I'm an aspiring writer with little to no confidence in myself, so basically my request is to take a look at the first chapter of my novel attempt and tell me what you think. Any and all criticisms, good, bad, or just calling me a faggot, are accepted
Here it is
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1p6fVsxznKtLC78x8uWJjP5Cq2MRusqnYteDhUa0NWUw/edit?usp=sharing
>>142521
>"there are no rules in war"
>"armed only with the hands they had been born with"
cringe
>>142523
What should I change, then? Instead of just saying it's bad, what do I do to make it better?
>>142523
you sure are a helpful bugger aren't you
>>142525
>Not that anon
Now now. Iff you allow us to just call you a faggot then leave, yet take someone calling your writing cring then leaving with all the grace ofa blimp, you'll look a hypocrite, no?
Onto criticism of your writing, do understand first that writing is somewhat of an abstract thing to judge; as one works by a writing style that is obvious but unexplainable, due to being little more than flavour of wording, one can do little more to critique than do so on individual instances and pray that you get the gist.
Awkward mini essay aside, my first nitpick that you seem to dislike describing characters. The Yonara and Irena get a decent amount of description, and the variably titled shadow at least gets comments on his eyes and stave, but the others are pretty starved for detail. The remaining characters get varying amounts of personality at least, but in the first chapter where you set shit up, introducing characters by a mere name is a little weak. the nametoggling shadow's segment feels rather weak, as it's soley devoted to lampshading how fucked up Hala is. She can get away with no description as the flavour given, but the blantant antagonist needs a physical descriptor, not just 'wizard with sister complex'. Something so we can see the swishing villainous cloak or what have you when he's first seen by a protagonist and the reader hype can increase. At least do it for the plot point, even if you'd rather keep readers in the dark.
The lack of description of Guan is just criminal. While I can see you merging the 'action girl trained in boxing by her dad' and 'father figure that's tragically killed off' tropes, you really can't avoid giving us a single word of description for such an obviously important character and get away with it. While I'd also comment on Duvan, you should get the idea.
There are a couple other things that irk me, such antagonist's steriotypical name and the jarring start, but I'm pushing the word count as is.
