itt times youve acted like the jokeman
Has Leto gone totally insane?
>>71998914
>eating scrambled eggs
>bit of eggo falls off my spoon
>throw on the floor for dog
>dog is not here
>leave it on the floor
mommy told me to go to bed but im still up
SOMEONE LOCK ME UP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
I watched movie
>>71998914
>mom told me to finish my dinner
>put my napkin discretely over the food
>throw it on the floor
>wow anon you are a messy eater
“A lot of it has to do with creating a character with some kind of history and footprint in our world. And not have this sacrosanct being outside of our continuum, our reality. If a guy like him really existed today, where would he come from? How would he do business? Who would he know? What would he look like? In my mind, I took a lot of inspiration from drug lords on Instagram. It’s a great way to understand the lifestyle of a villain.”
"The tattoos tell a very specific story, and eventually people will decipher them and understand what’s going on, but obviously they’re contentious, any time you do something new it’s contentious. There’s very specific stories and easter eggs in those tattoos. And even his teeth, there’s an entire story behind that which is absolutely canon. It’s putting his history on his body. This Joker is a little more working class, who I believe could live in our world."
>I took a lot of inspiration from drug lords on Instagram
>This Joker is a little more working class
Jesus Christ, Ayer...
>>71998914
>be in high school
>get to pre calculus class
>teacher says its pop quiz time, no cheating
>I read a lot the night before and remember all of the kinds of problems on the quiz
>ace it
>mfw remembering stuff good is just another form of cheating
I cheated that test good!
>>71998914
>Told to get wheat bread on the way home
>buy a different brand of wheat bread
>customer wants 1/2 lbs of ham
>give them 2/4 lbs of ham
>told to take the trash out
>I throw it in the neighbor's trash bin
>dog wants to go for a walk
>take a different route than he's used to
SOMEONE STOP ME
>sophmore year of high school
>TDK had just come out
>think The Joker is the hottest shit
>always dropping the pencil trick line
>everyone gets into it because of the hype from TDK
>this motivates me
>come Halloween
>go out all out
>get professional makeup done, adhesive fake scars, order the suit, shirt, vest, everything 1:1 with money i've saved up
>even go as far as to get a cheap grey suit and the correct clown mask from the bank heist scene
>get to school
>everyone thinks im just one of the Joker's lackeys
>"oh neat anon"
>2nd period
>we arent doing shit in class
>drop the "I believe whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger" line
>pull off mask
>everyone is blown away to see the makeup, dyed hair, etc underneath
>go to restroom to change into real costume
>walk out laughing like a madman
>lunch time
>girl comes up to me and says my costume is amazing and asks for a picture
>"Hehe...you think this is a costume? This is who i really am inside!....you wanna know how I got these scars?"
>she's just really giddy and ignores my autism for the picture
>continue to drop random joker lines throughout the day in the worst impression possible
This all happened 100% true I am not bullshitting you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty3oWRW90CQ
>>71998914
Once someone asked for a couple of ice cubes in their drink, and I only put in ONE!
>>71999463
Gage?
>Feed the dog...cat food
>Wear mismatched socks
>Recharch non-rechargable batteries
>Enjoy the finale of Seinfeld
>Wear same pair of underwear 2 days in a row
>Skinny dip in my bathtub
>Don't unplug my phone charger after 100% charge
>Eat Flintstones vitamins twice a day
>Shave without shaving cream
MOM'S GONNA FREAK
>Walking through uni with pink trenchcoat and purple combat boots
>Dyed my hair green before uni started so I'm known as The Joker
>Decide to pull off pranks everywhere I go because I literally can't help myself
>One day I'm sitting in the middle of sociology class
>Prof is talking about how we are all different, yet we all need to work together
>I stand up in the middle of the lecture and walk out of the lecture hall
>tfw I left 5 minutes before class was over
>tfw I left my expensive MacBook there, logged into my MySpace account, where I follow weird bands like Linkin Park and Metallica
>tfw no one talks to me because they're now intimidated by my swag
>>71999463
Sure thing Jared
>walk in restroom
>see restroom attendant
>hands me toilet paper
>poop in the urinal
>make eye contact with him the entire time
>don't wash hands
>walk out
>momi i gotta pooop
>ok let pull ver at the gas station
>go into bathroom
>shit pants
>mfw mom doesnt know
>take my wife's son to see The Force Awakens
>"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
>cinema dead quiet awaiting the music
>I whisper loudly
>"Han dies"
LOCK ME UP
>use a cart to buy groceries
>get back to car
>load groceries into trunk
>leave cart next to car
>>71999221
1/2 and 2/4 is the same number dipshit
>microwaving pizza
>box says let cool for 1 minute
>bite into it immediately
SOMEBODY LOCK ME UP
>>71998914
WAKA WAKA
>Go to France
>Rent a truck
>Drive it into people
Am I doing it right?
>>72000181
?????????????
>Jew gay friend sits in front of me in class
>class is empty
>walk towards my seat
>"hello... KIKE"
>he look at me with a frown and eyes that scream"wtf dude"
>get real close to his ear until he could feel my breath and whisper
>"the holocaust never happened"
>he's about to freak
>i kiss him on the mouth
>we fuck in my house the same day while playing world at war
mom would certainly freak out
>>72000181
AND THE CUSTOMER NEVER SAW IT COMING
don't let me do my joker laugh
>>71998914
>Be me
>Be Halloween
>dressed up with friends at mall, see movie theatre
>love popcorn
>we aren't going to see a movie
>tell friends to wait outside movie theatre, I walk in
>come out with large bag of movie theatre popcorn
I love movie theatre popcorn.
>>72000512
HEEEEEEEEEY
SHUT THE FUCK UUUUUUP
I'M TRYIN TO GET A SMILEY FACE TATTOO
>Go to the movie theater with friends
>Narnia sequel
>Turn on the lights
>Leave
>>72000548
>taking out inside food
Too mad, man.
>Door said 'pull'
>I pushed it
>It opened
>mfw
>>71999043
Line has been legitmently crossed here man
>>72000106
I'm unironically mad.
At a family get together, I listened to Duality by Slipknot while I sneakily emptied a packet of thumb tacks into a big bowl of Smarties HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Those gluttons deserved to BLEED HAHAHAHA
This is from three years ago, probably my best joke
>Mom says "good luck at your hockey game"
>I have bad luck and play like shit
Jokes on you bitch
>>71999854
stopitgethelp.gif
>>72000181
>>72000181
>Pretending to be stupid to get replies.
It worked I guess...
>>71999463
You're legitimately autistic.
>>71999463
Any more stories of encounters from that day?
>>72000219
Is that how you got the scars?
>>72002853
No, it was just a tribute, dumbass.
>riding the bus
>start itching my nose
>someone makes fun of me saying I'm picking my nose
>I tell them I'm not picking my nose
>continue to itch my nose
>get a nose bleed from scratching too much
>person once again makes fun of me for picking my nose
>I start to cry and threaten to kill them for lying and saying I was picking my nose
>get suspended for terroristic threats
>I actually was picking my nose the whole time
Jokes on them.
>>71998914
>go to Taco Bell
>stay seated for longer than 30 minutes
MOMS
>>>/gif/8823622
>>71999463
Please have more stories
>Mom asks me to do dishes when she leaves to go shopping
>don't do them until she gets back.
>complain about /v/ posters on /tv/
>complain about /tv/ posters on /pol/
>complain about /pol/ posters on /v/
>actually browse them all
SOMEONE STOP ME
>say will watch third ghostbusters years ago
>don't
>>71999043
you're playing with fire, better not get caught or you'll lose your good boy points
>eating at sizzler
>see survey card on table
>pencil in all answers as "unsatisfactory"
>sign it "Seymore Butts"
>>72004337
>WHY DOWE FALL? SOWE CANL EARN TO PICK OURSELVES UP
>>72004374
really makes you think
>>72004446
You know what really makes you think? What if someone just stood in the middle of Wall Street and yelled cut? Maybe the monkeys in suits would forget their trained routine of going to work.
>>72005155
Really makes you think
>>71999768
>>71999221
The madness needs to stop so we can unite the germanic people under one flag.
>be me
>just off of my grounding for my last “project"
>woke up early on sunday, got the New York Times crossword puzzle, and filled in all the answers in pen with “DAMAGED”, “MANIAC”, “CIVILIZEDANIMALS”, and “SOCIETYISANILLUSION”
>X’d out extra squares and put it back
>father lost control of himself and in his mixed emotional furor of fear, dejection, confusion and sadness, bent me over his knee and gave me a spanking with tear soaked eyes. It was the first time of seen him cry, but since then i have frequently seen that same redness in his cheeks
>mother needed to be admitted to psych ward, as police questioning clearly indicated that she posed a threat to herself in the mental state that resulted from my actions
>police couldn’t press charges, as i showed such attention to detail that it appeared as though the crossword section was never removed from the newspaper
>they all knew though, first and foremost my parents, who would never look at me the same way again
>turned out i underestimated how truly deranged i really was, so i decide to be a good little boy to avoid scrutiny and as i lay the foundation my masterpiece
>do all my chores
>meet with my therapist and tell her what she wants to hear
>start going to my church group twice a week instead of just once a week
>finally, i make my first move
[1/5]
>>72005678
>”mother, can i get an ant farm?”
>”…why?” she asks, not even bothering to conceal her suspicion
>”well, my behavior hasn’t been acceptable lately, and i would be lying if i told you this was lost on me. i think being responsible for a community, no matter how insignificant, would help me put things in perspective,” i rattle off, just like i practiced
>”…do you think you’re god?…,” her emotionless inquiry nearly catching me off guard. i suppose i sharpened her wit more than i realized; maybe even opened her eyes
>”divinity and humanity are mutually exclusive, and i only wish to understand the divide. please mother, even if you don’t see me as the son you raised, he is all i am capable of seeing myself as,” the phrase effortlessly falling from my lips as if not spoken by me, but by some kind of demonic ghost
>she buys it
>continue my good behavior
>care for the ants as if they were my own children
>watch them thrive and their colony grow
>parents see me working on my ant farm everyday after i finish my homework, and despite their reticent dispositions, i can see a foundation of hope when i look into there eyes
>its time for me to make my next move
>”father, i know you’ve been saying that you wish id take more of an interest in school, and I’ve finally taken it to heart. i was hoping you could buy me a chemistry set through which i could supplement my studies”
>”a sudden interest in school? what kind of game are you playing!” he replies in a calculated show of primacy about as transparent as some kind of demonic ghost
>”father, I’m through with games, i finally realize that life is no joke and school is the first step on the path to success. if i don’t focus on math and science, i am seriously hurting my future earning potential,” my response a subtle little ploy hedged on his beliefs toward modern education
>”…well…ok, i suppose there’s no harm in purchasing you an educational tool."
[2/5]
>>72005706
>keep up my good behavior
>perform chemistry shows at family gatherings, to much fanfare every time
>a pity that no one bothered to notice my demonstrations were performed with 4 test tubes, while directly above the “ages 10 and up” label, the box clearly indicated that the set came with 5...
>parents now approach me with stern apprehension. there is no trust, but they finally see me as their son again
>its finally time to tie everything together
>”hey mother and father, it’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend. maybe we should go on a picnic?”
>”thats not a bad idea, son!” replied my father, “what do you think, oh beautiful wife?”
>”…sure, why not?” although she had a certain hesitancy to her; a certain paleness of flesh and spirit, not unlike some kind of demonic ghost
>i gather my supplies and prepare for what will be my magnum opus
>after all, my splinter colony was growing quite nicely...
>we arrive at the park
>i lay out the blanket in an area near our parking space, but intentionally leave the basket in the car
>”son, where’s the basket?” my mother asks nonchalantly
>”oh, silly silly me, i must have left it in the car. would you mind getting it?”
>i witness a flash of horror momentarily wash over her face and govern her manner, as if she just saw some kind of demonic ghost. she dismissed it as quickly as it came, but her instincts were correct. its easy to forget we are animals after all
>as she walks toward the car, i anticipate the shriek that arrives right on schedule
>she trudges toward the picnic site as if approaching the crime scene; a crime scene in which her spirit was separated from her body birthing a demonic ghost
>she deliberately lays down the basket, and scrawled across the top of the picnic basket is “DAMAGED”
[3/5]
>>71999768
>wear same pair of underwear 2 days in a row
W-what's wrong with this?
>>72005728
>”WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?” my father yelled, “DID YOU REALLY NEED TO REMIND US YOU’RE IS DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR!?”
>”…oh this…this isn’t about me…its a mirror for all those with the fortune to gaze upon me…society is the crutch for those who are truly damaged…and im here to remind humanity of what it forgot when it stopped foraging and decided to take root and bend the nature to its desires for comfort and security…heh…haha…”
>i stifle the laughter welling up in my diaphragm. its not time…not yet
>my mother sits, unresponsive; a deep terror present in her eyes
>”…dearest mother…remember when you asked me if i thought i was god…a very incisive question by the way…well i gave you an honest answer…divinity and humanity are mutually exclusive, and i was certainly no god at the time…i found him though; all it took was the extermination of my own humanity…HA...…HAHA…
>her face still paralyzed with fear, tears begin to stream her cheeks as if her eyes were faucets and some kind of demonic ghost loosened the pipe fittings causing them to leak
>it was becoming harder to contain my laughter, but the time still wasn’t right and i dare not sully my masterpiece with premature celebration
>”well…aren’t you going to open it, I’m beginning to get a little 'antsy'?” i say mischievously.
>”dont open the box, beautiful wife” said my father, but my mothers demonic ghost hands had already started moving toward the picnic basket
>upon witnessing the carnage, my father immediately began to vomit and the terror in my mother’s face turned to emptiness
[4/5]
>>72005753
>”…ANTS!!!…ALL OVER THIS LOVELY LUNCH THAT YOUR MOTHER PREPARED…BUT HOW, I SAW YOU MAINTAINING YOUR ANT FARM RIGHT BEFORE WE LEFT!!!”
>i held my test tube in the air, making sure his eye would catch the shimmer of the glass in the sunlight. inside there were the unmistakable traces of ant nutrient paste and sand
>his eyes widened, then narrowed. his speech immediately became broken and subdued
>”the ant farm…the housework…all a ruse...the chemistry performances…the family bonding…my son…monster…my son…monster…i created him…i created him…”
>he stood up and wandered away from the blanket, purposefully and yet without direction. his mumbling lingering like a faint murmur in the wind as he disappeared down the horizon
>”cheer up mom, you should be happy. you and dad are the proud parents of god as the world will know him…heh…ha…ha..haha….hahaHahaHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAAH”
[5/5]
>>72005783
>two weeks later
>police show up at my door
>they still can’t find my father, and my mother is completely catatonic
>their pretense is giving me an update, but what happened was clear as day and i know they are just fishing for evidence
>”So we still don’t have any leads on your fathers whereabouts,” he says with narrowed eyes, searching for weakness
>”What an awful shame. Have you tried questioning my ants?”
>”Excuse me?” he replies, trying to keep his cool, but i can tell i struck a nerve
>”Did i say ANTS? Im sorry, i meant AUNTS; my fathers sisters. i used to put on chemistry shows for them. curious the effect tragedy has on the mind.”
>”…,” his mouth was agape
>”Maybe my mother will emerge from her self-imposed mental prison. Lord knows I’ve been doing what i can. In fact, i just had a picnic with her a few days prior at the mental hospital, which the nurses opined was just lovely”
>”You sick bastard, those files may be sealed right now, but ill make sure word gets out about what you did. The law’s hands may be tied, but rest assured you’ll be receiving some ‘visits’ in the near future!”
>he sounds hysterical and panic stricken, i succeeded in what i set out to do
>i move my face close to his ear and whisper, “I’m counting on it…"
[6/5]
posting clasicc shit from last thred
>>71999463
It's ok son you made it
>>72005678
>>72005706
>>72005728
>>72005753
>>72005783
demonic ghost / 10
>>72005783
Say demonic ghost one more time motherfucker.
>>71999579
That's just disrespectful
>>72005783
DEMONIC
>GHOST
>>71999768
>enjoy the finale of Seinfeld
Line has been crossed
I've been wearing the same pyjamas for 3 weeks now.
>>72006548
I didn't change my sheets for 3 months
>>72004337
Dat kerning
>enter public restroom
>go into each stall and flip the toilet paper so it's under instead of over
>actually flush the toilet when i'm done
after washing my hands, aimlessly flick water onto the restroom mirror
>turn on all of the automatic hand dryers and run
Nobody at that rest stop was ever the same....
>Cunt Queen AKA "Mommy" tells me to clean out the cat box
>take a dustbin and scoop the cat shit into it and dump it into the toilet
>leave the piss-soaked cat litter in the box
>SHE NEVER EVEN KNEW THE DIFFERENCE
>heheheaheheheheheHEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAHEAHEHAEHAHEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
>>72005783
you are one fucking sick
>DEMONIC GHOST
>>72006745
>actually flush the toilet when i'm done
This is a Joker thread. Thats something batman would do
>>72006795
>implying any normal, untainted human ever has the common decency to flush nowadays
It says a lot when someone as damaged as myself is the only reasonable one... Makes you wonder, who among us is REALLY insane??
>>72006708
I'm probably up to 2.5 months atm
>>72005783
You devilish phantom!
>>71998914
I went to the movies and paid $40 to rent a falcon perch. I don't even own a falcon.It was a hawk.
I shipped KorraxAsami
I fapped to Yotsuba
>>72007267
Ban this man.
>be in elementary school
>school just started
>teacher tells us to write about what we did over the summer
>make up a story about going on vacation
>I didn't actually go on vacation, I just sat at home and tried to watch cartoons while my parents fought
Lowered the desks at my office so when people slide towards them they hit their knees.
>>72007311
SOMEONE LOCK THIS FUCKER UP
>>71999915
This is why we don't allow singles. Zero accountability without a bathroom buddy.
>>72007342
Straight up dastardly.
I never rewound my vhs tapes.
>>72007415
Fuck you
>>72005809
>Demonic ghost
Everytime.
>about to go out for lunch
>my mother's boyfriend tells me to get him an iced coffee, no ice
>get to shop and order
>"...with one iced cube. hehe..."
>wagecuck Stacey is visibly uncomfortated
>take the way home
>by the time I arrive, the cube has melted
>hand it to my mother's boyfriend
>"here you go... no ice!"
>I watch him drink it all, laughing diamonically
>get beat
HiT mE aLl YoU wAnT i'M aLrEaDy DaMaGeD
>>71999463
This is what you really looked like.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsbIdSGwoEs
>get hit by car
>paramedic says "don't you die on me, damnit!"
>die anyway
>>71999463
>drop the "I believe whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger" line
He says "whatever doesn't kill you only mames you stranger"
ISHYD flub the line on the day
>implying this ever happened
>>72007616
>mames
I blew it.
>>72000444
Absolute madman. Those repeating digits need checking too
>Dad asks me if I'm applying for jobs
>I say yes
>I'm actually not
>mom tells me to go to sleep
>stay up playing pokemon sapphire on gba using fish tank light
>get caught have it taken away and grounded from it
>play it anyway
>a decade later smash gba in autistic rage
>>71999162
You should feel ashamed jokerman. Nobody else would have known what you done.
Maybe Jokerman laughs so hard cuz he feels sad inside. Im sad too, Jokerman
I park in the disabled spots and fake a limp when I get out.
>"""Friends""" post my mobile on Craigslist (men seeking men) as a joke
>Start getting numerous phone calls everyday from sex hungry degenerates
>Hook up with every one and swallow gallons of cum
Tables have turned now motherfuckers
back in school some chinese kid tripped and fell and i laughed at him
Standing on the waters casting your bread
While the eyes of the idol with the iron head are glowing
Distant ships sailing into the mist,
You were born with a snake in both of your fists while a hurricane was blowing
Freedom just around the corner for you
But with the truth so far off, what good will it do?
Jokerman dance to the nightingale tune,
Bird fly high by the light of the moon,
Oh, oh, oh, Jokerman
So swiftly the sun sets in the sky,
You rise up and say goodbye to no one
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread,
Both of their futures, so full of dread, you don't show why
Shedding off one more layer of skin,
Keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within
I once rewrote a scene from BvS and made it even better. Sad thing is, I wrote it in 20 minutes.
>>72000065
IM CALLING THE COPS JUST AS WE SPEAK
>>72007699
so do those
>>71998914
The Joker, as I feel he could learn a lot from me as I too am a sociopath. Sure, I haven't been classified as such by a psychological professional (I'm far too smart for that) but I recognize enough symptoms to know I'm mentally 'ill'. Personally, I feel that the Joker has yet to realize his full potential and he could learn a thing or two about from me. We would probably bond over our mutual hate for society and it hypocrisy and how other people are only useful as pawns. We could take turns showing each other our knife collections, though I'm sure mine is much larger than his.
