>in concession line for cooler filled with melted butter at cinéma
>the guard in the watchtower shines his searchlight on me
>>63405959
I'M DOING MEMES ON /tv/
someone should make a film about the tortured fantasyscape that exists inside the minds of /tv/ posters.
>>63405959
>cooler
>melted butter
It was over before it even began anon, 0/10
>a single walks in
>black security guard winks after feeling me up
>>63405959
>take my seat nice and early
>movie starts
>attendant approaches me
>he wants to clean out the birdcage above me
>have to stand up while he cleans it out
>guy behind can't see and starts swearing at me
>bird gets pissed off and starts screeching and rattling the cage
>spills water dish on the woman in front of me
>everyone in the cinema has stopped watching the movie and is turning and glaring at me
>attendant finally finishes up and lets me sit down again
>have a sip of my drink
>it's full of bird seed
>be me
>first date
>first actual meeting
> I arrive before her and attempt to purchase tickets
>state the situation and the ticket droid will have none of it
>slam hands on glass in frustration
>ceiling pincers grab me
>naughty scene comes on
>hide my eyes so mommy doesn't have to
>peak through my hands
>go to local BBQ theater
>It's a bull roast tonight
>This faggot that trained his falcon to take other peoples' food is there again
>His uncle is the falconry officer so he gets away with it
>Decide tonight is the tonight
>while the Faggot is gorging on bull testicles and corn bread I take my own falcon to the falcon penis inspection facility
>while dropping him off I notice the Faggot's faggot falcon in the waiting cage
>take the cage with his falcon in it, it starts humping the sides of the cage for some reason, I think it was in heat
>sneak up to the bbq grill
>suddenly the falcon ejaculates and it gets everywhere, it has a consistency like silly string
>panic and just chuck the cage onto the grill, at this point the falcon is in distress and is making weird squawking sounds
>duck out of there and get my own falcon back
>come back and it smells like chicken and burnt marshmallows
>didn't even taste that bad
>walk to the cinema to see the new Goosebumps film
>I'm a single but, but the girl at the ticket booth felt bad for me and agreed to let in if I bought 2 tickets instead
>half time at cinema
>jumbo garlic crab legs ran right through me
>desperately need to shit but the toilets are out of order
>duck into transgender shower with a locking door while no one is looking
>insert shower token and water starts running
>pull down my pants and release on shower floor
>try to push rancid garlic-crab shit down the drain
>pushed about 75% of the rancid mass down the drain before the water shuts off
>already used the last of my tokens
>pull pants up and try to sneak back to my seat before half time ends
>cinema cops see me leaving transgender bathroom and preform on the spot penis inspection
>the lady cop preforming the inspection is hot and I instantly get erect and fail
>they ask for my cinema partner's phone number so they can come and retrieve me
>mfw
>detained at the cinema for 48 hours
>they let me leave after preforming a lengthy psych evaluation and background test
>forget to tip the doctor and get banned from the cinema for 6 months
>still don't know how Goosebumps ends
>go to theater to see the new James Bond film
>no singles policy, but I figure I'll just buy two tickets like I always do
>pay with my mom's credit card
>cashier gives me a short code and directs me to some new machine that is supposed to give me my ticket
>I walk over, impressed with my theater for having a sleek new machine
>I put in the code
>machine asks me to pick my seats, so I do... E7 and E8
>then it asks me to put my thumb against screen
>I do it
>after a little wheel animation spins around, the machine confirms my thumbprint and asks for the thumbprint of the "second customer"
>start to panic
>look around, cashier is looking in my direction, but my back is to her
>I look back at the screen and put my other thumb against the screen to see if that works
>wheel turns
>"This thumbprint is already registered. Please use different thumb."
>what the fuck
>feel sweat beads running down my back
>Cashier is still looking at me
>A long line is starting to form behind me, but I've paid $60 for the tickets, so I can't turn back now
>unzip dick
>stand on my toes and press it against the screen
>wheel turns
>"Could not confirm thumb"
>suddenly, an alarm goes off and two black guards grab me and escort me out of the theater with my dick still hanging out
>get home and mom screams at me for paying $60 to see a shitty Bond flick
