>Went to watch Civil war in a manlet friendly screening
>tfw No mongoloid giant's head tops in front of me
>feels good
>Movie is playing
>Finally the airport fight scene
>RDJ and Ant-Man (our official hero) are kicking ass
>everyone is cheering, it looks like a kindergarten after the teacher gives the little kids cookies
>the only way this movie could get better was if Tom Cruise was in it
>suddenly middle of the airport fight
>Ant-Man gets big and starts laughing
>All I hear is "WHAT THE FUCK?" and "WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?"
>I hear crying noises and sobs
>I hear a gunshot from a manlet committing Manletcide
>He finally learned at least
>Everyone leaves the theater and asks for refunds
>Cashier says that they can't refund half price tickets
>What happens is that everyone said they were minors from a school tour, including me
>We all leave disappointed and crying
They should have put a trigger warning in it.
>go to theater alone
>tfw no gf
>head to the theatre
>get there a little early and slip the usher a $50 for his tip and a good seat
>go through the showers and inspections without a hassle
>enter the viewing station and realize it's pre-kino games
>have to sit on the dunk tank for the entirety of the film
i missed a few crucial scenes when i got dunked and had to swim away from the theatre orcas.
>stand in line at the concession stand
>have to buy falcon food for my falcon
>Anthony Mackie shows up
>eats all my falcon food
>>69070616
HOL UP
>Go to theatre alone.
>Luckily singles are allowed
>approach cashier, ask for one ticket
>Get stern looks while paying when I tell them I didn't bring friends.
>They call over security
>"Please escort this man to the lonely seat"
>Big security guy angrily grabs my arm, drags me to the theatre
>too beta to ask to stop for crab legs
>escorts me inside.
>theres a bulletproof safety box in the center of the theatre, with one seat inside
>He slams the door and locks me
>People are booing me
>"AHEM"
>Security is standing outside the box
>Slip his 100$ tip though the tip deposit slot
>he leaves
>Box gets covered in a hail of movie snacks by the others
>tfw no gf
>>69070508
>have to sit on the dunk tank for the entirety of the film
>flick fridays
>whatever, it's something to do
>as usual on these days, theatre filled with normies
>singles section completely empty, entire row to myself
>normies complain that I'm creeping out their gfs
>staff tries to explain that if I leave my row I'll be stopped by security
>autist normies can't comprehend and make staff kick me out
I didn't even want to see Ride Along 2, but this seriously pisses me off.
>go see a movie
>buy a ticket
>fuck i'm the cinema jester
>didn't bring a jester suit
>after the second dance intermission the movie continued
>5 minutes till the jester appears i hear people say
>I leave
>forgot my fruitbasket i got
>cry
>>69070424
>at the cinema, in line for Race (2016)
>get past the no whites policy by not showering for a week straight, really hyped for the movie
>manage to avoid cinema showers by bribing the cinema sheriff
>go to my seat, right next a POC family
>movie starts
>first scene shows a white guy speaking, everyone in the room starts booing
>I don't
>POC single mother next to me shoots a cinema security flare while screaming gibberish
>cinema sheriff comes in and asks what's wrong
>people start screaming at me telling me I'm not woke or something like that
>the sheriff challenges me to a duel
>take out my gun (You can bring one at our local cinema exclusively for self-defense) and get ready
>cinema deputies screams "FIRE!"
>shoot and kill the old sheriff, take his sheriff star and put it on my Watch_Dogs trenchcoat
>deputies mirin' and telling me that since I killed the old one, I am now the sheriff
>apologize to the black woman for the inconvenient and give her back the food stamps she used for the tickets
And that's how I got my job.
>go to the local cinema on my own
>singles are allowed where I live, but I'm still embarrassed about being alone
>tell the ticket seller that I'm with the group who were ahead of me in line
>he doesn't believe me
>makes me spin the wheel for a random movie
>notices me sweating
>I see his hand dip under the counter to press the emergency button
>theater bobbies arrive and drag me off for a full cavity search
>after a thorough search they fail to find anything, but decide to continue because "someone who looks this guilty must be hiding something"
>3 hours later they let me in to watch Zootopia
>as a single I must wear 1D glasses
>it's just a black visor with a paper thin slit across the eyes
I don't know what the fuss is about tbqhwy
I've got a good story from highschool
>dad used to work at a cinema in his teens, puts in a good word for me and i get a job making popcorn and shit
>it's my second week there and i've just finished cleaning the showers
>guy comes up to the counter and starts yelling about how the bathrooms are too unsanitary
>what
>rush into the bathroom, all the showers have got fucking popcorn and other movie food all over them
>soggy hotdog buns in the drain, crab legs butter on the walls, etc
>have to spend two fucking hours cleaning it
>never caught the guy who did it
how the hell do you even make a mess that big and not get noticed? our theater used a communal shower so someone else had to have been in there
poopies lol
>>69073448
>as a single I must wear 1D glasses
>2010 or whenever toy story 3 came out
>finally get to my seat, the theater was packed so i was able to cheese the no single policy since there were other singles sneaking in and they had an odd number of seats filled
>movie starts
>forget to buy movie food in my hurry to get a seat
>run out at a sprint to get my food before anything happens in the movie
>get fucking lost somehow
>end up asking the theater blacksmith for directions
>"hey, where's your partner? we have a policy here, you know!"
>knock over a platter of swords and run back to my movie
>every ten minutes throughout the movie a group of people with flashlights scan the crowd
>there's so many people they never find me
>slip out the backdoor when it's over
it was worth it to watch without snacks, such a good movie
>go to see some kino
>as a single have to go to the penis inspection Hall
>be picked as that day's theater target due to my unimpressive size
>the guards escort me to the females 13-17 theater
>paraded around and finally pushed in front of the crowd of girl
>snickering in the crown growing
>guard removes my pants
>jeering and laughter grows as do I
>forced to perform until I let out a few tiny spurts 30 seconds later
>booing followed by laughter
>have to pay extra in penalties and grovel to the audience for failing to perform long enough while self flagellating
>missed the trailers for my movie
