>Barbarians hunting for wives/husbands
I know this is a common theme in fantasy, but how would it even make sense? It's dangerous, involves fighting a lot of people with pointy sticks and might involve angry spouses and family hellbent on vengeance. Why hunt for a husbando or waifu when you can just pick one up? I'm pretty sure even savages would be allowed into most taverns if they promise to keep the furniture swinging to a minimum. Hell, there might even be peasants who are into barbarians.
So why the popularity of spouse hunts?
>>43962361
On an instinctual level, people kind of know that the less genetically similar someone is to you, the stronger your offspring will be with them, which is why they might have happened.
Mostly they were just popularised by pretty much everyone because "THOSE FILTHY BARBARIANS ARE STEALING OUR WOMEN! HATE THEM!"
it's not very common though?
Most of the time raiders are concerned with food and other raw goods.
>>43962379
I will take no cock given to me. I pay the iron price.
Amazon House Motto- "We Do Not Flirt"
>>43962431
I only take men with dogs.
Amazon House Motto- "Ours is the Furry"
>>43962431
>>43962445
"it ain't my fault that I'm to perfect, ya'll just bitches" -Lord Kanya of the West
>>43962379
>Mostly they were just popularised by pretty much everyone because "THOSE FILTHY BARBARIANS ARE STEALING OUR WOMEN! HATE THEM!"
But women don't care when their men are stolen? So if female barbarians steal husbands, the barbarians win because they get a new husband, the husbands win because they're liberated from their uncaring wives and the wives don't give a fuck?
Everyone wins?
>>43962361
It is said that the reason why Nordic people are considered beautiful by so many is because Viking raiders would kidnap women during their raids and then marry them afterwards. Of course they'd grab the hot ones.
>>43962938
>kidnap
>viking men were usually healthier, better groomed, and gave their women more rights
>KIDNAPPED
Keep telling yourself that Briton lmao
>>43962959
>Raped, burned monasteries full of Roman and Greek writings, and killed for no reason
>THEY DINDU NUFFIN TO ENGLISH WIMMINZ THEY GOIN TO ASGARD BOUT TO GET THEIR LIVES ON TRACK
>>43962959
¿So they craved nordic dick like early american women who craved native dick?
>>43962361
Bride kidnapping was/is common in some parts of the world and is a form of elopement. By kidnapping the bride the man preserves her honor because she was "kidnapped" against her "will" so if anything happens she can return to her family. There's usually a tacit understanding about these things so while families are usually pissed, especially since they lost a bride price, in some instances it can be better or even contribute to peace between tribes.
So the fetishy circumstances you want is a barbarian woman meets the third son of a farmer whose unmarried, likes him, so she kidnaps him to contribute to positive relations between them and their village (in her mind)
>>43962980
>believing the hype
Guess who wrote history? People who could write
Who could write?
Butthurt monks
Git wrekt Saxon dog
>>43962999
>the victor writes history
>except when it happens to be a victor who has distasteful features, then the butthurt loser wrote history
???
>>43962999
>Vikings couldn't write and most likely had no scholarly caste
Why does this make raping and pillaging unlikely, again?
>Inb4 muh roons
I know they had runes, but that isn't much when they don't fucking read.
>>43962361
I think it's largely the fault of English propaganda against all the fucking Scandinavian bastards that kept raiding us.
"These guys are douches who steal our grain and take people as slaves" lacks the umph of "They're coming for your women folk to turn your daughters into their breeding wives and whores!"
>>43962980
>English
>Women
Don't lie.
>>43963061
>"These guys are douches who steal our grain and take people as slaves" lacks the umph
We're talking about the fucking middle ages here faggot.
People lived from harvest to harvest and its quality was of crucial importance to a peasant's survival. Pretty sure they didn't want any oogaboogas to steal their shit.
>>43962980
They literally gangraped and burned you to death when your husband or master died if he was important enough in viking society. (see Fadlan's accounts)
Yeah, nah, I'll stick with the Celtic or other Nordic societies. At least they keep their human sacrifice to calendar holidays and don't make it horrific and lewd.
>>43962959
>>43962999
>>43962980
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeOfmt-R8Ug
>>43963074
I dunno the Celts liked to burn people too.
Aztecs still have the most metal form of human sacrifice though.
>>43963091
>We were bored so we murdered people for shits and giggles
That's not good anon.
>THE VIGINGS FOUND AMERIKKKA FIRST
So? Once Europeans discovered America they actually used their knowledge to do something.(Exploit the continent's resources)
>BLAH BLAH WE DINDU NUFFIN WE WERE VERY PROGRESSIVE N' SHIT THE GERM-ANS AND BREY-TONS WERE RAYCISS
>>43963093
>>43963074
Why not the Mongols? Don't know how to ride a horse?
>>43963129
>That's not good anon.
You only say that because you're bad at it.
>So? Once Europeans discovered America they actually used their knowledge to do something.(Exploit the continent's resources)
See? Once you were good at it look what you did.
>it's bad when it happens to me but okay when i do it
>>43963130
>Mongols
>Brought along the plague
>Ended the Islamic golden age
>Conquered tons of shit for no reason
Literally worse than vikings.
>>43963129
Dunno' I was just scrolling by the first page and saw some gentlemen discussing something related, so I came in to drop a tune.
>>43963135
>Once you were good at it look what you did.
>Europeans brought along science and infrastructure to the nations they conquered
>They did it all for wealth
>Vikings only raided shit, never built anything noticeable where they went
>They did it all because their ooga-booga tier religion tells them to.
>>43963129
You realise that North American colonisation likely would not have happened without the plague that wiped out 75~% of the original population?
It would have been far far too expensive otherwise if it were possible.
>>43963154
>Once you were good at it look what you did.
>Europeans brought along science and infrastructure to the nations they conquered
They also genocided the fuck out of anyone they didn't subjugate. Or are you saying the vikings should have just conquered you all and appeased your fetish for other men banging your wife?
>They did it all for wealth
>Vikings only raided shit, never built anything noticeable where they went
You don't shit where you eat, anon.
>They did it all because their ooga-booga tier religion tells them to.
They did it because they wanted other people's shit, stop getting your history lessons from HBO.
>>43963154
Actually vikings were first and foremost traders and set up a large trading network over the world.
>>43963142
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq-Wk3YqeH4
And spread culture, universal rule of law, egalitarianism, religious tolerance, postal networks, trade...
>>43963154
... You do realize that a great part of the Conquista was by catholics and the Inquisition, right?
The rest I agree with.
>>43963183
>egalitarianism
You sound like a c uck desu.
>>43963184
>Conquista was by catholics and the Inquisition
Christianity does not explicitly state to kill people to get into heaven.
For Vikings that's literally the only way to get a good afterlife.
>>43963182
>They also genocided the fuck out of anyone they didn't subjugate.
I know they killed and oppressed the colonized, but I am pretty sure that genocide was never done on a large scale.
But I am lacking in colonial history. Care to give me some genocides?
>>43963198
ANDREW.
JACKSON
OLD
HICKORY
>>43963183
>Chingis Khan
Top fucking kek.
>>43963206
>ANDREW JACKSON
FUCKED UP BANKS
EXTENDED VOTING RIGHTS
>>43963217
I didn't say he wasn't based as fuck anon butnlets be honest he killed aa mighty fuckload of injuns
>>43963225
Fair enough anon.
>>43963198
Start with the mapuche in argentina.On the other hand, it practically stoped the race mixing in the country. The bastards almost look european
>>43963017
>People who could write wrote history
>Literally not even reading the post you're replying to
>>43962361
>Barbarian character
>barely speaks common
>says his goal is "get mate."
>party just assumes he's going to drag some poor girl off by her hair, but doesn't particularly care because "lol murderhobo"
>Barbarian meets girl he likes
>Party is astounded when he sings songs in his native language to her and brings her flowers
I need to play this.
>>43963322
Bardbarian is a pretty cool guy.
>>43963347
Nice portmandeu. Probably going to use that.
>>43963198
Isn't this a thread about barbarians seeking mates, not fucking /pol/-tier historical revisionism?
> For Vikings that's literally the only way to get a good afterlife.
Except that's fucking wrong. The only reason people think all of Helheim is terrible is because they see a word that looks like Hell and automatically assume that Christians just stole the idea or some retarded shit. Helheim is just a place of rest where the dead go (except for one hall which is specifically used to punish those who were wicked in life). Warriors who die in battle just get a special afterlife in Valhalla because, presumably, an eternity of feasting and fighting sounds more appealing to a warrior than eternal rest and quiet, whereas the chance to take it easy for the rest of your life sounds better if you're a bumfuck peasant who has to work themselves half to death just to survive.
>>43963620
>peasants
>working hard
Now who's revising history, anon?
>>43963648
To be fair, Western history has always been dominated by chucklefucks in the city sniffing their own farts and convincing themselves life in the country was terrible.
Ironic, since work in the cities was often the stuff of nightmares for most of the 19th century.
>>43962361
All the weird stuff aside, I assume that high-level characters want to fuck high-level PCs, the same way that beautiful people are drawn to each other. Or smart people date in their own social class.
It's why Exalted usually end up fucking other Exalted, in the titular game. (And why ever Solar comes with a ready-made Lunar waifu/bro). Or why Paladins ultimately end up hooking up with angelic beauties and so on. Same for Sorcerers and elementals/demons/what have you.
>>43963129
>Once Europeans discovered America
You realise that Scandinavia is part of Europe, yes?
>>43962379
>On an instinctual level, people kind of know that the less genetically similar someone is to you, the stronger your offspring will be with them
That's actually only true to a point. Being too related to someone is bad, but being too unrelated isn't ideal either. Your best chances of having healthy offspring are actually with your fourth or fifth cousins. Obviously you want to err on the side of farther away than closer, but that's the sweet spot.
>>43963707
>why Exalted usually end up fucking other Exalted,
The other reason is that there's really very few other things that look as good as a Solar.
>>43963725
Really? I mean, as an Asian, I find dissimilar people vaguely repulsive. Like, I don't really find white or brown women attractive. Most of us marry other Chinese, too.
>>43962361
It comes from the idea that when invading barbarian hordes show up, they're going to carry off and rape all the women. Which basically happened.
All invading armies rape, it's a natural byproduct of murder and suffering in general.
It just gets taken out of context because stereotypically only barbarians are actually acknowledged as doing it. Though, if we're talking realistically, if someone is a big dumb brute who lives to murder other human beings it's pretty reasonable to assume he'd also rape people pretty often because it's really not that big a stretch.
>>43963072
Yeah but from a Monks point of view it lacks Umph. Monks were generally pretty sheltered like.
Not saying the vikings didn't do horrible shit though. One of the things they did was dehumanise the enemy. Supposedly it prevented mental trauma that one would often get from the way battles were fought then
>>43963322
Reminder that 19th century rural lovebirds in Tyrole exchanged shivs and knuckle dusters as boons.
>>43963129
Vikings were pretty progressive in terms of Womens Rights, similar to the Irish Celts.
They were also violent psychopaths for whom murder often only meant a fine.
The 2 are not mutually exclusive.
>>43963750
I mean, you aren't going to end up full Hapsburg after generations of marrying Morrocans the way you would after generations of marrying your sister, for example, but yeah, the risks for weird genetic bullshit go down delectably when you keep it at the sweet spot. It isn't obvious the way Hapsburgitis-from-incest is, so not's not an intuitive conclusion to draw.
And even marrying your sister only makes your odds a little worse. The thing is it compounds fast, so multiple generations of it gets dangerous really quickly, while marrying complete strangers never gets any more dangerous that it starts out.
>>43962361
This never happens, you just wanted an excuse to post your magical realm
>>43963723
Scandinavia has never been relevant except as a warning to others.
>>43963322
>Girl is scared and confused at first not knowing what he's doing
>Barbarian must learn the intricacies of the cultures courtships
>Gets nearly all of them perfect but due to a series of unfortunate events they all end up making him look even more barbaric
Aww.
>>43962361
It's deviated from accent tradition of rape and pillage.
Also its more of a kidnapped fuck slave, than waifu thing. Sure If they were smart/obidient they got promoted to waifus, but in medieval times it was more like "Free slave girls, after I spent time in army? Don't mind if I do." Nonexistent female rights + spending months on a ship/marching with other dudes without getting that pussy does that to people.
Fantasy usually softens the rape, and beating up till obedient to forced marriage.
>>43963725
Really?
That seems exceedingly dangerous for a species as genetically limited as humanity
>>43963725
This is optimal for sustaining same species without quicker mutations.
Doing it way outside your species sometimes account for quick jumps in evolution from mutation from combining traits. Of course it's not optimal in most cases, but that's how you have chance to combine best traits from both sides.
>>43963984
Looking into it, it seems like Third cousins is actually the sweet spot, and the reason it's effective it that it drastically lowers the chances of immunological problems between the mother and her infant. It's possible for the baby to end up with an incompatible blood type to the mother, and marrying blood relatives lowers that chance quite a bit.
>>43963093
True that, celts loved their human sacrifices.
>>43962361
It's so no third parties who are against the union like bigoted family members or rival suitors can interfere since the two of you will be long gone. It's essentially eloping.
Barbarians don't have to go through the family thing of "No daughter of mine is marrying a barbarian" and "But daddy I love him". they just snatch up their love on, put her snug on a horse and ride off into the sunset. Then the other folks fume for a bit, but then you come back a year later with a few gifts and a grandkid and its all good.
>>43962361
Well, my Half-Orc Barbarian's oath was "I feel it is my duty to provide children for my tribe." and she wasn't murderfucklol about it. She just sort of cossied up to the buffest member of our group and every so often made hints that he could be greatly rewarded for the use of his semen. Fortunately, the closest she got wasNat 1 on medicine check. I joked that she just masturbated the unconscious dwarf (Whom she had misread the disdain generated by him, thinking it was great affection) to check if the blood was flowing, whilst trying to think up what actual really stupid thing she could do. The GM then insisted that that is what happened. The dwarf player then told me that she took his trousers with her when she left him, as a momento of their time together.
It is now a running theme in our RP's that, any time I play a female character, I end up with a pair of dwarf trousers in my inventory. It happens surprisingly often...
But yeah, I don't ever go murderfucklol. Maybe make a few too many dick-jokes, but the way I see it, Barbarians want strong women to provide strong children, not weak ones that are easily kidnapped.
>>43963648
You try fucking farming in Norway and tell me its a cakewalk.
>>43964299
Sheep'll do it.
>>43964313
Great, so you have meat. What are you going to eat so you don't butcher your sheep? How are you going to avoid scurvy? What are the sheep going to eat, moss?
>>43964339
We've got sheep.
Oh look, another blatant weeb fetish thread that has nothing to do with traditional games.
Just go to your cancer containment boards if you want to wank.
>>43963796
Wergild wasn't exactly 'just a fine', but yes, you could pay off murder.
It was better than having two families/clans/... murder the fuck out of each other in a blood feud.
>>43964524
Wergeld (with an e, bitchboy) or weregild, either go for the fully english version or the original one
Literally means man-money
>>43963796
youz a negro
>>43964552
My point was more that the "man's price" was a hefty sum Average Joe of that time would have had a hard time gathering.
>>43964658
Really, the whole whole family is expected to contribute to the wergeld, because they're buying their way out of a family-wide feud. It isn't just Joe Murderer whose life is at stake. And you can bet that the rest of his family will be pissed at him for making them shell out even if they would stick with him through the blood feud they're preventing.
>>43963217
HIS ONLY REGRET WAS THAT HE DIDN'T KILL GOOD VP IN A DUEL.
HE WAS PULLED OF A WOULD BE ASSASSIN AFTER BOTH PISTOLS FAILED TO FIRE, BY HIS AIDS. YES, A WOULD BE ASSASSIN HAD TO BE DEFENDED BY THE PRESIDENT'S AIDS FROM THE PRESIDENT
>>43962959
>>43962980
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJqEKYbh-LU
>>43963243
>On the other hand, it practically stopped the race mixing in the country
So Argentinans are pure African?
>>43964081
Only according to Caesar. I can't recall any other sources saying they sacrificed people.
>>43964461
oh look another no fun allowed dillweed
>>43965068
Because it's so hard to go to the fully functioning boards that exist for the purpose you want.
Just go jerk off there.
>>43962361
basically they try to parallel how barbarians find their wives/husbands to how animals find their mates
equating said barbarians to animals
of course there are historical examples of soldiers taking wives out from the defeated enemy.
>>43965083
i wish i could stuff you in a locker over the internet you nerd
>>43965163
Too bad the only one that got stuffed in a locker was you, weeb fag.
The only muscle you have on you is on your wrist from jerking off to your sameface animus all day.
>>43965197
>weeb
Have you even read this thread? It's not /a/, it's /pol/.
The OP picture is honestly not indicative of anything.
If you want proof, see:
>>43964962
>>43963243
>>43963129
>>43962980
You don't tell a man he has lung cancer when he actually has prostate cancer.
>>43965056
Good ole Iulius isn't good enough?
>I know this is a common theme in fantasy
Where? I've never seen it come up once in anything I've played or read.
>>43967475
Not really, no. De Bello Gallico, while one of the few historical sources, was basically written in a time before objectiveness in writing history became a thing.
>>43963142
>Ended the Islam
Mongols seem alright by me
I want /pol/ and /his/ to leave.
>>43967849
No!
>>43963129
>dindu nor-thing Bork Bork Bork.
>>43962361
Y'know why all the Brits have horrible teeth and Innsmouth look, while Scandinavian people are good-looking and healthy?
I'll give you a tip; it's because of vikings.
>>43968436
I thought Scandinavians were dark and malnourished.
>>43968583
I laughed, and now I must apply cold water to burned area.
>>43962850
The wives wouldn't be happy, but to a degree it's expected that society will lose a percentage its of men in conflicts.
>>43967779
> Ended the Islam
> Mongols seem alright by me
If you dislike Islam on account of modern terrorism, that actually was unfortunate. The Mongols basically killed off all the Islamic scientists and philosophers, so instead of becoming civilized and enlightened over time, they stagnated and went into a dark age from which they basically never recovered.
>>43962361
Gotta get dem stronk battlewaifu genes, mang.
>>43968846
I don't know why but that image is really working for me.
>>43968887
Nothing better mang
>>43962814
>implying Lord Kanya's consort isn't a Halfling
>>43969334
It's not a Halfling, it's clearly a Construct of some kind.
>>43969074
I like the Saiyan version better.
>>43969355
Silcone Golem.
>>43969334
That is not funny, and it is not true.
Yes, Kim is heavier than most of her pictures show her to be. Yes, she gets her hair lasered off her body. Yes, she has a friend named Gandalf who happens to be a wizard. I'm sorry, excuse me a minute.
>>43969557
Okay, if my fiancée Kim's a hobbit, then how come she don't live in a hole in the ground? BOOOOOOM! All y'all just got lit up, cuz! She don't live in no hole in the ground, she lives in a big-ass mansion, with me, in her room, that is slightly below ground!
>>43969591
She, she is sexy, and womanly, and she smokes a pipe. She can blow them rings that go up over her head, and… that is not a hobbit pipe, for your information! It is a personal oral humidifier to keep all the wrinkles around her mouth from showin'. So haha, all you haters, HA!
>>43969334
>>43969557
top lel. i needed that today anons. made my evening
>>43964461
>>43965197
And then anon was a faggot.
>>43962361
In my setting its actually rather common among the 'barbarian' groups who survive out in the wilds. The reason is simply because the men take the brunt of the losses in life to protect their people. This naturally REALLY turns up the heat on competition among the women for the remaining men. Due to magic and barbarism combined with the competition barbaric women aren't anything to laugh at.
Quite naturally some of the women are gonna go without mates...assuming that is they don't look for a spouse elsewhere.
This is also true for male barbarians because lets be honest many their women are a pain in the ass to deal with and some of the guys will naturally much prefer a spouse who isn't particularly one who is 'exotic'.
So this led to spouse hunts existing among both the male and female barbarians. Often times the spouse hunt will take them outside their own peoples and regions where they will look for one.
This is an unfortunate truth for their neighbors and their actions can 'improve' relations between them or even worsen them should the wrong person get grabbed. Both have long long histories of going down.
When you lived nearby as neighbors it was commonly accepted you needed to watch out for the spouse hunts to go down so as to know when to lock up as well as hide your sons and daughters.
>>43962361
>tfw my barbarian's "carving out a better life for herself" goal is actuallyspouse hunting
>tfw that campaign died after it's first session and the party is now stuck in a dank cave shortly after agreeing to take a job to investigate mysterious disappearances
>>43962384
Except there's those tribes in Africa, where the "wedding" is the husband stealing his bride without her family catching him. It's sort of a proof of worthiness type thing.
Plus, who wouldn't want an oni wife?
>>43971023
>oni wife
>implying you aren't the wife
>>43971091
Does she princess carry her wife?
>>43971255
Liz is best girl
Liz has best partner.
Kinu a shit.
>>43971255
absolutely.
either that or over the shoulder
>>43962361
Mythic legacy, tribal conflict and avoiding incest. Sure long winded diplomacy and exchanges of gifts and bribes for the daughters of the other tribes work but do you know whats economic and much faster?
Kidnapping, raping them and killing their family when they come after you, and as a bonus you get their lands and herds too!
>Playing in a setting where there are few people at all, let alone of the same races
Even just a normal person finding a possible let along desirable spouse is a challenge. To find a good spouse, is definitely quest worthy.
>>43967539
>objectiveness in writing history became a thing.
just came here to laugh at this post
Oddly, my setting places most of the monster races far from the more civilized ones so it doesn't occur often. The only big occurrence was actually just fae date raping and tricking a sizable amount of deep gnomes into having regular gnome offspring. The hobgoblins that have to deal with orcs just shrekt them on a daily basis due to better technology... My setting isn't kind too savages.
This thread is /his/ gone wrong...
>>43969358
>>43969074
>>43968846
Did Plague did this one as well? It seems less sharp on the edges.
>>43974075
>Implying /his/ isn't gone wrong already
Stealing husbands isn't historically accurate though.
>>43974208
Yeah, >>43968846 was cause he wanted to make his own setting for those OCs rather than just have them be saiyans
>>43962361
Way, way, WAY back when (round the Iron Age and Migration Periods) population centers tended to be fucking tiny as hell, and in many cases likely didn't have a lot of spousal options around in the local tribe/clan/whatever, and you might even be related to most of the local families.
So you basically had to go looking elsewhere for a wife, and that often meant another tribe or clan or whatever.
But also it's cultural extension of "barbarians come to despoil our cities and ravage our women" that Rome had going for it. Which to be fair is sort of what they did, though sexually assaulting women has less to do with barbarism I imagine and more to do with people turning into assholes during wartime.
>>43974595
Fun fact: The invention of the bicycle increased the average distance between English spouses from 1 mile to 30.
>>43962938
Actually it's because a common thing in Viking forefather cultures (Danes, Gaets, Jutes, etc) is taking pride in personal appearance so grooming and bathing was something they did a lot of. We still find combs and such that sailors carried with them sometimes.
That and a general appreciation across much of Europe (and even the world in some arguments) for tall blonde people.
>>43962980
Actually, almost all reliable historical evidence of Viking forefathers speaks more of them trading and bargaining rather then raiding; they could reliably get places faster with their excellent sailing skills and we find TONS of records of how much stuff they traded for and in how many amounts and so on.
There were raiders who hit monestaries of course, but since monestaries were often filled with the only literate people for miles, we usually only see the monks point of view.
This even extends to views of their religious beliefs, which were a bit more complex then varied then we associate with Norse pantheon stuff; a lot of that is filtered through their POV's of the Roman/Greek Pantheon gods, even though there's plenty evidence to suggest that there wasn't really a unified cosmology or belief among them except the Sagas, which were actually written centuries AFTER the Vikings stopped doing their thing.
>>43974645
How curious
Also: who in the fuck wasted all that time figuring out THAT little factoid?
>>43963620
What's funny is that some "Vikings" (actually a massive smattering of vaguely linguistically related but different cultures) might not even have believed in Valhalla.
There's evidence that some worshipped Woden, some Tyr, some Tor, sons Freyr, and some none of them and then worshipped nobody else we know of or even acknowledged the existence of other deities then just the one they worshipped.
Religion before the Catholic Church rose to define it was stranger and more random, and only rarely was there some kind of "unification" of various similar belief systems, especially in Migration Era Europe when various unrelated tribes and cultures were fucking everywhere.
>>43964277
>the way I see it, Barbarians want strong women to provide strong children, not weak ones that are easily kidnapped.
This.
My Barbarian is sort of 50/50 on the "Knock out and drag back to cave" because he only does it to the strongest. As in, whenever we go to a new town, I ask "Who is the physically strongest woman in town, I wish to make her my wife." like it's the start of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
>>43968867
The Mongols must have seemed so random to everyone, I swear to god.
Some tiny non-unified tribe (Mongols was the name of JUST Temujin's tribe, not every culture in the region) unites itself and over the course of the next few decades steamrollers half of the fucking world into ground and then let's their massive empire fragment because they literally don't care about it one way or another.
>>43974305
>those tights
Every time.
>>43963958
>that hand-check
>>43962361
I actually have both genders of orcs do this, for reasons that have been lost to time them and elves are twisted reflections of each other and they share a root drive to dominate/show their superiority, though orcs tend to be more on the physical/militaristic and elves tend to be more social/political in their focus
Orcs and elves share a common ideal of beauty because of this relationship, one skewed towards an androgynous swimmers physique, this leads to the whole "All elves look female thing and given that orcs tend to be much more muscular it leads them to look outside their race, with both males and females to kidnap members of other races for mates during raids, or if they're prosperous enough, go looking for marriage opportunities outside their race.
>>43974961
>and then let's their massive empire fragment because they literally don't care about it one way or another.
They got a Conquest victory and just stopped giving a shit.
Much like America letting everything go after the Cultural Victory in the 80s.
>>43969183
Battlewaifu or Battlehusbando is mandatory.
How else are you going to know they're worthy of your storied bloodline?
>>43962850
I personally would welcome my new strong barbarian waifu.
If only if only
>>43963726
>The other reason is that there's really very few other things that look as good as a Solar.
that was literally his point.
when you are that awesome, why would you waste your time on a farm girl?
>>43962361
Simple genetics / eugenics
Barbarians who do NOT get the strongest mates have weak children who do not cut it as barbarians.
By finding the most /fit/ mates barbarians ensure their children would have superior genetics and a superior chance at life
>>43970975
>Dat pic
>I wonder what game this is from
>Do google image search
>Not a game, porn
>Scat porn
fucking hell. and google saves everything too
>>43978274
>you may suck at googling
And you may be retarded. or lying.
I found it on multiple sites, they all appear to be the same. On EH its called
>[Umasugiyu (Nezumin)] Rurou no Kishi | Exiled Warrior (The Elder Scrolls) [English] [Decensored]
its definitely got scat
>>43978325
specifically pages 153-156
>>43962379
Not actually true
>>43978565
Not him but I do remember seeing at least two different versions/works with that orc lady
>>43962379
>On an instinctual level, people kind of know that the less genetically similar someone is to you, the stronger your offspring will be with them, which is why they might have happened.
that is complete nonsense. the instinct is for pheromones that carry "mgh" molecular fingerprint used by your immune system to self identify your cells. By comparing how different it is you can identify and be repelled by the smell of family to avoid incest, you also find people with far removed mgh signature to be more attractive since it is best for your immune system to have a wide variety.
Physical strength has absolutely nothing to do with it, and in fact incest is not reducing your childs physical strength, this is purely about your immune system
>>43962361
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rape_of_the_Sabine_Women
Barbarians in real life were drawn to the idea as well. It can't be THAT far-fetched.
>implying it's only Barbarians
Rangers do it too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7OJs10y5t0
>>43963777
I'd actually posit that it lacked umph from a 19th Century historian's perspective, so they kicked things up a notch.
Seriously, fuck the Victorians.
>>43962361
It's hot
>>43982836
/thread
>>43963183
hooold up
genghis khan was cuc ked?
>>43983293
The guy had more wives then you have people you're on a first-name basis with. I'm pretty sure he didn't even care.
He could always kill that guy later. In fact given how he got his wives (by conquering an entire area and killing a shitload of people), chances are he DID kill a bunch of guys for her.
>>43983293
Bitches ain't loyal, and nobody knows this better than Great Men who spend a lot of time away from home. There's a reason why Napoleon said he loved Josephine but never respected her.
Supposedly, he once started one of his letters by saying he didn't love her and that she was a foolish slut, and ended it by saying he wanted to crush her between his arms.
Bitches ain't shit.
>>43978056
>when you are that awesome, why would you waste your time on a farm girl?
It's called "slumming."
>>43976528
>every single night, the decision of who's on top is decided by a wrestling match
>because of this, it's quite a loud and rough affair
>when this couple hits the tavern, men and women stay away for fear of drunken rage over jealously guarding their lover
>long healthy life and by extension longer sex life
>strong healthy children
I must now become /fit/ for this to happen
>>43983998
>I must now become /fit/ for this to happen
100 push ups, 100 sit ups, 100 squats, and 10km run. Every day!!!
>>43984167
One Thrust Man
>>43984607
>implying that's a good thing
>>43984634
Wouldn't be good for you, but I assure they would tell great legends of your dick
>>43984783
>implying women would have ANYTHING good to say about a guy who comes after one thrust
>>43984607
>One Thrust Man
nice. top kek
>>43984634
>implying that's a good thing
while normally it would be a bad thing, that is because normally a man cannot satisfy a woman if he finishes in one thrust. Like how a man can normally not slay a giant monster with one punch.
The reason saitama is so awesome is that a single thrust is all it takes for him to completely satisfy any woman. He goes around defeating raging giantesses and she dragons and the like, saving the populace from their rampage by satisfying them completely with a single thrust of his mighty tool
>>43984814
It is also worth noting that he is not the one who is finished after one thrust, it is the women who are.
He is raring to go, and in fact wishes it would last longer. But they are completely done for after a single thrust
>>43984634
>>43984783
Not one thrust to finish, one thrust for her to climax
>>43969380
>>43984832
There was an Oglaf comic about that
>>43984876
yes, yes there was.
>>43984848
that is an eloquent and far more concise way to explain it than mine. good yob anon
>>43984888
I'm glad we agree
do you think a barbarian waifu would bring you back trophies from her latest kills as present like a cat
>>43984796
>>43984814
Hilariously, one guy over on /d/'s gentle femdom threads trained himself to be a premature ejaculator because of his fetish
Turn out most women he got with actually found it flattering which was not his fetish
>>43984686
>be Fighter with big sword
>party includes this Half-Orc Fighter chick
>good heart, clever, funny, lots of fun to be around, flanking buddies for life
>party rescues local noble's daughter who was kidnapped by a rival family
>duke throws us all a big fancy party, tailored suits and frilly dresses everywhere
>Half-Orc shows up
>Bard took her out for a "girls' day" to pick out a dress and shit
>mfw she walks in the door
>>43985041
hahaha
this is hilarious
anyone got a screencap?
>>43985048
>Having two fighters in the party
>>43985010
Depends. If she respects you? No.
See, when a cat brings you dead shit, it's actually insulting you. It thinks you can't hunt for yourself, and is trying to teach you how, like it would a kitten.
Now she still might bring trophies home if she DOES respect you, but then it's more as a contest thing. You should have a trophy too, so that the two of you can compare and determine who's the bigger badass.
>>43985119
>not being a two-player hammer and anvil
>not having sword-and-board tie up the enemy's attention, while zweihander flanks and spanks
>playing 3.pleb
>>43985048
>>43985010
Of course she will
Hope you don't mind getting snu snu'd on some of her more impressive kills
>>43985074
Sadly no, probably somewhere in the loveisover archives though
>>43984796
He doesn't come after one thrust, they do.
Hence why he's a sex god but is personally unsatisfied all the time.
>>43985048
>she dances with the noble's daughter and not you
>>43974208
What the fuck are monkey doing on our planet?
Kick them off!>inb4 it's sayans
>>43970975
the prolapse always turns me off
this fucking artist and his prolapses
does he even remember how to draw a vagina that doesn't belong to a horse?
What do you guys mean by "in my game" or "in my setting". Is this an actual videogame or one of the board games?
>>43974208
all I see are two dead monkeys.
>>43985010
I would proudly hang them over the fireplace like the animals they are, elves don't deserve to live, and dwarves may be better than elves, but not barbaric humans or orcs. Just because they have a longer lifespan doesn't make 'em better. They say a candle that burns half as bright burns twice as hot.
>>43985010
No, that's what you're supposed to do.
>>43986669
> You'll never be a badass Predator trying to hunt down the biggest, baddest creatures in the galaxy
> You'll never succeed at said hunts to impress the females
> You'll never bang your matriarch...
>>43963182
In what is relevant to this thread, I understand a major motivator for young men to join a raid on distant shores was the fact that stolen wealth could get you a wife.
>>43985010
>TFW no badass waifu who brings home some massive beast she's slain everyday for you to cook for dinner
>>43986735
I want to be the huntress's house husband though
>>43980130
>Romans
>barbarian
Stay mad, Etruscans.
>>43974208
I like this one better
>>43986669
>their hunting requires skill
>they don't just stealth laser everything to death
>badass
>being worthy of anything
>>43993843
That's always sorta bugged me about them too, they don't really hunt in a way that proves their skills, just their tech
>>43978110
You can clear your Google history. You know this, right?
>>43992017
>Early Romans
>Not barbarians
What, you think civilization came from nowhere?
>>43965197
Dude stop projecting your insecurities, it's okay you own a dakimakura, we don't judge, much.
>>43996038
>You can clear your Google history. You know this, right?
Its cute that you actually believe that.
>>43996369
Everyone knows it came from the Greeks
>>43997238
>laughingbabylonians.jpeg
>>43963347
>>43963384
It's also a fun tower defense game on Steam
>>43962379
actually not statistically true. Your offspring will be generally more adaptable, but will never be as well protected against disease as a purebred local.
>most disease-resistant genes found in Iceland
>where most of the population is related and homogenous
>theorized that strong immune systems come from living in fucking freezing Iceland for millenia
>>43963173
And the plagues of the early 1300s eliminated the Scandinavian population pressure that drove the Viking age colonization efforts, triggering the draw down and then abandonment of the Viking age colonies (except Iceland, which was economically self sustaining).
Germs are an important driver of history.
>>43999558
This is why Iceland must do its duty to become a heterogeneous society.
Homogeneity has no place in Western society.
>>43999558
That's not actually true at all. Iceland has specific mutations that massively increase genetic fitness. These would be selected in all cases of cross breeding. Hence the homogenization of Iceland just means that those disease resistant genes have been bottled up rather than spread across all humans.
It's like the central African communities that contain immunity to AIDs and malaria. All of those genes would be passed on to children mixed race or not because of the massive advantages to genetic fitness they incur.
>>43999711
>These would be selected in all cases of cross breeding.
Really? I'm not convinced those are dominant genes.
>>43968867
>The Mongols basically killed off all the Islamic scientists and philosophers, so instead of becoming civilized and enlightened over time, they stagnated and went into a dark age from which they basically never recovered.
What happened was more like that they picked MUH CONSTITUTION over progress, which is patriotic as heck, or so I heard.
Or rather they correctly figured that the only way of having a working legal system based on a code of law that is basically a livejournal full of derp, shit grammar and typos was to freeze the legally possible means of interpreting it down hard.
>>43999738
Genetic selection has nothing to do with dominant or recessive genes. Selection is done entirely on the basis of changes to genetic fitness if something makes you more likely to survive and have children it will be selected for regardless of dominant/recessive. Being dominant can help speed up an adventageous gene spreading but is not a requirement.
Take for instance two dominant genes that badly decrease genetic fitness polydactyly and hemophilia. Both of these are very rarely seen in the general population despite being dominant (well hemophilia is only dominant in men, but that's splitting hairs). Hemophilia decreases genetic fitness because it straight up kills you and should be obvious. Polydactyly is slightly more subtle because it doesn't seem like it should decrease genetic fitness. After all it doesn't do anything really just a few extra fingers and/or toes. The issue is that it gives you nothing advantageous while also being very slightly bad. It makes some people think you're a freak and gives another useless appendage that can get infected. This is by itself enough to more or less weed that gene out of the general population.
Then for the converse take lactose tolerance. It is caused by multiple recessive gene combinations and yet it has spread through practically all European populations and is present in the majority of areas where Europeans mixed with other groups. This is due to how much lactose based foods help the survival of infants and just generally the increase in food available to pastoral societies.
>>43999833
I think the Mongols slaughtering tons of their people and ending Islamic civilization's relevance and prosperity for the rest of history had a bigger effect on them then whatever you're talking about.
>>43962361
Does anyone here have that copypasta about barbarian kidnapping a princess/noblewoman, and then not raping and ignoring her until she basically throws her at him?
>>43983998
It's the only way to get head crushing thigh-muffs anon.
>>43999909
>I think the Mongols slaughtering tons of their people and ending Islamic civilization's relevance and prosperity for the rest of history had a bigger effect on them then whatever you're talking about.
The Mongols had nothing to do with them forbidding any but a very limited number of avenues of interpreting their legal code and the region recovered and remained relevant and in the race for Empire and global dominace until the 19th century.
So you're flat out wrong.
>>43984783
Imagine killing women with insane orgasms. It would be nice. Peolpe will even pay you to die like gods.
>>43985010
If it means you clean her nasty cunt with your mouth, then yes.
>>43996021
>>43993843
>>43986669
>>43985010
There are a few chances where you get to see their experience shine. I also think the little queers we see are often youngbloods trying to prove their might.
In example in that AVP where one Predator builds a sword and spear for the niggress or that one where Predator 1v1 the Japanese guy and gets rekt(chinaman wanted to die so he let him cut him but he cut good too).
I believe that since they're usually figthing the biggest and baddest they usually go for ranged. I mean how do you even melee a fucking Alien?
The one with the Jap was kind of shit though. They simply out geared everyone.
>>44000133
jesus christ
it sure as hell beats filthy fat thighs
>>44000133
>>43985125
>not being lovingly adorned in clothing made by the pelts, claws and teeth of you Barbarian Waifu's kill
>not vigorously attending to your Barbarian Waifu's needs on a mat made of all the pelts too big for you to wear
>not being your Barbarian Waifu's favorite trophy
Shit nigger, what are you doing?
>>44002785
this guy gets it
>>43999558
>for millenia
Iceland hasn't been inhabited for millennia
>>44002866
>>44002785
Privately sentimental warrior women are the best.
>>44002785
>wanting to be a trophy
>wanting to be property
>not wanting to be an equal
>not wanting to fight and spill blood by her side
Faggots.
>>44002663
damn nice thunder thighs
>>44003419
>not feeling the greatest masculine pleasure of all by being the only man who can make your Barbarian Waifu squeal
>hurr I just want to kill shit with her
You fail as a man.
>>43964339
Norwegian farmers ate mostly fish and vegetables, saving the animals for special occasions due to 90% of farms being located close to the ocean.
They also had berries and some fruits if they where a bit richer or lived in one of the "famous"-baronies.
Sheep in Norway eat moss, grass, heather and whatever else they can find in the hills.
>>44003569
>creating a false dichotomy
Sure thing buddy.
Pretend that by being a lazy shit who forces his wife to mother him you'll magically become a skilled lover.
>>44003712
If you're not a skilled lover she's not going to nurture you. You also need to be really good at cooking strange animals. And sewing.
Plus, you need to make sure nobody filches your stuff.
>>44003889
How do you even know if she knows abou secs? She may have been raised as a warrior and was only thaught the way of the warrior and you have to slowly and subtlety showing her the loving warmth of a companion and eventually pleasure as you lovingly get her used to it and eventually penetrate her powerful hymen.
Couldn't make it pretty, sorry. I'm not an autistic writefag.
>>44003889
>Being able to cook, clean, skin a beast, tan it's hide, prepare a feast, sew, heal, and shank a thief
>Being married to a muscular barbarian hottie who can crush a man between her thighs, can run down a monster three times her size and kill it with her bare hands and teeth, and yet still loves to cuddle you and gently snu snu you every night
Best dream
>>44000749
I'm pretty sure them getting their shit wrecked by the mongols is the reason they decided that they must've been doing something wrong and decided to look to a more traditional version of their culture for guidance. The exact same thing happened to the elite in China during Imperialism, though that movement didn't catch on as much as republicanism and communism there. Regardless of whether or not specific interpretations of their legal code is what took them off the world stage that was without a doubt caused by the Mongols.
Also the middle east wasn't in serious competition for global dominance ever past the mongolian invasion. Unless you're seriously considering taking Greece competition for global dominance.
>>43983293
Back when he was a minor tribal leader, Temujin's wife was kidnapped by another tribe. This was pretty common behavior- Temujin was himself kidnapped for part of his childhood. His wife was returned a few month later, and was a few months preggers. They didn't have ultrasound or DNA testing or Maury Povitch, so no-one was sure if the resulting son was the Kahn's or not. Temujin accepted and raised the boy as his own, although he opted NOT to name the boy his successor, picking one of his other many sons to rule the empire after him.
I just finished the Dan Carlin audiobook series on this, and very much recommend it:
>http://www.dancarlin.com/product/hardcore-history-43-wrath-of-the-khans-i/
>>43962379
ACTUALLY, we're inclined to be attracted to those more similar to ourselves.
It's growing up with people that actually breeds(sic) repulsion on a sexual level.
This is why long-lost close relatives are highly attracted to oneanother most of the time. That fucking hot chick you met? yeah, sister.
>>43962361
>It's dangerous, involves fighting a lot of people...
I think you answered your own question.
>>43963243
theyre native to chile not argentina
>>43968846
>literally just humans with animal parts stapled on
Not different enough to smack talk IMO, same with all of the humanoid fantasy "races" from elves to orcs to dwarves
>>43963243
>argentina
>white
>oh boy here we go
yeah let me guess "que decis flaco? si argentina esta en europa!" right? hahaha
>Be freelance healer
>Travel a lot in many different groups
>Always get hit on by the barbarian/monk girl of the group
>the Fighters get in my face for stealing their girls
>Mfw I just want to heal people
Every. Single. Time!
Why do barbarians make it hard to heal people?
>>44012307
Barbarians get hurt. A lot.
The healer is the one patching them up, their gentle hands carressing warm, damaged flesh that heals at a touch. For many tribes, this is the best kind of magic, and often reserved for the tribal shaman.
So the barbarian girl is getting hurt often and must get checked by a person that works magic she associates with honor and awe, who treats her in a compromised position at her most vulnerable.
>>44012372
>who treats her in a compromised position at her most vulnerable.
Well you don't see the hunter or the elf girl trying to ride my dick, can't they see I'm like that with everyone?
>>44012769
That's because the hunter and elf girl aren't tough musclegirls that get all soft and giggly at the chance to be pet and pampered by a confident man.
Fucking the healer when you're the barbarian is just common sense, anyway.
>>44012769
The tank always wants to fuck the healer. That's just how it is, man. You're caring, attentive, useful, and need defending. You hit like literally every turn on point they have.
>>44012844
So I will always be doom to fuck a dirty barbarian?
>>44013021
Not all barbarians are dirty, but yes. Consider it an honor, and you did say you also fuck tight hot monk chicks.
Actually hold up, what kind of barbarians try to seduce you? Do any examples from a campaign come to mind? We here always love a good story, especially about shit like this.
>>44013021
"doomed" "dirty"
You're the healer, man, if they're really into you you get to be the one to clean them up and harness and direct their rage. They'd obviously be receiving of your wants while you patch them up. They also make excellent waifus/husbandos when you've civilized them because they're so devoted to you.
You could turn them down but a sad barbarian is the least effective thing a party can have.
>>44012982
Where's that /v/ cap? I apparently never saved it. You know the one.
>>44013021
You could go for a strapping, clean shaven prettyboy knight or paladin if that's your preference. I know I would
>>44013109
The /v/ cap is full of shut because it makes the healer sound like a submissive fuckboi.
In reality a healer should be the "seen some shit" badass you share heart to hearts with, eventually culminating in settling down with six kids and a big house to put them in.
>>44013204
You make it sound worse than it is. Besides, they're not mutually exclusive are they?
>>44013238
Lotta vidya references for a /tg/ thread.
>>44013204
It can be either or, man.
>>44013204
>>44013109
If this is the one you're referring to, I believe it was in fact a /tg/ thread. I was there, unless it was a dream or something.
>>44013256
It's a shocking but true fact that occasionally, /tg/ discusses topics that are not exclusive to traditional games.
>>44013280
Acktchually it was a /v/ thread.
>>44013204
>The /v/ cap is full of shut because it makes the healer sound like a submissive fuckboi.
This.
A healer in an adventuring party is the equivalent of the combat medic or corpsman in an infantry unit.
And Doc takes shit from NOBODY.
>>44013328
What about dick?
>>44013298
Well, I can't find anything that says otherwise, since all the /tg/ archives I can find in my history are ded.
I guess this means I have to do some self-examination on why I'd dream about being in a thread like that, eh?
>>44013204
>Not being a submissive fuckboi who's seen some shit and will gladly latch onto the first strong, muscular barbarain girl who promises to protect him
>>44013341
If doc is taking dick then it's on her own time.
Taking dick from your teammates is terrible since it gives a bias towards healing.
>>44013204
Sorry but I don't swing that way and I'm not a male elf healer
>>44013097
I'll clean them if I have to but it's all professional not personal. My job is to make sure the team is working better the well but I can't do that if I'm always worrying about their feelings for me.
I'm a healer damn it! Everyone needs my help.
>>44013091
I never said getting Monk is any better, most of the time they're drunk vagabonds with fists that are as black as coal.
