Adventure Thing, part 9
- Home
- Board: /v/ - Video Games
- Reading: Adventure Thing, part 9
Oh shit nigger, you're a Barbarian.
Your current quest is to infiltrate the King's Dungeon and rescue a prisoner. What do you do?
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>317675356
dig yourself a hole
>>317675356
stick your finger up the guard's butthole
>>317675356
politely ask to be let inside
>>317675447
"Don't come near me you filthy savage. I'll stab you!" said the guard when you moved to stick your finger up his butthole
>>317675447
OP avoid posts like these, I guarantee you he's using a scripting tool
>>317675706
try to stick it up his butthole without him noticing
>>317675706
Do a speech test to pass.
>>317675929
It fails, but as he tries to hit you with the spear, he trips and hits the peasant instead
>>317675929
Install a "better dialogues" mod
>>317675929
"plz"
>>317675973
YOu listened to him and leave
"Yeah, go back to your shitty mudhuts and tents you savage"
>>317676214
Turn around and say "What the fuck did you just say about our mudhuts and tents?!"
>>317676214
You have a change of heart. Turn around and attempt to stick your finger up his butthole from behind. He won't notice. Trust me.
>>317676214
if it's dungeon, why not dug a hole to get to that dungeons? doors are for fags
>>317676214
Take off your barbarian costume to reveal you are Tito from rocket power.
>>317676214
Take some charisma classes to improve speech check ability
>>317676214
Be enraged by the insult and charge at him
>>317676318
"Sssssso do we have a sssshovel or ssssomething?" asked one of your party members
>>317676491
Use the talking skull helmet as a shovel
>>317676491
Hit him so hard he turn solid, open his mouth and use him as a shovel
>>317676491
we are barbarians, we need no shovels to make a hole
>>317676491
Use the snakes stupid hat as a shovel
>>317676617
And so you start punching the ground
>>317676787
Sultan Snake says thats how hard he pounded your mom
>>317676787
Punch faster
>>317676787
ground punches back
it's earth elemental
>>317676787
The snake man says you can't do it which only encourages you to dig punch faster
>>317676787
A homosexual pops out of the ground and sucks your dick.
>>317676787
you fall through the floor and enter the dungeon
>>317676827
"Awww yeah, that totally happened"
"Gasssssp"
It's Bard Snake's Evil Twin: Sultan Snake
>>317677106
Barbarian's tears from hearing these news make the ground soft and weak
>>317677106
Punch him in the boner.
If you decided what the next adventure would be, rather than using Strawpoll, what would you choose?
>>317677106
Kill sultan
>>317677106
>Evil
What, because hes middle eastern? Thats messed up man.
>>317677106
you find a huge cavern while punching the ground, use Sultan Snake as rope
>>317677189
>>317677187
>If you decided what the next adventure would be, rather than using Strawpoll, what would you choose?
Eh, probably something post appocalyptic.
>>317677358
Back to punching dirt.
>post apocalypticDickass Raider Adventure
>>317677358
use Sultans dead body as rope for the cavern you found
>>317677358
attempt to cast an earth spell
and remember only pussy ass paladins say I cant
>>317677467
And so you went back to punching a hole in the ground
>>317677358
rest in peace
Sultan was only misunderstood snake, use his corpse to as shovel
>>317677572
The hole you punched released all the demons.
>>317677572
Check progress of broken ground
>>317677572
your mom shows up and tells you thats how hard sultan snake pounded her
>>317677572
You feel a tremor
>>317677572
Punch harder.
>>317677572
The ground politely asks you to stop
>>317677689
"Pleasestop, Mr babararian"
>>317677797
Mr Barbarian was my father's name. I hated my father.
>>317677797
"no"
>>317677797
[X] HATE EARTH
>>317677797
Piss on the ground.
>>317677797
Tell him you'll stop once he stops being a bitch and lets you in
>>317677797
BARBARIAN STOPS FOR NO MAN.
Except he's earth
>>317678016
Make sweet love as an apology
>>317678016
FUCK YOU
>>317678016
Dig a hole all the way to the dungeon's final room.
>>317678016
pound it harderwith your dick
>>317678016
Marry Earth.
>>317678119
"Hey, how's the dig---And I'll just leave you to your business then"
>>317678351
and thus earth elemental was born
>>317678351
Earth blacks out. Dreams of crab knight kisses
>>317678351
The Earth doesn't want to touch yo nasty ass dick, it makes a path to the dungeon for you
>>317678351
EAT EARTH
>>317678459
"What the fuck man"
>>317678617
Rollan for this guy >>317678401
>>317678617
It's good for your heart
>>317678617
EAT MORE EARTH
>>317678617
Share with wizard
Touch thief inappropriately
>>317678617
The Noble girl's body guard gets tired of this and asks the dungeon guard if you guys can go through
>>317678617
Assure them that this is all part of your ingenious plan through mouthfuls of dirt
>>317678648
And so an Earth Elemental was born. Normally they're created by wizards shooting magic into the ground but this time it was semen that was shot into the ground.
This fact traumatized the Elemental for life
>>317678925
Poor boy.
Get him some therapy.
>>317678925
"Why, Papa? Why?"
>>317678925
Say "I HAVE NO SON" so he can run barreling towards the knight guarding the door
>>317678979
THe shame and trauma caused him to attempto hang himself.
But it failed
>>317679190
Tell Rocky to quit lollygagging and help you dig a tunnel.
>>317679190
Barbarian proceeds to hug Earth Elemental to calm him down.
>>317679190
Use the broken branch and rope to ride him like a bull
>>317679190
You give the elemental therapy the only way you know how
>>317679190
Punch him in the face.
Teach him what it means to be a true barbarian earth elemental.
No more of this whiny emo shit.
>>317679190
Ghost mom is proud of her new grandson, but also feels older
>>317679326
"They grow up so fast....."
Ghostmom is silently contemplating the meaning of life and the passage of time.
Luckily nobody asked how does a ghost cast a shadow.
>>317679551
ghost mom shows love to her grandson
>>317679551
Everyone laughs at earth elements while he crys like a bitch
>>317679551
Thanks to that montage offscreen we now have a hole dug leading inside.
>>317679551
A black hole appears and threatens to swallow the world.
>>317679551
Dump your new son to your moms care and finish the dig
>>317679551
The ground begins to contemplate its own life as the party starts walking away.
>>317679190
This is some beawulf-tier shit
>And lo, he lay with the earth, and the earth protested, and he partook of the earth's flesh. So then the earth up-threw Ro-ki the earth elemental, born of man's loin. And a mood most dire overtook this new titan, son of barbarian, son of earth.
>>317679628
YOu have succesfully punched a tunnel into the dungeon
>>317679759
HFS pours out
>>317679759
Have golem- I mean our dear son go first.
>>317679759
Jump in
>>317679759
Laugh at the door guard.
>>317679759
you encounter Toddsworth Howardson, the Charming and truthful salesman, chained up in the dungeon
>>317679759
Now go kick the door-guard's ass for the XP before picking the lock on the door.
>>317679858
"Hey! THat sounds like a smug laugh of a man who has successfully dug out a tunnel into the dungeon right under my nose! Did you successfully dig out a tunnel into a dungeon right under my nose?! I'll stab you if you did!"
>>317680048
"Eh... no?"
>>317680048
STAB HIM FIRST BARBARIAN RAGE
>>317680048
No, i just pounded the dirt.
LIKE YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT
>>317680048
Shrug convincingly at the knight
>>317680048
Try any and all speech checks, then go and pickpocket his spear.
If all else fails let him stab you then punch his tin-can face in while you trap his weapon in your chest.
>>317680048
[Speech 28/30] Uh... No?
>>317680126
"Good answer....for now"
>>317680294
Dig under the knight
>>317680294
Steal knight's hat as a taunt while underground
Check in with Ro-ki.
Tell him about how awesome his first skull of blood will taste.
>>317680294
Jump in the hole already!
>>317680609
The foundation collapses and the knight breaks his neck. He becomes quadriplegic.
>>317680609
PUNCH HIM IN THE DICK FROM UNDERGROUND
NARUTO STYLE
>>317680649
"How will I stabb intruders now"
>>317680881
Unable to stab intruders, the knight falls in a dark depression. Our band of adventures carry out his last wish; to be wheeled off a cliff to his death
>>317680881
Steal his armour to disguise rocky
>>317680881
With your dick
>>317680881
Steal the cripple's gear. He wont need it
>>317680881
We can make him better. We have the technology. We can make him faster.. stronger.. smarter..
.. but we don't want to spend a lot of money
>Select all wheelchair images
>>317681050
After seeing such a tragic display the Clerics begin to question their faith
>>317681050
He lands on a chopper. Boss fight
>>317681050
rip knight
a-all he wanted to do was guard his gate ;_;
>>317681139
Why is there a chopper in medieval times, nobody knows. Must be time travelling shenanigans
>>317681327
Quick back in the hole!
>>317681327
Matrix force stop his machine gun bullets
>>317681327
Mad sprint back to the hole as minigun fire rains down upon us
>>317681327
BARBARIAN TOSSES ROCKY AT HELICOPTER
>>317681615
"I'm proud of you, son"
>>317681615
smashed helicopter assembles into metal elemental
>>317681615
>>317681846
it's a hot metal babe
>>317681615
Meanwhile, our party is already inside getting rekt by a giant fat guard
>>317681715
"THANKS, DAAAAAAaaaaaaad..."
>>317681946
NOW BACK TO THE CASTLE
>>317681946
>>317681846
and it's a very hot babe and your son loves her
>>317681946
Now get back inside the dungeon, prisoners await
>>317681946
Your quest continues, as your son starts his own journey into manhood.
>>317682057
Earth Elemental Adventures - Starring Ro-ki Balboa, coming to an imageboard near you
>>317682305
"Son, stop stealing my screen time"
>>317682305
Punch the author for making such a bad pun
>>317682305
Back in the tunnel you find a door.
>>317682305
Meanwhile we're inside the dungeon, waiting behind a guard patrol wondering what to do
>>317682568
Ohshitnigger our wizard is having a super awesome wizard duel with the dungeon's wizard
>>317682568
Oh shit a dullahan is blocking the way forward.
>>317682568
sorry for what?
>>317682568
Take a lunch break
I fell like the time frame for replys is getting shorter and shorter
>>317682815
"You can do it Wizard, just use the pain of loss!"
>>317682815
the blast kills both the wizards in the process, but simultaneously reveals a hidden passageway in the rubble
>>317682815
Sneak behind the enemy wizard
>>317682815
Time to turn up the heat
>>317683061
activate BURNING KANCHO
>>317683061
Take his hat
>>317683061
Now's your chance to do what you couldn't with the knight. Stick that finger up his ass
>>317683061
Time for an impromptu prostate exam
with your fist
>>317683275
Turns out he has prostate cancer, break the news gently.
>>317683275
Rip his spine out
>>317683275
OH MY GOOOOOOOO-
>>317683275
FIRE
>>317683334
And so you ripped the wizard's spine out
Through his ass
>>317683496It was the wrong wizard
>>317683496
Wash your hands
>>317683496
RULES OF NATURE
>>317683526
Oh no! Only-1-Day-til-Retirement-wizard! How could you?
>>317683717
The other wizard slowly starts to back away
>>317683717
[speech 40%]He was trying to pickpocket you
>>317683872
revive him as undead wizard with your neat shaman skills
>>317683872
Lightning Wizard does a successful surprise attack on Dungeon Wizard
>>317683872
time to shill your toothpaste
>>317683913
Goddamnit man you haven't put a single point into Shaman, you can't do that
>>317683872
you decide not to talk about this ever again
>>317684035
you sure? try cleaning your skill, maybe there is a number before zero
>>317684035
Once you get a point put it inbard
>>317684035
smile upon dead body
>>317684035
ask anyone in your party if they have enough Shaman skill
>>317684114
Indeed. But you need to earn enough XP to leel up first
>>317684290
Then go in the hole and earn enough XP to leel up
>>317684290
>leel
Tell jokes to lel up
>>317684290
Beat body until you level.
>>317684290
The dungeon has disappeared
It's one of those fancy "never in the same spot for more than 30 mins" dungeon
>>317684359
"Jokes? I love jokes, let's hear one then"
What joke should you tell?
>>317684497
"How do you keep an idiot in suspense?"
>>317684497
Why did the rooster cross the road?
>>317684603
"Why?"
>>317684689
To prove he wasn't chicken!
>>317684689
[INT 1] I forget
>>317684748
ba dum tish
"heh"
"That's pretty funny"
>>317684902
Wait we rescued the person we were sent to save right?
>>317684902
Hi Todd
>>317684902
+20 XP
>>317684968
Damnit, the dungeon's gone. You'll never rescue your dad at this rate
>>317685067
Wait cleric revive wizard please.
>>317685067
Welp, next quest till we find that dungeon again
>>317685067
Ask ghostmom to scout for dad's location
>>317685067
Sing a song
>>317685067
Punch reality until the dungeon reappears.
>>317685067
Get mad
>>317685098
"What? The enemy wizard who only had 1 day til retirement?"
>>317685273
Uh-oh
An incoming filler arc is on the way! Kill it before it gets too close!
>>317685273
He knows where dad is
>>317685273
He knew the recipe to a really good Mac n Cheese
>>317685273
For information and gratitude
>>317685301
"HEY! DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THE NECRO TOURN-"
>>317685502
OH SHIT HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE
>>317685502
The honest and charming merchant, Toddsworth Howardson appears and insists you pre order his new tonic, which will increase Vitality by 5
>>317685502
>>317685541
Go get them Mr. Cleric! \._. /
>>317685502
Go to the dungeon which moved like 50 feet away
>>317685502
THE FOUNTAIN OF PROBABLE POWER APPEARS
>>317685574
"Greetings adventurers! I see you're a hardy bunch, but that my friends is not enough to survive in this harsh harsh world. THat's why it's best if you buy my NEW tonic. Which will increase your VIT by a whopping 5! C'mon, buy it. You can trust me"
>>317685797
I dunno....
>>317685797
Can we mod it?
>>317685797
Pirate Todd Howards Tonic off of Pirate's Bay Cove.
>>317685797
Ask Todd the peasant if buying it it's a good idea
>>317685797
recruit him
>>317685797
Pre-order Tonic 2, it'll be much better.
>>317685838
"Just buy my tonic. It'll be good for you. Just buy it. It'll increase your VIT. You don't want to have low VIT don't you?"
>>317685971
How does it work?
>>317685971
You buy the potions with punches to his face, barbarians don't pay gold for shit
>>317685971
Pirate Todd's tonic
>>317685971
Give Todd a blowjob while snake pickpockets tonic
>>317686009
"IT JUST WORKS. NOW BUY THE FUCKING TONIC"
>>317686108
Wait for Obsidian-Chan to make a better Tonic
>>317686108
ROLL FOR PIRACY
>>317686108
HEY WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S JUST WATER.
YOU TRIED TO TRICK US!
>>317686108
I still don't know...
You should really do a teamwipe with them so we get more barb adventures
>>317686149
"STOP STALLING AND BUY MY TONIC NOW. FUCKING DO IT. BUY THE FUCKING TONIC"
>>317686280
We'll buy it if you join us
>>317686280
Just go find the dungeon
>>317686280
Fall for his lies
>>317686280
buy the tonic but only if he gives you his sweet hat with it
>>317686280
I'll wait for the crac- "free" version.
>>317686280
TODD CONFIRMED FINAL BOSS.
BARBARIAN PREPARES FOR BATTLE
>>317686280
I SHALL PIRATE THAT SHIT
YOU CANT DO SHIT
>>317686280
Kiss Todd on the lips <3
>>317686280
Put the money in his mouth and stroke his cheek
>>317686280
Mug Sir Toddlington.
>>317686318
"You will regret this"
>>317686587
No you
>>317686587
"I SHALL PIRATE YOUR TONIC AND YOU CANT DO SHIT ABOUT IT"
and walk away smugly
>>317686587
[pirating intensifies]
>>317686587
All that's left on the ground is a +10 Strength Tonic with a note congratulating you for not falling for is lies, addressed from a person named Obsidian
>>317686587
OH SHIT IT WAS A GIF, I LITERALLY CLICKED, BLINKED AND LOOKED AT MY OTHER MONITOR FOR A SEC, CAME BACK AND HE WAS GONE.
>>317686587
>not looping
>straight up disappears
STOP
>>317686619
Well that was weird. Hopefully this encounter won't have deadly consequences later.
>>317686778
go further in the dungeon
>>317686778
Beat up the salesman and steal his shit
>>317686778
What is our next quest till the dungeon reappears?
>>317686778
stumble across Stan, the merchant from Monkey Island 2
>>317686809
Unfortunately both the potion and the note has clipped into the ground, you can't take them
>>317686934
Console commands to noclip?
>>317686934
punch the ground
>>317686978
Good job asshole you broke the potion
>>317686978
Messed up physics has caused the potion to violently shoot up into space
>>317687103
And the note?
>>317687103
The potion lethally hits todd
>>317687158
"FUCK. Remember to preorder Potion 2!...bleugh" can be heard in the distance
>>317687103
throw the noble girl, she'll catch it, maybe
>>317687231
FUCKING CONTINUE ON
>>317687231
you get EXP enough to level up twice
>>317687231
Todd's corpse absorbs the Tonic, reviving him and turning him into Nega-Todd
>>317687316
It just works
>>317687434
but was obsidian potion. he should die from it.
>>317687434
The noble girl calls him mean names
>>317687434
ignore him and press on
>>317687476
"It.just.works"
>>317687608
Fuck your tedposting. Get on with the fucking adventure
>>317687608
Man-Obsidioan shows up and yells:
"ZA WARUDO"
>>317687639
Right, back to the adventure.
What shoould you do next? Your main quest is still to get strong enough to defeat the Empire
>>317687829
Oh shit! Two more filler arcs are flanking from the west! Kill them, quick!
>>317687829
grind.
travel to Netherworld, best spot to grind.
>>317687829
we need to recruit beings in the dungeon
>>317687829
Head to the next town to buy more equipment.
>>317687829
go into dungeon
>>317687829
kill boars for exp
>>317687829
Find a martial arts master you need more punch techs
>>317687886
And so you head for the next town
>>317688008
Spend night drinking in local tavern.
>>317688008
go to the tavern
>>317688008
it's located in Netherworld.
>>317688008
Its nice to finally be in just a good ol' generic town.
>>317688028
"Greetings travellers. What can I get you today?"
>>317688172
HATE ELVES
>>317688172
Elf women
>>317688172
"I want to recruit the qt-est shota bard you have"
>>317688172
Your finest chocolate milk, please
>>317688172
wenches
>>317688207
"What does that mean?"
>>317688287
Just tell me who here isn't a generic NPC.
>>317688287
Nothin'. Just give me the chocolate milk
>>317688287
shota is a word from the eastern lands, it means "cute girl" in the country of moonland
>>317688287
call girls
>>317688287
Nothing
I mean show me the hottest female warrior with biggest tits i can recruit
>>317688287
YOU SON OF A BITCH ELF, YOU WILL PAT FOR THIS.
>>317688370
>>317688428
Why not both?
>>317688345
"Oh, then check the mercenary hiring board. It's right over there next to that patron"
>>317688654
is there a hot lady mercenary on that list?
>>317688654
Nice helmet, want to join me?
>>317688654
For some reason, all but one of the listings say cute girl, but your fear sense tell you to ignore them and look at the last one, which says :"Flambouyant Nerd"
>>317688698
Probably not
>>317688821
get the monk
>>317688821
Go get the Monk
>>317688821
maybe the knight or the paladin is secretly a woman?
>>317688821
elf
>>317688821
Paladin, time to purge the land in the name of all that is holy
>>317688879
Perhaps. Who knows what secrets are hidden under those armors
>>317689049
stick spiderbard into the man's suit to uncover the many mysteries it holds
>>317689049
Ask them if they are girls.
>>317689049
Caress their breastplate.
>>317689049
their voices cant lie, right?
>>317689049
That armor is filled with poisonous Zanzibar hamsters.
>>317689049
>>317689064
snakebard* same shit
>>317689049
It's otherverse barbarian
>>317689343
offer to pay the hamsters in nuts if they can control the knight's suit
>>317689343
You're hired
>>317689343
you're good enough
hired
>>317689409
this better not be a boring vanilla paladin I swear to god
>>317689409
"Ah! Brother Boring Vanilla Paladin! Welcome to the party"
"It is an honor, Brother Cleric"
>>317689626
inside the paladin suit is another knight's suit filled with poisonous Zanzibar hamsters.
>>317689626
All of a sudden a new quest pops up
"Loyalty quest: Gladiator"
>>317689626
Now to get back to the dungeon
>>317689626
He literally brings vanilla ice cream.
>>317689661
>>317689471
>>317689401
i'll just go kill myself brb
>>317689918
Read quest details
>>317689918
>decline quest
>>317689918
"DEFEAT THE GLADIATOR KING FOR COOL LOOKING ARMOR" and exp
>>317690139
decline
>>317690139
Quest appeared because his old nemesis is in the tavern with you.
>>317690139
` movetoqt
>>317690398
his old nemesis is LITERALLY old, he's a senile weak grandfather now
>>317690398
Not that one,m the other one
>>317690398
No, he's friendly. The nemesis is the elf behind the bar.
>>317690398
Mudoon
>>317690398
Trade gladiator nemesis for gladiator he's cooler
>>317690398
challenge him to a drinking game
>>317690432
"Who you're calling old? Damn whippersnappers. Back in my day we had respect for our betters. Now get off my lawn"
>>317690585
Gladiator pities his old, senile rival.
But still wants to beat the shit out of him.
>>317690585
Gladiator and Gladiator nemesis stare at each other intensely
>>317690585
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
>>317690585
ENGAGE
>>317690878
Throw your gladiator a really good weapon.
>>317690878
FIGHT EVEN HARDER
>>317690878
innkeeper asks us to take it outside
>>317690878
>gladiator
>no shields
>no trident and net combo
0/10 immersion ruined also nemesis disarms gladiator
>>317690878
innkeeper rips off shirt to reveal muscles and kicks them out for disturbing the peace
>>317691143
HARDER
>>317691143
ENTIRE TAVERN WATCHING INTENSE BATTLE
EVERYONE CHEERING FOR YOUR GLADIATOR
>>317691143
Noble Girl tells everyone to stop fighting
>>317691143
ENTIRE TAVERN WATCHING INTENSE BATTLE
EVERYONE CHEERING FOR NEMESIS GLADIATOR
>>317691143
Throw glass of beer at old gladiator
>>317691193
isn't noble girl still in the castle that teleported somewhere?
>>317691187
"WOO!"
"YEAH!"
"KILL HIM!"
"THANK GOD THIS FIGHT BROKE UP THE CRUSHING MONOTONY THAT IS THE PEASANT LIFE IF ONLY FOR A BRIEF MOMENT"
"THIS IS AWESOME"
"I WISH I HAD A UNIQUE CHARACTER MODEL"
>>317691370
Nemesis Gladiator gets in a lucky strike and the tavern begins to cheer for him
>>317691370
GIVE THAT GUY A UNIQUE CHARACTER MODEL
>>317691370
Nemesis knocks Gladiator to the ground
>>317691297
I thought she came with us because we healed her body guard
>>317691370
>>317691193
>>317691370
CROSS COUNTER
>>317691406
"THANK YOU"
>>317691539
gladiabro's weapon breaks
>>317691539
NOW THROW HIM IN AS A GLADIATOR WEAPON
>>317691539
Barbarian throws the unique npc at nemesis gladiator
>>317691539
Gladiator's weapon breaks
>>317691539
he falls and breaks his neck, killing him instantly
>>317691583
>interrupting the honoraburu dueru
>This shit is still going on
Whatever happened to dickass thief?
>>317691745
Throw him your axe
That's fine, nemesis' swords break too
>>317691745
dual wield the shield
>>317691735
Still a thief and a dickass
>>317691745
Nemesis kicks Gladiator to the ground, weapon pointed at his neck
>>317691735
The biggest thing to happen to him in recent times was becoming Satan for a little bit. Now he's just a dickass thief again
>>317691745
>instantly changed weapons
I love you but wield the new NPC as a weapon
>>317691735
Died in a dungeon, then got mentioned in a time traveling episode, then became Satan and a ''final boss'', then stole his life back. Now he propably still steals shit.
I seem to recall he was cursed to never get out of the dungeon but I don't think it matters now, considering Satan's power and all.
>>317691797
>>317691813
>instantly changed weapons
It's like those Gladiator games I played, you could just pick up whatever weapons lying around and use in a match
>>317691983
NPC proves to be a useful weapon
>>317691930
He exists now as a universal constant of dickassery
>>317691983
dickassthief steals both gladiators's weapons
>>317691983
Unique player model NPC impales nemesis.
>>317691983
Old Nemesis is weak to NPCs
>>317691983
CHECK UNIQUE NPC'S STATS
>>317691983
The NPC spits tiny NPCs
>>317691983
To match the gladiator's new found weapon, the nemesis dual wields random peasants
>>317692226
FLEX OFF
>>317692226
Gladiators also wrestle.
>>317692226
dickass thief trips
>>317692226
The gladiator wields a peasant and the nemesis wields an elf
>>317692226
Obviously we must decide this with a wrestling match
>>317692226
suddenly 4 clowns appear out of nowehere
>>317692226
Grab random NPCs to wield.
>>317692226
FISTICUFFS
>>317692287
"check 'em"
>>317692435
You fool! You've summoned the Demon of Gets!
>>317692435
Oh shit dude don't be doing that 666 number you might summon Satan 2
>>317692435
Now attack!
>>317692435
Dick ass thief gains Patrick Bateman as a stand.
>>317692478
So himself?
>>317692478
>>317692567
This is a prequel, he's not Satan yet.
>>317691983
Use the fastball special
>>317692643
Back to the gladiator duel.
>>317692294
>>317692643
Repel the vile demon using the power of this sick 8
>>317692643
Gladiabro wins the fight due to his extensive knowledge of fist fights after travelling with barbarian whereas nemesis isn't used to fighting without weapons
>>317692643
SHOW HIM YOUR CALLING CARD!
>>317692951
gladiabro levels up
>>317692951
THE HELMET FALLS OFF AND REVEALS HIS REAL FACE
>>317692951
Another loyalty quest pops up, this time for the Bard.
Help him sing a song of the Gladiator's victory
>>317693041
>not ssssssing a ssssssong
>>317692997
And so he did
>>317693279
Barbarian also levels up from helping, or letting him do it, or something.
He also steals nemesis's shoulder piece.
>>317693279
We need to get you a new unique NPC
>>317693279
Remove the armor and helmet
>>317693279
Select stats, class and perks for Gladiator
>>317693279
because he's a partymember, the game autolevels him
>>317693337
"LOOK! THAT GUY HAS STOLEN ALL THE UNIQUE MODELS AND TEXTURES!"
"Goddamn we're so generic we don't even get face textures"
>>317693468
BARBARIAN RAGE ON DICKASS THIEF
>>317693468
Because Gladiabro is a partymember, the game automatically distributes the stats & perks for levelling up
>>317693537
we've tried attacking dickass thief before, he's way too fast & agile to hit as a slow barbarian
>>317693468
Gladiabro's pure and solid loyalty manifests into a cool pair of shades that he now always wears
>>317693538
In the distance, the sound of OP crying due to a missed chance of making useless filler can be heard
>>317693696
So where's that experience the Barbarian was supposed to get?
>>317693696
Another loyalty quest pops up
"Lightning Wizard vs Dungeon Wizard part 2: The Shockening"
>>317693696
The unique npc tries to escape from dickass thief's clutches.
>>317693737
As for the "cool" armor, you are free to loot the defeated Nemesis Gladiator
>>317693914
In a desperate bid to appear relevant, the Get Demon blinds your party with a massive get and makes off with the cool armor
>>317693914
cleric tries to stealthily loot nemesis gladiator's panties
>>317693914
Keep it and find that Unique NPC to give it to. We're getting a new party member
>>317694186
New loyalty quest
"Restore Cleric's faith"
>>317694186
Weren't we permanently blind from the sunbeam thing?
>>317693914
New skill sllows you to mash a steel chair against your skull to enter berserk and bleed
>>317694186
Throw Snake Bard at the gets devil.
>>317694258
Well yeah, this is what the barbarian actually sees. You have been adventuring using echolocation or something.
Plus that post said he blinded the whole party. Not just you.I was just lazy
>>317694258
we shone ourselves with our sparkling whites to heal ourselves & the knight we burned
>>317694369
Now that we're kinda stronger, let's find that dungeon again.
It's probably somewhere very close.
>>317694369
New quest
"Restore vision"
>>317694369
Ok well we can probably do several eye transplants whilst blind. Hell as soon as we do the first eye transplant the rest should be a breeze
>>317694436
Yes, but how close?! It's a mystery...
>>317694558
Sign on the left looks suspicious, start digging around it.
>>317694558
It's obviously at GENERIC TOWN NO. 284
We should go there
>>317694558
Are we gonna just ignore that the sweet loot we just got has been nabbed?
>>317694659
It's gone, we're not going to get it back from them, just let go.
>>317694659
"Yes. Because you're filthy dumb barbarian scum"
>>317694739
Well then let's just check out the door that says dungeon, might be another tavern.
>>317694739
Atempt to attack floating head to relieve stress.
>>317694739
Check barbarian's experience bar to see if he got enough to level up yet
>>317694739
fuck it, charge into the dungeon and get some NEW loot that wasn't ripped from a corpse. Everybody knows chest loot is where it's at
>>317694739
You contemplate your life as barbarian scum
>>317694819
Damnit, The King(who killed your entire tribe, leaving only you, Chad, your dad and a few children left) has disapeared
>>317694941
You feel a bit better though.
Time to head into that dungeon through the door that says dungeon.
>>317694941
maybe he went into the dungeon
>>317694941
Well that sucks. Might as well go into the dungeon, with tears streaming down our cheeks.
>>317694987
"Welcome to the Imperial Dungeon. Visitors enter door 1 to go to the visiting area. New inmates enter door 2 to get to their cell"
>>317695164
don't we get an appointed guard before entering door 2?
>>317695164
Fak u
>>317695164
ask what door for visiting prisoners
you're on the exchange program
>>317695209
"Of course. Before door 2 is a checkpoint where you'll get your appointed guard along with a complementary set of prisoner clothes"
>>317695164
Youve become hesitant, yank it to relieve nerves
>>317695336
That sounds like a lot of hassle, I'll just go to door 1.
>>317695336
What flavor of guards do we get?
>>317695336
What's the difference between regular and deluxe packages?
>>317695336
Eat guards face
>>317695389
"Well there's the average-just-trying-to-earn-a-paycheck guard, the suprisingly-nice-and-genuinely-want-to-help guard, the corrupt guard, the sadistic-abusive-and-sure-to-die-first-during-a-riot guard, the weak-and-ineffective-comic-relief guard, the tough-as-nails-but-actually-a-pussy guard and the somehow-the-opposite-gender-of-you-and-is-meant-to-be-a-love-interest guard. That last one is in short supply"
>>317695639
Better grab the last one while it's still available, sign me up.
>>317695639
>the weak-and-ineffective-comic-relief guard
pick this one
>>317695639
corrupt
enemies closer
>>317695639
Get love interest
go to prison
>>317695639
How short of supply?
>>317695639
Nice and helpful guard
>>317695718
"Very well, if you want to become an inmate here then sign here"
>>317695815
SIGN WITH FIST
>>317695815
Name:BARBARIAN
Crime:BARBARIAN
>>317695815
But you are too stupid to know how to write.
>>317695815
sign the guard's name instead
then call the guards
>>317695639
can't we have you take us
>>317695846
his name is Canon you faggot
>>317695965
It's a disguise.
>>317695897
"My job is to stay here and handle visitors and paperwork. So I can't go and enjoy the wondrous guard activities such as beating down random prisoners or smugly giving them food"
>>317696027
write down guard's name, then call the guards on him
>>317696027
Bite face off
>>317696027
Oh boy cant wait for the prison break ark...i mean what?
>>317696105
"There has been way too many cases of that happening already. That's why I don't have a nameplate so you can't know my name"
>>317696206
ask him if he wants to talk about some of those times, maybe over a drink at the guard's tavern
>>317696027
"Ight ill just take the corrupt guard"
>>317696206
Oh boy cant wait for the prison break arc...i mean what?
>>317696206
dip hand in ink and then sign off with your hand
>>317696206
Send ghost mom to check if our target is there
>>317696289
"Now are you gonna sign here and be a prisoner or are you just a visitor?"
>>317696341
SIGN PRISONER
OBTAIN GRIL GUARD
>>317696206
Consol him and complement on his helmet
>>317696341
Let's just visit for now
>>317696341
ask him what he'd recommend picking
>>317696438
"Very well, my friend here will escort you through door 1. Enjoy your visit"
>>317696587
this is the lowest security prison of the kingdom: only the wimpiest, scruffiest scrubs are detained here.
>>317696587
thanks buddy
>>317696587
TO DOOR ONE
>>317696587
you never mentioned a guard for door one you asshole, you fiend, you awful awful man
>>317696639
"Exactly, it's reserved for weaklings such as yourself, filthy barbarian scum."
>>317696829
PUNCH GUARD
>>317696829
HATE GUARD
>>317696901
"Ah, so weak. Now head through the door"
>>317696829
Inside one of the cells, there is a creature resembleing a goblin counting coins and mumble..... something.. of shackles?
>>317697076
inkeeperstein is in one of the cells for swindling people
>>317697076
USE OTHER FIST
>>317697116
"I WAS FRAMED I TELL YOU! MY PRICES ARE TOTALLY REASONABLE"
>>317697229
BERSERKER
R
A
G
E
>>317697229
WAIT A MINUTE
THAT NOSE
>>317697229
Sure they are.
>>317697229
ask him what he has for sale
>>317697229
Ask the creature its name
>>317697551
OK
now calm down
>>317697551
Remove guardsmen
Nu thred?
>>317697551
Break bars
>>317697551
ok now make new bread
>>317697625
Your BESERKER RAGE helped you MAKE a DELICIOUS LOAF OF BREAD.TO Be continued
On Thursday night/Friday
Updates:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>317697847
Thanks for the bread...IS IT GLUTEN FREE?
