>HA HA HA HA ignorant adventurer! you unwittingly imbibed deadly POISON at my royal feast earlier this evening!
>I will have mercy and grant you this LIFESAVING ANTIDOTE but only if you SLAY THE CHILDREN OF MY POLITICAL RIVALS
>AHAHA HA HA HA
W-what do, /tg/?
>>46821553
Raise an eyebrow because why the fuck would anyone think poisoning a cyborg would work, then shoot him.
>>46821606
Then tip my fedora and teleport away.
When he said "this LIFESAVING ANTIDOTE" did he actually display it?
>>46821606
Nothin personnel, king
>>46821553
Call his bluff.
Worst-case scenario, I have to reroll a new character.
>>46821553
You know we do this for hire, right? We don't even charge that much. You could have skipped all this hassle if you had just asked. Probably wouldn't have even cost you more than you spent on poison and antidotes.
>>46821621
He coyly shook the vial next to his head while he threw his head back in raucous laughter
>>46821553
I enter wereform and eat his dumb ass. Idiots who can't figure out why a feared warrior is feared belong in guts. Mine especially.
>>46821606
*teleports behind u*
"Pretty sure it would have been cheaper to just, y'know, PAY US, your majesty. Sellswords, and all that rot."
>>46821629
>to increase immersion, the DM poisoned the chip bowl and soda, and will only reveal the location of the antidote if you enter his magical realm
>>46821621
He referred to "this lifesaving antidote," so I'd assure he has it on him.
Either way he's picking a fight, so lets go!
>>46821553
I cast neutralize poison
>>46821620
I'll have you know it's a trillby.
>>46821553
What a coincidence! I cast Purify Food and Drink before I sat down to eat!
>tfw Lawful Good
>>46821631
This is obviously just how he gets his kicks.
>>46821620
>>46821628
>>46821674
You don't know what Edgy actually is, do you?
>>46821553
What the hell be "poison?"
>>46821682
Well-played, DM.
And here I was about to make a complaint thread about you on /tg/.
>>46821725
>tips Dorf
>>46821721
>You don't know what Edgy actually is, do you?
Is it "gets upset at people for making jokes"?
Because if so, you're pretty edgy.
>tfw LG Paladin
I-I guess I'll just die then, s-sir
>>46821707
>>46821811
what do you think this is? a video game? find a solution.
I'm pretty sure the optimal course of action has already been outlined.
>>46821686
So he just dangled the actual thing in front of me.
Run him through with a sword and take it. I don't think he thought this through well enough.
>>46821994
>implying the King doesn't have guards
>implying the court wizard won't fireball you if you get too close
>implying
I have my party help me grapple the king, then vomit the poisoned food from my stomach down his throat. Then we drink the antidotes and leave.
>>46821553
My character never drank it, because all of the beverages were alcoholic and thus not!haram. But he's still take the job cause why not?
>>46821553
Spoilers, the poison is ethanol
>>46821553
>"Wait, the poison takes that long to take effect? Why not just pay us?"
>"I mean, what if we accidentally drop dead in the process of killing your rival's kids because you POISONED the people you wanted to work for you?"
>mfw I'm a monk
>>46821811
"Neutralize Poison" and "Delay poison" are on your spell list, and you have a bunch of class features to boost your saves.
As for me, I stop time, summon a Leonal to cast Neutralize Poison, sleep for 8 hours, prepare a variety of power spells of powers, bring back time again, ravage the entire country, kills and destroy all that the king cared for in front of his eyes, stop time, sleep for 8 hours, prepare a variety of spells, restart time, loot the ruined kingdom and go sell all that we found in its ruins to be able to buy items of powers and magical weapons.
>>46822330
>epic wizard
>still has to sleep between castings
The important thing is that you tried.
>>46821553
"No. However, if you give me that antidote right now, I won't kill you. If you don't, then I'm going to kill you."
>"But if you kill me, you'll never get the antidote! You'll surely die!"
"I'll think of something. Or I'll die. Either way I'm not killing kids, or anyone for that matter. Except maybe you. So what's it gonna be?"
>>46821553
>go to his enemy as a friend
>tell them every little detail of the king's castle and land around it.
>ride to battle with them the next day to slaughter the king and his men
Actually, what kind of King are we talking about here? What is the state of his kingdom? I can't imagine it being very large or prosperous with his greedy attitude
>eating anything a host offers you
>falling for the polite pitfall
Looks like you were not cut out for adventuring after all.
My current character is undead, so I guess I just nonchalantly continue eating.
Play along with the kings demands for now, bide time for revenge or bringing him to justice.
It's called a plot hook, not railroading. Everyone ITT is a massive faggot power gaming munchkin.
>>46823381
Said the generalizing, shit dm sympathizer.
Passed my CON save, even if I missed poisoned status can only cause disadvantage, it doesn't inflict damage itself.
>>46821553
Kill him, take his stuff, find antidote. Rally support of nobility, declare yourself a good king.
>>46823381
Uh, no, I'm perfectly capable of ignoring plot hooks that are shit and uninteresting. In this case the king is a total moron for poisoning a group of adventurers in most systems.
Many characters are literally made to kill people in one round. Most dedicated healers can cure poison and disease. This is like, the most retarded method of getting characters to do what you want.
>>46823499
Forgot to dename myself. Glorious.
>>46821765
The dorf appreciates your tip, but he hopes you don't mind if he spends it on booze.
>>46821682
Im pretty sure I can get the same information out of him with a pair of pliers and a jar of piss.
>>46821553
>Cast Beast Shape III: Dweomercat
>Fuck the king
>take the antidote
>fuck him again for good measure
>seek Atonement because I took a level in Paladin to respect the wishes of the Paladin who died last adventure
>forget to take the poison and die
Kill the shit out of that asshole posthaste. If he's the type of person who would do this sort of thing then the chances of him planning on letting us live are slim to none so we might as well take him down with us.
>>46821672
>Idiots who can't figure out why a feared warrior is feared belong in guts. Mine especially.
Don't bring in your magical realm vorefag.
I bow, scrape, and beg him to spare me, and agree to whatever he asks.
Five minutes after we leave his throne room, I cast Neutralize Poison. Five minutes after that, we begin our new quest - kill this arrogant asshole.
Killing kids not an option, especially if it benefits the asshole who's doing this. Plus, this lunatic is likely going to pull some "final reward" ending even if we do what he wants.
Options in order of desirability, depending on feasibility in this adventure:
1. Fight through the guards right there and start beating on the king until he coughs up the antidote. Likely not possible, only if he has seriously underestimated us and is threatening people powerful enough to take his royal guards.
2. Seek out cleric/potion master/etc ally who is likely to be familiar with this poison and can get us the antidote from somewhere else. Depends on whether such an ally is available and whether the poison is unique or exists elsewhere.
3. Pretend to accept mission, instead sneak into castle later and find whoever is tasked with guarding the antidote or knows where it is. Unlikely that the king is personally holding on to it or that he is literally the only person who knows where it is kept. Risky option since we may not find it in time, but good choice if we have relevant info (i.e. he has a royal chemist we know about who likely has the antidote and will be less heavily guarded than the king himself).
4. Pretend to accept mission, instead warn politic rivals and offer to help them fuck this guy up to our last breaths. Since he is blackmailing adventurers into doing his dirty work and not having his own men do it he likely is not all-powerful, and hopes to avoid conspicuously attacking his rivals, which may imply they are strong enough to seriously threaten him. United, pissed off political rivals plus team of adventurers with nothing to lose could be enough to storm or infiltrate the castle and depose the king. Huge plus if we can do it in time to get the antidote, but if not and if other options are not possible, just try to set things in motion enough so that king ends up dead not long after we are.
>>46821553
If death should be my master's wish, I shall accept my allotted fate with joy.
>>46821886
four-man crank oneshot would be so good jesus
>>46823499
Assume the best of the DM anon. Maybe the king -is- just a moron, trying to be a great plotter like he's seen in the plays.
Lots of national leaders do immensely stupid stuff regularly. Why not go tell the King's clerk or a prominent Senator that he said this to you? Why not contact a local newspaper or announce it in court? You can make plot hooks into whatever you want, if you assume the best of the DM and guide him.
Being a powerful wizard I commend his deviousness, but mock his methods. I neutralize the poison within my body and curse his line for terrible misfortune. He has raised the ire of one such as I!
All his efforts shall be for naught, his kingdom will fall to war, divided among those of the children of his political rivals, who will go at each others throats like dogs for a broken crown.
So I say it, and say it is so!
>>46821721
Characters that people think are cool & deadly killers that other people are tired of?
>>46821606
>cyborg
You, uh, still have fleshy bits, right? That's what cyborg means?
>>46821606
>cyborg
>still susceptible to poison
>pretends to be immune
How's it like, roleplaying on Furcadia?
>>46824651
Yeah but he doesn't have a fleshy stomach necessarily. He might be the Robocop kind of cyborg that just intakes a special nutrient paste or something.
Upon first seeing King, Detect Evil.
"Oh sorry King, I'm not really hungry."
>>46821553
Probably gonna go along with it.
Basically the plot of Escape From New York and that was all pretty awesome.
>>46824749
The paste would be poisoned and served, since the King would have been sitting a cyborg down to eat.
It's kind've a moot point. If there's meat, it can rot. And when it's a cyborg, that means there's still vital organs and parts used that, if failing, would kill the cyborg.
>>46824789
What if he's not evil, but actually good, and out of options in an attempt to save the kingdom from ruinous heirs?
No evil in that.
>>46824022
The potion seller's potions are too strong for you, unfortunately.
>>46821721
>le cool Gary Stue cyborg
>not fedora
lmao
>>46824873
>agree to work for king
>talk to his political rivals, rat him out, see if they have a cure
>if no cure, break into castle at night, try to find cure
>if none of the above options work, die, make a new char
Really though, any decent GM wouldn't just give you one option. At least in the group I play with if the king pulled some shit like that, there would be other avenues to advance the story/get hands on a cure.
>>46821811
Fake the kid's death. Geez, I see why they call you guys Lawful Stupid.
>>46821553
Yeah that maid that served us? I gave her three platinum to switch our meals. Said I always wanted to feel in charge. Kudos if you poisoned your own meal.
>>46821553
>he poisoned the one guy in the group immune to poison
Feels good to be an alchemist
>>46823610
That IS the magical realm, you fool!
>>46821553
>implying the King himself & others are immune to the poison
>>46825111
>tfw no 2e-esque alchemist class in 5e
feels bad, my old alchemist was the goat PC
>>46821553
Agree, have cleric cure everyone, tell all king's political rivals about his plans, lead resulting armies against clearly evil King, probably have dramatic confrontation with said King in the burning throne room of his castle.
>>46825508
sounds like a good plot hook then and not a railroad
>>46821811
The correct answer is to use one of MANY routes available to you to neutralize the poison, and then take this guy down. He might be the king, but it's not HIS laws you follow as a Paladin, and even then, you only follow them as is appropriate to the benefit of "Good."
Would poison work on a revnant?
Also, why would the king invite a revnant to his castle?Was my first and thus far only game. Some pathfinder shit. Somehow still managed to be the least edgy character.
>>46824912
Sebastian?
>>46821553
Use my magical paladin healing powers to expunge the poison. Then, I dunno, fight the guy, I guess? May depend on other details of the situation, but yeah, quite possibly some kind of fighting.
Face it OP, poison is one of the most useless items in D&D and a DM trying to pull that and thinking it's clever deserves to get laughed at by his players.
I;ve been developing imunities to numerous over the years by ingesting them in small amounts
>>46821553
Inform him that I would have happily slain the whole family of his political rivals for showing such generosity for taking me in and feeding me, as I always look for challenge and adventure.
It will give me a chance to face off against their guards and look for treasure in their dwellings.
Rolled 1 (1d3)
>>46821553
Well my character is possessed now, and for fun I now roll dice to decide his stressed actions. A bit like the Hulk or Jekyll and Hyde to be honest.
>1, Kill and eat the King
>2, Kill and eat his rivals as commanded
>3, Lose interest in current events and run off to find a fight.
>>46829776
Just so you know for future reference, the fancy term for that is mithridatism.
>>46821553
I'm physically unable to ingest food or drink. Can I go home?
>>46825136
Obviously, once you realise that you demand the antidote for continued application of the pliers and/or jar.
>>46830136
>Rolled 1 (1d3)
Well he's fucked.
>>46821553
Why would I ever eat at another's feast?
Eugh
Anyways, shoot the king, the people cheer, I grab the antidote somewhere.
>>46821553
OH SHIT!
YOU PUT CAFFEINE IN MY FOOD?!
OH MY GOD, I CAN FEEL MY BOWEL
MOVING.
OH SHIT! OH GOD! OH SHIT ! OH GOD!
*PULLS DOWN PANTS*
YOU!
YOU EVIL BASTARD!
*KICKS THE KING TO THE GROUND*
YOU SHALL
*SITS ON HIS FACE*
SHARE
*FART NOISES COMING*
THE SUFFERING
*LITTLE BROWN DROPS*
OF PEOPLE WHO
*BIGGER DROPS*
CAN'T METABOLIZE CAFFEINE PROPERLY!
*WATERFALL*
And thus, Kendrick the Limerick and his body, drowned the plans of the king in a place, where it belonged:
In shit
>>46821553
"Ugh...drekking Johnsons keep getting weirder and weirder...at least the poison/antidote bit remains constant. Look, I'll do it, but on the condition that in addition to the antidote, you also pay me 15,000 creds.
"I know what 'yer thinkin', 'what kind of idiot demands payment from the guy who holds his life in his hands?' My answer? The idiot who knows that said guy will be blacklisted if he keeps pulling this shit without compensation. You wanna get your kicks by screwing with your rivals and possible hired hands? Fine, but for crying out loud, at least compensate us for the crap we go through. Sure, we're not cheap, but hell, if you pay us well enough, we might be willing to do buisiness with you again."
>>46821553
He admitted to poisoning you in front of other people - this is not good for reputation. Or was he alone? Just kidnap him then.
>>46830164
but that term was never used.
>>46824022
You, i like you.
8/10 would partner up
>>46821682
Okay. All of a sudden I feel INCREDIBLY motivated to murder these imaginary people, alignment be damned. If it's me or the DM's NPCs, it's going to be me.
>>46823381
A plot hook is something you don't have to take but do because it's interesting. Once you've gone down a plot hook, THEN it's acceptable to introduce a point of no return.
A way to make this an acceptable plot hook would be the players getting involved in a tangential matter, then getting a call from the king as a result of their actions.
The poison part would be there if their actions were reckless, meaning he needed a method of control (albeit a stupid one in this case), or if you foreshadowed that the guy was a controlling asshole that has a history of pulling shit like this.
Railroading is when you spring a point of no return on players with absolutely no hint of it coming, or any possible way to avoid it.
Protip; poisoning someone out of the blue is the latter.
>>46821553
So tell me if you've heard this one before but three Clerics, a Ranger and aDMPCFighter with little patience for royalty get poisoned by a King.
On the upside, we won't actually be killing him. I just don't think we would be able to fight our way out.
>>46825185
the king has antidote, Zorro
>>46821647
>>46821686
Yeah, we can pretty much just steal it. Then tell his rivals about the plot and get paid.
>>46821553
Edgily skulk away because i am a nemesis user.
>>46821553
Query1: Does POISON affect inorganic beings?
Query2: Does ANTIDOTE(LIFESAVING) affect inorganic beings?
>>46821553
Dude, I was gonna kill them anyway. Now I just have a reason to kill you first.
>wasps_are_not_your_friend.jpg
