he pissed his back
Not his fault, it's that big. Haven't you read the Natalie Portman story?
does being an alcoholic make you sweat a lot?
>>62749984
Hershlag. Her name is Hershlag.
>>62750152
Sorry, Hershlag Portman story.
>>62750171
>mfw this anon ain't me but I'm okay with this
>>62750152
what's a shlag
>>62750130
He has aidscancer
>>62750212
>it aint me starts playing
>i'm okay with this
BIG
SWEATY
WHITE
COCK
>>62749868
>sweating through suede
Shit, someone seek medical attention.
>>62750212
>tumblr gif
>>62750284
>suede
wat
>>62749868
are those wings?
>>62749984
Link to story?
>>62750152
>>62750613
>>62750489
It looks like a deer track.
>>62750235
>mfw i've been sweating a l ot recently
>mfw public bathroom water splashed up into my ass hole while i was dropping deuces yesterday at the cinema
>hair's been falling out after i shower, i check the drain and there's more and more hair there everyday.
i-i'll be fine right lads.
>>62749868
I have a theory on how this happened
>>62750641
In all honestly is this supposed to be funny and im just not dank or edgy enough to get it?
>>62750675
solid science
What does evian have to do with Liam neeson?
Pls no bully
>>62750785
>>62750675
makes sense to me
>>62750706
You shouldn't be so condescending if you're the only person on this website not knowing the context
>>62750880
Im not being condescending at all, if i was im so sorry i hurt your feelings my friend. I seriously dont get it. I know the premise behind the meme You just know and all that i dont get the part about pornstars and water bottles.
>>62750706
Facts and true stories aren't made to be funny, mate.
>>62750785
You are so naive anon... So naive...
>>62750987
OK true, but i agrre with this anon>>62750785
i just want to know the story then
>hfw she sees your evian bottle
>>62749868
could be worse
>>62751072
the fuck is going on here? he spilt his soup, right?
...right?
>>62751072
I was wondering where you were going with that from the thumbnail. Obviously a runner would be sweatier.
But then I opened it. (Apparently that guy said the same thing)
>>62751109
>>62751072
>invites all his coworkers to come cheer him on
>his girlfriend too and her family
>this happens
>>62751072
He shouldn't have had that milkshake before the race.
I learned the hard way too.
>>62751072
Is it puke? That's not embarassing in a race.
>>62751368
Are you baiting me or serious? Its coming out of his ass so how would it be puke anon?
>>62751368
no,it'snot
>>62751072
How do you even recover from that?
>>62751447
You just run faster
>>62751447
You only hang out with coprophiles from then on.
>>62751428
>>62751439
But it's in the front?
>>62751491
Its cause hes running so his thighs are pusing it forward, you gotta realize your hole is more below you as apposed to behind you then you think
>Pissing Neeson
>Horny Natalie
>Shitting marathonian
This thread is weird. Surely a mod will come cut it short before long
>>62751072
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runner's_diarrhea
>>62751578
>Runner's diarrhea, often termed "runner's trots"[1] or "the gingerbread man"
>the gingerbread man
>>62751612
>If the runner can find a suitable toilet or bush, the resulting stool will be on the higher end of the Bristol stool scale.
>The Bristol stool scale, Bristol stool chart, Bristol stool form scale, or BSF scale[1] is a medical aid designed to classify the form of human feces into seven categories.
>Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
>Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy
>Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
>Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
>Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
>Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool
>Type 7: Watery, no solid pieces, entirely liquid
>>62751678
Type 1 reporting
>>62751678
That list description made me cringe hard
>>62751612
>At the 2005 London Marathon, winner Paula Radcliffe, in desperate need for a toilet break during the race, stopped by the road in full view of the crowd and live TV cameras and passed diarrhea. She later blamed a meal of grilled salmon from the previous night for the incident.[6]
>>62751678
>that time was so constipated I prayed to god on the toilet
this is the size of what passed
>>62751753
Are runners that alpha that they just dont give a fuck
>>62751811
They just accept it as a fact of life. You run, you're going to shit yourself in public eventually.
>>62751939
there should be a doujin about this
>>62751939
Any idea what the reasoning is, do they just over hydrate or something?
>>62751072
>that old guy pointing and smirking
Based
>>62752026
Not a smirk, a look of confusion that all old people wear
>>62751782
Hopefully not the shape too.
One time I took a huge shit in some small restaurant's toilet, clogged it, beat a hasty retreat. Couple weeks later I drove past and it had closed down. I've always imagined there was some connection, like the plumber charged so much they went bankrupt.
/tv/ - Television & Film
>>62751476
>>62752239
>Hopefully not the shape too.
Doesn't really matter, because somehow it always starts with the wide end.
OK a good way to not have a hard-ass monster shit wrecking your virginia anus is to:
- drink a lot (and it better not be sweet shit soda crap);
- eat apples regularly (or so I heard);
- move your fat lazy ass off the fucking chair from time to time, so that the shit in your shit tunnel won't build up in a ramming bolt.
Cheers.
>>62751612
>This Thread
>>62751072
>thought i had to fart, but i pooped
UNO
>>62751612
>run run as fast as you can
>you can't stop me I'm the gingerbread man
>>62750284
You don't actually know what suede is.
>>62752007
Runner here. I think that probably contributes but it's basically just gravity doing its thing, which is why the shit is always mushy and barely solid.
You're bobbing up and down repeatedly for an hour or more, every time you do the food waste in your guts is shook down a little more, eventually it's going to be filling your bowel and, as a liquid, it's incredibly hard to hold in whilst trying to expel the building gas at regular intervals without shitting yourself.
I've only had a running shit once, luckily it was in the middle of the night training for the military, I did have to use a persons garden though. I wiped with my underwear and left them behind.
>>62752411
>11
>UNO
>>62752550
They were the native people before Somalians replaced them
>>62751072
>tfw I legitimately shit myself once while running
>it just came out of nowhere and it was physically impossible to stop
God was kind to me though and I managed to get home without running into anyone, also it was all contained in my underwear. I hope I never have to shit that bad again where it's impossible to hold it in, it was surreal.
>>62751562
>>Pissing Neeson
>>Horny Natalie
These two are basically the same though
>>62751072
>They should call him, the flush.
>>62752785
>The Scarlet Shitter
>The burning browner
>The Sultan of Squish
>>62752560
>I did have to use a persons garden though. I wiped with my underwear and left them behind.
>Wake up in the middle of the night
>Hear garden hose
>Go outside
>Naked man running down the street
>Lawn smells like shit
>Left his underwear
>>62751578
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runner's_diarrhea
>If the runner can find a suitable toilet or bush, the resulting stool will be on the higher end of the Bristol stool scale.
Seriously thought this was a rating on how classy the shit was midrace.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_stool_scale
Also what rank is tv?
He don't give a fuck.
>>62751072
>Them reactions
>>62752851
3/4 mix, tbqh.
>>62752885
>>62752885
Like a boss
>>62752574
7/10 good effort, but you didn't really stick the landing.
>>62751072
>that face
>>62750669
You're dying' Anon.
aka getting old.
>>62750669
you got anally raped by someone's ass particles when that water splashed you
someone's ass is literally inside you right now
>>62750669
have you used the theater showers? couldve gotten an infection from there as well
>>62753147
intriguing
>>62750447
OH WHAT TURNS YOU OOOOON
NOW THAT YOUR ANIMAL'S GOOONEEE
>>62750827
jesus christ, she looks like a midget/mutant version of her current self
shit is scary
>>62751072
>>62751109
>>62751130
>>62751368
>>62751447
Runner's diarrhea. It's extremely frequent in marathons, but the sports media doesn't talk about it. When your body decides which organs are gonna fail first, your intestines are the first to go. Runners will often go hide behind parked cars, pull their shorts down and squirt before going back in the race. You never see that on ESPN.
Captcha is SOUP
>>62750669
It could just as easily be stress, too much stress fucks you up so bad
>>62753377
They SHOULD, especially if Celebrities are involved.
Vegas would start betting tables on who poops first.
>>62752992
YOU
>>62753183
>theater showers
I have been to multiple cinemas in 5 different european countries and have never seen theatre showers. What on earth are they for?
Sweaty man here. This looks like me when a girl is within 100 feet of me
>>62753377
And the Espy for best explosive diarrhea goes to...
>>62750669
Hair doesn't fall out because of cancer or most diseases. It is the harsh chemical treatments like chemo that cause hair loss.
>>62753474
soaping up and getting clean before watching a movie, ya screw. or after, you can get fresh from an intense IMAX experience
>>62753474
>What on earth are they for?
Marathonians.
And Greeks.
>>62753474
It's an American thing.
So you can wash the blood off yourself.
>>62753474
>openly displaying your newfaggotry
>>62753487
Is IBS considered cheating?
>>62753377
Not to mention this also happens very very frequently
>>62753519
Do americans not have a shower before they go out?
>>62753540
I don´t often see any threads on theatre showers, I do apologise
>>62752589
I have a similar story
>tfw 2 day drinking binge
>was about to hit up a bar in the city where some of my friends that I haven't drank with yet that night were
>feel pretty good, not very drunk anymore, looking forward to getting more drunk
>walking to the bar
>all of a sudden feel an extreme need to shit
>I'm literally in the middle of the town square
>it's night, so not that many people are out
>I literally shit myself right then and there
>run to the nearest tunnel thingy (my town has tunnels kind of installed in buildings)
>I don't know what to do, I feel like sobbing
>I live about an half an hour from where I am
>call up a taxi to take me home
>had to pay the taxi driver a tripled normal fare, because the smell of shit is unbearable
>he's fighting the urge to vomit all the way through even with all the windows rolled down (it was early January)
>finally come home
>immediately go into the shower, take down my pants and see that I have truly shit my favourite boxers and jeans
>they both go into the garbage while I rinse my ass in the shower
>go to sleep
It's been almost a year since that happened, and I haven't drank anything with alcohol sinceI now stick to weed mostly[/spoier]
>>62753551
No, just PEL's (performance enhancing laxatives)
>>62753533
bunderrated bost
>>62753612
yeah, I remember this being talked about once here
>>62753612
not sure if that's super gay or super manly
>>62753668
>>62751476
>>62749868
Why does he have so little hair behind his head?
>>62753612
>>62753668
>>62753703
What in the living fuck.
>>62752992
He got a lot of pussy since his wife died because women feel sorry for him.
>>62753761
chaffing, I assume.
>>62753761
>he's never had runner's nipple
I run a few miles occasionally and I used to get it
Not as as bad as that though
>>62751562
I was very deep in thought about what, precisely, it was that I was enjoying about this thread. Also wondering why it was created and why it was engendering the sorts of responses that it was. then your response came along and pulled everything into focus for me.
>bleeding nipples
> runner's jet liquid shit
/d/'s official sport.
>>62753837
What about runner's dick? or runner's kneecap?
>>62752992
what's on her right tigh ?
>>62751678
Crap, I'm a type 1-2
>>62753986
>What about runner's dick?Mine isn't big enough to bounce around and chafe in my underwear ;_;
>>62753993
>this thread
were humans just not meant to run? why else would we shit ourselves and have blood spray out of nipples when we do it
>>62753612
>>62753668
>>62753703
How does this even happen?
da fuq hahaha?!?!!?
this is why I love 4chan, never laughed so much in my life, I'm screencapping this :,D
>>62753860
It'd have to be bleeding shitting dick nipples to be /d/'s sport
>>62754190
chafing over long distances, it's why you wear an undershirt
>>62754324
Or a sport bra for men, that's what I do
>>62752619
>this pic
hnnnnng
muh dick
>>62754073
Srsly ?
>>62754324
makes more sense than my theory desu.
I thoguht it was because the herat was beating for a long time and blood came out of their chest through their nipples.
>>62754452
what the fuck man
>>62751678
type 5-7 all day erry day
>>62754324
>>62754342
or a cotton shirt instead of a synthetic polyester one
>>62754504
whats your diet? wish i could have 5.
>>62754474
I know, it doesnt make sense, which is why I said your theory was better.
>>62754405
>tfw my cousin looks exactly like a blonde natalie portman
>>62754045
Small or just a grower?
Mine looses 70% mass when not erect.
>>62751678
Medfag here, on wards we have the charts with the descriptions and also helpful little drawings of the shit next to them so they know what to write down
>>62754659
post pics, dawg
>>62753632
jesus christ dude
>>62753815
That is not chaffing.
>>62753837
What do you wear - a sandpaper t-shirt?
>>62755491
It's from chaffing. People tape their nipples or uses bandages to avoid it.
>>62755506
You must have to run for a long time for that to happen. I jog regularly, usually around 40 minutes and ive never experienced discomfort around that area.
>>62754562
I still like your theory.
>>62754452
uhhh shit, my heart beats 24/7, am i diseased?
>>62751678
>tfw when range from 1 to 7
need to change my diet
>>62754324
or rub some vaseline on them or put a bandaid over them priot to the race
>>62755837
you're alive
>>62755886
How horrifying.
>>62753468
JUST
>>62756121
KNOW
>>62754190
Nigella is literally the perfect woman
>/tv/ does nothing but meme and shitpost movies and TV shows
>generally displays no knowledge of the industry or any profession involved in it
>displays a wide knowledge of marathon running and stool types
I'm disappointed yet impressed at the same time.
>>62755561
I used to jog and im returning these days.
I always had discomfort in that area and its because of chaffing. 40 min of intense run activity to me is enough to get a little pain in the nipples.
>>62756448
I mop the floors of theatre showers ask me anything
>>62756339
She's so cute when she's being strangled
>>62756629
>>62753612
>>62753668
This is why you don't wear those kinds of fucking shirts.
>>62751072
And THIS is why you shit before a run. Granted I've never ran a marathon, but as a dude who ran 8-12 miles just about every day you ALWAYS take a shit before you go out. It's pretty much safe to say if you haven't shit before you go out for a long run, don't go out for a long fucking run.
>>62754452
Please tell me this is bait. Nobody is this stupid..
>>62749868
He had to tuck. It was that or sling it over his shoulder.
>>62756761
>tfw went for a 5 mile jog last week and could feel my shit lugging around with each step.
Absolutely awful sensation
>>62752992
Gatdamn. You just fucking know.
>>62756796
What did he say that was wrong?
>>62756830
Literally everything. You'd have to be literally retarded for your logical brain to come to the conclusion that bleeding nipples are the result of your heart pumping too much blood too fast.
>>62756820
Bet you had a good shit afterwards though.
>>62756448
This is the most civil thread I have ever seen on /tv/, what the fuck.
>This thread
I'm honestly amazed with some of the shit you'll learn from /tv/ sometimes.
>>62756888
Oh aye, had a shower immediately after the jog and then unclenched to release everything in one effortless heave - beyond refreshing
>>62756877
>not pumping your blood at the correct speed for it not to come out of your nipples
>>62756949
I can't bring myself to shit in the shower, always wonder "what if I clog the drain?"
>>62756982
Drain-o.
>>62750284
I went to collage with some guy who sweated like this, healthy looking guy in his early 20, suddenly collapsed one day, diagnosed with cancer, and died shortly after.
>>62756982
I shat after the shower, not during - I ain't a godless heathen.
>>62756966
Every single human on earth does this.
>>62756877
That's true though. The blood that comes out of your nipples comes from being pumped by your heart
>>62757096
That's worse mate. Shit first, then shower so you wash your ass.
>>62750212
SOME FOLKS ARE BORN
SILVER SPOON IN HAND
>>62752992
>He makes her tie his shoes so the paparazzi get photos of the controller
His game is sooo stratospheric. Imagine how creative you have to be to keep things fresh with how he lives?!
>>62753632
Maybe I didn't drink enough, but it never gave me the shits. Is that a thing?
>>62757129
Cute.
All blood that expels from your wounds is because your heart is pumping it. Your heart pumping too fast/hard is not going cause an open wound that blood can escape from in any circumstances.
>>62757181
Whenever I drink dark rum I get the shits. Maybe it's what you drink.
>>62750706
get the fuck back to reddit faggot
>>62757068
>I went to collage
>>62757133
I didn't care about worse at the time. Besides, I ain't sitting on a toilet with a sweaty arse.
>>62753632
Oh fuck I'm dying.
>>62757158
>the controller
Controller for what? Looks like a phone holster to me.
>>62756982
I beat a guy to tears for pissing in my shower once. If someone shat in there, they'd be dead. I'm not saying don't do it, but don't get caught.
>>62753612
What the shit
>>62757214
What if you're in space and your heart pumping blood AT ALL causes it to burst forth from an open wound?
>>62757263
Story?
>>62757233
Feel you man.
>>62756629
>>62753703
>>62753668
>>62753612
kek what a bunch of pussies
>>62753632
>Taxi driver finds the smell of shit unbearable
Couldn't suspend my disbelief for this, sorry
>>62757263
Piss is water anyway
Who cares?
>>62757263
>things that never happened
Sure tough guy.
There's literally nothing wrong with pissing in the shower. You save water that way. The constant flowing water means the salt and acidity of your urine has zero time to do any damage to your porcelain/vinyl/pipes. Shitting can obviously be problematic and I doubt anyone actually does it.
>>62757259
Her phone holster is the purse. That doesn't look like any phone model someone of her status would have, anyway.
>>62757263
>I beat a guy to tears for pissing in my shower once
you're a fucking faggot
>>62757333
It's out of their control? They're not bleeding because it hurts man they're bleeding because friction.
>>62757263
Oh shit we got a tough guy here
>>62757285
Your heart could literally burst and it still wouldn't create an open wound.
>>62753632
>throwing away your favourite jeans
>not just rinsing them in the shower along with yourself and then washing them with enough powder to make a snowman out of
It's a pair of jeans. They were designed to be used by miners who had the shits all the time and who were stuck using communal outhouses. They're fine.
>>62757306
We were on a team in college, he was assigned to another room but someone let him into ours. He wasn't taking a shower there was a toilet right next to the bathtub, but he decided to piss in the shower anyway (without water running). I went to the sink (just outside the bathroom door) and he had left the bathroom door cracked open ~5 inches so I heard and then saw what he was doing. Maybe it's normal in China; I've read they spit outside in some places and do a lot more urban outdoor urination there. Not in my hotel room.
>>62757359
>They're not bleeding because it hurts
No shit? You can't be in so much pain that you randomly start bleeding. That being said, chaffed nipples to the point of bleeding definitely hurts. Pain is pain no matter how mild or insignificant.
>>62757380
What about explosive decompression?
>>62753256
SHE'S THE FACE ON THE RADIO
SHE'S THE BODY ON THE MORNING SHOW
>>62757232
Never said I finished it, dropped out after a year.
>>62757263
How the fuck would you even know?
>>62757342
Looks like it could be a Blackberry. People do still use those.
Regardless, if it's not a phone then what is it? "Controller" is a pretty non-specific description in this context.
>>62757126
Not everybody, have some respect
>>62757436
Well yes glad we're in agreement but why call 'em pussies for something they can't control was my point.
>>62757359
I've never seen it and I've run a lot, few marathons as well. Fucking weird this is a thing.
>>62757450
That has nothing to do with your heart. Your heart couldn't explode with enough force to cause that.
>>62757232
I also went to a Grammer school
>>62757501
like for a bullet vibrator
>>62757513
No idea. I don't think that anon was really thinking about his post. Kids here just love to hurl invective at every feasible (in their eyes) opportunity.
>>62757555
What about Pai Mei's Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique?
>>62757532
It's the material. You've been lucky enough not to wear the wrong thing.
>>62757503
Yes everybody. Even dead people.
>>62750223
A promiscuous lady
>>62757610
That's a work of fiction, a Tarantino work of fiction nonetheless, where unrealistic/nonsensical use of blood is all too common. The blood was only coming out of Bills mouth to give the audience visual confirmation that the technique had an immediate effect on Bill.
>>62753632
>only a two day drinking binge and he shits himself
youre small time
>>62757686
So his heart exploded and blood poured out, it's settled then.
>>62757586
Ah. Possibly. You'd think that would affect her acting performance though. Never seen the movie they're filming, maybe shes supposed to be incredibly horny? Could also be for a lapel mic come to think of it but I was under the impression that most films used booms.
>>62751072
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QN42dxSfd3A
>>62757734
In the movie yes. A movie where frail blonde women run up walls and balance on the tip of a sword and jump impossible distances. It doesn't happen in real life.
>>62751753
Indian genetics.
>>62757806
That's Pai Mei that balanced on the sword, not a frail blonde woman.
>>62751753
runners are fucking disgusting
>>62757880
My bad, but it's equally as ridiculous for a frail blonde woman to hold upwards of 100lbs on the end of her outstretched arm, let alone the extra leverage and strength required to grip a sword with that much weight on the end of it.
But clearly that simple mistake/lapse of memory invalidates everything I've said and that means that yes indeed the heart can pump hard enough to expel blood from orifices and create open wounds which also expel blood. Especially in real life.
>>62757181
>>62757217
That's a thing. Usually happens with dark liquor. It's called "the whiskey shits".
>>62751072
that's just selfish, what a cunt
>>62751678
>Please
Type 3 is the hardest to shit out for me, but I'm usually type 4 master race.
>>62751678
type 1 all day. though they are small. I'm like a gattling gun pew pew pew
>>62757133
If that's a problem for you, eat more fiber. You should be able to wipe your bp until there's nothing on the paper without bleeding to death.
>>62757263
Are you exactly like the Driver?
>>62751130
>>62752837
>>62757263
There is literally NOTHING wrong with peeing in the shower
>>62753993
mic I think
>>62756761
>those kinds of fucking shirts
What kind, nigga?
>>62757492
did you feel responsible for your friend getting cancer?
>>62753612
>>62750991
>naive
>evian
>>62753256
>>62757467
AND FLOG ICE CREAMS
TILL THE COMPANY'S ON ITS KNEES
>>62763127
Pottery
>>62751678
3 & 4.
Whoever is constatly type 6 should get themselves checked for polyps.
