The first two paragraphs are no big deal. That's pretty much how everyone should be.

I been in the same place as you before, but being a bookworm of spirituality doesn't always offer spirituality in itself. I personally found my way through the work of Robert Anton wilson. He explains things well and offer actual tools on how to make a change in your life. Then, I only chose this point of view because it fits me well.

Now that you've found all the informations you need, why don't you practise like the people that inspired you ?

But be aware that shifting from a normie life to an "ascended" one requires sacrifrices. Unless you manage to feel nice living a pretty normal life with pretty normal fears and preocupations.

>>17063342
That was quite poorly written but you guys probably get the idea.

Also, if any one wondered what I meant by personal proof its hard to explain.

One night recently I found my self praying internally, asking for a reason, meaning, asking for some kind of sign. I was concentrating on my minds eye and I guess trying to contact some kind of higher entity.

Instantly after this thought I was overcome by a massive wave of grief and sorrow, not for myself but almost for the whole of existence (if that makes any sense) like an overwhelming sense of empathy.
I had never felt anything like that before and it came out of nowhere. It was mental and also physical as I felt tightness in my chest and throat.

To me it was undeniable, I would understand if somebody else thought it to be pure bullshit though.

One thing that has worked for me is to try to reduce your mental flow of thought. When something happens, don't analyse it, judge it or anything. Just experience it. Being contemplative is chill af and can even lead to extasy.

>>17063363
I think it stems from fear ultimately, or some kind of internal unbalance, I'm not a friend to myself.

I really appreciate what you are saying though.
I'm going to check out this Anton guy it seems like it might ring true within me also.

Thanks for your response anon.

>>17063368
I can appreciate that. Sometimes I find true solace from my internal dialogue, but its never enough to last, the majority of time I find myself in a constant state of anxiety.
I've even started vocalising this shit when I'm alone. "your a fucking dickhead" "Fuck off fuck off", it all comes out and I can't stop myself.

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>>17063374
You need to chillax dude. Find a buddy and get high, do something pleasant, don't let these bad vibes go through your bones.

it might be a good idea try it out in practice, sit and use some method from >>17061477

You must remember yourself. There a lot more I could explain but that is the first step.

>>17063342
How can you not see that you are the same as that chair you sit on, or anything else you observe. Absolutely all that existence entails, is but existence itself. How can anything be saparate from that one which puts all to being.

No matter how different anything might seem from eachother it is still the same Self/God expressing itself as all the different forms. The belief that you are something separate from all is simply the great illusion the universe plays on itself to get lost in itself.
The universe is all there is, it's both everything and nothing at the same time, which is why the universe stretches to infinity.

Oneness can only be known and felt through experience. It comes the moment the ego has realized it's true self through meditation and deep contemplation on reality. The moment the ego has seen and understood it's real self, it will simply vanish, as it then thoroughly sees it's own falsehood completely.

But do not believe the ego vanishes completely, it will still remain for it's necessity to function in social settings, but it will no longer be the main source of identification. The ego is a tool after all, only we have bamboozled ourselves to fully identify with it.

as you apparently do you understand it intellectually, but that will not bring on the profound effects of the experience itself, as it will simply be understood from the egos point of view and will simply become one of it's many accumulated beliefs about the universe, keeping you in duality. Oneness can only be reached through experience and unbecoming, there is no other way. When you become nothing, then you become everything. Lose yourself, to find yourself.

If you truly want to see, you must be completely sincere in your search for truth. Do not try to reach it through anything but your own inner efforts, as that will simply lead you astray. No holy texts, nor saint can ever give you truth, it is only reached by yourself.

>>17063342

I'd say try meditation, it might help, but we can't answer for you (as shitty as that sounds).

See if there's a vipassana center near you.

>>17063342
http://palousemindfulness.com/selfguidedMBSR_ataglance.html

this is an 8 week course that includes meditation and mindfulness practice. the goal is anxiety and stress reduction and to be more "present" or "in the moment" in your every day life. it's 100% free and it's based on material that has been proven to change the way your brain functions.

i just started for myself so i can't guarantee how well it works but when i did similar exercises in the past (on a regular basis) i was feeling a lot better.

>>17063342
To reduce your anxiety help someone with more anxiety

>>17063374
You are not supposed to stop all thoughts, just let them come and go without identifying with them, as that is what creates the anxiety. What is it you are anxious about, maybe I could try and help you.

>>17063342
That's ok anon, you have an intellectual understanding witch isn't an actual experience, it's like speaking about love and having love :)
Having a urging to know the truth is a big step.