Kill la Yuri
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You are currently reading a thread in /u/ - Yuri
You are currently reading a thread in /u/ - Yuri
Cont: >>1991323
>>2024855
>>2024857
>>2024858
>>2024859
Raygo is best mom and best girl.
>>2024861
>Best mom/girl.
no
>Hottest mom.
General rule, both actual best girls came out of her. The greatest ass and boobs had to come from somewhere, and it wasn't Isshin.
>check the ryuko/satsuki tag on AO3
>diaper fetish fic is the newest fic
Truly these are dark times.
>>2024941
Someone, somewhere, out there wanted it to happen.
If nothing else the fact that it's getting views means there is still demand for works. Just need stories to actually post.
>>2024941
>tfw this is your fetish
Still canon.
>>2024941
>new fic
>it's futa
Is there a worse feeling than this?
>>2025488
I think most would consider diapers worse than futa.
>>2025494
Nothing is worse than futa.
Nothing
>>2025497
guro, scat, hard vore, unbirthing, anal/cock vore...
>>2025487
Is this official art?
Also need a fic where Satsuki eventually turned into Ragyo because of her jealousy over Ryuko/Mako.
>>2025499
True dat
>>2025508
After all of the rapes I think Satsuki would want to stay the fuck away from pussy and her own relative as she possibly can. Satsuki is 100% straight.
>>2025517
>satsuki
>straight
You're 4 days late for jokes, anon.
>>2025518
She might not be 100% straight but wouldn't it be very difficult for someone to be in a relationship after all of that fucked up thing that happened to you? I can honestly see her with Uzu.
>>2025522
>Uzu
If anyone is winning the Satsukibowl that isn't Ryuko, it's Nonon.
Childhood friend status gets you places.
>>2025517
>>2025522
>Coming here to suggest Satsuki cannot into girls.
>Coming here to suggest Satsuki cannot into relationships because trauma, after marshaling her willpower to be above her abuse and return to form after finding a new purpose in life with help from Ryuko just fine.
>Coming here to suggest Satsuki/Uzu.
Do you know where you are?
>>2025508
I'm not sure how to classify Sushio's art.
>>2025527
>I'm not sure how to classify Sushio's art
>Mako has 5 fingers
Shit.
>>2025531
silly anon, that's just the poor placement of Mako's left hand creating a space between the crease of her left thumb, the line of Ryuko's sleeve and Mako's right hand giving the impression of an extra finger
>>2025978
>>2025980
>>2025980
>bunny ryuko
why.jpg
>>2026014
Animal girls are a fetish for some. Some of the art that comes out of it is still good.
Going by specific imagery of Satsuki being a fox and Ryuko a Hare being bitten, it could be a reference to an old fable by Aesop.
While there are multiple translations it generally boils down to the hare coming to the Fox's home after hearing rumors or stories about the fox. Upon coming into the fox's house the hare realized they had simply been pulled into the fox's clutches for diner. Some variations the Hare runs away, some it get's eaten. The moral is something along the lines of silver tongues and forgetting oneself.
Ryuko came to Honno on rumors of the killer she sought. Satsuki used her cunning and told her what she needed to hear to stay around for the "meat" of the show. Eventually learning she had been used when the truth was revealed before her.
Or I'm reading way too much into it and the artist just has a thing for bunny girls.
>>2026613
>>2026616
>>2024861
I need her to dom me holy shit
>>2027271
Does anyone have that one with the wedding dresses I can't find it
>>2027298
Need to be more specific anon.
>>2027304
Sorry it's a high quality one with ryuko satsuki . I will take any cuz they are mostly good I just thought it would be up longer than it was.
>>2027321
Still need to be more specific anon. Colors, background, etc. Might have it.
>>2027330
>>2027347
>>2027348
>>2027351
>>2027355
I approve of this yuri wedding dump.
>>2027330
Nailed it! Thank you. Couldn't remember enough details cuz I didn't have it but this is it.
>>2027958
In the show there was only one "person" her literal threads were linked. Keeping a knot around a finger is used as a way to remember an event, item, etc.
If she was to marry anyone, promise another person her life and love, it would be appropriate to acknowledge that "half of her her two-in-one that shared her mind and body" is missing, but will not be forgotten.
>HK does a "collab" with CalicoCat
>CalicoCat writes 11k words
>HK adds 2 drawings
Talk about equal distribution of effort.
>>2028000
>ot3 with mako
god dammit.
>>2028000
Two pictures still better than no pictures, and not a cut in sight.
>>2028037
Mako brings some cute.
But if your autism is that triggered consider the following:
Pretty sure she was not added as a 3rd wheel considering the whole
>Valentines day.
>Gets free pass to call Gamagori international.
>Because she gave up her time to work with them instead of spending it with him.
>While sisters do some kinda flirting.
Just because it's tagged relationship doesn't mean they're on track to physical relations/romance if you read a bit more deeply into whats going on with them.
>INB4 defending het.
>>2028374
>>INB4 defending het.
It's fine, not like Mako is a good fit with anyone who isn't Gamagoori.
>>2028586
Not defending het but you did watch the show correct? Also Sats shouldnt feel left out because I ship her with Uzu. That being said this makes Ryuko feel kinda left out, which is why I ship her with human Senketsu. This are imho the intended pairings the producers want.
>>2028766
>ship her with Uzu
>when there's nonon who is clearly hot for her
>and uzu shows no interest whatsoever
Also mako fits fairly well for both Ryuko or Gamagori. Which makes it easier to throw pair her off elsewhere for the satsuryu shippers that got sucked in by the foe yay and didn't leave after the incest reveal.
>>2028766
>not defending het, but all my ships are het
Not sure if troll or lost
>>2028770
Uzu shows ironwill devotion to Sats and doujins can ship Satsuki/Ryuko. However the producers are not going to support such a ship. Especially after the producer showed us how fucked Satsuki's own mother is.
>>2028776
Different kind of devotion. Nonon is pretty clearly romantically interested in Sats, which Uzu is not.
>>2028779
I just don't see it, are there examples you can point out for me?
>>2028782
Nonon's fight with Ryuko is the best place for it. Not to mention has she addresses Satsuki in comparison to the rest of the elite 4.
>>2028787
That's because she knows her the longest and she's a girl so they would share more secrets together.
>>2028782
I think you need to recalibrate your goggles.
>>2028766
Why are you on this board?
>>2028766
I think you should consider leaving /u/ and never coming back, you clearly don't belong here and I think you would be more comfortable elsewhere. Additionally,fuck you, cunt.
>>2028879
>>2028881
>>2029658
>>2029660
>>2030183
>>2030184
>Running out of content. Need to dig for more.
>>2025487
>implying your retarded fan fiction is canon
>>2030318
>implying brainwashing shows your true feeling
Brainwash (ˈbreJnˌwɒʃ)
verb
To effect a radical change in the ideas and beliefs of (a person), esp by methods based on isolation, sleeplessness, hunger, extreme discomfort, pain, and the alternation of kindness and cruelty
>>2030505
Was kinda surprised it wasn't Sats that broke the brainwashing...
>>2030507
I wasn't, it was only logical
>>2030507
It was pretty obvious who it would be from the build-up to that point.
People would only refer to Mako as comic relief, but she was just as crucial to the plot as Ryouko or Satsuki.
>>2030507
Should've noticed Satsuki became about as relevant to the plot as Guts after the festival episode.
Popularity for this just died hardly any fanart or fiction wtf happened?
>>2030618
It was a 2013 one-shot original anime that ended more than two years ago and has shown no sign of picking up again since then. What the hell did you expect? Fandoms move on, as they should. No point in lingering forever in a franchise that is for all intents and purposes over and done.
>>2030623
I have no doubts Trigger will eventually rehash it for a Season 2. I'm not holding my breath though, because I was massively disappointed.
>>2030623
>Fandoms move on, as they should. No point in lingering forever in a franchise that is for all intents and purposes over and done.
You have a point, but that's not to say that a fandom has to die either. There are certainly a number of shows and games that'll never get a new entry but still have a dedicated fanbase, and that's not an issue.
>>2031468
>>2031814
>>2031815
I'm guessing that second season rumor turned out to be bull?
>>2031903
There was no rumor like that, but it is obvious Trigger will eventually rehash the franchise whenever they feel like it. When that is is anybody's guess.
>>2032090
Does Trigger have a history of rehashing stuff? The only thing I know they did before Kill La Kill was Gurren Laggen as another company.
>>2032173
No, they don't. Cardboard cutouts aside.
Gonna post this shit in a rekt thread...
>>2032373
wot
>>2032173
They've been rehashing Inferno Cop every year so far, if indirectly.
>>2032925
>>2032926
>>2033149
>>2033150
>>2030618
Sailor fukus are meant to be grown out of, anon. That's what happened, people grew out of it.
>>2033183
That hit me in my heart, anon.
>>2033187
It's kind of disappointing, really. I've been looking for good KlK fanfics, but couldn't find anything.
Doesn't help that I'm not a big fan of Ryuko/Mako or Satsuki/Nonon. I find both Mako and Nonon to be really annoying.
For some reason, I can get behind Ryuko making Nonon her bitch though.
Also, what's with this weird male reader insert trend in fanfics?
>>2033183
That was the dumbest excuse to kill off a character ever made.
>>2033259
Character x reader is bottom of the barrel tier in general. Maybe somebody commissions that crap, I've seen a lot of shitty commissions from one guy lately.
>>2033259
>>Also, what's with this weird male reader insert trend in fanfics?
Trend? Nigga, it's been like that since the very beginning of fanfics. The opposite way too, where there's a girl self-insert into a mostly male cast.
Fanfics, in their most base form, are wish fullfilment. Some people are fine with just their general idea of the plot and characters doing what their (the author's/reader's) wish might be, but some aren't happy unless there's a self-insert for them to take the place of.
>>2033259
>Also, what's with this weird male reader insert trend in fanfics?
This is why fanfiction - or just fiction - was invented in the first place
>>2033835
>>2033837
>>2033837
It'd be great to have a lesbian fighting game where the loser gets fondled.
I'd lose all the time!
>>2033907
>Where the loser gets fondled.
While the only game off the top of my head was both het and sold terribly, who says you need a specific game for that if you have a second player...
>"Not fair..."
>"Imouto-"
>"STUPID CONTROLLERS STOP BREAKING!"
>"Imouto."
>"What!?"
>"The saying goes be humble in victory and gracious in defeat."
>"You don't even like games! I was winning!"
>"Evidently your equipment gave me a handicap."
>"Whatever. Stupid plastic shit... Stupid strength."
>Deflating she tossed the two halves of controller broken in her excitement onto the coffee table. Bitterly staring at her hands, depressive look edging into her expression. They had the weekend to themselves, Satsuki was not going to let her fall into a mood if she could help it. Starting with getting a sidelong glance to meet a hand as it reached over to stroke an exposed thigh.
>"Then how about a participation award~?"
>"A what?"
>Pulling Ryuko into her lap protests died as arms found a home around bare midriff. Hands snaking up the cutoff t-shirt to give sizable mounds underneath a light squeeze. Soft kisses planted to the back of available neck. Pushing the confused girl over to the side, she landed on her back. Head angled downward from the armrest watching Satsuki push between her knees to unzip her shorts. Pulled off her legs and tossed away carelessly shortly after. Satsuki's Eyebrow raised in amusement at her blushing spread position.
>"JUST short-shorts~?"
>"I-It's hot out."
>"It's about to get hotter~."
>"T-This is your idea of a participation reward!?"
>"Participation reward, winner's delicious prize... It's all about perspective Imouto."
>"Loser g-gets head?"
>"Win or lose if it was a valiant battle fought with heart and soul, then honorable fallen must be brought to Valhalla on the tongue of a Valkyrie."
>"But that's b-better than winning..."
>"It's all perspective. Relax and let thy soul rise to the heavens, carried by thine lustful cries my dear~."
>>2034325
>>"Win or lose if it was a valiant battle fought with heart and soul, then honorable fallen must be brought to Valhalla on the tongue of a Valkyrie."
Kek, I like the phrasing.
It's a cute greentext overall.What IRL game did you mean where the loser gets fondled?
>>2034331
It went way beyond fondling.
From the same minds that brought us "Rape lay" Illusion games was proud to present "Battle raper" and "Battle raper two". Where you got two women to strip with damage in combat, and earn scenes after the fight of the loser being penetrated mercilessly to tears by a blank self insert for the player if I recall.
Popularly regarded as some of the sickest games ever made, and the combat wasn't even decent to compensate. While I have not played them myself there is video from let's plays around.
It would be a difficult genre to break into regardless of yuri content as anything made would undoubtedly get lumped into the same category as them.
>>2034342
>Battle Raper
At least Rape Lay has something of a pun in the name.
They really couldn't do anything better than Battle Raper?
I'm a little late to the party, but I have a question!
Has there ever been any comment from the writers or producers about the nature of Ryuko and Mako's date? What we saw of it didn't seem overtly romantic, and the whole Mako/Gamagoori thing was hinted at pretty heavily. But it's still somewhat ambiguous. I'm just trying to sniff out what's canon.
Sorry if my pic's a little more explicit than most of what's been posted, it's the only thing I have to contribute.
>>2034575
The only comment they've ever made on the topic of shipping is, paraphrasing here, "there's no place for romance in Kill la Kill, you can believe what you want".
>>2034575
Also, don't worry about your image. It's a red board for a reason.
>>2034342
>Popularly regarded as some of the sickest games ever made
By clueless idiots who have no idea about the shit Cyc subgroups regularly come up with, and just want to circlejerk around the idea that Japan is a weird place.
Really, these games are pretty vanilla.
>>2034575
/u/ is a red board. You can post all the lesbian smut you want. We just dont' act like a red board all the time.
>>2034609
Huh. Well, in a way I like that response. I appreciated the lack of romance in KlK. . . until that date bit got my gears turning.
>>2034833
As far as the date goes it's intentionally vague.
In Japan girls can enter into platonic "romances" through late middle and early high-school with their girl friends and be seen as normal. This includes going on dates. It's publicly seen as a "safe" way for them to practice dating and exploring what they want from a partner without the fear of the getting knocked up before graduating.
However they are supposed to stop this when they reach university and pick up an interest in men, those that don't and actually find they prefer women more are often ridiculed as childish and looked down on for "not growing up" out of "fake relationships". Traction is moving among the younger crowds to stop the discrimination but Conservatism is strong in the culture.
Per the usual Trigger added something that could be taken as either a "common date", or an "actual date" (because in the end credits of 24 R and M technically 4th year students while S is graduated) between Ryuko, Mako, and Satsuki and that is entirely left up to the viewer.
The animators knew about the ships, many frequent Pixiv to the point there was allegations they used it as a source of idea's for the shows second half. Rumor has it this was the reason that Satsuki got to live and join Ryuko's side, popularity.
>>2034849
>because in the end credits of 24 R and M technically 4th year students
There's no 4th year in Japanese high schools.
That aside, allegedly the show was planned from beginning to end before it started airing, and fan response had no effect on the plot - both of which I find very hard to believe, if you consider the numerous appearances of otherwise irrelevant but popular characters, (like Takarada) as well as the sharp dip in quality the plot took as it neared the end.
>>2034883
Went with a western "technically equivalent by age" for simplicity."Third year senior-highschool students" has gotten confused responses before.
We won't know for sure, but there is a noticeable change in how the story plays out during the Naturals election. I would tend to agree they rewrote it. And I'm somewhat okay with it because it allows the dream to survive.
>>2035615
>>2035616
>>2035617
>>2035618
/r/ing a pic of Ryuko and Mako where they're getting married and Mako is holding Ryuko in her arms.
>>2035619
is ryuko a loli in this image
>>2035787
pic related
>>2035802
It comes after the pic above it. Same album.
>>2036179
>>2036180
>>2036181
A good question to ask is why are they so often drawn involved in sexual acts while dressed in the Kamui? They're not comfortable outfits by any means.
>>2036182
Because they're 'sexy'.
>>2036182
>Not drawing lewds with readily provided battle thongs.
When life gives you lemons anon. Lewd aside from what we can gather Ryuko was more than fine with Senketsu especially in the latter half where she specifically said their synchronization felt amazing. Junketsu might have been an asshole but after being restitched Satsuki said it was fine coursing with Ryuko's blood and Senketsu's Fibers.
Post Naked Sol the only issue could possibly be the massive shoulder pauldrons, but they are made of malleable cloth as evidenced when Junketsu started squirming after they destroyed the school for the first time.
So depending on time frame they're fine.
>>2035807
Damn, Mako looks like young Paul here.
>>2036191
Was the first thing I had. Don't have much in the way of RyuMako romantically.
>>2036380
>>2037177
>>2037178
>>2037980
>>2037982
>>2038799
>>2038800
>>2039072
that's adorable
>>2039567
>>2039568
>WIldcard
I have no idea if crossovers allowed.
>>2039569
Those faces certainly aren't.
>>2039569
>That mangling of Stocking
DELETE THIS
>>2039726
>>2039781
Semi relevant content was content. Not like anyone else is posting much.
Better?I don't have colored pencils right now so usual shitty B/W on top of shitty lines
>>2040814
>>2040815
>>2040816
Smug lesbian
>>2041454
>>2041455
>>2042289
>>2042290
MONTHLY REMINDER THAT RYUUKO/NUI IS THE ONLY CANON PAIRING IN KILL LA KILL.
EVERYTHING ELSE IS RETARDED FAN FICTION.
>>2042304
Ryuko fisting an ahegaoing Nui where
>>2030318
>first image with Nui somehow involved
Is she that hated? Fan art of her seems to be scarce, let alone yuri art.
>>2028908
this pic is fucking great i love how fucking mad Ryuko looks as shes about to give Mako a left hook
>>2042304
Here's your monthly (You)
>>204246
>balls
MOOOOODS
>>2043160
>>2043161
>>2043163
Artist? This very cute
>>2043163
>>2043172
Animunerdery on tumblr, not much there for KLK though besides some solo Satsuki.
>>2043935
>>2043936
Digging deep and /u/ is going rather fast. Things look bleak.
Why are the scissor sisters so fucking perfect?
>>2036179This is cute as heck. More of this.
>>2043966
Artist didn't make more for KLK. Closest I got on hand.
OTP a best from every angle.
I remember fanart where satsuki was standing naked in a door doing here speech thing with her sword in her hands and looking at ryuuko while she was in bed.
It was some speech like "i gave something new we can use"
But it wasnt her sword but a really long dildo.
I kind find it anywhere, i lost my KLK folder a while ago when i went normie for a while.
>>2044433
>I kind find it anywhere, i lost my KLK folder a while ago when i went normie for a while.
trump_youhavetogoback.jpg
>>2044662
>>2044664
>>2044665
>>2044930
I don't generally like these two together, but this is adorable.
>>2044666
>ryuko
>getting embarrassed over being in lingerie
Wot.
>>2045022
I don't know if that's too far fetched.
She originally managed to get over her embarrassment because
>Senketsu talked her through it
>The suit gave her power
>She'd literally be weakened in battle if she spent time on being embarrassed
Lingerie offers no protection in battle, isn't sentient, and is tied with emotional/lovey dovey stuff, which we know Ryuuko isn't totally comfortable with anyway.
>>2045022
It's the same logic as getting embarrassed while being seen in underwear, but not a swimsuit.
>>2045025
Ryuko is an life fiber hybrid, she's literally immune to basically anything but other life fibers and only using a specific technique with a weapon made of the stuff can kill her.
Plus she spent a good portion of the last few eps completely naked without a single fuck being given.
>>2045029
>Ryuko is an life fiber hybrid, she's literally immune to basically anything but other life fibers and only using a specific technique with a weapon made of the stuff can kill her.
Didn't you watch the beginning of the series? She'd pass out from bloodloss in part due to her embarrassment. No matter how nigh-immortal you are, you can't fight if you're not conscious.
>Plus she spent a good portion of the last few eps completely naked without a single fuck being given.
She spent the end of the last episode naked, when falling from space (unless I'm forgetting more).
And still, you're forgetting the romance and emotional embarrassment that Ryuuko has
>>2045032
Blood loss incurred by Senketsu needing to drain blood to stay activated. Also she was basically nude for the time between when she woke up to when she got captured by mama bad touch.
>>2045022
There's being naked, and then there's being sexy in front of Nee-san. Albums in a spot before officially going out with each other.
>>2045029
It's in script so I've heard and I wish they hadn't cut it, but during her coma after the sports festival Ragyo and Nui were tormenting her mind for months. When she was ready to be goaded into rashly attacking they sent covers to wake her up. At that point she was a wreck with the only thoughts in her mind being the implanted "You're not human" and "Come find your mother". Still wrapped herself in a sheet though.
>what if still hasn't updated
>all the newer fics look like ass
The suffering is real.
>>2028792
>share more secrets together
non and satsuki are in love my guy
>>2045254
I could write a new fic, but it would beRyuuko/Nui.
>>2045358
you bastard.
>>2045359
Sure you don't want it? Not to stroke my own epenis, but I'm a fairly good writer.
All you have to do to get new, delicious Kill la Kill yuri is to admit that Ryuuko/Nui is the only canon pairing in the show. Just a small admission, in your heart of hearts.
>>2045361
You.
Bastard.
>>2045361
>Ryuuko/Nui is the only canon pairing in the show.
You just proved that you can't possibly be a good writer.
>>2045254
>Writings bad, need to know what's wrong.
>Few people will sit to read flawed work, fewer give structural feedback.
>Can't improve because don't know exactly what's wrong without constantly sitting and rereading after dumping the work from mind.
>Cycle repeats.
Chicken and egg anon.
>>2045374
Clearly they just want to push their ship, is all. Good writer or not.
>>2045402
Post link. Might give it a shot, if it's for helping out.
>>2045406http://archiveofourown.org/series/397912 I know part one is a mess. Second part more indicative of current writing. People like the premise I guess, many read, yet few like or comment. It needs work and don't entirely know exactly what do to bring it up.
>>2045413
>>2045361
Well I want to see what you come up withFrom one Nuifag to another
>>2045411
So, here's what I'm seeing. I'm not familiar with KLK, so some things (like swearing) might be appropriate, considering the apparently crazy setting.
Probably lots of opinions, too, which I try to note as such.
She's got brass: First off, shit's fun.
- I gather your intent was to have conversation only? Works okay (gets a good amount of information across, actually, but not all), but world building is always nice and having characters do things (especially express themselves - which, it seems, you tried to emulate with cursives?) outside of talking feels a bit more natural. Not required, but would improve things (for me).
- Excessive swearing, and on that note
- all caps for shouting and
- non-responses in ellipses.
- Not always 100% sure who's talking to whom.
- Notes tell me things the story should.
- Same thing with chapter summaries.
- Ch. 3: I -assume- (which is the criticism) they talk about Ryuuko making stuff with life fibers?
- Ch. 4: I have little idea what's going on, aside from Ryuuko security-test attacking...everyone? Everywhere?
- Ch. 5: (opinion) I get it, really, but I also get tired of the "she says" quickly. Repitition of this kind in general. It's usually a quick quip. I suppose it's acceptable for a short chapter.
- Ch. 6: Oh... (opinion) Still, it was funny. Though it feels like some details in the thoughts are missing.
- Ch. 7: Missing character action informing the reactions. This time going so far as making Satsuki seem OOC. (henceforth opinion: ) You lost me on who's who, doing what, after the refitted new get-up for Ryuuko.
- bit of punctuation here and there (and forgot to turn off cursives at times)
Gonna take a break here, because I have to go. If these things don't help you, let me know.
>>2045445
Contd. (I probably should add that I'm not an editor. So you're free to dismiss anything I say as incompetence. Well...you could do that if I were an [incompetent] editor, too, of course)
- Ch. 9: (100% opinion: ) Also I'm not fond of drunk sex, which turns out okay (worse if not, obviously), but I suppose it kinda makes some sense between these two.
- Ch. 10: Aside from the beginning, largely no idea who's who. Or if, I don't know what's going on.
- Ch. When You Went Off The Rails: (opinion) It's somewhat possible to follow (because I have good fantasy. And that fetish. Thank you for this.), but I think you already have to be deep in the anime gutter to do so. It lacks any sort of show. Or even tell. I think.
- Ch.
- The broken "conversation" reads horribly, ellipses, cut-offs and all. For writing, this is how not to do it. It conveys (some of) the content, but it reads like a headache. And it's not stopping.
In general, there seems to be many times you're trying to say something, or have the characters try to say something, but leave out too many words. I find myself having to assume or guess a lot of things, even outside of what I do or don't know about KLK. Sometimes it comes toegether half a page later, sometimes it does not. At times, the hints that are there are enough, but it nevertheless sounds off. The clipped speach does not work in your favor, at least not clipped to this extent.
Sometimes it seems whole sentences are missing. Suddenly you have a point without making it (e.g. someone saying something without any connection to anything prior) Or I'm just missing implications.
>>2045545
House of Red and Blue: Overall much, MUCH improved!
- Much improved conversations. The stuttering, considering everything, is fine, just keep it tight, not 5 W on a W-What.
- You still have the strange habit of using cursive/italics for entire sentences. I don't understand the purpose most of the time.
- Sometimes a bit too many adjectives. Show, don't tell.
e.g., Ch. 1: "Wrapping one hand around front to apologetically hug her" -> "Wrapping one hand around front to hug her, Satsuki apologized". OR let Satsuki speak, while doing it.
- (opinions) Still missing detail in what's going on outside their talking. I feel lost in what's going on sometimes. Especially if you jump topics within a chapter.
- Ch. 2: This is a good example of a strange habit you have: "Deep bow added for emphasis." It says what it is, but in a wrong way. "Satsuki added..." or "She added..." or "For emphasis, Satsuki/she..."; You do this a lot. It reads weird and, I presume, it's plain technically wrong. Same thing happens with the very next sentence. And A LOT in both fics in general.
- Ch. 3: I don't understand what's happening with Ryuuko in the beginning. Aside from embarrassment...obviously. That might be becase I don't know the Anime?
Finished there for now. All in all much improved, as I said. A few things from the first part might help here, too. Overall, though, not too bad bad to read. The only thing that's really missing overall is detail. Especially when it comes to connecting any overarching plot or plot points.
>>2045445
>>2045545
>>2045546I don't recommend using the thread, but it might be a bit late to say that. Opening by saying I had NO idea what I was doing for the first few chapters, probably still off. I had a keyboard and Notepad that no one took away from me.
>not familiar with KLK
Writing aside curious on how that works out while visiting this thread.
>conversation onlyMore because that's all I could actually figure out, hence the short lived onomatopoeia. This needs the most work. Constantly changing the formatting and usages of things like the italics and such to try and throw in thoughts, narration, vocal tone shift, POV specific nouns, etc. This would encompass all the ellipses and such.
>who's talking to whom.Out of necessity tried using "talking quirks" to differentiate. It could be difficult to tell some of them without knowing the source, but I know this needs to be done better and it loops back to above point.
>3
Could be making, using the techniques on regular cloth. see 12.
>4
Overgrown greentext turned chapter. Alien references. Security are the marines. Nonon get's face hugged.
>5,6
Thought experiment. Prob not doing again.
>7Used one sided conversations to avoid making OC's. Don't know how to. Trying to avoid again. On grammar, was still majorly writing in notepad. Stopped doing that.
>9Only so many ways to start sister-scissoring. Natures social lubricant worked out.
>10
Relies on character quirks. I can guess issue from above.
>Fiber fiddling
New ground, fun idea. I can't write smut for shit tho.
>beyond
Guessing bad.
>3
Desk bit came out bad.Breakdown references Junketsu-Ryuko show arc.Ellipses for pausing, dash for breaking, etc, bad. Work on actual Narration, replace Conversation. Plots hesitantly on the chopping block. Don't normally like SOL, but it kinda turned into one.
Thank you.
Sorry for blog.
>>2045990
