Congratulations /vp/, your favourite Pokemon is now real.
However you, yes YOU, must hunt it down and bring its carcass to back to be studied. You heard me right, carcass, as in dead, as in you have to kill it. Oh, and don't worry, said Pokemon knows you're hunting it down and will fight tooth and nail for survival, additionally, if you pussy out like a faggot and not kill it, you'll be executed for failing your duty.
So how does it go?
>>27021918
>Palkia is real, and pissed.
I think we have bigger problems.
>>27021918
Befriend it and kill everyone.
>>27021918
>kil it
But anon they can't die ;^)
>>27021918
well it went bad
>>27021918
>Befriend fav pokémon
>become the emperor of earth
Pretty sure it ended in a draw/we both died.
>>27021918
>GHOSTS... CAN'T... DIE!
On a scale of 1 to fucked. Im Fucked.
If it can foresee me coming and predict every my move then there is not much i can do
>>27021918
> Gardevoir is real and killing everyone
> remembered copypaste where it raped a guy and killed everyone in hospital
Well *cough* I'm fucked. Where's my rifle then?
>>27021974
A young man, callow and foolish in
innocence, came to own a sword.
With it, he smote Pokémon, which gave
sustenance, with carefree abandon.
Those not taken as food, he
discarded, with no afterthought.
The following year, no Pokémon
appeared. Larders grew bare.
The young man, seeking the missing
Pokémon, journeyed afar.
Long did he search. And far and wide,
too, until one he did find.
Asked he, "Why do you hide?"
To which the Pokémon replied...
"If you bear your sword to bring
harm upon us, with claws and
fangs, we will exact a toll.
"From your kind we will take our
toll, for it must be done.
"Done it must be to guard ourselves
and for it, I apologize."
To the skies, the young man shouted
his dismay.
"In having found the sword, I have
lost so much.
"Gorged with power, I grew blind
to Pokémon being alive.
"I will never fall savage again.
This sword I denounce and forsake.
"I plead for forgiveness,
for I was but a fool."
So saying, the young man hurled the
sword to the ground, snapping it.
Seeing this, the Pokémon disappeared
to a place beyond seeing...
>>27022000
How would you even try and defeat Nidoking?
>approach it from the ground
Earth power
>approach it from above
Thunderbolt/ice beam
>try to wrestle with it
Superpower/poison jab
>>27021918
If this were gen III, this'd be very easy. Now the little bugger can outrun me regardless of what I do, and reflect some of my attacks. Do we get an access to a time machine?
>>27022081
Brool Story Co.
>>27022127
It's a lore tale in sinnoh in canalve library
>>27021918
>Articuno is real.
Eh. It may be legendary but it's no god. if I can hire out some sort of flame throwing device I'm sure I'll be fine.
>>27021918
>Moltres
It will be in some inaccessible mountain, I would never find it and even if I did I'm boned.
>>27022188
Nigga just throw some rocks at it
If they wanted to study it, they shouldn't have let it escape.
>>27022168
>Non-stab flamethrower coming from a pitiful sp atk
It won't do shit to it, remember charizard's flamethrower can melt boulders, can yours do this?
>>27022198
Me throwing rocks is a like a level 1 machop using rock throw.
technically super effective but still almost no harm.
>>27021918
My favorite pokemon is made up of pure plasma and is untouchable. Furthermore it can possess anything that has a motor, like a truck, a tank, a chainsaw, a fighter jet, etc. I'm completely and utterly fucked. I'll never see it coming.
>>27022227
>stab
>flamethrower, the move
sorry, didn't realize this was actually taking place in the pogeymon world.
>>27022254
throw big rocks with a catapult or trebuchet then
Sorry bro, I'll have to stab you with some icicles
>>27021918
Jokes on you OP, I don't live in an authoritarian shit hole.
>>27022292
Remember it's habitat is mountainous areas and it flies around fast.
All I have to do is give it a hard shove.
>>27022328
Well you could always just bomb the shit out of the mountain
>>27021918
Fresh off of Deviantart, kiddo? This is some prime edgefic you've got here.
There's no way I can physically fight this thing
>>27022320
Just drop a fucking freezer on his head.
>>27021918
Butterfree also butterflies don't live long anyway, so befriend it for a short while until butterfly genetics kills it naturally since it would have no compatible mate.
Or go with Metapod since i'd assume the Metapod shell would remain, deal was the carcass of the pokemon it never mentioned it's evo.
I've got a really big pain resistance to needles and thorns penetrating my skin for some reason.
So all I need is a homemade flamethrower made out of hairspray and a lighter and I'm game.
>>27022467
But what if the freezer fights back?!
>>27022448
I know it's a ghost but... the coffin is a solid object right?
Just melt down the coffin, or fucking dent it, or, idk just fuck it up. And then somehow bring the carcass back.
I can go the easy way, and just shoot it since its weak to steel, or the hard way, and train in martial arts to ave an epic fight to the death in a frigid hailstorm
>>27022121
>inmune to physical attacks
>can reflect bullets
>Always moves before you
How do we beat this thing for him /vp/?
>>27022522
I have no idea what to say. Sorry.
>>27022584
give it gems coating in fairy dust
>>27022544
>and train in martial arts to ave an epic fight to the death in a frigid hailstorm
Anon, you would literally get fucked in the bottom by this thing.
>>27022544
Bullet is an answer. 7.62×51 right between the eyes.
>>27022584
>prankster AND magic bounce
realistically it would only have Prankster.
>>27022630
the second I touch it it would faint
>>27022653
fucked in the bottom, anon.
Tell my family I fought bravely
>>27022673
H O T
Gardevoir would also know I absolutely mean it no harm, so I get instant win code. Also, why the heck do I have to kill it? Fools can get their studies from some other place. I have a loyal as all get-out bodyguard who isn't above using blackholes. I think I am pretty confident in telling everyone I don't like to be gone.
Anon, I couldn't.
However, I guess my .45 would do the trick once I got over the feels.
>>27022676
And then proceed to show the footage of you dying of a little bitch
>>27022645
You'd still have a tiny demon jumping from the shadows burning you and confusing you, and anytime you'd hurt it, it would just heal up before you dealt the finishing blow.
>Torterra
I wait until winter and prey it snows and freezes it, hopefully the corpse will be preserved.
>>27022584
Traps. Then move in a way that it dodges to where you placed the trap.
Poor Kakuna, stepping on it was kind of hard.Specially after harden.
>>27022676
>Mr. and Mrs. Anon, we regret to inform you that your child has died fighting one of the deadliest beasts known to mankind.
>W..what!? Did he at least die with dignity?
>Yes, as much dignity someone can die with while they have a sentient hunk of steel ripping their asshole straight down the middle.
>...
>You have our condolences. Good day.
Make it choke on my dick
>>27022701
at least your shitty taste saved you from being killed by something
>>27021918
I'm dead
>>27022841
Just throw a book at it
Does this look like the face of mercy?
>>27022818
Made my evening.
>Shedinja
Not only am I fucked but so is my soul
Live the rest of my life running from the Law with my new best friend. I am okay with this.
>>27022828
Fair enough. However, I will inform you that I am indeed a complete fag, and like Eevee because it's cute and has lots of evolution. I'm not good enough at the game to pick a good one, so I just kinda do it for fun.
Well Since Quagsire Is Now Confirmed OU Where All Fucked.
She can see the future, read my mind and teleport. Then again, I would probably just defect and live in reclusion with her, teleporting away everytime she sees that some other hunter is getting close.
>>27022860
A book is a physical object anon. Hell, Machamp uses computer like an expert, shitposting at 4x capacity
>>27023022
They are physical psychic moves anon, like psycho cut
>invisible
>jungle showdown
>be like hunting Predator
I'M HERE, C'MAAN DO IT, KILL ME DO IT NAOWW
>>27023056
I can't imbue mental powers on a book
>>27022693
>>27022959
>>27023014
So, you would basically live this movie, but instead of fighting for your family, you're fighting to stay with your Pokemon? I'd watch it.
>>27022693
>>27022959
>>27023014
I bet you'd be sent to hunt a serperior, just because you three think like a contrarian
>>27022991
oh I'm just tired of everyone being obsessive fanboys about eevee and its evolutions. You don't seem like those kind of people though.
![f889b34e4854b733ba62e9c6517964a0[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/G5sqLqX.jpg "f889b34e4854b733ba62e9c6517964a0[1].jpg")
I have third-degree burns in 30% of my body, but I gain a nice hat.
>>27023097
It's not much of a fight when your pokemon has powers like seeing the future, controlling minds, putting people to sleep, eating their dreams, reading minds, teleporting and other bullshit.
>>27022027
Do you know who the artist is?
>>27023065
She says the jungle... it just came alive and took him.
So you want me to kill a plant that doesn't have much? (Granted, it still has some Poison-type moves, absorbing and Solar Beam, but it's not a Charizard or whatever)
You monster. We could do so much more with it alive.
>>27021974
Fainting is literally "near death" in Japan.
>>27023259
Just look up gengar shirt designs.
>>27023259
Goldcucco
>>27021918
>volcarona
I'll just befriend it and send it burn the faggots down.
>>27023079
I can
>catching Lopunny
>>27023147
Sorry, they said pokemon I like. I like gardevoir.
>Steelix
It was nice knowing you faggots. This will be quick and painless.
>>27021918
>Heracross
A-anyone got a flyswatter?
>>27021918
>Kyogre
fuck
I think this may be a problem
>>27025699
>This will be quick and painless
>implying it won't be a slow and agonising death as you are left to rot, impaled on Steelix's iron tail
>>27025741
>impaled on steelix's iron tail
he'll be fine
>>27023097
Would be funny, there would have to be at least one guy with zero in his name. Probably a general sent out to try to take me and my gardevoir out. I could utter the line, "He used to be General Zero, now just plain Zero!"
"LUGIA is so powerful even a light fluttering of its wings can blow apart houses. As a result, it chooses to live out of sight deep under the sea."
"It sleeps in a deep-sea trench. If it flaps its wings, it is said to cause a 40-day storm."
it was nice meeting you all
i'll be alright
>>27021918
I find it and fuck it instead.
>>27021918
>(Mega) Tyranitar
>vanilla Tyranitar causes mountain-shattering earthquakes when it walks and can change the landscape with a single hand
>rock-hard armor and defensive sand screen lets it shrug off whatever pitiful assault I or most militaries could muster against it
Going by the Pokedex, I'm not sure anything short of nuclear force could stop it. Hell, given that it's basically Godzilla, nuclear weapons might even make it stronger.
>inb4 just punch it
Earth humans aren't doing shit to 100/110 or 100/150 physical defenses.
>>27021918
I will not harm a hair on Meloetta's head.
Execute me, if you must.
I won't do it.
>>27023022
Ok. What's this from?
![[002710].gif](https://i.imgur.com/CsvtD1l.gif "[002710].gif")
>Mismagius
>Dusknoir
How do ya' kill what's already dead?
Couldn't I just have them tag along to the lab and have them phase right the fuck outta there after they're done?
>Feraligatr
Can I get help from Steve Irwin? If not I'm fucked. I don't know the first thing about trying to kill an alligator or crocodile
>>27021918
Why kill it when a living specimen is infinitely more useful to science? Seems like bullshit to me
>>27028877The real experiment is fucking Anon up.
>>27022081
>>27022100
guns
>Ninjask
Well rip me, bro gets to live his life, no point in even trying.
/vp/ won't have to worry about me shitposting anymore.
>>27022168
or throw a pebble
>>27028212
Ice punch :^)
Flygon. I'm going to need a professional group of hunters to help me out or else I am screwed.
>>27021918
>Shedinja
I'm assuming I don't have access to ghost or dark-type attacks. How do I burn, throw a rock at it, or send birds on it without completely destroying the carcass?
>Mamoswine
>I'm tasked with killing the last Mammoth
This feels awful.
>Toxicroak
A slow and painful death wasn't how I planned to go out.
>>27032072
Get some sharp ice.
>>27032078
Big rock or get a big fan and throw wind at it.
>>27032097
Develop psychic powers
>>27032149
Sounds good to me.
>>27022676
Real talk, how would you even fight a Metagross, even without any restrictions? I can't really think of any way you could beat a psychic spider tank made of solid steel that has the intelligence of a supercomputer that isn't "blow it up from far away".
>>27032121
The thing with rocks is that Shedinja would just crumple into something unfit to be studied. Depending on how much/how sharp wind is required to kill a Shedinja, it might crumple using that method too.
>>27032240
That's the thing shedinja has only a couple of weaknesses and it wouldn't be as simple as catching it with a bug net which you know wouldnt make sense cuz any kind of container easily it could faze through any kind of box you try to trap it and the only real way to even try to contain it would be to go all Ghostbusters.
>>27023315
It'd be like that jurassic Park scene with the raptor
>clever girl
>>27032233
Don't forget a FLYING psychic spider tank that will eat you if you fuck up. Likely alive.
Possibly, and just a guess, given that I don't know Metagross' physiology, but enough electricity might knock it out. Get a fuckawesome taser, and home to whatever you pray to that Metagross can't sense living creatures psychically, and hope that it doesn't have super-hearing, then ambush it. Or else trick it by letting it "capture" you, then tase the fuck out of it and hope that Metagross can get knocked out that way, and that your super-taser is super enough. Make sure to wear a rubber jumpsuit!
>>27032084
At least you know how to do it. Run it off a cliff with spears.
>>27021918
You know, like, 70% of the pokedex, give or take, are utterly shut down by either a high-power taser, or a tranquilizer gun, and have issues if bound up in a tiny net. Most psychic types can't stop a bullet, either. Bring the thing in alive for better science.
Ghosts? Yeah, I got nuthin. Get a vacuum, and coat it with a layer of everything you have ever heard of that stops ghosts. One of them might be right, even if you end up with a vacuum covered in 3 feet of shit.
If the person who assigned you is such a retard that they insist on a dead specimen, look for someone else more interested (fucking anyone) willing to offer you protection in exchange for the scientific breakthrough of the century.
>>27021918
Nice try, but I refuse to indulge your fetish.
>>27023014
>she
What's in it for me exactly?
As It stands I wouldn't mind dying If it meant avoiding murdering my favorite pokemon. Specially since the scenario makes it sound like I'll be killing the only one.
>>27021918
>Call me Ishmael
>>27032029
>neutral against Rock/Dark
Chucking ice isn't going to do anything.
>>27032465
>and have issues if bound up in a tiny net.
>>27021918
>Trevenant
>can control the forest and trap people within
>ghost, probably immortal
>Forest's Curse sounds painful
Well I'm screwed.
Quick slash with a steel-bladed knife. It's super-effective!
Can i change my favorite to one of the genies then?
>>27021918
>>27021918
Sceptile
I have a handgun, rifle, my hunting dog, a combat knife and a pickup truck to haul it.
Vs
A man-sized, very fast lizard with plant powers and leaf blades that probably hangsout in the canopy.
My ass is grass.
>>27021918
I'm a faggot so my fav is Cyndaquil. Stomp it with my foot and crush it's skull while it's sleeping.
>aquire one of these babies
>fuck shit up for every pokemon
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvIJvPj_pjE
Porygon-Z...
Because it's in a computer, it has to be in a server somewhere.
There's probably no way to truly track it down and extract it from the computer, you'd have to find what machine it's on, then disconnect it from the internet so it can't escape, THEN you'd have to run some kind of program to kill it and get it out of the computer.
HOW you would get it out of the computer is beyond me, but you could bring it in trapped and alive more easily than you could bring it in dead.
>>27032442
Throw a single caltrop on the floor
>>27021918
My favorite is Lairon, and I'm enough fit for street fight not for hunting down 120kg giant lezard made of iron
>>27021918
>Regirock
I don't have any ballistic weaponry, so I guess this means I get crushed
>Garchomp
Better kill myself right away than try to hunt it down
How fuck am I supposed to kill a rock?
I'd totally befriend my 'mon and then turn in a normal rock to scientists.
Here, a dead carcass.
>thousand year old cactus
>follows desert travelers until they are about to die
>often come in groups
Looks like I'm gonna be gang raped by cactuses that have been alive for thousands of years
>>27032233
>phychic
>weakness to Ghost and Dark
Spook it to death
>Charizard
Just throw a rock at it, easy
>>27021918
>Have to kill a Scyther
Well if you clean it and discard the bones in the river after it's studied, the Pokemon will begin life anew or something.
Explain that to it and it will gladly die for science.
Can a tazer kill an alligator?
Well shit.
>Aegislash
>mfw it steals my soul and i spend the rest of my life trapped in a giant ghost sword
comfy
>>27021918
You're pretty much fucked no matter what type of Pokemon it is. Every Pokemon has some kind of super natural power that will bring you down to the ground.
>>27021918
Jumpluff is easy, but man it would be hard. It sucks at battling in its world, I'd feel really bad man.
>>27021918
But Gengar is already dead, anon
>>27021918
Fuck you, OP. I'm going to keep my fucking bulbasaur alive, let them take small blood samples or wilted greens from her as she molts them, and kick anyone's ass that tried to take her from me.
Not everything needs to end in heatache and death, you sociopathic, jackass edgelord.
>>27042559
Then Jumpluff uses spore and slowly kills your unconscious body.
Sharpedo? I've been a fisherman all my life and have fought sharks before. But a shark that can do 75 mph? That would be a challenge. The most I've ever fought is a 200 pound Mako that could do 60 mph. But getting it to the side of the boat, gaffing it, and killing it wouldn't be too hard...minus all the biting moves is could know.
It'd be tough, but not impossible.
>Ninjask
Nigga I can't even catch up to this thing.
I'd probably just run off with him desu.
>>27028466
>not havng mismagius sing perish song at the lab
just team up with any pokemon that can cause massdeath
>throw an apricot at it
>donate non-vital samples like shed scales/skin, trimmed hair, and excretory matter
>command my giant monster to defend itself from poachers
>>27023022
Which manga is this?
![250px-479Rotom[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/mmzwNgm.png "250px-479Rotom[1].png")
> fighting a fire-breathing toaster oven or a washing machine that shoots water like a fire hose
> its standard body is made out of pure energy
I'm probably dead. Can I use an EMP or something?
>>27021918
>Exeggutor
Taking one down shouldn't be a very big deal. I'd just make some shitty napalm rounds for my double barrel, what the fuck could it do to stop me?
Can't hit me with a solar beam before I shoot it.
Probably won't even be able to get a psychic off either. It's too fucking slow.
I'll kick its ass.
>scrafty
Assuming I can shoot it before my head gets kicked off, but then again I never fired a gun.
I don't have a flamethrower, but I'll do like Snake did and use an aerosol can and a lighter.
I think I stand a pretty okay chance against it. But, if it can mega evolve, I'm fucked.
>>27021918
>this thing can run at the speed of a car
At least I'll die to my favorite pokemon
>>27043826
>carves up BATTLESHIPS for fun with its fins
Bro I don't care if you're Makoto Nagano. You're not going to 1v1 a Sharpedo from a fishing boat.
>>27021918
>Masquerain
I'll just squish it
>>27025721
Same
The fight gets progressively harder due to reversal. At least hera isn't that fast
>>27038135
Just spray it with a hose, anon.
>ghost pokemon dying
>Meditite
I pray that it attacks me with High Jump Kick AND misses twice in a row.
>>27021918
Fuck it, I'll go on the run from the law with my bro.
>>27021918
Why the carcass?
Wouldn't the scientists want the Pokemon alive? After all, we're implying there's only one of its kind.
They're gonna want it alive, for as long as possible, so they can study what it does and how it functions, as well as the body alive and intact. They're not going to want it riddled full of bullet holes.
...Especially since the easiest way to kill a Porygon-Z, deleting it, wouldn't leave much of a trace.
>>27045824
That's the lost souls room; a room for ghosts that have been exorcised. The poor devils. That's death for the dead. It's all in the handbook.
>>27021918
>Farfetch'd
Not too hard.
>>27046488
But can you resist the temptation of eating the carcass?
If infernape dies it's flame would go out, why kill it when its most interesting/baffling feature requires a functioning system.
>Porygon-Z
I guess I could like
Download it onto an old floppy disc yeah?
>>27021918
>Quagsire
EZ PZ
Please god it's just another Beetle
>can't we study literally any other beetle?
>why my bro?
>>27050217
What site is that in the picture?
I'd gladly take the execution.
I'll take death by firing squad over this. I'd be fucked so many ways, new ones would get invented.
>>27022000
>>27022168
>>27022224
>>27022701
>>27022803
>>27022841
>>27022959
>>27031585
>>27040349
>>27040610
>>27042598
>>27045136
>>27046488
>>27052737
>all these genwunners ITT
fucking kill yourselves the lot of you. You are all fucking cancer destroying pokemon
IAN, FREEZE
