Tell me the dirtiest thing you ever did with your weapon.
>>46087852
Bisected a shit golem.
>>46087852
I ripped a lizard man in half and guts flew all over the place
It was very messy. My guy had to get a wash after that.
>>46087852
When I first had my sword, I cleaned the blade judiciously, but ignored the rust on the guard because I thought it was just natural blade aging/pitting. After two years, someone finally suggested I clean it, and by then the little holes were bery numerous. I've been told it makes the weapon look well-worn.
>>46087945
Saved! Holy crap but /k/ can get kinky
Ended him rightly.
>>46087852
RPG
>left my claymore impaled through the BBEG's gut into a boulder excalibur style
>left him a ton of easily accesible food and water and walked away
Second dirtiest thing i've done to an npc.
Life
>friend and i go to renaissance festivals since age 13
>learn the mock knights actually attend some class on actual swordplay
>We get invited and it actually happens nearby our houses so we can just walk there
>let use old practice edgeless and smaller but still metal swords since they were about the right size for us
>we do odd jobs all year till next ren fair and first thing we do is get actual swords and "practice"(normal just edgeless) swords
>school gets heavy cause we take honors classes and gotta stop practice for homework
>same year i move to a new house
>swords somehow gets lost in move
>depressed but life moves on
>find out some years later parents hate the idea of a lethal weapon in the house so they hid it in the crawl space
>dank, dark, and full of insects
>manage to find them and pull them out
>scabbard, belt, and grip are rotten and crumbling on both and the wood on the grips termite shit
>blades are so rusted i fear its straight through on area's of the fuller
>cry a little inside
>wrap them in oil cloth and bury them behind the house at the foot of a tree
Only swords i've owned and the tree got hit by lightning and split last summer during a bad storm. Its like losing your closest pet and someone stomping on his grave i swear.
>>46088348
You don't go to /k/ very often do you? I swear every day theres at least 4 threads like this.
>>46087945
>dat bulletkake
>dat mosin on enfield action
>>46088383
>find out some years later parents hate the idea of a lethal weapon in the house so they hid it in the crawl space
>blunt sword
>lethal weapon
>sharp kitchen knife
>not lethal weapon
Should've hidden the cutlery drawer
>>46088552
I've read in some states, owning a baseball bat for any purpose other than baseball is a felony, but owning a gun is perfectly fine.
>>46088602
Nah states pretty lenient on weaponry. We even got purpose made bullshit about "knives" that means i technically can't own a folder over 4" blade length but i can carry fixed blades from 4"- up including swords so long as theres a sheathe and safety mechanism, peace knot for swords, or literally a piece of string that can be loosely laid over the handle from the sheathe so long as it prevents immediate drawing in broad daylight. It lets hunters carry big knives all over and into diners and the like without having to take off their hunting gear minus rifle though most don't care if your up north. Parents are just extremely left and anti-fun anti-selfdefense which i've always been at odds with. Only reason they let me keep my old bow back then was i claimed it was part of my heritage so i could keep practicing and hunting.
>>46087852
Once broke a bokken over someone's head. To be fair, they were drunk and being an ass. Splinters must have fucking hurt though.
>>46087852
No assassinating someone through the ass while they take a crap ?
Even though it might have actually happened in two occasions:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmund_Ironside#Death
>rather than in Oxford where Henry of Huntingdon claimed it to be in his sordid version of events, which included Edmund’s murder by suffering multiple stab wounds whilst on a privy, while tending to a call of nature.[6] Geoffrey Gaimar states a similar occurrence with the weapon being a crossbow,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uesugi_Kenshin#Uesugi_Kenshin.27s_death
>Other sources hold that he was assassinated by a ninja who had been waiting in the cesspool beneath the latrine at Kenshin's camp with a short spear.
>>46088602
Ballistic knives are pretty fucking illegal. Guns are easier to get a permit for. There are also classifications on what guns are ok in some states. Bullet caliber and magazine size laws, mostly. To be fair though I don't really see civ need for a .50 cal but that's like, my opinion man.
>>46087852
My best friend's wife fucked herself with the hilt of her sword at least once. She was 14 or 15 at this time. IRL, of course.
I had a whip-using character.
Use your imagination.
>>46088757
Theres that darn "NEED" word i keep hearin'. Iffin' ya read the constitution of murica it donut say that anywer. It says "RIGHT" right nex tuh "UNALIENABLE" however. Only words youin should be worryin bout is "SHALL".
Seriously though i get where you're coming from but we don't live in a world or country of only living by "needs".
>>46087852
Ur Mum
>>46088348
that's nothing, you should have seen the thread where a guy stuck the bolt of a mosin-nagant up his ass
>>46088779
You whipped people into shape?
In our last session our rogue decided to sear a hydra's anus shut with a flaming longsword. Repeatedly. I mean he could've cut the heads of and stopped the wolverine-esque healing factor, but hey points for style.
Masturbating with the pommels of my daggers while a demon watched.
It was an ERP campaign.
>>46088838
sure, and to be fair they are fun as hell. being real about it most dangerous shootings involve handguns anyway, so anyone willing to spend the money and maintenance time on a big ass anti-material cannon of a rifle probably has the discipline to understand it. hopefully.
>>46087852
When told to put my hands over my head, I grabbed my pistol by the barrel, raised my hands up and then hit the clip release while flicking my wrist to hit the other guy in the face with a full magazine.
>>46089688
Thanks Christian Bale.
>>46087945
The mind of a band of sexually-deprived soldiers is a terrifying thing.
>>46089859
>deprived
>not sexing up your raifu to keep her happy
>not knowing about the gun traps and that one guy with an amazing stache and more amazing ass
>not knowing about the military uniform mandatory communal jerks
>>46089859
>/k/
>soldiers
/k/ is to soldiers as weeaboos are to actual Japanese people.
>>46089966
I dunno man. I'd hate to see soldiers kicking my door in but i'd be 3 days gone and burn my own house down just to spare it if i heard about a similarly sized party of /k/ was going to be coming through.
>>46089959
>hat one guy with an amazing stache and more amazing ass
are you talking about Forgotten Weapons Ian?
>>46090072
Looks about right.
>>46087852
surrendered it
I used mine to murder a family of 5 and then hacked the bodies up a bit out of anger.
I have killed people with it. Many times. Some times unnecesarily.
I can never be clean again.
marriage
>>46088368
Is he throwing lemons?
>>46087852
Well there was this time on of my party members got hold of a possessed sword who liked to watch her masturbate and would try to get her in trouble all the time. It was really dirty but in a sort of, perverse but well-meaning kind of way.
>>46093472
It's the screw-on pommel. You can see the threaded thin part at the end of the handle where it's supposed to go.
It looks goofy as fuck but a piece of metal the size of a plum is no joke and probably meant to make the other guy raise his shield and sort of "haha, made you blink" type shenanigans to enable you to grab the initiative and whale on him with your sword.
>>46093758
Absolutely wrong. During highly ceromonialized germanic duels one most cast at another and another casts back. This was usually done with a spear which could end the duel there against less skilled opponents but this came at the cost of your spear, which believe it or not you'd want much much more than your sword as a weapon. To solve this you'd throw your detachable pommel at someone to sate the requirements that must be met and you could possibly give him a serious funcussion. Its theorized its a large pommel that is hollow and threaded that goes over a normal threaded pommel so when you take it off the grip remains and so does the balance. It also could be a farce as many schools would use such things as a sort of copyright, you'd point out this amazing technique which would somehow damage an armored helmet and end the duel and the man "rightly"(thusly) but when a customer buys from you you tell him not to listen to that ONE page. Some other idiot comes along and copies that book for free, oh no! All your hard work! Then he tries it and loses his sword and dies in a duel and your secrets are safe from thieves.
>>46093758
>It's a screw on pommel, a big piece of metal is no joke
>Absolutely wrong it's a detachable pommel, could probably give him a concussion.
Okay then.
>>46088779
You whipped your hair back and forth?
>>46088779
You roleplayed a STRAPPING young man?
>>46087852
Underrated file name joke is an A+
>>46093758
>It's the screw-on pommel
My theory of lemon-thrower is more interesting.
>>46094083
What
>>46088602
Pretty sure that's just England where they're so cucked on guns they consider just about anything a dangerous weapon.
Raped the god of virginity.
He had it coming.
Stabbed a demon-drug using fucker that had goop-blood, reeked and was the worst.
Luckily I had a cleaning set.
>>46094663
During german duels shit was ceremonialized. There were even official judges. To properly challenge and accept a challenge you had to throw something of a weapon at the other to signify intent to kill and the opponent saying he also has intent to kill.
This was usually done by throwing spears cause that can outright kill someone and takes a bit of skill to "receive intent" and "give intent". You could bypass this by throwing your pommel. BUT thats retarded. Why throw a bit that holds your sword together?
2 theories
1. Its a farce: its there so people that don't pay don't get told to ignore that plate and thus get killed while paying customers are told to ignore plate #64. This is sort of backed up by the illustration. If you look he's actually unscrewing the whole pommel which again is retarded but these illustrations are made by artists which may or may not have actually seen the technique in action or misinterpreted which led to a wrong illustration which isn't uncommon.
Its like an early form of copyright.
2.its real: they use a custom made sword with 2 pommels. One normal to slightly smaller size thats cut with threads and another larger heavy pommel thats hollow. Large one screws on small one and when you want to throw it you twist it off and whip it. This keeps the sword in one piece and properly balanced and might even throw off your dueling opponent if it hits a soft spot.
Things going against this are thats a LOT of work for a sword and the illustration (which may or may not be wrong) shows the whole pommel being twisted off.
A few swordsmiths have thought about this in a lot of ways and attempted several mock ups and these seem to always be the only theories that survive testing.
>>46095478
>To properly challenge and accept a challenge you had to throw something of a weapon at the other to signify intent to kill and the opponent saying he also has intent to kill.
>This was usually done by throwing spears cause that can outright kill someone and takes a bit of skill to "receive intent" and "give intent"
I'm gonna need a source on this.
>>46093472
It's pocket sand
>>46095559
Thats a pandora's box i'm not going to open you can however. other than that check the illustration. The whole thing translates to saving your spear by placing it into the crook of your elbow and throwing your pommel to "end him rightly". Check out the second dude. He's ready for the spear throw and is ready to throw his. its traditional opening and shows skill by either dodging, block, parrying, or catching the opponents spear and alot of schools have techniques just for that though they tend to be grand or exaggerated to show off how great that school is.
>>46088602
>I've read in some states, owning a baseball bat for any purpose other than baseball is a felony, but owning a gun is perfectly fine.
it's a weapon if some fag cop or prosecutor throws a big enough tantrum about it. and now it's going to cost you $2,000+ to hire a lawyer just to tell the judge they're full of shit. if you can't afford that lawyer, then you are absolutely going to get charged with a felony. welcome to America. BRING MONEY.
basically if you carry a bat around in your car you should always carry two mitts and a few baseballs as well.
>>46097090
Anon! Thats carrying unregistered ammo, a lethal weapon, and devices to tamper with evidence or devices designed to prevent evidence (your fingerprints). Thats 3 possibly more if they count each baseball and mitt seperately AND intent to commit a crime by planning out far enough to buy the needed supplies.
Cost me 1.5k to get a lawyer to convince a judge my leatherman multitool didn't fall under Burglary Tools back when i was 17 and cops caught me at the foot of my driveway which is apparently public property and claimed i was in the process of trying to break into my own car. All the other shit got dropped but they latched on like ticks to that damned multitool just to avoid looking like profiling fuck ups.
>>46087852
Twas a sparring session in WHFP
The party was sailing along the River of the Reik. The sun was shining, Albrecht at the helm of the barge. Cwatter was busy counting his useless throwing knives while Williäm polished his spear below decks. Siegfried and Orzad were having a conversation on the poop deck, when the topic of battle tactics came up.
"In all mah years of warfare experience," Orzad laughed. "I've never seen any man with a fighting style quite like yers, laddie."
"I could teach you a thing or two about swordplay." Siegfried smirked as he unsheathed his long, mighty sword.
"So it's a spar ya want, laddie! I'd be up for a little elf-beatin', me self." Orzad turned to Cwatter. "Oi! Elf! Get o'er here!"
"I'm game for a little sparring." Cwatter grinned, carefully removing the small dagger he had concealed in his pocket.
Orzad burst into uproarious laughter. "Ya call that a weapon, laddie?! Let meh show ya a real man's blade!" Orzad pulled out his mighty battle axe.
"Such a large weapon for such a small dwarf." Siegfried remarked. “Why don’t we take this below decks?”
>>46097576
The two of them made their way down to the living quarters and positioned themselves near the bunks.
Siegfried readied his sword, preparing for Orzad to make the first move. With surprising dexterity, Orzad engaged in an all-out frontal assault, firmly slapping him in the thigh with the flat of his battle axe. Siegfried recovered rapidly, sidestepping around Orzad with lightning speed. He thrusted his blade forward, penetrating Orzard’s rear defenses.
“Oi! Yer pretty good with that sword, laddie, but you ain’t runnin’ through this hide!” Orzad pointed to his state of the art leather armour.
The two of them sparred for close to half an hour. By the end, they were sticky with sweat. Siegfried sat down on his bunk.
“Hold on, Orzad.” Siegfried panted. “I need to rest my body. That was an intense session.”
“Ya got me blood running, laddie.” Orzad chortled. “This be just the beginning! Baldeh! Get over here!”
Williäm entered the room, beads of sweat noticeable on his hairless forehead. “You called?”
Siegfried motioned for Williäm to come closer. “Orzad and I have been wondering about the strength of your sword arm.”
“It’s kind of tired.” Willäm shook his shoulders for emphasis. ”I’ve been training by myself all day.”
“Come on, elf!” Orzad called mockingly. “Maybe yeh can learn some new moves!”
“I guess I could do with some hands-on experience.” Williäm grinned, cautiously pulling out his short sword.
“What’s it with you elves an’ yer wee blades?” Orzad guffawed. “Ya can’t have possibly used that in the field of battle, laddie!”
“What it lacks in size it makes up for in endurance and reliability.” Williäm said matter-of-factly.
“Alright then, laddie. Let’s test yer metal!” Orzad roared.
>>46097624
Orzad raised his weapon high in the air, preparing for a mighty initial strike. Williäm dodged the blow, but required a bit more prodding from Siegfried before he was ready to start on the offensive. He flew himself at Orzad, letting loose attack after attack, thrust after thrust. Orzad was struggling to keep up with Williäm’s seemingly unpredictable rhythm.
“Ye were right about yer blade’s endurance, laddie!” Orzad bellowed. “Keep ‘em coming!”
Caught up in the intensity of this fierce three-way brawl, they didn’t notice as Albrecht entered the room.
“Gentlemen!” Albrecht thrusted his sturdy magic staff to the ceiling. “Allow me to show you the power of true Ghyran magic!”
Magical energy spewed forth from the tip of the staff, completely covering Siegfried.
“That’s why ya got to know when tah pull out of battle and retreat, laddie!” Orzad howled.
Siegfried didn’t seem fazed. “Your channelling isn’t bad, friend, but let’s see how you handle that staff in close combat!”
Orzad and Williäm were locked in a furious battle. Williäm yelped as he was grazed by Orzad’s mighty horizontal slash. Their conflict was clearly reaching a climax. Meanwhile, Siegfried and Albrecht wrestled each other for control of Albrecht’s magic staff.
“Your staff can certainly take a lot of punishment.” Siegfried remarked as he firmly held his grip.
“The wood is of the highest quality.” Albrecht breathed as he struggled against Siegfried’s determined pulling. “I preserve it only with the finest of oils.”
Williäm’s was not faring too well at this point. He charged at Orzad, slashing wildly. His sword failed to penetrate Orzad’s thick armor. For a split second, his back was to Orzad, his rear completely undefended. In one swift motion, Orzad threw himself forward and wrestled Williäm to the ground.
>>46097648
“I give up!” Williäm panted, crushed under the weight of Orzad’s girth. “I don’t think I can handle much more of that battle axe!”
“So much fer yer endurance. I’m disappointed in ya, elf.” Orzad laughed. “Maybe next time ye should-“
Orzad’s sentence was cut off when Cwatter jumped at him from behind, riding him and bringing his dagger up to Orzad’s throat. Orzad began to panic.
“Ack! Stupid elf!” Orzad screamed. “I can’t get it off! I can’t get it off!”
“You just aren’t trying hard enough!” Cwatter said mockingly.
Siegfried finally wrested control of Albrecht’s mystic rod, breathing heavily. The exercise from the ordeal left the two of them covered in sweat. Siegfried said nothing, merely grinning from the pleasure and triumph of his victory. Albrecht’s heart rate slowed as the adrenaline died down.
“Wait a minute.” Albrecht’s eye’s widened. “WHO THE HELL IS DRIVING THE-“
A huge tremor shook the boat, causing Cwatter to fall onto the ground, subsequently being crushed by a tumbling Orzad.
Siegfried wiped his sweat-coated forehead. “That was a stimulating training session...” He breathed. “But I suppose I should go survey the damages.” He sheathed his sword and made his to the upper decks. Albrecht, still dazed from exhaustion and exhilaration, staggered after him.
Orzad stood up and turned to Williäm. “Ya need practice, lad.” Orzad gave a respectful nod. “But ye got talent with that short sword a’ yers.” He then turned to the crumpled heap on the floor known as Cwatter. “And ye certainly got a thing fer fightin’ dirty.” Cwatter grunted in response to the dwarf’s pseudo-praise as Orzad stumbled over to the booze barrel and didn’t say another word.
Williäm smiled to himself as he sheathed his sword.
It was an intimate bonding experience for all.
