Hear ye, hear ye. I hereby call to order this meeting of the most illustrious Mages Guild! So, I'm sure everyone's managed to get settled back in after the taco incident, that's good. How am I? Thanks for asking Jerry, I'm doing fine, you know, sleeping well, trying to ignore the FUCKING SNAKES EVERYWHERE! That's right people, snakes! I'm not entirely sure how you didn't notice them earlier. Evidently, that fucking Druids Guild decided to take advantage of the long bathroom lines and well to make a long story short we've got a shitload of snakes. All over the guild. Apparently they are still upset about someone trying to burn down their forest while they were in the middle of a meeting. And while there is NO solid evidence that any of us did it they apparently have their suspicions and decided to act on them. Now, besides pointing fingers and arguing over who got us into this situation, though let's be honest, we all know who it must have been, we also have to decide what to do with all the snakes.Welcome to the Mages' Guild. Pick a name and join in! Conflicts are resolved with d20s when needed, or with playing it out. When the thread dies on /tg/, we keep it going on desustorage.org. For additional resources, please visit http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Mage%27s_guild
I'm tired of these mothafuckin' sneks, in my mothafuckin' guild!
I see no problem with this situation. I'll take all the snakes you can give me.
>>47476439
Can I feed them to my oozes?
Feeding unwanted creatures to our already existing creatures sounds like the best plan.
I, for one, welcome our new snake overlords...
>Breaks down laughing
Okay, no, this is pretty damn funny. Those druids made some fairly terrible mistakes.
>>47476478
>slithers onto xanyl's shoulder
Sneks?
>>47476486
I don't see why not.
>>47476542
Not snakes like you, snakes without arms.
>>47476542
Yes, snakes. I study them, but they're not quite like us.
>>47476439
Nobody can prove I didn't do it, and nobody can prove I did.
But if I did do it, I would have no regrets about this conclusion. At least one of the druids died in that forest fire, and that's well worth a couple of snakes. If I didn't do it then I would like to congratulate whoever did so.
>>47476569
triggered
>>47476563
Great.
Have any creatures that would eat snakes?
>>47476590
Hey, you don't mind if I feed a few to my oozes, right?
>>47476563
>>47476590
Cun they speek, Mester Xanyoo?
>yells to a snake
Hullo, snek!
>>47476600
Uhhhh... I guess I should be apologizing to those druids on behalf of my class...
>>47476644
They cannot.
>>47476634
What, you think undead eat snakes?
Though some zombie snakes would make a good class project...
>>47476655
No need, they had it coming, those bloody druids keep interrupting my rituals. Congratulations on making the world a better place.
Go to /qst/ Jesus christ
Blasted hippies! Why can they not stick to drum circles and fornicating with their beast-wives?
>>47476657
You realize how ridiculous AND expensive it is to make zombie snakes right? Just where the hell are you going to get the funding, because it sure as the nine Hells isn't coming out of my department!
>>47476696
Uhm, I believe you're thinking of the Barbarian tribes of Estgo-Movnga. Though I will admit their cultures are incredibly similar
>>47476696
Because their beast-wives are terribly reluctant to fornicate with them?
>>47476708
Hey, who's the necromancer here?
>>47476696
Hm, who are you again?
>>47476708
I don't think raising zombie snakes is that difficult.
>>47476759
Is it?
>>47476657
Awww...
>looks sad
>>47476759
You don't have to be a fucking Necromancer to see how much your department spends on reanimation ingredients!
I mean, C'MON! Your god damn department spent nearly a 1/3 of the weekly guild budget this past week alone!
>>47476696
One would hope that they could keep to themselves and not bother us all the time.
>>47476708
Shouldn't be that much more expensive than the rats we have the students practice on.
>>47476778
Would you like to play with Goops, Sylvie?
>>47476814
Well, they are one of the biggest departments.
>>47476773
I mean probably.
>>47476778
Don't worry, I'm sure one day you'll find talking snakes.
>>47476814
Hey, have you seen the number of necromancers we've got?
>>47476835
Nuh, they're ickee!
>>47476840
Willy?!
>>47476814
When you have a lot of materials to work with, it only natural that spendings on reagents go up. I would like to see you raise a dragon sized drake as a zombie without diamond dust.
>>47476840
It probably is that difficult or probably isn't?
>>47476845
Come on, Goops is great!
>Goops starts dancing the cha-cha
>>47476816
You probably don't even read the budget reports the beaurmancers create for us each week, do you...
>>47476439
>that glans in the background
>>47476878
And you do?
>>47476867
Just because you can raise a Drake back to semi life doesn't mean you should! Mostly because you guys just let it roam free and terrorize the nearest city!
>>47476439
Can we make snake golems?
>>47476845
Yep!
>>47476872
It really depends on the student.
>>47476952
Probably?
>>47476952
Jill, are you suggesting biomancers or fleshwarpers haven't already made snake golems?
>>47476964
Hm, guess so.
>>47476977
True... Okay then, Lets make take a snake a 2 as a familiar
>>47476950
It did what? That thing is supposed to guard the corpse storage!
>>47476952
Of course. But what do you intend to do with them?
>>47476872
Ew!
>>47476964
Uh'k- Ok!
>>47476926
I actually do. It's one of the reasons I come to these meetings. That, and to find out when the next "Murder Missile Tuesday" is. It's weird that it's not every Tuesday like the name implies...
>>47476987
What happened to your other familiar?
>>47477002
>Sighs and picks up Goops
Sorry Goops. Some people just can't see how great you are.
>Goops shrugs and spins before disappearing
>>47477009
That's only because the mages behind the murder missiles forget it's Tuesday's some weeks.
>>47477001
........Snakes that walk?
>>47477038
>Bleh fucked up that post
>>47477038
Yeah but I mean... ever since I started teaching here, it's never been on Tuesday... I've seen it happen on Wednesday, Thursday, Monday, Saturday. Hell I've even seen it happen on the mythological eighth day of the week that may or may not exist, "Prillisday"!
>>47477009
It used to be every Tuesday, but apparently there were complaints. And in defence on my budget, the department gets additional funds from Tenebrus from time to time, since we took the place from those vampires, I'm not sure if the bueromancers have started including that yet.
>>47477067
And that's the end goal then, making snakes that walk? No other reason for making them?
>>47477067
>It still begs the question of why Jill would suggest making snakes familiars
Snakes that walk? Aren't those lizards?
>>47477094
I've seen them actually do it on Tuesday once. It was during a blue moon.
>>47477097
Are you bloody kidding me!?! You get additional OUTSIDE FUNDING!?! This is god damn ridiculous! Meanwhile, my department has to submit a form two point four weeks in advance JUST to get new quills!
>>47477112
Isn't that supposedly when that eighth day of the week that may or may not exist supposed to maybe probably not supposed to happen?
>>47477162
No no, that day happens when the moon turns into cheese.
>>47477140
We had to get outside funding, there was no way the guild would approve the funds, or be able to provide the bodies, for our attempt at breaking the record for largest undead army assembled in the current age.
Besides, those vampires were idiots, dammed up all the rivers due to the whole running water myth. And yes, it's a myth, we've tested it.
>>47477193
It still does that? I thought someone had fixed that by now.
>>47477205
Yeah. But then it got blown up.
And a new moon was created.
And someone cursed the moon AGAIN.
>>47477205
Where the hell do you think the "Milkamancers" get all that cheese from?
>>47477205
Did we ever get confirmation we broke that record, actually?
>>47477038
Ok! I go naow!
>Springs away to try and talk to other sneks
>>47477205
>>47477233
God dammit, this is why the reason why the guild keeps getting attacked by adventurers! They come in, thinking this place is a god damn dungeons. Kill 4-5 apprentices, and then leave!
>>47477217
That would explain it.
>>47477222
You know, I never really thought of that.
>>47477233
We did, we almost doubled it too. Still didn't beat the all time record from back in the 3rd Age though. But that's to be expected, the one responsible for that army had half a continent to work with.
>>47477253
Which is why we keep moving the guild to make it difficult for the adventurers to find. Also, we have plenty of apprentices, if anything my department profits from this arrangement.
>>47477321
Yep. So how goes Tenebrus?
>>47477449
Tenebrus is doing as well as is possible for a land with a history of being both a cursed land, and with generations of incompetent rulers. With that to work with I'm satisfied with the fact that things are improving at all.
>>47477321
Yeah.
Hmm, wonder if we could find a continent to do that with...
>>47477494
Cool.
I'm more free than I expected to be nowadays.
Even though I am a Lord of Areis they seemed to have isolated themselves again and there's not much for me to do.
>>47477512
Unless you suggest invading Dyuang then there is no way we could get the numbers at this time. Also, there is no way we could do it without having every adventurer and paladin on the continent jump at the chance to stop us. I prefer to only be on the receiving end of a paladin crusade once in my lifetime thank you very much.
>>47477537
It's what they do, you shouldn't be too surprised. Since you are free, ever cleaned up a cursed swamp?
>>47477537
What a shame.
>>47477568
Fair enough...
>>47477568
Hm, nope. But I'm willing to try.
>>47477581
Eh, just gives me free time to do other things.
Like help other people.
>>47477581
Now, do you have any idea who's responsible for our oversized drake zombie terrorising the countryside instead of guarding the corpse storage?
>>47477600
Excellent, we could always use a couple of extra hands. Just keep in mind that when something is cursed in Tenebrus then it's usually not just stories.
>>47477600
Of course it does.
>>47477636
Uh, probably Angragath. Or Craig.
>>47477663
Students?
>SUDDENLY A BIG ASS SNEK BURSTS OUT OF THE GROUND AND EATS A MAGE
HISSSSSSSSSSSSS!
>>47477697
This right here, this is why we can't have evil things.
>grabs his staff
Darn bloody shame too, I would have loved to burn down more druid forests.
>>47477636
Of course. What's it cursed with?
>>47477663
Yep. So if you need any help with something, just ask.
>>47477697
Hm, that's a big snake.
>>47477677
I thought they were trustworthy!
>>47477697
>Stares
That's... not surprising.
Fucking Druids.
>>47477722
I'll make sure to.
Rolled 20 (1d20)
>>47477721
>HISSSSSSSSSSS
>>47477728
>HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
>>47477722
>FOR YOU
>IT ATTEMPTS TO EAT GLUG IN A WAY THAT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE ITS SCREAMING "GET IN MY BELLY"
>>47477722
It's all different things, depends on which one you want to start with. Now perhaps we should focus at the problem at hand; We have a giant mage eating snake in the meeting hall, what do we do about it?
>>47477728
They are students they... fine, fine, you know your students. Now what do we do about the snake?
>>47477751
...that's a very effective snake.
Rolled 3 (1d20)
>>47477751
>Futily tries to dodge
>>47477751
WHO BROUGHT THE GIANT FUCKING SNAKE HERE!?!
>>47477793
The druids did, it's why we are having this meeting, do try to keep up. Do you have any suggestions how to deal with it? Or should I just throw my departments over funded army at it?
Rolled 13 (1d20)
>>47477777
I dunno, throw skeletons at it?
>>47477751
>Speaking of, a pair of skeletons tackle the snake and try to wrestle it to the ground
>>47477809
What ELSE DO YOU USE A GIANT ARMY OF UNDEAD FOR!?! SEX?
>>47477814
While effective at getting the job done it would be a terribly cost inefficient, and apparently my spending has been brought into question so I'm going to await further suggestions.
>>47477836
Of course not, what do you take me for. Even if I were so deviant as to have such desires I'm a happily married man.
I'll be right back with the army.
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>47477781
>GET EATEN, NERD
>>47477777
>Thats right
>>47477793
HISSSSSSSSSSSSS!
>>47477814
>The Snake attempts to RKO the skellingtons
>>47477861
Well...
>>47477866
I see what you mean
>The skeletons bounce
>And roll
>Everywhere
>They fell apart
>Veilhex sighs
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>47477866
>Glug creates a curved blade of crystallized sun ooze and tries to cut his way out like some sort of Sword and Sorcery character
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>47477866
>clatter angrily and charges
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>47477866
>Would harshly smack the snake on its head, attempting to intimidate it into calming down
HEY! Don't you hiss at me because your owners left you here without any food! You cough up the wizard you ate right now, or no treats later!
Rolled 6, 19, 1 = 26 (3d20)
>>47477884
>GET BTFO
>>47477902
>1ST ROLL, ATTEMPTS TO GUSH DISGUSTING STOMACH LIQUIDS ALL OVER GLUG TO STOP HIM
>>47477927
>2ND ROLL, ATTEMPTS TO TAILWHIP THE FUCKERS
>>47477933
>3RD ROLL, COUNTER INTIMIDATE
>>47477981
>Damn, so close
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>47477981
>Fucking Druids
>Rolling to hate the snake into submission
>>47477981
>half of the squad gets smashed, the other half falls back and waits for more undead to arrive
>>47477981
>He'd harshly smack the snakes mouth in retaliation
BAD! Stop that! Cough up the wizard and go lay down!
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>47477981
>>47478035
>>47478005
>FAILS SO HARD AT COUNTER INTIMIDATING THAT IT GETS SUPER INTIMIDATED
>>47477995
>YOU ARE NOW DROWNING IN STOMACH FLUIDS
>>47478010
>HUE
>THE SNEK DOES NOT COUGH OUT THE LIZARD, THOUGH IT IS SCARED
>INSTEAD IT ATTEMPTS TO AWAKEN THE SLITHERING HORDE
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>47478067
>attempts to put down the slithering horde
>>47478067
Hey! What did I just say!? Cough him up or no treats!
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>47478067
>Glug transforms inside of the snake and tries to tear his way out again, immune to acids and poisons now
Rolled 3 (1d20)
>>47478067
>Rolling to glare the snake into coughing up Glug
>>47478110
>He'd look over at the necromancer glaring at the giant. The look on his face more like that of a small child trying to scare the family dog
Wow... you do realize being a necromancer doesnt automatically make you scary right...?
Rolled 5, 10 = 15 (2d20)
>>47478086
>>47478104
>>47478110
>>47478074
>2 ROLLS
>1ST IS HISSING SMALLER SNEKS VS SKELLINGTONS
>2ND IS TO RESIST THE COMBINED 12 AND CONTINUE TO SPEW DISGUSTING FLUIDS ALL OVER GLUG, WHILE PREPARING TO DEFECATE
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>47478153
>third squad moves in against the smaller sneks
>>47478153
>>47478161
>the horde is put down
>the snake hisses as stomach fluids spew all over the hall, and then its blood and guts spew out as well
>glug is free
>and you killed a giant snek
>you monster
>>47478141
...
Dammit, I thought that was pretty good.
>>47478153
>>47478170
>Stares at the spewed guts of the snake
Fucking druids.
>>47478170
>victorious, the undead army retreats back into the basement of the guild
>>47478170
>Tearing out of the snake doesn't seem to be the mage it swallowed
>The warrior wears a suit of smooth green armor with a black underlayer.
> The armor is composed of a chestplate, shoulder pads, gauntlets, boots, and a strange helmet resembling a krakens head with acid dripping from it.
>>47478189
. . .I'm in the mood for some more now.
>>47478170
Finally that's over.
>looks at the giant corpse
I'll take that back to the necromancy department after this meeting is done unless there are any objections to that.
>>47478189
Fucking druids.
Now, what were we talking about before the snake attack interrupted us?
>>47478218
If you want to fight more druids and their creatures, then I could give you a map.
>>47476439
I've brought coffee and pastries. Feel free to help yourself to them
>>47478252
Thank you Mortimer. Just what we need after a scuffle like this.
>>47478189
>With a sigh, Brell would use the power of water and wind, to make an ice bust of what the necromancer had looked like (approximately)
Yeah... not really...
>>47478218
More... snake fighting?
>>47478244
I believe killing snakes.
>>47478252
Thank you, Mort.
>Takes a coffee
>>47478244
Give it here.
>>47478252
Hey Mort.
>>47478276
Yes.
>>47478276
I think we just accomplished that. What's the next issue?
>>47478275
You seem to keep up with current events, any problems you can recall that we could argue about?
>>47478286
>gives him the map
Happy hunting.
>suddenly a fat kid
>with a immature, squeaky girl voice
>he's also wearing dirty robes
That wizard was by me, Mitch!
>someone in the background screams "THE BITCH!"
S-Shut up Rachel!
>>47478275
>Stares
Gods, did I actually look like that?
>Laughs
>>47478286
I... why?
>>47478307
I dunno. Druids?
>>47478252
>Brell would grab a glazed pastrie
Thanks Morti! If not for you and the buremancers, I doubt this place would be still running
>>47478244
And no you are not taking it with you! I've got an idea for my next class tomorrow, that involves the corpse. Also I'm gonna use some of it for lunch
>>47478307
Thanks.
>>47478311
Mitch, go back to your hole before I throw the golem's head at you again.
>>47478315
A bit of... stress relief.
>>47478270
What scuffle?
>>47478276
>>47478286
Any time
>>47478335
Don't call me Morti
>>47478311
Welcome to the meeting, and congratulations on not being eaten by snakes on your way here.
>>47478315
I think we have firmly established we hate them, can we do anything about them? I would suggest burning down all their forests, but I had my pay cut last time I did something like that.
>>47478335
Could I have the skeleton once you're done with it? It might be very non-standard to raise monster snakes, but bones are bones.
>>47478349
No it is I who should thank you for taking the fight to them.
>>47478379
A giant snake broke into the meeting hall and ate Gluglobul, he got better.
>>47478307
Well, I think I heard something about Antruthius giving away a free succubus to anybody who could beat his champion at match of fourth dimensional wizardy arm wrestling? I also heard something about someone sticking something they shouldn't have into the staff of many holes.
>>47478315
No offense, but your one eye brow hasn't yet lowered from that face you madr
>>47478388
>Weary sigh of resignation
Of course it did
Rolled 18 (1d20)
>>47478349
F-Fuck you, i'm a wizard! I-I'll zoop you into a card or..something! That's right, get scared!
>r..roll for intimidation
>..thats right, a ugly fat kid is trying to intimidate you
>>47478388
Y..Yeah, you should give up your staff now while you have the chance!
>sweat beads
>>47478349
I see.
>>47478388
We could send zombies to steal their stuff?
>>47478397
>His eyebrow lowers
>>47478404
Do you know actual magic?
>>47478307
I also heard the sculptomacers have been making both magical monster girls and magical undead
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>47478404
>Glug tries not to get "intimidated"
Mitch, it's me. The big, tall sea-elf that threw Granitori's head at you.
>>47478444
>Fucking bullshit rng
>There is literally no reason should be scared of Mitch
>>47478404
>Shoves obese adolescent to the side as he strides into the room
Forget all this snake business! Which one of you bathrobe wearing n'wah faggots killed my succubus! I needed it for.."research".
>>47478470
Have you checked with Antruthius? He might have killed/cloned her?
>>47478487
Probably, I wouldn't put it past him. Where's that swit anyways?
>>47478397
No one is going to beat his champion any time soon, what's this about the staff of many holes? Did it break, or did whatever they stuck in there get stuck?
>>47478400
It's dead now, and Gluglobul is fine, so we're mostly just grumbling about the druids that sent it and ruined a perfectly good dinner table.
>>47478404
I think I'll pass on that, come back in a century or so and we'll talk.
>>47478418
Petty, but simple enough. Just make sure you send the low quality ones so we don't suffer any big losses if they gets destroyed.
>>47478431
Really? I thought they were still just theorizing about those.
>>47478470
While I hold no love for demons and devils I swear I'm innocent in this.
Rolled 3 (1d20)
>>47478467
>>47478444
>...
>you know what, lets just act like he had a -16 to mitch's roll
Don't m-mention that dumb golem!
I'm the greatest around!
>>47478418
Yes. B-Behold!
>attempts to cast magic missile on veilhex
>if anything is under a 18, mitch hits himself in the face
>>47478510
Ok Lazarus
>>47478515
>oh, thats below a 5
>ok then well this happens
>mitch gets hit in the face and sent flying out the window as he is hit
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
>plomp
>>47478515
. . .I'm out of here.
>Glug goes off to RIP AND TEAR giant animals
>>47478526
ha, Like a bitch
>>47478510
>He'd simply shrug
A little of column A, a little of column B.
As for his champion, apparently Some tubby kid named "bitch"? "Ditch"? beat him?
>>47478510
I can do that.
>>47478515
>>47478526
>Chuckles at the misfortune
>>47478508
He was here when the meeting started, but he usually makes himself scarce pretty quickly.
>>47478517
Any problems among the staff that we should know about?
>>47478538
Best of luck to you. The best of luck.
>>47478544
Sounds like someone cheated, which of course is how the game should be played.
>>47478556
Let me know how it goes.
>>47478510
Also, apparently when the staff broke yesterday, it shot out some spell that blew up half the chrominance department, a 1/12th of the divination department, and a 1/17th of the necromancy department. But I'm sure you heard about that
>>47478586
None that I can currently think of
>>47478599
So that's what that was. Haven't had time to find out who was behind that incident. Though I have to say, I'm surprised we still have a chrominance department, haven't heard from them in years.
>>47478601
Well, I thought I would ask.
>>47478586
>Nods
>>47478599
>Stares
What.
>>47478586
Eh, can't say I've played it. Normally if I do those sorts of games, its gotta be magic missile roulette
>>47478599
>>47478642
DID SOMEONE SAY
MAGIC MISSILE?!
>>47478635
Yeah. Someone broke the famed "staff of many holes" by well... plugging a hole with a sausage... so to speak...
>>47478632
Sorry, I meant to say Chronomancy department
>>47478649
>Walks in with a gun
Did someone need magic missile cast?
>>47478642
I tend to avoid such games, just because I'm able to come back from the dead, it doesn't also mean I enjoy dying. Death is very bothersome.
>>47478668
Oh. Well I can't imagine they are very happy about it then.
>>47478672
You're a couple of minutes late.
>>47478668
DO IT!
>MAGIC MISSILE STANCE
>POWER MOVE
>>47478668
>Stares
I need to go check on something. I'll be right back
>Quickly scurries out
Rolled 13 (1d20)
>>47478586
>Inhales deeply
You know what? Fuck it, I'll just summon 3,672 MORE succubusses so that I never run out.
>opens a massive portal into the Abyss in the middle of the meeting hall
>>47478733
>mfw
>>47478733
Damnit Helsen! No portals in the meeting hall!
>>47478728
What was that about?
>>47478709
Honestly, it's more about developing the speed, and skills to avoid getting hit. The students love it... up until they get hit in the face
>>47478733
WHAT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
YOU ABSOOLLUUTEE MADMAN!
>>47478804
I see. Well I too practice such skills from time to time. And with the portal Helsen opened this looks like a good opportunity to put them to use.
>nopes out of the meeting hall
>>47478801
>>47478771
>>47478809
>>47478834
>Cackles madly as demons pour out of the portal, murder-rapeing EVERYTHING
>>47478846
>everything?
>including Helsen I assume then?
>skeletons move in to contain the incident and keep demons to the meeting hall
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>47478846
BACK AWAY, FOUL DAEMONS! YOU ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF THE GREATEST MAGICAL USER IN THE LANDS!
>ELECTRICITY SPARKS ALL OVER
>ATTEMPTS TO ELECTRIC REPULSE A HUNDRED OF THE SUCCUBI
>>47478874
ASSIST ME, MORTAL SKELETONS!
>Someone's calling the guild
>Dare you answer?
>>47478884
>seems to settle for keeping any demons from leaving
>>47478915
>answers while electric repulsing
Helllooo?~
I'd like to point out that hugging magical snakes is a bad idea. That is all.
>>47476439
Where the Cheetos, mang?
>>47478977
Hello, this is Azathool, you're friendly telemarketer from the island of Adytum.
It seems the Mages Guild has a massive incursion of abyssal energies.
To solve this problem, please repeat the following words:
Mutadearp Ni Mussyba.
>>47479063
>is ripping and tearing through daemons
UH..MUTADEARP NI MUSSYBA!
CAN I ALSO GET A PERSONAL SUCCUBUS, ONE THAT WONT MURDERFUCK EVERYTHING?
>>47479030
>ABYSS SUCCUBUS
>ABYSS SUCCUBUS EVERYWHERE-
RIGHT THERE ON THE TABLE!
>>47478993
NO SHIIITT!
>Blows a succubus' brains out
>Finally quites down as he casts a anti-demon ward on himeself
Oh, man. This is WAY better than I thought it would be. I'm just going to sit back and watch.
>Conjures up a chair and bucket of popcorn
>>47479114
Sorry, that is not one of the services we provide.
Enjoy your anti-abyssal defense systems and if you have further questions please refer to the local representative, Gluglobul Belagapi, for more details. Goodbye.
>The person hangs up
>And all across the surfaces of the guilds, giant green beaks appear with blue tentacles surrounding them, grabbing up several demons and eating them
>They also open wide and grab demons with giant, purple, frog-like tongues
Rolled 18, 12 = 30 (2d20)
>>47479185
NO!
THEY ARE MINE TO MURDER!
MINE!
>ATTEMPTS TO CAST LIGHTNING SPEARS ALL OVER BEFORE THE DAMN THING MURDERS ALL OF THEM
>2ND ROLL ISTo save a succubus for himself huehuehue
Rolled 10 (1d20)
>>47479213
>Rolling to resist
>Diana stares at the scene and just sighs.
Should I ask about what unholy hell caused this, or just get to sealing? I'm thinking sealing.
>>47479234
>Congratulations, the bird maws retreat into the guild building
>There are still several demons left that the maws did not eat
>>47479234
>>47479249
>POINTS HIS ELECTRIFIED FINGER AT THE 7 SUCCUBUS
YOU ARE NOW MY SERVANTS, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
>Has blood and guts covering him and his gem is completely red
>>47479236
>she walked in as granitori and the maws finished slaughtering over 3000 succubus
>>47479134
YOU!
YOU DONT GET ANY SUCCUBUS!
>>47479236
>Brell would sigh
Don't bother. This is just a typical day at the office
>>47479276
>>47479290
...
Right. I'm gonna get to work on checking things and cleanup.
>>47479334
AAHHH!
THAT FELT WONDERFUL!
>>47479334
That's probably the best idea I've heard all day!
>>47479276
It's SUCCUBI, you kwama brained toaster!
Rolled 12 (1d20)
>>47479504
YOU CAUSED THIS!
>LIGHTNING BOLT TO THE FACE
>awakens from mead soaked stupor
>amidst musty tomes and arcane curios
Ohhhh... my. What on blessed earth is all that noise outside?
>washes face
>combs beard
>steps out to investigate
>>47479588
>there are blood and guts all over, with thousands of bodies of dead succubi all over as well
>and standing in the center of the flood of red is granitori, with 7 succubi trembling before him
HELLO!
>image is here: >>47478649
>Lurco walks in with a long scar wrapping around his head from the corners of his mouth
>>47479650
. . .Seems like wherever I go there is no escaping the sight of gore today.
What's going on now?
>>47479697
I MURDERED
ALL THE MURDERFUCKERS!
>LAUGHS MANIACALLY
>>47479739
Wait, this was unprovoked murder?
And what about those seven?
>>47479747
UNPROVOKED? TWAS CLEARLY PROVOKED! APPROXIMATELY 3,672 SUCCUBI WERE SUMMONED THROUGH A ABYSSAL PORTAL! I, WITH THE HELP OF FRIENDLY SKELETONS, HAD TO MURDER MY WAY THROUGH ALL OF THEM!
AND IT
FELT
AMAZING!
ALSO I GOT SLAVES NOW!
>they continue to tremble in terror
>>47479801
Oh wel- slaves?
. . .Sorry, but I cannot permit that.
>Summons a psionic warblade
Freedom is the right of all sentient beings, and slavery denies them that right.
Relinquish them or taste my blade.
>>47479650
Ah, good den to you as well. Succubi eh? Is assistance required?
>frost begins to waft from the Northern wizard
>>47479836
...
>gives you the bitch please look
I JUST SLAUGHTERD 3,672 SUCCUBI.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO THAT THEN I AM LEGITIMATELY WORRIED ABOUT THE STATE OF YOUR WELL BEING.
>>47479840
I AM FINE, AS I, GRANITORI, MASTER OF LIGHTNING AND FIRE, HAVE SUCCESSFULLY OBTAINED 7 SERVANTS!
>much nicer and quieter voice
also please tell this man here to not try and kill me.
>>47479892
Mm, well, I have little desire or reason to hinder the esteemed gentleman in doing as he wishes. I for one would prefer you simply banished those succibi to the pits of Tartarus, or else removed them from existence altogether.
>>47479892
I have faced worse in the many years of my life.
Though I have lost my power, I will never abandon my ideals and morals.
. . .Just now you called them servants. Slaves or servants, pick one.
>>47479939
To succubi, the distinction is mostly meaningless.
>Suddenly, a well-dressed succubus with glasses is standing next to him
>She was not there a second ago
>>47479892
We will, however, be keeping a close eye on him to ensure they are properly cared for. Golems cannot feed succubi the traditional way, after all.
>>47479981
Hm, well then.
Wait, you are actually letting him enslave them!?
>He points his blade at the golem
>>47479930
BUT-
>>47479939
.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME-
>>47479981
..WHAT?
>One of the succubus look up
Random Enslaved Succubus: Wait, I know that woman!
>>47480014
That's what I would like to say!
>>47479939
Lurco, can you let it go, just for now? The guild is saved, thanks in large part to him from what I understand. He gets a pass this once.
>>47479981
>lightning surges slightly about his form
>adjusts grip on staffno not like that you pervs
>>47480007
Slavery, servitude, generally most are just happy for a chance to get fed and get out of the abyss. Until some adventurer comes along and sends them back.
>>47480014
Hello again!
And we will, indeed, be keeping an eye on you. Succbi welfare is very important to us.
>>47480062
>Ignores the lightning man
>>47480054
Are you saying slavery is to be permitted!?
>>47480070
I...
>Sighs and makes his blade disappear
If that is how your species does things, being in servitude to beings and having their free will taken away, then it is ultimately their choice and I will not interfere.
>>47480093
I am saying that slavery and servitude are incredibly similar, and that we assume he means the latter when he mistakenly used the former. There's also the fact that they don't seem to mind all that much.
>>47480070
>observes the demon with great caution
>>47480014
>and tries to get a read on what the golem will do
>>47480108
Yes, I have already been explained that.
No need to drive it in, Diana.
>>47480122
Not tryin' to drive it in. Just saying.
>The ritualist nods and goes back to working to repair the rifts that got left behind - there are always a few that get missed.
>>47480039
>>47480070
>>47480116
..
OK UH.
DO I HAVE TO SIGN SOMETHING?
Random Succubus: Why are you letting this happen?!
>>47480156
Wait, do you seven NOT want to serve this golem?
>>47480093
Anything's better than being stuck hungry in the abyss, for most of us.
>>47480116
>Seems perfectly happy to just talk
>Are you ignoring the 7 succubi the golem enslaved?
>>47480156
Look, it's this or the abyss. I could take you home, if you're unhappy with him.
Also, yes, there's... Exactly six hundred and sixty-six thousand, six hundred and sixteen separate forms for you to sign.
>>47480156
I'm still not dead, you know. Although that lightning bolt DID hurt.
>>47480185
(OOC: i actually was just to busy playing vidya to reply to the thread tho lol)
>>47480156
>relaxes a bit
>goes back inside to return to his study
I shall be glad when the time comes to quit this guild of lunatics...
>>47480183
>so long as they are not engaging in any mischief, he cares naught what their fate is, though he would rather see them banished or destroyed
>>47480185
>>47480209
>kek
I'M GOING TO SHOCK YOU MORE IF YOU DO NOT GO AWAY!
>>47480170
>They look around
>they dont know what to say
>3 look confused
>3 look terrified of this entire situation
>and the last one just shrugs
>>47480183
I will sign these forms!
>looks at the succubutts
AND THEN, YOU WILL ALL TREMBLE BEFORE ME!
Scared Succubus: W-What will you do?!
I...
WILL...
>DRAMATIC TENSION
>>47480218
GOOD DAY, NORDIC INFERIOR WIZARD!
![1462835317283[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/UNwYW9C.jpg "1462835317283[1].jpg")
>>47480218
Oh, you won't have to worry about that.
>Hannah adjusts a sign on the wall, appropriately enough saying "Don't forget, you're here forever"
>>47480183
I see. Still, can they not stay in some cities and offer there services to those who need them?
MUST they go back to the Abyss? And is there not a layer of the Abyss for succubi?
>>47480281
What WILL you do?
>>47480281
>>47480305
ANSWER THE QUESTION, TOASTER.
>>47480281
Oh, yes, that's per-succubus, by the way.
>Looks at the three scared ones
Would you three like to come back with me?
>>47480305
There is. But we hardly get any of the tasty damned. Or many at all.
And besides, who'd hire a succubus in a city when they could have regular women?
>>47480281
Yes, yes, I am one of the few of my kind who does not wave massive hunks of steel over his head and crush foes to dust, hence, my capabilities are in some ways limited. Nonetheless there is no call for such statements, I wish you the joy of your... harem...
>>47480287
>mutters
Damnation...
>>47480326
. . .What do you mean regular women?
>>47480319
>>47480305
>>47480342
HAREM....?
NO, NO I DON'T WANT A HAREM AT ALL. WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING, MEATBAGS? I SIMPLY WILL
>suddenly very logical and nice voice
let them venture throughout the guild while occasionally giving them duties and keep them in tidy condition, while checking up on them every 24 hours like a logical golem, unlike any of you meatbags, would do.
..WHAT? DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO BEAT THEM OR SOMETHING EVEN MORE VILE? NO, ONLY INFERIOR, DISGUSTING, NOT-NEARLY-AS-GRAND MEATBAGS LIKE YOURSELVES DO THAT. IF YOU WANT A SLAVE, YOU KEEP THEM IN PRISTINE CONDITION AND TREAT THEM FAIRLY TO GET THEM TO WORK.
>>47480326
THAT AMOUNT IS ABSURD!
>>47480415
. . .Really?
>His eyebrows are raised and he looks impressed
Well alright then.
>Lurco looks at the Succubi
Are the lot of you alright with that?
>>47480415
Just have some unseen servants sign them all. that'll go MUCH faster.
>>47480365
What do you.. think Succubi do?
>Confused eyebrow raise
>>47480415
We take the safety and security of our succubi very seriously, sir.
>>47480496
That would not be legally binding or hold up in court.
*broods in the corner*
>>47480287
Huh... always wondered what that sign said...
>>47480342
It could be worse.
>>47480524
I know exactly what Succubi do, but are you implying that makes your kind not normal?
>>47480538
>Notices out of the corner of his eye
Excuse me, are you alright?
>>47480549
After probably being murder-raped by 3,672 succubi? not likely.
>>47480491
Random Succubus: Uh..actually..i'm kinda surprised. Sure..?
>>47480496
>>47480524
...ALRIGHT THEN!
>>47480564
But did they really do that?
>>47480569
I see. Well then, it is your decision.
Though I would like to think of this as some sort of maid service.
>>47480592
Yes, yes they did. Were you not paying attention?
>>47480549
Generally, being from the abyss. You'd be hard pressed to find people on this plane who consider us normal.
Though I appreciate your consideration, sir. I'll take a note of your views on succubi, in case it ever becomes relevant.
>>47480569
Well, if all of them wish to remain with you... Any who don't, please move behind me.
>>47480549
*raises his head slightly*
This council has become weak at my passing. Your heads are sndisckvosjxbrr in the clouds that you do not notice the rackabgisldhuuffurr below you.
*stands up*
Come back down and fudncislalfitjgk to earth and walk on two feet again. There, you will find jwnalslslssivjfekxjcn destiny .
*disappears into the mist, bringing with him some cider and some of the choice cuts. All that's left are some crumbs and a few drops.*
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>47480614
Wait a second, when did we, as wizards, start caring about what government officials say? More importantly, when did the Abyss get a government!?
REVEAL THEY TRUE FACE, IMPOSTER!
>casts zone of truth
>>47480543
Welp, now you know.
>Hannah's pager goes off.
Shit, gotta run - some genius tried stapling an owlbear to a werebear. later!
>>47480592
MAIDS ARE FETISHISTIC MEATBAGS! I DO NOT HAVE FETISHES!
>>47480614
>They dont move
>one shrugs
>>47480612
Well, I was not around for that.
When I showed up they were all already murdered except for the seven that shall now serve the golem.
>>47480614
Alright. Ah, but I think I should let you know that I come from another world and despite my appearance I am not human.
It is probably the reason for my differing views.
>>47480626
. . .I'm not even part of the Mages Guild.
>>47480672
. . .Which kinds of fetishes are you talking about?
The spiritualistic kind of fetishes?
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>47480651
>Roll to resist pathetic zone of truth
>>47480672
Very well.
>Seven large stacks of forms appear in front of Granitori
Make sure to read and sign each and every form. Personally, no using magic to speed the process up to do it for you.
>>47480705
Your status as being from another world is also noted.
>>47480705
SEXUAL!
>>47480720
RIGHT!
NOW BEGONE, DAEMON!
>>47480720
Alright. I wouldn't want to create any misconceptions.
The name is Lurco by the way.
>He holds out a hand to shake
>>47480783
Ah.
Now see, they're only sexual if you think of them as sexual.
So you need to get your mind out of the gutter.
Rolled 2 (1d20)
>>47480720
>>47480783
YEAH, FUCK OFF!
>Casts BANISH
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>47480783
No, I'm going to remain, until you have completed signing all of them. Also, you are signing forms for the sake of having 7 personal daemons. Sir, do you have room to talk?
>>47480800
>Curtly shakes his hand
Pleased to meet you. It's good to see Lurco was replaced by a far more reasonable man.
>>47480808
>Roll to not be banished
>>47480800
NEVER! ALL MY MANGAS TELL ME MY KNOWLEDGE!
>>47480808
>>47480854
WHY?!
WHY CANT YOU JUST COME BACK IN 12 HOURS? ITS GOING TO BE A WHILE BEFORE I FINISH.
>>47480854
Nice to meet you as well. Also, it's good to hear someone thinks me reasonable.
>>47480808
>He rubs the scar on his cheeks
Hey, you. Do you have some numbing ointment that I can borrow?
>>47480958
. . .What's your favorite comic?
>>47480958
I need to ensure you sign them all personally.
>>47480966
Well, you don't eat us anymore.
That's an appreciable quality.
>>47480966
No, sadly i used the last of mine last night for...things...
>>47480994
TOO MANY TO COUNT!
>>47481003
...
FINE!
STAND AWAY FROM ME, 36 FEET, AT LEAST.
>>47481003
Yeah. I heard about that.
>Shakes his head
It's a shame how timelines can take such turns for the worse.
>>47481014
. . .I'm going to assume you mean that those things are just secretive and not things of a sexual nature.
>>47481084
Alright.
>>47481084
WHOA, TOASTER. Everyone knoews it is the law of the Guide to measure ALL distances in units of 5 FEET ONLY. None of this "36 feet" crap.
>>47481084
>Stands exactly 36 feet away from him
>Stares at him intently to insure he doesn't cheat or break the rules
>>47481105
It is. We lived with it.
>>47481142
I know that it won't make things better, but still, I'm sorry.
Are you sure you are fine waiting here for so long?
>>47481105
YES!
>>47481128
TOO BAD!
>>47481142
>Starts signing
>and signing
>signs really quickly
>luckily has 4 arms
>>47481188
Absolutely, I've got nothing better to do. I was assigned to these 7, and I will make sure they are properly cared for.
And your apology is noted.
>>47481239
>Watches him sign
>>47481258
>this is going to be a while
>>47481258
I see. Well if you are going to be here for a while would you like something to ea-
. . .Never mind.
>>47481302
>It is
>She has time
>>47481304
Are you suggesting what it sounds like you are suggesting, sir?
>>47481318
No, I, uh, I d-didn't mean it like that.
. . .I just, I was going to, um, offer like, muffins, or something, not-
Please, forget about it.
>>47481318
>10 hours later...
AM I DONE NOW?!
>>47481350
Very well, sir.
>>47481446
With the paperwork, yes. However, there is still an initial inspection of the location which you will be keeping the succubi in, as well as regular inspections to ensure they are being treated properly. Would you like to get that first inspection done now, sir?
>>47481473
THIS IS BULLSHIT, NO IM NOT DOING IT NOW, GET OUT!
>>47481473
>Lurco doesn't say anything in return, keeping silent for the entire time
>>47481500
It's done?
>He speaks up
>>47481500
Want some help frying this bitch, toaster? I'd be more than happy to help.
>>47481500
>Takes a single step backwards
I'm afraid I can't leave until it is done. I will wait outside the room for you, sir, until you are ready.
>Quickly walks out of the room
>Will ambush him when he leaves the guild hall, no matter which exit he uses
>>47481527
Eh?
>>47481537
Wait, I think you're in danger!
Oh man, I have a bad feeling...
>>47481537
>all the succubi collectively go "Uggghhh"
Random Succubus: Can we please be done already?!
>>47481527
GO AHAED, THIS IS TOTALLY ABSURD.
>>47481537
GO AWAY.
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>47481608
>summons 3,672 snakes inside the succubus welfare caseworker's bodie
Well, NOW IT IS TIME!
COME WITH ME MY NEW SLAVES! WE GO TO MY SANCTUM! THE ARCHIVES!
>GO TO THE ARCHIVES LOSERS
>http://desustorage.org/tg/thread/47476439
>http://desustorage.org/tg/last/100/47476439
