Is Florida Man a champion of Chaos Undivided?
>>43733352
There's pretty much nothing Florida man can't do
>>43733352
i dont want to see Kentucky Man
>>43733352
In this mugshot, Florida Man is euphoric, not because of any False Gods blessing, but because he is intoxicated by his own insanity.
Florida Man Florida Man's for the sake of Florida Man, and Florida Man alone.
>>43733396
No Gods Or Kings. Only Florida Man.
>>43733375
>Florida Woman Who Caught Husband Cheating Takes Dump on the Floor, Asks Cops 'What Was I Supposed to Do'
Every fucking time
>>43733375
To be fair, Tauruses are dicks.
>>43733429
Next time you try to kill a man, you best get the job done
>>43733386
kentucky man plead guilty to committing a hate crime on his black neighbor after stabbing him 84 times with his own frozen and then sharpened fecal matter. The black man is dead. sentenced to 3 years in jail with options of parole.
i mean its just a hate crime it's not like its actual fucking murder.
>>43733375
>Florida Man and accomplice
What do you suppose it's like being the sidekick for Florida Man?
>>43733452
>/tg/'s obsession with kobolds goes too far.jpg
>>43733352
Lets see South Carolina man/Women
>>43733494
I imagine his sidekick would have to be the over exasperated straightman that sighs all the time with the general attitude of "why me".
the guy that watches Florida Man climb over a barbed wire fence and then proceeds to walk around it.
>>43733494
Pretty fucking rough some days, but I think job satisfaction has to be fairly high.
>>43733352
florida man is just dan taken to the extreme
>>43733452
Holy fucking shit I saw this same thing while I was responding to a noise complaint in East Texas (and before anybody says any anti-Texas shit, the guys were Cajuns).
>>43733352
>>43733375
Foreigner here. Is this some hippie lifestyle results or are living costs and entertainment in Florida too cheap?
>>43733352
Did he have a sword AND a peanut butter sandwich, or was it a sword/peanut butter sandwich?
>>43733668
Florida's laws on publishing of criminal activity are different, meaning newsagents hear about and report Florida Shit more often. Selection effects etc.
>>43733668
Its because of a Law called the Government in the Sunshine Act which allows news networks to report on anything reported to the police without due process
>>43733396
Grandma Death looks like Jigsaw
>>43733688
>>43733695
So all of America is biting genitals and commiting drugged larceny, but news channels just keep mum about it?
>>43733754
Nah, it just usually doesn't get farther than the local news unless it's really, really juicy.
>>43733754
To an extremely lesser degree, yes. Florida is just all sorts of crazy to begin with compared to most states (Save perhaps California, New York, and Texas, because we have the three largest concentrations of people) and because their reporting laws are so lax, they can report all of their stuff all the time.
The internet also has a field day with Florida Man, so you're inundated with Florida Man information.
>>43733754
Mostly, yes. Wierd shit happens all across the US
>>43733754
>biting genitals
maybe
>and committing drugged larceny
fuck yes, we're all doing that.
Florida just has the prefect combination of great, easily accessible drugs, a huge population (as big as the 3 nordic countries combined), the sunshine laws mentioned earlier, and just enough retarded southerners.
>>43733812
Probably because the United States is fucking huge compared to every single European nation bar Russia.
>>43733812
Well, we're super-diverse compared to most other Western nations (don't even try, Europe) and there's 320-370 million of us, depending on what numbers you're using, spread out across a large geographical region which allows people to get away with more. It's pretty normal to have more weird and crazy people taking those into consideration.
>>43733836
>every single European nation bar Russia.
Monitoring to see how many butthurt Europeans erupt because of that comment lol.
>>43733754
no, all of america isn't like that
here is a list of states to avoid with reasons
florida-a drug mule state, shit ton of illegal drug trade from south america makes drugs somewhat cheap so the youth destroyed themselves
anywhere south of the ohio river and east of the mississippi- banjo playing country/ sterotypical rednecks/ horrible road and construction designers/ shit tons of african americans of the less than friendly variety/ and pretty much every horror story about the united states you care to admit to
the rest of the bible belt- people their are just assholes
texas- also assholes but just bigger assholes
nevada, arizona, and new mexico- not to bad for the locals but its hot as balls and nothing naturally lives there that is worth a damn
other than that the united states isn't that bad, and even in the bad states you can find nice locations to live
honorable mention though- detroit, stay away we gave a city to our black community to run as they saw fit and made something the equivalent to dropping a nuke on U.S. soil. some people would argue that we should drop a nuke on it just because it would be an improvement because it would look the exact same except on fire.
florida is notorious for being a drug mule state
florida is this big republican state filled with all our very rich politicians that want a warm moist climate to live in at old age. so no hippies either.
>>43733851
I don't think anybody's going to say anything about that, anon, it's a pretty solid fact that the US is bigger than most European countries.
>>43733754
Don't listen to them. Florida, Louisiana, and Arkansas are bug shit crazy, but in a generally benign and amusing way.
Texas is bug shit crazy in a friendly yet violent manner.
Arizona is bug shit crazy in a sinister and evil way.
Source: Well traveled Texas boy.
>>43734018
The only things wrong with Texas are all the liberals flooding into Austin fleeing the smoking ruins of their failed socialist paradise in California. Thankfully we gerrymander, so they will never influence state politics.
>>43734018
>detroit, stay away
Hahahaha. Oh man, people actually believe this? I'm from Michigan, man. Detroit isn't that bad.
It's Flint you need to avoid.
So, fellow Americans what comes up when you search for "Your State" Man or Crazy "Your State"?
Also, fuck undivided. Nevada is for Slaneesh
>>43734084
>> trys to prove there is nothing wrong with texas
>> proves the point he was trying to refute
also texas is the most backward state in the united states when it comes to religion and science.
>>43734106
https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/massachusetts-man
Man, fuck this state.
>>43734115
>tries to say Texas is backwards
>proves that they have no idea what Texas is like
>>43734091
dude no,
you are just acclimated to it
i will admit Flint sucks but Detroit is and was a disaster in the making, google has pretty much said they wont do new street views of Detroit anymore
>>43734018
If you remove the Jesus freaks and bible humpers from South Carolina it is a pretty nice to live
>>43734158
>> literally has national news stories about how their state governor is passing laws making prayer to jesus a mandatory act in schools, banning science books that have the word evolution in them, and all the other general bullshit that happens
>>43734179
You have no idea what you're talking about, fuck off.
>>43734218
>does not provide "national news stories" Links
>is making shit up
>>43734202
oh yes all through out that area is gorgeous, i was just referring to the people in those states
>>>43734106
>Minnesota man kills lion
oh my god shut up
>>43734106
>Minnesota man builds an Eiffel Tower of love as 'memorial' for his sick wife
This is the only really weird one, every other one is violent and mildly depressing. Might be a side effect of "Minnesota Nice", might be because it's generally too cold outside to do something crazy.
Columbia Man is the best
>>43734106
http://www.people.com/article/pennsylvania-man-yanks-teeth-4-year-old-autistic-boy-mouth
Holy fuck, Keystone state. Calm the shit down. Other notable entries include a man shooting his roommate over an argument about the Steelers.
I was expecting more hunter-on-deer bestiality to be honest.
>>43734249
Yeah everyone else around South Carolina is pretty fucking crazy
>>43734031
I was referring to Russia being a part of Europe.
This seems to be a highly contentious point among the Europeans I know (and I make a point of asking them to see what their reaction is, and ask them what they consider to be "white people." The results are hilarious).
>>43734237
>> is a lazy shit, and a liar
it's literally not hard to find, google it and it just fucking pops up
http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2014/08/27/school-prayer-fight-begins-anew
that ones about other states that are trying to make a law, that is stated in the article, based on texas current law. this law would allow teachers to lead prayers in classrooms and other school based activities.
http://drshormann.com/2013/09/18/texas-law-bans-the-mention-of-evolution-in-textbooks/
this one has it in the god damn title for my 2nd point click the 7 second long video
![[Long sustained yelling].png](https://i.imgur.com/ZGH83Ub.png "[Long sustained yelling].png")
>>43734115
>also texas is the most backward state in the united states when it comes to religion and science.
Not even in the slightest. Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and Arizona have those honors to varying degrees.
It's just popular to hate on Texas because both the East and West coast hate Texas, because it's the rival of California and more powerful than New York, and it is culturally very different from the both of them.
I would say 60% of the hate we get is unjustified (though we do have our problems, believe me).
>how their state governor is passing laws making prayer to jesus a mandatory act in schools
Literally did not happen. The only thing that was discussed was ensuring that schools were not prohibited from prayer, should the student body and administration vote on allowing it, and even then only 2 places in the entire state ever had an actual issue with this.
> banning science books that have the word evolution in them
Didn't happen. What one State Senator wants does not simply become law, especially since most other senators disagree with him.
>and all the other general bullshit that happens
I would love to hear not only what exactly you're referring to, and how your state does not have said "general bullshit."
>
>>43734282
that would have been funnier if the flying toilet came before he tried convincing the police he wasn't dead
>>43734386
> did not actually read the articles provided, the laws say you CAN pray in school not that you have too
> IS STILL MAKING SHIT UP
>>43734418
Swap the coconut and the toilet maybe?
>>43734106
Australia here. We have our fair share of crazies too.
http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/queensland-man-killed-over-50-cents-20151104-gkqyb3.html
>>43734386
>this law would allow teachers to lead prayers in classrooms and other school based activities.
Which isn't mandatory, and kids are not forced to participate should they choose not to.
The law is designed so that long-standing religious clubs like Fellowship of Christian Athletes, which meet in classrooms before and after school, from meeting because of butthurt Atheists. Note that said law also protects non-Christian clubs like my high schools Hindu, Buddhist, and Islamic clubs.
Seems like you don't know what you're talking about, anon.
>>43734450
>from NOT meeting because of butthurt Atheists
my mistake.
The entire point of this law is so that one shithead parent with a religious axe to grind can't fuck up school and clubs for everybody else, which they could (and did) do before.
>>43734414
but there is an ACTUAL law in texas that banned the word evolution from text books it was even linked already
the school prayer law that you mentioned is argued for in that way but the wording in it allows principals and teachers to stand up and lead students in prayer
>>43734472
that's funny because I was educated in Texas and evolution was in the text book. I love it when people say Texas is backwards in science when we were responsible for the moon landings.
>>43734493
when, it was done not to long ago and you were probably before that
>>43734472
>but there is an ACTUAL law in texas that banned the word evolution from text books it was even linked already
You linked a news reporter CLAIMING it was a law. You did not link the law, which is public record according to Texas state policy and can be easily found online.
The last I heard of said law was that it was being challenged by Texas Supreme Court and a wide variety of other institutions, including other branches of the Texas government itself, and has not gone into effect. It will only go into effect once the Supreme Court rules on it, which likely won't happen for at least 5-10 years given our clusterfuck court system.
>but the wording in it allows principals and teachers to stand up and lead students in prayer
And allows students to do it themselves, and also allows students to vote if they don't want that in their particular school. This means that highly-Christian schools can pray, while more mixed schools don't have to pray, all at the request of the student body and administration. Furthermore, it protects ALL religious clubs and beliefs on a campus - if a Muslim teen wishes to pray traditionally five times a day during school, he is legally allowed and protected in doing so, whereas before, as all prayer was banned, he could not.
>>43734426
>>43734426
>>idiot that doesn't realize that it gives moral authority to the he teachers and school system to LEAD a prayer service in the middle of a classroom essentially forcing the student to attend.
what if the kid is jewish, muslim, atheist, what if the kid is a 5 year old with parents of the previous denominations. what if the teacher is catholic and leads a catholic prayer to a bunch of Protestant kids
>>43734450
the law in doesn't say that it isn't mandatory in its wording clearly so a teacher could force it if they so desired to.
>>43734516
see
>>43734539
The law is not legal yet. It is being challenged in the Texas Supreme Court. My current-issue Biology textbook has a whole chapter dedicated to Evolution.
You don't know what you're talking about, anon. It's okay to be wrong, but it's not okay to not recognize that you're wrong.
>>43734516
>fails to realize the ban was the result of a typo
I doubt It was after me this is my first year out of school.
>>43734539
this guy gets it
>>43734565
and the kids could technically force the teacher to pray by your logic, but no one does that because they're not stupid like you.
>>43734567
exactly
>>43734539
> if a Muslim teen wishes to pray traditionally five times a day during school, he is legally allowed and protected in doing so, whereas before, as all prayer was banned, he could not.
I lived in texas and I;m pretty sure we did have special prayer/quiet rooms for those people with their 5 a day commitments
maybe I was mistaken
>>43734539
YOU asked for a news article you shit head
stop moving the goal posts when you don't like something go do your own research
and yes it is being challenged by the supreme court in texas but that is an admission that it exists.
>>43734565
>what if the kid is jewish, muslim, atheist, what if the kid is a 5 year old with parents of the previous denominations. what if the teacher is catholic and leads a catholic prayer to a bunch of Protestant kids
They do not have to participate, and are free to legally form their own clubs and have services without any interference from the school administration, which they do.
Teachers also are expressly instructed to NOT do exactly that, and DO get punished if they do it unnecessarily (it's cool if you're the leader of FCA and you're in a class of entirely Christians, becaus they will not have a problem with that, but not cool if you're an algebra teacher and your class has non-Christians in it) because even though it is legal, it can cause an absolute nightmare of a parental headache and possible legal suites if somebody gets upset. Pissing off the school and attracting discrimination suites are a surefire way to get yourself fired.
>the law in doesn't say that it isn't mandatory in its wording clearly
Yes it does, anon. It's been expressly stated multiple times when the law has been discussed by school administrators, politicians, and other officials, and last I checked when we looked over it for debate it was. Furthermore, that is the courts interpretation of said law, so it stands that way.
You're grasping for straws here to prove your point.
>>43734618
your the one getting angry at being proven wrong dip shit.
don't talk about shit you have no knowledge about.
>>43734618
Not even who you're arguing with but you're a jackass. You said some bullshit, brought up some stuff that didn't support said bullshit, and now you're saying your opponents are moving the goal posts when they call out your bullshit.
Also, now you're arguing with people who live in Texas about what it's like to live in Texas.
>>43734282
Nice to know it gets crazier than Florida Man.
And by "Nice" I mean Horrifying.
>>43734618
I am not that guy, anon. I asked for nothing, just calling you out on shitty sources.
a 7 second video clip attached to an extremely biased pro-Christian article that isn't in any way a reputable news source isn't much of a source, anon.
>>43734618
for clarity this is me >>43734643
I asked for the news article
South Carolina is a shit state.
I searched for Mississippi Man, and all I got was https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaY2l-ZPLGU
>>43734493
It's not the biology textbooks that are an issue in Texas. That anon is retarded.
The real issue is American History textbooks.
>>43734679
well Mississippi man is got a stable relationship
>>43734597
>maybe I was mistaken
You probably weren't, especially if you went to a more urban/suburban school with a noticeable Muslim demographic. Many schools provided them as a courtesy, but had somebody really wanted to pick a bone with them over it, they would legally be forced to remove it to avoid favoritism and discrimination.
>>43734696
>>43734493 here
American History textbooks are pretty fucking stupid and not worth reading
>>43734674
It's better than Oklahoma
Oklahoma will be burned to the ground by my own hands one day, and I shall regret absolutely nothing.
>>43734722
Why the grudge against Oklahoma?
>>43734698
It's good.
>>43734722
What's your deal against Oklahoma?
>>43734106
Pennsylvania is pretty normal. A couple idiots shooting each other over sports, some traffic accidents
And then this guy, who tore teeth from the mouth of his girlfriend's four year old autistic son because he was being defiant.
Pennsylvania man doesn't fuck around.
>>43734718
They're pretty fucking stupid all over the US, because everybody is pushing political agendas with the textbooks. Some claim the South fought purely for States Rights, some claim the Texas Revolution was rebellion to promote slavery (which is complete and total bullshit), and some completely ignore giant chunks of US history or glaze over them in less than a paragraph (The Spanish-American War and the subsequent territories we acquired, as well as Latin American interventions are big offenders) because they don't fit the narrative.
Then again, we had to read Howard Zinn in my high school APUSH, and I live in Texas, so take with it what you will.
>>43734745
Pennsylvania man is the quiet psychopath of the bunch.
does not usually act out but when he does its terrifying.
>>43734728
>>43734732
I am a patriotic Texan. It needs no other explanation.
>>43734766
At least be subtle as one can be about burning a state to the ground.
>>43734758
oh I agree wholeheartedly the civil war gets whole chapter but WW2 gets a page at best, utter bullshit.
>>43734781
Oklahoma is beneath my subtly.I don't even know why we hate each other anymore, but it's too ingrained in our societies to stop at this point
>>43734814
Don't even bother learning. It'll probably be boring. Make the burning exciting if it's beneath your subtly.
>>43734758
One of my teachers had a gimmick where we were going to read Howard Zinn and then immediately read a very VERY conservative history of the US then discuss the differences and try to find the points of ideology on both sides. It was an interesting idea but we didn't have the time for it unfortunately, so I believe it was the next class that got to experience it.
I remember that my father was a teacher at the same school, though. This is up in PA, in a pretty conservative but fairly low key county. My father is teaching a sort of seminar course for seniors, one part of which is teaching them the basics about each party, trying to get them to identify what their own political views are, and trying to motivate them to register to vote and get involved with politics. Basic democratic process stuff. As part of this, he has a selection of texts from various ideologies up leaning against the board, and students are encouraged to pick up and read whichever ones interest them. One of them is A People's History of the United States, by Zinn. These aren't part of the curriculum, just side reading.
A new guy on the school board comes in to inspect the class, walks around, sees this pile of books and Zinn in particular, and then raises a fuss to the entire board that there are elements of the school faculty trying to indoctrinate students into communism. It was fucking amazing to witness it, especially with my dad who's about as anti communist as one can get. You can have crazies in every state, and you can definitely have them in every political stripe.
>>43733818
>and just enough retarded southerners
You might want to look again at where all the tech centers and well-tested universities are, Yankee. The South is a brain trust. All the North has is a tradition of snobbery, and a parasitic hold on taxes.
>>43734031
Fun fact: the United States is larger than all of Europe combined.
Minus Russia, because not even Russia counts themselves as European most of the time. And even then, if you include the populated parts of Russia....
North America is fucking huge. People don't seem to grasp that over the pond.
>>43734814
Because Oklahoma is a festering shithole with nothing good for it, and they tried to claim they started the cowboy boom. TEXAS IS CATTLE COUNTRY, DAMNIT. I WILL DROWN YOUR RESERVATION-HEAVY ASS IN CRUDE OIL, YOU OKIE SON OF A BITCH.
>>43734814
>tfw no one sings about when the wind goes a-blowin' down the Texan plain
>>43734951
>tfw no one sings about the stars at night being big and bright deep in the heart of Oklahoma
>>43734106
>New Mexico man anally probed 8 times after traffic stop
>Police: New Mexico man baked potato, raked leaves during break-in of home, startles residents
>New Mexico Man Hides Hidden Treasure Somewhere in America
>Flying Deer Kills New Mexico Man
And then a fuckton of people shooting/getting shot by the cops.
>>43734956
Can you even see the stars at night, drunkard?
>>43733396
These people can't be real.
>>43734995
the short but random life of new mexico man
>>43734995
New Mexico: All of the problems of Old Mexico, but with none of the things that make Old Mexico fun.
>this slogan has been brought to you by the State of Texas
>>43735048
>>43734995
Fuck New Mexico, those inconsiderate, haughty fucktards who can't drive, can't cook, can't act like a decent goddamn human being, and half the time can't even speak fucking english.
>>43735059
You forgotten the meth and crippling poverty of the entire state.
>>43735025
They are real.
And my favorite is Lazy-Eye Lopez.
>>43734106
Ohio Man is just evil.
Pure god damn evil.
>>43734106
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/arkansas-man-surgery-wrong-side-brain-millions/
I did not immediately see what I was hoping for, how horrifying.
However, I did find this, which made up for it!
http://now8news.com/arkansas-man-arrested-for-pimping-beavers-on-craigslist-out-of-dirty-motel/
>>43735080
He is?
>>43735068
Breaking Bad was literally the best thing to happen to us since the Trinity test. Not even gonna defend it, it's shitty here.
But at least we aren'tUtah
>>43734941
>Because Oklahoma is a festering shithole with nothing good for it
That's because all the injuns were dumped there following Jackson's removal policies. We should have just left them where they were, that way the wouldn't have coalesced into critical mass.
>>43735091
Ohio Man doesn't do crazy shit, he's the abusive father who commits crime on the side.
An atrocity made flesh.
Just like the rest of Ohio.
>>43735112
I need pictures.
>>43735080
Dick Valentine was trying to warn us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cinLQG2VSR4
>>43735129
>ohio man found guilty of killing pregnant wife in 1985
>Ohio man accused of calling for murders of US service members
>Ohio man accused of spreading ISIS propoganda
>Ohio man charged with killing sisters ruled incompetent
>Ohio man who kidnapped son knew he'd be caught
>>43735166
Dear Lord, why? Why, Ohio Man?
>>43734106
>Texas Man punches woman in the face after her car blocks his truck's path to Whataburger drive-thru
>Texas Man arrested after he holds down teenage girl to let his daughter hit her
>Texas Man removes owl from his house on a Swiffer
>Texas Man's house is so cluttered he sleeps on the roof
>Texas Boy holds cigarette lighter under bullet to see what happens.
>Texas Man steals ambulance at hospital, arrested for DWI
>Texas Man steals car with twin brothers in the backseat, gets assaulted with a toy snake, drops them off
>Texas Man orders $54.75 drink from Starbucks
>Texas Man attacks daughter at Quinceanera dance practice for choosing an African-American friend as her dance partner [at least he was Hispanic, so we can avoid the KKK jokes]
>Naked Texas Man jumps head-first into car and attacks female driver, drugs are suspected
>Texas Man suing stripper to get his money back
>31-year old Texas Woman attends school for eight months as a sophomore, arrested
>Texas Man arrested for having premarital sex with 16-year old wife [Fucking convents]
>Police looking for Texas man who has been pooping in neighborhood yards and driveways
>Texas Man arrested after stealing a statue out of a Galveston park, and pawning it
>Texas Man in miniskirt breaks in, and sets fire to, bank
>Texas Man falls 18 stories after fighting with his wife over four-way sex
>Texas Man dies after falling into fortune cookie dough-mixing machine
>Texas Woman, a teacher, gives middle school student a "full-contact lap dance" in the middle of class
>Texas Man who claimed to be an active shooter at his son's school in order to test their security measures acquitted [well that's one way to do it I guess...]
>Texas Man who urinated on the Alamo sentenced to 18 months in state prison
>Texas Woman runs red light, hits Chandler Parsons' SUV, asks for his autograph
>Texas Man wearing Superman hoodie catches baby dropped out of burning apartment building
Texas Man seems a bit confused about himself.
>>43735196
>>Texas Man punches woman in the face after her car blocks his truck's path to Whataburger drive-thru
This seems about normal.
>Texas Man who urinated on the Alamo sentence to 18 months in state prison
That bastard!
butthurt libtards pls go
>>43735224
He should have been Russel Brand'd and been banned from San Antonio for life.
No shit, the guy pissed on the Alamo, and is now forbidden from ever entering San Antonio for any reason ever again.
Also, if you happen to tweet on the Twatter, follow @A_Texas_Man, it's where I'm getting all of these from. Things are hilarious.
This thread has been pretty pro-Texan and anti-that-one-guy-who-knows-fuck-all-about-anything , that's about as un-Liberal as you can get. Even our Democrats in Texas don't identify as Liberal (which is why attempting to transplant Yankee Democrats and their strategies into Texas does not work, despite the Democratic Parties multiple attempts to do so).
>>43735265
Second half is referring to >>43735243 this fool
>>43735196
>Texas Man arrested for having premarital sex with 16-year old wife
How did he have premarital sex with his wife?
>Hey, guess what I am!
>Wyoming Man found with 30 Eyeballs in His Anal Cavity
Quiet agent of Slaanesh waiting for the lid to blow before showing his hand.
>>43735298
Clearly the man is unmarried and having sex with someone else's 16-year old wife. Damn, learn to read.
>>43735196
MORE TEXAS MAN BECAUSE TEXAS IS BEST
>Texas Man charged with indecent exposure after flashing police officer in Corpus Police Dept parking lot
>"Washington Watch Live" radio program hires Texas Man who allegedly killed five hookers
>Texas Man crawls on to drop ceiling, falls through tiles at nightclub, asks cop, "What happened?"
>Texas Professor teaches wrong course for entire semester
>Texas Man ticketed for sending picture of his penis attached to job application
>Texas Man gets 25 years for stabbing cousin in argument over water hose
>Texas Man in Cookie Monster onesie arrested driving a trailer of stolen construction items
>Texas Man sets fire to woman's clothes after she refuses to have sex with him
>Texas Men break into Sea World, eat ice cream, "want to play with animals
>Texas Man sets fire to mother's apartment because she wouldn't give him money to buy weed
>Texas Man stabs girlfriend's ex-husband with replica Legend of Zelda sword
>Texans maybe breeding their own chupacabras for $10,000 reward
>Texas Man escapes from police custody, calls 911 to complain that his handcuffs are too tight
>Texas Man files petition to get his 10-year old dog on mayoral ballot
>Texas Man arrested for burglarizing a police officer's apartment after he drops his wallet on the way out
>Texas Man arrested during traffic stop when they find a gun in his hamburger
>Texas Man who once played McGruff the Crime Dog arrested with 1,000 pot plants and 27 weapons
>Texas Man in banana costume arrested in intersection with assault rifle across his back
>Texas Man pretends to be Army general, gets busted for bigamy
>Texas Man arrested after stealing hearse during funeral
>Bearded Texas Man in sweats, beanie over his eyes, robs bank, flees on bicycle
>Texas Man trampled in Baytown Bull Run surprised that he was trampled by a bull
>Texas Man shot after asking, "What are you gonna do? Shoot Me?" [this is the source of the picture, btw]
>>43735330
That's still not premarital though, it's adultery
>>43735361
It's premarital sex for the unmarried Texas Man.
>>43735196
Texas Man has a sidekick, Texas Boy.
>>43735298
>>43735330
Texas has a number of compounds, convents, and cults, not because they're popular (they are hated by the rest of us Texans, and especially by us Christians, with an absolute burning passion that is matched only by our passion over whether it's "Our Debts" or "Our Trespasses") but because our laws regarding religious freedom, property ownership, and tax laws are often easily abused and facilitate these polygamous cults in more rural areas.
These polygamous cults often take child brides and other reviled practices, and take girls as young as 12 in some cases as "wives." However, NONE of these marriages are legally recognized, and the age of consent and legal marriage in the state of Texas is 17 (with some exceptions, like parental consent at 16 for marriage) therefore if he had sex with his 16 year old "wife," and he's not legally married (which he would not be as it's polygamous), it's still premarital sex (And statuatory rape, which is what he's actually charged with, because he'll go to jail for that), therefore he can be arrested for having premarital sex with his "wife."
This is actually a pretty common LEO tactic to get young girls out of these cults, where they're lured in by a charismatic individual and then manipulated into an abusive relationship and just completely ruined as people with trust issues, abandonment issues, and PTSD in some cases (The Husband takes the gift of love whether she wants to give it or not, and as often as he wants), and try to get them back into being normal people.
>>43735419
Now see, the explains it thoroughly. Thanks bruh
>>43735347
I thought it was stabbed?
>>43735196
>>Texas Man arrested after he holds down teenage girl to let his daughter hit her
>>Texas Man removes owl from his house on a Swiffer
>Texas Man attacks daughter at Quinceanera dance practice for choosing an African-American friend as her dance partner [at least he was Hispanic, so we can avoid the KKK jokes]
>Texas Man in miniskirt breaks in, and sets fire to, bank
Kek
>Texas Woman, a teacher, gives middle school student a "full-contact lap dance" in the middle of class
What class was that?
>Texas Man who claimed to be an active shooter at his son's school in order to test their security measures acquitted [well that's one way to do it I guess...]
Really?
>Texas Man stabs girlfriend's ex-husband with replica Legend of Zelda sword
Kek
>>Texans maybe breeding their own chupacabras for $10,000 reward
Stop breeding goat suckers!
>>43735196
>Texas Man removes owl from his house on a Swiffer
Why did I laugh so hard holy fuck.
>>43735453
No problem. While people love to bitch about "the fundies down in Texas," most people don't understand the actual issue we have with dealing with them and how absolutely hated they are by the rest of us.
The problem with dealing with them is trying to dissolve them without opening the door for people to come in and fuck around with actual, legitimate religious institutions, and it's something that a lot of people spend their entire lives combating and trying to do.
My buddy works for CPS, and often gets sent out to inspect homes, and he says that cults and convents are the hardest to pull kids out of legally and emotionally, because they're so thoroughly brainwashed they don't even know that it's wrong.
It's probably our greatest shame as a state, which is why we don't talk about it much. Yankees and Europeans don't need any more ammo to use on us.
>>43735493
>Stop breeding goat suckers!
It's our revenge for Pancho Villa. We're gonna build them by the thousands, then just air-drop them into the mountains of Mexico, and let nature take its course. All of them will have collars that simply say, "1836" on them.
Viva la Republica de Tejas, pendejo
>Reading about the Texan war for independence, and the subsequent Mexican-American war
>Realize how much of an incompetent shithead Santa Anna was
I'm surprised they managed to take the Alamo even with the numbers they had.
>>43735543
But what happens we the goat suckers get done with Mexico?
>born and raised in Florida
>live in shitty suburb
>area is divided between ultra-conservatives and weed smokers
I want to move.
>>43735568
>we
I meant when.
>>43735577
Avoid central Texas, it's just more of the same.
>>43735553
It was like 40% artillery, 20% massive bum-rush tactics and 40% Texans running out of bullets
>>43735553
Actually, Santa Anna was much more intelligent than he is given credit. He just had absolutely no concern for anybody who was not Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, and used any means necessary to get his way, in addition to viewing Anglos as inferior peoples in every way.
He emptied out prisons and marched prison conscripts with a core of his veteran lancers and old guard to San Antonio, and basically just threw conscripts at the walls until a breach was finally made and the Texans/Tejanos ran out of ammo. He then sent his veterans in and slaughtered every last one of them hand to hand.
His lancers were positioned behind his army to run down any and all conscripts who tried to flee, pretty much forcing them to charge forward and hope for the best.
His biggest mistake, though, was trying to get his dick wet during a battle because he thought he had it in the bag, when he didn't, and that's more of an arrogance issue than a competence issue.
>>43735506
There's video of that, btw.
>>43734414
>more powerful than New York
Ssssurrreee
THE STARS AT NIGHT ARE BIG AND BRIGHT
>>43735587
We funnel them into California, in order to facilitate the collapse of our economic rival and put Texas at its destined place as most important state in the US.
>>43735626
You madmen.
>>43735605
Of all the things I ever wondered if I'd do, typing "Texas man" "owl" and "swiffer" into Google wasn't one of them.
>>43735618
Economically, yes, we are. Also population.
New York is really, really, "tall," but Texas is both "wide" and "tall" economically.
Also we control the most easily accessible and stable oil reserves in the US, and produce a pretty massive chunk of agriculture and ranching, all of which are vital to the day-to-day function of the US.
New York is third to Texas, and Texas is second to California. These rankings are in a constant state of flux.
>>43735648
>>43735059
>can't cook
i'll give you everything else
but they can cook some good shit man
>>43735659
Well, it's all getting parched so unless everyone down there stops sucking their aquifers dry, it'll all collapse eventually.
>>43735097
Ah, Utah. One of those bumfuck states that produces varying ratios of meth and mormons.
>>43735600
>as trying to get his dick wet during a battle because he thought he had it in the bag
This happened?
>>43735667
It's actually crazy enough to work. Hopefully they'll die off in Calif before spreading across the country.
>>43735618
You don't know anything at all about the economy nor the politics of the United States. Just because New York City has more press than any city in Texas does not make it, nor the state that has it as its only claim to fame, important.
>>43735709
It is too dry here in California, so they will go to Arizona.
FLORIDA MAN
>>43735827
As someone from the Australia, I can't help but feel a sense of kinship with Florida when I see that pic.
Seriously, it looks like half the nutters here in Queensland. Its gotta be something about the weather.
>>43735699
The reason Santa Ana lost the Battle of San Jacinto was because he had "retired to his tent with a mulatto servant" because he thought the battle was already won. Turns out Houston actually knew what he was doing, and they broke through the Mexican lines (After Fannins Massacre, the Texans knew it would be quite literally victory or death, so they fought at 110%) and threw the entire camp into disarray.
Santa Ana then threw on a general-issue uniform (not his uniform he wore as Presidente-Generalissimo, just a regular trooper uniform) and fled on horseback. He was captured by a group of Texans, who thought he was just another Mexican soldier, until they brought him back to the camp they were keeping all the Mexican prisoners and all the Mexican soldiers stood up and saluted him and said, "El Presidente!"
Texas History is quite interesting.
>>43735874
Maybe when an Aussie dies s/he's reborn as a person in Florida and vice versa.
>>43735827
If he was REALLY florida man he'd be wearing a strap on in the shape of the state of florida
>>43734106
>Arkansas man arrested for pimping beavers
Just damn it all.
>>43735946
For what purpose?
>Those teeth
Yep, he's from Arkansas alright.
>>43734106
>Oregon Man jailed for 1300 gallons of illicit rainwater
>Oregon Man receives 3 year sentence for pumping his own gas
Fucking stupid laws
>Oregon Man says he's pregnant
Alrighty then
>Oregon Man crashes 50-ton battle tank twice
This is why we can't have nice things
>>43735946
I thought the phrase was "at least there's Alabama," not Arkansas. What the fuck, man?
>>43735877
To be fair to him, multiracial women are the absolute tops.
>>43735946
>>43735953
>>43735967it's from a parody site, guys
>>43735978
It looks believable.
Oregon needs some love too
>tfw I lived in parts Africa for three years, all over the place, met actual Shaman and Witch Doctors
>tfw I also lived in parts of South America so isolated they still worship the old Pantheon
>tfw America still manages to genuinely surprise me with its headlines
Seriously how did America end up like it is? I would bet any amount of money people in the colonial era were reasonably educated. When did the drop off into eldritch territory begin?
>>43735874
America has the deep south, we have the deep north.
Though having travelled through both, neither are particularly terrible places. Fairly interesting culture in the US from Louisiana through to Georgia, good food, weird accents.
I was also sort of disappointed that nothing 'fucking weird' happened while in Florida... though some of the women there are 'fucking spectacular'
>>43736012
They really weren't. Stupid has always and will always be the majority. History will just remember the best, the brightest, and the most notorious.
>>43733375
>all that biting
>all that drinking
>all that dismemberment
we dwarf fortress now
>>43733657
How can you even do it in the first place...
Like there is a hole?
>>43736000
Trips confirmed it
>>43736124
There's always a hole where there's a will
>>43735687
Wait until you meet a Mormon on Meth, hoo boy.
>>43734106
>>43734597
Prayer has never been banned in American schools.
The only thing that was banned was school staff FORCING children to pray.
Students have always been free to pray if they felt like it, though if they're doing so in a hugely disruptive manner, they'll get treated like any other hugely disruptive behavior.
It's always so hilarious seeing some of the American right rhetoric over 'MUH CLASSROOM PRAYER', completely detached from reality.
>>43734106
>Missing Wisconsin man who fought Islamic State found alive, safe
>>43734899
When most people say the South, they really mean the Midwest, I think.
Thats were the real scary jeebus shit goes down.
>>43735874
Florida was God's beta test for Australia as a whole.
>>43737744
Which God?
The cruel irony of a country that is Australia comes from the depths of a Ancient Greek Tragedy.
Somewhere out there, the Gods of Olympus are sitting and watching daily life on this continent, eternally amused.
>>43737802
>Which God?
Calvin.
>>43735506
>>43735605
Heheheheh, cute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFuBxzGSNYY
>>43735196
>Texas Man orders $54.75 drink from Starbucks
I thought that was normal
