ITT we make BvS more "critic-friendly"
>My ancestors were whale hunters, Alfred. Captain Ahab Wayne spent all his life chasing the Great White Whale. Superman is my Great White Whale, Alfred.
>>67773710
>Alfred: my ancestors invented British hip hop, master Wayne
>*gets jiggy with it*
>Batman looks down upon the post-apocalyptic desertscape
>'DARKSEID WAS HERE'
>>67773819
>Batman looks down upon the post-apocalyptic desertscape
>"If only we voted for Bernie"
>I want to write an article about he Bat vigilante...
>No Kent, this paper is about fighting white privilege and patriarchy, no one cares about you taking on the Batman! It's 2016!
>>67773710
>Each character has a 20 minute monologue where they talk directly to the camera and explain their every action and motivation throughout the entire film
>>67773865
>Batman gazes at a pile of dead bodies
>"How did Hillary get elected?"
>I don't know where to find this White Portuguese, but I have a black friend that can help (with our diversity quotient.)
>>67773710
>White Whale
>specifying a color
Seriously? It's 2016 you Neanderthal
>>67773865
>>67773944
>Loudmouthed politician with terrible blonde hair is shown screaming blatant fallacies about refugees
>Superman punches him so hard his wig flies off into space
>Superman looks to an older gentleman covered in birds and gives him a slight nod
montage of Batman trying out a series of wacky and ultimately doomed-to-failure schemes to stop Superman, like Wiley Coyote or Dastardly and Muttley in Catch the pigeon, interspersed with him and Alfred eating takeout pizza, laughing away while they draw up new wacky plans. All set to some upbeat contemporary rock music.
>Is she with you?
>I thought she was with..
>SHE? I never specified my gender, cissist!
>>67774118
Nah, set it to whatever club music is currently popular and easy enough to censor to be kid friendly.
DANCE-OFF DOOMSDAY, YOU AND ME!
>it actually becomes a good movie
tada
Shaun King, Tim Wise, Al Sharpton, DeRay and Obama show up after the big fight
>Dawn of JUSTICE? Black people have never received justice in Amerikkka!
>>67773710
>Gentleman, you're about to*smacks lips*, witness the greatest gladiator match since God fought back the darkness and created the heavens, Earth and all in between *smacks lips*, I present you: RED LETTER MEDIA VS INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE
Clark: MARTHA
Bruce(shocked: MARTHA
Clark: MARTHYA KIDDING ME!?
KINO VS CINO
>>67773710
Doomsday, dance off! You and me!
Superman: C'mon Wayne, dance off! YOU AND ME! GIVE ME THAT BATUSI
>>67774016
>White women get raped in the streets
>Blacks get hung
>Homos get burned to death
>Superman goes around killing everyone who says bad things about Muslims
>Holds UN press conference where he gives a speech about how everyone needs to be more inclusive and multicultural
>>67774016
100% universal acclaim
Not necessarily critic friendly, but this is how I'd improve it
>Remove the nightmare scene
>Splice the scene where Martha is kidnapped AFTER the scene where Batman puts on the signal
>Add at least 2 scenes of GCPD discussing the Batman
>Add 1 more scene of Batmanning
>Cut out all that crap where Lois throws the spear in the water (how did she know she needed to get it anyway?) and just leave the spear in the rubble of the building
>Cut the Bruce meets Clark scene, get Bruce's feelings on Superman across via interactions with Alfred and the intro scene
>Streamline the bombing scene as well as the lead up to it
>Cut the scene where Bruce works out angrily, it's like 2 minutes long, what the fuck
>Splice the scene where Clark talks to his mom in Kansas right after Perry says "It's like he clicks his heels 3 times and is in Kansas!"
>Remove JL cameos, especially Flash
>Cut Lex down to only essential scenes, no filler crap ("It's cherry!")
>Remove the scene where Clark confusingly meets his dad and gets NEW information, replace it with an additional scene with his mom where he discusses priorities
There. Fixed.
>is that doomsday or donald trump!
Superman: Martha. You have to save Martha.
Batman: -looks at superman wide-eyed before turning to face the camera- "All this time I just saw superman as a threat from another world. I was so focused on trying to kill him that it never occurred to me that he has a family, even a mother. His mother also shares my mother's name, and since I know the pain of having my mother killed, I'm even more closely connected to superman because of his mother, Martha, who shares my dead mom's name who died"
Happy critics? I gave the dialogue a bit of the marvel touch up. Now you don't have to think so hard.
>>67774913
Do people REALLY not understand this part or are they just meming
>Dude our parents have the same name, lets team up!
>>67774960
people are really dumb senpai
>Alfred, I need you to take control of the Batwing.
>Master Wayne, don't you think joysticks are a tad old fashioned? I'd prefer you replace them with something a bit more advanced - as you know from our tennis matches I'm far more deadly with a Wii remote.
>>67775081
>Behind the times
>Hamfisted
>Not particularly funny
Jesus it's exactly what the film needed to be more like Marvel
To fix Batman vs Superman, you'd have to go back and fix Man of Steel first.
>>67774960
To be fair, it's pretty retarded.
Batman brutally slaughters people for most of the movie, and presumably has been for the past 20 years with Alfred as well. It's not really something that should dawn on him after all this time, that bad guys are people too.
>>67773710
>change the clickbait movie title from "Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice" to just "Dawn of Justice"
>change the dialog at the part where Lois and the other journalist are in Africa, and the journalist speaks Arabian (?) and outs himself as CIA agent. Change his lines to "I'm CIA. Getting caught was part of my plan."
>remove the scene with Lois in the bath tub and replace it with something different
a romantic scene between Lois and Clark is okay but nobody wants to see that ugly old hag naked
>remove the MARTHA scene
>remove Doomsday
>extend the Batman vs Superman fight by at least 20 minutes, include dialog that reveals that Superman is only fighting him because his mother is held hostage, but Batman doesn't stop because of this until he realizes that he was played by Luthor as well
>give Wonder Woman a different reason to be in this film other than "looking for a photo", maybe have her be old friends with Batman who helps him out when she happens to be in America
>have Wonder Woman save MARTHA and convince Batman to stop fighting superman
>>67773819
>>'DARKSEID WAS HERE'
