Welcome to the Warhammer 40k Survival Campaign.
This will be a series of decisions, each choice could lead to death, or, through a series of "correct" choices, could lead to a perfect just as planned.
You'll be a basic conscript/infantryman/marines/etc in whatever army we choose.
Your goal is to survive a military campaign.
If you die, which you likely will, you will have 3 chances to go back to a point in recent memory. These chances can be replenished through great acts, say, you die 3 times, but you commit a single act that is Ciaphas Cain level, you'll have 3 more chances. Of course, not all of these are going to be a full 3, but you get the idea.
It'll work as a basic quest thread, but with EXTRA grimdark.
First thing, choose your faction. First faction to two votes. After we choose the faction, we will choose a sub division of said faction {e.g. Iyanden for eldar, Dkok for guard, etc}.
Vote to decide.
Imperial Guard
Eldar
Tau
Renegades and Heretics
Inquisition
Mechanicus
Orks
Dark Eldar
Space Marines
>>45434702
>Tau
Though inquisition shenanigans are also great
>>45434735
As op, I think it would be pretty fucking fun to have an inquisitor running around, but I'd also enjoy killing dirty tau, so no difference here.
>>45434702
>Imperial Guard
Let's let the little guys have their moment
>>45434743
Well, what OP is interested in is always important for general quality, so I'll change to inquis.
>>45434702
>Imperial Guard
So
One vote inquis
One vote guard
>You are now a guardsman
What sort of guardsman are you?
An Elysian?
Cadian?
Catachan?
Krieger?
Steel Legioner?
Same system as before, first to two votes, wins.
>>45434818
>Cadian
>>45434818
>Catachan
Fuck plants. Jungle partisans sounds good
One Cadian
One Catachan.
>>45434856
Well candian or we play a sensitive kreiger (gets kicked out of his unit because he has "feelings")
>>45434878
>krieger
>feelings
kek
So Two cadians?
>Introducing Maximus Decarus, Pimp of the Imperium
>>45434896
By the way, we should give qm a nickname till he figures one out.
I vote it be "Govener Lorlend"
As for character name I enjoy "Malak Decarius"
Naw, While i'd love to re do max, it wouldnt fit.
>You are now Kevin Miller, recently enlisted from cadia. Six months of training have gone on, but you've practically trained since birth. You accidentally shot a wall, since you assumed it was an embassy of chaos due to a symbol resembling the mark of khorne. The commisar praised you for your initiative, then promptly publicly flogged you.
>After being forced to go without treatment as punishment you're sent to the frontlines around the Cadian eye of terror. You awaken in your bunk.
Your lasgun looks to be in disrepair.
You are aching from your past flogging, infection may set in without cleansing of the wound.
Drills start in an hour.
What do you do?
>>45434947
Yo Senor
>>45434964
>we're quite dim
> our commanders an ass
>our equipment is shit
>we may get an infection
Standard day as a member of the 207th cadian infantry
First of I suggest we
>drop off our lasgun to a tech priest for repairs
>medbay for treatment
In that order
>>45434979
What are we shooting Governor?
>>45434964
>Your standard issue imperial pack stands by your bed, at your footlocker. Inside it contains a weapon cleaning kit, bandages, rubbing alcohol, your imperial primer, a trench knife, your helmet, and flak armour.
Refer to the Imperial Guardsmen's uplifting primer as to what to do, if you need help in these situations. Of course, you can also wing it.
>>45435020
Your base is but a humble outpost, no fucking techpriest here. The medics are under explicit treatment as to not treat you, your left to your own devices as for seeking treatment. Though a particularly pretty medic gave snuck you some rubbing alcohol. Its heresy for you to hold it though, keep it hidden.
>>45435045
Refer to the uplifting primer. We don't want to be flogged for wasting the time of folks if our lasgun is found to be easily fixable.
Then give our back a bit of a touch of the old rubbing alcohol and bandages. Dress.
>>45434964
>>45435068
Try to slide some alcohol down your back, rub as much as you're able, and bandage it.
>>45435038
No shooting yet, get ready for drills, protect your primer.
>You're a religious guy, singing the emperor's hymns, that's partially what prompted you to shoot at your wall of khorne. Thank god you purged that heresy, to that end, any infection is worth the pain. The emperor protects you, after all.
>>45435071
No, treat the bandages with it. Best we're going to get without wasting it.
>>45435071
>>45435068
>After singing your morning hymns, you decide to attempt to repair the gun, roll 1d6, 2+ you repair due to singing hymns to the omnissiah as well.
>After attempting to repair, you try to apply rubbing alcohol to your back, 4+ you apply it correctly.
Rolled 6, 6, 6 = 18 (3d6)
Rolling.
>>45435061
Well, as they say everywhere "waifu knows best"
>use rubbing alcohol to disinfect
>weapon cleaning next while praying to the god Emperor it doesn't EXPLODE
>get dressed and suited up and head out for drills
And if give the chance before drills
>secretly thank medic waifu for help
Rolled 1, 6 = 7 (2d6)
>>45435093
Rolling for repairing and the booze.
>>45435102
COMMISSAR SURPRISE!
>>45435102
DEAR GOD EMPEROR!
>>45435105
Fuck! You blew us up!
>>45435102
FUCKING SATANIC ROLL.
>You restore your lasgun to an even better condition than it was handed to you, it will overheat at half the speed, is now s4 ap4. You manage to fix up the rusty sights as well, adding an extra ballistic skill.
>you manage to perfectly apply the rubbing alcohol, it hurts like a bitch, but you can feel the heresy being purged from your back. You bandage it up, and feel renewed. You gain an extra wound past your normal maximum, must be the emperors blessing.
Your stats.
S3+1
BS3+1
WS3
T3
W3
A1
AP4
5+ Save
>>45435148
That awkward moment when you make a hotshot lasgun by mistake and try to hope noone calls you for tech heresy.
>>45435148
Off to thank our local waifu I suppose!
God Emperor bless her loveable heart!
>>45435148
Tuck everything away carefully. Hide it as best we can. Don uniform, armour, helmet, take knife, tuck primer carefully behind breastplate. Go see about some sort of food before formation, if there's time.
SUDDENLY, THE COMMISAR ARRIVES.
>He somehow manages to not see the rubbing alcohol, and catches you repairing your gun.
>Fires a laspistol shot into the ceiling at another mark of khorne. Threatens to shoot you if he sees another in your room. Says he spared you only due to your devotion to the lasgun.
Thank fuck.
With your wounds now healed, your gun repaired. You're free to do shit.
You're undressed with no armour.
Lightning is cracking outside.
Your lasgun is fully charged
Drills start in Thirty Minutes
You are hungry.
You are thirsty.
>>45435165
Eh its just awesome and now Emperor blessed wargear now Guardsmen!
Besides. The tech priests are to busy praying to there collection of toasters, and using power dildos to massage there migraines to care about us
>>45435182
>You hide your heretical ghetto hotshot lasgun, and rubbing alcohol which you affectionately refer to as "Ma's homecooking in medicine form". You miss your mother, and hope you can return to her a commisar. Roll 1d6 to hide your shit good.
>You put on your 3 layers of armour, and refer to mess hall. Gruel today. "Not ma's homecooking" you grumble to yourself.
>Even though it tastes like literal aids, the gruel is nutritious and the water has useful minerals
Your hunger is sated
Lightning is cracking outside
Your lasgun is in your room
Drills start at ten minutes.
You are sore, but healthier than ever.
>>45435188
Food is for the weak! Just water
[Spoiler]wierd... My catcha was waffles/spoiler]
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>45435203
I still cant believe we fucking rolled satanic trips on the most mundane roll. At least you have a decent gun, an extra wound, and bandages which do NOT have space aids.
>>45435221
>You decide to hide your heretical gun and alcohol in plain sight, for all to see your emperor's blessed rifle, and the gift of medicine.
You rolled a 1 on fucking hiding. Great job.
>>45435221
FYI, try giving us choices! Otherwise your players feel like they are just along for the ride
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>45435221
HAIL KHORNE LORD OF THE HIDDEN
Run. Get the lasgun. dodge commissars. Report for drill.
>>45435254
>You manage to do a decent jog, get your heretical rifle from its pedestal, and sprint back just barely in time for the drill.
>Survival Fight Tournament.
>You're up against medic girl.
>She dies, or you die.
....
roll speech on commisar, feign injury, or continue with battle..
>>45435292
Actually, Option 4.
Attempt to stall for time.
Lightning is still crackling, and the storm is headed this direction.
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>45435301
Stall for time, request a chance to led the next charge instead of murdering the medic.
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>45435292
Well... Logic dictates the commisar wil BLAM us, feigning won't do shit.
>fight, but only to the point where she ends up with a few broken bones
>>45435314
I thought we were still on cadia?
>>45435326
Sure. But on the front lines. No doubt there are routine raids.
>>45435314
In your stalling for time, you manage to expalin your elaborate attack plan on the eye of terror. However, it seems too tzeench for his likings.
The commisar prepares to BLAM you for insubordination.
He stops.
The storm is now raging. And the medic stops moving as well.
You turn behind you and see a strange portal opening up.
A weird ship that looks surprisingly made of cardboard begins to emerge, and you see something that looks exactly like the xenos lance from your primer.
What do you do? Everyone is just standing in awe.
>>45435326
You're on the front lines of the eye of terror crusade. Literally death sentence, but you being your happy do diddle dimwitted religious self can't really notice that
>>45435351
Scream the litany of protection and start firing.
While diving for cover. Aim at the lance, fucking thing is probably pretty fragile.
Rolled 5, 2, 4 = 11 (3d6)
>>45435362
Roll 2d6 to hit. -1 BS for running while shooting.
+1 T for litany of protection.
You dive for a nearby rock, it is 4feet away, 1d6 for how close you dive into.
>>45435351
>a ship made of cardboard
>our boss is STILL an ass
>waifu is alive
Prepare for war?
>>45435349
Cadia is near the eye of terror but is a well built fortress world. Plus I think we can assume it's not the 13th black crusade
Rolled 1, 5, 2 = 8 (3d6)
>>45435392
First two for firing. Third for cover.
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>45435392
>ALLAHU AKHBAR you scream your litany of protection while firing your heretical lasgun shots.
In true guardsmen fashion, you somehow miss a large cardboard ship directly in front of you, but manage to at least hit the lance once.
>It appears to be made of cardboard, T3 Vs S4, weapon destroyed on a 3.
>You manage to dive directly behind the rock after the shot fires though, hopefully you did damage, medic girl is directly within the sights.
If that shot does nothing, she dies.
>>45435416
>>45435419
Fuck.
>>45435416
oh shit. Ive been doing this wrong, ive been rolling by myself to try to speed shit up.
Everyone else will roll from this point on.
>>45435419
>The shot barely manages to fuck up the guns aim, thank fuck for you added heresy earlier. The gun lights on fire, as cardboard is prone to do, and the rest of the ship emerges.
>You hear "WE'VE COME FOR YOUR SOULS, FOR COMMORAGH" in the form of strange xenos accent. Medic girl sees the commisar, and sees you, she dives towards you. You catch her, and she's behind you in cover.
The platoon that was in training is now beginning to get scared, they've read about these strange xenos in their primer, but manage to hold composure.
>You and medic girl are behind rock, what do?
>>45435465
KILL IT! KILL IT WITH LASGUN FIRE!
>>45435477
Medic girl is scared, and holds on to you tightly.
This impairs your fire, but Ma always told you that letting a girl die on your watch would get you a whoopin'.
Roll 2d6 to hit. -1 BS
>>45435465
Start firing at the underside of the damn thing if it's hovering. If not peel off to the side for a flanking angle and continue to fire. Scream the litany of proper operation for our lasgun doing so.
Rolled 2, 6 = 8 (2d6)
>>45435491
Tenner says the commissar blams us anyway.
>>45435491
>>45435494
Roll 2d6 to hit, nigger.
Rolled 2, 5 = 7 (2d6)
>>45435514
>>45435506
One shot flies off into the warp, hitting some commoragh kid who was playing with human remains.
>Platoon is now in full out fear, roll 2d6 for morale with commisar being an ass of ld 9. Will blam someone randomly if fail.
>More raiders are now zooming through, it looks like youre going to be overwhelmed fairly quickly.
The commisar voxed in reinforcements, two nearby bases are zooming here. Why would the DEldar attack cadia though? They must be after something.
>TAKBIR
>With one of your shots hitting, and with the litany of proper operation of TAKBIR, do s5 vs AV 9 Under armour.
Roll another d6,
Rolled 6, 6, 3 = 15 (3d6)
>>45435628
They already said. Souls for comorragh. They raid planets all the time, Cadia included. Hell. Even in a novel.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>45435661
Holy shit. Your morale is aids, makes sense though since COMMORRAGH.
>People are scrambling left and right, you grab medic girl and scramble too.
>Twenty men in your platoon, roll 1d20. On a 19 or 20, medic girl or you gets BLAMMED with saves, and if you wanna be a white knight, a "look out m'lady".
Roll 1d6 to run. No way to defend this open field. Your lasgun shot even plinked off their cardboard. Even with your litany of proper order.
Medic girl is panicking but following your lead.
Rolling 1d10, on a 90 plus something special happens.
Rolled 3 (1d20)
>>45435716
>>45435716
You see fucking... Meteors dropping down from the sky? The hell? No matter, time to flee. Ma always said that running from them bullies was better thans feedin' intos 'em.
Still need to roll d20 and d6.
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>45435737
The entire platoon is going to be blammed for cowardice.
>>45435732
No one important dies. Cadian number 158th of the 207th regiment falls to the commisars blamming. The rest of your squad regroups from fear, and begins firing, you question whether to regroup with them, or flee with medic girl.
>Flee with waifu?
>Hold the fucking line.
>>45435746
That 3 meter run move will be decided when we choose.
>>45435753
Fucking sky meteors are closing in.
>>45435753
Fleeing? What are you, a traitor?
>Hold the fucking line
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>45435753
Hold the line and stop being a goddamned ponce, take my d6. Fuck the medic.
>>45435786
>>45435780
>You look medic girl in the eyes, and you look to your platoon.
>She sees wounded
>You see a need to hold the line, the inner need all cadians possess.
>You two sprint back at the speed of the gazelles thanks to your 6 run.
>Meteors are awfully close.
>Kabalite ships are zooming the fuck around and have you surrounded, 25 min til reinforcements.
Youre now in the infantry ranks, what do you do?
Your platoon is being shot at by 10 kabalite shots, roll a d10, on a 10, its us.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>45435824
Mutter the litany of protection. Fire at anything that we have a clear angle on, watching the heat and ammo from our lasgun. Keep an eye out for approaching melee.
For future reference.
To hit and to wound/glance will be decided like in 40k. But you can only glance since lasguns arent going to fucking pen ever, and I dont really know the pen table by memory.
Run rolls are to be in meters.
You get 2 shots due to heretical hotshot lasgun.
Medic girl gives you a 4+ FNP due to giving you preferred treatment.
Your squad is ten men plus commisar.
>>45435846
>you try to mutter the litany of protection, but find yourself screaming it in true guardsmen glory instead.
>ALLAHU AKHBAR
>Roll2d6 to hit kabalite.
>You are now T5 from litany.
>Your friend bob takes the kabalite shot and rolls begins screaming.
>The meteors are about to arrive, they look more like strange spiky space shuttles rather than meteors though. You thought you saw the mark of khorne.
>A wych begins charging you, specifically you, with grace she makes it in.
WS4 VS WS3 Wych hits you on a 3.
Roll for Wych to hit on a d6, roll 2d6 to see if you hit.
>>45435862
amendment. 6+ fnp. Not a 4+.
Rolled 2, 5, 5, 5, 4 = 21 (5d6)
>>45435893
I don't even know how many dice we're rollin'.
Just take the first.
Rolled 5, 3, 3, 1, 6 = 18 (5d6)
>>45435893
First two for the first two shots, third for the wych, then to see if I belt the bastard.
Oh we are so dead.
>>45435923
Wych somehow misses.
you here this
>BATTLE BROTHAS, WE ARE SPAHCE MUHREENS, SAVE THESE GLORIOUS GUARDSMEN IN THE NAME OF THE EMPRAHHHHHHH
and from the other group of meteors
>BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE.
You manage to hit and kill the kabalite.
Space marines have this handled, but your commisar got fucked up but the wych.
With no commisar, your group retreats, its suicidal to stay, the space marines will likely trample you over.
Stay and get raped by DEldar/ CSM/ Muhreens? Or return to your room.
Guard reinforcements are 22 min away.
>>45435945
youve been lucky as fuck, that wych wouldve torn you to shreds if youve seen the fluff. You barely rolled that 2.
>>45435952
Try to rally our group and get them to reposition in a more effective area to support the marines.
>>45435968
You try to rally your allies, but with the bolter fire, they cant hear shit. They're flooding back into the base, and the girl forcibly grabs you and takes you with her.
Roll 1d6 for something special. Pray you dont fuck this up.
>>45435994
You'll succeed on a 4+
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>45435994
The Emperor be with us and give us strength.
>>45436004
PRAISE THE FUCKING EMPEROR!
>>45436004
Medic girl, while grabbing you, almost shoved you straight into a webway portal into commoragh.
You dodged a bullet there, she takes you back to your room and grabs her rubbing alcohol to try to save another guy, Bob, who got shot by a kabalite. The marines and DEldar are fighting outside. You try to formulate how to proceed, however, being a dimwitted religious man, you're having some trouble.
How to proceed?
fuc guys, i'm barely staying awake. Three am here and my eyes keep shutting.
I'll continue this thread when I wake up. Probably in 6 hours.
>>45436060
Sleep tight Governer.
>>45436024
Easy. Watch for marines who are in trouble out the window. Take pot shots if possible.
>>45436060
Night
we better ISTIGHFAR after this is all over
>>45436120
I second this.
>>45436060
Where you at guvner?
I HAVE ARRIVED BACK FROM THE DEAD
>>45438060
>"I'll do leik Ma' told me, an' shooet et' em' there xenos fucks.
You stick your lasgun ouside your regulation window, which was made of see through cardboard, and look for something to shoot a.
>'Em there spa'ce muhreens, i cauhn be a proud man knowi' i've seen a muhreen
>them there is xenos muhreens, better sbooet at 'they crazy followers
>They loo' like the tax delivery men ma' said to ignore, i'll show ma' i can take em down
Roll 2d6 to hit against cultist. Back to bs4 since girl is no longer holding on.
>>45439911
>After sleeping your regulation bed for the standard 8 hours, you awaken.
Rolled 4, 6 = 10 (2d6)
>>45440764
Awww yis! Time to die a gruesome, horrible death.
>>45436536
>ISTIGHFAR
being born arab myself, i instantly read that as "Istaghfar allah" which is like "fucking hell god"
What the hell does it actually mean?
or if youre extra religious "im sorry god for doing bad shit"
>>45440842
roll 2d6+5
>>45440842
>you quickly rapidfire 2 lasgun shots into those dirty tax collectors, and you can see his hooknose fall down from your sexy ap4 shots
>the marines are being quickly overwhelmed, as in a fit of madness, the csm and deldar allied together {Fun fact- I played DEldar with CSM allies before, it did pretty fuckin alright}
>More drop pods are coming in, but you can see the marines begin to lose to sheer attrition, and some ships already taking back their dead battle brothers to commoragh.
>15 minutes until reinforcements
>You watch upon the dark eldar wyches as they glide across the battlefield, marines seeming to miss every shot, and barely keeping up in close combat.
>More meteors seem to be coming in, but the DEldar have figured out that you live inside this fucking room and have come for slaves
>3 Kabalites burst in, look at you, and begin to fire.
>Fire 2d6 back
>Pray out of..
Litany of protection +1 T
Litany of proper order +1 BS
Litany of Emperors might +1S
Litany of the Omnissiah +1 armour save.
You can only use these litanies once per hour.
>>45440882
? for what. Cultists auto die with no saves since i'm just going to cut out the "to wound" part to save time, and instant only do wounding on creatures with more than one.
Rolled 1, 5 = 6 (2d6)
>>45440958
Litany of the Omnissiah.
>>45440867
Pretty much the latter
Rolled 3, 6 = 9 (2d6)
>>45440958
Litany of the Omnissiah +1 armour save.
BISMILLAH
>>45441594
>What in tarnation is makin this here computer not work?
>you scream the outright heretical litany of the omnissiah as you fire 2 rapidfire rounds, in which one went flying off into the mark of khorne on the wall. The commisar is proud.
>The otherone manages to hit though, and the kabalite sees the laser pierce through his would be chest. He crawls back to the ship to be revived by some homonculous dude that you hear called urien.
>The other two fire shots, both hitting you.
>>45441732
>BISMALLAHIR RAHMEENA RAHEEEEM
>AL HAMDU LIL LA HEE, RABEE ALAMINA
>You begin screaming the rest of the litany of the omnissiah as the two shots hit your flak armour.
>The medic is over there trembling in fucking fear, but manages to be a hero and fireoff a laspistol. You'll have to show her how to make it heretical later, but for now, she's a bro.
Roll 2d6 armour save, 1d6 to hit by the medic who is bs5 because she is scared as fuck.
Sorry I was gone, my internet broke down, and i had to call comcast and shit.
Rolled 4, 3, 1 = 8 (3d6)
>>45442332
PRAISE ALLAH-i mean EMPRAH
This is better than I thought.
>>45442389
>The medic girl also somehow manages to miss and hits the mark of tzeench on the wall
>"JUST AS PLANNED HUEHUEHUE" you hear through the webway portal
>ADASJOH FUCK JESUS THAT HURTS GAHH FUCKITY FUCK FYADAJSLDAKJSD JADNJSDJK you scream as the poison bullet begins to sear through your cardboard box armour. Thank fuck they didnt penetrate it at least, only the tip manages to hit you, you throw it down, and feel like shit.
>Suddenly, you hear moaning and shuffling down the halls, just as the kabalites were ready to shoot at you again, the kabalites take one look, and take flight back down the hall. It's getting louder, and it sounds like heresy.
>Whatever it is, you feel dread come upon you, and you look down the hall. You seen a strange man with scissor hands along with 6 entourages of.. humans mixed with animals mixed with whatever the fuck that is holy shit.
>what do you do, medic girl still doesnt know.
>>45442471
Throw granades. ALL OF THE GRANADES
Also, i'm not sure why the fuck our character is an arab even though he's obviously from the deep south.
Like so deep south where people start fucking their own tractor level. But i'll roll with it.
>>45442503
>RAMSEY, I NEED THE IN TARNATION GRENADES FROM YOU AND BOBBY BOY RIGHT THE HELL NOW
>Malak i'm uh, sorta busy right now.
>IT DOESNT MATTER THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT JESUS CHRIST RAMSEY NOW GRENADES.
>BOB GIVE ME GRENADDES TOO.
>roll 2d6 +3 for how many grenades they give you.
>you could also try fleeing.
Hey guys, I recently saw a fb post from one of my friends.
He's selling both exterminatus supplements, in softcover form, for twenty bucks +3 bucks for shipping.
Should I pick them up?
>>45442571
I'll also sell them off to anyone here who wants them. Seeing as I have absolutely no need for them.
Rolled 6, 4 + 3 = 13 (2d6 + 3)
>>45442554
I thought the litanies became arabic but everything else is the same.
dump the granades while fleei-i mean tactical retreat
welp night. need to snooze. later ya akhi
>>45442614
>13 grenades.
>13 FRAK GRENADES AT 6 GROTESQUES
>ok
>RAMSEY. GIT U AND BOBS ASS ND LES GO. THIS SHITT TOO MUCH, BRING THE EMPRHAS MEDDECENE TOO. FUKK
>GUARD REINFORCEMENTS ARRIVE
>roll 2d6 to flee
>grenades blow a fucking hole in the wooden building and the grotesques fall ontop of an unlucky chaos marine.
>you keep 4 grenades.
Rolled 6, 6 = 12 (2d6)
>>45442662
aight
last roll
Emprah bless this dice
>>45442684
ABSOLUTELY HERETICAL
ABSOLUTELY HERETICAL
>you run 12 meters carrying rams in your arms and bob just barely fucking holding on
>"OHHHHHHHH SAYY CANNNN YOOOOOUUUUU SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>BYYYYYYY THEEE DAWNNNNS EAAARLLLLLYYYYYY LIIIIIIGHT
>WHAAAAAAT SO PROOOOOOUDLY WEEEE HAIIIIIILED.
>BYYYYYY THE TWIILLIGHTS LASTTTT GLEEEEEAMING
>you manage to run directly into the armoury, which houses power armour for the adepta sororitaras and aspirant space marines
>You instantly shove rams into adepta armour
>you get into muhreen armour
>the marines are now taking it back as the guard reinforcements are dying in spades. You head outside, and no more xenos are there.
>The marines sprint over to you,
>"BATTLE BROTHA, ARE YOU OKAY?"
>"WHO IS THIS SISTA THA' HAS COME WITH YOU.
>"Brotha, the most honorable sister has come after her squad has been demolished. She saw an opprotunity to smite xenos and took it brotha.
>"SISTER YOU SHALL BE SHINED WITH THE HONOR OF OUR
>SPIRITUAL
>LIEGE.
What do?
>>45442749
become a spess marine
>>45443016
>battle brotha, come with us back to the ship, the sista can come as well
>okay battle brotha, spiritual liege protects
>you remember that this blue armour gives you an armour save of 2, for the spiritual liege shall always protect you. At least thats what they said in the schools.
>Suddenly, the marines realize you arent a marine, and that youre skinny as fuck
>they realize this because, they were space wolves, and you talked about the spiritual liege
>only the leader realizes, and he's starting to scream to warn the rest
>what do
Maybe it wasnt smart to attempt to impersonate a fucking spess muhreen.
>>45442749
Deer diary todey was gud, i became a spess marine.
>>45443113
scream aboot how great wolves are
>AHH WOLF WOLF AASASJ WOLF WOLF GREAT WOLF WULFEN GREAT WOOT SPACE WOLVES WOOT SAPACEEE WOLVES
roll 1d6 to see if you convinced them.It works on a 4+ since the space wolves arent really the brightest of the lot.
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>45443196
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>45443196
Rolled 1 (1d2)
>>45443219
>>45443242
I'm somewhat conflicted as to which to use here.
rolling 1d2 to choose.
>>45443219
The dice gods have spoken.
>WOLF WOLFITY WOLF ASDA WOLFY WOLF WOLF
>they reply in wolf language
>you dont understand, so he screams to the crowd "WOLF WOADLAS WOLF WOLFY LEMAN RUSS WOLFYASD" and the ready their bolters
what do.
>>45443306
say you are leman russ himself
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>45443344
>>45443306
lets just say we want to join up then leg it
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>45443397
>>45443362
>>45443456
>I AM LEMAN RUSS, WOLFYWOLF WOLF ER WOLFUN WILEF FENRIS WOLF
>wolfity wolfay wolf
>they dont buy it
>I WANT TO JOIN THE SPEECE WOLVES, I AM LEAVING THE ULTRAMUHREENS.
>wolfy wolfiety wolfa wolfun allahu akhbar spiritual liege wolf
>they accept you graciously
>just as they turn around, you flee
Run 2d6. -5 because MARINE ARMOUR.
Rolled 4, 2 = 6 (2d6)
>>45443817
Cmon dice, don't fail us now!
>>45444271
you flee 1m
>>45444916
You want to stop this, don't you?
>>45444916
Point to the sky and scream KHORN DEMON SCUM WOLF WOLF RUSS RUSS! then book it into a building to get rid of the armor and escape
>>45444943
With no where to flee. Fifty marines shoot you down..
You die.
Choose a place to return in order to try to survive the xenos invasion.
This is the most heretical and loosely 40k based quest ever.
>>45445403
I choose right before we took the armor. Lets NOT tale the armor this time.
>>45446401
This, lets join up with the reinforcements and fuck up some Eldar
>>45446401
>you are at the armoury, so many pieces of space marine armour
>shit looks heavy as hell, though, you probably wouldnt be able to put it on
>you do see some knives, which you pocket though.
>No longer hearing moaning, and bob successfully treated along with your poison, you decide to check out outside
>The muhreens are chatting in what sounds like barking
>They see you
>"WOLFY WOLFA WIFL FOLE WOLF
>"This is america, we speak english, not mexican" you say.
>"sorry senor, anyways, what are you doing here"
>"I was guardsman stationed at this outpost on cadia
>"this isnt cadia, this is a fucking feral world"
>"??? what"
>You reach back into your memory, now that you think about it, that armoury door did look alot like a webway portal.
>Fuck.
>"This is Yagis VI, we just fought of some chaos daemons"
>You explain to the muhreen the situation at hand.
>The marines go back and loosely bark at each other, with strange chestpounding as well
>"we've decided we don't care, there are no guard outposts here, and you're probably a heretic, be lucky we aren't killing you."
>Medic girl is no where to be found either
>Can't you take me back to cadia, where ma' is?
>"I said be lucky we aren't blamming you"
>the marines take off, running like wolves, you're alone.
You are hungry
You are thirsty
Your inventory consists of..
Heretical Hotshot Lasgun
Bandages
Standard issue imperial infantrymans primer
The holy quran- I mean emprahs hymn book.
Some granola bars
A tinder box
>And the goddamn lochness monster.
The sun is setting
To the north you can see an outcrop of trees
To the east you see desert
To the west you see waterfalls
To the south you see tundra
what a diverse shithole of a planet you landed on.
Where do you go, and what do you do?
Shortly after taking the armor. Lets paint it green, the color of the Imperial Guard. Paint should be available in an armoury? Afterwards, do not become a SPESS MARINE, but remain a (desparate) Guardsman.
>>45446598
>To the west you see waterfalls
Looks good to me.
>>45446821
We've left the armoury.
>>45446854
>Waterfalls look alright, you could use a bath anyways.
>You start walking there, thinking about Ramsey aka medic girl, and what she's up to?
>Probably fucking a marine.
>This slightly bothers you, but you try to move past it.
>Arriving at the river stream, the current is fairly weak, and you see a small lake in an outcropping through the brush that looks like a natural hotspring.
>You hear a crack and a splash.
What do?
>You he
>>45446946
ignore the >you he
>>45446946
Find some sort of cover and aim at the general direction in which we heard the splash.
>>45446946
Take a peek, might be a hottie.
>>45447137
This nigga gets it
>>45447076
>You pull out your heretical lasgun and aim it into the clearing. You see red flowing hair, with the back towards you, and a humming noise.
>You also see midriff, she hasn't appeared to have noticed you.
>She appears to be a farseer, from your guardsman primer, you observe until she gets out {dat ass} and she begins to prepare a fire. She cooks up some strange bread. You're hungry as shit.
What do?
Roll 1d6, on a 4+, your hunger forces you to approach her.
>>45447432
Attempt to be cordial
>>45447432
What kind of Heretical Love shit is this?
Attempt to communicate.
>>45447777
quads actually confirm. I was doing this based off of esh from heretical love.
>"Hello senor I am from the orange farms, would you like to buy some oranges"
You attempt to use your civillized accent that ma taught you, it sounds exactly like an illegal immigrant. You notice she has a "Make Uthwe Great Again" hat on, uh oh.
The farseer is startled, blushes
>"BAKA BAKA kawaii desu ching chong blah blaj"
You cant understand her weird chink language, you turn on your vox translater
>"DUMBASS WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
She starts shooting you with mind bullets
Fuck
Already running, newtons laws dictate that an object in motion will stay in motion until acted upon by an equal or greater force, no such force has acted upon you, and inertia carries you forward into her breadline. Gives you memories of the days in the gulag
>IM NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE OR ANYTHING, IM JUST HUNGRY AS SHIT
She's about to blast you with mind bullets, what the fuck do you do?
Rolled 6, 6, 2 = 14 (3d6)
>>45447907
Run away and hide behind trees. When she gone go to see if she had any food in her camp.
>>45448146
nigger. that wont work. you have your face literally in her food right now. She is about to blast you with mindbullets. You cant run when she is literally about to kill you.
Rolled 6, 1, 1, 2, 2 = 12 (5d6)
>>45448333
split half a piece of bread and throw it at her. While shoving food down our throat to the point of choking to show we just want the food.
>>45448381
>You shove bread down your throat, and you try to throw half of it at her, this startles her, and she sees you eating fucking bread.
>its delicious
>"MONKEIGH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY FUCKING COOKING, I"LL HAVE YOU KNOW IM A FARSEER FOR UTHWE, I HAVE OVER FIVE HUNDRED CONFIRMED KILLS AND I COULD DROP YOU LIK-
>"Im just fucking hungry shut up"
>"BAKA GET YOUR OWN DAMN FOOD"
>"i am literally starving to death"
>"I DON'T CAR-"
>She's interrupted by a webway portal opening up and a strange man on a flaming motorcycle zooming through, stealing her piece of bread, and jumping out all while screaming "COCAAAAINEEE"
>She's startled, and you notice she's actually pretty fucking hot.
What do.
>>45449089
You gotta stay faithful to that medic lady, man. Don't fall for this wench.
Also, try firing at the fuel tank of the motorcycle to blow that random sucker up.
>>45449089
Something I've just noticed, we had granola bars in our pack. I'm pretty sure we just came here for water.
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>45449230
>>45449524
you try to fire at cocaine man, but you hit a mark of tzeench on the floor. another just as planne. he steals the bread, and promptly fucks off back into the warp.
>>45449383
>Oh yeah, ms farseer your excellency, I have some granola bars in my pack, would you like some? Ma' always said to share
>She's just trembling, you remember it said eldar tremble at slaanesh, unlike their evil emo cousins who seem to worship her/him/it.
what do
too late to join in on this?
Rolled 2, 5, 2 = 9 (3d6)
>>45449550
Throw some water on her, if that doesn't work throw more food at her. Then build a campfire to make toast. Try not to burn the forest down.
>>45449550
We haven't had anything to drink, we should work on that.
>>45449672
Everyone can join in man.
>>45449676
>You're about to throw water at her, but you realize your thirsty as shit>>45449709
>You go out to the lake and chug it down, with her still fucking trembling, you pick her up, and throw her into the lake.
>She phases back in after contact with water
>"STUPID MONKEIGH WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME WET. SO YOU CAN LOOK THROUGH MY SHIRT? PERVERT"
>"you were in a state of shock as ma calls it, she said she was like that when pa died :/"
>"I DON'T CA-"
She pauses
>"I appreciate you doing that, seeing such horrific things does that to civillized species.
>"Your pa died?" She continues, after noticing you glaring
>"Yessiree :/ In the front lines. Ma always told me to avenge pa againt xenos scum."
>"Did you just refer to us as scum?"
What do.
Also, i'm currently painting my ibraseal howling banshees, im horrible at painting, and could use some pointers, if anyone would be kind. I'll send pictures if anyone wants.
I'll also be replying faster.
>>45450813
yes'm i did xenos but you are just about the best scum i ever seen
Don't die damnit
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>45450813
Give her a detail that why most of her kind are savages and need to be cleanse from the galaxy. But she alright for the most part.
I'm not die yet.
>>45451470
Har har har
>>45450813
Roll 1d6
change the topic to her and herdelicious cooking
DON'T DIE ON ME
Oi senors. This thread isnt going to die.
I got class, i'll be back four thirty pm cst. Mark the time dammit.
>>45457074
Why are their heads so painfully tiny.
I refuse to let a good thread die!
>>45442749
>>"SISTER YOU SHALL BE SHINED WITH THE HONOR OF OUR
>>SPIRITUAL
>>LIEGE.
>Call out that space wolf for talking about the Spiritual Liege, we are innocent
>>45450813
>You just called me a stupid monkey, are you a hippocrit as well?
bamp
Bump it
Last bump.
>>45464833
>bump.
>>45451470
this if QM ain't ded
i am back. but i must return sleep.
could not cont today, had to play real fortyk, and do design work.
one final bump. I'll also right the rest
>Yes'm I did xenos lady, but you are top of the line scum, yessireee the absolute best I have ever seen.
>You, the people with primitive explosive powered weaponry, calling us, the former rulers of the universe. calling us scum. Fucking uncultured monkeigh
>Well you see, in my pamphlet, it says right here that all xenos are scum. I can't disgrace my pamphlet, else the commisar will git me.
>Commisar? This planet has no guard force.
>What? This isnt an emprah land?
>No, this is an exodite settlement I was tasked to protect. Meanwhile those fucking drug lords in commoragh keep raiding the shit out of cadia which keeps opening portals here
>Thats how I got here miss xenos
>Makes sense. Well, theres not too many ways you can go around with this, i'm not sure what a fucking disgraceful monkeigh like you would do on my glorious craftworld
Meanwhile, the universe stops to take a laugh
>on my glorious craftworld.
>Anyways, about your cooking miss...
What do?
>>45470586
Roll to seduce
Rolled 5, 2, 3 = 10 (3d6)
>>45470586
Roll to seduce
Rolled 6, 6, 4 = 16 (3d6)
>>45470586
Roll tofuckseduce
