pretty sure you're just trolling at this point.

>>25645988
>>25646005
>>25641234

Are we suggesting we need humicorn thread? What sort of pic would fit with that?

>>25646118
Not every idea needs its own thread, anon. We can just as easily write it here, or in AiE.

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>>25646118

>>25646380
Dat filename tho.

So when does Anon start his career in illegal poneracing?

>>25646897
How would it be illegal? It might be seen as somewhat unethical if he was racing stallions, but I bet most mares would love to watch.

>>25646923
Of course it's illegal, what if one of them crashes into another. They might get boo boos.

>>25647059
>boo boos
Ssh!!! Christ, Anon... You wanna start a panic?

>>25632170
Twilight decide to bite the bullet, grabs anons invis-dick, and jack him off.
The room is silent all except for the sound of wet slapping.

>>25637221
Forty k has that I think

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>>25647294
>"Twilight, we have just told you that we can see it...him. Everypony can. And we see what you are doing right now. Please, stop embarrassing yourself!"
>"Twilight what are you doing, come on, even I know to leave a colt alone when he isn't up to party... stop! Oooh~ that's it, I'm never ever inviting you to my adult parties again."

>>25647457

> Twilight's exhibition fetish is really getting out of hand.

>>25630608
That "essance" part would make that white potion that Twilight drank 100% human... essance. Makes sense to me!

>>25647884
You could say she has it firmly in hoof.

>>25641165
This is pretty great m8.

>And that's all I got. So, too much? Not RGRE enough?

Dude this is clearly RGRE and its not even that particularly subtle too. Colts act pretty 'girly' mares act well... the pony 'manly'. The setting has RGR in it. So its good man.

>>25646005
>>25641344
>>25641234
it warms my heart that I triggered people so hard that to this day they're still bitching and memeing about it despite it happening months ago.

Feels good man.

>>25647943
>chases off one of the best green writers currently churning out stories
>proud of the fact

>>25647943
> Not RGR enough Anon.
> Proud of his Autism
> Hasn't killed himself yet.
It's like you enjoy being a failure.

>>25648278
>running someone off != telling LaP that I'd perfer if he didn't cross post his AiE story here

Ya know the only reason he posted that one bit of the bonbon stuff in the first place is because Drunk pestered him into doing so? You also act there was only one douche doing this I'm pretty sure there were at least 3.

>>25648487
You know the best thing about being on a anonymous board? I've been here the entire time since then posting and laughing among you all. You've probably liked a prompt I've posted or a shitty one shot I've cranked out in that time. I'll probably continue to do that to and you'll never know it me

>>25648487
>Putting a space between ">" and the first word

What kind of alien are you?

>>25641165
Please sir, can I have some more

>>25632984
And some more of this too

>>25648278
It occurs to me that you might also be talking about what happen to Ummmmhmmm waaaaaay back if that's the case then that one was not me

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>>25648714

>>25648804
this

>>25648832
>talks about somepony for months on end
>Insist that he doesn't care
>Continues to complain about them

Just fuck her already colt nobody likes a tease

>>25632984
Will wait forever

>>25630528
I decided to try and write something vaguely similar to the idea that I posted.


>Looking across the bar, you watch him.
>His blue mane gently falling across his face in the flickering light as he glances down at his drink.
>He's not wearing anything special, and he's not acting all slutty like some of the younger stallions you've seen tonight.
>Compared to the other stallions who show up, he seems rather plain.
>A cute little smile is on his face as he sips from his dainty little drink.
>He looks around the room, as if searching for somepony.
>When his gaze passes by you, you look down, blushing.
>Is he looking around for a mare to ask him out?
>You haven't seen anypony flirt with him so far tonight.
>Maybe because he's a little chubby.
>Not that that's a bad thing.
>That just means he's more cuddly.
>But just maybe you have a chance for once.
>You can buy him a drink and strike up a conversation.
>One thing will lead to another, and you'll ask if he wants to meet up for lunch.
>Or maybe, he'll come home with you and snuggle.
>And then you won't be alone anymore.
>You shake your head.
>Keep a hold of yourself, Quill.
>One step at a time.
>Alright.
>So, first, you just have to walk over, say "Hi", and ask if you can buy him a drink.
>That's it.
>Okay, mare, you can do this.
>You down the rest of your drink, hoping the extra alcohol can suppress your nervousness.
>Standing up, you try to project an air of confidence.
>It takes all of your effort to steady your shaking hooves as you walk over to his table.
"Hey."
>When he looks to you with his sparkling golden eyes, words abandon you.
>"Hello."
>What was the next part of your plan?
>What were you supposed to say next?
>"Can I help you?"
>Say something, stupid!
"H-how's the weather?"
>What are you doing?


1/4

>>25650217
>"Umm, well, last I checked it wasn't raining or anything, if that's what you mean."
>You start to sweat.
>Flirt, damn it!
"I-is it h-hot in here, or is it j-just you?"
>He gives you a funny look, while you feel a bead of sweat run down your face.
>"Are you alright?"
"I-I, uhm..."
>Your mouth dries up.
>"I'm a registered nurse. You seem a little feverish. Are you alright, ma'am?"
>Oh Celestia, he's a nurse?
>This is just like one of your Japonese --
>No, focus.
"I-I'm fine n-now."
>Now that you're here.
>Say it!
"N-n-n--"
>Your face heats up as he reaches over and presses the side of his hoof against your forehead.
>"Oh my. You're burning up. You really should be home resting."
>You try to respond, but you can't seem to move your mouth.
>"Hey, babe. Sorry I'm late, but you know how late these meetings can run."
>He takes his hoof away, and turns to a mare in a immaculate suit.
>Oh no.
>He's already taken by an important business mare.
>Abort!
>"It's fine, honey."
>"So, who's this?"
>She's going to kick your flank.
>"The poor mare has a high fever. She must've seen my cutie mark, because she came over and started talking about how hot it was."
>"Alright. But you know how I feel about you taking on extra patients outside the hospital. You don't need to overwork yourself, babe."
>Blushing heavily, you quietly back away.
>"I'm not going to just ignore somepony who's clearly sick, though, Gray."
>"Yeah, I know."
>He turns to see you halfway to the door.
>"Make sure to drink plenty of water!"
>You bolt out of there, hiding your eyes from the few ponies still outside this late.
>After a minute of running, you enter the nearby park and collapse on a bench after making sure there was nopony nearby.
>How did you manage to embarrass yourself so much?
>You couldn't even manage to get through the first sentence.


2/4

>>25650228
>Not that it would've mattered, since he already had somepony.
>Somepony more successful than you.
>Who are you kidding?
>Nopony wants to go out with a failure of a novelist who can't speak in front of a stallion.
>He didn't even realize that you were flirting with him.
>Or, at least, trying to.
>You're already 30, and you've never even been on a date.
>Face it, you'll be alone forever.
>Sniffling, you wipe your eyes.
>Mares don't cry.
>Even if they don't have someone to cuddle.
>Even if they're destined to die alone.
>No.
>You're not going to think like that, Quill Stain.
>Even if you've been trying for years.
>Sighing, you lie down on the bench and close your eyes.
>You should probably avoid that bar for a bit, now that everypony knows what a screw-up you are.
>At least the whole thing gave you an idea for another short story to send to magazines.
>Not that they bring in much money.
>Trying to ignore your thoughts, you just listen to the quiet chirping of the crickets.
>At least they won't judge you.
>Well, you think they won't judge you.
>Maybe all the crickets have their own secret society hidden from ponies, or something.
>Just another idea for a story nopony will read.
>"Hey."
>Your ears perk up slightly, but you ignore him.
>You can't let anypony see you like this.
>"I know you can hear me."
>Reluctantly, you sit up and find yourself looking into a crotch.
>"My face is up here."
>Blushing, you immediately jerk your eyes upward.
>Oh Celestia.
>He looks like that minotaur from the cheerleading team you had a crush on in high school.
>But without the horns.
>And with tons of clothing lewdly covering him up.
>Is this a dream?
>"There you go."
>Why would someone like him just come up to you?
>"I saw your little... performance in the bar a few minutes ago."
>No, this is a nightmare.


3/4

>Day herd mentality in Equestria
>You are Anon, Ponyville's only unclaimed male
>You are also covered in bitches.
>these ponies did not react well when they found out that you slept alone in your bed
>ponies are a prey species, and the thought of sleeping without at least one other pone snuggled up with them is terrifying
>started out with ponies showing up to your door before bedtime and asking to stay the night
>they'd be gone before you woke up
>anyway, soon a few of them started to stay for breakfast
>you'd make a few omelettes, some toast, maybe cut up some fresh fruit
>wasnt long before five of the same mares began showing up over and over
>they'd snuggle you, eat your breakfast, chill with you til noon, and then go off to do their thing until bedtime
>sometimes you see them around town.
>they speak so highly of you, especially your cooking
>almost sounds like they're bragging
>doesnt take long before they start showing up earlier in the evening
>they bring things with them too. towels, tooth brushes, pillows, records, etc
>they just leave them lying around in your house
>eventually they never left
>you guess you just live with them now
>tfw ponies tricked you into forming a herd

also bump

>>25650250
>"It was kind of pathetic, really."
>Celestia, not a repeat of prom night.
>You look away, not wanting him to see your face when he inevitably kicks you when you're down.
>"Hey. No."
>He uses one of his hands to turn your head up to face him.
>You pin your tail back to hide the increasing wetness.
>Now isn't the time, coltdom fetish!
>"Rule 1: Most stallions like confidence."
>Your confusion momentarily pushes aside your embarrassment.
"W-what?"
>"Look. Your attempt back in the bar was just terrible. Is this your first time asking someone out?"
"N-no, I..."
>"So, you've tried this before? How's that working out for ya?"
>You just look away.
>"Hey. Eyes up here."
>He pulls you back to face him.
>"I honestly feel sorry for you. You seem like a nice mare. All you need is a little... coaching."
>No one says anything.
>"I'm trying to imply that I'll help you find someone, genius."
>Your ears flatten at the sarcasm, but it seems too good to be true.
>A 10/10 stallion just shows up out of nowhere to give you dating advice?
>That seems a little --
"N-no."
>Wait, what are you saying?
"I-I..."
>"I'm not going to let anyone have to suffer through that excuse for flirting, so unless you're planning to become a monk or something, I'm helping you."
"O-okay, m'sir."
>"Rule 2: Don't call someone that. It's stupid as hell."
>He takes a few steps away, and you sneak a peek at his butt, which --
>"Are you coming? We've got a lot to do."
"Y-yes, sir."
>You hop off the bench.
>"Just call me Anon."


4/4


http://pastebin.com/5R1XycXU
https://github.com/diatomic-ge/writefag/blob/master/mlp/rgre/the-coach.green

Is this RGRE enough?

For those of you who haven't seen me around before, I procrastinate a lot, so don't expect me to necessarily continue for a couple days.
Fair warning.

>>25650273
It's good for this thread, don't listen to the site who say otherwise

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>>25650261
>Tfw people have moved in with you by just visiting and never leaving before.

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>RD: "And he just started to preen your wings? Just like that?"
>You smile and feel your flight muscles tense in arousal.
"I just told him that preening feels really good, and now he does it without me having to ask him."
>Rainbow Dash lets out an admiring whistle.
>RD: "Wow.... What a slut."
>Rarity scoffs at you for your behaviour, but you can see her poofing out her tuft under all the attention.
>R: "You think that's special, darling? I'll have you know that Anonymous has taken to rubbing my horn whenever I ask him to. And afterwards?"
>She leans in close; you and your four other friends pay rapt attention to her.
>R: "We cuddle."
>BUCK THAT'S HOT
>RD: "F-for how long!?"
>Rarity's looking might smug right now.....
>R: "As long as I want. Anonymous LOVE to cuddle. Sometimes we even fall asleep while holding each other."
>Your wings are now diamonds.
>To your left, Applejack looks torn between disapproval and admiration.
>Everypony in town knows she wants to make an honest stallion of Anon, but Celestia knows that even AJ has needs.
>AJ: "So all y'all have to do is go up to him and ask fer some cuddle time?"
>R: "Oh, yes."
>AJ: "Ah don' even have to buy him no fancy gifts'r nuthin'?"
>R: "Not even one."
>AJ: "An' he lahkes it?"
>R: "Hard to believe, dearie, but it's true."
>Stallions usually HATE cuddling. They only ever do it on special occasions, like a mare's birthday or something.
>Applejack gets this big grin on her face and trots off towards the doors.
>AJ: "If'fn y'all excuse me, Ah'm off to court myself a horsbando."

>>25650646
Whoops. That's Twilight's perspective, btw.

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>>25650646
>R: "We cuddle."

>>25650660
Figured.

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>>25650646
too cozy

>>25650646
Too much RGRE

>>25650956
Bitch, I will cut you.

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>>25650646
>you will never preen twilight's wings
Why even live?

>>25651068
>You will never preen Twilight's wings.
>She will never trust you enough to let you do it for her.
>You will never gently tug on each feather and make sure none of them are out of place.
>You will never tug too hard on one of her feathers by accident.
>She will never forgive you for it.
>She will never smile sweetly and tell you to keep her feather as a gift.
>You will never keep it with you all the time.
>You will never realize the significance of a unicorn or alicorn giving one of their feathers away.
>You will never confront Twilight about this information.
>She will never confess her feelings for you.
>You will never return them.
>You will never life the rest of your life with your beloved, purple bookworm.
>You will never lay peacefully on your deathbed while Twilight stands over you.
>She will never look like she hasn't aged a day.
>She will never the the last thing you see before you pass on.
>You will never stop feeling alone.

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>>25651142
well, i fucked THAT up.

>>25651142
Never forgive, never forget.

>>25651161
That did not make me feel well, Anal.

>>25651225
None of us feel good, Anon. That's why we're here.

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>>25651142
At least I still have you, writefriend.

>>25651241
I mean I felt good BEFORE I read that.

>>25650646
What's the human equivalent to cuddling?
I'm trying to think of what that translates too in human terms.

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>>25651279
>What's the human equivalent to cuddling?
Cuddling.

>>25651279
Intimate touching/foreplay, maybe?

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>>25651258
I'm sorry I killed the mood, then.

>>25651250
We'll always have each other.

>>25651225
>>25651241
>>25651250
>>25651258
>>25651667
Now I just want to hug all of you.
Yes, I know it's slutty, but I would.

>>25651765
dirty colt

>>25651667
>>25651765
I love you guys no matter what.

>>25650273
well done anon

>>25651817
I know.

>>25651872
Love you too, familia.

>>25650273
Neat.
I feel bad for Spaghetti Stain though. She'll never end up with Anon.

>>25650646
I'm a big fan of cuddling stories.

You guys, whether you're writefriends or Anons, you're all special to me. I think of you when I write.

>>25652083
I think of you when I shower.