Imagine thinking you're in a coma, sort-of matrix style. Your current life is an illusion.
Imagine thinking you're about to wake up to another world, where you're a deity being subdued in an illusion.
Imagine your coma-caretakers trying to calm you down and keep you in your illusion. The way you think has changed, though.
There's nothing they can say to trick you back into thinking like of life as a normality, a reality. They can't lie, only bend the truth. You're smarter now, though.
Meanwhile, the angels (Morpheus style) tell you you can come home to heaven once more by kill yourself. Who do you trust?
Crying, you're told by 'the others' it'll all be okay, as long as you accept to take the medication and let it take effect.
This is the test. You're either breaking or waking up.
If you refuse to take the medication: Either you wake up and face reality, or you lose sense of reality and completely lose your mind.
If you accept the medication: You're stuck in this illusion full of comfort, but destroy your rabbit hole 3 feet from gold. Or you take it and finally relieve yourself of your insanity, little by little.
Is this selling your soul? Is this what happens when you're dumb ass tries searching for the truth? It hits you in the face, and forces you to make a decision?
Your fear/sanity tells you to accept the medication, so you do, you will not lose your mind, you will not kill yourself.
Slowly but surely, everything loses its religiousness, all of it becomes mundane. You feel dumb, simple, but safe.
You lose contact with the angels trying to get you to wake up. You're comforted by your ruler being this reality's bitch forever.
Did you save yourself or kill yourself? Are you free from delusion or forever stuck in delusion.
Did you not have the guts to wake up or were you sane enough to not completely lose your mind.
You lose your track, the rabbit hole is closed, you're normal again.
This is what it feels like to be enlightened / psychotic.
>>17539922
>Imagine thinking you're in a coma, sort-of matrix style. Your current life is an illusion.
Stopped reading there
>>17539922
tl:dr fagget
>>17539922
Everyone has a time to die.
I will let fate decide when I have to face it.
I tried to take my life before and have thought about taking my life daily.
The world is a shitty place, but then I remember the light that each of us carry.
Wisdom, knowledge, strength, courage, and compassion let these be your tools for forging a better world.
No matter the obstacle, no matter the pain fight on.
Even if you only crawl your way into the next day, keep crawling.
Don't let your light be extinguished for no reason.
Nothing matters, however everything matters.
If we are to become nothing some day, why not try out hardest while we are something.
The only purpose to life is living, so live.
Every morning
tl;dr
>Life is an illusion, angels want you to kill yourself for heaven
>The others want to give you medication so you don't wake up
>You don't know if your crazy or not, if you want to dig deeper or not.
>Finally take medication, lose the grandiosity.
>The existential questions persist.
>>17539922
Yes OP, this is also my "dilemma". Accept the medication and sanity, or kill myself in my psychotic state.
But as you can see, I don't think this is actually a dilemma. We were shown greater truths about this reality, making us some sort of shaman maybe, but the forces that want you to sleep and keep going in this illusion don't necessarily need to be evil. We still have something to do here in this illusion.
I think there's a reason for us to be here, and stay here a little while longer, maybe it's just to learn more and grow more, or another more complicated one our minds can't even grasp. As I understand I'd be free to kill myself and wake up in heaven, but why die so soon? Why not appreciate the good things life has to offer, and stay with it as long as I can, there seems nothing wrong with that, we all die sooner or later when we're supposed to, so just hang in there.
I take 30mg abilify daily, but I still have my memories and will never loose my religiousness over taking meds, granted I can't talk to the angels anymore, I can't feel god directly anymore, but this is just for the time being, until I'm set free by natural death. I still feel like there's a plan for everything, and I'm not that much suffering from delusion of grandeur that I would want to change that plan. I think it's a neat plan, and I shouldn't try to mess with it, being psychotic is enough messing with the normal flow of reality already, and feel like a spiritual accident to me, but not something that's supposed to happen. Like if this world is just a computer simulation, then psychosis is a computer bug, a glitch, and you going on meds is patching it.
I'd loved to talk more about it with you OP, I think we've experienced something very similar, although our interpretations of it slightly differ.
>>17539922
how about to suck my dick
>>17539927
I know that feel.
