>be working in japan
>on my way to dad's house there is a park like thing
>around 2 am
>woman dressed in a red and white kimono under a light post
>notice that shes facing the other way (facing the lightpost) but her kimono was backwards
>had very long hair but the wind doesnt seem to have an effect on it
>she was white as cotton
>was scared and creeped the fuck out
>decided that it was just a mannequin and somebody is playing a godawful prank on the people who cross that lane
also share spooky white women stories
>>16831762
Is there any reason this couldn't have been a prank?
It's a well known legend, the clothing should not be hard find, and she could spray the hell out of her hair to keep it straight.
>>16831762
I IS ERE FOR DA WHITE WIMEN
>>16831840
it wasnt there when I went to the shop which was 25 minutes before I went back to the house
Security officer at an independent living senior apartment complex here. See women doing the strangest things sometimes.
>Sitting at front desk around midnight
>Camera placements are retarded, management doesn't care
>Few blindspots near me, cuz I'm at the main intersection of the building
>No one around from what I can see
>Start fucking around on my laptop
>It's muted, turned off smooth jazz music an hour ago
>Can hear everything on the floor basically
>Suddenly, there's muttering near me
>Been checking the monitors, didn't see anyone even leave their apartments
Just to note, all of the cameras are on the first floor and basement, but mostly the first floor. So while a person can manage to slip through the blindspots, I almost always hear them coming because none of these fuckers use the stairs and always slam their doors.
>Muttering gets more intense, see no one on the cameras
>Starting to get a bit bugged out
>Stand up and move to blindspot behind lobby area
>See nobody in any direction of the hallways
>Curse, then go and sit down again
>Decide to just relax and watch some KOTH to kill time
>Five minutes in, hear someone start talking to me from behind glass pane behind me
>"DIDJA LIKE THE CARTOON?"
>Practically jump out of my fucking seat
>Swivel around and see a bug-eyed glasses-wearing woman peaking around the corner, staring at me
>Freeze up, too confused to bother responding.
>Uhhhh
>She repeats it, even louder this time
>"Yes..?"
>Slinks away silently, not a goddamn sound made at all except for her quiet muttering
>Somewhat unnerved at this point
>Decide to grab the security keys and walk out the front door for some air
>Flip switch to lock door in place, so it won't close and lock me out
>Sit outside for five minutes, calm down enough to get annoyed at lady
>Go back towards the door
>It's shut
>See lady leaned over front desk, near switch
>She's staring at me
Continuing...
>>16831850
So?
>>16831852
Red October standing by
>>16831852
>Seriously annoyed at this point
>Stare her down while I put the security keys to the lock
>It opens
>She scurries around the corner
>I follow
>No trace, but I heard a door slam down one of the hallways
>Lean over desk and scope out monitors
>Nothing, but saw a shitty painting right where the blindspot starts
>Head to painting
>Literally only one room after the super's that's in the blindspot
>Get her room number
>Check tenant listing
>Get her name down, write up report
>Night ruined by this strange woman
>Finish shift and head home to sleep before 4-12 shift
Another note: it's a HUD building, so any old person can get these swanky apartments for like $200 a month, more so if there's something wrong with them. It's also partially owned by a management group, who bought it from a convent of nuns across the street. Nuns retain a lot of staying power though, close ties to the tenants, and work in the building most of the time. Basically, temperamental women you don't want to fuck with, cuz they'll turn on you quick if you get on their bad side.
>As soon as I get in, see four major nuns at the front desk, all regulars, just never together in one spot
>See a cardboard cutout of Pope Francis behind desk
>Greet them all, they just turn around and look at me expectantly
>Wonder what the fuck their problem is as I put down my backpack and coffee
>I'm ahead of the 15 minute period for shift change
>Nun behind desk hands over yellow paper to this fat nun who's a complete control freak
>It's my incident report
>She starts lecturing me on why I can't harass the tenants like that and file unnecessary reports like that
>Wait for her to finish
>Tell her that weirdo tried locking me out of the building
>Fat nun accuses me of standing outside the entire shift
>Tell her I had the keys to get back in
>Fat nun says I shouldn't have left the area behind the desk in the first place
>Tell her the constant heat from the vents is uncomfortable
>She's getting pissed
Continuing.
>>16831852
Ugh come on dont leave us hanging anon i like it
>>16831917
Nevermind oops.
>>16831915
MF, you ded?
>>16831938
Gimme a bit, at my post right now typing this in between people pestering the fuck out of me.
>>16831915
>I'm getting equally pissed
>Fat nun brings up keys again
>"Well, if you had the keys, there's no problem to speak of."
>Tell her a tenant still locked me out and that isn't acceptable behavior by any standard, and could have caused serious safety issues
>She laughs
>"Security-Anon, you're basically a secretary. You aren't keeping anyone safe."
>That really pisses me off
>Other nuns are getting upset at what the fat nun just said
>She storms off, telling me not to harass the weirdo woman again
>90% dead nun behind desk looks up with me with her huge ass glasses
>"Don't worry about her. You always have someone watching you."
>Instantly think back to the woman from last night
>They're confused by the look on my face, then one points to the cutout of Pope Francis
>Switch spots with her and shift continues without problems for a few hours
Another note, to break up the flow: I'm not allowed to touch the tenants under any circumstances. This includes if they ask for my help with something, if they fell over and want help getting up, etc.. There've been a few times where someone's fallen over right in front of me and I can't do anything about it other than call 911.
>It's 10 PM
>Quiet as fuck, turned off smooth jazz music
>No movement on the cameras save for some old italian guy who plays pool for like 5 hours at a time
>Hear mumbling again
>Didn't see anything on the cameras
>Hear hissing now
>Sounds like a bothered cat
>Stand up immediately
>Head around the desk with my coffee
>See that woman lying on her back on the floor
>Just have to fucking stop and process what I'm seeing
>Lady is just moaning and griping
>Can't tell if she's playing or actually hurt
>Go towards her and crouch down
>Ask her what happened
>Her bug eyes lock onto mine
>She grabs my shoulder and fucking PULLS me towards her
>I was caught off guard, so I actually got pulled in about six inches from her gnarled ass face
>She fucking hisses in my face
>Launches spit and phlegm at me
Cont
>be me
>be excited
>be impatient
>be wanting to read the fuck outa this story
>>16831864
>>16831917
>>16831938
>>16831992
Opinions so far? I think my greentexts are a bit too long and descriptive to be considered greentexts at this point.
>>16831989
>>She fucking hisses in my face
Cat-kin tumblr cunt.
>>16831996
I don't care, keep the train rolling.
>>16831996
Yawn
>>16831996
I need to know what happens next. Also you write well.
>>16831989
>Instantaneous reaction shot
>Rip her off of me and drop her goddamn head to the floor
>I'm stumbling back and falling over, rubbing the fuck out of my face with my sleeve
>Still feel that stuff on my face
>She's wailing like a motherfucker now
>Super's door is like ten feet away
>He hears the noise and comes out
>Dude is a bro, so he doesn't even jump to the conclusion that I just let this senile, 80 year old woman drop her head on the fucking floor
>He asks what happened
>Can barely hear him over this lady's yelling
>Pull him to side and explain that she fell trying to sneak up on me, then lunged at me when I went to check out the sound
>He looks bewildered as fuck but doesn't question it
>Tell me to call 911 and send them here for her
>A bit redundant, but english isn't his first language anyway
>Comply to build up the view that I was cooperative and without blame
>Don't care how deceptive at this point, don't want a lawsuit or jail time
>Call cops, tell them someone fell, might have had a seizure or something
>They come within two minutes
>Lady isn't as loud now, but is still loud enough to attract the attention of tenants in their rooms
>People see this woman thrashing around on the ground with two men standing over her
>I open the doors and turn them off so the first aid can come in and out without problems
>Get another incident report ready along with a notepad and pen
>Laughing internally at how well this is going despite the fact I desperately want to apply a vat of disinfectant to my face
>Police roll on through, get their badge numbers and point them to the woman flopping around like a fish behind the area of my desk
>They look at me for a moment before trying to talk to her
>No success
>She's resisting like a PCP abuser
>Cops pull out their first aid kits and do their thing while I motion for the other tenants to return to their rooms
>Not a single one does
>Hear car pulling up
>Fat nun runs in, glaring at me
Cont.
>>16832048
>Passes me, but not before grabbing my current incident report and the one from yesterday
>Tears them in half right in front of my face
>Walks off before I can say anything
>I'm fucking fuming, but keep it together
>Don't want to incriminate myself
>Ask cops if there's anything I can do to help
>They politely tell me no
>Weirdo lady is mostly calmed down now cuz of fat nun's presence
>I ask if she's going to be alright
>Fat nun tries to hush me, cops cut her off
>"She has a small bump on her head, but she should be fine. The EMT's are probably gonna want to take her to the hospital though."
>Lo and behold, EMT's arrive and say exactly that
>They've apparently dealt with this woman before
>Probably have had the barrage of bodily fluids ejected at their faces as well
>Show silent sympathy for both them and cops
>Tell them I wrote an incident report, but nun tore it up before I could finish
>I'm redoing it anyway, ask if they want me to make a copy
>They say yes
>Do so and make a duplicate in the office nearby
>Bring it out right as the EMT's are leaving with lady
>Lock eyes with her
>Hear loud hissing all the way to the ambulance
>Rest of shift is uneventful
Cont.
>>16832071
Oh man
Bumperdibump
>>16832071
I'm waiting
Waiting intensifies.
>>16832133
>>16832136
Sorry for the wait folks, some old guy got drunk and busted his ass on the staircase. Continuing now.
>>16832147
Still waiting.
I hope it's good.
>inb4 I went to sleep.
>the end
>>16832071
>Next shift on next day
>Mad fucking tired, mostly because of late night whackering and an unrelated nightmare
>Come into work with a nice philly cheese steak and some fries
>Gonna spend the next few hours fucking around without interruption
>That's exactly what doesn't happen
>Be around 9 PM
>Sipping from iced tea while movement on cameras attracts my attention
>Blue Camry pulls up
>Out comes fat nun and weirdo
>Instantly feel a wave of fucking dread pass over me
>Get an intensely bad feeling for whatever reason
>Consider letting them get in themselves, decide against it
>Open door before they can do unlock it
>Nun just gives me this look like she wants me to get shanked from my dick to my eye
>Smile at her
>Welcome them back from the hospital
>Silently wondering why the fuck she was there for that long for a small bump
>Don't bother asking
>Fat nun comes up to me
>"Did you trip her?"
>I'm fucking speechless
>Tell her she better have a damn good reason for making an accusation like that when her buddy was the one who's been harassing and stalking me
>She doesn't like hearing that
>"I'll be contacting your company first-thing tomorrow morning."
>Shrug and get behind desk
>She escorts lady to her room.
>Swivel my chair around to watch them pass the glass pane behind me
>Nun doesn't even look my way
>Weird lady's head is hanging back limply as she walks by
>Her eyes are directed as me as her head bobs past
>I become unnerved, but then remember I have someone watching me at all times anyway, so no harm will come to me
>Look back at Pope Francis
>He's watching
>Shift continues until around 11 PM
Cont.
Sorry, got distracted by this lady just now. She coughed really loudly, if anyone cares.
That pope is weird.
>>16832182
>Some old guy who's cool with me starts dropping info
>It was odd because he's normally asleep hours beforehand
>Said he wanted to drop in and share the "squirrel-talk"
>Guy loves to fucking share gossip despite me not wanting to hear any of it
>Get very interested when he mentions the weird lady's name and the fat nun's name
>Ask him why this lady is batshit crazy
>"You mean between the embalming fluid injections and brimstone baths?"
>I nod, if only to get this motherfucker to just tell me what he knows
>"Well, if it isn't obvious, the old bag has dementia!"
>All clicks into place
>Sorta, I suppose
>I don't know jack-shit about mental diseases or disorders, so I just assume that means she's legitimately insane
>He walks off, wishing me good luck and that most of the old ladies would vouche for me if my job was at stake anyway
>Shift continues for thirty minutes, roughly thirty minutes before I finish my shift
>Nothing of note happens until I hear a loud bang
>Someone slammed their door for some reason
>Instantly get suspicious
>Assume the woman is now changing her tactics to counter my half-assed detection skills
>Stand and just watch the monitors, ready for any damn thing that might happen
>Hear nothing else, then see the woman pass from behind me
>Doesn't bother sneaking, I guess
>Shrug it off as she walks to the front desk, still alert and suspicious as any good private security officer should be
>Of course, when they're telling you all about what you need to know for security work while you're surrounded by the ghettoest people in Newark, they don't mention shit like this
>They also didn't mention the fucking intense smell that was now slowly shuffling towards me
Cont.
>>16832257
This is getting tense as fuck
Truly the most entertaining story I've seen on this board so far
>>16832071
i'm curious as to how much shit you caught from fat nun after the fact. great story, and as previously stated by others, you write well.
>>16832257
OP pls deliver
>>16832257
intensifying D:
>>16832257
>You know that primordial feeling you get in your gut when you know something bad is going to happen?
>That was how I was feeling at that point.
>At this point, I'm cursing to myself, because whatever the hell this woman is planning, I already know I'm not going to like it
>She comes around the pane and the smell doesn't fade in any way
>It's intense, but not so much that I'm dry heaving and gagging. It doesn't stop bothering me though
>She eyeballs me as she walks up to the desk and for probably the hundredth time, I'm glad there desk has a chest-high barrier for privacy
>"I SEEN'T YER HUNGRER."
>She's loud to an ungodly degree.
>I assume she must be deaf too, because no normal person talks that loud without reason or disability
>Don't bother saying anything back, just shake my head
>She's referencing the lack of dinner I brought for the shift, I assume
>Didn't matter, I was planning on eating some fast food or some shit on the way home
>Eventually tell her that I'm not hungry, because it's been a full ten minutes and she hasn't left yet
>Just waiting for my relief to show up and take over so I can leave
>Silently wishing the Trinidadian guy actually shows up 15 minutes ahead like most guards do as a sign of courtesy
>She continues staring at me, then reaches into her bathrobe pocket
>Start panicking
Cont.
>>16832290
Just wait. Cops get involved.
>>16832257
I hope this old lady walks dinosaurs
>>16832313
Dude what the fuck spoilers.
>>16832313
>Time itself seems to fucking slow down to a tenth of its normal speed
>Somehow, and I have no idea how, this lady managed to exploit the one phobia I go fucking nuts over
>She pulls out a damnable muffin
>Keep in mind, this wasn't any ordinary fucking muffin.
>I have no idea what it was in a previous life or day and age or whatever the fuck, but this thing she was holding out towards me was something straight from the very bowels either hell or the woods nearby
>This thing is inconceivable
>It's a muffin that's literally rooted to the fucking bottom and through the paper with fungi
>Covered almost entirely in some fuzzy blue and black and white shit, with stalks twice the size of the original thing just sticking out
>Mind is racing
>Blood is pumping
>Body is heating up
>Heart is F1 car
>If it isn't really obvious, fungi is the one thing I react really badly to
>I don't just backstep in response, I goddamn slam myself back against the wall to distance myself
>Pain is ignored, I'm just trying to not inhale whatever goddamn spores my try to dig into my lungs
>Tear off tie and wrap it around my mouth as an impromptu gasmask, start hyperventilating
>Lady literally doesn't change her facial expression at all
>Must be half blind too considering how enormous her glasses are
>She has the gall to reach over my desk, dropping bits of her mushroom muffin all over, and pluck a damn tissue from the box on my desk
>Places muffin on there and then sets it down on my laptop
>Promptly lose my shit and tell her to take that thing back with her and leave before I call the super
>Of course, this agitates her and once again, I'm not prepared neither mentally nor physically to withstand her onslaught
>She leaves the muffin there and reaches into her other pocket
>The smell is now even worse
Cont.
>>16832322
It's the journey that's worth it, not the spoilers, my brother.
>>16832313
AHHHHHH ITS HABBEBIN
>>16832355
Holy shit that is disgusting
>>16832355
You ruined your chance to become the Fungus King you dunce.
Super duper lurking
I would have tried to get my dick wet in some paranormal punani.
>>16832355
>Tension and aggravation rising
>She pulls out what I assumed, in my utmost folly, to be a chocolate donut from Dunkin' Donuts.
>I'm both confused and extremely on edge, so I'm just looking between her and the donut for a good ten seconds
>She holds it out towards me, but I'm still about six feet away
>Trying to do what I can to calm myself down, it's not working
>The excessive heat combined with the fact I'm wearing like three layers is starting to stack with the stress from the situation
>I am now sweating
>Try sidling against the wall towards the front door
>She simply arches her arm closer
>It becomes a stalemate
>If I move, she gets closer
>If I stay, my resolve starts breaking apart quicker
>Keep in mind, I'm still having a panic attack (I think) over this muffin thing
>Eventually, she relents
>My fucking heart skips a beat
>Takes .00000000000000001 of a second to realize this is my chance to vamoose
>Stop when I see her take a bite of the donut
>Something in my head isn't registering
>I know something is up with the donut because it looks crusty as fuck, but I don't know what
>Then, I notice something rather peculiar about that donut
>Why, if there is a God, would there be pieces of corn in that dried up donut?
>After carefully considering it in my moment of severe mental anguish, I came to the realization that this woman had just eaten a dried up piece of shit
Cont.
>>16832431
Oh man. You were right. This is a fucking journey.
>>16832431
oh no she didn't
>>16832431
>I crumble right there
>I wasn't prepared for anything like this, I've never expected to have to deal with anything like this in my life
>In retrospect, I realize I may sound like a little bitch by reacting like this, but I can only take so much random bullshit at any given time
>I'm now gagging, doing my best to not vomit all over the desk
>I'm trying to understand why this woman is doing this to both of us
>It makes absolutely no sense
>This lady has been keeping a muffin incubating with fungi in her room for god knows how long
>Also found the time to dry her shit while getting it into that shape
>In other words, my sanity meter had basically went from 70 to 10 % in around three minutes
>I'm doing a full body cringe at that moment
>I'm trying not to lose my shit
>But she just knew how to push every single button
>How could she possibly make this worse, you ask?
>She spoke
>This crazy, surreal bitch spoke with a mouthful of dried shit
>Do you recall when I mentioned she hissed at me and that launched godawful fluids my direction?
>The same concept applied in this case
>It brought a new meaning to shit-flinging
>Half-chewed pieces were being spat my way as she gargled her words and tried shouting something
>I fucking DIVE to the side of my desk
>The reaction was so fast you'd think I was practiced my whole life for it
>The back of my head may have slammed against the marble in my panic, but I was at least out of the blast cone
>Or, that's what I assumed, at least
Cont.
>>16832475
The journey goes on. And gets worse with one last effort from her.
>>16832431
>reading this before my lunch break
>mfw
>>16832517
That was funny to read, because I'm about to go to sleep. It's 10.30 PM here.
Btw the story is fucking fierce.
>>16832497
bracing for impact
>>16832497
>My teeth are vice-like tight
>I feel something flaky land on the top of my head
>I exhale quietly, about to resign myself to this hellish nightmare
>But that wasn't an option
>Cliche, but I'm too unwilling to just let this go on
>I smack whatever shit particles managed to land on my head and bolt upright
>Which, of course, was a bad idea because I smashed my head against the marble edge of the desk while getting up
>I sit the fuck back down because that blow was something else
>Gave myself a five seconds before I force my body up and reach for my phone
>I was going to call the goddamn cops over this shit, I don't give a fuck about my job at this point
>Unfortunately, in my absence, she took the time to reach into the same pocket as earlier and produce another piece shit
>This time, it was fresh. She had planned this ahead of time
>I'm caught like a deer in headlights
>Her arms is slightly back
>She was going to throw it
Side note: I believe, sincerely, that under stressful circumstances, people can either fall apart entirely, or show great bravery in the face of whatever fucking thing decided to ruin their day. I then decided to retaliate.
>It was like some shit from a movie
>In that split-second, I had enough of all of these fucking little games she was playing
>I sidestepped fast and did the one thing I knew would actually shield me
>Thank fucking god, all that's holy, every other cosmic variable and whatever the fuck else that he was watching over me
>Pope "Fucking-Smiling-Human-Shield" Francis saving the day
>I got behind his tall and imposing yet warm stature and let him take the brunt of the fresh shit flung my way
>My eyes shot open fully once I felt the blow
>It was the weirdest mix of elation and anger I've ever felt
>I could feel my eyes fucking stinging as the relief won over
>But it wasn't over yet
>As a security officer, it was my sworn obligation to never pacify threats under penalty of the law
>I didn't give a flying fuck anymore
Cont.
>>16832517
>>16832554
>>16832561
Just going to mention this now, my shift technically ends in half an hour, but it's most likely going to be around 15 or so minutes. My drive home is around 20-30 depending on traffic, and I also need to take a mean piss.
Just keep that in mind while you guys wait. I'll try to continue in the mean time.
>>16832572
oh my god this is too fucking good
>>16832572
oh my god
>>16832578
duly noted! just do yo thing
>>16831762
>>16831850
hey, try to see it from her perspective, man.
>Be an Onryo
>Husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and got his whore mistress pregnant too
>Killed us both so he wouldn't have to pay child support
>Wait ten years to accumulate enough MAD to manifest into the world
>Wait to strike...
>Instead some fuckass faggot gaijin cuck walking ex-husband's path and pisses himself because I'm just standing there
>Fuck this gay mortal realm
>>16832578
>tfw security anon dies taking a piss
>>16831762
>japan
pic related
>>16832708
>>16832708
remind me of turningdolls dot blogspot dot com
stupid anti spam
>>16832708
diamonds.
SEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIROSEPPUKUSHIRO
>>16832609
>>16832701
Back. You guys want me to finish this up or what?
>>16832768
If you don't finish this story you are a fag
>>16832768
YES PLEASE
>>16832768
horee shit yes i must know
the buildup is impeccable
is she gonna walk the dinosaur or wat
>>16832768
yes
>>16831762
>2014
>Enjoying a chill ses of Depression Quest
>Decide to take a break, go to Five Guys
>Check into /b/ when I get back
>Oh hey a Five Guys thread nice
>Start writing a post about my experience
>Read OP
>"Zoe Quinn is a whore and is a perfect example of what's wrong with the gaming industry"
>Cry
Any other white womyn got some spooky stories?
>>16832783
>>16832786
>>16832790
>>16832793
Alright, I'll get on it then. Not too much longer. Would someone mind screencapping these and compiling them, or even making a paste bin?
Also, would you guys be interested in an encounter I had with this woman a few nights back? Definitely not as strange or exciting as this one I'm writing, but I thought it was funny. Then again, I was being a bit vicious, so I don't know if anyone would actually want it.
>>16832810
I'm capping as you post, fucking finish the story so I can close paint
>>16832572
hurry the fuck up op plx
>>16832572
>Once I was sure she wasn't reloading, I struck
>Taking the cutout of the Pope, I used the stand on the back to turn him to an actual shield
>A shield of faith, if you will (probably not)
>Peak out of cover VERY carefully, and assess that she's absolutely terrified or enamored at the moment.
>Realize she's fucking thrown off-guard by Francis
>I'm not sure how to properly describe the feeling, but it was like this revelation breathed new life into me
>I knew her fucking weakness. Or not. Who knows?
>I'd try anyway
>I lifted Francis up and swung his head sideways, smacking the shit out of her ear with the thin edge
>You know that glossy corrugated cardboard material?
>It's fucking tough and sharp.
>Is it painful? Well, ask her.
>Thing is, you can't. She's fucking screeching at this point.
>I'm not talking about a monkey's screech or some playful shit like that. She's going all in.
>Thankfully, I somehow managed to knock off those two-ton glasses from her cracked face
>I assume that's her real weakness, because once that happened, she went down. Right onto her fucking haunches like a goddamn animal being beaten into submission
>I'm just standing there, blinking
>I accidentally lose my grip on Francis as I'm going forward to look over the front desk's counter
>He cuts off my foot from stepping in the shit that slid off of his chest
>At this point, I don't even know what to make of him
>It could be coincidences, it could be divine intervention, all I know is Pope "Smack-A-Bitch-Upside-The-Head" Francis saved me MAD times that night.
>Of course, as I'm thinking about this, I failed to realize the super came out again, along with half the residents on that floor
>Exhale loudly in relief and tear my uniform shirt out from pants to unwind
>Super sees me holding Francis defensively and then the woman hunched over on the floor
>Doesn't say a damn word, just goes for the phone and hits up the fat nun and the cops
Cont.
>>16832839
Not OP, by the way.
>>16832824
Post it here so I can cherish this story
>>16832857
>The next two hours were absolutely amazing in comparison to that one half hour
>Cops are here, first aid squad, and a few nuns from across the street
>I'm just lying back in my seat with my feet kicked up, thankfully without shit on them
>It was strange, but despite being interrogated by police, I was completely at peace
>I forcefully pacified an insane bitch who not only collected a fungus muffin and her own shit, but ate her own shit
>Not everything was right in the world, but things were okay, at an equilibrium
>But fat nun and police weren't having that
>Police were definitely suspect of me abusing the woman because she was more mentally handicapped than a goddamn box of thimbles
>But they also knew that she was legitimately crazy
>Fat nun wanted to press charges for assault
>I just start fucking laughing, right in her face
>I'm sure I must've looked just as much a lunatic as her, but these people hadn't seen what I gone through
>Not yet, not yet, at least
>So I casually bring up the camera footage and how anyone with the key to the office, like the super, could replay it to see what really happened
>She gets cocky and instantly assumes it'll absolve her retarded friend from blame
>Police obviously want to see what the hell caused shit to be on the floor
>I also assume that the mushroom muffin caught there eye as well
Side note: I conquered most of my fear of fungi through this. I still get uneasy around it, but I'm no longer afraid.
>One cop goes into the office with me, the super, and the fat nun
>We play back the footage and lo and behold, each of them watch in disgust as I'm basically diving and ducking out of the way from, you guessed it, shit!
>I'm occasionally looking at fat nun to gauge her reactions, and she was definitely not pleased
>Cop and super gave me the most sympathetic look a man gave to another without homoeroticism
>But still, fat nun hadn't had enough to sate her thirst for my blood
Cont.
What should be the last one is coming up.
Are you ready for the conclusion?
>>16832928
Shit yeah.
>>16832928
hurry up
>>16832928
I don't think I could ever be ready for this shit, but go ahead. I'm dry heaving as we speak.
>>16831762
>red and white kimono
sounds like some sort of shrine maiden, but I have yet to here of a onryo shrine maiden
>>16832928
bel air incoming
>>16832918
>Yes, the fault I was assaulted with what should be classified as biological warfare/terrorism wasn't enough for her
>She needed to prove me guilty of something, of course!
>"She told me that you hit her head against the floor the other night. Why don't we look at that?"
>Think about that for a second
>Wait
>That might actually come on the footage
>I might actually get in trouble over that
>Fucking hell. All that for nothing?
>I wasn't backing down though. I still enough adrenaline pumping into me for me to engage into battle-mode on a whim
>Her challenge only made me more confident
>I still had faith that I would get through this
>Tell her that we should do exactly that
>We do, and guess what?
>The glass pane behind the desk clearly shows me going to her after she fell
>But it would definitely show me dropping her head
>Yet, in only a moment, I'm filled with nothing but pure victory
>Happiness, even
>Pope "Got-A-Nigga's-Back" Francis effectively covered up what happened with his visage
>No evidence of any wrongdoing, just me trying to help her
>All I can focus on as tears threaten to come out is his fucking smiling face
>The slick bastard was watching me the entire time, and was in the exact spot he needed to be in to save my ass
>I fucking felt alive again
>In the end, I learned a few things
>The shit woman was forced to attend senior rehab classes to help curb her behavior, the nun had bipolar disorder and basically lost all credibility with the convent, and I was absolved of all blame by the cops
>I realize that the world works in strange ways
>Pope Francis was cleaned up and at my request, now guards over the security guards behind the desk
>The informant from earlier says the tenants now call me "Nut Buster" instead of "Cutie" now
>And my boss gave a raise of about a dollar. Not great, but not bad.
And that's my story. Tell me what you think, ask questions, etc..
>>16832992
You're an absolute mad man and I don't think I could do your job ever. You've greatly increased my respect for security guards though.
>>16832992
good job son
>>16832992
>>16832992
top pope, my man
based pope
>>16832999
Thing is, this is extremely abnormal for security. The chances of something like this ever happening is super minimal. Irony is that I TRADED this shift with someone who needed to visit their mom in the hospital or something.
Thank fuck I finally got this off my chest though. I was planning on taking this shit to my grave until I saw the OP. Never told anyone else, but I guess now you guys have the story. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I have in retrospect.
>>16832992
now i feel empty because it's over. i've spent my whole afternoon reading that.
>>16832992
I'm a believer now, anon. You have turned me into a Catholic. Good job.
>>16831762
>be me
>working at starbucks
>slow day
>pass time by jerking off
>suddenly front door opens
>zip up pants to look who it is
>white woman in her 20s
>"hi how may i take your order?"
>she orders pumpkin spice latte
>go off on a rant about white girls and pumpkin spice lattes
>kick her out
>she reports me to manager
>get fired
>proceed to jerk off as i walk out the door
>cum in spooky white woman's face
>>16833029
I have a small snippet if you want. Probably only one post's worth. Same lady, it just involves me fucking with her and a door at 4 in the morning.
>>16832992
Anon you went through some shit my friend, Literally. Thank you though this was the best story I've read in a long time.
>>16832992
Thank you based Francis!
>>16833047
i do.
>>16832992
You rock.
>>16833047
>>16833072
Okay, here it goes:
>It's 4 AM.
>I'm fucking dying over here behind the desk
>Forgot coffee and didn't sleep well before the shift
>Need to find ways to keep myself awake, because my laptop is doing a shit job of it
>See car pull up near main entrance
>Wondering who the fuck could be coming home at this time
>Good fucking lord, it's her
>Shit woman is being led inside by another woman who always trail mix and cookies
>Conflicted, because the cookie lady is such a sweetheart and has to sometimes look after this freakazoid bitch
>Relent, let bygones be bygones
>Open door for them
>They come in and cookie lady says she's going to head around back and park her car in the lot over there
>Says she's going to come in through the back door
Note: Back door is a short hallways between shit lady's door and the super's. I can see what's going on there due to camera positioning finally being fixed. Also worth nothing is that it's like twenty feet away, so I can hear what's going on easy-peasy.
>She heads towards the door, then stops
>Tells shit woman to wait by the back entrance, probably knowing about previous friction
>I act courteous because I love those cookies
>Shit woman heads back there as I watch her go from the monitors
>She hooks a left and goes into back entrance hallway
>I don't know how the hell she knew this, but there's literally only one blindspot there that couldn't be fixed
>She positioned a chair by the back door that was under the camera for that hallway, and right against the wall attached to the adjacent hallway
>In other words, I can only make out a tiny sliver of a her chair
>Minute goes by, cookie lady hasn't rung the buzzer yet
>I sometimes hit the buttons to open doors for no real reason, so I decide to do that now without thinking about it
>Door opens, obviously no one there
>Shit woman stands, thinking her friend was there
>Sits down
>I realize now that I have a tool for revenge
Cont., gonna make this a two-post one.
>>16832992
Isn't pope Francis the best pope ever?
You are welcome, mijo.
>>16832992
Pope Francis was there like >picrelated
>>16832992
I want to believe
>>16833106
This is like a filler episode for my Japanese cartoons
And today, our hero has told us the story of how he defeated the Senile Shit Slinger
Does sigil Magic honestly work? I might try it.
>>16831762
There's a legend that on Halloween if you wear you clothes backwards and walk backwards you'll see a ghost or something.
>>16833154
that sounds fucking stupid
>>16833106
>Just start opening the door every 30 seconds or so
>Closes by itself so I let it get about halfway and open it again, as if someone's standing in the doorway
>Shit woman is getting upset
>I stop for a second so her guard gets down
>Stop myself from opening it as she gets up and carefully navigates to the door's side, so she won't trigger the motion sensor
>Let her peek through the glass into the night for a second
>Her face is against the glass
>Open door and she smacks her face against the frame
>I freeze up in shock
>Realize I just caused this woman to hurt herself
>Start laughing, barely able to keep it quiet enough that she can't hear it
>Remember she's half deaf
>Just laugh full force
>Realize that even with Pope Francis guarding me well being, I'm probably going to hell for this
>No point in turning back now
>Keep opening and closing the door with wild abandon now
>Woman is forced back into a corner, shocked beyond belief
>Flip switch for that hallway light and start flickering it
>Spot her friend leaving her car with a bunch of groceries
>Probably why she took so long
>Cut it all out, leave lights on, don't open door
>Cookie lady rings buzzer and comes in
>Shit woman grabs onto her, blubbering about how the door is crazy and she isn't imagining it
>Force myself not to laugh (again)
>Cookie lady comes to front desk and asks about the door
Cont., sorry, it's going to be a three-parter. I overestimated my ability to write short shit.
>>16833166
fuck that's funny
>>16833166
Based anon, do you have any more stories of senile tennants?
>>16833154
>>16833157
I can see the idea behind it. The ghost thinks you're walking the other way, so it materializes 'behind' you, except this way you can actually see it. Like the Boos in Mario.
>>16833166
>I give her this look of realization
>I ask if the sensor is acting up again
>She nods her head, obviously tired of all the fucking escapades of the day
>Sigh and tell her that the generator in the basement tests itself around now, so parts of the breaker get high levels of voltage or hardly any, sometimes both in succession
>In other words, I bullshitted an explanation on how I think electricity in a building works
>It works
>Cookie lady, the sweetheart, makes an O-face and nods her head
>"You know what, that makes sense that they'd do that around now."
>Agree and also notice she looks dead tired
>Offer to help carry up her groceries
>She looks beyond relieved
>Grab a shopping cart from the nearby electrical closet and load everything up
>Shit woman watches me very carefully,
occasionally barking orders in a loud, ear-piercing and shrill voice
>"NO! MILK ON TOP! NOT CAN!"
>Sympathetic look from cookie lady, who pats my shoulder
>We head up and I help put away the groceries
>Cookie lady gives me, guess what, cookies
>Plus a kiss on the cheek, but I don't mind that too much considering she's not that bad looking for her age
>She asks me to escort her "friend" down to the lobby
>I agree, obviously. Don't want to look unsympathetic.
>We head down the elevator in silence
>She stares at me with those bug eyes as I put away the shopping cart
>Suddenly decide I now want the smooth jazz and Scottish folk music back on
>Turn it on from the electrical closet
>She screams
>Sit down at desk as she walks by
>Alternates between staring at me and Francis through the glass pane
>As she passes the back entrance hallway, she stops and looks at it
>Stays there for a minute
>Decides nothing will happen, starts walking away
>Open door suddenly, she fucking freezes in place, nearly falling over
>Flicker lights a bit
>Turn off lights in nearby hallway
>Complete darkness
>She runs into her room, slams the door
>Flick lights on, super looks out, then goes back to sleep.
Fin.
>>16833183
At a different location that I really don't like, which is also an independent senior apartment complex, there's this guy who's slightly less out of it than shit woman.
The guy dresses like a fucking bum off the street despite the cushy living arrangements per apartment, stares at you while walking by, continues to do so even after saying "hi" and will fucking circle the area around the front desk and mailboxes to no damn end. Drives me up the wall sometimes.
Got a story about him, but it's not really funny. Mostly me getting aggravated at this guy's antics.
>>16833233
You wanna tell it, or not? Either way, you're a really good writer, also, when did These events take place?
>>16833252
I'm gonna go have dinner then bust a nut.
If the thread's still up by then, I'll type it up.
>>16833272
Farewell brave security anon
>>16833218
>Flicker lights a bit
The coup de grâce.
>>16833004
Thanks for screen cap fam
>>16833106
>>16833106
>>16833218
Someone please screencap this as well.
>>16832658
kek
>>16833415
>>16833218
Just wondering, how old is the shit woman?
>>16833431
Thank you, my good man.
>>16833272
Godspeed, Senile Shit Slinger Slayer
>>16833252
Events took place a few months back, when I was renewing my SORA license. Second with the door and lights was literally three days ago.
>>16833442
Probably somewhere between 70-80, maybe mid 80's.
>>16833457
Thank you. I'm back so tell me which story you guys want to hear:
Bingo Seizure Woman
Bum Tenant Circling Me Man
Defecates on the Floor Abruptly Woman
>>16833481
All of the above (?)
All sound pretty interesting
>>16833481
Bingo seizure woman first pls
>>16833481
you should create a separate thread just for those stories.
>>16831762
Oreos are cookies not ghosts
>>16833488
>>16833500
I'll go down the list.
>>16833510
Yeah, I honestly feel like I ruined OP's thread. Sorry about that, friend. I got carried away.
>>16833521
Who cares?
OP made a shitty thread anyway.
