Schizophrenia
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You are currently reading a thread in /x/ - Paranormal
You are currently reading a thread in /x/ - Paranormal
What does it feel like? When did you realize you had it? How does it affect your life?
I have a morbid fascination right now and there are just not enough accounts I am finding. Just people who don't have it writing sterile articles, with a few descriptions I have seen from people with it.
>>17465322
Most Schizos are afraid to tell you what it's like. They more or less feel trapped and isolated despite being surrounded by people, so they don't tend to open up to people that *MIGHT!* have the capacity to abuse them.
>>17465322
I have Paranoid Schizophrenia, and I have for most of my life as a young adult. Paranoid Schizophrenia is the most famous form of the disease, so i'm sorry if any of my experiences sound repetitive but--
Every day is a real struggle in the morning and at night in specific, as it is with any mental illness. I have to lock my doors and check them 4 times every night or I won't be able to sleep. I can often see faces of things that want to kill me, and hear nails scratching at my door to get in when I lay my head down. I don't hear many voices, but when I do, it's very garbled? Rarely do they make much sense, so I try my best to ignore it.
I see many figures, even when i'm having a good day, pic kind of related? Typically they're long, lanky beings who have to bend down to even fit within my house. They don't have faces and never move, but I know that they're watching me no matter where I am, so long as the lights are off. My mother has started smudging the house again regularly, and that's actually turning out to help.
I'm medicated so I can function within society pretty easily. I'm in line to become a writer, or if I do what my parents want, a linguist. I have friends and a life and I do everything non-mentally ill people can, but it kind of changes when my medication wears off at night, as I mentioned.
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I'll be here for awhile.
>>17465322
https://youtu.be/XWvUHeYf6WQ
>>17465423
You have these kind of experiences even while your medication is working?
I've had vaguely similar things happen to me, but not so frequent that I get worried about it. Like driving at night, I will see figures appear, and I very often tend to "see my cat" when he is not even nearby. Earlier today I called out "What?!", but my family said that no one called my name. Could have sworn I heard it. I sometimes also get disassociated and in public I hear people talking about me when logically they probably aren't.
It slightly worries me that I can relate to this a bit, especially since I have a couple of relatives with it. Did it come on gradually? When did you realize?
You mentioned smudging, do you think that your family's involvement with paranormal activities has affected it at all, such as being paranoid about specific supernatural things?
Writing is nice and I am apparently good at it but math has always been what I liked. So I can really appreciate the logic and analysis of linguistics. What kind of writing do you do? I know an artist with schizophrenia, and he said it influences a lot of his work.
>>17465480
Sorry if i'm replying slow, i'm a little busy right now, so, please be patient with me.
The experiences tend to diminish when I take my meds, but if i'm having a particularly bad day, then it can act up pretty badly. It all depends on how i'm feeling that day, yanno?
I've experienced the part where you mentioned someone calling your name so many times, you don't even know. It's kind of infuriating sometimes, because I can never tell usually. Sometimes, i'll even hear the voices of people I haven't seen in months calling me, and that's probably the scariest part.
My disease definitely came on slowly. I've had a lot of trauma in my life, and several of my relatives have the disease. Seeing as it's hereditary, I could of guessed i'd develop it at some point. I'd have to say I realized when I was about 15 or 16, though most of the time women go undiagnosed so I was kind of beside myself for a little while until I could actually find a doctor that would listen to me.
I'm Native American, specifically Mniconjou Lakota, so smudging has always been something in my life. I wouldn't say it's something that causes paranoia, in fact, it's quite the opposite for me. I've had a lot of spiritual connections ever since I was little, and it definitely offers a lot of comfort knowing I have something to defend me in that sort of sense.
I do a lot of forms of writing. Most of it is commission right now, since my own work is kind of on hold until my living situation is a bit more stable, so I do a lot of fan works. If it pays, then it pays. My schizophrenia doesn't really influence a lot of my work, it's mostly some of my other illnesses, like BPD and depression.
>>17465322
I guess all my life I've been schizophrenic, but it only started getting really intense when I was 17 or 18. I didn't want to seek professional help or talk to anyone about it for a long time because I was convinced they'd put me away. I think its also worth mentioning that hallucinations aren't always bad ones. They seem to be directly correlated to my mood. (for example; it snows indoors sometimes when I'm happy and relaxed, and when I'm sad or frightened I hallucinate things more along the lines of monsters, malevolent people, etc.)
>>17465587
I'm a 20yo artfag now btw. It's one of the few jobs where it's perfectly normal to be crazy and I lead a relatively happy and stable life. (except this particular moment, I'm currently trying to quit smoking.)
>>17465543
Yeah, that stuff has happened to me a decent amount of times. I can remember hearing voices coming from the vents to the basement when I was younger too. It was embarrassing when i thought my grandpa called for me while I was visiting. Come to think of it, that house was really bad. I don't know if it was the house itself or being away so long, but I felt really uncomfortable, kept seeing things move, and just felt this black veil over me the whole time.
Spirituality and religion have always been weird to me, since I grew up in a home where there was no such thing. It's really good that you only get positive things from it though. Since I have nothing, I get nothing from it.
Even though you can't write what you want, at least you get to kind of do what you want, and that is important. A lot of jobs are just miserable and soul crushing. I've done different things but I only ever really enjoyed construction, teaching, and research.
>>17465587
>>17465608
I'm really nervous about any kind of help too for similar reasons, or for the social stigma. I'm also just really independent. There is definitely something wrong with me though, since normal people don't have suicidal thought loops, self mutilate in public restrooms, willingly shut out other people from their life, interpret what other people say as a huge jumble of sounds,and have absolutely no passion or motivation.
I wanted to get in art since I always enjoyed doing it, but I'm a PhD student in math now. You'd be surprised how much you get to use your creativity in a field like that though. I still like to draw sometimes and have gotten really into playing classical guitar lately.
I've smoked but I never got addicted. I think the gross feeling in your mouth and the lingering smell is what stopped me from doing it all the time. Good luck on quitting, my dad and grandma both pulled it off. It was a struggle but they haven't smoked for a long time. My grandma has a decent amount of lung and heart problems from it if that motivates you at all.
>>17465322
I still remember what it was like getting lost in the halls at school. Open a door, same hall, go back, same hall, repeating and repeating. No sound, no people, sometimes theres light where is supose to have shadows and vice-versa. Voices, creaks, loud steps. And then you pass out.
>>17465322
>What does it feel like?
It's hellish. My brain was physically and mentally tortured (mental games). Barely saw hallucinations. Lots of voices. Objects talked, like the noise from a closing/open door would talk. Birds talked to me. At first I thought I was in contact with people with magic, but then I figured out that it was mental illness. So I did what the voices said at first, like taking walks in the middle if the night, going homeless, and burning myself with cigs. I waa also paranoid about being watched and was being brainwashed about conspiracies involving people.
>When did you realize you had it?
It began around age 23, but I didn't realize it until I was 25.
>How does it affect your life?
I lost interest in everything, like music, movies, video games, etc. All I did was lay in bed all day and get my head wrekt. Under medication (Fanapt) I'm back to normal, like in my pre-schiziphrenia days.
>>17465639
Thanx for the support anon. I only got addicted because I was using them in place of anti-psychotics.(I've never taken any medications for schizophrenia because I'm terrified of being zombified by them.) Instead, I came to terms with my mental disorders and work tirelessly on maintaining a positive attitude towards things. Now, its more of an advantage than an illness to me.
Also, I used to cut too, more out of paranoia than self-loathing. (Nobody wants to fight with a man who's already set himself on fire, no?) I stopped most of my depressive behaviours after I found that my panic attacks and catatonia, were less frequent and didn't last as long when I make an effort to see the good in everything. It sounds obvious in hindsight, but get decent exercise, eat at least once a day, and get outside once in a while, and passion and motivation come more easily, It all gets easier the longer you stick with it, I genuinely hope things get better for you anon, including yourself.
>>17465641
Everything felt kind of like some experimental movie? I can relate a bit but not totally on that level. High school?
>>17465678
That must have been strange to think that someone cursed you or enchanted objects to talk. Were the voices out of your head or in it? Paranoia about being brainwashed, or actually brainwashed?
You live alone at the time you were just in bed all day? I'd assume family or roommates would question it if not.
I'm glad that the medicine works for you, that would be unbearable to live like that all the time.
>>17465733
I'm really scared of meds too. Everyone I know who took antidepressants said they felt better but then their lives got fucked up soon after by like losing jobs, failing out of school, serious drug abuse, never getting out of bed, weird habits, all that.
I really should try harder to stay positive. I think some people are just more inclined to like "evil" things. I get negative thoughts and like grim things like night, clouds, the smell of rotting leaves, dark music, black colored things, horror, all that. It's probably not good to indulge as much as I do though. My doom and gloom mindset wants to see every little problem as the end of my life and that I am dammed to an eternity of suffering and that I am a subhuman failure. But it's not true, and I need to fight it.
Also interesting you said was the positive hallucinations. I definitely get hallucinations, whether I am schizophrenic or not. But I see my cat sometimes, and then he vanishes. But seeing him is positive. I heard that people with schizophrenia in places like Africa get a lot of positive hallucinations compared to less community oriented cultures.
For the longest time I thought everyone was like me. we all talk about the voice in your head, and its called your conscious, so I never thought much more about it. Imagine my surprise as a kid when I would ask my friends the names of their voices.
It can be a nuisance when you have several thoughts you have to sort through in rapid succession so you can give the correct answer that the current situation dictates.
Fear is the worst. it's like it's a compounding of all your worst nightmares. when you know something bands there and you try to ignore it but there's this constant nagging going on. how delicious you look, or how pretty your skin would be as a coat. what normally got to me was how all the animals would cower from me. but I was told its probably best not to eat them while they are alive. it just sucks when you have conflicting choices repeated in your head. take your meds sam, don't stab inmates with your straw, stop eating the bed. I still find it so strange how people could live any other way.
You all have that gut instinct, like they have on our tv here when we get to watch the cop shows. go with your gut Jim, and bank the cop gets the bad guy. well how do you handle just one option? when my gut says do this or that it always is in my benefit. a few of the orderlies here used to freak out on how I'd know when to sneak out or how I'd know when they were out smoking. I just told them to listen to their guy like I did. I listened to my gut and I'm now outside the facility in a car on a computer. I wonder how long it will take research to realize I've left?
How do you schizos go about getting help? Is it only treatable through medication?
>>17465322
It's different from person to person.
>>17465841
>Is it only treatable through medication?
It's not treatable. Don't let doctors fool you.
i have schiz
i made this today
also this >>17465845 guy is lying
i made this >>17466694 for other schiz, maybe this can help
>>17465423
what does smudging mean?
>>17466724
I believe it's burning sage and wafting it around your house.
>>17465381
Potato queen does it again.
>>17465787
wow thats so cool! where did you find out about people in Africa getting alot of positive hallucinations? thats really interesting.
>>17466812
It is a meme made up by drug addicts.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1906254389/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1457953906&sr=1-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=our+encounters+with+madness&dpPl=1&dpID=51eAwMwerBL&ref=plSrch#productDescription_secondary_view_div_1457953928073
>>17465322
another diagnosed schizo reporting in.
>What does it feel like?
There are two components to it, psychosis, and "medicated sane time". Psychosis lasts a few months until I get into treatment and is a batshit insane journey into madness, but also deeply spiritual, still one hell of a ride. Medicated sane time is boring. I can't work, I can't find much enjoyment in shit anymore, I just lie around all day or lurk on the internet. Life got very boring thanks to this shit.
When did you realize you had it?
After I was medicated for a month, after spending two weeks in a locked mental ward, it dawned on me, that I might not be God but just schizophrenic. Back then I described it as the holy spirit leaving my body, with me realizing this spiritual rollercoaster was finally over.
How does it affect your life?
I was in medschool once and just cofounded my own company, when psychosis struck. I dropped out of university, I tried to go back there but I couldn't keep up, not right after psychosis, which takes a huge load on you physically and mentally. I couldn't work neither, and so I got on disability. I'm now basically a neet, tried to get off meds, but then got psychotic again. I probably won't be able to work full time my whole life. So I got lots of free time, but little money to spend. Still I'm not terribly depressed over it, all the free time is nice. I can read, or play video games, or be creative, still I'd prefer work. I gained deep spiritual insights I guess, but that's the only real upside to it.
My father was Schizo. I had psychosis experienced 3 times but only for less than 12 hours through massive drug abuse(amphetamines). Besides that no problems. Am i still schizo kind of or should i just take it easy with drugs?
>schizophrenia
Why does everyone pretend to have it nowadays? Same with depression. It's like everywhere around me is fucking tumblr
>>17466877
>no such thing as mental illness
>everyone pretends to have problems for attention
>>17465381
This, the stigma is real. Most docs will tell you, the most dangerous thing about schizos is how other people react to it
OP
See
>>17466073
My mother and her sister have it, it can be pretty scary to be around. I thought I maybe had it, because I experience psychosis, but was diagnosed as being bipolar. The psychosis happens when I'm at the peak of my manic phases before going back into depressive ones.
>>17466694
hey i made one more meme
nobody noticed the last one
heres another
Woooooooooo.
>>17465423
Now I'm a bit scared I'm "normal" but sometimes especially when I'm alone at home hear noises that make me feel insecure and then i walk through the hole house with a knife or a club to see if someone broke into my house. Sometimes I see moving shadows on the edge of my viewing field.
On some occasions I don't even trust my friends doing the most banal things.
Am I schizophrenic?
>>17465322
Please hear me guys. Dont listen every single thing "your" mind says, we are all connected and we are everything. The truth is living in the moment, not in your mind. Dont listen your ego and blame others for your path. Find yourselves with the touch of breathing and balance your own body, the hearing voices and seeing images in head is just about unbalanced body&mind. Take of your shoes and go to the nature if its warm enough. Let the images flow through your head but dont focus on them, just breath and connect your own system. Those voices etc. are just some memories or other peoples visions.
Greetings from cold and snowy Finland. Been through couple of so called psychosis, but now I feel much more grounded on living this moment - not in the past or future.
>>17465322
I feel constantly uneasy during certain points in the day, the paranoia aspect of it makes me lose my appetite because I feel like everything is irradiated on some days.
>>17467113
And for more, your only opponent in this life is YOU. Never ever complain other peoples things, because if you underrate others you are pissing on your own shoe! Just do your things and let the hidden power of soul rise just like as your earlier years of life when you werent living the moment from memory, just living it!
>>17467049
>being this nuts
>>17466877
> Why does everyone pretend to have it nowadays?
Well... They don't. You sound a little paranoid yourself, however.
