Chev Chelios must ______ to stay alive
shitpost
>>69662550
die
Fap
how has there not been a porn parody of crank where chev has to ejaculate to stay alive
>>69662550
>kill
This causes him to seek out assholes in his everyday life.
>mfw he goes to a particularly "liberal" college campus
>>69662550
eat diamonds
Heist movie inc.
Am I the only one that was turned on when the horse jumped over the wife on the race track?
lick willies
touch boobies
What did he mean by this
>>69662550
eat funnel cakes
>>69662595
banepost
>>69662550
Cum
>>69662550
evanpost
>>69662550
Say quips
>>69662595
I really want to see this movie.
Talk with his asshole
get dubs
Sing
>>69663368
you're living it nigga
speak Pig Latin
>>69662550
Lick ass for vital fungal bacteria
>>69662550
What if jason statham is actually chelios and has to make all those mediocre action movies to stay alive
Would explain parker and all those other identical statham movies that arent crank or transporter
>>69662550
>work 40 hours a week
punch an immigrant
>>69662595
>>69663245
>>69663368
He'd surely die, though. With the timer between posts.
>>69663649
Would watch the directors cut with 190 hours of bonus footage
>>69662550
BUILD A WALL
>>69662550
make America great again
>>69662595
Crank 4: Down Under
Get cucked by BBC
>>69662550
receive regular enemas
>>69662550
How can they ever top this shit
>>69662716
So you want a conservative version of God Bless America? Because I lean left and I thought that movie was insufferable dogshit.
>>69663806
>>69663895
Neveldine/Taylor will never be able to outdo Crank 2, it's literally the pinnacle of everything they are good at as directors and the perfect distillation of their style.
>>69664021
What if Chev is on DMT the entire time for Crank 3
>>69663994
GET OUT BENJEWMAN NETWORTHYAHOO!®
>>69663249
breathe.
A really boring movie tbqhwyfamiglia.
>>69663667
Post on your phone idiot, and swipe airplane mode on and off for quick IP resets.
Fight Chev Chelios' from alternate universes
Only watched the first 1 pretty hot when they fuck in public
So is the 2nd as good?
>>69664333
Crank 2 is better in every way
Complete the dark souls trilogy without sleeping or dying once
>>69664333
They fuck in public again but with added slo-mo hosecock.
>>69664424
*horsecock
>>69663965
Who doesn't want their fantasies turned into a movie? GBA was dogshit, though, you're right.
Chev Chelios
>>69662550
>>69663143
say racial slurs to minorities
program video games
>>69662550
Take Hallucinogens
Jerk Off
Drive Fast
Drink Blood
>>69664333
Crank 2 is Kino.
>chicken...
>and broccoli
>cunt-onese
>KAIJU FIGHT
>finger gun
Rape
>>69664333
Crank 2 is a celebration of excess. 12/10 on the Kino scale.
>>69662550
not question the Holocaust
>>69663499
this seems quite plausible
>>69663806
>>69664049
That's what I'm saying man, the next one's gotta involve mind-altering drugs in some capacity.
>>69666666
Nice quints
>>69662550
Insert crank 2 DVDs into the DVD player implanted in his chest
>>69663806
>>69662595
Hey guys what would be a theoretically good website to stream Crank 1 if I wanted without being banned or whatever? Ive never seen it and wanna share with anons
>>69663895
Fucking christ I forgot about this. Watched the first one recently, need to watch 2 again.
>>69663667
That's how they make it an action movie, he has to not only shitpost effectively, he also has to keep stealing people's phones and computers to get around the timer.
as much as i want another crank, i think its best to leave it as is
>>69662550
Chelios has 3rd degree burns, and he must kill, skin, and wear their birthday suits ala darkman to stay alive
>>69662550
Chev Chelios must stay calm to stay alive
if his heart beat goes above 120 it'll explode
>>69662550
Constantly come up with new and interesting shitposts.
>>69666733
that's something they would legit pull in this series
Chev Chelios must jog to stay alive, we'll call it The Running Man
Get likes and upvotes on youtube. Every like he gets adds a second to his lifecounter.
>>69662550
by cucked by 12 niggers
>the message he sent at the end of the first movie is just the sound of wind when played back in the second movie
>>69670928
Gosh where did you come up with that super idea bud?
>>69662550
be drug'd
snatch birthdays
succ dicc
>>69662680
wank 2: high cummage
>>69662595
> Chev heads on over to /b/ and gets supercharged
>>69662595
>needs to get x amount of (You)s
Fucks his daughter raw
>>69670925
This has potential for some clever action and a lot of keks
>>69674855
what the fuck, how'd this fucker get past captcha and the filter?
>>69675260
Skynet.
>>69674855
This is the first spam post I've seen on 4chan in YEARS.
>>69675260
3rd worlder probably bought a 4chan pass and will carry on til he gets banned
Crank 1 and Crank 2 are 10/10 movies. If you deny you are a homo loser who will never understand film
>>69662550
Loved that movie when I was teen. Now it looks retarded.
>>69662550
Keep his heartrate low.
anything over 80bpm, and his heart explodes
>>69670925
>>69675023
>he has to kill everybody in room with as few moves as he can
>the slowest car chase in history
>horny Amy Smart wants to have sex bu he can't
would watch/10
>>69662550
>lick a muslim's anus every ten minutes
>>69666733
I've seen this in a previous Crank2 thread before.
>>69662550
Keep doing drugs, I don't know exactly how it would work but maybe different drugs buy him different amounts of time.
>>69676517
That already exists and it has Johnny Depp (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)
That Mike Patton soundtrack in Crank 2 was perfect. It was basically another Fantomas album.
Statham and Neveldine/Taylor are just churning out shut when they could be working on crank 3. It'll never happen.
>>69662550
>>69677012
be a complete fucking retard to everyone he meets
>>69664021
Crank 2 was trash. It was like watching a trainwreck, or Machete Kills.
>>69662550
Fuck a midget.One specific midget.
>>69678018
But theiridentity's a secret.
be a mad cunt
I made a horribly shitty high school movie project based on this exact premise.
It's really been years, I really acted like a retard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF0NlmmTEI8
>>69670789
>>69663667
>>69662595
I'm dying
>>69679100
please dont share this with anyone ever again
(i already downloaded the video dont worry)
>>69662550
eat the souls of deflowered 7 year olds
>>69662550
Be sensitive to cultural and gender differences
I want a diabetes-themed Crank where Chev needs to keep his blood sugar up. The finale can be in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.
>>69679290
for real bot spam advertising some work from home shit.
>>69679318
kek
>>69662550
fuck
>>69679318He drowns himself in the chocolate river.
>>69679318
10/10
Pay his tellie license
>>69662550
Meme
All that Cockney Rhyming Slang that Americans probably don't understand in Crank 2 is the best part.
It deteriorates in to complete nonsense by the end of the film where it can't possibly rhyme with anything. "Sausage Nigels" being the best one.
>>69666287
is this cinema or kino?
chicken and broccoli
sit stillamy smart still comes over and fucks him again
Would you get cranked if it meant you could fuck Amy Smart in public?
I know I would
>>69677119
Thanks bro, I've been looking for more titles to add to my pleb filter
>Crank 2
>Star Trek V
>The Witch
>Sucker Punch
>Tree of Life
How did this movie get made?
>>69670789
top kek
Have sex with Lena Dunham
>>69662595
this would explain why /tv/ went to shit in 2009
>>69662550
take a massive shit every hour
the movie would be him eating taco bell and indian food and looking for clean rest rooms.
>>69679318
I want to marry you.
hngh
>>69681119
Oh yeah stupid americans too stupid to understand what us superior brits understand
Fuck off limey
>>69686728
Electrical-taped nipples are my weakness
>>69681119
That's not cockney rhyming slang. That's just normal slang for a faggot.
>>69662595
underrated post
>>69662716
is there a werewolf movie like this told from the werewolf's perspective?
>>69662550
get online views / likes by any means available
>>69679100
It's videos like this that make me less ashamed of this video
https://youtu.be/K-XIm_r6EQs
>>69686561
Would watch.
Maybe a chase scene where he needs to get some more tp
>>69662550
watch Inside Amy Schumer
>>69664512
He just said he is left, not right. Are you retarded?
>>69688167
That's just cruel.
>>69662550
He has fuck fat ugly bitches and keep an erection.
I don't think he can do it.
>>69687972
Make it a Beavis and Butthead reference.
He just happens to be wearing a blue Metallica shirt.
>>69662550
do nothing
complete a slowpoke combo on /b/ every five minutes
>>69679100
proto-kino
>>69662550
If you think about it did he cure himself of the poison? Was there really an antidote? Poon Dong should have died from the poison unless Chev cured himself,
>>69692363
Through sheer will.
>>69681162
both
>>69690610
Wtf is a slowpoke combo?
>>69663895
homage to Electric Dragon: 80,000v
Snapchat
>>69675572
what i absolutly love about them is that they are dumb fun, there's a reason for the action and fighting but other than that it's all for the sake of action, no extremely convoluted plot with deeper meaning. good couple of movies if you want to enjoy yourself
Sing in CRANK: THE MUSICAL
>>69679100
laughed pretty good anon
>your heart's been replaced with a water turbine
lost my shit
>>69687630
you video makes me more ashamed of mine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzUeXGBPlKo
>>69688167i think letting himself die is a less drastic option
>>69663469
>>69663368
>>69662595
>>69694252
Are these worth watching? Seeing the reaction posts makes it sound appealing.
>>69662550
air-guitar
admit it
you'd watch that
>>69695481
it's cheeky
>>69662550
Get increasing amounts of replies on his shitposts.
It's one thing to shitpost. Its another to get others to reply to it.
He has to constantly ramp up his retardation and outlandish statements until he ends up assassinating the president after a "dubs tells me what to do" thread
>>69662550
have gordon ramsey yell at him constantly while he prepares a full course meal for an entire mexican family while he's killing the chinese mafia
"YOU CALL THAT A DOUBLE HEADSHOT SKILLET? MY MOM COULD KILL MEN AND COOK BETTER THAN YOU"
>>69662595
underrated post
he has to get dubs or higher
>>69694521
Minor kek
>>69693964
what is this from, she actually looks hot for a change
>>69695822
>>69695822
>higher than dubs
does such a thing even exist?
He must snatch every motherfucker birthday to stay alive
>>69695758
He basically becomes the guy who killed John Lennon and attempted assassination on Reagan.
It would be a parable about how internet is warping minds and at the end the internet is outlawed.
>>69695980
trips, quads, quints, sexts (not to be confused with sexting), etc
>>69696089it was a joke
>>69696112
i woke up early
im not sharp today
>>69695990
He becomes a birthday clown and Seagal is his booking agent and fucks kids moms on top of cake and has to do every outlandish thing they request.
>>69662550
Keep his blood alcohol above 3.0
>>69662550
Forget about Dre
>>69662550
Crank a crankshaft in his chest to wind up his heart
>>69696449
He lives today but he dies later on from cirrhosis of the liver.
>>69662550
talk about his feelings
>>69662550
stop to be bald
>>69696057
It will be true patrician kino
Somebody call the studio
he has to pronounce people's names right when working at starbucks
>>69696699
Throw in some weird porn scenes and fucked up shit.
He also gets cucked
>>69662550
dance
>>69696802
kill Melisa carthy by starving her to death
>>69663354
One does not "say" quips
One simply quips
>>69662550
jerk it
>>69696699
wow impressive
>>69696825
so DDR in Crank 3 confirmed?
>>69662550
He goes insane and has to escape the asylum and throws shit at people/etc.
>>69662550
twerk
>>69696699
what in the actual fuck
>>69662550
Chev Chelios must
>>69662550
fart
>There will never be a Crank film set in the old west
>>69695875
It's the Snapchat filter
>tfw no crank 3
>>69699233
Shit what happened to her she a was qt?
Probably drugs and the Madonna reinvent yourself shit to maintain relevance is my guess.
>>69699661
It's been 7 years.
![324364F900000578-0-image-m-25_1458160844122[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/fbbHElp.jpg "324364F900000578-0-image-m-25_1458160844122[1].jpg")
>>69699787
Look at her set photos for the new Woody allen movie she looks fine, people call her a whore and a skank but Miley actually does take care of herself
>>69699661
I'm afraid I'd be a disappointment.
The only way to top 2 is by going with the psychedelic drugs idea.
>>69663645
I hate you
>>69688781
must control gerard butler remotely in a avatar game called society.
>>69699787
>acting like Miley isn't cute as fuck in that picture that was taken monday
>>69700699
Those pants remind me of the soviet ww2 military jacket
Also look comfy as fuck
>>69662550
Watch the new Ghostbusters movie.
>>69699887
Is she bout to have a heart attack?
>>69679100
KINO
I
N
O
BRAVO KASMFILMS
>>69700699
She is cute I didn't mean to imply she wasn't in that picture. I meant she's gone downhill somewhat maybe she isn't trying to be an attention whore now.
>>69701116
holding her titty because it was bouncing
>>69693964
>>69699233
>>69699887
>>69700699
>>69701273
fuck off retard
>>69701301
>Chev Chelios has to post Miley pictures and trigger autists on /tv/ to stay alive
>>69662550
stay drunk
>>69701367
fuck off retard
>>69701273
Let em bounce.
Pur Kinomatographica
>>69662550
sing
>>69696699
Close the board. This is where we peak
>>69703832
Nah man it's the chev clown idea.>>69696394
When these movies were being released I thought they were just generic shlock action films with retarded premises.
And then I actually watched them and holy shit was I wrong, both of these are 100% prime ass kino, with High Voltage being one of the most enjoyable movies I've ever seen.
>>69670789
>WHAT KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT DOESN'T SAVE IMAGES?
>DIAL-UP ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
>>69681119
>Sausage Nigels
I started calling people this because of Crank
>>69663895
Now that the initial shock has finally worn off I might give Crank 2 another look. It'll never be as good as Crank 1, but I just know I'll be able to watch this with a more expectant outlook.
>>69674443
That was a lazy joke
>>69705174
>It'll never be as good as Crank 1
But that's wrong
A poisonous snake bites Chev's erect penis. If he doesn't maintain his erection until he gets the antivenom he dies.
The movie is a sequel. Chev Chelios is a 9 years old child, played by Jason Statham wearing overalls, multicolor striped t-shirt and a propeller beanie.
Always with a lolipop in hand/mouth, he must save his dog, talen away by the Triads for dinner of chinese godfathers.
The twist is the floor is made of lava, so he can't touch the ground.
>>69705450
>not Amy Smart has to finally cave and suck the poison out before he dies
>>69705756
Sounds like a prequel to me.
>>69704948
It's just so watchable and funny everytime I watch it.
When golden god Dennis gets killed by a ricochet I always laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVZ_-0df7XE
>>69705450
this is actually a really good synopsis
>>69705174
Everyone has their own favorite but mine is 2.
He goes absolutely batshit in 2 though is why I love it.
>>69705450
>the inevitable viagra scene
>>69706491
End of the movie is he has to call the hotline and goes to the hospital.
>>69706491
>I'm looking for something that starts with a "v"
>Vingland?
>>69706838
>he dies before he gets to the hotline but after he cures himself
>the very means to save his own life ends up ending it
What could be more poetic?
>>69679100
Lel
>>69699856
Underated webm
>>69706916
very good post
>>69675260
Apperently there's some kind of way to get past the captchas easy.
I remember seeing a thread about this scam and it had ~200 posts and about 3 IPs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U94FSsf3xM8
>>69705450
>CR4NKED
>>69662550
Crank = Wild E Coyotye
Whats in the box /tv/?
>>69708250
The rotting head of Brad Pitt's wife in Se7en
>>69708250
marcellus wallaces soul
>>69663895
What is this?
>>69708250nothing
>>69705174
I love Crank 1 for what it is. but if you consider Crank 2 as Chev's personal hell, like maybe he died after 1. Then you can enjoy it even more.
>>69707012
Wtf did I just read?
>>69708766
An erection lasting more than 4 hours is famously considered dangerous to the point where Viagra insists that you seek immedate medical attention. The irony is that while the Viagra he took ended up giving him the time to find an antidote, it ends up killing him anyway.
>>69708884
I know but the way the guy worded it made me question it.
>>69708937
It was pretty simple.
