Mario, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.
I want you to digest this because before I leave in 4 weeks as /vr/’s favorite mascot, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.
I don’t hate you, Mario. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in this industry.
I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing the game critics ass.
You’re as good as kissing the game critics ass as Zelda is. I don’t know if you’re as good as Pac-Man though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.
Whoops! I’m breaking the fourth wall! (Sonic waves to the camera)
I am the best video game character in the world.
Is this a shoot?
mario
I thought we were a-friends, Sonic.
>>3320858
I'm still clueless as to what are you trying to do by posting "mario" in a lot of threads... what does it mean?
>>3320860
>>3320858
>>3320854
I’ve been the best since day one when I walked into this industry. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Yuji Naka saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a Yuji Naka guy. You know who else was a Yuji Naka guy? NIGHTs. And he (or she) split just like I’m splitting. But the biggest difference between me and NIGHTs is I’m going to leave the industry as /vr/’s favorite video game character.
I’ve grabbed so many of Arin Hanson’s brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that there just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for 25 years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best with this attitude, with my games, even in my comic books! Nobody can touch me!
And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely top 10 lists. I’m not covered at E3. I’m barely cared about by SEGA. I don't get to have big roles in movies. I’m certainly not on any crappy game on the PS4 or Xbox One. I’m not getting any news about whatever my next game is anymore. I’m not on the poster that’s produced for E3. I’m not on Conan O’Brian. I’m not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.
This isn’t sour grapes. But the fact that Mario and Pac-Man are considered to be timeless greats and I’m not makes me sick!
Actual autism, GG OP.
>>3320871
>2016
>not having autism
Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are giving those top 10 lists views without me right now. You’re the ones that buy those E3 programs that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the Flying Battery Zone, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on /v/ because you’re too lazy to go get a real job.
I’m leaving as /v/’s favorite video game character on July 22nd. And hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it in /vr/. Maybe…I’ll go back to /sthg/.
(Sonic looks at the camera and waves)
Hey, Alex Kidd, how you doing?
![cm_punk_sonic_style_by_sonamy_666-d4el7zd[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ViwSXp2.jpg "cm_punk_sonic_style_by_sonamy_666-d4el7zd[1].jpg")
>>3320878
Oh man, I can't believe he namedropped ALEX KIDD.
You tell 'em Sonic. Mario sucks!
>>3320858
Did your mommy leave you unattended? I know, the internet is fun, but put the fucking keyboard down Junior
>>3320890
Kek
sup sonic, it's Axel from Streets of Rage
>>3321018
yo
Link, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.
I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks as the coolest Nintendo character, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.
I don’t hate you, Link. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in this industry.
I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Shigeru Miyamoto's ass.
You’re as good as kissing Shiggy's ass Fox McCloud is. I don’t know if you’re as good as Mario though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.
Whoops! I’m breaking the fourth wall! (Samus waves to the camera)
I am the coolest character in any Nintendo game.
>>3321370
kek
Don't you have a Speed addiction to overcome?
>>3321370
I’ve been the coolest since day one when Metroid came out. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Satoru Okada saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a Satoru Okada guy. You know who else was a Satoru Okada guy? Pit. And he split just like I’m splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Pit is I’m going to leave the industry as undisputed coolest Nintendo character.
I’ve grabbed so many of Miyamoto’s brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that there just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for 30 years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best with this blaster, with my missles, even with my screw attack! Nobody can touch me!
And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not in your trailers. I’m not on the cover of Super Smash Bros. I’m barely promoted. I don't get to have big roles in movies. I’m certainly not on any crappy game on the Wii U. I’m not on the poster that’s produced for E3. I’m not on YouTube. I’m not on Twitch. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.
This isn’t sour grapes. But the fact that Link and Mario are considered to be timeless greats and I’m not makes me sick!
>>3320849
Sonic Youth
>>3321386
Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are going crazy over those promo trailers without me right now. You’re the ones that buy those Smash games that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the surface of Crateria, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on the Nintendo E-Shop because you’re too lazy to go get a real job.
I’m leaving as the coolest Nintendo character on July 22nd. And hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it at Sony. Maybe…I’ll go to Microsoft.
(Sonic looks at the camera and waves)
Hey, Banjo, how you doing?
>>3321394
>Sonic looks at the camera and waves
Fuck, I botched that
Hey Mario....
:)
>>3321394
The reason I’m leaving is you people. Because after I’m gone, you’re still going to pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Shigeru Miyamoto is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, nonsensical, douchebag yes men, like Eiji Aonuma, who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this company will better after Shigeru Miyamoto is dead. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by his stupid protege and that doofus Reggie and the rest of those NoA idiots.
Let me tell you a personal story about Shigeru Miyamoto alright. We have this whole motion controls campaign...
[transmitter cuts off]
>>3320849
"I can't accept that you're better than me: The Post"
>>3320864
It means he's criminally insane, or there's some sort of ulterior motive.
>>3320878
Terrible, thanks for stealing me and Opa-Opa's jobs.
This thread is awesome. My two favorite things combined
>>3320878
Are you Anders Behring Breivik or something?
