Monkey's Paw
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You are currently reading a thread in /v/ - Video Games
You are currently reading a thread in /v/ - Video Games
Make a wish /v/
I wish E3 would have good games that I'm actually interested in shown.
>>340565179
New Weapons!
An eceleb board is made
I wish for your freedom Monkey Paw
I want Arena shooters to be popular again.
I wish we'd finally get a good new 2D Metroid game.
I wish Valve, GOG, Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo went out of business.
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and-and I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?
I want a cute ghost waifu to fuck
>>340565462
Fuckin hippie.
Don't let blizzard ruin wow
>>340565251
All the games come with day-1 DLC, heavy DRM, season passes and are only aviable on the Xbone.
>>340565469
All games get censored and memes are added to them
>>340565251
Granted, but they will never come out
I wish for a good sequel to Sonic 3 & Knuckles
A virgin girl to marry and have 3 children with.
>>340565251
Me too brother, me too
kill me
>>340565516
The turkey sandwich is rigged to a trigger system that detonates a nuclear device that evaporates anything within a 25km radius if anyone moves the sandwich or interacts with it in any way
>>340565179
I wish I never existed
Localize every Japanese game ever, but:
>no memes are added
>the translations are 100% faithful (no memes)
>no censorship at all
>if dubs are added, they're decent at worst
>if dubs are added, dual audio is always an option
>>340565251
Vaporware
>>340565316
You get them, all worse looking reskins ofnon stockweapons
>>340565352
It's made, everyone stays on /v/ and it is considered a wasted board and closes again
>>340565373
Thanks
>>340565391
Sure, but let's change up the formula. Cover based arena shooting, nice and slow. But pay to win of course.
>>340565719
Granted but everyone is in a delusion that you did so they're still sad you're gone
>>340565352
it gets made but /v/ is deleted
>>340565391
slow-paced and techless
>>340565373
it strangles you
>>340565462
All their IPs are bought by Tencent
>>340565469
Treehouse handles every single localization. They all have Atlus quality dubs with no dual audio
>>340565598
She ends up cucking and divorcing you a month after your 3rd child is born, and turns them all against you.
>>340565769
>Cover based arena shooting, nice and slow. But pay to win of course.
Kill yourself monkey paw.
>>340565391
All of them are developed by Actovision and EA devs, little kids and pewdiepies audience get hooked on them, they make the majority of the playerbase
>>340565726
Localisedto Korean
>>340565726
All games are localized into Simplified Chinese and Arabic
>>340565179
I want to fuck a very hot girl that will die right after and there will be no evidence connected to me, also I will remember nothing on the next second of fuck (but the pleasure) and zombies or ghosts will never exist, also as a bonus my dick will never go limp nor anything will happen to my appearance or smell or bodily functions
I dare you motherfucker
Find a way to monkey paw this wish
I wish I could enjoy a video game like I used to be able to.
>>340565772
Anon, you dont understand. I dont have anyone to be sad about me not being there.
>>340565718
Or, you know, the turkey could just be a little dry.
>>340565726
Every release is an Atlus USA-style """collector's edition""" that massively overinflates the price while only adding five-page artbooks, six-track soundtrack CDs, stickers, and other crap you don't want.
>>340565893
Granted but also you're gay
>>340565893
Granted but she pegs you and never touches your penis
>>340565893
>>340565893
She is hot, very very hot. So hot she's on fire. You've seriously burned yourself anon and she's ashes before you can finish. You're still a virgin, but now a very burned one
>>340565893
Granted, but she had AIDS that passed to you.
>>340566039
Fuck didnt foresee this
>>340565905
Granted, but you can only enjoy a videogame, no more, no less.
The problem with the Monkey Paw is that whatever you wish for, you will get a twisted negative version of it.
If you want money, it will throw the cops at you for stealing it
If you want immortal life, you will be immortal, but still get old.
The only way to win, would be to say a 1000 words wish that include all possible negatives.
>>340565893
Since your dick never goes limp ever again you die from a heart attack two days after
>>340565179
>>>neogaf
>>340566102
But anon you were always a faggot
>>340565905
You enjoy the next video game you play as if you played it yesterday
>>340566137
Yes we know what a monkey paw is you flaming faggot
>>340565893
Nigga you just wished for a dead body in the middle of your room. There didn't need to be any monkey pawing about it. You're going to have to dispose of a dead body in the middle of your room with no recollation of how it got there.
>>340566080
>>340566091
>>340566150
>>340566083
>>340566039
I will improve it and post again
The wish came true!
>>340565905
seconded
>>340566039
>>340566102
ice cold
>>340565893
Congratulations, you just forgot everything you knew, which pretty much makes you a drooling retard.
I wish everyone else's wishes dont have any negative consequences
I wish I could have 100 uncorrupted wishes.
>>340565179
Make World War 3 the fight for machine consciousness.
>>340566393
>>340566415
All the fingers on the paw fall off
>>340565905
Granted, but that's the only game you can play for the rest of your life.
>>340566393
Granted, but every single one of those negative effects that should have happened is placed on you.
>>340565179
I want to be rich.
I wish trump won
>>340565179
I want E3 to be more for the gamers. Showing better games that release within the year
>>340566415
You could have them, but you missed your chance years ago. Can't now
>>340566247
>>340566216
Some people dont. A lot of people have never saw the Twillight Zone.
Stop being so triggered.
I wish for a Street Fighter-esque game, but with naked ladies of various racial backgrounds.
>>340566506
You became Rich Evans
>>340566525
Granted, but you're now a mexican.
>>340566525
Gets assassinated, his VP Jeb Bush now becomes president.
I wish for phenomenal cosmic power!
>>340566525
Trump wins, but is more centrist than Xillary ever could have been
>>340566506
Your name changes to Richard
>>340566631
Granted, but you're not allowed to see or play any footage or gameplay of it ever.
Also, it's delayed until 2032.
>>340566682
GRANTED. Phenonmenal cosmic power!
Itty bitty living space. You 're now linked to a genie's lamp and can only make wishes for other people. Any other time, and you're stuck inside alone.
>>340566631
Granted, but they're all traps
>>340566682
You get an itty bitty living space.
>>340566631
Granted but their all BBW or transgirls or both.
Okay lets do this
I want to be immortal but die at any moment I want, and none of the following will happen
>Nothing will happen to my sexuality
>Nothing will happen with my intellect
>Nothing will happen with my memory
>Nothing will happen with humanity
>Nothing will happen with aliens invading humanity
>The planet wont explode
>People will not fear or despise me or feel disgusted
>I cant get AIDS
>My dick will work normally
>My balls too
>My appearance will remain the same
>My money and possessions will remain intact
>No meteors will crashon earth
>Actually nothing will happen that will trigger the destruction of society
>Society will not turn into a sjw paradise nor anything like it
>My friends will be ok
>My body is intact
>A hole wont open and make me fall on it
I could go on but I think this covers most of it
>Videogames will remain good
>>340566834
>>340566860
None of these sound like bad things
Give me a 7, please.
>>340566682
granted
Robin Williams is still dead
>>340566825
Well why don't you just fuck me in the ass.
>>340566834
>>340566860
If you think traps are a negative outcome for me, think again. Now maybe one could be reasonably big bodied, but yeah fattys kill the boner.
>>340565179
I wish that /tv/ never again enjoys playing any vidya.
I wish that the monkey paw loses it's negative version of your original wish.
Beat that faggot
I want Skyrim to be remade into a non-pile of shit game
>>340566910
The planet implodes.
>>340566910
You're immortal but blind and deaf.
Body's intact, dick, balls, memory, intellect, sexuality, and humanity all unaffected.
Chrono Trigger remake.
I want Robin Williams to come back to life, cured of his depression.
>>340566910
Dude, you forgot the two mains.
You are still aging and didnt cover being put in a Ice cube.
I wish Capcom would make good video games again
>>340565179
I hope e3 is fun to watch
>>340565179
I wish that you don't grant me this wish.
>>340567106
Alright but it's going to cost you 10 dollars per mod.
>>340566910
Granted. You then contract a horribly painful disease that while leaving you mobile, keeps you in perpetual pain that you can't escape.
>>340567156
Granted, but he quickly gets killed by someone else.
>>340566910
>immortal
>die at any moment
I want Capcom to stop being lazy sacks of shit and release Monhun on Wiiu instead of N3DS.
>>340567152
Chrono Trigger is overrated.
>>340565179
I want to be a cute anime girl!
>>340566830
>>340566853
that's my fetish
>>340565179
TEKKEN 7 RELEASE DATE, AND ON PC
>>340567215
The tragic irony is that your wish for no wish has been granted by it not working in the first place, which means that it did work, signifying that it did not.
>>340567106
Shadowkey is remade instead.
>>340567152
It's being headed by Anita Sarkisian and tumblr.
i wish 3DS firmware 11u will be hackable soon without hardmodding. JUST
>>340566952
>>340567243
>>340566910
Sure, you are gifted perfect immortality by an elder god after falling into the ocean. Unfortunately lacking any super strength you can't move due to the immense pressure. Although your body is unharmed, you still feel pain, incredible pain of the entire ocean weighing down on you and the constant feeling of drowning but never dying. But hey, you can still kill yourself whenever.
>>340567215
Ok.
>>340567258
Granted, but its shit that doesn't work
>>340567129
not him but
>blind and deaf
>body is intact
>>340566910
Time grinds to a halt, causing you to become immortal. You experience the current moment forever but due to time standing completely still, you don't experience it at all. Nothing will ever move or change again and everything remains as is for all timeless eternity.
>>340566952fuck you
I wish that the monkey pawn never existed
Take this paradox
>>340565179
4.3 Million Dollars
>>340567309
On the day it drops, it turns out a shitty intern laced it with a virus that bricks any computer that runs it.
>>340567076
They don't enjoy it. Still do it though, just like us
>>340567252
You can wish to die, to die.
Otherwise you are fucked when the universe dies.
Immortal Man, in Marvel does that. He cannot die. Even after the universe and all the gods have died, he will still be floating in nothing.
Horrible.
>>340565179
i wish for half life 3
>>340567328
But by not granting my wish he didn't grant my wish of not grating me my wish.
>>340567431
No limbs or anything are missing. He said intact, not in perfect human condition. He still has eyes and eardrums.
I wish that the concept of a meme dies and that any new meme dies within a week.
>>340566910
>Nothing will happen to my sexuality
you don't need the monkeys paw to be sure of that m8
>>340567537
Granted, but it's a N64 exclusive.
I wish for tip
>>340567537
Granted, but its only playable through VR and the Steam Controller.Its also EpisodicIt never has a 3rd episode
>>340567293
You're put into a manga, you are meraly a drawing, inanimate and not alive at all.
But hey, you're cute
>>340567537
It's retooled into a F2P multiplayer game with a heavy focus on VR
I wish for a Animal Crossing Game with a dating/sex simulator.
>>340567479
If monkey pay never existed then nothing can make your wish become true, therefore monkey paw still has first to exist.
>>340567604
The presumption of "intact" is that "everything is working as is right now/as was when it still worked"
You can't cut one of the strings of a guitar and call it intact
>>340567604
Blindness and deafness are decay of bodily functions
So yeah, if you become blind or deaf your body is no longer intact you moron
>>340567670
>anon called me cute
oh gosh
>>340567529
well he covered the "prevention of society" so universe should be ok
>>340567670
But anime=/=manga!
>>340567654
Granted, but your tip is just the tip of multiple penises.
>>340567697
Granted, but you can only fuck and date pic related.
I wish that nothing good will ever happen to anyone, ever, and no other wishes can ever reverse this effect.
>>340567746
A 40 year old person is heavily deteriorated from when they were 20 but that doesn't mean they're falling apart.
I wish for another monkey paw.
>>340566952
>>340567293
Granted. You become an anime sexdoll for some sweaty neckbeard
>>340565179
I'M GONNA DO IT GUYS FORGIVE ME, I WISH FOR ARMORED CORE 6, A SCI-FI SOULS GAME AND ZONE OF THE ENDERS 3
I CAN'T BE TAMED BY CONSEQUENCES
I wish the monkey's paw would make a fist so i could stick it in my ass.
>>340567906
You get it, but it's just a normal monkey's paw, freshly severed and dripping blood chock full of AIDS.
>>340567849
Fucking fine, it's adapted as a one shot poorly made single ep OVA at some point
I wish that only good things will happen to me (good in the american sense) and nothing bad can happen ever
>>340567874
Nothing bad ever happens either, locking humanity in a perpetually grey existence.
>>340567973
Granted. You got AIDS.
>>340567906
granted
but its your hand that turns into a monkey paw
to be rich
>>340567906
Granted, but it's a monkey hand that posses no magical abilities what's so ever.
>>340567973
granted
your hand is replaced with the paw
>>340567973
I wish for a megaman game that functions like a mix of pokemon and a dating sim so I can finally fuck Alia with my human dong.
>>340565457
Wait no, not like this!
>>340568120
Nice monogatari
>>340568067
Forever literally nothing is worse than always bad shit happening senpai
>>340566393
Thank you kind sir, for giving your life for our pleasures
>>340567779
Sure, for now. But he's immortal. In 2 billions years when the sun explode, he will still be alive. He will be alive after the human race is extinct.
For example, this guy just wanted to be able to read his books. So there was a massive nuclear war and now everybody is dead except him. And he has all the time to read his books.
Except his glasses fell on the ground and broke.
I wish my favorite game of all time would get a sequel!
W-wait! N-no! Not like this! NOOOOOOO!
i wish to be the god of bees
I wish for 2
>>340568056
Granted, but what constitutes "good in an American sense" is changed to one that you, and you alone, find negative.
>>340568092
You gain an mountain's worth of shovelware vidya who's collective worth is around 10 million dollars. And when I say shovelware, I mean half the pile is copies of NinjabreadMan.
>>340568274
Granted
But since a god of bees power is undefined by your wish, you are just like before
I want Final Fantasy II-2
>>340566642
>>340568352
>>340568317
you get a 7 instead
I on the other hand get that 2.
>>340568274
granted, all bees become atheists
>>340568319
Wouldnt that count as something bad?
>>340565726
Your translations are still full of memes, but they aren't new localized memes; they're the original japanese cultural jokes and memes so you don't understand them on top of it.
>>340568246
nothing will happen that will trigger the destruction of society
thus he wont be on a dead universe without anyone left, since the sun exploding would trigger the destruction of society, or the big bang, etcetera.
I wish for a Marvel's Comic universe game that has all the A-list heroes and plays like Smash Bros
>>340566910
Because of the fact that you're no longer a mortal, soon, when you'll realize that you don't need to eat, breathe, talk, move,... to stay "alive", you will find yourself having to choose between being a empty shell with no thoughts or dying.
>>340568475
Not to other people it wouldn't be.
What you consider bad maybe subversive to someone else.
>>340568274
Granted, but you are forced to fuck queen bees all day while they crawl into your penis.
This song also blares in your ears for the rest of your life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1RYSy55KtA
>>340568464
>>340568551
Granted.
It plays like the worst parts of Brawl, with quadruple the tripping.
>>340566860
>>340568464
Just because they don't believe in him doesn't not make him their god.
>>340568475
The monkey paw finds the concept of bad subjective and arbitrary
>>340568551
Granted
But its never released
You didnt specify that you would actually get to play it
>>340568551
granted but its made by EA and has tons of paid dlc characters and skins
>>340568551
All the characters look and sound like their movie counterparts.
I wish I live in Gensokyo,and can't die
I wish everyone on /v/ was am air-headed gamer girl.
>>340565718
i said no weird suprises
>>340568724
He wished that he would have it though. How would he have it in his possession if it was never released?
>>340568527
The paw wont do it. But the universe will die by itself.
Exceptions are not wishes.
>>340568756
Granted, but you are a retarded Yukkuri.
>>340568768
*an
>>340568756
Granted, but you are an earthworm.
>>340568756
Granted
But all the woman of gensokyo come to the real world instead
>>340568776
>implying that's weird
>>340568768
Granted. 4chan gets dissolved and absorbed into tumblr
>>340568551
The game follows the cannon powerlevels so closely it is unplayable.
>>340568274
Granted. An eternally growing number of increasingly intelligent bees sacrifice their lifeforce to you, stinging you.
As you are a god of bees, the bees stinging you, dying and giving you their lifeforce cause you to be unable to die by any imaginable mean as you have become the strongest (and only) god of them all. Your power makes the bees exponentially smarter and they find a way to sting you faster and faster and how to prevent the heat death or collapse of the universe.
tl;dr eternity of BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Could I get my waifu irl?
I wish to own all of the peppers in the world and they can never be grown anywhere else but my land, which is 100% thief proof so that no one can ever have my peppers but me
For /pol/ cossposters to leave this board and that Doomfist gets added this month
>>340568832
he wished for "nothing ever to trigger that destroys society" so i don't think the universe would ever die
yet probably this would cause time to stop flowing.
it's quite fun having such pointless arguments about impossible stuff that cant happen
>>340568756
Granted, but you're an ugly monster and everyone loves to bully you.
>>340569004
Yeah but she hates you
>>340569004
Granted, but they don't find you attractive, and no, you can't rape them or convince them otherwise.
>>340569004
You become your waifu.
I wish for times like a good old days
>>340566910
Granted. You still feel pain and are hit by a bus the next day. People learn you are immortal and are not filled with fear, but curiosity. You are hauled off to a government lab to undergo testing for the rest of your life.
>>340569069
She already hates me. Thanks, mate.
>>340565516
The turkey is a little dry.
>>340569004
Yes, but dead
>>340569004
She hates your guts and never want to see you again
I WISH THAT SQUARE ENIX WOULD DISAPPEAR
>>340565179
I wish I could have Fallout 4 on my Xbox One
>>340569151
No problem, the monkey's paw is a fair and just being occasionally.
>>340569004
Granted. You know about the anthony burch meme? Well...
>>340569128
Granted.
You become black.
>>340568673
>>340568724
>>340568739
>>340568753
>>340568984
I wish for a Marvel's comic universe video game that plays like Smash bros that ALSO
>I get to own and play
>The characters are true to their comic incarnations
>It's made by old school Nintendo
>That plays like a mix of 4 and Melee with no tripping
>The game is excellently balanced
>>340569042
They leave, but you have to go back to /lit/
>>340569121
Can I become my waifu irl as well?
>>340569004
She is dead and her body become dust
>>340569052
No. He wished to be immortal. With exceptions.
You cant say like "Oh I wish I could fly, but I'm also a rich guy and also dance really well"
That's 3 wishes.
>>340569004
Granted.
Pic related.
>>340569128
Granted.
By "good old days", you mean 1960s hippie culture, right?
I wish I had a space fleet and an army of battle robots at my command, and they are completely and totally loyal to me.
>>340569215
Alright but WHEN YOU WALK AWAY starts playing in your head and never stops.
>>340569037
Due to a legal hiccup you can never actually own any land. Peppers become impossible to grow.
I wish for a Moon Knight Netflix show.
>>340569215
Granted, but all major players simply remake the company under new branding and all of their associated products are unchanged.
>>340569361
i AM OKAY WITH THAT
>>340569257
Granted, but you.get arrested and a lifetime sentence as soon as you start the game
>>340569357
Alright but aliens don't exist so if you ever go into space you're not gonna find anything.
>>340569113
>>340569347
They don't need to find me attractive, I got them already.
>>340569121
She's pretty cool, wouldn't mind being her. Would prefer to be me with her, but still, decent.
>>340569179
>>340569192
>>340569241
>>340569312
You fuckers got me, though.
>>340569257
The only characters are really obscure ones.
>>340569361
That's fine. It's from the one good kingdom hearts game after all, by no coincidence also the first and only squaresoft one.
>>340569357
Granted, but your entire military gets curbstomped by stronger enemy forces.
>>340569341
he pretty much wished to be inmortal as first wish, to be able to die any time he wishes to do so as the second, and "none of the following will happen" as a third.
>>340569257
Sure, it's on the virtual boy
>>340569394
granted but its cancelled after a season for being a batman ripoff
>>340569305
please?
>>340565179
Make trilogy of games with story, as great as SH2, but much better gameplay and open world with sidequests crazy as Fallout 3.
>>340567236
So, life?
>>340569687
Granted but it will be 20 seconds long
I wish that Donald Trump personally killed me with his own bare hands.
>>340565179
Konami sells Kojima the Boktai IP and he gets to work on making a 3D cel-shaded installment running on a scaled down version of the FOX engine with real-time weather effects using local meteorological data for your area.
>>340569687
Granted as you requested it. Fallout 3 is shit and that's the negative twist.
>>340569685
>one season of face ripping and near death beatups
>>340565457
>>340568610
That directly fucks with the "Nothing will happen to my humanity" bit.
>>340569597
Not really. The first wish was to be immortal with a killswitch. The exception just limit the range of what could happen with the wish.
>>340569686
No sorry, only one waifu per thread.
>>340569775
granted but its hillary in a costume
>>340568756
I wish my waifu and me could spend an eternity living happily togetherAlso, where is the Yakumo residence in that picture?
I wish to live on Holy Terra and have Adepta Sororitas as my harem
