ITT: Worst theater experiences
>be me
>Decide to see the new James Bond film and head to the AMC because they have new seats
>Step confidently to the counter and flash my singles' license
>(I had my theater background check done last year)
>The cash register squirts warm butter in my mouth and waves me through
>After stripping off my clothes and taking a shower, I step inside the theater and look up
>All the old seats are on the ceiling
>I look down
>Row upon row of naked black men are squatted down and grinning with their white teeth
>These are the new theater seats
>I sit in the lap of one of the fattest I can find
>He's sweatier but far more comfortable than the skinnier ones
>After collecting tips in an earthenware spittoon, a black woman at the front of the theater starts pedaling a stationary bike
>The concession previews a projected onto the brick wall at the back of the room
>the seats waddle around so we can see
>audience starts clapping
>great deals: $25 for corn, $50 for a shot of Dr. Pepper, $75 for a ballistic shield
>After the scheduled mass shooting, the previews begin
>My seat starts talking to the seat next to him about a flick he wants to see
>I turn and ask him to please be quiet, giving him a $20 tip
>He smiles and stays quiet for a minute or two, but eventually starts talking again
>I give him and the other seat $50 each and they finally shut up
>Everything goes fine for a few hours until a James Bond sex scene with Monica Bellucci
>My seat slowly gets an erection
>I can feel the BBC rising underneath me
>I give him a $100 tip to calm down, but he only gets harder
>I keep throwing hundreds at him, but it's too late
>He's inside me
>I try to watch the rest of the movie, but I'm too uncomfortable
>Fuck this
>I start bobbing up and down and left and right until my seat ejaculates inside me
>Finally, the boner shrivels out and I tip him $100 and watch the rest of the movie in peace
>>63689625
You're a great tipper, it's good to see a fellow American practice giving it forward.
>>63689625
Did this actually happen?
What theater was it?
>>63689801
The AMC Mayfair Mall 18 in Wauwatosa, WI. Check the reviews if you don't believe me.
>>63690240
>>63689625
>>63689625
What's it like having so much autism that you actually wrote that out thinking it was funny?
>Date with a shy qt girl
>Go to movies
>I am Number 4
What a shit movie.
>>63689625
>get high with friends
>we decide to go see Rango
>get there and theater is packed with mostly families
>we have to split up, friends all run to one place and leave me hanging
>find only seat left
>this cute mom is right next to me
>"Little old for this, arent you? hahah"
>"yeah, I-I guess"
>she teases me about it for a bit
>she kind of smells me and says "oh, now I get why you are here hahaha!"
>she knows Im high, so I start getting more and more nervous
>she stops and the movie starts
>little while later, feel her hand on my knee and move back out of the surprise, think she just missed the armrest
>she keeps her hand there
>look at her but shes just looking right at the screen while smirking
>start getting a boner and really sweaty
>her hand moves up my thigh
>I can feel her nails liaghtly scratching right under my belly button
>feel her hand slip into my pants
>look at the screen
>Rango opens a door
>everybody do the dinosaur
>>63690735
It's like I'm back on /b/ circa 2008
>>63690735
>>63690460
>Welcome to /tv/, where instead of ignoring threads we don't like and making ones we do, we just complain!
>>63690735
>everybody do the dinosaur
>everybody do the
>everybody do
>do
>do
>do
>do
everybody walk the dinosaur
Get it togeher tyrone, fuck
>>63691964
>I defend reddit tier shitposting circle jerk threads
Better start screencapping this thread to post on r/4chan buddy
>>63692289
Hello reddit
>be about 15
>take a girl to see Three Musketeers (Paul W.S. Hackderson edition)
Needless to say, kinda pissed about that one.
>Go to see District 9 with my cousin
>Forget ID, but ticket lady is cool and let's us buy anyway
>Go to get ticket ripped, apparently theater manager is there and is being a huge cunt
>says we need an adult to be in there with us
>funny enough some random dad also bought his son a ticket to see a R rated comedy so he could go shopping
>all 3 of us standing there looking at her like she's insane
>had to buy ticket for RV or some shit, walked into District 9 anyway,
>random ticket ripper knew, smiled as we left
Never went back, fuck her
Your theater doesn't allow falconry?
>>63690735
gish i havent experienced this feel in probably five years ago as a freshman on /b/
>>63689625
Fuckin laughed at this one m8. Bravo.
>>63689625
>couldn't book and choose my seats
>had to just walk in and find where I wanted like some kind of peasant
>some other fags were in the seats I would have booked
Why is this normal for you Amerifats?
>>63696402
Singles-permit holders aren't allowed to book anything in advance in case they disrupt the designated mass shooter's schedule. They just have to make do with whatever's available.
>Go to see Django Unchained
>theater is 80% black
>someone brings a baby in the theater
>herewego.jpg
>the baby is actually the best behaved baby ever, and doesn't cry after the opening scene
>the audience actually makes it 8x better
t. tarantula
>>63690735
>dinosaur
Doing god's work, anon.
>>63696402
>assigned seats
I remember elementary school, too
>>63689625
you just went full Lovecraft. nice creation
>go see american hustle with the then gf
>how can a cast be so good but a movie so fucking bad
>Took a girl to see The Martian
>Kind of a qt
>Too nervous to hold her hand or anything
>Take the popcorn from her thinking she probably doesnt want to hold it anymore
>She doesnt eat anymore popcorn
>Ask if she's okay
>I put it back on her lap
>She gives me a very WTF look
>I say "oh weird my 3D glasses stopped working brb"
>Leave theatre
>She drove
>Start walking home on the freeway
>Like an hour later she pulls up next to me, must have seen me walking on her drive home
>Asks if I am okay
>I say sorry about the popcorn
>She offers a ride out of pity
>I nervously say I just live a few blocks away
>Instantly realize she picked me up from my place and she knows I'm lying
>I apologize
>She drives off
>>63689625
>until my seat ejaculates inside me
Masterful
>>63692289
`Fuck off reddit you're honestly the worst cancer in the fucking universe. Honestly I'd much rather go fucking make friends with fucking isis than fucking redditors. You fucking semen sucking, sausage swallowing, shit slurping fag fucking fat feeling pig pegging mum munchers.
I hope you all die drowning in your mother's piss while you scream: "SHOW ME YOUR LITTLE JOHNSON, MUMMY!"
I hope you die drinking piss from your own penis that you stretched into a giant tube with rubber bands.
I hope you die from choking on your own testicles and your dog bit off and shoved down your throat because you had him spayed and neutered, you filthy reddit fuck.
I hope you die shitting piss from your ass and pissing shit from your dick, you filthy bluepilled reddit liberal commie scum fags.
>>63689625
meme overload made it not funny.
also:
>no falcons
>no penis inspection
>no mom dropping me off
get a life
>>63696897
10/10
Want to hug you and say "everything will be allright".
>>63697915
>too many memes
>needs more memes
Kek
>>63689625
Autistic as fuck f@m.
>>63697943
Thanks f-a-m
I genuinely didn't realize how autistic I was until that evening. Feelsbadman
>>63689625
>>63690735
>>63692984
>>63696447
>>63696897
Didn't read lol
>>63696897
I hope this actually happened
>me and my two older brothers go see 2 fast 2 furious
>some noisy kids sit down behind us
>about 7 teens
>talking the whole time during the previews very loudly
>my brother turns around and says, "are you guys gonna keep talking during the movie?"
>the one kid, their leader im assuming, pipes up, "oh man here we go!"
>a girl chimes in, "omg so fucking rude."
>the universal logo comes up and one kids screams, "UNIVERSAL!" and everyone in the theater turns to look at him
>all his little buddies high fived him and the girls chortled with rapturous glee
>then.. the wild thornberries movie came on and there was a feeling of mass confusion throughout the theater
>after the intro the picture goes off and the lights come on and a theater attendant apologizes and said itll take about 20 minutes to change out
>we go out to have a smoke.
>i ate skittles cause i was 10.
>my oldest brother who turned around initially is very heated and going over all the ways in which he will show these teenagers whats what
>finally its time and we go back in
>the rowdy group was even rowdier
>to this day i have no idea why we sat in the same seats
>finally before the movie begins my brother stands up and gets in a kids face and screams at the top of his lungs, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
>a man transporting snacks to his wife fist pumped down the aisle with approval
>but it didnt work.
>this only enraged the teens
>they knew my brothers couldnt do anything because they were minors
>finally i told my brothers i had to pee
>i went to the concessions and told them a group of teenagers were being loud and cursing and kicking our seats
>then i make my way back to the movie where my brother is stewing
>i sit down and dont say anything
>2 ushers come down and say, "you kids gotta go."
>the theater erupts in cheers
>my brother starts hysterically laughing
>the kids tried to argue but they were no match for the regal authorities.
>finally we got to watch paul walker die for the first time.. in peace
>>63696897
> girl who doesn't eat popcorn
> probably has eating disorders
She probably wasn't worth it if she was having beef over you taking the tub. That said, you did everything right until you left the theater. If she was a qt, then why the fuck did you leave the theater and then lie to her about where your crib is? You done goofed anon.
anyone else annoyed at the prices for single tickets these days?
I had to bring my disabled grandfather to buy a pair of tickets for star wars at $11 instead of the single price of $14
it is just ridiculous and I didn't even like the movie
>>63692187
>do
>do
>do
The funky gibbon?
>>63700169
The fuck is this "singles" meme?
There's no singles shit where I live.
>>63700192
where do you live?
Singles prices typically range from an average $7-$11
the price is almost in half for pair/couples .
New York btw
>>63700230
Also New York. Are you from NYC?
>>63700259
Yeah man
I live closes to the bronx but I typically go to concourse plaza
I'm telling you the prices for singles only has risen it is troublesome
>>63697796
lol triggered
>finish watching that shitty Pixar movie, Brave at the local theatre with my dad
>go to the cinema showers afterward, agree to meet up with dad outside in 15
>on my way out i forget to tip the shower bouncer
>gives me a red card
>tells me i have to go the cinema confessional
>don't know where it is, have to ask some girl who gives me a look of disgust as she gives me the directions
>eventually arrive there
>oh fuck, the queues huge
>get a text from my dad, asking me where the fuck i am
>tell him i have to confess my Cinema Sins™
>"fuck off, i have to pick up my wife's son from his party in a quarter of an hour, catch the bus home"
>finally get to the cinema lasher after 30 minutes in line
>"what crimes did you commit?"
>tell him i forgot to tip the bouncer standing outside the showers
>alarm sounds, the door to the confessional slams shut, all the windows get covered by steel barriers, red lights start flashing all over the cinema complex
>"red alert, red alert, punishment taskforce engaged"
>the lasher tells me with a panicked voice that not tipping warrants the most severe penance as he runs away
>men in robes with neon cinema signs attached to their breastplates with the words "TIPPING DISCIPLINARY SQUAD" enter the room and cuff me and set up cameras in the confessional, tell me the whole cinemaplex will see this
>"by refusing to engage in the time-honoured tradition of tipping those who work hard in this establishment to ensure the quality of his service, this patron has forfeited his right to a civilized cinema experience and will from now on be relegated to the designated PoC screenings, but first..."
>draws a long whip from under his rope
>"100 lashes!"
>the whole cinema begins chanting
>"100 lashes! 100 lashes! 100 lashes! 100 lashes!"
>if only i'd tipped the shower bouncer...
>>63700077
>a girl chimes in, "omg so fucking rude."
Do teenagers have no social awareness? They were in the wrong here
>>63700873
teenagers are assholes.
they are all horny and trying to impress each other.
but they are all immature so they do it in really annoying and rude ways
usually at the expense of others
>>63700296
I've literally only heard of the existence of a singles rate on the internet.
Fucking insane.
>>63696897
>>I say "oh weird my 3D glasses stopped working brb"
>>63701439
nah we have them in the UK as well
>>63701377
>>63700873
I used to be a teenager, so I can tell you that this is an accurate portrayal.
>3 dollar theater in north seattle
>decide to see hannah with girl
>overweight balding man with long curly hair and thick glasses sits next to me
>notice he has a fanny pack
>he starts making moaning sounds when the little girls kiss
>notice that hes using the fannypack to conceal that hes playing with himself
>move seats but be distracted by his moaning for the rest of the movie
