Great thread yesterday.
Zero scripts and a bunch of half-baked ideas with EPIC twists and no characters to speak of.
What are you working on?
I'm just kidding. Power through guys.
If you really want it, you can get it. 99% of other amateur screenwriters give up. Don't be that one.
>>63283697
i got an epic idea where a plane crashes with no survivors a big guy takes it down and flys away on another plane, but everybody is a plane, a plane inside of a plane that goes into a plane, plane inception.
>>63282524
First draft of a short. First thing I've finished in a while.I think the ending's a bit weak, and I don't have much to resolve in the first place.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6uwaxNQt5HRcWFPZkpONHlybEU/view?usp=sharing
Thinking of writing out a small gunfight, and filming it for shits and giggles.
web series anon here.
I'm looking to expand my circle a bit. would like to work with other writers who also have production experience. my focus is mostly in post production effects, but i do a little bit of everything and have plenty of resources for filming with.
if interested in chatting, trading scripts, letting me do visual effects or even collabing in los angeles, please feel free to write to me
[email protected]
and we can get the ball rolling.
pic related was my last web series. still editing cuz effects take for fucking ever of course.
>>63283768
p1
I don't really think you need this intro at the high school. If anything, if comes off as cheesy and funny.
You should start in the hospital. It keeps the person interested. Why are these people in the hospital? Who are they? What is there relationship? Shorts are short, but that means people's attention is even shorter. You gotta keep them intrigued.
Like, maybe we see the handcuffs in the hospital bed. That could be your opening image. It gets us interested. Why is this person handcuffed? Why is this jock visiting this nerd?
P4/5
Some really dud lines like "were you wanting to stand out?" or "I've toiled for years knowing...fuckers like you only get glory"
p7
You're repeating yourself.
"while you go off and get hailed a fucking hero" Yeah we know. He's said that a couple times.
"I'm not a hero, though. I was just scared." Same thing, we already heard this.
It feels like you're wasting the audiences time or that you ran out of ideas. For a complex situation, you don't really get to anywhere interesting.
There isn't a story here. No one changes. It's a conversation, but with no payoff or message. It's just kinda "there." And at nine pages it's much longer than it needs to be. More like a thought experiment than somethng someone would watch. But even if, you don't really explore any ideas.
What does Connor want? As I read it, Connor wants attention (love, etc). He at first tells Jonathan to leave, but as he gets into it, he really wants to express himself. I think at the ending, Jonathan should want to leave, but then we see how desperate Connor is to talk to him. Connor wants to keep talking, but of course doesn't want to appear like that.
Or maybe, Jonathan gets up to leave after a page or two, but then Connor comes in with a line like "what are you looking to find out, anyway?" so John sticks around.
Jon is such a dope too. His "I just wanna know man" doesn't really go anywhere deep and remains superficial and boring.
>>63285530
>I think at the ending, Jonathan should want to leave, but then we see how desperate Connor is to talk to him. Connor wants to keep talking, but of course doesn't want to appear like that.
I like that.
>>63282524
B R A N D O N
R
A
N
D
O
N
I had a dream about it, so I decided to write it.
Bunch of scientists teleport themselves to parallel dimension. A snow-covered forgotten world, filled with ancient derelict ruins of a long-gone extraterrestrial civilization. They get to exploring and find out the aliens were wiped out by a race of carnivorous parasites connected by a hive-mind, a living virus that is spreading through the cosmos, so they have to evade the creatures, find their access point back home, go back and close it before the creatures can breach into another universe ripe for the taking.
>>63285994
Can we see what you wrote? Or is it just an idea at the moment?
Max Landis here. Ask away.
>>63286449
Can you critique my script? >>63283768
>>63286479
There are no original ideas in Hollywood.
Are there books out there specifically about writing for serial television? Or would you just take a book about screenwriting and adapt it to TV?
>>63286669
its kind of the same really, you just need to make sure you time things correctly for commercials, make sure you are looking at the right format ( sitcom is different than a drama after all ) and the biggest thing you should consider (Assuming this is going anywhere and not just for practice / fun) is budget. even high budget TV shows have a lot more conversation than high budget action movies do.
theres a lot of 'over the shoulder' going on in order to save time and money.
but generally speaking, the best way to learn how to write for television is to either write a spec script for an existing show (admittedly harder these days since most of the shows aren't as formulaic as they used to be) or simply writing scripts for your own show based off the model of other shows.
i mean when you think of your own show, you imagine it being a bit similar to an existing one right? having the same sort of structure? start modeling it off of that.
the only thing i truly recommend, is dont be like one of those shows that doesn't have a pay off. every episode should end with some satisfaction to the viewer. some shows dont believe that, and claim its okay cuz they all build into the finale, but that means the finale has to be AMAZING and most of the time they arent, and all they ever do is set up the next season.
have a payoff.
>>63286449
Provide timestamp.
Let's be really real here, anyone ITT have ANY professional experience in ANY creative industry of ANY kind?
No paying 400 dollars to go to a convention doesn't count
>>63286893
About the payoff, it's better to have episodes end that way rather than cheap cliffhangers and character deaths right? People seem to be overdoing the character death lately.
>>63287414
well yeah, but keep in mind were talking about the more filler episodes here, not the season finales. aside from shows that revolve around death or crime, there arent many episodes that end with a death.
id always say end the episode with the character learning something, whether positive or negative or to be undone by the next episode. if ur not a fan of learning lessons, advance a focus character in some way by the end of the episode. its basic television fundamental there. i prefer when its a bit deeper so that the audience can relate to it on some level.
in united states of tara we can't actually understand what its like to have your personality snap and become a 16 year old girl, but when your daughter hates you for it, we can understand how it feels when you try to act young to relate to your daughter only to have it backfire.
either way you can still have a pay off with a cliffhanger. most shows use cliffhangers more as set ups for the next episode. so it can end with your character realizing he was wrong for trying to manipulate his parents into killing one another, but immediately afterwards they are sucked into a portal that leads to hell.
>>63287362
the closest i got was being paid to rewrite a script by Gary Goddard before that boy molestation scandal broke out. he sold a script in the 80s to FOX and i was hired to redraft it for the 'twilight generation'. thats the only professional experience i got, but im sure a lot of people here got a lot of indie under their belt.
Here's the link to the rough draft of a pilot I'm working on - it's a single-camera sitcom in the style of a 'mockumentary' (think the office or parks and rec).
A few things to mention: (1) script is about 8-9 pages short of a full pilot, 'm working on that. (going to fill that with the omitted Jing-Jing/Erika scene I'm still working on). (2) Formatting is super fucked up, forgive me sempais, I'm still working on it. (3) Humor is too bawdy and crude to be largely marketable, but it's mostly a hobby script so I don't mind.
Any and all feed back is appreciated, thanks!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6CAUUkNVAAOREF6d0tETWdxT2c/view
A movie about a foreign exchange student who is actually a zombie but popular kids and teachers don't even notice. They think his name is Brian. Lol.
Twist is that halfway through, we get to see the human cheerleader who ended up at an all zombie school go ham on some walkers.
>>63287677
learn how to format
>>63287677
i havent read it, but with those three in mind, wouldn't you consider it unreadable? there isnt much we can say if the structure is entirely fucked the humor is unmarketable, its still missing 1/3 of the script (and an integral scene from the sounds of it)
i mean i guess if ur going for an indie web series type thing sure, but it sounds like its too ripe with obvious errors for us to be able to tell you anything helpful about it.
>>63287677
It's not going to be much fun formatting this if you right anymore. You should put it into a script writing program and fix it before you continue.
i'm stuck in the middle of my story
>>63288401
write*
>>63288414
Second act problems are first act problems.
>>63282524
I have this great idea for a script but I'm having trouble fleshing it out
So basically, it's a film about an eye
>>63288748
It isn't so great after all.
>>63288859
no no, you don't understand
STUFF happens
>>63288915
I got this great idea as well. It start off, then shenanigans ensue. There's also a twist, but I'm keeping that a secret.
inspiration where is the inspiration?
>>63289015
I've got a better idea. It doesn't starts but finishes then we go to the middle then back to the end, then it really ends and after the credits it starts.
>>63289015
Sounds awesome, can't wait till it's finished!
>>63289126
>mfw my short film literally does this
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
>>63287910
>>63287994
>>63288401
Formatting is fixed, senpai. Upon correction I find that I'm at 22 pages, which isn't far off from preferred length. Yes I'm still missing a scene, but it's at the end and it's a small resolution for a subplot (maybe a page long at most).
Here's the new link if anyone wants to give this a whirl. I think some of the jokes in here really stand out, so I encourage you all to give this a shot. Thanks in advance.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6CAUUkNVAAOUjdQeXBfY0JRRHM/view?usp=sharing
>>63289318
Now you need to change 'scene' to INT. DORM - DAY or where ever the fuck the scene actually is.
Who wants to do an exercise? Came up with a few movie titles for you all.
SNAKE JAW
THE OUTER GLOW
FAINT
REPETITION
THE GENUINE
Give me a logline and a little pitch. Any genre. Or write a full length feature and sell it to some little indie studio.
I see fire in my second sight
>>63289489
keep it coming f a m
>>63289696
The Outer Glow.
A school teacher racked with depression, witnesses one of his students suicide. Asked by the single mother of the student to investigate the students reasons for suicide. The teacher finds the students past to be comparable to his own. Can the teacher find the strength to answer the mothers inquiry without coming to the same end as her son.
Drama/Romance
Loglines pretty big but oh well.
how much pages i have to write for a movie?
>>63290791
All the pages.
Just look at some scripts of movies you like, you lazy cunt.
>>63290791
Typically 90. The general formula is 1 page=1 minute, but that's not necessarily a hard-set rule.
>>63289696
>SNAKE JAW
A down-on-his luck former drug runner has to transport a bottle of his dead best mate's last spirit that he brewed himself, Snake Jaw, to his family on the other side of the country
But he is pursued by mothers against profanity, the mormon church and radical violent buddhists that he has history with from his past
And the whole time, he has to resist the temptations of the voices in his head telling him to drink the spirit which his best mate described as "pure heroin in alcoholic form"
>>63289696
>Repetition
A NEET fag begins reliving the same day over and over. Thing is, he doesn't realize it until about two weeks into it.
Based on a true story. Your true story.
>>63291119
>history with from his past
SOLD!
My sides.
I'm starting to brainstorm.
Washed-up actor tries to make a quick buck by pretending to be depressed to gain sympathy from the media.
This attention garners him a reality show. His friends question whether he really is faking his depression.
The reality show gets more and more extreme (heavy drinking, sexual deprivation).
Will Brendan Fraser succumb to his fake depression and lose his friends in the process?
Find out inJUST FUCK MY SHIT UP
>>63291199
I swear I came up with this same logline before.
>>63287747
You should question your own sanity for thinking we actually need another fucking zombie movie
>>63291325
I probably subconsciously stole it from somewhere.
>>63287582
>i was hired to redraft it for the 'twilight generation'
Dear lord. Is that what they're calling it?
where is the best city for be a screenwriter?
>>63291449
Really? LA
>>63291471
meme city by the way dude.
>>63291449
Wherever your appartment/laptop are. Writing is a profession for the lonely and alone.
>>63291299
Brandon please
How do I create a written representation of depression that isn't either extremely edgy and hamfisted or too boring for a normal audience of neurotypicals?
>>63291786
Um, don't?
Our job as writers is to be depressed, the audience should get the good stuff
If you must include depression at least take the piss out of it
>>63291819
Oh okay.
I've just been thinking about it lately.
>>63291786
>>63291819
for what it's worth, bojack horseman is one of the only/best/most accurate tv portrayals of depression and I love it for it
>>63283768
How old are you? This reads like you're about sixteen. You wanna know the trick to good writing? Writing around what you're nominally writing about.
>>63290509
Good if done right but shit real easily.
>>63291786
Try coming up with a compelling story and not just "Joe Sad is So Sad" because the only person who's going to really give a fuck about Joe Sad is you. Remember that everybody you meet is a neurotic monkey in a suit looking for something to jerk them off for a few hours. Work from there.
>>63292018Almost 19.
Sad thing is, that's the best I've written in years. It's my first attempt at something moderately serious.
If you want to see shit writing, I've got something much worse.
>>63292085
Throw it at me.
If it's any consolation, there's hope for you. You've got the skin of something that can be more interesting with the proper expansions. I'd recommend Connor be way more reticent at the outset and Jonathan do three-quarters of the talking. As it is, it feels like an explosion that just happens rather than an explosion primed to happen. What does the rest of this world look like? Who's in the hallway? Who's important? I've seen the mask, now show me the central nervous system and the brain and the skull and the muscle and the way the eyes dilate.
>>63292309
This one I just made up as I went along.
I started doing the /fmg/s because I was trying to finish filming this in three days. I never did, but this'll probably be a fun look back.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6uwaxNQt5HReUZObGxJUTltTEU/view?usp=sharing
>>63292309
I'm usually Mr. Positive but come the fuck on dude that was Life TV movie tier writing at best
>>63292484
Keep going, because I want to fix it.
Any advice for cameras and lenses? I have literally no idea where to start.
>>63292584
I'm not an expert, but usually folks start out with a DSLR for their first cameras. I have a Canon 70D, but I've heard the T5i is a pretty good camera.
>>63292584
If it's your first camera, look at the Canon T3i or Nikon D3200 starter packs. Choose wisely, as whichever brand you start out with you probably will stick with through your career.
>>63292947
>tfw started with GH2
a-am I fucked
After an insane party night, a college girl finds herself tied up and left for dead in the middle of an Arizona desert. She learns that she's been sold for a massive shipment of cocaine, and seeks revenge on the ones that sold her out.
Posted this a long time ago, thinking I might go back to it.
>>63292970
>Panasonic
not optimal but you're not fucked either
>>63292550
Well, good news is that your formatting is solid.
The bad news is that you don't know how people talk. Or even how fake people talk.
Take Connor. He's a school shooter. He should be fucking bonkers, he shouldn't be an edgy kid from Degrassi. Connor seems more a snarky hipster than a deranged lunatic, more emo teen then mind raddled murderer. The way he talks needs to match his actions - there has to be both subtle and obvious indications that he's fucked up.
Likewise, the kid confronting him shouldn't be treating the whole affair so lightly, the kid should be apprehensive, scared.
Instead, Jonathan, a kid who I presumed played an active role in this shooting incident, is talking about it like he's a Private Eye. Sure, he gets angry later, but - he shouldn't be dumping exposition to the audience like he had no stakes in the affair.
Imagine you had to confront a shooter - like ACTUALLY confront one. Not a fantasy where you're Chad Thundercock and you save the day and Stacy sees you for the Hero you are, I mean the reality that you were fucking pissing your pants and you saw people die and here he is - the dude who did all that, right in front of you, and you're talking to him
Jonathan should be dripping with emotion, even if he doesn't want to be. And emotion is more than just FUCK YOU
>>63293197
Wow, that's pretty solid advice. Thanks, gonna make a note of that.
And yeah, dialogue is one of my absolute worst weaknesses. This was supposed to be an exercise to fix that, but didn't work so well.
I have an idea for a movie:
A fugitive seeking the truth after his involvement in a large-scale terrorist attack is driving along until his car breaks down and the person who comes to help him is none other than a federal agent. But something is different about her, she also seeks the truth about the same attack. The two must learn to trust each other in order to survive the onslaught of government agents sent to kill them.
>>63293401
Oh hey, it's you again.
>>63293630
I didn't get any advice the first time, and you didn't tell me if you actually liked it.
>>63293401
>>63293690
I mean... pretty generic premise, ain't it? Guessing the two might end up porking cause you specified the agent was a chick
>>63292473
Guy who posted this here
I can't even bear to look at it anymore. What the fuck was I thinking?
What do you guys do with features you've sat on for a bit? I finished one, but I don't know what to do.
>>63293740
Well it's really more of a sequel idea (since there would have to be some story told beforehand).
The "bad guys" would just be doing their job and barely ever come face to face with our heroes but they would be seen in their own scenes. They would be developed sort of like they're doing these bad things because it's their job and all.
The ending would also be sort of a cop-out to most but basically this guy who knows a ton of government secrets and stuff leads the two heroes to truth and maybe this could be after the girl gets caught and is driven home by a friend of her's who is also in the agency and was trying to catch them/help her so there's that conflict.
Anyway, there would be this whole twist at the end that reveals thatIsrael was responsible for the terrorist attacks and that the fugitive's organization was in fact armed by the agency but only to preserve the future of America by rousing the public opinion, and Israel was actually deceiving them as well and it was all an ancient rivalry of faithand the guy who tells the fugitive this is actuallya radical Zionist on life support and he tells him to kill him and he'll leak all the secrets to the public in exchange for the fugitive's own personal happiness, but he refuses and drives off into the sunset will a smile on his face.
>Guessing the two might end up porking cause you specified the agent was a chick
Actually not what I had in mind.
>>63294010
>Israel was responsible for the terrorist attack
Nigga you could have the best screenplay ever made and it still wouldn't get picked, you don't cross the kikes when your dream is to BECOME the kikes
>>63294088
How would it be made then? Would /tv/ have to come together to make it independently?
>>63294162
We'd have to buy plane tickets to meet up in one location and we know how that would go
>>63294262
Yeah. Also, we'd need to find a way to get to the really desolate one-way roads out in the middle of nowhere but still close to the Appalachians.
>>63289696
>FAINT
A young woman with a ruptured voice box tries to run for apartment head of her condo. Things get complicated when she begins an affair with her landlord. The landlord is in love with her but the fact that he can barely hear her orgasms makes him have serious performance issues. As her landlord gets involved with lascivious swingers, the mafia comes reigning down on their condo. What chance does she have when no one can hear her scream?
>>63282524
I wrote my main character to have a trench coat and a fedora. Euphoric.
Things get spooky once Abraham Lundy moves to Nigeria with his young wife in 1954, angering a local witch who brings a plague upon the town.
Everything changes when gay lovers Tom Gillen and Aidan Hardy when a young man claiming to be their long lost son comes knocking on their door. Taken aback by this, the two race against time to prove or disprove the DNA test results.
In the end they find out that the young man was miraculously conceived by the two of them and that they abandoned him at a gay night club rave.
Oh and they both have AIDS.
>>63289696
>THE GENUINE
Jack Sandwich is a successful actor, writer, producer and director. Yet he is known more for stupid youtube videos that he makes in his spare time. Sandwich decides to take his youtube show mainstream, but quickly discovers that his show is genuinely a piece of shit and he was only getting views because of post-ironic frat bros. To get revenge on those that have made his videos popular, Jack goes on a killing spree.
>>63295149
Not super aids thou right!?
>>63294794
What the fuck
>>63291394
coulda been the harry potter generation. we got stuck with twilight
>>63295362
I was on board until the killing spree.
Currently working on a screen adaptation of snow crash by Neal stephenson.
Pic related
Working in my comfy attic sorry for potato image
I'm going through a rough time at the moment, and they say that's the best time to write. Is that true?
>>63298193
That oughta be fun.
>>63298251
Fuck yeah it is
>>63298616
I've never read it, but the MC's name alone makes me interested. Apparently it's a landmark Cyberpunk novel.
I adapted a short story from Machine Of Death. It was a fun little exercise. Suffers from shit dialogue, a staple of my scripts.
>>63298682
It's not hard, just try to get into arguments and debates more, especially with people you know, see how they produce Bantz, that's why most authors act like prissy birches. So they can study the natural art of dialouge.
>>63299352
Huh, that's interesting.
I don't argue much, because I give in too easily.
>>63299393
Also buy a fucking thesaurus nigger. It helps.
>>63299443
I will.
>>63299566
Last thing before I go (I'm getting tired of orange juice and vodka) anything you write is great, at least you are writing. Seriously you areally only hurting yourself by throwing things away. You can learn even from the most cheesy, edgy, reddit thing you write. Believe I your work. Always get a second opinion, you could have written a masterpiece and not know it, love yourself. God speed anon.
>>63295362
dude this is literally decent.
I saw Krampus tonight and it has inspired me to get back to writing. It was nice seeing a bizarre, off-the-wall movie like that for a change and people in my theater really liked it. We need more creativity and originality. Push all boundaries. Write something fucking nuts that nobody would think of.
I've got this character, his name is Sam. He wants to be a mortician and has a wicked sense of humor.
>>63301022
That explains all those corpses dug up With their faces made up.
