LEGION OF EVIL ASSEMBLE!
Regretfully, it is time for a town hall meeting to discuss this. Yes, you all knew this was coming. Our Great Lord Maul has instructed me to deal with this so-called "Hero of Justice, Bene", and to be quite honest family, I'm out of ideas.
He stopped out skeleton army with but a small town's militia.
He seduced and flipped our greatest assassin.
And has stolen the Holy Sword Durandal.
Everything is on the table, how do we kill the Hero?
>>44561537
Have you considered the complete biological destruction of a major city while he is in it?
>>44561583
Destroying cities again huh?
Better be thorough, because maybe if SOMEONE hadn't let some little runt run away after killing his parents, friends and siblings before his eyes - then maybe we wouldn't be having this problem would we, hmm?
>>44561583
Drakath you always suggest this, and every time it doesn't work, the Hero ALWAYS gets an anonymous tip about the attack and has left the town or city by the time you actually use it.
Have we tried smashing his bones?
Send in a succubus to corrupt and drain him!
That always works. It's not like she's going to fall in love with him or anything.
>>44561607
Look, his face looked so adorable when it was contorted in tears at me murdering his family and despoiling his mother and sisters. How could I end that suffering?
>>44561619
Well if SOMEONE managed their spies and informants beter this wouldn't be a problem, besides I need to use my drakolich or the fortress on its back will seem excessivel
>>44561537
Take a nap. He'll die of old age by the time you wake up.
>He seduced and flipped our greatest assassin.
Also stop employing females and untrustworthy agents in general.
This happens every time without fail, one would have thought you would have learned by now.
First, get one of your minions to find where they sleep. Strap a bomb to them triggered by a button. Have them detonate next to sleeping hero.
Tell the minion he's got escape time if you need to.
>>44561665
How about we cast mass sleep on them and then kill them?
>>44561650
How will you make sure ALL of his bones are smashed?
Honestly, what we needed to do from the beginning was hire some decent bandits who wouldn't have one of their number suddenly murder all of them because they tried to kill a baby, then we wouldn't be in this mess.
have you tried sending him off on a quest halfweay around the world to confront the "greater evil" that you really just wanted to protect this town from?
Bring a plague of, well, plague unto the mortal lands.
Let's see him try to Lay On Hands by the thousands.
>>44561703
And what GERATER EVIL, is there? I am in this town!
>>44561718
Drakath, are you getting that assistant of yours to type for you again? The horrible grammar is kind of a givaway.
>>44561718
Oh sorry did you not hear the quotation marks? There is no greater evil, just a rival or something. and hell maybe it's nothing at all. att that matters is that you get the hero out of the way while you do your business.
>>44561687
But that requires more effort than taking a nap.
>>44561537
Offer him double play and each third week is a vacation and he can keep our greatest assassins as a harem.
Cast winter storm while he sleeps, and he will be so comfortable in bed that he will lie there until he STARVES!
>>44561607
>>44561687
Lord Hypnos tired that one, battled them in the dreamlands.
As you can see he's missing.
>>44561665
Wait... what if WE TURNED HIS TACTICS AGAINST HIM!
What's the name of that hotblooded childhood friend of his now again? The ginger fella?
>>44561718
Yeah! And what are you going to do about it?
>>44561769
Ronald Weasel or something.
He's gay.
>>44561737
I don't know WHO let the haemonculous type but when I find them fiends hellps me...
.>>44561769
Maria I think
>>44561774
What are you doing here? We settled this last time I won!!!
>>44561760
Cyril there's a reason no one takes your plans seriously, and this is it.
I have yet another ingenious idea!
As he battles, and goes through his hurdles, make sure he never fails, no matter what!
Also, make sure to always send all of your enemies at once!
After a while of doing this, heroes always suddenly disappear for whatever reason!
>>44561769
No battling them! Just use the nercophage! I did not waste my time for the asset to be squandered by short sighted idiots
>>44561760
that won't work, don't be silly.
>>44561814
.....how did you stop your minions from unionizing?
>>44561845
Well... I didn't actually, but one day my tactics will work, they MUST!
>>44561845
Lack of free will?
Why .. what do you use?
>>44561867
....I want to stab you so bad right now....
>>44561799
Wait - does that make this all easier or harder? Considering only his party ratio is 9/10s females.
>>44561801
>Maria I think
No you're thinking about the thief who joined him after he saved her life from her abusive gang leader.
>>44561845
>.....how did you stop your minions from unionizing?
We've been outsourcing them to a labour hire firm for years.
>>44561845
>.....how did you stop your minions from unionizing?
Apparently he didn't?
All these ideas are dreadful. All we need to do is let me poison the water supply, then we siege the town. It would fall before moonrise.
>>44561884
Was that the one I molested?
>>44561883
Oh, you always say that...
Hey, that gives me an idea for a trap!
>>44561814
Cyril, you're off your meds, aren't you?
>>44561801
No you dind't. Last time I checked YOU sent your minions to the Hero to spoils MY plans to awaken Ktrzxxcth the Headless Hunger!! Hiding behind the back of the Hero cannot be counted as a victory.
>>44561913
>Hey, that gives me an idea for a trap!
Why can I see this going badly?
>>44561945
WHAT!? You dare question my UNBRIDLED intelligence! I'll have you know I was ranked in SECOND PLACE in trap school!
>>44561910
No that was the bookworm cleric he rescued from her abusive abbot.
And she's been molested by every goblin and Malboro from Highcastle to the Twisting Forest.
Or maybe it was the morally ambiguous mage he rescued form her abusive Lord?
>>44561905
We tried that genius, the ranger warned everyone not to drink the water. maybe you should have used something that DIDN'T make the water smell off.
>>44561944
Only because YOU spoiled my grand return by casting perpetual blindness on that kingdom!
Besides , a win is a winl
>>44561962
We really do outsource to a lot of morally dubious local stations
>>44561959
Only because your trap didn't explode or catch fire like the other god knows how many ones you build.
>>44561959
My cousins aprentice passed trap school, and he's a FIGHTER!
>>44561968
Well you are going to have to suck it up as I'm returning now. And with a new plan to kill the Hero! I reanimated to corpses of his parents! There is no way that holier-than-thou idiot can battle against them!
>>44561965
It's not my fault that the only thing better smelling than my armpits is Drakath Mortifest.
And since you cheap bastards never spare a penny on decent poisons, we have to use my blood. Maybe if you didn't hire shitty assassin's all the time...
>>44561988
My traps are very effective! I have killed at least one person with a trap! Maybe even two!
>>44562001
A fighter that is very good at making TRAPS no doubt!
>>44561968
>my grand return
I still don't get the tactical value of showing up one week before the siege and telling them to "be prepared!".
>>44561981
Well no, we primarily outsource to ParanoicKings and Warlord.now, they in turn outsource to Corrupt-a-Lord.
>>44562037
It makes the battle more cathartic!
....it boost my ego
>>44562030
You don't understand: HE is the trap.
>>44562023
We fessed his friends and mentor( at separate occasions) he managed to put their spirits to rest with his angelic sword
>>44562071thats sexy
>>44562057
>>44562030
>I have killed at least one person with a trap! Maybe even two!
It's rather sad that they weren't the people you were trying to kill though, and one of them wasn't even a trap, it was a coffee maker.
>>44562029
Why not use the necrophage! I worked hard on that!
Also , what did you expect from an immortal lich? Perfume?
>>44562079
Well, but I have an ace up in my sleeve! I have lit them on FIRE!
>>44562118
Please tell me you did this in advance
>>44562118
>I have lit them on FIRE!
That is just asking for trouble.
>>44561619
But some of my greatest casters are female! It just comes down to knowing your minions. If any of them have fantasies or dreams of falling in love with the hero, or are NOT willing to do unspeakable acts, don't send them after the hero!
>>44562118
But what of the infamous DEATH HUG?
You would have empowered those who pull THAT move!
Did ANY of you tried to use a Save or Die spell on him yet? Casting it enough times would ensure his death. Send like, ten evil wizards with Finger of Death spells and he'll be fucked beyond reason
Then you capture the soul in a soul gem and ensure he can't be resurected.
Done and done
>>44562139
Had you considered the fact that by not sending them out and leaving in your base of operations they would have the perfect chance to send warnings to their husbando? Have you actually checked your stocks of Teleportation spell materials recently?
Flllrgl mrrrghrl flurglfrhg fffrrrgl murgle fllllyrgh
(We must drown the human lands beneath the mighty waves of the sea, only then can my elite warriors actually reach him and take care of the problem.)
>>44562129
So the Hero coud stop my plan? You can fool me once but not twice.
>>44562159
Last time we tried that the Hero got mobbed by a giant flock of pigeons which got hit by the spells instead.
>>44562191
mfngfllllrgfng mfldflnnngdfr brllllrlrdnfrffff
(My king! I did not expect to see you here, and ehm... I haven't really told the landfolk about our true motivations...)
>>44562159
The hero switched to 5e. The only save or die left is the level 20 monk skill.
>>44562191
Uh-huh, and how did that work out for you last time? it didn't, and now all the cities are waterproofed.
>>44562208
God damn it, sometimes it feels like the hero don't even do anything to stop us... like it was just filler... of his time.
>mfw keep getting water bodies in my captcha
>>44562178
Of course! What mined of caster do you take me for? A sorcerer!? Of course I check the stocks of reagents, every week in fact... although one of my runecarvers did send him a lock of her hair. Don't know how to feel about that actually.
>>44562251
>yfw you have no face
I got it guys! All we have to do, is set an orphanage on fire.
God dammit! Who wrote to the EvilWiki that corpses burn for about 18 hours?!
>>44562300
Hehehehehe
>>44562251
We should use those Droughtstones that wizard made, they completely annihilate all liquid water in an are when activated and then continue annihilate all water that flows into that area.
Actually, i wonder what would happen if you chucked one into the sea.
>>44562297
BRILLIANT! IT SHALL... uh. Hmmh. Uuhh...what would that do for us excactly?
>>44562311
And THAT way, no one can put out all the orphanage fires! It's brilliant!
>>44562324
Okay, so I haven't worked out all the details yet, but it'll totally work.
>>44562297
Hey! Didn't I fire you? Yes I did, you were the one who disrupted my Locate City Nuke by having sex with the one of the people I had casting it.
>>44562309
See this is the reason everyone hates you. And not in a good way.
>>44562324
Burning children might harm him?
>>44562297
If you do, do not light it up 18 hours before the hero can arrive there.
>>44561537
Destroy everything he loves, and you will destroy him.
>>44562360
2-0 to me
>>44562353
What? No, that was my brother, Lelion the Nuke Fucker.
>>44561537
I'LL THROW A ROCK AT HIM!
>>44562398
I can strap a burning orphan to the rock!
>>44562375
How do you destroy JUSTICE exactly?
>>44562384
Ah, what a guy.
Shame about his accident - he will be missed.
At least he died doing what he loved.
>>44562384
No, waitaminute, you were the one I threw to the Greater Fire Elemental, weren't you?
>>44562375
Wow, what a downer.
However, I have an idea! He cast an illusion spell on all of the town's prostitute's, making the APPEAR to be warriors!
Then, we fool the hero to raise an army to fight, but make sure they ONLY hire the false warriors! Brilliant, if I do say s myself!
>>44562413
Why exactly are you so obsessed with orphans? More specifically, BURNING orphans?
How do you keep your adventuring group in check? For me its almost always contingent wisdom draining curses on the items that I craft for them but renewing the curse everytime the barbarian needs to upgrade his belt is getting tiresome.
>>44562351
>>44562360
I mean, it's an evil act, yeah. But what would it do? Release dark essences and mana? We already have TOO much of that stuff.
>>44562426
>More specifically, BURNING orphans?
He's a Half-Fire Elemental, no I'm not sure how that happened.
>>44562413
I was just gonna throw a really big rock...
Hey is this where I hand in my curriculum to join?
>>44562468
Half Fire Elemental and Half Orphan? OF COURSE!
>>44562468
Fire Fucker is actually my last name.
>>44562432
Actually yeah, where is all that excess dark essence going?
Actually, does anyone actually know why The Hidden Master asked us to release all that energy in the first place?
>>44562471
To be honest, that rockslide was probably the closest we ever got to killing him.
Who knew the river would wash him up next to an elf druid anxious to see the world?
>>44562512
Wowzers, no wonder you're unemployed!
>>44562432
This kind of negative attitude is the reason we always lose! Does the Hero ever wonder if his plans work? No he doesn't! And still he beats us.
>>44562427
Falling rocks is a good classic? Sometimes if your plan is really boring or the adventurers are really stupid it works perfectly.
>>44562129
>>44562139
>>44562151
>>44562191
Uhm, my most sincere apologizes for the intrusion oh Great and Powerful Lords of Chaos and Darkness and Deviously planned traps, but I intrude with the most urgent of concerns!
>>44562518
See? Now imagine if that rockslide had several dozen tiny screaming orphans, and was on fire. If it didn't work, at least it'd be funny.
>>44561537
Does he have any family or friends you or some minions can hold hostage?
Have you tried seeking out lesser evils and indirectly prodding them into attacking him in such a way that their defeat will not adversely affect you? If so make sure they can't gain the upper hand over you.
Do you have any minions that are totally loyal to you that you can use to lure him into a trap with the old "I'm sick of being evil" talk?
>>44562548
Get on with it, we are busy
>>44562565
Yes, get on with it.
>>44562548
D- devious? That's... THAT'S THE BEST COMPLIMENT I'VE EVER GOTTEN!
What is it!? Take your time, of course, no reason to get on with it too quickly!
>>44562547
The problem is that I'm part of their group and I dont want to kill them just yet. You have no idea how much money I'm saving on minions when they do it for free and think that the raid on that temple was their idea in the first place.
>>44562557
>Does he have any family or friends you or some minions can hold hostage?
The last person I send to do THAT got married into the family by his deaf old grandmother.
>>44562557
How about planting a sleeper agent in his ranks, they will have memories of wanting to be good and reveal their nature to the hero, but in fact have deep buried protocols deep inside that will make them sabotage and kill the party, their memories a fabrication of our dark sorcery
Excuse me gentlemen, but I believe its time we use THAT.
>>44562547
JUST falling rocks? No, that won't do at all, that's boring! We must BAMBOOZLE the heroes into submission!
>>44562536
Well, it was either evil or elemental porn, so I went with the one that didn't give me half charred genitals.
>>44562595
That?
>>44562588
Good idea. Nothing hurts a hero like treachery from a friend. Just be careful for when that Heroic Resolve kicks in.
>>44562595
MIND YOUR MANNERS, You can't just bring that thing into public, we aren't ANNIMALS- Oh we're thinking of different things, aren't we
>>44562595
T-that?
LET ME KILL HIM!
THIS TIME I KNOW FOR SURE I WILL SUCCEED AGAINST MY BROTHER. TRUST ME, I GOT IT THIS TIME I WON"T FUCK IT UP. HE'LL NOT ESCAPE ME AGAIN.
C'MAAAAN.
>>44562595
Not THAT! Anything but THAT!
>>44562628
KILL him!? Now, don't be too hasty, we don't want to do anything ILLEGAL!
My god, we could be ARRESTED, you madman!
>>44562628
Last time you tried you tripped on a cat and fell into a ditch full of muddy water.
>>44562615
No, no, it is meant to kick in! But it shal be a ruse, the person they believe to be will In fact be a sleeper agent, programmed and birthed of dark sorcery, no resolve but that which we grant her
>>44562518
Well I don't know for sure where the excess is going, we can assume The Master wants it for a devious plan...doesn't mean it's NOT fucking with me and my arcane minions spellcasting and enchantments. We had the robe washer start BLEEDING for Gods sakes.
>>44562548
Oh what could it be now!?
It's simple, we uh.. kill the batman.
>>44562595
Oh c'mon, that never works. If it did, we would've won already.
>>44562654
Wrong conference hall, yours is down and to the left
>>44562654
Which one, there's an entire race of the bloody things.
>>44562642
No, let him do it. We can see if the hero can die laughing.
>>44562608
>>44562622
>>44562623
>>44562629
No need to be like that. Havent we been truly pushed into the corner? Using /that/ will surely defeat the hero, and any collateral damage will be less than letting the hero continue.
Unless one of you mighty lords has a better idea?
>>44562644
I meant the HR from the hero. The last thing you need is someone with a holy sword going Super Saiyan on you.
If he has the Holy Sword Durandal, then how about we combat him with the exact opposite!
The Unholy Pool Noodle of LadNarRud
>>44562666
Oh .. fuck. I always mess that up. Sorry, I'll move along. Good luck with your own evil doings.
>>44562654
And what would the slaughter of batfolk actually accomplish?
>>44562682
Yes. A marksman with no morals. If you don't have at least a small fortune or the means to get one you should probably leave.
>>44562642
>>44562628
And before that you even failed when you had Magnon, the Killer of Innocent, to help you!
Still can't figure out how that happened, it would have taken TWICE the Hero's strength to defeat him.
Guess he was caught up killing innocent children who reminds people of their lost childhood again.
>>44562689
>The Unholy Pool Noodle of LadNarRud
Dear lord...
>>44562688
They can't go Shan when they are stabbed through the heart by their trusted comrade while on the cusp of victory against whatever agent we send against him!
>>44562689
To be deployed when the hero throws a pool party. Truly your genius knows no bounds.
>>44562719
I see.
>>44562682
I have a truly MENACING idea! We have a button labeled "Puzzle"
They will take so long trying to figure out the puzzle that they will NEVER leave it!
But here's the truly EVIL part! The puzzle?
DOESN'T EXIST!
TRULY THE MOST DEVASTATING BLOW TO THE FIGHT OF GOOD VS. EVIL!!
>>44562695
ndflgrrrgfgfgndrrrrr
(Should kill them just for the sake of it, bloody flying pricks then they're better than us just because they don't need constant moisture to survive.)
>>44562682
How about we...*sigh*
Go and fight him ourselves?
>>44562737
That carries an ever-growing risk of losing. We save that move for last.
>>44562737
Why? That's what minions are for
>>44562737
Without a trap or even a puzzle? How barbaric!
>>44562753
If its ever growing then the correct move is to overwhelm him, I say we all show up in person and end him
>>44562737
*pfffffffftttt* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
But seriously, why don't we just set all his gear on fire? Or booby trap loot to explode when he grabs it?
Gentlemen, I two possible courses of actions which while would probably not deal with the issue should delay the hero for at least a few more episodes.
We could, and I quote, "Aciddentally" summon the great devourer of worlds, thereby creating a threat far greater than anything we could accomplish. This would necessitate that we "team up" with the hero to face this threat for at least five episodes, and that should trigger the ending to the season.
Another option is that we take a low profile, and all go on a long and lengthy vacation and outsource the job to another evil organization. They should be able to cover for us with filler work for an entire season until the hero defeats them.
However, this bears the risk of boring the gods and causing the cancellation of our universe. But the good news is that in the slight chance this universe we survives that, they won't be able to influence fate in the heroes favor.
>>44562565
A-as you wish oh most p-powerful and wise Overlord of all!
-Clears throat-
About 45 minutes ago a group of individuals comprised of: One scantily clad, black haired female mage, One blonde, female Cleric wearing incredibly skimpy looking Nun robes and who appears to enjoy being bullied, One highly skilled looking female thief with duel magical daggers, One stuborn, elderly male shield dwarf fighter, One human female ranger with short brown hair that looks like she came out of some sort of fairy tale as the main characters childhood friend, and finally, One brown haired, blues eyed, 6'2" tall, full-plate wearing, ANGELIC SWORD WEILDING PALADIN, entered the Lair and began slaughtering everyone under my command, before looting each room they entered.
Also, some of the men have been talking about unionizing Mi'Lord... Something about constantly being sent in waves against the Hero as if they were but mere cannon fodder?
>>44562778
Well, that is most amusing...
>>44562757
Minions that keep dying! How many monsters, shitty evil twins, minions, and mystic evils can we keep throwing at him and his ever growing list of accomplices before we just blast his Ass into mana-dust ourselves?
>>44562778
Did you try asking them to stop?
>>44562778
>>44562771
Which is the smartest god, and can he create puzzles?
>>44562798
I don't know. How many of them can you take on at once?
Let's send assassins to attack his friends. Patient professionals, not bounty hunters or some uncivilized trash.
>>44562798
It appears not many more, well I'm going to summon the doomkeep if you won't mind
Gentlemen have we considered throwing up a fake Ultimate Lair of Evil and making it a portal to the Demon Realm or rigging the entire thing to collapse on him when he reaches our "throne room"?
>>44562778
Why do these damned unions keep sprouting up? Oh, and I guess the heroes are a problem.
OF COURSE! I have it figured out! THE WAY TO ENSURE THAT THE HERO WILL FALL!
>>44562802
Well unfortunately that coarse of action was unavailable to us do to the fact that THE VERY GROUP OF HEROES THATYOU ARE TALKING ABOUT KILLING ARE MURDERHOBOING EVERYONE THEY COME ACROSS!!!
>>44562817
That would be "They-who-scripts-the-board-of-stories" who is matched in wit only by "He-that-authors-the-material-of-source", and yes he can create puzzles. While his riddles and plot inherently designed in such a way as to the hero being able to solve them, eventually, they do buy a substantial amount of time.
It's simple we uh .. kill the Batman
>>44562866
Wait, you mean that they are in this lair, right now?
>>44562849
It is quite the problem isn't Mi'Lord...
Well that and the HEROES slaughtering everyone...
We stop attacking them! If they cease to kill , then how will they become stronger? Then, we can continue on our duties and wait until we are powerful enough to OVERWELM them!
>>44562864
What could it be?
Okay, what the fuck is going on here, I have JUST come back from the bi-annual sacrificial meet-and-greet and I find that two of my best necrophages are making daisy chains in the courtyard of abominations and hugging each other, the sacrificial knife set my night mother got me last century has gone missing and someone has sanctified my bedroom!
I LEAVE FOR TWO DAYS AND MY BED IS NOW HALLOWED FUCKING GROUND.
WHAT IS GOING ON.
>>44562902
The Hero will just come to us. And they'll take that as weakness and attack with even greater ferocity.
>>44562885
Sadly yes...
Also there is the problem of minion unionization...
>>44562921
>Sadly yes...
Well, fuck this noise.
If you need me, I'll be on my yacht in the elemental plane of water.
>>44562890
Yes, yes, I heard you the first time. Now, who, specifacally, has been talking about unionizing?
>>44562936
FLEEING FROM A BATTLE!??! How EVIL! And not in the good way, and more importantly,can i come too?
>>44562951
>can i come too?
Sure thing, but don't mention puzzles or I'll toss you overboard.
>>44562951
Actually, I gotta bail, too. I have, a...thing, to do in the elemental plane of fire. So, you know, good luck with the hero thing guys.
I AM BACK, and I am not impressed with what o see , MORTALS DARE ENTER MY DOMAIN!
>>44562910
My apologies for the intrusion of your personal domicile Mistress! It seems that one of the goblin hordes saw something shiney inside and tried to take it for themselves, only to discover that it was one of your powerful artifacts...
As punishment I took the matter personally into my own hands and gathered up their charred remain for you
... In case you wished to revive and personally flay them yourself...
>>44562975
Of course, I have many topics that aren't puzzles, such a traps, and bamboozling the heroes!
>>44562994
A game of truth or dare? How scandalous!
>>44563017
Very well ill bite, truth or dare?
Dare, I hope I get to take my pants off.
>>44562938
Mostly the various hobgoblin tribal leaders Mi'lord. Apparently tribal tradition dictates only they may send their goblin soldiers and slaves into battle as cannon fodder.
The other group is apparently the Kuo-Toa we have (had?) On guard in the upper levels... Dispite their insanity, it seems even they don't enjoy becoming cannon fodder...
>>44563057
Go and kill the heroes!
>>44563049
Dare!
>>44563057
Wait, were we supposed to have our pants on? Oops.
>>44563074
Kill the heroes!
>>44563087
That's not very good sportsmanship if we just KILL the heroes though! When would we explain our plan?
>>44563099
We can summon their spirits before we torture them for eternity
>>44563114
Why not torture their wits!
With traps I mean.
Let's just build traps.
HuHA!
>>44563065
If the hobgoblins didn't want to be fodder, they shouldn't have run out of goblins. The fish heads are presumably used to having leadership roles. Put them in charge of the hobgoblins, and tell them that the hobgoblins are their own fodder.
>>44563130
We are not building traps
>>44563142
How else would be fool them? It's not like we can make them read classical literature!or could we?
>>44563167
We don't want to bamboozle them, we want to kill them and usher in an eternal age of darkness
>>44563187
Oh yeah!? Let's call a vote! Who wants to fool the heroes?
>>44563207
Me! I agree with you, and you are also very handsome!
>>44563134
I tried that oh Great and Powerful Overlord of Eternal Darkness and Dispair, But the Hobgoblins refuse to work beneath the fisheads, and the few times I was able to get both groups into the same room, the Kuo-Toa's insanity and devotion to their insane and incomprehensible gods caused them to see the Hobgoblins and their goblin slaves as food... It took kobolds nearly a week of continuous whipping to clean it up...
>>44563223
I agree with the allwise all knowing drakath mortifest
>>44563223
Did you seriously just put a fucking fake mustache on and vote for yourself?
>>44563248
...
Did you?
>>44563229
That's the point. They'll kill each other off, and then there'll be no more mention of unions. Especially not with the heroes killing the others off.
>>44563285
Well in any case, I don't believe that either group will continue with their plans of unionization due to the fact that THE FUCKING HERO AND FRIENDS hav e already slaughtered everyone on levels 0 to 564 by now!!!
-a rumbleing can be felt coming from one of the upper floors, causing dust to fall across the room from overhead)
-Sigh- Make that levels 0 to 565 out of 847...
>>44563374
Why do we not have 999 levels?
>>44563374
Damn, well, tell all the groups of minions that they are in charge of the other groups. Privately, without the others knowing. If you need me, I'll be in the plane of fire.
>>44563395
Because I already have 1000 levels!
Or... was it level 1.000...
Bah, no matter! For as long as we have the WILL to win, we CANNOT lose!
>>44563437
That's not how it works
>>44563395
If I recall correctly O' Dark and Eternal Overlord, the budget simply wouldn't allow for the full 999 levels of Eternal traps, Insanity inducing Darkness, amazingly mystical and Powerful artifacts, and Unlimited minions that you wanted...
You made the choice between not filling every single room with such Powerful magical items and instead only putting them on every other level, or only having 847 levels for our Lair... As you can tell, you chose the latter option...
>>44563486
It is if I BELEIVE that that's how it works!
>>44563527
Curse budgeting! Did the traps go off at least?
>>44563527
>999 levels of Eternal Traps
I like the sound of that!
>>44563537
No it dissent, we don't have the karma for that
>>44563607
I believe some of them did... Though 98.6% of them were set off by our own forces either charging towards the Hero and his companions, or were set set off by our minions retreating on later levels...
-another distant rumbleing can be felt coming from one the upper levels, probably one containing one of the many independently hired dragons-
...This of course was before I had been made aware of the Hero's attack... Also make that 566...
>>44563621
If I correctly recall at board meeting 477.62 you yourself suggested in all your most Wise, Intelligent, and most Deviously cunning nature that it should be added on.
>>44563731
*gasp* Did any of MINE go off!?!? Did I get anyone!?
>>44562415
>>44562426
Break his will. Crush hope. Eradicate determination.
Let despair reign.
>>44563437
Of course we can win... But only if you yourself would be willing to use your most wretched and heinously cunning Intelligence to personally lead our troops!!!
And perhaps if you gave us a map of where you laid said traps...
>>44563804
Huha, but you see, I cannot! For with my genius hindsight, I decided to not learn where the traps were myself, that way, I cannot accidently reveal their locations, as I have done many times before! I simply laid them out wherever I could.
>>44563786
Let the devastation begin*
.
.
.*via traps
what if we buy the roads into his town and over toll them to reduce trade, then when the town is economically crippled we go under an alias and offer a loan that has an unfair interest rate in the fine print. once we own everything in the town we sneak in like a million skeletons
bing bang boom dead hero
>>44563761
Of course they did most Cunning and Evil One! Plenty of your devilishly designed traps went off!
-nervously looks about while biting his lower lip-
-mumbles quietly- It's just that they only activated on our troops...
>>44563862
But YOU shall still lead our remaining forces in retaking the upper levels... Right O' Cunning Lord of Devilishly made, Devastatingly placed Traps...?
>>44563942
O- of course! However, how many are there, and how skilled are they?
Not that I can't lead ANY group to victory!
>>44563887
I'm saddened to tell you this O' evil commander of the dark forces, buuuuut.... The Hero and his allies are already on level 566 of our powerfu-
-another rumbling can be felt coming from above-
... Level 567...
>>44563887
So we just run a bank?
.
.
.
Jesus man, even WE aren't evil enough to run a bank
What's next, LAWYERS?
>>44564051
>What's next, LAWYERS?
You aren't thinking high enough. Politicians, now, that's the way forward.
>>44563990
okay okay
so how about we leave dummies that look like us around the table while the real us walk out the back door
>>44563980
Of our troops O' Vile Lord and mastermind of ALWAYS excellently designed and placed Traps?
-He would pause for a moment, doing what appears to be math in his head-
-would be mumbling- ...Carry the three... Subtracted by clowns.... Multiplied by the number of fish a Kobold can catch on level 782...
Uhm... About 37 human mercenaries, 17 dragons of varying ages and color, 45 Skeletons, 90 fully and half constructed Zombies, 12 of our Masters most loyal cultists... Uhm... 43 Kobolds and one lower level Druid under our control through the use of a command spell... OH and the Pasta golem that the head chef was working on!
>>44564102
-Bites his lower lip nervously- Unfortunatly... All of your previously prepared dummies are stored away on level 332... With the materials to make more having been eatten by the Kobolds last week on level 677...
>>44564117
And of course the full might of the doomkeep, but that's is under my personal control
>>44564090
An Excellent plan O' fiery Lord of Burningly Long Lasting Pain!
>>44564203
can i have it
>>44564203
MY control, bloody simulacrums
>>44564218
No.
>>44564218
No, it is my personal mobile fortress , forged from sangrinyte and soulstone and mounted atop the back of a ancient dracolich,
>>44564258
How much can I buy it for? I can trade many things, including money, or knowledge!
>>44563980
And as for how skilled they are?Weeeeell... Considering that we hired most off them off of a randomly picked job listing site and that most of the dragons just sort of... Moved in.... ?
-shrugs unknowingly- Eh...?
>>44564298
It is not for sale! It is mine and mine alone! I haven't used to instigate countless atrocities from it for nought
>>44564166
fucking useless kobold stoners...
and i thought i had those moved to the council room?
>>44564340
So like five gold?
What if I tell you how to kill...a god? *gasp*
>>44564373
Some of them were! How else would I have gotten hired!
>>44564380
.....which god?
>>44564380
-Gasps- Pardon my questing oh Dark and Disturbing Lords of Devastatingly devasting Traps buuuut... If you truly know how to do that, then why have we not been able to eliminate the Hero?
>>44564426
All of them! Er, any of them!
>>44564453
It involves traps, dosnt it?
>>44564403
no the dumm-get that pipe outta your mouth this is serious!
>>44564489
None at all!
It's quite simple really!
>>44564525
Very well, how does one kill a god?
>>44564542
It's quite simple really
Just stop believing in them.
>>44564574
No flying doom fortress for you, this transaction is OVER
>>44564574
But wouldn't require genociding the material plane? As in... Stop the very thing our most Dark and Powerful Overlord wishes to control?
Oh hi, guys! What are you up to?
>>44561537
What if we started doing good instead of evil, then the Hero would have no-one to defeat!
>>44564644
nice try we know that's you, hero
>>44564635
About to kill some heroes
>>44564635
About to trap some heroes
>>44564667
Why would you do that? Why would you be so mean to them? That's not nice.
>>44564644
>>44564644
By the Overlord of Eternal Darkness himself!!! The Hero is here? But how? How did he manage to pass through the remaking 300 some odd levels of the Lair!
>>44564724
He must be a Tactical Genius
>>44564635
Hoping the Hero hasn't gotten past the rest of Lair security...
>>44564724
Portals.
>>44564635
investing smart in unethical business
>>44564745
>>44564776
>>44564683
>>44564667
Guys, how a bout we sit down and eat some salad, and be nice to everyone?
Before it's too late.
>>44564801
I am a lich! The only thing I eat are the souls of my enemies!
>>44564821
Have you checked your phylactery?
