>A Lovers' quarrel is happening in your party
>Only you can solve it
How do you do it? Me is pic related.
>>47154363
Move on to another party.
>>47154363
Kill the guy I like the least.
>>47154363
Clone spells exist for a reason
Kill one of the offending parties if things get out of hand, the instigator at the time if possible.
Otherwise let them solve their own problems.
>>47154363
>Be mercenary trying to support my gun addiction
>Implying I give a shit about a tart and her jealous boy toys
>When I'm trying to get them sweet sweet Lugers and Mausers
>>47154363
Tell them to stop that nonsense, we got a BBEG to kill.
>>47154363
Terminate both of them, they're obviously lacking in loyalty to Friend Computer
>>47154363
>>47154363
Give them a Judgment of Solomon
The one who loves her the least must step down, obviously they'll both claim that they love her, so warn them that cutting the woman in half since is the only way out of this problem.
the one who backs down first is the one who loves her the most.
>>47157202
so warn them that cutting the woman in half is the only way out of this problem*
Sorry, had to fix that
>>47154363
That's pretty much how our party is solving ours, given our GM throws waifus at us like zombies in a necromancer's castle. The problem is getting them to accept the option and being able to RP it as being devoted to both.
>>47154380
That's no fun.
>>47154363
consult the parliament of gods. they then decide the most blasphemous among them. Then I A. sit down and have a long chat about life choices with him whilst burning calming/purifying incense & preforming several forgiveness rituals or B. hit him with a flail until he repents
>>47154363
>How do you do it?
Kill their shared object of affection through no fault of either belligerent, but rather at the hand of a mustache-twirlingly evil third party. With this, I unite my party members against a common enemy, and let them grieve together for their equal losses.
>>47154363
Kill them all because they are obviously just cultists trying to lure people in so they can become a blood sacrifice to whatever unspeakable horror they all worship.
>>47154363
Tell them to shut the fuck up and deal with their hormones like adults.
If I'm the target of affection, I either leave or we make an arrangement to keep the peace until the great evil is defeated.
>>47154363
>solve it
Don't join eRPGs. That shit's just nasty.
If I want a game where players fuck each other, I'll play Munchkin.
>>47154601
>gun addiction
That is the most 'murican thing I've ever read.
"I'm not gun crazy, I have a disease!"
>>47154363
> deal with their hormones
He said love quarrel, not lust quarrel, it's a little more complicated.
>>47165436
Finally, someone who gets me.
Our party consists of;
One ex-slave Fighter who loves us all as siblings, including the Witch.
One Ranger who we think is asexual and has shown no romantic overtones towards anyone.
One Witch, fuctionally a Druid, who hates all our guts with passion and sticks with us solely because of loyalty to us and an oath she made to help us.
And the Cleric, Bard and Wizard who are all married together and see the party as pretty much family, including the Witch.
Any lovers' quarrel would be between them and as I'm playing the Cleric, it'll end with us having a full argument that becomes a fight that'll end with angry cuddling and passive-agressive silent treatments over the next day or two.
Like last time.
>Be Paladin.
>Try to mediate the conflict.
>Get told off because I pretty much raped my wife pregnant so she was forced to marry me.
>Explain that she was an Untouchable and by marriage she had been elevated into Nobility.
>They laugh and tell me she's been cucking me with everyone back home out of spite.
> Deny this but I know this is true.
>Storm off in anger.
>Watch the Harpy that's been stalking us as she flies around.
>Secretly wonder if Harpies can join the Noble Class.Turns out that yes, Harpies can become Nobility.
>>47154363
That's what happent last time
>Kill the loved one
>Party members gang up to kill me
>Players can't use tactics for shit so they get whipped
>take all their stuff
>Go on quest alone
>Return victorious
>Reveal I never killed the loved one and am now going to marry her
>>47169080
You're awful!You sly bastard. Doing this soon.
>>47168942
Everything about this post only leaves me with more questions.
The biggest, however, is why did your paladin rape someone?
>>47157202
>>47157232
Then cut the woman in half anyways.
>>47154363
You know it's not gay if it's a three way
If there is a girl in the middle its A Ok
>>47172418
The main reason is simple, I'm playing an utter arsehole of a Paladin.
Their order is next to non-existent and their god is so removed from mortal affairs that short of complete blasphemy, they could probably get away with anything.
The Nobility of the kingdom are two-faced individuals playing an impotent political game that the party needed an 'in' with, my Paladin wanted an heir and the lady in question, despite being part of the Untouchable caste, had caught their eye.
It wasn't forced, persay, but extorted sex. She was given a choice that was simply to good to refuse regardless of what it entailed. She became rich and a Noble and she could bring her own family to live in my mansion.
At least that's what I keep saying to myself to justify it.
My child was a girl, screwing up my dreams of an heir and my wife keeps sleeping around to ruin my name and fuck up the political angle for the party.
Then the icing on the cake had my god finally take interest in my actions and call me out on everything.
I didn't fall but that was an official warning.
Since then I've tried to patch things with my wife and was told in no uncertain terms that as long as I stay away from her she'll stop screwing everything that has two legs.She didn't stop, and everyone knows this but I'm pretending she did.
Too much damage was done to the rest of the Nobility to really do anything so I'm mostly avoiding going home by comtinuing as a Murderhobo.
Our party ended up being stalked by a Harpy who was in the employ of our enemy, but she didn't hold any real malic towards us and so just spied on us, pulling an innocent act everytime she was caught.
I was struck with an idea to spite the Noble houses, my wife, get in sweet again with my patron by 'redeeming' an evil monster and most importantly, have sex again.
>>47176626
So now I have two wives, two daughters and a son of questional fatherhood, every Noble house hates me, my God seriously questioning my actions and I'm on a quest of penance.
But hey, I got a sweet and loyal Harpy waifu out of all of this.Then I find out my first wife had been blackmailing those she slept with and is now one of the most politically powerful ladies in the Royal Court. So even though I'm a failure of a human, my children won't find themselves stripped of land, money and holdings for my stuff-ups.
>>47176644
Sounds like everyone wins, actually
>>47176644
>questional
questionable
There's probably a lot more typos there as well, I just noticed my compy's auto spellcheck isn't working for some reason.
