Do You Survive?!
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You are currently reading a thread in /vp/ - Pokemon
You are currently reading a thread in /vp/ - Pokemon
You are a Prisoner sentenced to be executed in the Roman Colosseum. As punishment for your crimes, you will be forced to face wild beasts for the amusement of the Roman public. Luckily for you, The Emperor has taken mercy and will grant you your freedom if you can defeat a random pokemon in an unarmed fight to the death! As you take your place on the bloodstained sands of the arena, the trapdoor on the opposite side of the ring slowly opens to reveal...
http://randompokemon.com/
The question is, can you defeat this monster?
What is your strategy?
If you do die, did you at least put up a good fight?
>>26039631
>Lairon
I'm fucked.
>Torchic
Warm tiny chicken fluffer. I think I'll be ok as long as it doesn't evolve during the battle
>Haxorus
It was nice knowing you.
>Lillipup
I think I'll be fine. Maybe a bit mentally scarred from having to kill a puppy, though.
>Zorua
I think it should be easy. Impersonating something won't work if it's just me and it in the ring.
>Wingull
>Empoleon
Well fuck.
>Caterpie
>Roserade
>>26039631
>Numel
I'll just tip the bastard onto it's back. It's stubby little legs won't be able to handle the huge hump, unless of course it Numel knows Bounce or ExtremeSpeed or something crazy.
Let me just check it's Pokedex description...
>Numel is extremely dull witted - it doesn't notice being hit.
Ah, thank god. I won't have to watch it suffer.
>...However, it can't stand hunger for even a second. This Pokémon's body is a seething cauldron of boiling magma.
FUCK.
>Gyarados
Well assuming it's a sandy arena, that will limit its movement, so I can just try and hide from it I guess?
Shit, it can just bounce the shit out of me, I am kill.
I would probably have a heart attack just seeing the damn beast anyway
>>26039699
> Furret
I'll probably go in overconfident and it'll constrict me to death within minutes.
>Ralts
That was easy.
>Hydreigon
RIP in pieces me
Jumpluff- I'm surviving
>igglybuff
>15 def
>Tornadus
Oh, so you finally decide to appear
>>26039684
same
>Ursaring
welp
>Hitmonchan
JUST
Emboar
F U G
U
G
>zubat
I think I'll be alright, as long as supersonic misses
I think I'll be okay.
>Luxio
Maybe I'll make it?
>Genesect
FUCK
>Lapras
I think I can't kill it, so I'd keep running around for hours but die of exhaustion in the end
>avalugg
Can i be set free of I last an hour with it. I'm pretty sure I can out walk it but if I have to fight that abomination im dead
>Zangoose
Uh, maybe? Gotta stay away from those claws, tho.
>purrloin
We have a dead cat on our hands
>Marill
>Little blue puffball
>Terrible stats
>Literally all of its pokedex entries are about how its tail lets it float
Easy money
>>26039888
You sure, bro? It's hasty and unpredictable, after all.
>bonsly
a durable little nugget but will still be an easy fight
<swadloon....
torch it
>Sceptile
I'd still probably die, but I feel like I'd at least have a chance.
>>26039631
>Whishmur
Well, I guess I just have to kick it into the public and cover my ears.
>Voltorb
I might make it if we're talking about anime electricity.
>>26039705
Gyrados can fly anyways.
what's i gonna do? give me a headache?
i'll be alright
>>26039716
>>26039888
You guys are underestimating the power of pokemon that can literally brainfuck you.
>>26040014
With what? Are you a fire pokemon?
>>26039631
>happiny
Holy fuck, I think I lucked out and got one of the best possible options here. I'm really wimpy though, I even have trouble breaking cardboard so it could still be a close fight, it could seismic toss me and I probably wouldn't live through that honestly
>Chatot
As long I can grab the little bugger before he murders my eardrums, I will survive this.
>>26040073
It can literally fuck you within the fist four moves it learns.
>Teleport
>Confusion
>Double Team
If it gets hax, you're stabbing yourself.
If not, it can still teleport away from you when you go after it.
And on top of that, you're going to have a tough time actually hitting it in the first place.
>>26039631
>masquerain
>squish
>profit?
>>26039888
I got Munna, too. I feel like I could take it if I drink a lot of coffee first.
Lilligant. I speak calmy with it, letting it know I'm friendly. And when I get close enough and it's lowered its guard, I cut its head off.
>Lotad
I turn it upside down
>>26039631
>Torchic
Well, I might get a burn, but I could just chase it and snap its neck.
>>26039652
We got the same thing!
>>26039631
>Sentenced to colisseum
>This fucking meme
Gladiators were stars, not random schmucks
>Gulpin
As long as I can manage some good distance, I should be okay.
>>26039631
>Rayquaza
FUG
U
G
>electrode
How do I evade the Aloha snackbar
![dog_kick[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ge8VjE8.jpg "dog_kick[1].jpg")
>Braixen
>Timid Shuckle
The crowd looks on in terror as the gates open. The strange beast, a living stone, comes forward. I rise to meet it. I walk forward... and drink some booze it's made in its shell. We keep each other company and nap as the emperor wonders what the shit he's paying his beastmaster for.
Magcargo
I need to pee........so yeah
Wobbuffet
Idk maybe?
>Kabutops
>Blissey
All I have to is give it a hard shove, and it'll die.
>simipour
I have a fear of monkeys. I'd probably have my face torn off. If I could get a grab on it I think I could twist it's neck but I'm leaning towards my face getting eaten.
>Mewtwo
>Aerodactyl
This will be fun
I'd feel quite guilty
>"It can knock a truck flying with its arm thrusts."
Well, life was fun.
>Karrablast
Ez game, ez life. I'd even spare the little shit.
>Munchlax
Maybe it won't try to kill me at least?
>Druddigon
I'm probably fucked. Maybe if I get on it's back I could go for the neck, but I don't know the internal physiology of a Druddigon.
>exeggcute
I think I have a fighting chance. I would just need to find the brain of the exeggcute and smash it.
>>26041009
What if it self destructs?
>>26041021
Chuck it like a grenade, preferably at the Roman Emperor.
>Cherubi
I'll survive!
AW SHIT
If the gods are merciful they will give me a weak opponent, knowing I am innocent of any wrongdoing.
.
.
.
>Mamoswine
Bisharp
Well. Someone get a broom and a mop. The colloseum will be needing it.
>>26039631
>Venonat
Squish
>>26039946
>has huge power
>>26041021
What this guy said:
>>26041036
It would just make my job easier.
>>26039631
It would be extremely painful.
>Gardevoir
welp
>Kabutops
gg no re
>>26039631
>Doublade
goodbye everyone
>Raichu
fuck
it's not hard enough to say "i am surely dead"
nor is it easy enough to say "i am surely alive"
>>26039631
>Barbaracle
Oddly appropiate, but I don't think I can, specially if it Shell Smashes.
Goodbye friends.
>Spiritomb
I can't even fucking touch it.
>>26042386
You don't touch the flames made of a a hundred screaming human souls, you dumbo.
You pick up the the rock and fucking throw it. As far as you can. Or just dig a hole in the sand and bury the rock.
If I defeat it, can I keep it as a bro? I'd really hate to put an end to such cute fucker. Maybe pretend to grapple with it and whisper to it to to tell it to fake dying.
>Drapion
yea Im fucked
>squirtle
I mean like...YEAH sure maybe, but..I don't wanna kill a wee bab like squirtle
>Ampharos
I mean it's a sheep so I don't think it would be that hard to kill, but I don't know how strong its electric powers are on a human.
>>26039631
Porygon-z
I'm boned
>>26039631
gg
>crustle
Its doable. Its slow as fuck so just kick it on its side and stomp its shell or attack its belly from behind. So long as it direct use earthquake I think I'm fine, it'll just take forever
>>26042443
Nope. Gotta kill it. Officials will check for signs of life when you're done and if you fail to kill it it's wild beasts for you
>>26043015
Rip in peace, Anon.
>>26040199
>dog
Fucking zodiac fags
>Lileep
It being part rock aside, I'd imagine slowly having my life force drained wouldn't feel good.
>Sharpedo
Well, it's a sandy arena I'm fighting in. This guy will just be flopping around.
Can I wait for it to suffocate from lack of water? Or maybe just dry out?
>>26043827
In real life ancient Rome, the coliseum was flooded in order to stage fake naval battles at least once. I wouldn't put it past them to flood it again, just to see someone get ripped apart by a monster shark.
>>26040152
Depends on the point in Roman history. Criminals weren't really gladiators anyway, unless they did something amazing like kill the wolf that was supposed to eat them.
>>26043872
Ah shit. In that case, I'm screwed.
>>26043827
Water types do just fine out of water in the games.
>>26039631
>Mew
Goodbye cruel world.
>>26039631
>Graveler
Shit.
>Darkrai
Literally as bad as it gets. Everyone else gets killed instantly. But Darkrai would just torment me slowly with deadly nightmares. Fuck this shit.
How do you even kill a ghost?
Anyway, this little shit looks dangerous, but not outright unbeatable if I manage to kill it before it sucks my life away.
>gastrodon
i think it would probably shoot ice and sludge at me besides i dont think i'd have it in me to kill any pokemon, maybe a luvdisc or something that isn't cute?
>>26044082
Are you saying luvdiscs aren't cute?
>>26039631
>rhyhorn
if i spit on it will it die? otherwise i'll just pray for a quick death
>>26043982
It's flame sucks out your soul slowly, so.
I got swoobat. Physically I could take it if I stayed mobile. With its psychic powers, it could probably beat me, though.
>>26040347
I like this.
I get Modest Floette. Hey, this looks easyit fought a war 3000 years ago and has been training itself ever since. I'm fertilizer.
>>26044376
Also depends on what weapon you have. If you've got a net or a trident, then you should be set. If you just have a sword that can't reach a flying monster, you've got problems.
> Grimer
It is literally a pile of sludge. Any punch or kick that I threw would just make a squish and leave it unharmed. Plus that thing has germs that could probably kill me in seconds if I touch it. So yeah I'm fucked.
I've watched enough hentai to know where this is going to go
> Hardy Xerneas
Damn
>Trevenant
This is going to be a slow victory... Or a slow death.
>>Elekid
Physically i could take it but its electric powers could kill me pretty fast. Id use a wooden sheild and kick up dirt in hopes of blocking the flow of electricity and throw daggers into its chest
Vibrava. Probably deaf by the end if it knows sonic boom/super sonic. And I will need to move a lot. I guess it depend on how it individually fights. I either take it down quickly or I get to tired and can't get close enough and eventually lose.
> Adamant Emboar
Ha, no
>>26039631
>Miltank
maybeeee
>Politoed
Come here and die you green-ass Tentaquil
>Brave Hopip
Yeah I'll be fine. Just jump on it repetedly.
>>26039631
>http://randompokemon.com/
>Remoraid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQKk99I3wTQ
>>26039631
Well shit. I'm prolly dead
>>26039631
>Bulbasaur
EASY MONEY
>Ekans
Either decapitate or stomp that fucker to death
>Muk
I'm just gonna kill myself, better than being swallowed by sentient toxic sludge and suffocating.
>Wingull
I think I can take the bird.
>>26039631
PUNCH THE FUCKER INTO OBLIVION AS IT DESPERATELY TRIES TO BE MY FRIEND
>>26045714
Step 1. Punch into oblivion
Step 2. Rake in EXP
Step 3. Evolve
Step 4. Destroy surroundings with new strength
>>26045729
I'M GOING TO FUCKING PUNCH THE WORLD
>>26039631
>Audino
Its fucked.
And then its killed.
Murder by skull-fuck.
>>26045786
WHY NOT MURDER BY PUNCHING?
>>26045805
Can I punch with my dick?
>>26045818
OF COURSE,
YOU CAN PUNCH WITH ANYTHING IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH.
AND IF YOU PUNCH IT WITH YOUR FISTS WHILE DOING IT, YOU GAIN EVEN MORE STRENGTH
>>26039859
Come at me you shortstack fuckin gook
Killed by a jolly god of death...
>>26039670
But your character doesnt know its a zorua
Maybe it comes out as fuckin heatran
>>26040174
RIP
>>26039631
>Corphish
I think I stand a pretty good chance.
Will probably try to either keep it at a distance or blind it by stabbing it in it's eyes and thensticking a taser up it's ass
>>26040549
Unless you can OHKO it or magically posion it your gonna have a bad time
>>26042370
>>26039631
Gothitelle.
>can see the future from the movement of the stars. When it learns its TraOmer's lifespan, it cries in sadness.
>Starry skies thousands of light-years away are visible in the space distorted by their intense psychic power.
At least it will mourn me before eviscerating me with it's brain.
>>26041116
Hey, your ancestors did it.
>>26045714
>Hey man I like your shirt!
>OOF!
>Yo we should go bowling sometime.
>AHH!
>>26046218
WELL NOW I FUCKING FEEL BAD FOR PUNCHING THEE THING STRAIGHT INTO HELL
>>26046495
Nah I get it man, you gotta do what you gotta do. I hear you humans are real smart and good doing stuff and what not, and you seem like a cool guy, so it would probably for the best if you were the one who gets to walk away from this. Just please try to make it quick.
>Shaymin
RIP me
>Buneary
I would rip it in half
>>26045285
Funny gif.
>Parasect
Most likely die, but if I can protect my face from its spores, I might stand a chance. Can I throw rocks from a distance?
>based Arceus.
well.
>Ho-Oh
Just fuck my shit up
W-What should I do, /vp/?
How can I make my death less painful?
>Zapdos
>Frillish
Welp, I'm dead. Plus side? I somehow end up in the ocean.
>Victini
Unluckiest person ever
>Combusken
>Arena full of sand
I'll just kick sand on it until it can't hit me. If it gets off a fire attack that hits me then I can quickly drop and roll and be out soon. The claws will be a challenge but I think I'd have a decent shot.
>Sewaddle
Just get a torch from around the arena and burn it.
>Vullaby
I'll just curb stomp it to death
>Boufalant
Do you think I could pierce its hide with a spear or sword? How much more durable are Pokemon than real animals? I'm sure I could kill a bison 1v1 if I had a weapon, but I'm not sure about Boufalant that can probably know Hyper Beam or whatever.
I'd lose cause I still don't know what fairy types are weak to.
>>26048172
Very rare offensive types. You're fucked.
>>26047592
Well, given what I've read from my doujinshis, It will go a lot easier if you don't resist.
>>26039631
Let him entertain you.
>>26041251
For you
>Zigzagoon
I'm no fortune teller but I think I'll live, just stomp the fucker
>>26048273
>Ice Beam
oh fuck
>Starmie
one thunderbolt and i'm fucked
>>26048306
or it could just rapid spin your cock off
there's a number of things it could do honestly
>Dragonair
This thing can easily outspeed me, and throw hit-and-run Dragon Breaths at me.
So I guess it will do that until I get too tired trying to connect some hits and coils around me as a final coup de grace, and my conscience fades to black, drowned in the sound of thousands of applauses to the beast who made its own effort to get rid of the vermin of the society.
>>26048329
Its entire body is a muscle. It could just fucking dismember you, pop all your limbs off like a giant snake.
>>26048278
I think I'll take my chances still
>>26048359
You don't have a choice, fag, enjoy your hideous fate.
>Meditite
Well, it's strong, but also just 2 feet tall and 25 pounds. I could probably put up a fight in the physical department, but if it uses its psychic powers I probably wouldn't stand a chance.
>>26048399
It's gonna use Ice Punch then HJK you into chunks.
>>26048340
I was thinking in how it could crush me, break all my ribbons and kill me of internal bleeding because of that, or suffocation.
>>26048399
>if it uses its psychic powers I probably wouldn't stand a chance.
Think in nasty things and you're ok.
>EEVEE
I don't think I have it in me to stomp this thing to death.
>>26048430
Just think about all the obese transgenders with this thing as their facebook profile pic and you'll be ok.That is, if it doesn't Rage Tackle Attack you into next week.
>>26048439
But it went under the table! I can't reach it now.
>>26048441daw :3
>Kyogre
>Kyogre...
>Sceptile
You know, I think I would let my favorite pokemon kill me.
probably screwed anyways.
>>26040102
>>26048481
>I think I lucked out and got one of the best possible options here.
KEK
>>26048476
This thing can move in the blink of an eye. You'd be mincemeat before you even realized it left your field of view.
>>26048481
I think it's safe to say no Pokemon could be defeated hand-to-hand by a human.Except Onix.
Holy shit, found some cringe in my search for a pic of Onix getting wrecked, Jesus Christ.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5e1r69Il7g
>>26045488
I also got phish
>>26048498
Yeah, But I'm letting it kill me anyways so I guess it doesn't matter.
>>26039631
Bidoof.
Feels goodman
>>26048509
>not wanting to prove your worth as a trainer by going down swinging vs your bro
disgusting
>>26048518
I mean, I guess I could try, but as >>26048498 pointed it could kill me before I blink, so I can't really prove myself against it.
>Tyranitar
>Its body can't be harmed by any sort of attack, so it is very eager to make challenges against enemies.
This colosseum is fucking rigged.
>>26048593
>Its body can't be harmed by any sort of attack
>>26039631
>ludicolo
I could never fight such a bro
>>26039631
>Weezing
>a floating poison gas factory with 120 base defense that can explode, vomit toxins and burn me with ghostly fire
>might also be able to spit fire, shoot electricity, spit blobs of shadows, infest me with bugs, share its pain with me and can actually take me down with itself if I somehow manage to kill it
I wonder what kind of crime I committed to deserve such a fate.
Today is a good day.
>metapod
Kill it, then pick it up and yell at the Emperor, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?" as he questions his life choices.
>Tyrantrum
this is fucking horse shit
maybe i can ride it or something
>>26049075
you can ride its jaws straight into the afterlife, anon
>Mew
looks like I'm getting crabhammer'd to death
>>26039631
>Careful Metapod.
Easy. Just stomp the fucker in with my heel.
>>26049100
>>26049117
>Implying it doesn't harden
>Implying you don't break your foot on it
>>26049140
>anon bleeds to death from shattered limb
Magikarp is the ONLY Pokemon that wouldn't outright fucking kill you in seconds. Prove me wrong.
>>26049157
Magikarp can leap an entire fucking mountain.
If it lands on your head, that's probably a cracked skull or a broken neck.
>>26049157
Not in seconds, no.
But depending on what moves it knows it might still fuck you up.
Flail on low HP or Bounce with para will probably be very unpleasant.
