Beginning with the classic,
The last man on Earth sits alone in a room. There's a knock at the door.
Picture cheesy, but incredibly related
OP sits in a room alone. But who was phone?
The doctor says my surgery went very well. I just wish I could remember what the procedure was for.
I remember my wife's final words before commiting suciide by jumping off the blacony.
"Please don't chuck me off the balcony" as I chucked her off the balcony.
Authorities don't know I chucked her off the balcony
>>17576900
>"studio"
nice "english" skills you've acquired
I woke up to wet licking on my cheek. My dog died a week ago.
>>17576857
>>17576860
>>17576863
>>17576888
>>17576890
>>17576900
>>17576924
Jesus Christ, when did /x/ become so satiricle
>>17576961
>satiricle
Spell-check, a technology wasted on Millennials as they never knew how to spell the words right to begin with.
>>17576924
Sorry to hear your wife committed suicide, bro. Tragic.
The hookman scrapped his hook sadistiically on the car as the doo-wop music filled the air, Mary-Sue "M.S." Garland was sitting in the passenger seat.
The hookman got his hook caught as the bf drove off after taking a pis as he stroked his hook in the dooor and the car ripped off his hand and he screamed and started to cry to the ground "OH MUH GAWD, OH MY GAWDD"
The hookman got medical attention and no one knew hje was the hookman and he fell into a depression and wanted to kill again but his face was bleached white and he burnt his eyelids off after fighting the orderly's by snapping their arms and punching them in the heart until they coughed up blood.
>>17576971
Fuck off, I know what I meant
Satirical + particle = Satiricle
/x/philes are seemingly being pumped with Satiricles lately, satire particles
Jerking off and putting glass jar into ass.
Get it in there and then here a loud snap.
Poo glass.
>>17577010
>Satire Particles
John pondered on why he could do it perfectly when he was alone, but when people were watching he became clumsy.
Then John was a zombie.
After an hour at the party, I was relieved to finally be introduced to someone who also likes horror movies.
"I thought the movie was lysergic and Lovecraftian." he said in a thick Italian accent.
>>17577133
how horrifying
>>17577010
>Satire particles
Best thing I've seen on /x/ in over a week
Not 2 lines but keep going, it went something like this:
>It was dinner time and I got into some discussion with my dad because I drank all the beer.
>He was an asshole anyway.
>The argument escalated so, me being a teenager, I decided to leave the house in a rage just for the night. Since I didn't have any money for a motel or anything I just grabbed my sleeping bag and decided to spend the night in an abandoned house just a few blocks away from mine.
>Like I said I was a teenager, so I was also a retard.
But it was a just a few blocks so I thought it would be ok being my neighborhood and shit.
>Got to the second floor of the abandoned house and decided to sleep fast. Shit was comfy as fuck, I rolled myself like a bug in a cocoon.
>Some time later I woke up in the middle of the night to a sound and sensation.
>My sleeping bag was getting wet all over my face
>Hear a male giggling.
>A MOTHERFUCKING HOBO WAS PEEING ON ME FOR FUCKS SAKE
>Jumped out of the sleeping bag screaming like a lunatic
>Kick his shit bretty gud but still scared
>Run back home like a faggot
>Next day
>"Hey little shit, go back there and pick up the sleeping bag. It's worth more than you."
>Go back there grumbling
>Pick up wet sleeping bag
>Smells funny but not like pee
>mfw it was covered in kerosene
Girl hears her mother call her name and begins running.
The mother, exiting her bedroom, says in a panicked whisper, "Stop! I heard it, too!"
>>17576853
Donald Trump wins presidency. Immediately derps out.
I put my daughter into her crib and smiled down at her. She smiled back and gurgled,"Father."
His skin had a certain gummy stoicism, a permeable membrane that stretched morbidly like damp paper beneath the fading and flickering neon light. Orbs of glistening tar gleamed beneath each aquamarine pulse, set deep in a face writhing with ravenous horror.
>>17577685
Forgot pic
>>17577688
Also the rest ayy lmao
His body moved formlessly, a mass of bulbous sinew, translucent, boiling in and out of shape - a twisted and contracting abomination that oozed between each shroud of darkness ushered in by the failing light. Each step only conceivable by its sound; the wet crackle and grinding of eggs underfoot, accompanied by a rasping gurgle and the splatter of drool on tarmac that battered the silence like a hailstorm.
Not a horror story, but something i heard a long time ago that i liked.
>Everything living is dying.
>Everything dying is dead.
A man is waiting to see his son birth. However, the baby was black
Every point in space and time exists infinitely to an infinite number of observers and you only know they exist when they change to your perception. Have you ever wondered how your reality is fabricated?
I always wake up to the sound of my daughter crying in the middle of the night. I keep going to her grave and begging her to stop, but she never does.
>>17576900
there's a finite amount of energy in the universe and you actually blew some of it on writing this?
Open this thread on /x/. Nothing but fags.
>>17577772
Kek7
I tried spirituality once...Hi
>>17577764
energy can't be created or destroyed.
>>17577839
oh shut up you idiot
>>17576853
Goodbye mission control. Thank you for trying.
"Babe, I love you the way my friends of the one true clan anonymous love saving lives everyday.."
"I lov-"
"Anon we should talk..."
His reflection on the mirror surface was a little distorted.
Then his shadow took a bite.
My grandma's funeral was today. She's not even dead yet!!!
woke up checked my phone and there was a photo of me sleeping ... only thing is I live alone
I kissed grandma in the mouth. Now i'm banned from my family's funerals.
My truest fear is not death.
But what I will do when I get there.
They were warned about turning it on.
The roar of complete destruction muffles the screams of extinction.
For sale: baby shoes, worn once. Feet still attached.
They were the sweetest women a man could ask for.
How could I not take a bite?
>>17576853
250 word essay. Due next week.
A note slid under my door. Trouble is, it's the closet door.
>>17577889
Oh I like this one
Is it relevant to Crime Sentence?
All the children cried the day I burned the dolls.
They didn't know that while everyone was asleep, I wasn't the one moving them around at night.
>>17577743
Under rated post
I burnt it. It didn't die.
>>17576961
When the disinfo squad hit.
>>17577010
its late, so i had to whisper my witch cackle, and now my throats fucked.
>>17577676
No.
Fuck no.
"Watching his body sink to the bottom of the lake was the worst experience of my life, officer. How can you possibly believe I killed my own brother?"
>>17578740
I like this one.
>>17578740
Was it a wasp? I bet it was a wasp.
>>17576912
Woah, this is actually pretty good.
>>17576947
Pretty good, reminds me of the humans can lick too story. In real life though, your two sentance story would be scarier than all hell
Think most of this is tl;dr. Realize you're failure in life.
>>17577889
…and the stars look verys different today.
I put down my phone somewhere in my house and couldn't find it. I decided to ring my phone and someone answered.
/x/ was taken down years ago.
>>17579269
Then who was post?!
>>17578458
>250 words
Thats the easiest paper ever. It should be over how big of a fag you are.
>>17578740
>I killed it, it didn't die
>>17576890
I hate corn moths.
Apple is much better.
>>17577839
No, but expending it generally turns it into useless heat. The amount of energy available for work decreases.
>>17578428
Now THIS is terrifying.
>>17576853
Empty coffin found.
>>17577214
good one
>>17579297
Anon, you fell for it. 250 word essay is an old meme
"Don't worry about monsters under the bed...", Mum said, tucking me in to sleep. "..It's the ghost paedophiles you wanna look out for. Night son.. don't let the pedo-ghost bite..".
Then she was gone. Darkness.
the last balloon animal sits in a room. A clown car pulls up.
>>17577697
>>17577685
someone bought their first thesaurus. How cute.
I remember how terrible things used to be.
Luckily, everything has gotten better since the government developed replaceable memories!
>>17580589
/x/
Where words with more than two syllables make you an elitist
>>17576853
>open the door, get on the floor
>everbody walk the dinosaur
>>17580612
desu
>>17577685
>>17577685
was being deliberately over complicated with his words for humor value
>>17577676
Someone explain this
>>17578464
Under rated
you're the father.
>>17580622
I'm gonna assume you speak another language natively. Babies young enough to be in cribs can't say that complex of a word - it'd be like 'da' or something, even 'dad' would be a stretch. Clearly something is wrong if babby is saying that.
>>17580651
Fucking kek to the highest degree please post more memes like this
>>17580663
if you say so
>>17578458
Are you under 18 or something?
>>17579057
Explain?
>>17577451
Everyones heard this shitty story fuck off
>>17580798
He did better than you because he contributed something.
Seeing my wife die in my arms was scary.seeing her decaying fingers tap on my bedroom window the following night was even scarier.
Don't go into your bathroom tonight.
I am taking a shit for god's sake.
>>17577651
18spoppee93me
>>17577010
>Anon, I'm late. No, the other late.
You are not the father. However, the court has deemed you are a "father-figure" and is still requiring you to pay child support.
>>17577010
Grant Morrison!
>>17580882
JUST
>>17580798
I kekd so hard i think the neighbours heard.
I like you, anon.
>>17576947
Even spookier when you consider how the dog might have died
As I relaxed on my tattered couch, tired from the party I had to celebrate my divorce, My heart nearly stopped when I heard "Honey, I'm home!"
I FORGOT ABOUT THE OTHER ONE!
a man and his girl go out to drive under moonlight. they stop at one at a side of road. he turn to his girl and
says:
"baby, i love u very much"
"what is it honey?"
"our car is broken down. i think the engine in broken. ill walk and get some more fuel."
"ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news reports of steres being stolen"
"good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty"
so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours the girl say "where is my baby, we was supposed to
be back by now" . then the girl here a scratching sound and a voice say "LET ME IN"
the girl doesnt do it and then after a while she goes to sleep. the next morning she wakes up and finds
her boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and a man door hand hook car door.
>>17581074
> she gets out to check and a man door hand hook car door.
>and a man door hand hook car door
>>17577732
>>17581074
>she gets out to check and a man door hand hook car door
>>17581074
This one gets me in tears fucking christ lmao
>>17581072
Are you 12? Do you know what site you're using?
>hey gaiz i jus saw'd dis video call 2 girlz 1 cup dunt tel nebody bout it soups sekret
>>17581149
>Do you know what site you're using? Yeah, /x/ on 4chan.
Not /b/.
>>17581074
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0xcHlUVQiar
>>17581198
10/10
>>17581072
Nigger we have all seen that shit before
>>17581074
All of my wut
>>17581166
>implying anybody here didn't get here from /b/
>>17578464
2spooky
>>17577214
why not
>>17578317
Like this one
>>17579034
this ones my favorite
>>17581074
>love you sweaty
>>17580622
The mother was putting the baby to sleep.
>>17577651
That first sentence was spooky enough
>>17577133
That's very arcane and obscure reference
>>17581198
Mind if I give animating this a shot?
>>17576924
10/10
As I inspected the open window I heard my phone ring from my bedroom. As I ran to my room to get my phone I realised my phone was in my pocket.
>>17577889
nice
>>17580618
Underrated post
"Hello i'm your friend, but i dont look or sound quite the same"
"Dont worry about it"
One night, The front door opens, no one is there...
The authorities find no survivors oc the family of ten, as they investigate the bloodstained den, with what appear to be touge marks all over the wooden floor
>>17577889
ohhhh that's a good one.
i think i'm being too scary imma give yall nightmares, haha ^_^"
While tucking my son into bed for the night he asked, "Daddy, can you check under the bed for monsters?"
Smiling, and just to humor him, I crouched down to take a look, only to see my son cowering under the bed in fear as he whispered, "Daddy, there's someone in my bed!"
The longer I wore it the more it grew on me.
She had such lovely skin.
A babysitter is babysitting for a family as the parents are gone away for a show.
When it's the children's bedtime, the dad gets a call.
"The children are too frightened to sleep. Can I cover up the creepy clown statue?" The father replies "Get out of the house. We don't have a statue"
When they get home they couldn't see the babysitter or their children. The father opened the front door and a skeleton popped out.
>>17581787
>arcane
You mean archaic?
All I'm thinking about now is that my dog is very cute. It keeps scratching at the door since it wants to come inside my room too. But I'm just hugging my dog to distract myself, because I don't want to open the door.
As the velocirapers closed in on me, i was grateful when herd of trexes showed up and gobbled them up in moments.... Then they looked at me
What did the sea monster say to the overcrowded cruise ship?
Nothing, but there was a crunching sound
I spoke to my wife this evening in the kitchen. I wouldn't mind so much, if it weren't for the fact that I had killed her in the morning so in order for me to have seen her she would have to be a ghost unless it was just her dead body.
"Welcome to hell"
"Can i get a cup of ice water? ...a thimble?"
>>17576853
How do you stop your girlfriend to stop smoking?
>slow down and use lube anon
>>17582941
"IT BURNS...IIT BBURNSS...."
but the fire was in his mind?
>>17582941
oh i get joke. Is that a ghost came and had sexy wit him? that is very spooky haha! :)
i am not a big engli speak but you have certain scare me out of my scare skin
>>17579117
was it your mom?
>>17579286
an alcohol
>>17580882
I came home to see my wife holding our baby girl.
I don't know what scares me more, seeing my dead wife and stillborn child, or knowing someone put them in my apartment while i was out.
>>17582715
lol
Quit my job as a nightwatch at the local mortuary.
The sounds of deep breathings were driving me crazy.
>>17582878
2spoopy4me
>>17581074
this is amazing 10/10
>>17580832
>decaying
>the following night
nigga what
>>17581074
>i love you sweaty
>>17582710
My favourite
>>17578740
CD's never die bruh
>>17576853
"Bend the fuck over." I reply yes ma'am.
>>17577214
>I'm homeless and sleeping in an alleyway when a man starts pissing on me, I tell him to fuck off and he runs.
>I smell my sleeping bag, it was lighter fluid.
>>17580589
>Well hooow-deee there mr. Fancy words usin' man. We don't takes kindly to folks what use big words n' all here. Why don't you take yer theosoreis and get back to the big city where y'all belong ya hear?
The paramedic came home from a particularly awful shift, consisting of golf balls stuck in anuses and dead children. As he entered the home he shared with his wife, he saw it-a pair of underwear with menstrual blood on them.
>>17576912
bretty good
>>17577214
heard this before, still good though
>>17580869
3spoooy5me
I woke up late in the day. But it's still dark out.
>>17581074
>and a man door hand hook car door.
My daughter always wakes me up in the night.
"Daddy are you there"
Then I remembered she was at grandmas for the holidays.
>>17576853
Daddy meet my new boyfriend! His name is Tyrone.
>>17576853
Son... come over here I have something to tell you.
"Get lost old man, you ain't my daddeh
>>17582890
who comes into a place and asks for a drink without even saying hello to the host? just because you're in hell doesn't mean you get to be rude.
THIS THREAD Has EPIC Content!
...the fucking shills ruined it
>>17583338
Laughed substantially more than I should have.
>>17584163
your mom has epic content
She pulled down her underpants. I asked him to leave
A man driving through Nevada sees a bright light in the road up ahead and blacks out instantly.
Disoriented, he checks the time and, realizing only a half hour had passed since he last checked the time, he continues driving down the heavily-wooded road.
>>17584449
Okay that was uncalled for. I'm getting goosebumps from that.
>>17584452
I'm not getting this one.
"Please welcome President Sanders"
>>17577856
>He's never seen the scene in SLC Punk where that concept is philosophically and logically proven.
>>17578313
>>17578395
>>17578636
Underrated posts are underrated
>>17580609
My favorite
>>17581074
>All these replies to three week old, stale as fuck, mold-beginning-to-form-on-it pasta
Newfags, I swear.
>>17577010
First 'little lone spooky' now this
>>17584473
That's one sentence
>>17584455
It's a sort of riddle, I came up with it on the fly. But there are paranormal implications. Think about it. I'm very limited in the amount of clues I'm allowed to give in 2 sentences.
The slabs I bought for the walkway in my garden were rather dull, flat, and rectangular, so I laid them down quickly, since I was slightly drunk. Once I had put down the last one, I was sick to my stomach, but not because of the drunkeness; I had put the last stone down on my foot.
>>17584526
Some of these are hard to tell if they're jokes or very subtle.
>>17584498
>First 'little lone spooky' now this
see; >>17583638
>>17584512
Is it the sun setting that's the light and he goes to sleep because it's late or is it a car that hits him?
>>17584455
Nevada is a desert. Neighboring counties are also semi-barren, the closest heavily forested areas are farther then you can go in half an hour
>>17584542
I'll give you one more hint and if you don't respond to this post with an "a-ha!" or something similar in ~5 minutes, I'll spill the beans.
There are four crucial pieces of information, two in the first sentence, two in the second sentence. Almost every word is crucial, I didn't embellish the story for immersion at all. Something you might interpret as a meaningless description is very important.
It might be harder to understand if you don't have knowledge of America and its landscape.
>>17584550
Winrar. The implication is an alien abduction, because he traveled from a desert road to a "heavily-wooded" road in 30 minutes after blacking out.
>>17584553
He's not in Nevada anymore. P cool.
>>17582715
>touge
I fucking hate touges anon, always leaving their marks in my den.
>>17584558
Sort of like a fucked up Wizard of Oz.
Missing time scares the fuck out of me.
>>17584553
>>17584550
Thanks. I feel like an idiot for completely overlooking the few details that ere in there. The funny part is that i watched the pilot for x-files the other day and the exact thing happened and I still didn't consider alien abduction as an answer.
>>17584526
Is this like a Cask of Amontillado type of thing? Drunk idiot traps his foot under a concrete slab and dies? I'm guessing he lives in a rural area.
>>17584605
Yeah I would've made that clearer if I wasn't limited to two sentences. It's a little ambiguous but if there's missing time, traveling impossibly far, a southwestern American setting, and bright lights causing blackouts, you can bet your ass the ayy's are behind it.
>>17584632
I think you provided enough information, I just kinda slipped up. Keep up the good work.
flash flash flasy flashy flash from a machine
"what just happened?"
A knock sounds on the front door at 10 o'clock at night.
When you see the Thing that opens the door gesture for you to enter, you drop the cupcakes you had baked for your neighbors and take off running past the "RECENTLY SOLD" sign you had overlooked on your way over.
Did you hear about the guy who went missing in the Catacombs a few months back?
I've been playing with him the whole time.
I woke up this morning and everything seemed normal...except for deafening silence.
Everyone was still here, but with the blank stare of abysmal depression plastered on our faces.
>>17584637
excellent bravo moar
A virus had taken over NYC and uninfected humans were being loaded into military planes and sent to safe zones; far from their rabid counterparts who, now monstrous, sported talons for fingers, and had blood dripping from their eyes.
On one such plane sits Maggie, her face quickly becomes pallid when a single red tear runs down the cheek of a man in a neighboring seat: the flight is eight hours long.
The crawling sound got closer and closer as the light from the beeswax candle grew ever fainter.
"BLOW IT OUT!" snarls a beastly voice from behind you.
>>17584699
funeral?
>>17584740
Sorry for being a faggot, but I just wrote it with no real concept of what was happening.
>>17584493
More like 3 year old newfriend, unless your baiting in which case
> +1 2 U
>>17584754
Its all good I just assumed it was a riddle. It's still spookier without an actual answer.
>>17576853
Why does no one remember my mothers funeral, when it was only a week ago? Everyone acts like everything is normal, but who is this person that i have to act like i love?
>>17584755
The three week old comment was part of my literal description of stale pasta, not the copypasta. Hey, I just used "literally" correctly for the first time in the history of 4chan.
Also dubs.
The Wicked Fear The Wrath of the Rightous
Did i scare you wicked entities?
>>17584768
Capgrass syndrome. neat
>>17584767
sweet thanks
Im not here for fortune and fame
Instead i fight nobody knows my name
"Im here to destroy the malevolent animals terrorizing the family and the town"
"AHhhhhhHhhHhh"
What's that smell? Oh shit, I pooped.
There once was a man with a plan to help
he succeeded
i walked the cave unarmed i felt a malevolent presence, so i left
....i was followed
I put the barrel of the gun to my mouth and cocked it.
Hopefully it works this time, I'm still sore from the last ten tries.
i signed the malevolent contract and looked down the endless stairwell which had been the subject of my malevolent dreams for the last decade. the not-man upon whom i could not bear to look smiled and asked me if i was ready to begin.
I pushed the door of the entrance to the room aside, and positioned myself on the ground.
I then proceeded to stroll the way of the ancient reptilian.
>>17578317
a mustang?
>>17579444
underrated
also, checked
>>17578458
>250 word essay
>>17577889
>>17578464
>>17582830
>>17584452
Best ones in the thread
In your final moments, as the shadows draw closer and the biting starts, you will remember in your secret heart that it would always be just this way.
>>17584493
But it's funny
I answered the phone and the caller asked if he could have 5 minutes of my life. I said yes, then he hung up.
>>17580834
Fuck I was not prepared
>>17576947
Nah man that's sad. Oh fuck.
>>17583116
WHAT THE FUCK.
>>17584473
Is /pol/ here?
>>17584726
>beastly voice
And now I'm aroused.
>>17585167
Is it this man?
>>17583078
Yes
My dog likes to come scratch at the bedroom door late at night. I used to get up every night and let him in, until he died.
>>17576853
I woke up just in time to see the doctor put down the empty syringe.
"Vaccines," he explained as he put a plaster over the jab in my shoulder.
I awoke as soon as they closed the coffin. It's a shame I lost my voice in the accident.
> 3ish am I wake up to female voice in my ear saying "im going to keep you forever."
>Dog barks at the closed window
True story, senpai
>Taxi commander am saying i short money, i punch face.
>call police and they say "what taxi?".
Image familiar
Sometimes, I like to go to extreme measures in order to prank people. Right now, I've got a guy thinking he's talking to a bunch of different people on an image board, but the only people here are he and I.
>>17576853
One morning I decided to have that leftover mushroom pizza from last night for breakfast.
Halfway through eating it, I remembered that I stored anchovy pizza last week, and that I ordered Chinese takeout last night.
>>17586146
Loved this!
>>17580869
>>Anon, I'm late.
Already 2spoopy4me, don't wanna be a da-
>>No, the other late.
OH FUCK, I'M DATING THE UNDEAD
>>17585080
>>17585131
ONE PUUUUUUUUUUNCH!!!
>>17585913
Is something that morbid really so... unBEARable to you?
I was confused by why my friend texted me to meet him in such a secluded place. My confusion turned to worry when I arrived and he asked "Hey man, why did you want me to meet you all the way out here?"
>>17576947
Kinky
>>17581873
Go ahead friend of :)
its quiet, too quiet
the birds stoppchirping and its midday
At nightfall, I went to feed the goats. It was staring at me.
In 1974, we sent a radio transmission into space detailing the human race, its biology, and the Earth and its location. In 2102, we received a reply: "We're coming home."
>>17581873
Please do it.
Also, is this new pasta?
I looked down at the man laying dead in the road.
It was me.
Went on Jerry...
I am the father.
This is a particularly powerful episode of sleep paralysis I am having right now. Normally I can be calmer by telling myself that it isn't really dangerous, but can I say the same for the burglars who have invaded my house, and may open my bedroom door any second now?
>>17586644
>>17586680
"Daddy!", she shouted. "There's something wrong with mrrrrrfrraaaaarrrrg!!"
>>17580612
>gummy stoicism
>permeable membrane
>aquamarine pulse
That's some awful purple prose, and you aren't smart for liking it.
