Do you have have any experiences with depersonalisation and/or derealisation?
Got any stories to share?
>>17725502
many experiences
i live it everyday
but i literally cannot put it into story form
my thoughts are just so scattered and
nothing seems real
and i cant even convey what i mean by that
everything is just fucking bizzare
and i havent felt like myself in long enough for me to forget whoever i used to be
it means you are doing too many drugs or have a mental problem.
>>17725502
I've had it for about a year. Strongly believe its related to my alcohol use/binge drinking on weekends since I was 20. 24 now and trying to take better care of myself, but the pangs of derealisation can come at anytime, at work, in the store, etc, with massive panic attacks following it.
Its like once you have experienced it there is no way back.
>>17725512
how do you cope anon? that sounds fking scary
>>17725550
i try to turn my mind off
drugs too
but both of course just make it worse long term
there really is no way to cope after a certain point
i cant let myself think too much about it rn or logic itself will break down again
after youve had it happen you kind of just got to
over time hope that you can start lying to yourself
and pretend that you didnt feel what you did
but it doesnt leave you
every time i close my eyes to sleep i can just barely as i lose consciousness feel the embrace of valkoinen kuolema
but sleep is only the cousin of death and its only an illusion
every dream leaves me wondering who i am when i wake up
the confusion loops
i find myself spacing out in front of people just trying to fucking THINK and look at things in a sane way and BELIEVE whats around me is real so much
i cant even fucking describe what i mean to the point where some anon wont just call me a dumb fuck or edgy or something
its so hard to describe things not making sense and not feeling like you are you
i feel like nothing
not even trying to be tumblr
i simply feel like absolutely nothing, not even an entity in a shell
cant even put it into words dude
but yeah im basically dead inside
>>17725502
Not sure if this pertains to me.
I don't know how to act anymore, I usually try to emulate the person I'm talking to so as to keep my point of view of out their mind.
I don't bathe, brush my teeth, or care about much of anything anymore.
I think about how the world is a prison, when I have these episodes I think I'm in Hell.
Sometimes I think people can read my mind, it's excruciatingly exhausting.
I think about suicide every day, more than a few times a day, but I'm afraid I'll end up in the same place only worse.
I know I need medication, but I've never seen a doctor.
>>17725558
i should also point out i have no idea how to act around people
i stick out like a sore thumb from my sheer monotony and lack of.... quirks
things to say
volume of words
expression
all of that normal shit
its excruciating being around people and it being so obvious that theyre judging you and actively notice that you look so dead inside
and you totally are
and you just proceed having no personality
and it makes making friends sheer agony
once the few friends i have left leave me ill be completley alone because ive long since forgotten how to form bonds with others
its fuckin brutal, man..
If I'm by myself, I have literally no personality
No interests, desires, nothing. I become whoever I'm around and when I'm alone I'm nothing. I can't take boredom or being inactive because it just reminds me how empty I am when I stop and have the time to look at myself. I have no personality anymore, my true self has been killed and I can't even remember how long it's been.
>>17725502
Been suffering from severe DP/DR for about 2 years now. It's just an anxiety symptom. It goes away whenever you are busy. Sometime's i'll be working on a project and won't even think about my condition until I have time to think. Best book on the subject is DP manual and "at last a life" by paul david. It's just a symptom of anxiety, nothing more. If any questions i'd be happy to answer.
>>17725576
How to get rid of anxiety?
>>17725502
I used marijuana twice. The first time everything went ok. The second time I just took one hit, and I became derealised for several hours. It was completely different than my first experience with weed that week. When I came home from Amsterdam I thought it was over.The next day however, I still felt hazy and had a derealisaton attack in the evening. I continued to have these attacks the next several days. Needless to say I was worried to death.
Im planning on doing weed soon again, but Im not really sure about it. The same thing could happen to me or even worse. Reading the replies of other anons in this thread really makes me reconsider.
But Im almost craving for another marijuana session.
>>17725502
when i was little (as in elementary school) i had really intense episodes of this
i would sit down when i was alone and, as time passed, my body felt more and more foreign and i'd start thinking "why did this life happen to me? why am i Anon? why am i in this body?"
looking back it seems strange that i would think that as a child since most episodes of depersonalization seem to be induced by alcohol or drugs
just fyi, the last episode i've had was when i was around 8, it never happened again, not when drinking, not when sober
How and when did it happen?
>>17725572
>>17725585
you don't try to. thats the mistake everyone makes. Anxiety leaves when you no longer see it as a problem. When you feel anxious, accept it and move on with your life no matter how unpleasant it feels. It is just your nerves being sick. When your leg is broken you don't fix it by running on it, you fix it by doing nothing. Like wise, with anxiety you don't fix it by being anxious, you fix it by doing nothing. When you feel anxious, invite that motherfucker in, let him put his feet up on the couch. Make dinner for the motherfucker and just go on with yourself. Eventually your body will no longer see you as being in danger (since anxiety keeps our body thinking we are in danger thus producing more anxiety, causing this endless loop). Bottom line. Don't fight it anymore, let it come, let it hurt, you won't die and go on with your life. Anxiety won't kill you so why give it credence? for more read "at last a life" by paul david
>>17725601
Thanks anon, you don't think medication is needed? I'm 99% positive it's a chemical imbalance at this point.
>>17725563
Have you considered psychotherapy?
>>17725614
have not heard of that until now, and probably couldn't afford it anyways since no insurance
>>17725512
Can relate. This fucks w my social life because in my head I'm thinking a) none of this matters at all b)this is so crazy how we all are at this same exact spot in life, interacting with one another
All while thinking about the universe & life & shit
>>17725611
anxiety is actually not a chemical problem but a nerve problem. It's one of habit. Your brain (a very old part of it) keeps firing signals that you are in danger and sends these anxiety signals to your nerves that you are in danger. You keep validating it through your actions (worry). thus it keeps happening. Medication will only stop the symptoms while you are drugged, it won't ever get rid of the problem. The side effects aren't worth it either. Read the book "at last a life" by paul david. That book saved my life.
>>17725611
LSD and MDMA help with anxiety, but be careful with psychedelics escpecially LSD
>>17725563
>>17725618
Are you me Cuz damn
>>17725629
that's fucking stupid. Never take acid when you're already in a bad place. Only under controlled settings with professional supervision and council (like what's going on in cali) should one take it for anxiety/depression.
What does it feel like to be real? The more I read and hear about derealization the less I feel like I've ever felt what real is supposed to be.
>>17725558
I have been to the brink of consciousness, done Dmt for over 8 years.
Not trying to stroke my ego but chill kid. Have a beer and chill the fuck out. It's all good
>>17725638
I agree, that's why you have to get your set and setting right. Begin a week before the expirience writing down things you want to think about, problems you want to resolve, really work on it. After you think you're ready, a day before is best spent outside in the wood or nature overall.
>>17725642
feeling real is realizing that you are aware of your existance and your actions. you are not your thoughts!
>>17725502
>feels good man
>>17725512
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
>>17725561
Man I don't know if you're role playing or if you are serious but if so go to the fucking doctor. I know it may seem pointless/give you anxiety, but there's no way you can improve if your mental health isn't checked.
I've dealt with it off and on for many years. I didn't even realize what was happening until about a year ago. I have spaced out many times just to come to confused about where I am or what I'm doing. Other times I feel like I'm trapped inside my own body and watching a movie of myself going about my routines. It happens at work, when I'm driving, and when I'm just sitting around the house. Sometimes I can feel it creeping up in the back of my mind and I know an episode is about to start. If I catch it, I can usually snap myself out of it.
>>17725502
I od'ed on concerta once and lost the ability to feel happiness for about 3 hours. Do NOT recommend it !
>>17725502
It sucks mayor balls. Do not attempt.
>Be me
>Kill ego
>Be in constant state of depersonalisation every day.
>Dont care about anything, live in autopilot mode.
>Head is in a cloud all day, makes you clumsy and everything its harder for you.
I am getting better after a year of this hell. Stoped meditation and smoking weed.
I had what could be defined as a 'bad trip' on psilocybin mushrooms. My friend, who was also on mushrooms kept purposely fucking with me by shooting questions about the reality of being and our current state of existence. This happened outside in the dark, for reference.
Ever since then, I've had short periods of depersonalisation, about once per day. It usually comes with doing a biological function or something similar. Using the bathroom, brushing teeth, etc. When it happens, I start to think that there is obviously more to existence than we understand, a place that my mind exists where my body does not. A sort of detachment from my body forms, and what I view as myself becomes my consciousness as its own entity, rather than a human being.
Chronic.
Episodic since forever, started to get really disturbing and would go on for months (sometimes a couple years) when I was like 12
Shrink said got nothing to do
I said fuck shrinks
Just endured it and learned to manage it. Still happens, but less, and IDGAF any longer.
Depersonalization and derealization is the fucking worst. Like I had lag on myself or like no feedback loop was ever fully complete
couldn't find my feelings for my loved ones
>>17725590
Keep at it, kiddo.
>>17727769
>Ive gone insane with happiness.
>>17725596
did you ever feel weird if you kept thinking about it for too long
when i was little as young as 3 from what i can remember i used to ask myself how i was me, how i can see the world but i cant see others perspective of the world, how is this real, and the longer id think about it id get headaches or feel uneasy. this stopped around age 6 but every now and then i dont feel real i dont think anything is real then i just go back to life
>>17725502
I've had bouts of derealisation before, have had general anxiety for maybe 6 years now. It's not super serious, I've only had a couple bad panic attacks, but that shit is nothing compared to feeling like I'm not even in my own body.
It's a really jarring thing when you are consciously doing things but feel as though it were someone else controlling you.
Being a spectator of my own life is terrifying.
>>17725512
I have a feeling this is the weed m8
>>17725572
I feel for you. i got my doc to hook it up with some adderall a few months ago, helps me wake up. You probably know what I mean.
>>17728150
Yes come back to the prison er I mean ego. You must only perceive in this very limited way. You are psychotic you should take some pills to make sure you do not have power of your own consciousness to perceive beyond what ego allows.
i have conquered DP/DR completely, AMA
>>17728253
Daym dude well hopefully you aren't full neet.. It's not too late
>>17728394
My life is perfect!
>>17728253
>dat pic tho
I've suffered from pretty much all types of dissociation (with the exception of DID) my entire life. My chorus teacher at school got me to participate in a composition contest, and when I was working on it late at night, I started to dissociate pretty badly. I dissociate a lot, but being tired acts as a catalyst. Once I finally came to, I noticed that I had written about 20 measures of music. Even stranger was that it actually sounded pretty good. Nothing paranormal of course, but I still found it interesting.
>>17728416
Feedback loops originating from native stimuli.. Totally oblivious to encroaching new data.
>>17725638
take more acid
>>17725590
This is the exact same thing that happened to me! No joke the exact same fucking story.
When I was 18 I did LSD about 8 times at varying doses over the course of the summer. I also was doing heavier doses of mephedrone semi regularly during that time.
I had stopped all my drug use except for a few more trips on LSD, and for months afterwards I experienced that depersonlization.
Everything was simply off. Almost felt like I was watching a movie through my eyes, was always going through the motions. My thinking wasn't quite the same. My perception of sound and sight was changed.
24 now and I don't totally remember when it went away but it probably lasted up to 4 or 5 months before really tapering off.
Had a years long engagement end suddenly and barely escaped being robbed/killed a month or so later. The entire "family" instantly being gone and my 'medicines' to cope led to sleep deprivation and having to actively pretend to be a functioning human being outside of my own head. The nihilism is still in me, but not to that degree. I never want to go back there.
>>17725558
i used to have this shit back in highschool,drugs and especially legal weed blends made it worse
its gotten better over the years,only advice i can give you is a wound hurts more when you look at it
>>17725590
i cant smoke weed for the very same reason,sucks too cus of how casual it was,like the perf drug,now its a nightmare,thankfully i can still enjoy psychs
>>17728926
Still use it I dare you!? Weed can take you there. Of course for meditation purposes and not social. Weed will wreck your mind in a good way. It will take you as deep as your willing to go. It is the sacrament in Shaivism the oldest religion on Earth for a reason.
Depersonalization happens typically from meditating. Have any of you fell asleep meditating? Im sure everyone has right? Well that is what they call the Void (unconsciousness) in Eastern Religions. If you can take it one step further and transcend the Void we literally experience every night you experience enlightenment; but it seems everybody with DP/DR are scared to slip away. How to transcend the void is some tricky shit and wish I had all the answers. Maybe one day we will all KNOW.
>>17728394
I make money yet still feel neet cause have the easiest funnest job in the world! Doesn't pay shit but nothings easier. Its super dangerous but I handle it like a pro!
>>17727769
I have thoughts like these when i go to the bathroom all the time. I know what you mean about feeling more to existence than we can comprehend. Something about realizing I'm standing in this room built by other people urinating into something built by someone else, and the fact that i do is so offhandedly and regularly, for lack of better words, seems off putting to me. Like the idea of things being built with no idea what use will ever come of them, and how much they provide for me just overwhelms me. It helps me restore some faith in humanity that I've lost, but also causes me to question what notable impact i could hope to achieve when i feel like this depersonalized fuckbag half of the time.
Sometimes I just can't believe the amount of events that had to converge for me to be standing there stoned off my ass pissing into a toilet I guess. And I mean like the entirety of earths history, or even the universes. It's like I can feel the weight of humanities presence resting on my shoulders when I get depersonalized like this.
>>17725502
More or less the same as everyone else in this thread who says they have it. Maybe I function a little higher, though. Who knows. Also have Synesthesia that occasionally results in sensory overload. Doesn't make it any better. Had it since forever. As long as I can remember, as early as I could form memories or thoughts. Again, more or less of the same of the people in this thread.
Suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide/s followed by a sense of cosmic humor in failure to succeed (and failure to do significant damage), existential crises, hurdles, one dose of lax catatonia followed by the slow process of picking up the mental pieces... Only to come back with a smile, the need to adhere to hobbies/the pleasure response from learning, living for the sake of curiosity, and a constant sense of autopilot. Sometimes, a veiled sense of understanding. Some closure, some sanctity, maybe. Else, when I come back to it, I simply don't do -anything- of note. I just sit, or lie there. And it's quiet. Ambient.
Sometimes I just stare and think, rapidly, sometimes disjointedly, sometimes "in parallel". Sometimes I stare, and don't think. I just hear all of the motions, all of the contours, all of the colors, all of the depth... and I feel as if I'm not really there. It can feel like time has passed, but I'm well aware of the fact that time has indeed passed, and I will remember every second of it.
I find that it makes me a good listener, though. People like that.
But. As of late, I have actually dealt with all of this on my own, and I've found ways to circumvent the DPD. Now, when I care to catch myself, I can tell people that as silly as it sounds, I "am myself for once (still)".
this thread fucked me more than i already was, i can releate to most of whats been said.
I wish you all luck in this world
>>17729309
>the oldest religion on Earth for a reason.
Don't make shit up
>>17729459
Just try and plunge into the ethos of empathy and you should feel somewhat better. It feels better to know you're not alone in your feelings.
>>17729486
i already knew i wasnt a special snowflake, but yeah you are right, it does feel good to know for certain.
>>17725542
lol you are a pussy. i drink everyday, typically over 8 drinks per night. and weekends are all day binges. started this at 23 and im 31 now. feels good man
>>17727328
I know it isn't pointless and I really want to, I've just been procrastinating. Waiting to see if I can fix it on my own. The questions I've asked about anxiety in this thread have already helped my day a great deal, especially at work. But I do need something, only because of my self-esteem. Since I haven't brushed or flossed my teeth are rotting and it kills me every day to look in the mirror. When I was a teenager it was acne, now it's this. I'm trying to get the money together to get crowns on my front teeth but it's expensive, about $15,000. I'm in debt though, up to my eyeballs for my pay grade anyway.
Through all of this I've at least learned humility. I'm kind, I try to help if I can, I like being there for people. It's made me a better person at the end of the day and that's what I cling onto.
>>17729512
well, this is me in 8 years
>>17728680
Sounds like a bunch of fancy words.
>u mad brah?
I woke up one day and I could feel that I was just a spirit or something wearing a body.
My body felt no more important than a pair of clothes. It was as though I was wearing a heavy coat. I scratched my arm and I felt that it happened but it didn't hurt anymore than if I had scratched myself through a pair of jeans.
And the world around me was just physical matter. No attachments to anything in my room. It was all just matter. Really, that's all anything is.
I woke up one day and I could feel that the DMT was not bunk shit
>>17725617
Grad students getting their PhDs need to clock in a certain number of hours as a requirement. They'll usually take students for dirt cheap or free.
>>17729512
Ugh, your poor liver.
>>17729481
Shaivism is the oldest religion on the planet it stems from Rudraism. Just different deeper name for same shit. Whats older than Hinduism? Saivism is one of the major branches of Hinduism aka Sanatana Dharma (Eternal Religion)/(Eternal Spiritual Truth). Bhairava Tantras are the deepest thing in existence!
>>17725558
>im dead inside im so fuckin cool yo
>i cant feel shit guys like i totally dont care
Can i be your friend please? Or are you too dead inside for friends too?
>>17725558
Literally one step away from enlightenment.
GET SOME!!!!!!
>>17725558
Stop smoking weed, I used to get denationalization bad when I smoked as a teen
>>17730315
*depersonalization
I've been depersonalized constantly for months and lately I've been feeling better since I started taking B12 and D vitamins, had a few episodes but it wasn't any near to what it was before
Used to have this
I had to take Adderall as a kid and it really fucked me over, it felt like I wasn't even alive.
I remember feeling like my conscience was just floating and I was only attached to the world by my body and like a ball and chain.
After I got off Adderall and made some friends the feeling went away
>>17725515
>drugs
Yeah, naw. The first few times this happened to me, I was still a kid. 10-11. I felt like I was watching a video of someone elses POV and controling his movements. It was super fucking weird and since I was a child I didnt know how to handle it and panicked.
Im 29 now, the last time it happened was about 8 years ago. I was at sea, felt pretty good that day too, full of energy, everything was fine then suddenly while I was just walking everything felt..."distant". Im not sure how to explain it. I got a soda from a vending machine and even doing that felt like I had to tell my body "ok now push the mountain dew button, reach down there and get it...ok got it".
I started to freak out, it felt like an out of body experience or something so I figured going outside for fresh air would help. It didnt. Seeing the expanse of ocean around me with nothing but wind made me not able to concentrate. It was horrible. It took hours for it to go away and hasent happened since.
>>17729309
you must be given no other option but to pass through. let death, despair, and fear wash over and one will pass. when it first happened it was quite the "surprise" like The ALL had decided i should fade and be swallowed up by the void. but i had no knowledge of anything further that that. if felt like and Truly was the end of my existence. yet nothing is finite
>>17730774
In my experience void was void. I know exactly what I was meditating on, then I just went away. But then I came back and when I came back I didn't come back all the way. It was like I was unconscious and conscious at the same time and then WHAM!!!
>>17729309
>>17728926
>>17725590
You have to use weed with the intention of it killing you, and giving you a bad experience.
Go in with the idea that death and pain and confusion will be fun, if only to come out of it again and learn everything again like a baby.
Music and colorful visuals help a lot...
...youtube of live acts that have really clear sound work great for me.
>>17725502
I used to have some serious depression and it was like I was floating behind myself, kinda observing the actions I made, like a 3rd person vidya, I have depression still but I dissociate far less, is that what you're talking about?
>>17725512
>>17725550
This sounds like something many people strive for through meditation, etc. - to intuitively realize that the ego is an illusion and so be more aware, unlike a prisoner of ones own consciousness or ones repetitive, anxious thoughts. Ego death.
>>17727609
How can I kill my ego?
I don't know what to think, everything feels like a lie.
I have to believe I'm insane to remain "sane".
My thoughts are all over the place and I have trouble making coherent ones. I can't trust them.
Everything feels wrong, and every time I do something I feel like I did it wrong and it would have been better if someone else did it.
I can convince myself of anything, and that terrifies me.
I don't even know who I am anymore. If souls exist, I'm positive I post mine.
I'm just an animal, an organic machine.
I notice myself copying others, what if I'm just the product of other people's brainwashing?
I just want to shut off but I know this is it, even if it doesn't matter in the end.
I wish I still believed in God. I could probably make myself believe in him too, but I don't want to lie to myself.
I could do anything I want, and tomorrow would be exactly the same.
Everything is based on perception, and with my bad eyesight and a lazy eye it makes perceiving anything more difficult.
It is damn near impossible to focus, and even if I do focus I feel like I'm missing out on something else.
Everyone is fake, able to put on a mask for everyone else to see.
I wonder if I'm so broken because I refuse to lie to myself.
>>17729512
Me, feels good. I'm 27 and started when I was 21. I cruise through my day on Stims and feel good then drink at night and feel good. I take a break day every so often to give my liver a break. He's a beast though
one time i did so much acid and pot i ended up having a psychosis the next day i thought i had died and everything felt new like the world was dead and it was difficult for me to feel normal again but thats about it
yall are overreacting stop being so fucking gay about mental issues and shit
My blog is pretty cool. I'm trying to get followers on tumblr thebricksofhoman.tumblr.com
>>17725590
Same here.
Dont worry it will all be good. I know what you are talking aobut, the feeling of logic loss.
The thing that kills you at first but then lets you shine if you embrace it. Keep at it, this experience might be something you call a very precious moment in the future.
Also, you might want to look up Allan Watts. He is cool and talks about things that might interest you.
Or if you are german, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEXVqYgHrsY
I had this stuff happen to me way more back then, than now, but it still happens from time to time.very slowly the feel of your body and your surroundings start to dissappear. It feels like you're riding a Rollercoaster,and everything happens on its own without you doing anything. It's like suddenly you're a spectator of your own life. It's such a weitd feeling...like you're just moments from leaving this world,and you're just about to enter the real one...It used to be so frightening to me...glad it's mostly gone.
I've been experiencing frequent DR/DP since I was like 9 years old. I think it's pretty great actually. It was terrifying at first but after I got used to it it became a great means for coping with stress. It's hard to freak out over personal problems when you don't even feel like you're real. It's hard to worry about the things happening around you when the whole world feels like a video game and you aren't entirely convinced you won't just start a new game when you die.
Maybe some of the borderline-delusions I experience as a result of frequent DR/DP aren't good but I find I can make the best of them too. With derealization, I used to explain it by saying that an episode feels like I've suddenly switched realities. It's like I'm in a reality almost exactly the same as the one I was in moments ago, but everything is subtly off somehow. I run with that now. By laughing and going "oh, I've changed realities again" to myself I can deal with it quickly and move on.
>>17725502
more please
Smoked some weed years ago and it hit me hard. I had work the next day and I felt so empty. I would listen to my music and feel nothing. I remember talking to my co-worker about it that day. Scariest and most depressing experience of my life. It lasted a couple of days. I remember constantly thinking "I am not feeling anything. Why am I even here?" and wanting to seriously kill myself. It wasn't like, a depression. Just kind of a strange intense apathy of some sort.
Hasn't happened since, but then again, I haven't smoked since.
>>17731869
>when the whole world feels like a video game and you aren't entirely convinced you won't just start a new game when you die.
This is the basis for quantum immortality...
...why WOULDN'T you continue on after death with your memories until you come to some technological method of reconfusion?
Also, have you never seen A Clockwork Orange?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVk-bacM75Y
I have derealisation sometimes triggered by psychedelics and maybe weed contributed as well I dunno, anyway it's pretty cool imo, kind of like you're in a dream and your perception of time gets distorted, and it's easy to let your consciousness wander about, wouldn't want to get stuck with it but I find it kind of entertaining when it happens.
I live my life in that way, I do lsd and smoke weed to feel sometimes. LSD preferred
>>17725512
Same. When I was a sophomore in high school I started smoking pot on top of it and actually forgot how to make facial expressions. Took me a year before I nI longer had to consciously think about what emotions I was expressing. These days I just sleep and piss away my time because I'm too tired to make personal connections. Its a bummer
My ex had this. Any of you anons in a relationship? I always felt my ex didn't make time for me so I addressed the problem he said that becuase his dp he is scared that while we hung out he wouldn't recognized me and that is why he would avoid hanging out with me often. He also had anxiety and got DP becuase A bad weed trip. We had this problem where he wanted to always make new female friends becuase he felt girls where more nurturing. Recently he made a female friend who he would see often and he was neglecting our relationship that is when he explained to me that he is with people he doesn't know well because he feels he can pretend to be a person who is fine but when he is with me or his regular friends he has to be his normal Dp self. We broke up and 3 days later he is with this girl who he only knows for like 2 weeks. He's also separating himself from all the people he knew. It saddens me to see what he's becoming and I feel upset that I couldn't help.
>>17733489
He just didn't like you or his friends.
>>17733498
We were together for 3 years though. And his friends were friends since he was 12, hes 20 now. Maybe he wanted out of the relationship too huh, he could've just been honest.
>>17733512
Yeah, for sure. Sorry but I would also bet money that he was cheating on you this entire time he was giving you those bullshit excuses, or looking to at least. Seems like he succeeded. No one ends a 3 year relationship to be with a person they just met unless the sex was good.
Don't worry about it, he'll destabilize eventually (if he is even telling the truth about his condition) and come running back to everyone. His friends might not care but you'll know better.
>>17725502
I've only had one experience with it i think.
I felt like my life was just me playing a video game, even though I was outside. Then shit went back to normal.
>>17725576
And what if you're not anxious at all but it still persists?
Yeah I had this yeah it was drugs that did it
It's better now but it took years
Everything seemed kind of two dimensional like I was watching a tv screen with my eyes
It's trauma induced you'll come out of it
>>17731194
Unless you can ''afford it'' it will just mess your life up. Its usually not worth it.
Are you willing to stop being you?
>>17729512
>>17731384
Use Peumus boldus to protect the liver, it's rumored to cause infertility, but I bet you bastards don't care.
My whole life i've had moments where I just de-attach from reality and have to actively search through my brain for information like what is my name
It's been happening since I was super young and it happens extremely infrequently now, maybe once a year. Weird thing is it happened to me maybe an hour ago
It never lasts for more than 2 or 3 minutes but it's almost like I start watching myself from another perspective.
>>17734540
this is a good description of what I meant in the above post
I have one really vivid memory of it from when I was 8-9 in the school yard but it's so difficult to explain
Before my diagnosis I used to see a bizzare and sad world when I would come out from buildings or my house after a long work sessions
Also, I used to see things 'divided', by separate parts. I.e.: I saw a tree in three parts: trunk, branches and leaves and not as a whole single tree
It was truly traumatizing
I have strong dissociation. Grew up with a psychotic father, daily hostile and screaming arguments between him and my mother/us about anything you can fathom, virtually every form of torture with the exception of physical, for the first nineteen years of my life. As a result, I have PTSD--of which dissociation is a symptom of--among other disorders and, for lack of a better term, I am rather dead inside. No stimuli really enthralls or affects me. At its worst, I lose the ability to feel like I exist.
Not sure what else to add. I can answer questions if anybody has any. One interesting thing I have noticed is that whenever I lose sobriety (as an example: if I'm very drunk or very high), I still retain self-awareness of my actions and behavior so I can control them and make sure I don't do anything stupid or out-of-the-ordinary. I never feel that I can completely "cut loose".
>>17727823
yeah, it was like seeing everything from behind my body.
like, i started feeling like my body was not truly mine anymore but just a shell to contain me, my name felt weird and foreign and "not mine" as well. My identity and life felt like very blurry concepts.
like i said this only happened to me as a child, i've been feeling at home in my skin ever since.
>>17725502
any depersonalization/derealisation is mkultra
any migraines/depression/disconnected feelings/mental illness is mk ultra
daz aliens are here
NSA whistle blower claims she was Matrix Mind controlled and NSA knows of no program that does it
http://www.washingtonsblog.com/2016/04/nsa-whistleblower-karen-stewart-speaks-candidly-illegal-criminal-nsa-fbi-programs-organized-stalking-electronic-harassment-usa-abroad.html
i lost the link of the ex-cia agent on youtube admitting there is global mind control, it was an ex-cia and a swede talking about it.
Dr Robert Duncan, ex DOD guy says global mind control exists
http://www.drrobertduncan.com/
Phil Schneider ex Navy says blue aliens live underground
youtube phil schneider
Paul Hellyer ex Sec Def Canada tesifies USA is allied with aliens (but they arent)
youtube Paull hellyer testimony / paul hellyer full disclosure
my videos. some data nobody is saying
youtube 'aman apeman'
>>17731443
this guy knows what's up. in addition to alan watts i'd recommend robert anton wilson. pretty sure they were actually friends back in the day
a while ago I was on prozac for a few months. during that time I lost my judgment and ability to focus. I couldn't make any decisions, could barely order a meal at a sandwich shop. it was hard to drive because I couldn't process what was happening around me well. when I was coming up on it, I felt like my brain was being flattened and torn in half over many weeks. anxiety was high because I could tell I was losing it but couldn't figure out what to do about it because I couldn't think clearly at all anymore. the doctor laughed and said to just give it some more time, but it only ever got worse. it felt like my "self" was being shoved off to the side somewhere and replaced with a big void. I imagine the experience is similar to dementia. made me feel really bad for kids and inpatients who are forced to take antidepressants and shit. I know some people who are helped a lot by psych drugs and that's great, but if they make you feel like you're being slowly, progressively destroyed, or like your personality is being suppressed, please stop taking them, or taper off if you're on a high dose. I wish I had quit sooner and dread to think what I'd be like now if I hadn't. shit basically ruined a year of my life for nothing.
>>17725502
Unfortunately.
>>17734757
>feeling sad must be a government conspiracy
take some responsibility you dumb fuck
caused by weed, ruined my teenage years, brought me to alcoholism, I understand if I were a monk in Tibet in the 1200 it would of been helpful to the awakening process but to get this (without understanding what is it) here stuck in this shithole in the 2000 with u shitty people it surely isn't the best time to have it
>>17735961
EDIT: it lasted about 3 years then developed into SAD, now with the 12 step program of aa I am able to live with it, it is actually some type of asset but can for sure be a liability if I'm not carefull with my toughts
Is it just me or when it goes away and I don't think about it things get better? I mean, I've been fine for the last two weeks and with this thread I started to think about it again an more and more introusive toughts came by, basicly it triggered itself
>>17729512
R.I.P Lemmy
I'm not sure when I started to feel this way, but over the course of the past few weeks, months at that it has gotten worse.
It feels as though you aren't there. You are a shadow. Most thoughts feel foreign. I've gone to work and "woken" up at lunch feeling as though I haven't been there very long. Auto-pilot is a great way of defining DP.
You guys are a bunch of navel-gazing pussy NEETS.
Protip: Get off your fucking asses, go outside, ride a bike, then drink a bottle of crystal clear purified water.
Stop being pussies. Ok? Thanks.
Any of tall have erectile dysfunction
>>17736734
>Any of tall have erectile dysfunction
>>17725590
Your weed was cut with something else.
>>17736752
Excuse me "yall"
>>17736414
This.
>>17725512
What started this, anon? I'm really curious.
>>17733423
Any experiences that came with the problem of not being able to properly make facial expressions, anon? I'm curious about anything you have to say about the topic.
>>17725502
When I stop drinking for longer than 7 days, when I wake up first thought is, wow I'm in this skin again. I also get this feeling throughout the day.
some of u just sound shizo
>>17725502
I didn't know what this was until I looked it up a second ago. I don't have this disorder, but I do have these weird moments every now and then where I feel totally different from myself and that I feel more like an outsider looking rather than just myself doing my thing; it's especially weird when I get that feeling and I'm looking at myself in a mirror. It only lasts for maybe five seconds and occurs maybe once a month at most, but it's definitely an odd feeling to say the least.
You faggots need to go get an MRI or CT of your heads. Some unusual experiences are from brain bleeds or tumors. Also from too much drugs or psychological mental disorders. Don't be a nigger. Talk to your doctor.
>>17737532
>Don't be a nigger. Talk to your doctor.
7/10
>>17725512
Hi op
>>17737567
That reminds me of "Doctors Without Diplomas"
I don't know if this applies to the thread, but I often experience that when I'm looking in the mirror, instead of seeing myself it's like I'm looking at a stranger. Fucked up.
Anxiety sufferer here. I've had derealisation for years, since I was a kid. I mostly started to notice the feeling when I was around 5 or 6 years old - way before I knew about my anxiety. Thinking about it, even then I had symptoms of it. Sometimes when I sat still for a long time or if I felt particularly stressed, things would start to feel false. I can't really explain how, though, because I don't know how to explain it. It's like everything around you is too big but too small at the same time, or like things are really close but really far. Another thing I noticed was time would seem to speed up or slow down - not like 'oh wow today went really quickly', more like reality was fastforwarding before entering eyes. People would seem to speak quickly, and super slowly, but at the same time.
It hasn't been so bad since I got therapy for anxiety as a teen, although it seems to be coming back recently.
Ask me anything, since I do have a lot of experience with this, so much so I'd struggle to summarise it more than I have here.
>>17725585
I had/have had anxiety for around 8 years now. The best way I personally found was to face what you're afraid of in small doses. Anxiety is based around fear, or course. For example, if you're afraid of spiders, perhaps you were bitten by one once. So you'd start out simply by watching videos of spiders, or just watching them on webs. Where you don't have to hang around, and if it gets too much, you can stop. Then move on to something else that scares you. You might ask a friend to hold a spider for you so you can see it. Of course, it's helpful if they respect the fear you have and don't do dumb things like trying to put it on you because that only makes the anxiety worse.
Then you'd move on to a bigger task. Perhaps you'd hold the spider for yourself, or you'd put it on your arm or something. Eventually you learn that whatever you're afraid of actually won't harm you at all, and the anxiety around the idea goes away.
Of course, you can apply this to any fear based anxiety - public speaking, exam stress, job interviews, whatever. If you need more info, pop me a reply and I'll answer your questions or go Google 'exposure therapy'.
>>17725502
Yeah, it's called ketamine.
>>17734667
This
>>17730272
This is a theory I have been entertaining lately and it seems to make more sense. I have been having trouble relating to my body or my hands feel foreign at times. It's becoming apparent the enlightened side of people is coming into play and and as well, ascension.
>>17738742
It's one of the symptoms. Everytime I look into a mirror there's a new 'me', it really messes with my head constantly.
>>17728276
How?
>>17730553
This is it
>>17736414
80% of you in this thread don't have it, lol. You're just having existential crises. Be thankful you don't have to truly deal with it.
I have schizoid personality disorder (covert), and when I'm stressed I'm prone to depersonalization episodes which usually last 1-5 hours. I believe it is a coping method, for me. But it's terrible. Trying to work while you feel like you're dreaming is hard shit. Your motor function is impaired. You're easily confused. You have speech issues. You forget what you were doing or what you are supposed to do. Most people don't know what depersonalization is, so I let them assume I'm just being stupid and clumsy.
>>17738788
This is actually a great description of how it feels, especially how it begins.
>>17725572
What the fuck. You just described me to a t. You're not alone anon. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Go see a doctor. Antidepressants helped me a bit.
>>17739918
>I have no personality traits
>Whoa that sounds just like me
>>17739918
What's your problem nigger
Honestly guys/gals...i have a feeling like this. Like why do we HAVE to work and make money. Why do we live on this planet/plane. Why are we here. Why are we LITERALLY floating brains. Its wierd. I feel like an alien.
I didnt think it would be difficult to describe but it is. Very strange.
I just think God is something we cant comprehend. Like some GIANT space engineering or a race of ultra smart engineers(Prometheus). I have wiers feelings. I feel like this reality is more than meets the eye.
I want to be "enlightened".
>>17736763
Been thinking the same. My friend came back from the coffeeshop with a "pure" joint, so with no tabacco in it, "just weed".
Lets leave this fake universe together
>>17725502
I have experienced very profound derealisation a few times over the past 20 years. Usually it lasts a couple of weeks. When i distract myself and just fully engage with life and feel the full range of emotions (love, anger, etc., not just fear), it passes.
I have triggers and am most susceptible when anxious, but most of the time i cant even think myself into derealisation (and i have tried on occasion).
It's really a symptom of anxiety, so best to treat it that way and deal with it appropriately. For panic attacks, xanax was a miracle. I sometimes take phenibut for anxiety.
>Be me 14 or 15 years old
>at a Summer Camp for smart kids
>Very last day and we're all snuggled into one college room to sleep for the night, just for fun
>I'm laying down on a cot surrounded by people, talking quietly across the room with my buddy Ashton
>Suddenly, out of the blue, I feel like I'm being washed away by a stream
>I feel weird as fuck and I've never experienced it before in my life
>I didn't realize it at the time but that "anchored" feeling you have inside you was completely gone
>I talk to him about it not really aware of how weird it's gotta sound
>justgotosleep.k
>I wake up in the morning still feeling off
>Months pass and I've lost awareness of how empty I feel
>Our school's scheduled trip for Washington DC comes and goes
>I felt completely depersonalized the whole trip
>At some point I notice that my sense of smell is also completely gone except for when a scent is really strong or just under my nose
>The amazing trip passes with me hardly having any solid memories of the time I spent there
>A whole year passes, somethings still wrong
>Three years pass, still depersonalized
>I can't get mental healthcare because of the cost in America
>Every sinus medication I've ever tried wont return my nearly gone sense of smell
I feel terrible, anons. I try to remain optimistic, and some days I even get moments of clarity where I can smell and feel good, but they only last ten or less minutes and they occur over months. I've never taken any serious drugs, only painkillers after the Washington trip for a surgery I had to get on my pectus excavatem. I've lost my faith in religion and everything over this.
>>17736763
this, weed actually helps me a lot with my anxiety and schizo thoughts but the shit I smoke is almost always something homegrown and not treated with fucking chemicals and shit, grown with love, not chemistry
If you smoked a lot in your life, and I did and still do you can tell exactly when the weed is ok and when it was treated with something
Grown with love.. Weed. Gotta smoke it.
>>17734667
This, almost the exact fucking story and now I've been living with this fucker for 8 months in Germanstan cause work and he provides housing, also hes not at home a lot and I work from home... Made enough money to go back (Croatia) and I'm going in 5 days, fucking counting.
Eversince I'm around this stupid fucking nigger my anxiety has gotten to the point where I have days where I completely cannot function and just wait for them to pass or get drunk and pass out...
Its other people being shitsmearing faggots that fuck eventually fuck you up, especially if its early childhood trauma and shit, so if you ever have kids try not to be a nigger.
I know its stupid to blame your own shit on others but after a good analysis of things and experience I know thats what fucked me up the most. Also, when the nigger comes home from the very moment he walks in the door he starts yelling about stupid shit and idiots fucking his life up or at me for petty minor bullshit, always agressive and throws shit around the house usually and shit... Idiot fucked his whole life up, lost wife and daughter for acting like a nigger (they split, sis fucked him off completely and I'm all hes "got") and can't cope with it properly so he smears his shit all over others...
>>17725561
This was me before /pol/
>>17725512
Same here. I'm hardly even a person anymore.
>>17735618
Radio/micro waves are proven to affect a persons emotions. It's not much of a government conspiracy electric currents, your TV, microwave, fridge etc bombard you with those waves constantly and the government is completely aware of it. Not claiming you don't know shit but you just don't know enough.
>>17743293
kek, I know, right
What should one do if their derealization isnt caused by anxiety or drugs? Anxiety literally has no effect on it, and ive never even smoked weed. The derealization is just constantly there
>>17743293
So just to clarify you got subconsciously programmed to follow someone else's agenda, or view of reality?
I don't know, I had a bad experience with an edible months back, still do the marry j but I've found that now and then I'll feel the sense of derealization.
I recall I was standing in my living room talking to a friend, I stared at him but I felt nothing..
I looked around and everything seemed fake. I didn't know what was happening. I went to bed feeling empty, almost in a zen like state of detachment from everything.
The next morning I woke up and it clicked, I told myself, "It's derealiation...it's happening to me."
Then I looked around the house for a few minutes trying to think of something to make me cry, I couldn't cry. Nothing seemed to matter to me not even my loved ones. I thought of every human as an animal doing it's own thing and I was just a cameraman.
sorry if this seems like a tl;dr
I'm high af right now typing away.
yeah... years of dxm abuse = lingering depersonalization
it's been 3 years since my last dose and I still get episodes
>>17725645
Lol I was about to say the same thing. Just last night I had a DR thing in the McDonald's drive-thru, but I just calmed my shit cause I had to at least give the nice woman at the window my debit card like a normal person. Couldn't have happened at a worse time, but s'all good.
>>17725558
try reading experience of enlightenment form U.G. Krishnamurti, i believe it will help you understand situation you are in.
>>17725512
youre not alone always remember that. thats what gets me through tough days
I used to feel suddenly like I wasn't really in my body, it was like I was someplace else, usually a place that I've been before. It used to last for a few seconds but shit felt awful. It ocurred unexpectedly and i any place but mostly when I was alone.
It stopped happening about when I was 16 yo, when I started drinking, smoking and going to parties with friends.
>>17725590
this is exactly what happened to me. thing is i did it a couple times after that. they went fine until the last time where i had a fullon psychotic attack with visual and audio hallucinations. it was really really fucked up and i wouldnt wish this upon anyone. i would keep away from it fampai
>>17725558
stop taking drugs, the idea of a functional junkie is cute but false
>>17725512
try taking lsd. it helped me see my subconscious and connect again with my true self.
>>17725596
Same here. Sometimes I'd try to induce it by staring into a mirror. What could that mean?
thread music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gkibxWr0DY
Thank God I'm not the only one who gets that feeling when he looks at the mirror.
It used to happen pretty often when I was a kid, I recall that it made me really sad, almost painful. I kinda stopped staring at myself in the mirror cause of that.
It rarely ever happens now but I'm sure it would if I tried. I once asked my psychologist about it and I was told it has to do with your personality and that most people only experience this once in their life.
>>17728831
I'd say I'm here right now. Especially with the 'medicines' bit
i had depersonalization i just couldn't believe my mirror reflection was really me
it was gone for a while until i got way too high on the subway and had a really intense panic attack.
came back a bit but i've just chocked it up to anxiety being scared of having another panic attack
been having them lately
weed isn't fun anymore... just makes me too aware of my sensations and panicky
constantly analyzing everyhting i percieve to make sure i'm not going crazy/having a psychotic episode
can't leave the house except to go to work... feel panicky/anxious/like lifes a dream if i go into public for groceries or lunch
hopefully the anti-depressants kick in soon and help me out just had my first session with a psychologist too so i'm interested in seeing where that goes
>Constantly thinking that this reality is false
>Everything is pointless
>Everything is fake
I also have visual snow and tinnitus so fuck me. Unrelated but I also randomly have what I believe to be out of the body experiences a couple of times a year. I'd basically be really tired and go to my bed to lay down but then all of a sudden I'm standing up and everything in my room looks lighter and everything feels more real. I get scared whenever that happens and immediately wake up though. Does anyone know if that's an out of the body?
>>17749966
dude i'm this guy >>17749247
and let me tell you my visual snow has been a lot worse lately
sometimes i see red dots moving in a line like ants across the center of my vision as well... i have to always have lights on now or else all i can notice is my visual snow
i even see it on my tv or monitor which never happened before
>>17725502
I had my first derealisation experience after I first tried salvia. I genuinely believe that herbal drugs can't hurt you and it's only the synthetic drugs that will kill you. After my experience, I don't really know what to think of it, but I stay away from salvia now.
>smoke salvia on the beach with now-husband
>I trip balls, keep insisting that I need to touch the water and the sand and everything
>I get annoyed at how sticky the sand and the ocean water left my hands
>felt the same crankiness that I felt when I was a child
>this feeling bothered me immensely because I knew I was a brat when I was a child
>I caught myself being a bitch, tried shaking it off
>that's when it happened
>I observed myself, it that made any sense
>I literally felt so detached from my emotions, my body and the ground beneath my feet felt so unreal
>it's that feeling when you feel "ungrounded", like gravity got lighter on you
>I doubted everything I see, I didn't think any of it was real but I wasn't adamant about this thought
>after the trip, this feeling persisted for at least a month
I feel more "grounded" now, sometimes it still hits me but all I have to do is to turn on some myopic, political Youtube talking-head so I can bring my level of thinking down. I learned that if I think in a specific directions, the feeling goes away
>>17725502
Whenever anything even slightly traumatic happens,
>bad exam
>argument with girlfriend
>get hurt (dislocated shoulder)
>etc...
I suddenly just disassociate and stop feeling it and it's as if I'm answering like a robot.
I feel like I' above it, like someone playing a video game and it's not real.
Is that what you're talking about?
>>17725502
had it for years, I have no hope left
I have severe anxiety, so it's almost a given.
>>17725502
>>>17725502
>... person I'm talking to […].
>I don't bathe, brush my teeth, or care about much of anything anymore.
That poor fucking person has to smell your nasty shit? Brush your teeth or don't talk to anyone.
>>17729512
My nigga
>Was smoking some Salvia 80x
>Was drinking some Boone's Farm
>Got up to go to the bathroom
>Felt like I was trapped inside of my head
>Similar to OP's photo
>Body is running on auto-pilot and something else is controlling me
>I am scared and screaming for them to stop it
>Finally they let go
>Voice's tell me not to play with fire anymore
>>17751194
YO! I just now read that you must have got that Shaman ass shit like me too!
>>17725502
sometimes when i see people i know, time seems to distort and then i doubt i know them, i think my brain tricks me into recognizing them
or sometimes when people do strange things i doubt they're really happening
it's extremely stressfull
>>17734667
>>17743008
Guys are you me? stay strong, we gonna make it
One time I did LSD and when I closed my eyes I saw myself looking at me like we were having a conversation, and I looked exactly the same as I actually did (same hat, beard, clothes etc)
I have a lot of undiagnosed mental issues, but none of them actually make my life difficult enough to bother diagnosing or medicating.
When I was little, I would lie in bed and remember my day, and the memories woould often get so real that I had to open my eyes to remember that I wasn't actually experiencing it
Flash forward to high school. I didn't know what depersonalization was, or that there was a word for it, so I didn't bother trying to tell/explain it to anyone. It felt like it did when I was little, that I was caught up in a memory that got too real, but I couldn't open my eyes to end it. It was a weird midpoint, where things felt "real", like they actually happened, but they weren't happening to me in the moment I perceived them.
It gradually happened less and less, and now it only happens very mildly, and very infrequently. I only really thought back on it when I took shrooms for the first time recently, and the intense dissociation felt like it did back in high school.
If anyone has any thoughts on this, I'd like to hear them, I never told anyone about this.
>>17742650
http://catholicexchange.com/mother-teresas-long-dark-night
I hope this can provide some kind of relief. A thing called the 'dark night of the soul' is a common experience among the saints of Christianity.
