You are browsing /tg/ as usual when suddenly, the devil appears before you and promises to grant you a wish, but you have to give him a question to which every human being's answer would be the same
What do you say?
What is the color of human blood?
>>46229718
language, you're fucked
THIS! SENTENCE! IS! FALSE!
>>46229682
Is OP a faggot?
Stab the devil. It's a question, isn't?
>>46229682
"No thanks."
>>46229682
Ok. The question, which must be asked at 40,000,000,000,000 decibels directly in the ear of any human is "Why aren't you responding to this question?"
The answer for all humans will be the same, ie null, as such a question asked at that noise will instantly kill any human asked.
The wish is that all humans go to a Heaven as desired by them when they die.
>>46229802
This is obviously the correct question
>>46229682
>What do you say?
"HOLY SHIT THE DEVIL IS IN MY HOUSE! VADE RETRO!"
Or something along those lines.
>>46229682
You're a big guy
>>46229802
The only true answer, what did you wish for anon?
Are you a human being?
>>46229874
What do you think tumblr-kin will say
>>46229682
thestupidpieceo'shitasksaquestionnow?
>>46229874
That was a bad gamble.
>>46229682
Shit son, what is up with that demon?
Bane?
>>46229902
>>46229920
You could argue that the devil won't ask them because they consider themselves to not be human beings.
>>46229833
or...don't kill them and just have the question asked verbally (no radio or telepathy, etc. allowed) while the devil is standing on Pluto.
Wish for omnipotence within the confines of logic (no paradoxes)
>>46229976
But they are human beings, just insane ones.
Since they are outright wrong in their opinion, that doesn't matter.
>>46229682
"i ask them if they're pro-skub or anti-skub
Anti-scubs are subhuman filth and dont count as human, so only humans will answer pro-scub
>>46230078
It's called skub you skub loving piece of shit.
>>46230135
Go back to africa, you third world apeman.
I bet you think electricity is bad, too
>>46230191
Electricity is a perfectly good solution to gene pool pollutants like yourself skubscum.
>>46229682
"Do dogs have buddha-nature?"
>>46230253
>>46230191
>>46230135
/pol/?
>>46229682
Its very fucking clever.
Is there some sort of nice resolution or...
>>46230135
>being a skubhuman
>>46230398
Newfag detected.
Welcome to /tg/.
Enjoy your stay.
But not your skub. If you like skub you are lower than insects.
>>46230387
Funny thing is that only awakened ones can answer that and they detach themselves from desire.
So suck's to be you Devil.
>>46229874
>>46229902
>>46229920
Are you, physically, human?
"Select all street signs"
>>46230433
pls no bully
I just don't get that reference, that's all.
Enlighten me.
>inb4 git gut lurk moar
Don't be a fucking bitch...
>>46229682
"Are you alive?"
>>46230496Skub is an imaginary, completely nonexistent item of some sort that people argue over pointlessly.The joke is that /tg/ (and any other place on the internet where you get to speak your mind, really) will flame eachother over every little pointless bullshit that can possibly come up in a conversation.
>>46230496
Skub is a controversial substance that has stem cells in it. It's used to cure extreme skin conditions.
Anti-skub are people who oppose progress and science.
>>46230456
Out of 7 billion people on this Earth, one of them is going to answer 'no' and fuck it up for everyone.
>>46229833
Best answer so far.
"If I take your mask off, will you die?"
>>46230547
This fucking moron with his propoganda, stating that skub doesn't exist because he thinks its a conspiracy.
I use skub all the time for my eczema, it WORKS.
>>46229682
Are you a thinking thing as defined a priori?
>>46230496
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/SkubSkub is a fictional stand-in for essentially anything that people might pointlessly argue about with undue passion. It's referenced as a parody to much of the shit-flinging and flaming that happens on 4chan and the internet at large.
Wanna get laid?
>>46230547
>>46230551
Fuck.
I know what Skub is... christ fucking almighty how i could forget. It was so long ago? So much time passed already? I missread and whole shitposting these days made me a bit jumpy.
Shit niggas hold me.
>>46230616
God damn, 1d4chan is cancerous as shit
What is 1 + 1?
I wish for the devil to die. Or kill God, because fuck the system.
>>46230547
bullshit, skub is my favorite system, and far better than any other system. Fuck right off with your "skub doesn't exist," bs faggot.
>>46230670
Would you prefer KnowYourMeme or something?
Were you born?
Wish for true happiness for all sapients.
>>46230592
Really? Because I used skub for my eczema, and guess what? I now have skin cancer you pro skub piece of shit. Skub is the Antichrists lube, anyone who disagrees is a sexual deviant.
>>46230751
Euthanise yourself, skubfag.
>>46230191
Stop draining the sun with your solar power and sorcery!
"What is love?"
But seriously, to even have a chance of success the answer would have to be a physically necessary consequence of the question. Consider all the contrarian faggots, uncivilized peoples, newborns and literal retards. There is no question obvious enough that absolutely everyone would be able and willing to give the expected answer.
>>46230798
You have skin cancer because you have inferior genes, fucking albino nigger
Skub can't fix that
>>46230592
>>46230798
>Putting skub on your skin
No shit you got skin cancer, skub is for lubricating tractor engines.
>>46230523
Nice try, but someone with Cotard delusion can fuck it up for you. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion
>>46230863
There are no carcinogens in skub tho
>>46230894
That doesn't change the fact that anyone who is, or has ever been pro skub is literally cancer.
>>46230894
No, but the people who use it are cancer. It rubs off, you know.
>>46230816
"Baby don't hurt me."
>>46230816
Correct answer to that is: "Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more"?
Not everyone is on the train with us im afraid. Some people might think your question is about that weird things normie have.
>>46230834
Oh look the skub lover turned up. What's it like being a subhuman who Darwinism should have weeded out long ago?
>2001
>be 15
>just moved so im the new kid in highschool so nobody knew me
>desperate for friends and companionship
>get in with pro-skub crowd by pretending to be like them
>never actually used skub, because i heard of all the horror stories
>Get peer pressured by 8/10 qt in the group i had a massive crush on
>end up using skub and get addicted to it
>banged that chick later and I ended up HIV positive
>Still get the shakes whenever Skub is brought up, weaning off has been hard
Not even once, kids.
Was getting caught part of your plan?
>>46230776
>KnowYourMeme
I'd take 1d4chan over KYM every time.
>>46229682
If there were two guys on the moon, and one killed the other with a rock, would that be fucked up or what?
>>46231205
If I take off the mask will you die?
it's hard to find true statements.
some people will argue with the exact details of Cogito Ergo Sum, but i think in general it's as close as you're going to get to a statement people can't really get around. if you're asking a question, then something exists to ask the question.
so then my best guess at a question would be, "do you exist?"
actually now i think about it though, the most common answer from the average human being would be something like "what the fuck kind of question is that?" still, best i can do.
as for my wish, i'd wish for all the skub lovers and haters to love each other and live together in peace
>>46230552
Of course, but I can't think of anything anyone will give a more consistent answer to. 1+1 maybe? That feels like cheating, though
>>46229682
Assuming the Devil doesn't pull something assholish (aka if this isn't the devil):
Asking "Do you want to starve to death?" so that it's understood and answered seriously and intentionallywill give some response along the lines of "No!".
I wish for some variation of great wisdom for all people - it'd fix the world right up, and make it harder for whatever plans he had to dick over too many people at once.
Where mah niggas at?
The question is a stab, the answer is bleeding.
>>46229682
Would "what does a breath sound like?" be answered immediately and automatically by all alive humans?
>>46231390
Tell this to Buddhist or Hindu monk's who starved themselves. Sometimes to death.
This world is to fucking complex and human language is to retarded still to be completely bullet proof. We can try axioms but they are to a bit finicky.
I think this
>>46229718
was the best answer as far and OP didn't really specify if answer can or can't be same in every language.
>>46231456
>Someone is in the middle of a blood transfussion
>No blood comes out
>>46230456
Captain Kirk pls go
>>46229810
>>46229821
good job guys
"who is this 4chan?"
>>46231485
I doubt they every empty you out all that much during one, as it'd starve various things of oxygen that we really, really don't want oxygen starved.
>>46231602
"The Grinch Wearing a Mask Holding a Gun"
Why do you have a face on your ass?
For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?
>>46230023
What about mutes and ultra-retards?
>>46229682
"Do people have to breathe?"
>>46229682
"Will It Blend?"
>>46229682
>the devil appears before you and promises to grant you a wish
Start foaming at the mouth and chanting in latin until he fucks off. Have you never opened a fucking book?
>>46232098
Why do kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
>>46229874
I went to see a heavy metal band in New York...called Monster Magnet. Man, they were heavy, boy. The lead singer got on the monitor, and he said, "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" Then he said, "How many of you feel like animals?" And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question. "Yes, I do feel like a human. I do not feel like a tree."
>>46229682
I tell him he's talking out of his ass
>>46232144
>he's back
>>46232098
>>46232135
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
>>46231697
No, see, that's the question that every human being would ask. I could think of half a dozen reasons for a face on your ass:
1) So you can look me in the eyes when you're kissing it
2) It's Judas. He gets to taste my shit.
3) I absorbed my twin in the womb, Sitin (Sittin?)
4) Now I can fart the alphabet!
5) Obligatory cheek joke
6) It's biblical, I don't gotta explain shit
>>46230191
I always thought it was invisible magic.
>>46232048
"Not the evil fish-men that live down in the lake! They been conspirin' to raise Godzilla and steal all my good socks!"
Old Crazy Otto, MI
How are you?
Everyone says "I'm fine"
>>46232281
Damn you, you old coot! There aren't any leprechauns living in your sink, and you did not serve in World War VIII!
Are you alive?
>>46232336
Not if you say it after a rape.
>>46232336
>That one faggot that says "Thank you" on accident
>>46232413
I'm dead inside
>>46232336
you never talked to someone who is bipolar huh?
The task is undoable, because it would mean asking children and babies as well, that can´t answer a question
devil confirmed dickhead, time to smite
>>46232425
>mfw it'd probably be me
>>46232430
wake me up
i can't wake up
>>46232336
What about people whose lives are in the process of going to hell in a handbasket?
>>46232336
>Everyone says "I'm fine"I always avoid giving a real answer by saying "Same as always".
I am sorry.
>>46229682
What is a man?
>>46229682Who let the dogs out?Who?WHO?
>>46229682
I agree on the condition that I am permitted to be present for each occasion on which he asks the question of others, that I may verify that their answers are tallied truthfully. For the sake of fairness, I am willing to be rendered mute and unable to convey messages in writing for the duration of this process, so I cannot inform them of the correct answer.
Then, right as he asks someone, I kick them in the crotch as hard as humanly possible.
The question doesn't even matter.
My wish is that everyone forgets that I kicked them in the crotch, and for any insect that gets within five feet of me to die instantly.
>>46229682
Dare you enter my magical realm?
>>46232577
>Dude with more hair in his face than in his forehead starts talking
>Seventy years later, he's still talking
>Devil kills himself
Holy fuck this.
"Will you die?"
>>46232622
>if anyone says yes, you don't get your wish
>if noone says yes, you know for certain that you are alone
>>46232729
Never! The heart-blood of my enemies sustains me! I am immortal!
-t Random Liberian
>>46232729
And yes, I know this will be trumped by your average mental patient and an edgy teenager saying 'I'm already dead inside', but it's the best I got.
Rock
>>46229920
>>46232144
Then you rules-lawyer. "You said that any human being would answer the same. They admitted themselves they are not humans, their answers must be discarded"
>>46232923
You're talking to the devil. You really think he would accept the terms that what defines a person is what they believe they are?
He's evil, but not SJW evil.
>>46232923
He said their answers must be the same, not correct. Additionally, the only way they could exclude themselves in this fashion is after they've been asked, meaning they have already been included in the target group.
I mean, if the Devil exists then so must God, therefore "Human" is not merely a self-defined group of species traits but an immutable, divine categorization, fundamentally separated from base animals. Any particular human's opinions on the subject are irrelevant.
>>46233003
I can see the devil being fairly sympathetic to it. At least certain versions of the Christian devil, because under some branches of Christianity, your salvation is a mater of belief and self-identification.
If he has to accept that David Berkowitz is going to heaven (again certain versions of Christianity) he's probably just going to shrug and go "Fuck it" when confronted with someone who self-identifies as a cat.
>>46229682
"was getting caught part of your plan?"
>>46229682
What is my name?
>>46229682
Knock knock?
>>46232522
I always say "No worse than usual," or something similar.
>>46229682
How similar does the answer have to be? Does it have to be word for word the same, or just the same sentiment/idea?
What class/alignement would the Devil play?
Would he be the ultimate That Guy just to piss you off?
>>46229945
"If I pull that off, will you die?"
>>46231256
Fuck I recognize that. What is it from?
>>46231461
Someone somewhere is being a little bitch and drowning
>>46233796
LG Paladin, and by the end of it, unless the DM was God himself, he'd have the entire group convinced that ruthless subjugation of inferior beings really is the one true path of righteousness.
>>46234276
That's... Absolutely spot on. Good job you
>>46229682
>>46232206African or European swallow?
>>46234276
Outta here.
>>46229682
If you fall into an active volcano, will you die?
Sucks to be you Devil.
>>46229682
Can jackalopes wulfern go goffers?
>>46230496
But everyone has to lurk for a while. How else are newfags supposed to become acculturated (to any online culture really, not just 4chan) without interrupting discussion?
>>46237444
Trips dont lie
>>46229682
"Quick! What's Ghandi's batting average?"
Universal answer: Confusion. Even with a language barrier.
>>46230751
What's your favorite version of skub? I liked first edition, but the class system is a little limited for how I like to run games... Is it worth it to get the books for second edition skub?
>inb4 "Try GURPS, stupid skub-lover"
We all know that skub is superior to everything.
>>46229682
>Making deals with Satan
Pretty sure that's a ticket to hell no matter what I do, so it's better to tell him to stick it and hope St. Paul decides denying the devil cancels out being gay.
>>46231309
...You literallyfuckskub, don't you? You don't even like it, you just use it for sexual pleasure, and then vomit all over when you realize what you've done.
...You want the skub-humans and the anti-skubbers to get along so you won't feel so bad, don't you?
...You disgust me......And slightly turn me on...
>>46238542
Zero.
>>46229802
/thread
Fuck that, I challenge him to a fiddle contest.
>>46230476
Underrated post
>>46229682
"Knock Knock"
>>46237076
¿Porque?
>>46229682
Who is your spiritual liege?
>>46229682
Does he have a face in his butt
"On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hate Canadians?"
10s across the globe.
>>46240215
Dunno. I like canadians.
You fag.
>>46229682
Do they have to answer honestly? Wilk devil ask the question in language they understand?
> do you understand me?
Guys, what if the devil asks a newborn
Will the newborn be able to understand the question, let alone answer it?
>>46229802
Knowing that there are humans out there who are mute and just fucked-up contrarians by nature, I don't think there IS a right answer anyone could give. Even if you said something obvious and universal like "what is one plus one" some asshole who hates all humans is going to say 3 just to fuck us all over.
>>46229682
This question has stumped me all morning, it's certainly a fantastic riddle.
The best I have at the moment is
>Are plants/Is nature alive?
I was orginally going with "Is fire hot?" but realized some people have damaged nerves and could not feel fire.
You have to go with something primal, something that is inherintly human, because you also have to get te same answer from the undeveloped tribes and feral humans out secluded from modern society.
That said, every culture either says that plants grow, and therfore are alive, or that nature itself is a tangible force that lives.
You show everyone a picture, with one block sitting on the floor, and another block resting on top of it.
You then show them another picture with the bottom block removed and ask "What happens?"
Even children just weeks or months old have been shown to have a basic understanding of the physical properties of the world, and know that things fall when nothing supports them. It's one of, if not the first things we have to learn.
>>46245822
>Is it important to drink water?
You guys are rused. OP is the Devil, and was told that this question was the one. He's testing us and now anon is fucked. Great job.
>>46245822
Will you die?It's the fucking DEVIL. It's a trick. If you ask even a clear question with an obvious/objective answer to enough people, some of them are going to give you shit - because people are garbage.
>>46246045
Of course, I realize it's a ruse, but it's still a good riddle and thought exercise.
I literally spent an hour and a half thinking about this.
>>46229682
I don't ask a question, instead I start shouting forth Francis E Dec monologues until he gets confused and leaves due to all the San loss
How much San loss would that be anyway?
>>46229682
"Have you been born?"
>>46229682
I tell him to fuck off and call first next time.
