Hear ye, hear ye, I call to order another meeting of the Mage Guild. All involved, please attend.
We are in the throes of an emergency, my friends. An emergency! As you know, it's currently winter. We have an agreement with the Guild of Actual Seamstresses not to use magic to make clothing unnecessary, and they're holding us to it. Unfortunately, if you'll turn the Guild Charter to chapter 82, sub-chapter 18, page 912, sub-page 6, paragraph 7, you'll find that "all Mages of Appropriate Standing in the Guild must at all times appropriate to Winter Wear comport themselves in Mittens or Gloves with a Starry Pattern on Violet Background." The Actual Seamstresses, however, used all of their purple dye on clothing and banners for the recent royal wedding, leaving us with nothing. NOTHING!
This is the greatest crisis in recent memory. What can we do to solve it?
>>44000476
Why is this even coming to a vote, we're bloody Wizards. We just magic our outfits ourselves and if anyone has a problem with it we use our ability to ALTER THE VERY FABRIC OF REALITY! to fix it.
It's a non-issue, really.
>>44000476
Use magic to change the color of non-violet cloth? I don't quite see how the first part pertains to the second: how does not making clothing unnecessary affect our need for starry violet clothing?
>>44000476
You must be joking. Even my first year apprentices can easily conjure up mittens with any sort of pattern.
Well, except for James. But I'll be damned if I let that child best me!
>>44000619
I remember first year conjurations. Do they still do those fire proof pot cozies that look like animals?
My dear 'ol mum loved hers, made her an owlbear. Good times.
>>44000702
Why, yes they do. That's conjuring 101 after all.
And I do love it when they get creative with them, and do non-domestic animals.
When does anyone follow the damned dress code? In particular I have never seen a single sorcerer follow it, at any time. Not to mention the Artificers that wear whatever they want or have produced lately.
may I join? If I may, are there rules, and if there are, where can I read them?
I want to study aeromancy so I can peek up any girl's dress whenever, but some other mages have some "ethical" and "moral" problems with me taking up magic just for that. How else am I supposed to see what the lay sister is wearing under those robes?
>>44000476
We could, uh, go back in time and change the agreement.
>>44000476
How about Fuck them, we're wizards?
>>44000868Slap on a name tag (or don't) and join in
Hey guys, sorry I'm late again... wait, I'm not late? Well, this is awkward. I'm going to preemptively veto the suggestion to blow up the moon.
>>44000920
>mages
>"ethical" and "moral"
Who keeps letting these people in here? We are bloody WIZARDS!
We have a conjuration class that's literally "How to summon sexy outsiders without getting caught." and I'm pretty sure at least half the Chronomancers use their powers to bang historical figures.
>>44000476
>is already fully clothed in appropriate winter gear
Learn to stock up, and keep the stockpile away from the pyromancers.
On another note, we've gotten a few reports in town about a dog somebody messed around with. Now, we know it was a mage because the dog isn't quite a dog anymore and the farmer who owns it is very distressed about the whole thing. Apparently nobody can really identify what it's, and I quote, "kinda turnin' into" something with "bones in some places but not in others... a beak on its left shoulder... and an eye on the end of the tail that's just staring at everyone". It's still acting like it usually does; apparently it doesnt really notice or care about what's going on. Does anybody know who might have done this or how we can turn this pseudo-dog back into a full-dog?
>>44000985
Uhh yeah, r-right?
>>44000985
I don't know when you got those numbers from, but I can positively state that they do not represent current statistics.
>>44001003
I think we should inquire into a certain "Shoggy." I've heard rumors from across the multiverse about an eldritch entity that prefers dog and dog-like forms.
>>44001021
I got them from the Guild Accounamancer. He says he can't be more accurate then that because you fucks keep time travelling and it "Muddies the Numbers."
>>44001003
Sounds like it's been brought in contact with something from beyond. Go check with the Warlock department.
>>44000476
Screw the agreement! Resistance to cold and disguise self is all us wizards ever need.
>>44000985
>>44001003
Xander, can you please explain to Lord Telwavis the importance of maintaining appearances?
... Again.
>>44000476
Don't we have a closet with appropriate garments somewhere? Or did we lose that closet? or was that the closet we put the "special" fire elemental in and sealed? Now that I think about it, I think it might be both of those, would explain why we didn't try to get the closet back.
>>44001059
We're WIZARDS! >>44001054 has the right of it. Disguise Self is all the appearance wizards need. I haven't lived this long just to stumble on mundane needs like "weather-appropriate clothing" and "agreements with non-wizards."
Then again, I'm not sure how long I've lived. Between being dead for years at a time, being actually immortal, and the occasional time travel, my internal clock is sort of off. Can we get a chronomancer to weigh in?
>>44000476
We agreed not to make clothing unnecessary, but we never agreed not to conjure or enchant clothing. It's still necessary to have clothes, it's just not necessary for us to buy it from them.
>>44001116
Oh, first its screwing over the Seamstresses. Then we start disregarding other businesses and next thing you know the tower is infested with heroes. The Eastern wing still has magical anomalies from the last time that happened.
>>44001053
The Accounamancer is a fool! By my account there should only be one chronomancer right now who uses his abilities for cheap copulation! And I'm fairly certain there's more than two of us rigth now.
...
I think.
>>44001102
Wait, the oak one with the little bells carved on it? I thought we gifted that to one of the Senior Students as a joke?
>>44001135
Mr. Lawberg, can we get a definition of "necessary?" Some of us aren't exactly mortal, and don't actually need things like clothes, food, or air.
>>44001140
This is why I don't stick my tower in easily hero-accessible places. Accessibility laws be damned, I like piece and quite with some group of upstart murder hobos wanting to break my phylactery and steal my things.
>>44001059
>>44000985
Lord Telwavis, I know how tempting that brand of magic is and what you do in closed doors is your own business. However, we do allow the public to sit in on these meetings occasionally. While a lot of our members aren't the most decent or polite beings the public does generally expect us to be competent. Parading a succubus through mainstreet to the nearest hotel or outhouse definitely sends out the wrong message.
Plus if we piss off the wrong people, the government might cut off our sanctuary agreement. Our members will be free-game for every wannabe-hero, monster, and every entity they owe a soul to.
>>44000476
After much figgling and researching, I can declare that going backwards in time to steal our past selves Mittens and Gloves with Starry and/or Violet Background is perfectly withint the boundaries of our accord with the Seamstresses, as our magic will only take us back in time.
However, extimated colleagues, beware! As our contract still binds us, we cannot use magic to steal the Mittens or Gloves with a Starry and/or Violet Background and/ora Pattern!
Also, please refer to chapeter 81, page 48/3bis, paragraph 3.16 for the nuances of what killing your past self can cause.
>>44001178
Well, some of us can't afford such prime real-estate, unfortunately.
Speaking of which, I think the Accounamancers have been fiddling with the numbers again. I could only afford three kobold slaves this semester.
>>44000920
>ethics
>morals
>>44001003
As long as it serves its purpose as a dog, we're not obliged to act, from a legal standpoint
>>44001171
Oh yes that was the door. Don't recall the gifting, but I remember now the closet came back when we got some of the other lost ones back. Well though I don't imagine that the garments would still be in it, or at least in the same form with those fire elementals around them.
>>44001178
...Shit. Please hide in the basement while the legal department pressures the guild of dictionary writers to change the definition of "necessary".
>>44001196
Congratulations on another overwrought legal document and a completely unnecessary loophole. Why you keep getting promoted over me, I will never understand.
>>44001254
Mainly due to overwrought legal documents and completely unnecessary loopholes
>>44001189
I didn't see you disagreeing when a group of wizards turned up with extraplanar dates for the Queen's Ball and we ended up conjuring whipped cream and snapped dresses with mage hand.
Besides, I'm pretty sure we're allowed to parade Succubi down main street as long as we don't let them off their leash and they don't steal any souls.
Could one of the Legal Wizards chime in here?
What about our obligation to the Winter Jamboree? We would be breaking our agreements with the Gingerbread Guild and Adventurer's league if we didn't supply the magical entertainment, but the Seamstresses will be there too.
>>44001349
Hmm, this does complicate matters.
Is there anything in our agreement about conjuring the dye itself?
>>44001349
About last Winter Jamboree, what the hell was with those animated gingerbread men you made that ran away from my knife and screamed when I ate them?
Did somebody request them?
>>44001274
Excuse me for interrupting, but speaking of documents, a large amount of forgotten tomes were found in the faculty room, and I am afraid the library needs another enlargement spell to be able to contain them.
>>44001427
Wouldn't it be easier to set up extra-dimensional spaces in the library? That's how I sort mine. You'd be surprised how many books you can fit into a bookshelf that's bigger on the inside.
>>44001421
T-they were supposed to play with the children
>>44001349
>>44001421
Speaking of the Winter Jamboree, are we still doing the Secret Santa this year? I don't want to have to bribe the Chronomancers to get me a gift yesterday because nobody told me today.
>>44001427
Again? I could swear we just enlarged it. At this point we should just get together and create a Library demi-plane.
>>44001469
I don't think I saw that, must have missed it somehow. I'll be right back.
>>44000476
It's not all that challenging my brothers. We send a few apprentices to a neighbouring kingdom to buy purple dye. They will get real world experience too. Which person among us is proficient with teleportation and portal spells again?
>>>>44001277
Yes because we had no warning they would be bringing extraplanar dates. We were barely able to get a charm going in time. Anybody without guild membership simply saw normal, if highly exotic, women. We were able to convince everyone after the Ball ended that the whipped cream and everything were part of a highly important ritual that had to be done right then.
Of course you're allowed to walk a succubus down Main Street, but it's very discouraged. Remember the debacle when Old Mage Richard's slipped her leash?
>>44001465
That is true. Sadly, with the haphazardness of the enchanting of certain "less important" sections, there is a... slight problem with storage and disenchanting.
>>44001484
Yes, it was enlarged a few weeks ago. The amount of books recovered was quite exceptional.
>>44001517
Oh god, I forgot about that. Didn't the town guard chase her into a Schoolhouse? That was fucking hilarious.
Not how I would have thought to teach those kids sex ed, but hilarious. Didn't it take the High Priest and two Paladins to get her out of there?
>>44001505
Come on, old boy, we're a group of enterprising and erudite magefolk, aren't we? It can't be beyond the wit of our wits to craft some purple dye.
Which person reanimated the bodies I got myself for alchemical studies? They're running around in my lab again, I bet it was you, Telwavis!
>>44001578
Way I heard it, the headmaster _was_ a paladin.
>>44001393
>>44001601
I believe we had an agreement with the soapmaker's guild about making dyes, something about our dyes running into the soaps, or staying fast regardless of the quality of soap used.
>>44001617
Do I look like a necromancer, you bloody fool. Go talk to them before you start pointing fingers.
>>44001578
>>44001649
The Headmaster was a retired paladin. "Put the fear of the gods into them early" type. They managed to get rid of her after about an hour. Those kids needed the most thorough mind-scrub I've ever seen.
>>44001681
Well not that it matters, I just un-undeaded them again.
>>44001617
Sorry, that was one of mine. Some of the others are getting stir crazy being confined to the department proper for so long.
Gentlemen, the postal services have been complaining about the bridge again. I would ignore them but they've been having trouble delivering alchemical supplies, "can't work out how to get to the door" or some such babbling.
>>44002016
I told you we should put signposts up. Or at least drape some giant banners off the thing.
I CAST FIST !!!
(also I find that cloths hide my muscle magnificents, making my spells harder to cast)
>>44002016
Get some apprentices to go get the mail, it will be good for their training. And no, I don't care if the apprentices fail to make it back.
>>44001848
No need to apologize, nothing of value was lost.
>>44002060
I once took supplementary classes in the art of posing, it was quite fabulous.
>>44002098
You might not care, but some of us do. Attendence to my lectures is at an all time low.
>>44002016
Hah! Back in my day... well, actually, more like in my grandfather's day - we didn't have the bridge!
That's right! If anyone wanted to cross the void they'd have to get themselves a giant raven! Though there were less accidents with those than with the giant bats...
>>44002114
That's reassuring to hear, because the necromancy department couldn't afford replacing your corpses with our war on those vampires coming close.
>>44002128
Would you be happy if I sent some your way? There are way to many apprentices in the necromancy department as it is.
I once again suggest that we make gloves from writhing masses of insects in order to continously generate heat from their bodies.
It's genius still waiting to be acknowledged.
>>44002128
Well, you're doing cultural studies, which I imagine is - pardon - rather boring for most apprentices. Maybe you should spice your lectures up and talk about the reproductive cycleyes, in the lewd kind of wayof various races? You'll have all the students, that's for sure.
>>44002173
No, thank you. Necromancy apprentices jsut spend their time researching obscure undead horrors, and I think we can all do without a hoard of Wendigos this year.
>>44002187
That's your solution to everything.
>>44002217
Are you insane? Half my lectures consist of examination of, ahem, "cultural dress" due to pressure from the apprentices. And I get enough grief from the minority races regarding sexual harassment as is.
Besides, the tittering every time I say "Cloaca" would get aggravating.
>>44002016
Why don't you put the mailbox on the other end of the bridge? And then make the apprentices go get the mail.
>>44002345
What does your branch of magic even offer? The students all flock towards necromancy because of their desire for eternal life. You have to find a way to make cultural studies cool and hip!
>>44002218
Well, it was worth a try.
>>44002187
Not interested.
>>44002397
Why don't we just put a gate in the mailbox, so we don't have to walk anywhere?
>>44002345
Still wouldn't be as bad as the week they learned about Thri-kreen reproduction.
>>44002425
My department was made so people would stop trying to ignite the lizardfolk apprentices. They seemed to think the feathered head-dresses meant they were invading shamans, or some such.
>>44002458
I will confess, that disaster was my fault entirely.
>>44002187
Cut it, Arnold. You wanted to solve everything with bugs, including the ultrabugs invasion
>>44002425
Cultural studies should be merged with diplomancy and/or mind control
>>44002458
Who said anything about walking? Make the apprentices teleport. Or make them teleport the mail to you. Whatever works for you. The setup in my tower is the post gives it to the mail golem, and it delivers the letters to me.
>>44002514
>>44002458
>>44002016
I got it. The answer is portals. Every problem on this world can be solved with portals.
>>44002561
See, this guy gets it. If only more wizards were reasonable like this one.
>>44002514
Weren't we calling mind control "cultural studies" to get around those fastidious paladin check ups?
>>44002575
I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations.
>>44002502
>>44002218
I'm selling a fine art here and if you can't see that you're a cretin!
>>44002438
If it helps I have a decent pile of planning notes (totally not mad sprawling) that would totally legitimise my idea!
>>44002714
I get a feeling it just says "bugs" repeatedly, in increasingly horrid handwriting, eventually approaching the point at which it's just scribbles.
Actually, it might just be actual smashed spiders by then instead of ink.
Is everyone in the archive?
Is it even possible to archivepost in a /tg/ archive any more?
ALthough I think they might have their own website... I was on there briefly after a previous Mages' Guild thread...
>>44004445
>>44004463
Yes, there is an archive posting guild on the 4plebs archive.
