I think my neighbor is a vampire.
He's kind of an asshole and I'm pretty sure he's cheating on his wife.
What should I do /x/?
>>17744380
cant tell if troll or stupid
>>17744380
WHY???!
Why do you think he is a vampire? What SPECIFIC behavior that your neighbor exhibits leads you to believe this? Being an Asshole and an Adulterer is common suburban behavior. WTF?!?! Have you seen the dude freaking out over garlic at the grocery store. How long had you suspected this. Dude!!! ANY information would have at least given you SPME credibility.
And why the female vampire picture? Is this a lesbian vampire couple we're talking about? DETAILS!!!!
>>17744380
>I think my neighbor is a vampire.
>He's kind of an asshole and I'm pretty sure he's cheating on his wife.
What do either of these things have to do with each other at all?
>What should I do /x/?
Start by trying to NOT be such a mouth breathing tard.
>>17744380
Kill that unholy monster op, what other answer do you need
>>17744380
>I think my neighbor is a vampire.
Why?
>He's kind of an asshole and I'm pretty sure he's cheating on his wife.
That sure sucks if it's true. Back to the vampire thing?
Stake him
>>17744380
>What should I do /x/?
I would say "mind your own business", but obviously it's past that point already. You're going to meddle, it's going to get you in trouble, and then you're going to blame us for it.
Second best option is to gather information. Long story short, we know absolutely nothing about vampires (everything you think you know you learned from television). In the extremely unlikely event he is one, you want some idea of what his parameters are. So you get to play Private Detective for a few weeks.
If he doesn't do anything violent towards your household, don't do anything violent towards him or his. That's just basic decency.
>>17744380
Kkkill him, obviously
>>17744625
That's what you said in the last "I think my neighbor is a vampire" thread. I'm starting to think you're racist against the undead.
>>17744651
Racist? No. Specieist? Maybe. But I don't get it. If I suspected someone of being a vampire, I'd kill him because they are dangereous monsters.
>>17744625
>KKKill
you man lynch?
>>17744685
Strange, I didn't notice I put more than one K in that.
To me the obvious answer is to fuck his wife
>>17744691
>To me the obvious answer is to fuck his widow
Ftfy
>>17744380
pile drive his wife in the doot
>>17744692
Killed any vampires or any other non human supernatural predators lately?
>>17744380
Porphyria is a lifestyle. Get a UV spotlight.
>>17744713
You know this guy isn't a vampire right?
At the most, you will melanoma him to death.
>>17744715
>melanoma him to death
I lost it.
>>17744708
Nope.
>>17744380
You know what to do...
Do it faggot... Do it...
Sincerely The Voice In Your Head
Al
>>17744739
Yes! So much this!
Remember, anons, mix styrofoam and gasoline and have some fun in your lives!
>>17744425
I heard garlic doesn't work against them.
>>17744380
>sure he's cheating on his wife.
So you're female, and, by extension, dumb. Just kill yourself.
>>17744693
Doot doot
You hab been bisited by de bitty monsta.
Good fartune and bare biddies will come tuh you but only if you wespond "doot doot diddy truck! No, no, she's here! Go around back!"
Contact an old television star. He'll know what to do.
>>17744393
whynotbothasiangirl.jpeg
>>17744380
Fuck her wife and cuckold him back to hell
>>17744380
You could start by taking your medication
>>17744380
stab him with wooden bullets.
the stab his wife with your wood
>>17744380
Obviously, kill your neighbor, fuck his wife.
>>17744976
>Iiunderstoodthatreference.jp
>>17744387
LOL THIS.
>>17744380
Probably mind your own business.
>>17744976
Heh.
When I saw this thread that's the first thing I thought of.
>>17745127
>stabbing with bullets
You were the special one at school weren't you?
>>17745266
Almost everyone is special in here.
>>17744380
Well fuck if all it takes to be a vampire is being an asshole and infidelity I'm a vampire too,along with at least a third of the world.
>>17744380
>80s solution
>go to his house at night
>bring your crush
>get caught
>he will bite your crush
>and tell you his plan
>then your former best bud will rescue you.
>and you'll be best buds again
>>17745289
Fedoras love this fake chart, it makes it seem like their god Science has given them a proof.
>>17745289
The chart seems to actually show that that groups with the most trolls has the lowest average IQ.
>>17745351
Or they just gave troll replies to /lit/ questions.
/fit/ that high tho, there's your ultimate proof this is fake
It's like.. I can't even be bothered to read the OP, yet, I feel like... I should type something. Y'know. Something bad. It's weird.
![latest[2].png](https://i.imgur.com/ZAIo52Y.png "latest[2].png")
Get some holy water, mix it with a large amount of freshly chopped garlic, and put it in water balloons.
Hit him with a few of those and observe his reaction, if he gets pissed off he's definitely a vampire.
>>17745822
I'd get pissed off, and maybe I'd even react badly to the holy water, depending on the religion in question.
>>17745847
Then clearly you must be a vampire.
>>17745851
Nope. Just a person who doesn't want to smell like fucking garlic. And I don't mind water blessed by religions that aren't based on Judaism.
>>17745858
That's exactly what a vampire would say.
>>17745864
Then why did I tell anons in at least a dozen threads to make fucking napalm and fucking roast the guy?
>>17744380
By this logic everyone in Jersey is a vampire
> you're not entirely wrong
>>17745869
For the same reason you post anything, you just like seeing your name in every thread.
>>17745869
I dunno man, I'm not a vampire psychologist.
OP really should have some way of dealing with the soaked, frenzied, vampire that reeks of garlic prepared before he tags him with the water balloons. I like the napalm idea.
>>17745884
My name is a burden. Like the one ring. Maybe even greater.
And I've posted the advice even when I was just an another anonymous anon
>>17744671
Wow
Rude
>>17745910
Back to tumblr, fucking SJW bitch, before I raped you in the name of the patriarchy
>>17744387
This one million times!!
>>17744380
Bang his wife
>>17744745
Now now unless you're talking about disposal there's no real need to encourage misbehavior.
>>17745306
There's a definite price and it means ending your life so be careful with your choices as it means avoiding human tendencies.
>>17745933
Wat
>>17744380
Propose to him and make him wear a silver ring,see how he reacts,if you get confirmation Just ambush him sometime later and choke his throat by shoving garlic down it
This is his neighbor reporting in, yes I am a vampire, no I do not cheat on my wife. I feel like I am not an asshole, but that is really subjective. You should get some sleep buddy you look tired. You have to sleep sometime. I need you, to go, to sleep. Also stop locking your door.
>>17744575
Naw dog that just makes things worse....
>>17745304
And now you will begin to suspect those cement vaults aren't really to prevent groundwater contamination.
