Oh shit nigger, you're a Barbarian.
After raiding a random peasant village, you've been instructed to rest. What do you do?
>>315609876
Whack some moles
>>315609876
Punch self in face
Punch face in self
>>315609876
Fire punch your face
>>315609876
"politely" Knock on the inn's door to get the innkeepers attention
>>315609876
Dont rest
>>315609935
And so you did
>>315610009
Politely knock on face, with fist.
>>315610181
punch your face with a mole
>>315610181
HARDER
>>315610181
Eat mole
>>315610181
Softer?
>>315610181
Kiss the mole
>>315610181
Now call Barbarian god Lacthus ask him what to do ... wait is that tree looking at you funny?!
>>315610204
And so you punched your face wwith a mole
>>315610397
Check your barbarian schedule
>>315610397
Eat it
>>315610397
burn mole with your burning finger and eat it
>>315610397
chill out
>>315610457
Mole eaten, +10 HP
>>315610583
Check your to-do list
>>315610583
go travel to nearest huge city Canon
>>315610583
enough rest, time to do barbarian shit
>>315610583
check the village for some food
>>315610583
add mole's skull to your outfit
>>315610648
You and your fellow barbarians haved raided this village, but somehow missed a warehouse, maybe there's some in there.
Enter the warehouse?
>>315610774
Wear mole skin as armor, become mole warrior.
>>315610774
yesit's a hidden dungeon
>>315610774
Kick the door 360
>>315610774
Yes. We get a prompt asking us to bring two party members
>>315610774
spin punch the door
>>315610867
It is no match for your mighty barbarian strength
>>315611090
Jump kick it with your fish hammer
>>315611090
We are entering PEASANT WAREHOUSE. Two party members are needed to proceed
>>315611090
Use your mighty barbarian vision to scan the warehouse for anything precious(ALCOHOL) or moving.
>>315611090
reveal hidden dungeon
>>315611090
Kill the Hungry Burger
>>315611187
Barbarian vision activated
>>315611415
HIDDEN DOOR
OPEN THAT HIDDEN DOOR
>>315611415
HIDDEN DOOR
>>315611415
Pee in alcohol
>>315611415
Loot the place then go through the door. A prompt appears, asking us to bring two party members with us
>>315611415
Drink as much Wine as possible first.
>>315611415
Go to the hidden door BUT get a barrel of wine with you a Barbabian thirst is no joke.
>>315611449
Ah yes, a door hidden under two empty crates.
What could this passage hold? A secret dungeon? A bonus boss? More food? Or maybe it's just an empty cellar
>>315611623
As soon as you try to open it, you get a PROMPT ASKING YOU TO BRING TWO PARTY MEMBERS
I WILL GET THIS FUCKING ROLL
>>315611623
KICK THE FUCKING DOOR
>>315611623
WE BARBARIAN ISAAC NOW
>>315611623
it could be anything
punch the shit out of the door and go in
>>315611623
GESPENSTO KIIICKU
>>315611696
YOu punched the door.
It's dark down there
>>315611838
A prompt appears, telling us we need to get two party members before we can proceed
>>315611838
DIVE IN
>>315611838
burning finger activate
>>315611838
no worries, you got fire fist
JUST DO IT
>>315611838
Use burning finger in a constant motion, so that we can see what's down there.
>>315611838
Magical dimension with necromancer doing laundry
>>315611838
ACTIVATE BARBARIAN NIGHT VISION
Scan the zone around you.
>>315611838
light a crate on fire and throw it down there
>>315611868
Dingq
>>315612067
You meet a Dickass Thief and an Apprentice Wizard.
>>315612067
Summon semen demon and skelebro
>>315612067
fine, what choices do we havecan we have a little girl healer and a paladin?
>>315612067
Use the barrels of wine and crate of food to throw a barbarian party
>>315612067
Suddenly Skelebro appear behind you.
>>315612067
Milfy the sorceress.
>>315612097
You're a barbarian, silly. You don't know how to do that.
>>315612175
then recruit anyone from your barbarian army/tribe/whatever
>>315612175
Get or find them dammit
>>315612175
Go find Chad and make amends
>>315612175
dismiss and go in further
>>315612175
Punch the shit out of prompt. We lone wolf now.
>>315612175
Go recruit the skeleton of the mole you ate.
>>315612175
Go recruit shaman who totally knows what hes doing
>>315612175
Go outside and look for people to recruit
>>315612175
Punch the prompt.
>>315612229
HAH
>>315612175
We just pillaged a village, where are our barbarian chad and chief?
SUMMON THE HOLY PALADIN LEV
>>315612175
You punch the prompt but it's actually an eldritch abomination breaking the 4th wall to try to catch the barbarian off guard
>>315612229
The Prompt was promptly dismissed
>>315612418
JUMP IN THE CELLAR ALREADY
GO
>>315612418
DIVE INTO THE HOLE
>>315612284
we no need for no party
Canon works alone
>>315612418
good. explore the dungeon
>>315612418
It promptly punches you.
>>315612175
call your companions, latently gay barbarian archer and nerdy barbarian wizard
>>315612418
Equip prompt as a weapon.
>>315612418
Based Barbabian.
Now use your Barbabian night vision to scan the cave.
>>315612418
Now do a hand stand!
>>315612418
The hungry burger lies within, kill it
>>315612175
punch the okay button and sneak in while the prompts back is turned
>>315612317
Most likely celebrating by raping peasant women
>>315612418
Punch helicopter your way down
>>315612418
The prompt runs off and tells the basement's resident Evil Giant Monster of your wrongdoings
>>315612418
FUCK SHIT UP
>>315612332
>>315612332
>>315612332
SUMMON LEV PLSSSS
>>315612418
Apologize to the prompt and recruit it as a party member.
>>315612418
Fire finger a wooden post so that we can see the area.
>>315612489
Suddenly you hear a terrible roar from the darkness
>>315612685
Boss Paladin appears and kills the darkness.
>>315612685
Punch the darkness
>>315612685
the barbarian links the last thread
>>315612685
boss is actually a little girl demon
>>315612685
Roar and puck the shit out of the darkness.
>>315612685
Roar louder to assert your dominance.
>>315612685
Use Burning Finger to light up the night
>>315612685
FUCK SHIT UP?
>>315612685
Looks like its time to light up the night
also your fists
>>315612717
>>315612712
these desu
>>315612685
eat the darkness
>>315612685
"Y-You t-too"
>>315612685
Look down.
>>315612748
You find the monster
>>315612717
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>315612941
speak to the monster
>>315612941
Hey there sexy
>>315612941
Punch him in the boner.
>>315612941
punch his teeth out
>>315612941
Stay perfectly still, it's vision is based on movement.
>>315612941
Insult him.
>>315612941
"Nice teeth, mine are better."
>>315612941
suddenly the monster is killed by the dungeons true bossan impossibly cute kitten
>>315612941
Punch his stupid skeleton face
>>315612941
Ponder if it's a floating head with floating hands, or a head attached to a massive body.
>>315612941
ask it if it knows of any rockin parties going on tonight
>>315613039
This adventure has been brought to you by ColdGate Brutal, the number one toothpaste reccomended by barbarians. Keep your teeth clean, even when crushing your enemies and see them driven before you.
>>315613305
SHINE THEM PEARLIE WHITES
>>315613305
the monster is temporarily blinded by your perfect shining teeth
>>315613305
try to negotiate with the mostah
>>315613305
Challenge him to a rock off.
>>315613305
Monster hits us with the spinning backhand
>>315613305
Now bite something off of him
>>315613305
abandon your barbarian ways and become a librarian
>>315613358
It accepts your challenge.
The monster throws a huge rock at you
>>315613545
take it like a man would
>>315613545
throw a huge FLAMING rock back at him
>>315613545
Monster slams his hand down on rock, crushing us further
>>315613545
Use your axe to show him the true power of rock.
>>315613545
"That's not how you start a rock off!"
>>315613545
Counter with a bigger rock.
>>315613545
Throw an even bigger rock back
>>315613545
Show him how to get stoned properly.
>>315613545
BITE THAT PUNY ROCK INTO PIECES HALF WITH YOUR COLDGATE BRUTAL™ INFUSED™ TEETH
>>315613578
Rock taken
>>315613839
Throw it back
>>315613839
Have the monster disqualified from the rock off for harassment by false-flagging on twitter.
>>315613839
Throw him at him, but actually distract him to throw a bigger rock.
>>315613839
Activate it.
>>315613839
Set it on fire and throw back
>>315613839
Monster slams fist down on rock, planting us into the ground
>>315613839
Use your flaming hands and throw it like a meteor at the beast
>>315613839
Throw it back
>>315613839
Throw the rock back at him, but make it an even bigger rock.
>>315613839
Toss it 5 feet, tell the this is your rock and there are many like but this is mine
>>315613839
put it on fire and toss it back
>>315613898
The monster caught it
>>315614115
You're a big guy
>>315614115
No wait I want that back
>>315614115
100 Barbarian fist the rock in his hand
>>315614115
toss another rock meanwhile OUT OF NOWHERE
>>315614115
violently buttfuck the monster
>>315614115
That's not how it's supposed to work, you shit.
>>315614115
Sabin that mother!
>>315614115
engage in a heartfelt game of catch that neither barbarian or monster ever got to have with their respective fathers
>>315614115
bum rush his smug face
>>315614115
Jokes on him your posse was disguised as a rock and jumps the monster
>>315614149
The monster obliges.
By slamming it onto you
>>315614317
Step away from it
>>315614317
Monster caves in our skull with rock whilst saying "you really should've gotten those party members bro"
>>315614317
Thanks!
>>315614317
punch thru it
>>315614317
Punch a rock repeatedly until it breaks apart.
Thank the monster, ask if he wants to join your party
>>315614317
evade and jump on his hand
>>315614317
shadestep
>>315614317
Get ready to rubble.
>>315614317
Punch the shit out of that rock Asura style.
>>315614349
And so you did
>>315614656
You pick a bigger rock and set it on fire
>>315614656
Punch the monster through the rock
>>315614656
Monster hits us with a powerful spinning backfist
>>315614656
that breaks monster's jaw
>>315614656
"Wtf dude, we're playing catch and you wreck my rock?"
>>315614656
You use the power of the king of hearts to annihilate the monster with the burning finger.
>>315614656
Continue to punch through the monster's fist.
>>315614656
Now hold that pose for a few minutes.
>>315614656
follow the momentum of your fist to fly out of the cellar, out of the warehouse, and out of this boring ass town
>>315614709
At this point you relaize this cellar is actually a secret rock storage
>>315614656
Secret move: mole spit
vomit the previously eaten mole int othe eye of the monster
>>315614873
suddenly an impossibly cute and dangerous kitten attacks the monster
>>315614873
Punch him in the boner.
>>315614873
Sell rocks to rock goblin for mad dosh.
>>315614873
now THROW
>>315614873
Put it down and talk to the monster about wine
>>315614873
do a volleyball serve
>>315614873
Cousin, let's go bowling.
>>315614909
You punched the rock into the monster's boner.
>>315615075
Oh shit I'm sorry
>>315615075
Monster yells NOOOO and crumbles to dust.
>>315615075
The mosnter dies. Due to a broken dick
>>315615075
Now whisper kinky shit into his ear
>>315615075
He's dead.
>>315615075
Steal his treasured rock
>>315615075
Prepare another rock and check monster's condition.
>>315615085
"meow"
>>315615269
It dies from boner damage.
>>315615269
kill both
>>315615269
9 9 9 9
What the fuck
>>315615269
Run before it kills you
>>315615269
Nobody pays heed to useless creature while the battle continues.
>>315615269
Monster and cat dissolve into dust
>>315615269
Shit, time out.
>>315615349
Hm, must have had an allergy.Gotta go for a bit, be back in about 10-15 minutes
>>315615553
Take the dust and eat it
>>315615553
Snort monster dust and power up
>>315615553
There's no loot, but a big door has opened up. Traverse deeper into the dungeon
>>315615553
Investigate surroundings.
>>315615553
Fucking KS, fuck cats!
>>315615553
Snort monster dust get monster berserk
>>315615553
Grab the unusual strange skull of no point from the dust and wear it.
>>315615553
life support for bread incoming
>>315615649
Cats have been added to your list of arch-enemies
>>315616124
PUNCH IT BEFORE IT GROWS
>>315616124
Traverse deeper into the dungeon
>>315616124
Now rob the entire warehouse, including rocks.
>>315616124
Snort monster dust
>>315616205
You check your loot
>>315616284
did monster drop any loot?
>>315616284
Toss the gold Snort monster dust dammit
>>315616284
surprise buttseeks
>>315616284
Check barbarian tribe To-Do-List
>>315616284
>>315610481
Juggle rocks.
>>315616284
Drink a barrel of wine and level up. We DO have some experience after fighting the monster, right?
>>315616284
Throw gold and take dust
>>315616338
No, it turned into dust along with the cat.
Also, because it died to the cat you didn't get any EXP
>>315616471
collect dust after you restore your pic
>>315616471
Whoops, forgot image
>>315616521
check for treasure chests
>>315616521
EAT IT AND CONSUME IT'S POWER
>>315616521
Swear to your ancestors that you will avenge them.
>>315616521
>>315616471
>Also, because it died to the cat you didn't get any EXP
FFFFFUUUCK CATS
>>315616630
>>315616521
Use your anger to cook the food and calm you down before continuing.
>>315616579
"Very good, my child. Go forth, avenge us and claim fame and glory"
so said Great Grandpa Ghost
>>315616521
Feed the food to the fever babies
>>315616692
Ask for clearer instructions or, at least, a helpful ghost item
