>wake up
>you're now a soldier of Gondor and you must protect the White City from Mordor
What you do ?
protect the White City from Mordor
>>69070008
This. Why even bother with this thread?
Wait what's on that shield?
>>69069984
Return to my post.
>>69069984
>that Star of David
Nice.
I protect the gate no matter what comes inside.
Probably kill myself, because it would mean I'm in one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy hobbit and his pals from the Shire as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the bright imagery, the series only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Tolkien vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; he made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for his books. The Lord of the Rings series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it's certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books are g-g-good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Tolkien's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that he has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of The Lord of the Rings by the same George R.R. Martin. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading The Lord of the Rings at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read George R.R. Martin." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "The Lord of the Rings" you are, in fact, trained to read George R.R. Martin.
>>69069984
>>69070026
>>69070042
>Osgiliath was an inside job to assassinate faramir
>>69069984
Steel myself.
>get drunk with soldier bros
>defend the White City from the black legions of the Great Enemy
Is there really any other choice?
>>69069984
Be glad I'm not one of those assholes charged with defending rammas echor or osgilliath.
>>69070099
>Atlas Shrugged
>God Tier
It's literally mary sue fanfic for edgelords
>>69070099
Hahahahaha I love this pasta
>>69069984
>Implying they were weaksauce.
You know Boromir's rant in FOTR saying "BY THE BLOOD OF MY PEOPLE ARE YOUR LANDS KEPT SAFE?"
That was these guys, repeatedly hurling back Sauron's shit again and again.
>>69070193
Anon that copypasta is old as fuck.
Probaby start farting and shitting myself uncontrollablly until death.
>>69069984
>you must protect the White City from Mordor
Wew that was easy.
See you on the other side brothers.
>>69070099
ah!
I'm reading right now that veery same dition of LOTR
>>69069984
die with honour
if its movie gondor then I'd probably just guard the white tree since the army is full of abu hajaar's
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owzk91QqbEA
>>69069984
>tfw Captain Boromir won't be coming back
>the Lord Steward has gone bat-shit from having a staring contest with Sauron via palantir
>Faramir is a cuck that settles for Aragorn's leftovers
>mfw all the rumors of the half-ling prince bringing 5,000 troops riding with each Rohan soldier was a lie
>mfw I have no face because it was shredded along the walls of the White City when my head was hurled at it by orc catapults
How much of Gondor's army even survived the siege?
>>69069984
die on first contact with orcs without landing a blow because movie Gondor soldiers are shit tier
>soldiers are shit
>no Imrahil and kis knights
>the city is actually breached
>no reinforcements from the South coming with Aragorn
why, Hackson
>>69070584
the guys you see at the black gate
>>69070584
They got wrecked, but thanks to the reserves that came following aragorn they managed to leave the city better defended then it had been before the battle. By the time the battle or moranon starts Aragon is commanding 6,000 men.
>>69069984
>CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGEEEE
>>69069984
>Ask Gandalf to give me magical powers and shit
>Hope he gives me magical powers and shit so I can be a total badass
I wish these guys got more screen time.
Fucking idiots don't make a spear wall totally encircling the gate--give the trolls plenty of breathing space to charge in.
>>69070710
This.
Btw,what was his duty ? Only to protect a fucking tree ?
>>69070124
Gunpowder can't blow up stone walls. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
>>69070710
>the elite of the elites in the Gondor army
>stands around guarding a fucking tree while their brothers and family die around them
>saw no action whatsoever during the War of the Ring
BRAVO TOLKIEN
>>69069984
Do I have the body of a soldier in Gondor or am I still a weak bitch like in real life?
>>69070783
>The Fountain guards saw little combat during the War of the Ring. Though the city burned around them and the air swarmed with Fell Beasts, they remained at their posts, guarding their Steward and the White Tree all through the Battle of the Pelennor Fields.
>>69070781
reddit is calling, you're wanted back home
I would read lotr and then using my knowledge run as far away from the city as possible
>>69070577
>king is a cunt who ran away like a bitch
>>69070749
>just some fucking tree
Anon it was created by Yavanna in the image of one of the two trees. It's a symbol of the divine right of the Numenorians to rule over middle earth. While individual trees have died, the line managed to find a way to survive, only destined to bloom for the true king.
>>69070876
lazy bastards
>>69070903
Your post has been selected as the "Worst and most Meaningless post of the Day!"
Congratulations!
>>69070348
>>69070099
I also have that edition of LOTR. Cool.
>>69070099
This list is so hipster i can taste it
>>69069984
Book or movie?
If movie I'd gladly ride out with my fellow Swan Knights and prince to meet the host of Sauron until the ships filled with mary sue characters arrive.
Since book-gondorians were actually competent.
>>69071489
It's a pasta, but that list isn't really hipster. All of those books are widely known and praised classics.
kick down all the ladders
>>69071614
>If movie
obviously ment book
Grab a horse and fulfill my oath to lord and land
>>69069984
Immediately get killed by an Orc
>>69069984
Join Sauron
Protect my land from rapefugees/orcs, cause any country in the european union would arrest me normally
Wear a big black robe with a face concealing helmet, sit on the shoulders of my bro and tell the orcs I'm Sauron returned so I'm ordering them to go fight the real enemy by invading the Undying Lands.
Then watch the Valar finally do something about fucking Sauron and his forces,
>>69070577
at least he was loyal to Gondor and not some wizard
>>69070531
abu hajaars legend will be told for thousand of years
>>69070924
>And then race mixed with an elf, thus making the next king of Gondor a half pointy eared faggot
>>69072552
I wonder if his child would still be mortal and get to go to heaven with dad. Unless I'm mistaken and Arwen gets the Gift of Men by choosing a mortal life, the kid will either be alone at the white shores when he dies or in some sort of shitty purgatory, or heaven.
>>69072552
half-elfs are fucking overpowered in the LOTR-universe though
Also the guy who founded Aragorns entire lineage was a half-elf and the brother to Elrond that choose to be a human.
So Aragorn is basically marrying his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers cousin, adding some royal incest into the mix.
>>69072752
at last we see Tolkien's inspiration for the Silmarillion
>>69070026
It's a stylized version of the star of David. Jews in the white city must mark themselves and everything they own. One of the few liberties that they cling to is that there are few restrictions on the design of the star. So to distinguish themselves (as they all look the same what with the big noses and all) they like to get creative with their stars.
Also the jews are forced onto the front lines, which is why he's near the front of the group. Most don't survive which is why he seems to be the only one there. He must be a particularly good fighter to survive on the front lines for so long.
This is all explained in more detail in the Silmarilion
>>69072752
That's not really incest at that point.
>>69072288
>the lord steward orders you to "FLEEEEEE FOR YOUR LIFE" right before the siege starts
What you do?
>>69070026
>A
>FUCKING
>TREE
>>69073273
fucking lmao
>>69069984
No matter what comes through that gate, I will stand my ground, anon.
>>69073273
Better than having a bitch ass horse on your flag
>>69073273
Better than being a horsefucker peasant
![ba72fb4652e83cd931540a324772f73f[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/w7mXWw9.jpg "ba72fb4652e83cd931540a324772f73f[1].jpg")
>>69069984
All of /tv/ would do this.
>>69070099
>Karamazov, Atlas and Gatsby at God-tier.
>Crime and Punishment only at high-tier
>Hero of Our Time is nowhere to be seen in high-tier
Shit list, familia.
>>69073398
>>69073418
>Be a Gondorfag
>Get rekt from Orcs in a fortified city wearing the best armour and weapons in the land
>Watch your wives get the BOC
>A FUCKING TREE for an emblem
>Be Rohan master race
>Call out Orcs on open field and slaughter them
>Army is just peasants with some spare iron scraps we had lying around
>Majestic horse symbol
How can Gondorfags live with themselves?
>>69072752
>So Aragorn is basically marrying his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers cousin
So literally barely related. I mean I could pick any random person of northern european descent and we're more closely related than that.
>>69069984
Steal Legolas' bow and arrows and go live off the land somewhere.
>>69073242
jump off the highest point in the city while on fire
>>69069984
get a crossbow, and head to the walls
>>69070720
>"...and none now live who remember it"
>except for Elrond who was literally there when Isildur decided to keep the ring
>mfw nobody bothered to work out what happened to the ring after he died
Just check the fucking river he died in ffs
>>69070008
>>69070016
>>69070026
Stall tactics and wait for invincible ghosts
>>69070099
>Cien Años de Soledad
>Translated to english
>Low-Tier
>Atlas Shrugged
>God Tier
Go jump of a fucking cliff nigger
>>69073468
>mfw every scene he was in
You fucking had to remind of that horrific shitstain of a movie.
>>69077695
It's pasta
