Hello, and welcome to 'Whose Heresy is it Anyway?', where the points count about as much as an Ork with no fingers.
I'm your host, Inquisitor Drew Carius, and I'll give you your first prompt:
>Things you can ask an Archmagos that you can't ask your girlfriend
>>48112590
Where's the toaster, I'm horny.
>>48112590
Why did you install a male plug?
>>48112590
Wouldn't this work out better covered in oil?
>>48112590
Maybe you should get repaired.
>>48112590
>"Hey, is it true that thing's harder than diamonds?"
And for your next topic;
>Things you are unlikely to hear in a Genestealer Cult
>>48113059
>Hey, Andy, you've seen my shaving cream?
>>48113059
"Any volunteers to be PR flack?"
>>48113059
>"So, I was thinking of growing a mullet..."
>>48113059
"Man, there's nothing less attractive than a bald head."
>>48113059
"Lets take things slow."
>>48113059
Ew a bug.
>>48113059
"Hair stylist welcome."
>>48112590
Why can't we connect anymore?
Next from the hat;
>Ways to guarantee your homeworld getting Exterminatus'd
>>48114091
"I think Horus was right."
>>48114091
Hereticssaywhat?
>>48114091
Call the Inquisition, I don't give a fuck
>>48114091
>"I was thinking of downplaying the skulls when I redecorate your quarters, Inquisitor..."
>>48114091
>I dunno Bob, if they live just on the other side of this Veil of Reality thing, shouldn't we invite them over on tea?
>>48114091
>"So about that eye of terror, it's a good start...but we can go further and do better. Just think of the boost to trade revenue from tourism."
>>48114091
Eldar Welcome!
>>48114091
You know, if the God-Emperor is supposed to be all knowing and all powerful, why in the fuck do I need to worship him all the fucking time. If he knows EVERYTHING, he should know why I don't always show up to mass and not care.
>>48114091
Diversity is our strength!
what's this on this next card?
>Things you would expect to find in a Dark Eldar Valentines card
>>48114789
... Some kind of horrible trap?
>>48114789
Drew Carius.
>>48114789
Monofilament wire dental floss.
>>48114789
To steal a joke from >>48115106 - A monofilament g-string
>>48114789
"Slaneesh is pink, Horrors are blue,
before you can blink, I'll torture you"
>>48114789
A tiny haemonculus made to look like an anatomically correct, still-beating heart
>>48114789
Drugs and super fetish gear
>>48114789
When opened, it disperses a knock-out gas and activates a homing beacon for your DE wiafu to pick you up
>>48114789
Some sort of Shredder Dildo/Fleshlight hybrid
>>48114789
A mon-keigh v-card, packaged along with the mon-keigh and ready to be revoked along with his internal organs.
>>48115401
>>48115398
>>48115350
>>48115216
>>48115189
>>48115175
>>48115153
>>48115106
>>48114946
>>48114972
Intriguing, yet highly disturbing...
what've we got now?
>Things a Chaos Lord would bring to your Mom's house
>>48115610
A Slaaneshi tongue-whip
>>48115610
The blessings of Papa Nurgle in the hopes the constant vomiting will make her skinnier
>>48115610
His roving gang of murderer-rapists and a truckload of cocaine
>>48115610
A bouquet of tulips and a polite gift card.
My mom gets along really well with everyone, even Chaos Lords.
>>48115610
An appetite, my mom is a great cook and always cooks too much since she has 4 kids and 3 of them boys
>>48115610
A word about our lords and saviors, in exchange for only a minute of her time.
>>48115694
awww.
diddly dit, what's the next skit?
>unusual items to have master crafted
>>48116149
A dildo.
>>48116149
>>48116197
a lasgun dildo
>>48116149
Digital weapons.
I thoroughly enjoy how 90% of what I know about Warhammer is from jokes about Warhammer. In related news, this thread is a learning experience.
>>48116149
Prosthetic Finger
>>48116355
Always happy to educate a fellow anon.
>>48116149
Departmento Munitorum issued undergarments.
>>48116498
Haven't you read your Primer, Guardsman? They already are master crafted.
>>48116149
Master Craft my bottle opener up
>>48116149
A Choppa, or anything orky.
>>48116149
The Emperor.
>>48116149
a toothpick
>>48116149
>>48116197
>>48116284
a lasgun dildo that can actually kill something
>>48116149
Cobra Escort
>>48118459
He's already master crafted, you git!
>>48116149
master crafted STC
>>48114157
what?
Plot Armour
Wallets
>>48116149
A servitor that then master crafts mastercrafters.
>>48116149
Grav-chutes for the Elysian Drop Troops
>>48114625
>>48114710
SAY IT LOUD
SAY IT CLEAR
TYRANIDS ARE WELCOME HERE
>>48115610
>Things a Chaos Lord would bring to your Mom's house
Your dad.
