Thoughts on my very first character development? I'm looking to improve and if anybody has any tips, please share. The game is Force and Destiny.
Svan're Ikthu is a Kel Dor, native to Dorin. At a young teen age, he had snuck out of his home one fateful night, for no particular reason other than to go for a walk. Thoughts of a certain female Kel Dor dominated his mind, and he needed to come up with an approach to woo her. However, a band of pirates held different intentions for the young Kel Dor. There was no good reason to kidnap this young alien, other than he was in decent physical shape and the pirates needed to expand crew. They stole him in the dead of night, using a device that released Oxygen in small doses to render Svan're unconscious, but not physically harm him.
>>44591434
Disoriented and afraid, Svan're comes to in a cell, where he was encouraged to follow orders, or suffer death. For about three years, he served the pirates under fear of execution, until a moment of pure chance. The band of pirates had ordered him to join a small band for a raid of a low-income, low-defense village in the Outer Rim, where he came into contact with a human in gray robes, enjoying a drink at a local bar. During the raid, this man neither attempted to stop the pirates nor did he attempt to join them in the looting. It was only when Svan're approached him and shakily demanded he empty his robes, did the man speak. He turned to the young one and simply said, "I sense greatness in you. Follow your own path, not those of others."
With that, the man rises, and slaughters each of the pirates with an Orange sword of light, very curious to Svan're. Even more curious, he left the young boy alive and even retrieved the keys to the starship and handed them to Svan're. Ever since, the young Kel Dor roamed the galaxies independently, smuggling, doing merc work, whatever kept his starship up to speed and kept food in his stomach. Every now and then, he would notice a mental voice speaking in the back of his head, not quite with words, but with ideas, concepts, guidance. Whenever he listened to his gut feeling when these thoughts arose, he noticed everything turned out in his favor and he held some unseen power. In time, he realized meditating enhanced this inner wisdom, and he became one with himself after about five years of meditation on the primitive planet Yalara, where he knew no pirates or otherwise would have need to come disturb him or the environment.
>>44591420
Anyone?
I didn't read it because it was too long.
>>44591759
don't know shit about star wars, but people here probably do
>>44585165
>>44591759
That sounds more like the backstory for a force exile than a jedi.
What kind of jedi were you trying to go for, if I may?
>>44591957
Gray, if not independent mercenary
>>44592166
...yeah, sounds like a force exile from EotE. Even Grey Jedi have formal training.
>>44591420
>no Finn as Judas
>>44592232
Hence independent mercenary
>>44592291
>Finn betrayed someone who died before he was born
Terrific meme, friendoid.
