Watcha workin on, /tv/? Post your screenplays, critique, ask questions, etc.
I'm writing my owncomic
My largest struggle is looking at it and being able to say to my self that I wrote something good and I don't know how to overcome this.
I don't know how many revisions this has gone through, but it's a fucking metric ton.
I apparently have to shit out a neo-noir script about a guy returning a movie to a Redbox in three days.
So that ought to be fun.
>>67257043
Don't be too hard on yourself, but definitely strive to release something you can be proud of. You can do it anon, I believe in you.
What is your comic about?
>>67257060
>I apparently have to shit out
Are you taking a class? That sounds like fun.
>>67257128
Yeah, it's a class. I like the idea but I hate the people I'm working with. They're meme spouting reddit fucks (no offense to them, they're nice people but creatively bankrupt) and I'm gonna have to pull the majority of the weight on this project.
On the bright side, I get to be REALLY autistic about details, so if I assert my dominance beforehand I might actually make something good.
>>67257208
Yeah, I know what you mean. Last year I had a history project where I had to take a song and change the lyrics to make it about gangsters. No one in the group could sing so I suggested a slower song, but this one girl in my group was like "OMG WE HAVE TO SING TRAP QUEEN!!!"
Fucking hate that kind of shit. Hang in there.
>>67257497
I can understand that shit man.
Also did this, not related to screenplays but it was fun to do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbs1EmJCJWM
Anyone else have extreme bouts of creativity but when they aren't in one of those, and they try to apply themselves by writing something, they go completely blank? It happens to me and it sucks, but at least it's entertaining when I get some genius idea in my head for a short while.
>>67257619
Nice editing man, I like how it synced with the guy opening the door in the first clip.
Working on a comedy
>clumsy but well-meaning guy is hired by rich oldfag to find a porn film from the 1920's where rich oldfags granny appeared
>rich oldfag is being blackmailed that he'll release the film and smear oldfags company with it (company was founded by said granny with money from doing porn)
>also inb4 no porn in the 1920's, it specifically refers to porn films ordered by the Spanish king in that time (true story look it up, Alphons XIII was a randy bastard)
>rich oldfags granddaughter joins clumsy MC in finding film
>she really wants it for herself to blackmail oldfag bc he wants her to take over family business but she wants to become an actress
>two other guys start following them, they want the film for themselves so they can sell it
>MC and oldfags granddaughter go following clues trying to find the film, other baddies following them
>2nd act
>???
>profit! nah just kidding
>eventually the film turns up
>MC wants to give it to oldfag for bigtime cash
>granddaughter tries to take it
>convinces MC that it's a historically valuable film and oldfag just wants to destroy it
>also showdown with baddies who wanted the film
>MC confronts oldfag, he understands and they give the film to museum and let granddaughter be an actress
I'm only working on the outline, so it's not even completely thought out, but that's the basic idea. any opinions?
>>67257906
Could be alright.
>>67258208
It's supposed to be a bit of a parody of The Ninth Gate and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
>>67258486
>The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Yeah I think I can see that.
>>67257906
Sounds like fun.
>>67258486
I have to admit that I haven't seen either of those. What elements does it borrow from them?
>>67257906
Missing a second act. I guess they're just following clue to clue? But in what setting? Are they in some sort of porn town?
What's with the MC and this girl? Why would we want to watch them on this journey? Wanting money for money's sake isn't compelling for our protagonist. Is this some buddy detective noir thing?
The ending already seems tame. He just confronts him and they all decide to work things out? That's like a knee-jerk reflex ending. Your ending has to be the best part of your film. Something we don't expect, but something that makes perfect sense.
>>67257906
rough around the edges but it seems fun keep at it anon!
Working on some dialogue this is what I've got so far
>let me in
>how do I know I can trust you?
>you shouldn't
>I don't
>good
>come in
>>67258615
>Your ending has to be the best part of your film. Something we don't expect, but something that makes perfect sense.
Not him, but shit that's helpful
Thanks man
>>67258724
I know nothing about these characters other than the fact that they apparently speak in tongues.
>>67257641
That's because screenwriting it a job, not a passion. Creative bouts are nice. Dedication is the thing that separates the working writers from the people in this threadincluding me
>>67258724
Keep it up, Marvel will hire you in no time!
>>67257619
This sucks
>>67258887
Okay
What can I do to make it better
>>67258615
>Missing a second act. I guess they're just following clue to clue? But in what setting? Are they in some sort of porn town?
Basically going from clue to clue, the idea is that they'd go around all kinds of scenic locations in my area (cheap to shoot yet effective). But yeah, second act needs to be fleshed out.
>What's with the MC and this girl? Why would we want to watch them on this journey? Wanting money for money's sake isn't compelling for our protagonist. Is this some buddy detective noir thing?
Basically, she's the romantic interest and there's obv sexual tension between them.
>why would we want to watch them
good one, I need to further develop the MC for this.
>The ending already seems tame. He just confronts him and they all decide to work things out? That's like a knee-jerk reflex ending. Your ending has to be the best part of your film. Something we don't expect, but something that makes perfect sense.
Well the idea was that the point is history/culture/truth prevailing and over the oldfag wanting to impose a fake view of history because he's ashamed. But you're right, this should be developed in a less obvious and predictable way.
Thanks for the criticism, you've pointed at some major flaws I hadn't seen so clearly.
>>67258907
I didn't watch the whole thing because of how slow it started. And there's nothing wrong with slow, but there's something wrong with a lack of build-up.
It doesn't help that you haven't actually edited anyrhing, just butted up clips edited by other people together, and put music to it.
The door slam cut is creative, but doesn't work. You're either missing a few frames or they simply don't connect well enough visually. Same with Neo on the floor.
There's nothing going on. It's one thing to watch Daredevil walk for 30 seconds down a hallway when it's 30 seconds of a 50 minute episode of a show I am engaged with. When it's a random Youtube video, I can't care enough to keep going.
>Fistfights.
>with a period
Damn
>>67258986
>>67258615
oh, what I do have is the character arc of the MC is basically that he goes from being an ignorant hack that's only in it for a quick buck to respecting the value of history and culture.
>>67259039
Thanks, I appreciate the feedback.
>>67257641
read more on the theory of screenwriting. Like >>67258823
said it's a job not a passion. There's a technique to it, and if you understand it writing becomes more based on that then on creative bouts. It's good to have lots of ideas, but developing it needs more technique and dedication than just creative inspiration.
Evenin'
>>67256860
I've been writing a Seinfeld spec . I'm almost finished and it's easily my favorite thing to write. The characters are just so easy to write for it's crazy
>>67259143
It's a start. Definitely an arc there, but I'm still not sold. I mean, in the climax of your film, you're telling me the most dramatic point of the film, is your hero realizing that "art is important?" Maybe it'll work when fleshed out, but I don't feel anything from just this. I wouldn't know how to make that kind of change exciting or entertaining because there's no humanity in it.
Maybe that's it. The bigger question here is "WHY is there value in history and culture?" It's something we all "know" since we're kids. In school, we are assaulted with shit like the Mona Lisa or works of Michelangelo to the point where we're numb. But where is the actual value? Why does this stuff matter?
Maybe you do have something here. Keep thinking!
>>67258678
>>67258585
I think it's something about movies where characters go from clue to clue across interesting locations that immediately makes you feel comfy.
>what elements does it borrow
Ninth gate is basically Johnny Depp travelling around Paris and surroundings collecting some books, with a weird fantasy ending. It's great fun.
GWTDT is this guy who gets hired by an old fart to investigate the disappearance of a girl like 40 years earlier, so together with that weird hacker chick he goes following clues until they find out about this one neonazi guy who went around killing lots of girls with jewish names.but the girl in question is allright because she somehow fucked off to australia, don't remember exactly how or why
also
>shitty synopsis: the post
>>67259434
Oh shit hey bill
What's the advice for tonight
>>67259434
I missed ya buddy.
>>67259598
whoa great points you're making. There's def got to be more to the story than "art is important". One part is that the girl wants that film as to pressure her family to let her become an actress.
I think I should work out the bad guy who is blackmailing the oldfag in the first place, that'll have to be part of the resolution.
One idea I've discarded was that it was the girl blackmailing her grandfather all along, but I couldn't work out how that would make sense.
Friendly reminder that this is getting made while your script isn't.
>>67258724
Great, what it's missing though is "I have finally become [Title Of The Movie]." You add one of these to your scripts and you've got a hit.
>>67259958
Are you implying any of the garbage being written in this thread is
1. ever going to hit 120 pages
2. is any good
>>67258823
>>67259249
Interesting, thanks for these comments. Honestly I'd love to learn more about screenwriting and make really good screenplays, just the thing is the content in them isn't going to be profound, my ideas are mostly just clever or funny, like I want to make a fun movie that shouldn't be taken too seriously. I'll definitely work on screenplay stuff more though, do you have any resources?
>>67260010
No I just wanted to make it clear that Hollywood Nepotism reigns above all
You want your script to ever be made you gotta either work like a motherfucker or suck a ton of jew cock
>>67259598
Oh shit. Not the guy you're replying to but your post made me realize that I have no idea why this kind of art is important. In fact, I used to think as a kid that art only meant drawing and for the longest time I "hated art."
I'm currently writing a short film in my spare time. It's a horror comedy about a group who befriend a vampire they were originally hunting.
>>67260010
>ever going to hit 120 pages
Well I mean this could happen.
>>67260066
"Story" by Robert McKee is the bible on screenwriting.
"Save the Cat" by Blake Snyder is very focused on selling your screenplay, keeping that in mind it has lots of useful stuff.
"Screenplay" by Syd Field is also basic literature.
From there on google is your friend. Just type "books on screenwriting" and you'll find lots of info. Most of the bookscan be found as torrents
>>67260241
You've already done one thing right, you have a basic plotline which has an irony to it and sounds interesting. Also it's something I haven't seen before. Do you have a plot outline yet?
>>67260312
Thanks anon. I actually read an article that said that many prominent screenwriters today have read Save the Cat.
We can all be Max Landis bros
$3m for a script to fucking netflix of all places
>>67259598
ok I think I've got something, bear with me
>girl reveals to the MC that she wants that film to pressure family into letting her become an actress
>doesn't want to take over family business
>MC realizes art is important because of how much it means to her and obv by this time he's in love with her
also
>MC sees the film
>oldfags gran has the most glorious tits he's ever seen
>he can't deny the world those tits
not even kidding, it's supposed to be a comedy after all
>>67260223
I don't either! But that's why it's a good question to explore/think about/make a film about and something that can set you apart.
>>67260644
Can you expand on this? Netflix paid him 3 mil for a movie script?
>>67260302
Doubtful.
Everyone here writes 10 pages and gives up.
It's a pit.
>>67260374
Thanks I haven't got one but I'll work on it now
>>67261016
Yeah, some urban fantasy bullshit with Will Smith
>>67261235
In my defense, I won't start writing the screenplay if I don't have the full plot outline, so if anything I won't write nothing at all.
also
>tfw my short film script was 14 pages
BTFO
>>67261326
Fair point on not writing anything. That's my main problem.
Has your short film been produced? I'd like to see it. Prove my cynicism about this thread wrong.
I've never written anything before but I'm pretty sure I could shit on a page and sell it to whoever buys these things with ease. Why? Because you worked much harder than me and life isn't fair.
>>67261326
Hey, trying to learn more about screenwriting here, roughly how long would your screenplay of 14 pages translate lengthwise in the short film?
>>67261404
generally it's as simple as calculating one minute per page of screenplay. Short film ended up being about 13 minutes.
>>67261402
Kek, tell that to the countless people who have submitted their screenplays and failed. You could shit on a page and get the movie made if you have connections, though. Just check out >>67259958
>>67261016
Basically there was a bidding between studios for his script, which had a director (David Ayer) and the two leads (Woll Smoth and Joel Edgerton) already attached. It's supposedly a buddy cop movie set in the universe where orcs and fairies coexist with humans. So basically, Men in Black but not Men in Black?
Anyway, Netflix won the bidding war and committed to a $90 million budget and gave Max $3m for his script. It's a little bit fucking crazy.
>>67261448
Thanks man. How much of your scrupt would you say was scene directions and how much of itis dialogue driven? Do you have the short film anywhere we could watch?
>>67261500
Damn, imagine big studios getting into a bidding war on your material and you making a deal for 3 mil. I'd be so fucking happy.
>>67261458
how many of these things get made without connections? seems like that's all there is to it.
>>67261377
I produced it myself, used up some savings I had and parents gave me some cash as well, totalled about 6000 euromoniez. I've just finished editing a couple of days ago, I won't be able to upload it until about a year from now since otherwise many festivals won't accept it.
I'll edit a trailer for it shortly and post it to a screenplay thread. keep your eyes peeled the next few days. sorry I can't offer you much more. Here's some screencaps.
>>67257208
I'm still working a Neo-Noir adaptation of the room, let me know how your thing goes
>>67261572
see
>>67261976
it's mostly dialogue driven, there was rather little stage directions.
oh and btw the color in those caps is a bit off, they're taken from a "beta" version that I was still color grading. It's the only thing I had at hand on my laptop, and since it's 3.30am I can't be arsed to go start my desktop pc and get caps from the finished thing, sorry.
>>67261976
Hey, proved me wrong. Thank you for that, I was beginning to lose all hope that anything good would come from this place.
I'm looking forward to the trailer, and I'll be sure to comment on it then.
By the way, can you not upload it to Vimeo behind a password? My boss just floated a documentary around a couple film fests and he's had it lying on his Vimeo for a while.
>>67261712
Well people without connections who weren't born into it had to start somewhere, and with the internet it's easier to get your film an audience and maybe kickstart a career if you're lucky/good enough. That being said, you can argue that with everyone getting this opportunity you get oversaturation, and it's actually getting tougher and tougher, like how every kid thinks they can become the next big youtuber when really most of the "elite" ones started their channels between 2006 - 2008.
It could still happen though. Someone mentioned that a good way to make connections is to submkt your film to a film festival and go there to meet other people, but you won't automatically skyrocket to A-list gigs from there.
>>67261976
How did you work out the casting? Have these actors been in other projects? I'm looking to act and I feel that finding short films being produced would be a good start.
Just finished a second draft of a short I want to produce. It went up a bit in terms of budget/difficulty in shooting, but I think it's a better work. Would love constructive criticism on this, because it really helped me write a better draftafter I got it on /r/screenwriting
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4tgXDYAs6g4YmRBc1pXaEd6Qjg/view?usp=sharing
>>67262099
Not him, but I remember reading this a while ago. Thought it was really funny.
>>67262108
That looks really interesting, I'll probably be lurking these threads for a while so I'm looking forward to this trailer. Good luck, anon, hope this gets you more recognition and such.
>watch episodes from glory days of the Simpsons
>study what makes them great
>watch modern episodes to see what sets them apart, analyze the differences and what could be fixed
>write a spec based on this knowledge
>submit it to the producers
>get it made into an episode
>make money
Of course every screenwriter ever has probably tried this.
>>67262138
>By the way, can you not upload it to Vimeo behind a password?
yeah, but I wouldn't post it here. Call me paranoid but I wouldn't want it reproduced somewhere and get screwed at festivals just bc I wanted to show some anons. Believe me I'd really like to post it since I'm quite proud of it, but it's just too risky.
>>67262239
There's this database of local actors. Some of them work in theatre and tv, others are retired and mainly do short films and stuff like that. The two young'uns do mostly short films since they're just starting out (she's really great, he's a bit more meh, although overall I was really lucky with my casting). I just contacted them and showed them the script, they liked it and since it was just 2 days filming (3 for the young couple) they agreed.
Around here there's also this casting website where you can post and reply to ads for acting jobs, both paid and not paid (shorts mostly). I'd say look up if there's a site like that where you're at, register and offer yourself for short films. From there you build a portfolio and make yourself known and then try to get into whatever pays money.
>>67256860
I'm working on a story line about humans leaving earth for Mars. It's similar to Interstellar but focuses more on realistic logistic requirements instead of "spoopy wormhole". It's set a couple of decades in the future, and the main conflict is trying to encourage a society to continue to work towards this end goal even though there's a limit on how many people can be saved.
I'm starting off, should I make my first (and most likely shitty) screenplay a spec of a TV show, a short film, or just buckle down and make a feature-length screenplay?
>>67257092
You should try letting other people read it. Another point of view is always a good thing.
>>67262417
>call me paranoid
Jeez, I hope you're not right, or else I feel pretty shit about showing my script right about now.
>>67262099
Oooh, got anything I can read?
>>67262445
Is there a danger that requires these characters to act relatively quickly, or is it one of those "we may or may not at one point in the future lose the earth so let's just say fuck it and start colonizing Mars now" kind of plots? The first one is more interesting IMO, but this does seem like it could develop into a nice story.
>>67262459
I don't think an incipient screenplay will draw much attention, it's not plagiarism that freaks me out. A video can easily be taped off vimeo and uploaded to youtube and then it's bye bye festivals.
>>67262612
Fair.
Again, anon, I'm sorry I was so cycnical--glad to see someone working.
Here a short sci fi script I wrote a couple of years ago for university but have given it a rewrite recently
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwVwPDmZXiPVaWRKdGZRRUlVV0E/view
Anyone here been to a film festival? What is it like? Are there any decent ones in the Miami area?
>>67262666
eh, you're not entirely wrong with your cynicism. It took me a year to go from having a first draft to getting production underway. And I didn't even need to get financing since I was able to produce it myself, which makes things WAY easier.
And now I'm sitting on my ass trying to have the greatest idea ever and haven't written one single page, while I'd like to have a feature screenplay done ASAP so that if the short works out I can try and get it produced right away. and yet all I've got so far is >>67257906
>>67262786
I feel you man. I work for a professional and even he can't get his shit made. He's been sitting on feature scripts for two-three years.
I've been mulling feature ideas around forever, but never seem to be able to put pen to paper. Besides the few shorts I write, but never produce.
>>67262666
Not him, but it's normal to be cynical here where it seems like everyone spends their lives posting Bane memes and fucking around and being contrarian about everything because they have nothing better to do. It's threads like these that seem to avoid stuff like that because the people drawn to these threads are more likely to be passionate or at least more prone to an actual discussion.
Disclaimer: I have nothing against baneposting.
>>67262859
>tfw only 18 people on /tv/ are this passionate about the trade
at least it means less competition, r-right?
>>67262780
Also, do film festivals generally let anyone show films or do they have to be judged in order to be considered for screening?
>>67262969
Depends on the festival. Around here we have the Sitges Fantastic Film Festival (or whatever they call it now) which is well known for having no filter at all, so practically anything gets shown, if not as part of the official competition there's lots of other categories. Makes it kind of a fun experience, you can find hidden gems (I loved Computer Chess two years ago) and steaming piles of shit.
>I met my gf at that film festival :3
>>67262913
Man, tons of people outside of /tv/ as well, but don't let that get you down. Tons of worthwhile jobs have heavy competition, plus this is something that you can do as a hobby and it won't be as interfering woth whatever it is you do for a living unless you also produce the film, in which case it could be a bit more draining.
Remember, every movie and tv show you see has a screenplay, so that means there are more opportunities, but it's hard to make it to the top. Doesn't mean you should stop dreaming though, because giving up gets you nowhere.
>>67262859
Agreed on that, though I love baneposting as well as being serious about my craft
>tfw you weave baneposting into your feature dialog
>>67263061
Sounds like a fun experience, like browsing YouTube except with tons of interesting people, meeting said people, and having a great time together looking at works of art and pieces of shit. I don't know what it is about this that sounds so magical, but it does.
OP here, it's been a great thread so far guys. I have to sleep though but if this thread is still up in the morning then I'll post something and see if we can still keep it going. Love you all, this is way better than all the fighting about capeshit and all that nonsense.
>>67263230
/swg/ tends to be pretty based when you can get it running.
>>67263061
I might have to go to that sometime.
Around here in Indy we have the Heartland Film Festival, which I've yet to go to. They had some interesting stuff go down, there was a movie called Red Dog that was pretty famous came out of here a while ago.
Guys who made it ended up doing a shitty Tarantino ripoff with Simon Pegg.
>>67263142
It's not that magical. There's mostly stuck up critics who think they're the shit because they write for some third-rate magazine or even blog, professionals who've made coffee at a couple of film shoots and feel superior to everyone else, and 4chan-tier n33ts going to watch some retarded b-horror joint. Far from magical being there makes you feel like you're an unimportant shit that the festival couldn't care less about, or even a nuisance to all the "important people". And this is a very "popular" festivals, I can't fathom how repulsive a really stuck up festival like sundance may be.
Also tickets are ridiculously expensive, between 7 and 10 euros, that's as much or more than a regular theatre tickets. I usually go to just two or three showings, generally the latest Takashi Miike and Sion Sono flicks since they're always there (and won't get wide releases), I find them enjoyable, and my best friend is a huge weeaboo.
When I was going to films I mean film school we got passes which allowed us to go to any showing up until 4pm, so those times I really went to a lot of showings. But if you have to actually buy tickets it makes you feel totally ripped off when everyone else has some press pass even if they just have some shit blog.
>tfw every year I want to start a blog about cinema just to get a press pass
>tfw I never do
>>67263348
>Takashi Miike and Sion Sono
Shit, man. That sounds like a pretty interesting time.
>>67263340
This?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2393845/
>>67259825
My man, you know a perfect ending gag would be to have the girl pressure her grandfather into supporting her acting career, only for her to actually be an aspiring porn starlet
>>67263418
>http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2393845/
Yep, that's the one.
I tried to watch it, it had potential but it moved too slow for my taste. I dunno.
>>67263348
>tfw this year they were treated to Classic Dano and Farting Daniel Radcliffe With A Constant Boner
Fuckers got what they deserved.
>>67263420
top kek. I actually considered something like that, since in the end it's also somewhat of an apology about porn. My current idea was that she wanted to be an actress in a film where she had to get naked and that's why her family is so opposed to it. But the porn idea would be a killer ending gag. thanks famiglia, I'll plagiarize that :^)
>>67263468
>Farting Daniel Radcliffe With A Constant Boner
all of my keks, could you elaborate on this?
>extra kek bc I'm gassy as fuck tonight
>>67263554
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4034354/
People walked out of it, but it somehow has a 73% on RT
>>67263468
Speaking of, does anyone have a link to that film? I heard it made tons of people walk out of the theater in disgust, reminds me of that scene in the South Park movie where all the adults walk out of the Terrence and Phillip movie.
>>67263678
>a movie where Harry Potter’s penis becomes a divining rod.
If you find one let us know
>>67263606
>daniel radcliffe plays a dead body
wat
>people walked out
>jury prize for best directing
>73% on RT
JUST
this is why I hate critics. Maybe it's because of my aspirations, but I care more about IMDB ratings than RT score.
>>67263491
You can have it be like her family is so glad and proud that she has her first role, and when they search it online, they all have horrified looks on their faces and you hear moaning in the background or something.
>>67263696
>divining rod
>not a wand
Damn, they missed an opportunity here
>>67263745
I was thinking more of the grandfather proudly on the set watching her get to "work". Seems even more over the top.
>as in everyone but the MC knew she wanted to do porn all along
>in the end they're ok with it
>>67263726
>I care more about IMDB ratings than RT score
I honestly don't think either of them matter much.
>>67263606
>1h 35min
When I first heard about this, I thought it was a short film, no idea they made this into a whole movie. Now I really want to see it.
>>67262284
pg 6 typo, call Stacey Sally by mistake at top
the first bit of conversation before he goes in the bathroom is a bit awkward sounding (and not in the intentional way).
also it seems the ending when they're about to bang comes out of nowhere, he doesn't really have to work for it
almost seems like you are missing a second act, you know?
other than that, good premise and it has some strong points. just consider maybe reworking the plot a bit in the middle but what do i know
>>67263837
True, but IMDB ratings come from individual ratings by random people, so it's more of an indication of something being popular than some bullshit rating by critics who are completely detached from reality.
>>67263882
Made by the guy who made the "Turn Down For What" video, which is in and of itself pretty insane.
>>67263832
Kek, that's an even better idea. Good luck, anon, I'd pay to see this movie.
>>67262450
I would suggest definitely start with shorts, even just for practice
But before that, just try writing a simple story. Practice telling stories. It could be prose, an outline, what ever, just something that helps you see what it's like to tell a story.
But again, when you move to scripts, I would say probably begin with shorts unless you just so happen to have like a really good feature idea
There's nothing wrong with not doing shorts, but practice makes perfect you know?
>tfw came across my old writings today
>tfw I had promise but I was also an edgy little cunt
Fucking sucks desu. At least I've become more self-aware
>>67263906
Thanks for the notes.
What's awkward about it (not intentionally, of course)?
The stinger is just an after credits gag that I'll probably nix.
>>67262681
I liked this anon. Reminds me of a Ray Bradbury short story, Soft Rains Will Come. Also made into a crazy Russian animated short in the 80s.
That said, I'm guessing English is not your first language, right? Not that it's a bad thing if that's the case but there are plenty of typos and kind of stilted wordings
>>67264133
Just read it. I agree, gave off the vibe of There Will Come Soft Rains but with almost an Alien feel to it.
That could be fun to produce.
>>67262284
Liked what you did at the end, funny little twist.
Well-written, could easily be done on a budget of fuck-all with a couple camera tricks and editing.
>>67264123
dude when i look through my old shit i am just constantly cringing like wtf was i thinking
i mean, i guess i was probably better than most 15 year old would be screenwriters but still
fuck me i liked tarantino and sergio leone in high school
>>67264131
just like, idk, her just stating school has been tough! with no prompting in that manner is kind of weird for me, and that's also a strange time to call her pretty (though that may be intentional) and hte punctuation on "aw, eric. that's sweet." is strange
but i'm also a turbo autist who can't talk to girls to save his life (and also doesn't want to) so don't take that to much to heart. it really helps to have readings, like have actors (or just friends) read your shit out loud, helps find awkward sounding stuff. at least for me
>>67264410
>fuck me i liked tarantino and sergio leone in high school
Like I found that I didn't even watch a lot of Tarantino but for some reason every single one of my scripts back then involved criminals trading snarky "naturalistic" banter.
I'll be honest I don't think my dialogue's gotten any better, but hey what can ya do.
Here's something I started working on but didn't know where to go with it from there. I haven't touched it since like a week ago.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6uwaxNQt5HRX2JIZmFHeklDUU0/view?usp=sharing
Just for fun (and to familiarize myself with screenplay styling) I started working on a Spider-Man television screenplay using Final Draft, and have finished a seasons worth of episodes and recently started on the second season. It's extremely fun to write, using comics as reference and forcing myself to write outside of my comfort zone.
>Peter is still in school, Gwen is alive, Uncle Ben is alive throughout most of the first season
>first episode Peter has already been bitten and opening scene is him taking his first leap off a rooftop and webslinging
>misses a study date with Gwen, she's upset but gives him a second chance
>that night he is visited in his dreams by Doctor Strange, sees an adult version of himself from the future in costume, all tattered and beat up, apparently needing to be reminded of who he used to be, what used to matter to him
>this inspires the design of his suit in a paradox loop
>first season ends with Ben dead, Gwen alive, and Peter donning the suit and assuming responsibility for the first time
Total noob here, what exaclty do producers do that isn't handled by the director, actors, costume designers, etc.? Do they basically just fund the project?
>>67264552
That sounds cool, how many episodes are in your season? Maybe you can cash in on the Spider-Man hype for Civil War and send these in in the hopes they get produced? Heck, you could end up with a shit-ton of money, doesn't seem like there's much to lose in that scenario.
>>67264525
Oh hey, we've talked about this before. I'm the guy who posted a similar idea that I wrote a couple years ago but haven't touched, if you remember.
I'm assuming you haven't changed anything since last time I read it, but let me know if you have and I'll take another look.
>>67264552
Not into capeshit at all but having a season-spanning origin story is pretty interesting man. Spider-Man is definitely the coolest hero and taking a better look at his background is better than skipping an origin altogether. >>67264685
Might want to think about what that guy said, too. You never know.
>>67264685
It's paced like an HBO mini series. 6 "core" episodes that could be an hour and a half, and read a bit like a novel but on screen would be much more condensed, with two other "optional" episodes that aren't exactly filler but don't move the main plot forward too much. I'm friends with artists and have published work online before, soon I'm going to post them for feedback (after they've been revised) and see what the reception is like. Right now it's just a very fun project that's very close to my heart, I don't want to muddy that up.
>>67264557
A producer basically has full control, and hires the people he believes will do the best job. While the director is typically in charge artistically, at the end of the day he still has to answer to the producer if there is a disagreement. Same with the writer. And once a script is bought, they can hire anybody they want to do anything they want to it.
>>67264768
Oh shit, yeah I remember you. Yeah nothing's changed at all.
Thinking I might have to start on this neo-noir shit script. Need to read some more in this vein (parody noir)
Long time since I've seen a screenplay thread, cool to see they're still being made.
Anyways, I'm 60 pages into a full-length screenplay. I want to finish the first draft by the end of May, but I also don't want to rush myself. I'll see how it goes, but I'm pretty happy with it so far, considering it's my 4th or 5th full length.
I also conceived and wrote a short film in 2 hours while sleep-deprived and on drugs. After a couple rounds of editing, I think I'm ready to shoot once I head back to NYC. Only problem is, the people I've sent the script to critique aren't getting back to me.
Anyone on /tv/ care to give it a go? Remember, 2 hours, on drugs, so please be as honest as you can:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwnLo4eiFUKDdnMyMXd5UG43TGs/view?usp=sharing
>>67264525
I'll give this a read, give me a couple of minutes to respond.
Who wants to help me write my animated sci-fi detective sitcom. It's so hard to write this shit by myself.
>>67264862
Man, I wish I could be a screenwriter in the 40s and write actual noir films. They just seem like the most fun to write. And you can't do it now without being le wrong generation type shit or with a very good reason. I think a lot of 80s movies successfully transplanted noir ideas into the vernacular of the times (look at some of the dialogue in Die Hard) but how the hell do you do that in 2016? What does a tough guy sound like today? Where do criminals hang out? What sort of intrigue is left in the world? I want so desperately to be able to write a compelling mystery with crackling dialogue and a mean streak of violence and cynicism, but it simply does not fit into the contemporary world.
>>67264814
In Europe, especially where there's not a strong film industry, there's often what they call "director's dictatorship", when the producer is a spineless cunt who thinks they just have to cater to whatever the director wants, and you can't talk back to them because
>hurr you're just the producer I need to make ART
This ends up completely fucking up people's roles on the film set. A typical consequence is that other departments will responde to the director and not the producer, and often the DP becomes a demigod who delays the shooting. It really makes you understand why it's important that there be a producer to keep everyone including the director in line.
>>67264814
So is that why some movies have director's cuts with more stuff in them, because producers cut out certain scenes and such to condense it for the theater?
>>67265079
Precisely. In an industrial environment like Hollywood the director may not even be involved in the editing.
where does a guy with an idea get some script writing program?
>>67265167
Celtx is free, Writer Duet is freemium, Final Draft iseasy to torrent
>>67265023
>What sort of intrigue is left in the world?
I feel that shit so hard.
>>67265186
Why are there no torrents for Fade In Pro
>>67265261
Dunno. That's what I use though.
Got it for Christmas.
>>67259434
no fucking way
I've capped almost all your posts, you're honestly what helped me get going. Can't thank you enough
Say one day I write a decent script, and someone actually wants to buy it. What's a decent price for a short film, movie, or TV pilot? I don't want to be robbed.
>>67264525
This is me:
>>67264936
I like the concept, like a more on the nose Scream or Cabin, but if you are going to go that route, I'd recommend doing something other than a cabin and a gas station attendant, maybe tackle a different horror cliche location.
Off the top of my head, I'm thinking a possibility could be a high school, i.e.: The Faculty or Prom Night, and for the attendant, a janitor, and the trip being prom or some other "important" event at the school. That is, unless you are going for so on the nose that you want the exact Cabin in the Woods set-up, in which case, that's a bold move, but I like it.
>>67265023
Just set your movie in the 1930's-40's.
>>67264936
I like your writing a lot but I can't tell if the story is a little underdeveloped or if it's just 2deep4me. I really do like it though, and I feel kind of like it works as is but I just can't quite wrap my head around the ending. It feels kind of abrupt and I think I'd need to actually see it on film or have you explain it to me before I can have a complete opinion on it.
BTW, most of your dialogue is really pretty great for slamming it out while on drugs.
>>67265327
Does this guy help people a lot in screenwriting threads or is this a meme I'm not getting?
>>67265327
yfw it's actually bill o'reilly and he just really loves supporting aspiring screenwriters
>>67259486
Any ideas on how you would sell it when the rights are owned by someone else?
>>67265351
Yeah, I was thinking it could use a little switching up. I had been reading How To Survive A Horror Movie, and I'd wanted to sort of take heavily from that.
I got my one-page feedback from the Screencraft competition today.
Highlights:
>The script opens with a very promising opening sequence.
>The concept is very intriguing and engaging. The world that is created is interesting and has been explored in movies before. So the promise of the concept is there to be sure.
>Your big text conjures brilliant visuals
Lowlights:
>However, things slow down quite a bit from a character and story perspective. The character falls in love rather quickly. While the dialogue and winks in regards to the history is obviously well-researched with some fun perspective, there's no conflict here. Everything is too easy, and there are missed opportunities.
>Whatever the conflict and stakes could be, they need to be there. As is, the character just floats through the story, which ends up being more about the love story and less about your concept. And even the love story angle is showcased with little to no energy and conflict. They're falling in love right away from the get go.
Mixed comments:
>In short, everything just seems so routine. The excellent concept keeps things afloat now and then, but the lack of any conflict or stakes makes an otherwise strong concept delivered in a weak fashion.
>The script just needs more conflict and stakes to accommodate such an excellent premise. It needs more character arc and conflict.
>Overall an excellent concept, but needs much, much more conflict stakes and story.
Honestly I kinda feel a bit jipped having paid an extra $80 for a page of feedback and it's just the same keywords thrown at me over and over in new sentences. It is helpful, though, and it makes me feel good about my presentation and ideas - I just need to work on my development, apparently.
>>67265370
I'd need to find a reason to do so. I can't just set it there because the time period is interesting. If I come up with the right story then I will but right now I'm more interesting in trying to figure out the modern noir.
>>67265398
He gives harsh advice but usually it's extremely helpful.
>>67265398
no man, last year, this guy (if it's him) posted in the /swg/ threads with the bill pic giving ridiculously good advice. I capped almost every post he made and reference them. We don't know much about him except he's in the industry and he's made the blacklist- he's gone silent and he hasn't posted in ages. thus I'm a tad skeptical.
to bill: you're a saint. and when I make it, I'll thank you.
>>67265481
Not planning on selling, just writing for fun. If you were being sarcastic then ignore me
Can Bill critique this >>67262284
>>67265526
Making a film noir seems reason enough to set a film in that time period, since it's the time period from which it originated. But it's cool if you want to figure out how to make a modern film noir set in the present day.
I don't know if it's any help, but I always found House of Bamboo a fascinating film noir. It's from 1956, shot in color and cinemascope on location in Japan.
>>67265555
Damn, you've got to wonder what he was blacklisted for or if he's a name we've heard of.
Do you have any of the caps? I wouldn't mind if you dumped them all, honestly, because they would help keep the thread alive and they would be relevant and helpful.
>>67265666
>>67265555
>>67265444
>>67262666
>>67264936
>2 hours, on drugs
Certainly doesn't read like it. A neat little story, good character development.
>>67265186
Has anyone torrented any recent Final Draft updates and got them working. I get set into read-only every time I launch. Only ever had Final Draft 8 working. 9 seems to just not work.
>>67265389
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it!
>a little underdeveloped or if it's just 2deep4me
It's more likely underdeveloped. I always lean on the long side, so my goal was to aim for under 15 pages. I also want to shoot this over a weekend to save money on rentals, so I mentally cut back on having too many scenes in too many locations.
>It feels kind of abrupt and I think I'd need to actually see it on film or have you explain it to me before I can have a complete opinion on it.To say it plainly, I was going for the idea that when Alex says "It's fine", he's actually hurt and disappointed, hiding his feelings over the phone by just verbally brushing whatever is bothering him off. That's why he repeats it so often. The audience, and Chris, can't see his face, so all we know about his emotional well-being is his voice, not body language nor facial expressions. It's the pain of emotional distance separating the two that led to the problems in the story in the first place.
It's not well conveyed in the script, but I want my actor who's playing Chris to put a good amount of emotion and depth into his VOs. That's more directing at the time than writing in advance, in my opinion at least.
>BTW, most of your dialogue is really pretty great for slamming it out while on drugs.
Ha, thanks. I actually didn't touch the Victoria/Chris scene, that's the same as it was at 4 AM, minus my overuse of BEAT, which I have since taken out.
I always lurk in these screenplay threads, and I have never once seen a remotely good idea or well-written scene. You should honestly all give up.
>>67265796
I think you're right. I give up.
>>67265796
I always actively post in these threads, and I've never seen a post like yours that has actually made someone give up.
>>67265833
>>67265837
Well fuck me sideways.
>>67265693
House of Bamboo is great, I think I will rewatch it actually, thanks for bringing it up anon.
You know, my roommate is in a music in film class. And his teacher is a total pleb, showing like John Williams scores and fucking Atonement and shit like that. The guy doesn't love movies. He's a choir teacher they threw into this class because it's a shitty uni. but the other day my roommate told me the guy showed clips from Double Indemnity. And the whole fucking class... just laughed. They laughed their asses off. They laughed at the dialogue, they laughed at when Barbara shoots Fred, they laughed at the whole goddamn thing.
I know that doesn't have much to do with this conversation, but something about it has created in me the desire to find the modern analogue to film noir. To recreate the moods but not the films themselves. To show today's audiences what people so long ago loved so much. And I can't stand the thought that one of my favorite movies of all time is laughed off the screen in a university film class.
>>67265796
Welp, I give up. Thanks for the moment of clarity, anon.
>>67265796
Go back to arguing about cinematography in the latest capeshit. Or at least go back to lurking.
>>67262284
I like it. Not perfect, but it's interesting to say the least. Unfortunately, I can't give any concrete criticism b/c I'm not good enough myself to pinpoint what's wrong.
>>67257906
I think you need a better ending. Things working out so nicely is weak to me.
You need something like the ending being the conflict with the daughter being resolved by making her make a porno to be held as blackmail ransom, and then letting her go be a real actress. The old man destroying the old film and thereby saving his company's reputation.
Then the MC finding a treasure trove of ancient porn to blackmail people with.
But hey, fun.
>>67265555
could i have the caps plz
>>67265490
>How To Survive A Horror Movie
Looks like an interesting read, cool idea to draw inspiration from it.
>>67265774
Thanks! I've had a good amount of practice Writing Under the Influence, mixed evenly with sober editing, which turns out pretty good results some of the time.
>>67265755
I've been curious to as to what he made the list for and if it's been produced. He stopped posting and /swg/ hasn't been the same since
I might share one or two of bills thoughts but I'll have to see what were his true golden moments-i'm not sure if the current state of swg is ready for Bill to return.
>>67265789
Ah okay, I see. In that case, I quite like the ending and I think that if this is cast well it will be a really good little movie. I would say maybe work on the dialogue with Chris and Victoria but that's really the only bit that seems a little awkward for me. I think you've really got something here my man, good luck with it
>>67265796
Weird...right before I read this post I was on the verge of giving up. But something about what you wrote makes me keep on going.
>>67265882
Holy fuck. I been meaning to watch that, but geez son.
Yours is a noble quest. I've never been able to identify why I like noir/neo noir so much but I've always thought it was a genre that was really rich in ideas and interesting characters.
>>67265982
I can't agree with bill enough on this
fix your shit-I'm so tired of reading all this pretentious bullshit- who are you trying to fool? only yourself because your ego's fucking massive already
Many threads ago, I told people to stop posting shit and saying, "I know it sucks, but blah blah blah" because it was wasting my time, and people told me I was being a pretentious dick
>>67265555
>>67265982
he posted this a couple days ago
didnt know he had other posts, i just thought it was a good motivational post
would love to see more if they're like this though
>>67265882
>I know that doesn't have much to do with this conversation
it has everything to do. Goes to show how the modern perception of a classic noir is like.
>tfw I also had an utterly shit teacher in film music class
I love film school anecdotes. post'em if you have'em.
>>67266033
furthermore this has been one I've taken to heart
outline you lazy sacks of shit
Put the fucking time in. If you're serious. But then again- I doubt most of you are
After a NEET's mom dies, he must participate in a DOTA world championship in order to cover the bills. Unfortunatly he is well past his competitive prime and must realize there is more to life then video games and manga and that he must get out of his NEET stage and face reality.
I've had this urge to start writing an action based script, but the thing is I've never been great at writing action.
To be honest I've never been great at writing period. This is my last attempt at an action short, which some of you may be familiar with:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6uwaxNQt5HRaGVheWhXYUpTYk0/view?usp=sharing
I'm gonna have to go back to the drawing board on this one.
>>67265517
is the screencraft competition good or something?
>>67266154
time for the winner
the 'farewell' to /swg/
Bills' swan song
there's some more but it's a start- become disciples of bill and you'll start succeeding
>>67266016
I think the thing that is alluring about noir is what is also alluring about the characters. They're dangerous. They're liars. You don't know if you can trust them and you don't know what they want. But you have to find out. It's flirting with death. It's crawling through the gutter. It's looking right underneath the beautiful face of a femme fatale/a gorgeous city/a glamorous Hollywood movie company and seeing the real truth. That for all its glitz and charm, deep down everyone and everything we see is already rotten. We can't get any worse. And film noir acknowledges that. It shows us the dark, deceptive side. It's a hokey b/w movie that most normies wouldn't like on the surface, but if you watch it and actually give a shit what you get out of it is pure, raw seedy art. You have to go slumming to find the truth, and film noir tells the fucking truth.
>>67266165
This would have to be a comedy and the video game would have to be some generic MMO so that normies can understand it.
>>67266154
post moar bill
those posts are motivational as hell!
>>67266150
I study theatre (playwriting) myself, but I can assure you everyone at my entire school is a fucking pleb and a half
>>67266300
kek come on man
you gonna seriously tell me film noir isn't the best genre?
>>67266266
I feel like you really get noir, and with that kind of attitude about it you'd be able to figure out a way to apply it to modern sensibilities. You watch many of the Coen's movies? They seem to get neo noir right.
>>67266033
>>67266096
I'm this guy
>>67264936
who is 100% guilty of what you're saying, and I completely agree with you two. Self-depreciation is boring and over-played, especially when it comes to looking for advice, when it's a sure sign you're actually looking for baseless compliments.
It's a bad habit of mine that I'm trying to break, however in my defense, I think the script I have is pretty good after a few rounds of editing, and I'm willing to defend it as much as I can. The "drugs/sleep deprivation" was mostly a joke, not meant as an "I suck" statement.
>>67266348
I was just memeing, that was actually a well-written post my friend.
>>67262284
>>67262681
I enjoyed reading these. I'm really shit at writing shorts so the fact that you guys can write these nice sci-fi shorts so well is enviable. I have to agree with the other anon on IV, it definitely reminds me of that Bradbury story, but this still has a good twist and nice execution.
>>67266246
I dunno, I'm in Australia so I'm sort of just going off what Google says.
Does anyone else know if Screencraft is decent? What competitions are the best ones to enter?
well guys it's been a blast, but it's 5:50am and I'm going to get some sleep so I don't write screenplays while sleeping deprived and on drugs. I owe it to bill. Thanks for all the advice, looking forward to the next /swg/. cheers.
>>67266360
Thanks man. You know, I actually haven't seen many Coen bros movies. Just Blood Simple, Fargo, Raising Arizona, Lebowski, and Oh Brother.
I know what you mean, though, just from those. They really nail a lot of what I'm talking about, I think. I know I should check out most of their other stuff but I tend not to watch very many newer films, I've been working on going through my back catalogue of horror movies decade by decade for the past year and I'm only on the 60s right now
>>67266371
Thanks. Your response was top tier funny my lad
>>67266265
here's another tip for ya'll. I'm heading to bed but I might post some more if I can't sleep or if it's still up.
>>67266512
stop jerking eachother off. Sandwich method it if you have to. I mean nice-honesty-nice
frankly I'm all honesty. Don't post it if you're looking for self-pleasure. you're not a coen, you're not an anything yet.
>>67266154
I need to take this advice.
>>67266270
I'm considering making it a comedy about a group of losers who reunite at this NEETS moms funeral and decide to help him by rejoining their competitive gaming team. They played DOTA and rocked that shit, but now they need to play whatever game is willing to finance this shit tier film. Anyways, shenanigans ensue, characters grow, some forced love story involving grouse out sex scenes... all that stuff. 100+ million at the box office.
Good /swg/ thread. See you guys in the next one
>>67266207
With action, it's good to use caps to emphasize key movements. For instance:
>As the thug lowers his gun to Simon's head, Simon grabs his wrist and snaps it to one side.
to
>As the thug lowers his gun to Simon's head, Simon GRABS his wrist and SNAPS it to one side.
As for everything else:
It's not terrible for a short. There are still too many cliches in the dialogue and actions, but I suppose that's intentional (and somewhat unavoidable in a short).
The main action sequence...not interesting. In the post-Matrix world, it's almost indescribable how generic the sequence is. Find a better way to show exactly how the drugs are affecting the character.
Cucky's Adventure
Meet Phillip, a beta manlet who discovers his wife's boyfriend and decides to play vidya with him instead of winning her heart back.
the boyfriend dies from being a chad. The girl gets pregnant and Phillip raises his dead bull's child. Hilarious times ensue as Phillip is rejected and ethnic babysitters arrive.
