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Anonymous
2015-12-24 01:19:38 Post No. 17121982
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Anonymous
2015-12-24 01:19:38
Post No. 17121982
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I hate to do this, but I feel an old feeling of growing irritation. I'm beginning to attempt to more fully reconcile my childhood, and that means not focusing so much on more mechanistic explanations.
Yesterday, I had reached my peak. Pain was under control, my mind was not only sharpened and usable, but something approaching clear. I had drank a decent amount of caffeine, but nothing abnormal. I began to become sleepy and eventually entered a state of fatigue. I layed down on the floor, planning to briefly rest, and immediately fell into a deep sleep. In a half aware state, I then felt a force, like something is wrenching my jaw around. I wake up an unknown amount of time later, look around, and I'm in that goddamn state again. I can't... quite understand what I'm looking at. Nothing feels quite right. I don't know where, or who I am. I "know" these things, but there's something wrong. Upon waking, I got up, didn't really know quite where I was. I go to the window, not to see the state of the expected, but to see what was there outright. My mind feels like mud inside, the pain is back and intense, and I can't barely draw from memory much less construct coherent sentences.
I used to think something was tampering with my mind in my sleep, and could put me to sleep to do it. Many things led me to this rough idea. Seeing moving shapes, like distortion patterns where light doesn't quite seem to behave correctly. Could it be a cloak? Seeing red lights and flashes from outside my door as a child. Falling asleep and suddenly hearing something scream in my ear "WAKE UP!" I shot up with my ear ringing. Then there was the recurring dreams of a woman with orange eyes, and I even saw her when I was awake. She appeared in many forms. I could feel her standing or moving around me. Sometimes she tried to entice me, sometimes she was motherly, sometimes detached. I felt limbs reach through my body, and as though something was trying to force its way[char]