Hello /x/
I like to know in your idea of getting away from a perfect murder. Weapon of choice and all that good stuff.
icicle
>>17367580
Use your edge, little Luke.
>>17367583
Unless you shove it up someones eye to do it, it's too britte to impale someone. Maybe you could make a huge ass ice club and whack someone over the head a couple of times, but generaly, ice is a no go
>>17367580
my katana and my stealth skills
kill them through blunt force trauma to the head with a piece of wood
burn the wood and cremate them. burn your clothes and gloves
put the bones in cement and throw them at the bottom of a lake
>>17367605
Shit, does all of /x/ have a fucking katana? Am I the only one here that uses european swords?
>>17367617
you could just encase the person in cement first and thrown them in a lake. you would save a few steps.
>>17367620
dual wield a rapier and katana
>>17367623
No, bitch, a rapier goes with a dagger. And hate you weeaboos who think katanas can be properly weilded one-handed. Shit
>>17367636
monkey grip ofc
>>17367580
there are a few but my favorite would be working as a butcher in a self owned store. you take the victims body and "process" it.
clean and dress but you dont want to throw anything out so as in any real delicatessen shop you sell the organs though some cant be sold because they would be recognized as human
you make sausages with their intestons and the heart and maybe spleen go into the sausages with some meat a little spice and nobody knows) and all that good stuff
but you still have bones and skin when your done with the previous step. grind the bones down into powder then roast then grind them again and add it to bread dough on the top with some seasoning. it will add texture to the surface of the bread and people wont think to much about it with the added flavor
the skin shave clean of hair and fry then cut into strips and grind it into hamburger with meat then add it to sausages
the hair the last thing that needs to be disposed of is not to be thrown into the toilet or trash. tit might be recovered and linked to you. go buy a drink (coffe they have in the machine or slushie) from a gas station and bring it back. open the lid dump out the contents in your sink and put the hair in. go to a public place with a trash bin out side and pretend to take a few sips from it through the straw and throw it away in the bin. best if its far away from your house. more than 2 miles
>>17367620
>have a fucking katana
>uses european swords
For what? Taking cringy pictures of yourselves with them? If you are rich and dumb enough to buy useless swords, you can send me some of your money. I would appreciate.
>>17367687
its protection in the basement bunker. no small arms fire in the house. my moms rules, not mine.
>>17367687
Where I come from, guns can't be sold to the general population, so I have an arsenal of all kinds of other weapons.
I mean, yeah, I'd rather have a dozen guns but I can't have them
>>17367714
I don't have guns either. Only a baseball bat, which is not less effective than a sword.
>>17367737
Yeah, I know that bats are better, but no one is expecting a guy in full plate that is armed with a claymore and screams "Deus vult!".
Fuck, if I had the money, I'd buy myself a steed
>>17367580
be the victim AND the murderer
>>17367580
You can always use your katana, all oiled up with tendies, to easily slice in half the car they are travelling into and kill them from the mere shock.
Rember to use a fedora to conceal your identity m8.
>Ends shitpost
Let's say a certain someone would like to kill a certain someone. If he has any training in this, he could swiftly approach the subject in a secluded area and break his neck from behind (proper technique to do so redacted because some of you cunts might actually try this). Then, he would most likely hide the body somewhere safe for retrieval, like his car's trunk, and conspiscuosly swoop the crime scene for any obvious evidence. He would then get rid of the body either by abrasion in a certain redacted chemical solution or by feeding it to food-deprived omnivores in a farm, after which he would carefully search for bones in said animal's shit for further dissolution in the aforementioned chemical liquid.
Alternatively, a smart man in an urban area would simply provide a gun chambered in either .38 or .45. After carefully loading it without leaving any fingerprints on the shells, and wrapping the handle in duct-tape, he would shoot his victim twice (in the head and the heart) while disguised, using hollow point or wadcutter bullets. He would then swiftly escape, taking with him the victim's wallet and valuables. Alternatively, he may instead procure a knife and stab the victim horizontally in his tigh, provided he knew where to locate a certain vital artery. Obviously at risk of a brawl with the victim at the risk of injury, in the likely case he isn't at top physical condition.
Finally, he would get rid of the victim's wallet and flammable valuables by either incineration and scattering of the ashes or by chemical abrassion. Disposal of the gun would be done using a certain redacted method of removing the barrel's "signature", and disassembling of it's parts before throwing them in a secluded high way within 6 miles of each other.
>>17367580
Buy a smoke detector. Make sure nobody knows about this. Break it open. Remove the radioactive piece. Grind, shave, or otherwise pulverize this into a fine powder. Be very careful in handling this powder. Dispose of the remaining smoke detector parts. Don't forget the store receipt. Wait an appropriate amount of time. Mix this powder into the victim's pepper shaker. Wipe away any fingerprints. The victim will die a very slow and very painful death. There will be no trace of any poison in their body. Casually throw away the pepper shaker along with other insignificant kitchen garbage when the decedent first becomes ill.
Reminder that pigs are the best way to dispose of the body
>shoot someone
>tie balloon to gun
>gun floats away
>profit
>>17368609
>has no idea how much a gun weighs
>>17368618
>has no idea how much a hot air balloon can carry
:^)
>>17367621
No, that is a bad idea.
>>17367687
Zombie removal.
if I were going to murder somebody, it would have to be purely for sport
the victim matters just as much as the actual crime
you can carry out the perfect murder and still get busted if you kill someone you would have a motive to kill
it also all depends on where you live, how close your neighbors are, etc.
I live in the country, with no nearby neighbors, so that makes it a bit easier. I would kidnap my victim and knock them out, then I would take them out back into the brush at my house and do it quick and easy, gunshot to the skull. Then, leave the body there for a few weeks and let animals pick at it/let it decompose. After that, remove all the teeth from the skull and pulverize them, then start a massive bonfire and burn all the bones and bone dust and whatever remnants of flesh is left. After that, bury all the ashes in a deep hole and it's done. Lastly, never ever speak about it to anybody. The hardest part about this would probably be kidnapping somebody without leaving a trace and even that can be worked around(i.e. kidnap a hobo in the middle of the night, offer to drive an unsuspecting drunk girl home from a party, etc)
>>17367617
or you could turn the remaining bones to powder then throw in water or cement or both...
>>17368743
You are an idiot.
>>17367580
Choose a victim no one cares about like a whore or homeless person in an area with a lot of transients. Having no association or motive seems crucial.
Dispatch target with method consistent with other homicides/deaths which are common to target demographic (give the whore or homeless person bad drugs and watch them od).
Casually walk away leaving them in ally way.
Really if you live in the right kind of place you can simple do a hit and run and keep driving. There are hit and runs every year that never get solved.Use a white van or otherwise super common vehicle.
The tough question is how would you kill your wife or some other closely associated person where motive would link you. Most successful murders have contrived accidents. What I always find funny is how they usually get caught killing their 2nd or 3rd wife/husband.
>>17367580
Oh shit I got it.
Be a woman. Marry man. Cook the most delicious soul food with a minimum of 1 cup of lard in every meal. Deep fry everything. Never ever serve anything that is not fried or somehow soaked in pigs fat. Man dies young and happy.
Perfect crime.
>>17367580
Eat them.
>>17367829
>hence the expression, as greedy as a pig!
>>17367580
The real trick is to use either A. a weapon that can be easily disposed of, of which there are already many suggestions ITT or B. something so obtuse, so odd, that there's no way any sane detective would consider it a tool of high crime. Enter your car's licence plate. Those fuckers are 1. sharp as shit, with a little grinding down they could be sharper than shit 2. Completely legal, i mean fuck they are everywhere, and most importantly 3. Easy to hide, just slap it back on your car.
>>17367686
That's fucking disgusting
>>17367580
Create threads all over the internet asking how to murder people without a trace, asking for the perfect murder.
This will make you look not at all suspicious ever.
The perfect murder would be something like:
Shave off every hair on your body, and put on gloves and stuff and drive across the country and in the middle of the night in a secluded spot, surprise and instantly kill a random person you have no connection to and then run away and burn all your belongings you had on you at the time.
>>17368929
P.S. And never commit any crimes ever again because that's how they catch you
>>17368929
>>17368935
What about weapon of choice?
>>17368944
Pushing off a cliff to make it look like an accident
>>17368949
Just make sure the job is done, what if they pull some hollywood shit and crawl out of the canyon and survive to tell the police a full shaven man pushed them off a cliff
Time is the best weapon. All you need is a little bit of patience.
>>17368964
>pic your target
>wait for him to die of natural causes
>perfect crime
Your move cops
>>17369035
>Pick your target
>Wait for human extinction and heat death of universe
Hahahaha, no one will ever know it was me
Simply put, you need a core team of people on your side to pull it off, capture and indoctrinate followers into some kind of a cult and then find a public area with well defined areas
>calculate best places for maximum carnage
>go for numbers over flare
>ensure that your followers end up killing themselves in the end so it cant be traced back to you
Chemicals (if well implimented, with samples and doses applied effectively to appear as if of accidental dosage). Wear gloves, skin covering clothing, leave no tracable evidence. Done. If need for body disposal - Hydrochloric acid in the right make of plastic barrel. Shit, all it could practically take is to alter the medication, or simply tampering to expose the target to fatal particles, or if not that - simply constructing a bomb. As long as you don't fuck up in eliminating all tracable evidence - leave no particles or confirmable presence of you behind.
I'd reccommend it best to observe the target, stay unseen, look at the routines, the pathways, the golden oppourtunities. Remain vigilant and find your exit route. And most of all, be fucking certain that it's what you're going to carry out - once you've found the optimal oppourtunity.
Oh, and once you've carried it out; the harder part is living with it and maintaining that nothing has occurred.
>>17367580
That just depends on you opinion of what a "perfect murder" is. I feel as though that it's when you kill someone, everyone knows this person has been killed, but they just can't find you. It's like a big "fuck you" to anyone trying to find you.
>>17367686
This makes me question my love of pork breakfast sausages.
>>17367745
Yeah, that'd make me shit my pants. An aluminum baseball bat is still my go-to melee weapon, but a full suit of plate armor would be a sight to see.
>>17369307
Check out this edgy mother fucker.
Then again, this entire thread is pure edge.
>>17367580
Get off our x with that crap
MIB
>>17367620
I just have my axe!
>>17367712
Underrated post
>>17367686
/thread
If it's a person close to you, arrange to climb Everest with them and push them off when you're high enough You could whack them over the head beforehand too to ensure they are dead. It'll all look like trauma and no one will actually be looking anyway.
People die there all the time and the bodies cannot be brought back down.
Alternatively, go caving or dicing and kill them there and put their bodies in a place where they cannot be reached as above and act like it was all an accident.
>>17368958
If on the low chance that someone survived a drop off a cliff, I'm sure they would die from dehydration, hunger, injury and internal bleeding.
>>17367686
nice
>>17367580
I get away with it by not writing the plan on a public imageboard.
>>17369363
Iirc, some Sparta Prague hooligans did that in a fight, and they were walking tanks.
>>17369724
I only use axes to chop wood
>>17367580
Outlive the person you despise
take your victim to some shitty middle eastern country, the extremists there will take care of em
>>17367580
>Get on a bus
>Pay in cash
>Pick a target not on the same bus
>Poison them
>Go home
>Dispose of the poison
>Never speak of it again
>>17368929
>"perfect"
>having no hair on your body for months while you show up to work and social gatherings looking like an ayy lmao without eyebrows.
>not suspicious at all. Kek
>>17369887
>climbing mt. everest just to kill someone.
Nigga please. That's like saying climb to the top of a volcano and push them in. Lol
>>17371395
He didn't say eyebrows retard
>>17367580
The best revenge is living well.
Fake suicide (possibly with self-injested poison and convincing suicide note), in area know for shoddy police work. Problem Solved.
>>17367829
casual fuck in the background
>>17368743
You forgot the final step, where you do 25 to life. Idiot.
>>17368910
>You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.
>You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you?
>They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.
>>17371395
Why the fuck would you have to shave your eyebrows (or any hair) for months?
Never carry a cell phone
Professional assassins usually use poison. They also avoid killing anyone they know
>>17371417
He said every shave every hair on the entire body fuckface. If that was excluding the head which has more hair than any other part of the body than it would be pointless.
>>17371524
It doesnt grow back overnight dummy.
>get one of these suitcases with a long and wide handle
>go behind someone, quickly put the handle over someones head and around their neck
>pull against them and drag them to the ground
>jump on the handle and snap their neck
Realistically, I'd have a space where I could potentially do anything I want for as long as I want.
The place is secluded enough for me to chop bodies without anyone noticing and no one hearing screams. It should have a decent water supply and maybe some fuel storage.
I'd probably have either strong acids or bases, drums, materials to disintegrate bodies, containers to move the slop once they're dead and somewhere like a wood, desert or swamp to dump the slop in.
Very methodical. Make sure people think the target went on holiday. Find out where he lives, monitor his every move, when he wakes up and leaves the house to when he goes to bed. After week of tedious planning and preparation, I will strike when he/she is at their weakest. I would then use possibly a strong acid to dissolve the body. I would then dispose of the liquid in a local river, canal or just let it soak into the ground in a forest somewhere. Later I would then clean every drop of blood from the scene, and make sure there was no trace of me ever being in that location.
Remove fingers and hair, put both in mouth, fill with thermite and burn.
Chop corpse into medium sized chunks and feed to pigs.
>>17367580
Use your hands. Maybe a box cutter or a razor wire too. Then cut the body up and feed it to something. little by little. day by day. then just move away to someplace else.
>>17367686
Hannibal pls go to bed
>>17367620
>Not using a morning star
Plebs
>>17367791
remembered
>>17372470
wtf am i gonna do with a veggie burger?
>>17367686
why do I come here
>>17367620
No, even though I'm part Japanese. I carry a bowie knife if I need too. Weapon of choice is heavy steel or composite toe boots.
Explosives. Carbomb and cellphone detonator for example.
Me and a coworker were joking about this recently, we settled on a full bleach container. Bludgeon victim, then pour it all over the crime scene. It also doesn't look overly conspicuous being in someone's hands entering and leaving a residence hurriedly.
They just doing laundry, yo.
Those of you with large in Jun casinos around, or in vegas. A snub 22 revolver is a very quiet gun. Hell, 22 is a quiet caliber. Black cat firecrackers actually have a high decibel than 22. In my casino days, I have observed the average person at the loud ass slot machine as generally unaware of their surroundings. Around these parts, their normally elderly as well. A busy casino floor with lots of slots means very loud floor.
So what I purpose: park a vehicle you have regular access to nearby. Borrow a friends or catch a taxi there. Most casinos have rules about hoods being up but most security are to lazy to enforce. And very few say anything about baseball hats. Wear inconspicuous clothing. A black Hoodie and blue jeans will do. Wear a brightly colord hoodie and black swe at pants underneath and bring a plast bag, lIke a walmart bag but unmarked.. Pick your target carefully, based on their location within the casino, and those nearby. You don't want to be noticed. Find some one in full zombie mode with very few people near. Preferably those others are also zombie field by the games. Listen to the pattern of the games sounds.At a natural swell, walk past the machine they are at, loft the gun to their head, and fire. Do not stop to see if they are dead, do not stop to see if someone noticed. Keep walking at a casual pace to the nearest bathroom. Remove black Hoodia and blur jeans, Don a baseball cap, be sure to keep the gun til u can leave. If you chose locations well and timed it right, you will be able to change and make your exit before you are noticed. Remember, 22 is unlikely to exit, and you can by different rounds that make it even less likely. If your killing for the sake of killing, and you are not an avid gambler, this may just be the crime for you.
Drown them in a bath tub, then take a hammer to them and smash all their bones to bits so they're a fleshy lump. Take them out to the woods and bury them, then return home and take the bath tub to the tip.
Wash your hammer and put it back amongst the assorted tools in your garage you use for gardening, working on your car, etc.
