>go to see Goosebumps at the cinéma
>I brought my flick license instead
>and I forgot my mandatory cape
>go to cinema
>bring assault rifle
>they only allow handguns
>singles policy
>theater shower
>penis inspection day
>crab legs
>it's falcon tuesday
>forgot my falconry glove
>everyone gives me dirty looks for just doing it with barehands
Why the fuck is it still not possible to just rent gloves at the theater?
>the falcon bidet is out of order
>walk into theater with a papier-mâché dummy of a friend I used to have
>surprisingly, manage to pass level one security
>level two security is a bit more scrutinous, but they let me pass anyway
>walk up to the smallest concessions kiosk
>spaghetti salesman says all they have left is macaroni, popcorn, and pretzel bites
>I order the pretzel bites, and the cashier mentions that my "friend is looking a little pale
>Out of panic, I punch him in the face, setting off the concessions kiosk alarm
>I quickly grab my pretzel bites and duck into the theater, trying to snag a seat in the middle of the aisle (also known as the "Chads/Stacys" aisle)
>Creed starts, and it's fairly enjoyable
>around the middle of the movie the lights come back on, and they pause the movie
>falcons in the shooter's aisle start going nuts
>"Uh, Ladies and gentlemen, we've been advised that there's a guest with a papier mache dummy somewhere within your ranks, please detain him using the cuffs provided under your seat if you find him. Thank you."
>everyone in the Chad/Stacy aisle is pulling their cuffs out, I'm slowly tearing a hole in my dummy to retrieve my gun
>guy next to me remarks "Boy, I sure hope they catch that papier-mâché toting freak soon. Those things are so fucking real it's scary."
>I panic again, punching my hole in the dummy and pulling out my glock
>it becomes an all-out showdown, Chads and Stacys getting blown out left and right by the shooter's aisles
>I kill a shooter for his much nicer AK-47, and blast my way out towards the exit.
>go to see spectre
>theatre has a no white single males policy
>>63171139
>>63171177
>>63171232
dumb frogposter
>heading in to watch The Good Dinosaur
>remembered my Adult Male Non-Pedophile Confirmation card so I could legally attend and got the back of my hand stamped with a "SAFE" mark
>forgot to buy seat insurace and get forced into the standing section
>mfw realizing it was Exercise Day as the theater treadmills activated
>It's an unfunny faggot thread
>>63171330
Reddit please leave
>go to see Creed at the theater
>make it through security, evade NSP
>in the showers
>the water coming out of the shower heads is fucking brown and smells like fuck
>like I'm literally throwing up from the smell bad
>wake up six hours later in the crab mines
>smells exactly like the shower water
>I think some of those crabs were actually giant spiders
Was Creed any good?
>>63171232
>bring my movie mouse
>it's Falcon Friday™
>>63171139
Redditors really ruined this meme
Jesus
>>63171992
>movie mouse
>gremlins fucking around in the projection booth
>send my cinema cassowary to deal with them
>doesn't come back
