>>43677471
Last thread here

is anyone out there?

>steps out of the Chimera and stretches with a yawn.

Mmmmm....I'm here. What did I miss?

>>43686534
We might not get more peeps for another half an hour or so. Even still we might not get more peeps anyway because this ain't a Monday so not as many of the regulars will know to look for it.

>>43686563
As long as we keep bumping it, there's a better chance for them to see it.

>>43686507
>>43669642
Thread before the last thread that certainly started the chain of events into which the last thread develops.

>>43686575
T'was a fun ride. I am hoping the next ones shall be just as fun. Although Virmanthras might have to take more overt action later.

>>43686600
I'm planning on keeping more of a low profile this time, The Battlebarge suffered some damage and the fact that at any time there can be the sudden apparition of a Necron Fleet makes it a dangerous plan to simply show up.

*bursts out of a pile of leaves and broken bottles*

Gyah! Must be gettin narcoleptic in my old age. Wait, was I dreaming? There was a baneblade... and something about it being actually a monolith... Emprah's teeth! It's real isn't it?

ALICE! What's going on and why did it happen? Have I got to snap some necks?

>>43686550
*still tries to light the home-made and very poisonouslho-stick* not much, as far as I can tell. I just got here myself. Barely had time 'ta make this here lhou-stikk an' try an' make me a new lil' statue of Empyrar.

>>43686644
y u do dis, spoiler?

>>43686629
It happened because that Ron ran off with a Heretical Artifact and jumped into the Warp Sarge.
He's back, incase you want to have him executed for that.

Hm.....oh, yes, Vox Operator wanted a word with you, didn't tell me what for.
I'll be over here if you need me.

Now that the warp abominations have fled, it may be a good idea to remove those medallions I gave you all earlier.

>>43686676
Uhuh... well executions ain't necessarily my thing. If he's fucked up that badly, then yeah, I'll put my knife through his throat.

Alright, whadya want, vox guy? Cmon, quit your hemming and hawin and spit it out!

>>43686692
I kept meaning to do that in the later part of last thread and I kept forgetting like a pleb. Cheers for reminding me bruv.

That sounds....agreeable

>pulls the medallion from her collar and tugs it off.
>puts a hand to her forehead and blinks several times.

Urgh.....that was incredibly unpleasant. It worked fine though.

>>43686705
>The Vox Operator gestures Gary into the Chimera and offers him a mug of what may very generously be described as Caf, if one were truly desperate.
>"It seems that Troopers Lim and Laroque haven't been listening to 'Skelly's' instructions regarding our Ensign. Pair of them were blabbing over the Vox about some 'documents' they got from a Traitor Battlebarge....of all places".
>"We could just turn the guns of this here 'Battleaxe' on them, but you're the boss for now. What're your Orders Sarge?"

>>43686705
*mumbles from inside his box* Can I eat him afterwards?

>>43686624
perhaps you could take up the mantle of a lesser villain in your free time¿

>>43686770
The hell are ya asking me for? Do what you gotta do. I don't especially feel like doing it myself, so by all means blast em.

>>43686777
Always, Gibby-cakes
nice trips

>>43686788
Ah, yes, I had planned on using other possible minor villains related or directly serving Virmanthras, but, for now, I'm content just watching until something happens...

>>43686805
>"Aye Sarge, we'll take care of it. As the Emperor wills it."
>"Crap, almpst forgot. Your 'Lictor Suprise' is done....doing whatever you do to it to make it 'safe' for human consumption, incase you want to stick some in that Caf".

"Gibby-cakes". 10/10

GET OFF MY BACK YOU TICKS!!!
Wait what?

>>43686827
Awww hell yeah...

*takes hearty sip of the concoction*

Aaaaagh... nic, nic, nic....

Jack Nicholson in Easy Rider, if you don't know the reference

>>43686830
WERE UNDER ATTACK!!! Wait
*peers out window* Hey that's our guys they're attacking the monoblade!
Wait im inside the monoblade-lith!
STOP FIRING YOU SOGGY ARBITES LEG HUMPERS!! You' ll scratch the paint!

>>43686863
If it pleases you sir, I believe that I can get this banolith (monoblade?) moving again, I just need to find the central repair panel.

> the "skitarii" appear in a flash of golden light

You lot! Stop standing around and go find the regeneration station!

>Reboots at long last and sits up straight.

>>43686899
Grrrr... Where did I leave those det-packs...

>>43686830
>>43686884
TARGET IDENTIFIED . . . . .

>The Chimera's turret turns to track Dolan

>>43686863
Sergeant, how can you even drink that....whatever it is?

I know the reference now.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap. Oh yeah!!

Buttons!!!

>>43686899
>>43686990
He is breaking the Monoblade! Quick, make the Skitarii stop him before he breaks something important!

>whispering into a vox on the wall

Fahkeet monolith designation "attack ships on fire", enact protocol "keep crew safe"

>the "baneblade" responds

Directive identified. Keep crew safe.

> a beam of light shoots from the top of the pyramid, slicing several guardsmen outside into cubes

No! Don't kill anyone!

>>43686971
>>43686990
*Wall section opens, exposes position.
Ohhh crud.

>>43686971
You should have a nip of it yourself, girlie. Put some hair on your chest... heh heh heh...

>>43687016
Does the Monolith see C-Beams glitter in the dark near the Cadian Gate?

By the Emperor!

>sprints over to the Chimera and ducks behind it.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>43687029
>>43687016
*Keeps pushing buttons*
work dang you!!

>>43686930
> one of the "skitarii" silently offers the tech-priest a hand to pull him to his feet

>>43687016
"Confirmed. No lethal force."

>the laser now starts burning through guardsmens' torsos into their spines, paralyzing them.

>>43687029
>The Chimera's Autocannon doesn't fire, instead the turret hatch pops open and the Commander climbs halfway out.
>"You know why we're aiming at you Trooper! Hand over the 'documents' immediately and we'll leave you be!"

>>43687081
>I CAN'T I'VE ONLY SEEN 3 PAGES!

>>43687078
No, shit shit shit! Stop hurting them, they'll blame me!

"Psychological option detected. Gestating."

>>43687054
*fart noises*
hmnngg

>>43687101
>>43687108
>The Chimera's Commander simply stares at Dolan then loads the Heavy Bolters on the pintlemount.
>"Enginseer! Kill this idiot that's trying to steal your 'Baneblade' before we do, incase we miss and scratch the paint!"

>>43687108
if nobody understands this reference I will be sorely dissappointed.

>burps

>>43687138
>"Its not stealing ensign! Nobody owns it! Its called looting, Orks do it all the time!"
>"Why is it killing everything!!"

>>43687139
hehehe

>>43687174
> the "baneblade" has stopped paralyzing guardsmen, and an ominous beeping noise comes from within

There! Down the hill! At the Depot! Loyalist scum engaged in combat with a Necron monolyth! This is our chance to spill blood and present some new skulls!

>Raises power axe to the sky

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

>>43687174
That t'was probably my fault for not being specific enough. If the dialogue is greentexted it's usually one of the Chimera Crew unless it specifically says otherwise.

>"Ensign? Do I look like an Officer to you? You colossal arse. Hand. Over. The. 'Documents'. NOW. You damned Heretic!"

>>43687210
Question. If the Chimera has 3 different weapons(Technically 4 if Twin-Linked HB's count as 2) not counting the Missile Launcher, would it be completely unfair to roll 4d20's to see what weapons do what? Me thinks yes but you guys may differ in opinion so....

*sets demolition charges around the base of the monolith, retreats a distance*

Alright ensign, back up your chimera. About to blow this damned monilith...

>>43687232
An horde of Khorne adepts and berserkers is charging down the hill for blood, go for it, roll 4d20 and let the carnage spread

>>43687210
*Clambers out of box* LUNCHTIME?!

Rolled 14, 19, 13, 7 = 53 (4d20)

>>43687240
the "skitarii" and I are still inside

>the monolith begins firing upon the berserkers, but not before releasing a cylindrical device that rolls towards the commander

Rolled 8, 16, 20, 14 = 58 (4d20)

>>43687210
>>43687254
>>43687240
>Alice clambers into the rear of the Chimera as the hatch slams shut.
>The Chimera then immediately pulls away from the 'Monoblade', instead focusing it's attention on the Khornate Horde, all weapons firing.

Rolling for LETTING THE BLOOD FLOW. Weapons are Hull Bolter, Turret Long Barrel Autocannon, Pintle Heavy Bolters

>>43687288
Wait, Hull Heavy Bolter, not a Regular one.

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>43687240
I'll roll for defense, I suppose

>>43687195
>Hmm. Yeah, thats a good sound. im just gonna casually walk away now.
>*drags both Ron and the Doc by the feet.*

>Watches from up the hill as half of the horde gets decimated at the first push.
YOU CALL THAT A CHARGE?! YOU LOT ARE AS WEAK AS YOU'RE USELESS! CHAAAAARGE HARDERRR!

>Turns towards a traitor imperial guard sergeant.
Now that the cannon fodder is motivated and their guns distracted, send your transports and LET THE BLOOD FLOW!

>>43687211
>>43687288
>>43687340

>"Im not a heretic! They're over there by the hill"
>"uhhh..... Heretics on the hill!!!!
>*Runs back to the console*
>"Come on do your tricks, shoot some lightning bolts of whatever."

Rolled 18, 18 = 36 (2d20)

>Two chimeras and a Rhino show up on the hill.
Now we're talking
>Embarks on the Rhino, Coming out at the hatch opening, raising the Power Axe towards the skies again.

SLAM THAT CHIMERA! ATTACK!

Rollan' for charge and slam

GIBBERS!! GET OUTTA YOUR BOX AND GO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THOSE BERZERKERS!!

*prepares detonator to bomb vest*

>>43687434
>Two Eighteens
>Khorne's sacred number added to a ten for propper efficiency.
>Khorne's /tg/'s RNG confirmed.

Rolled 15, 10, 11, 9 = 45 (4d20)

>>43687346
I'm assuming the Heretic Transports are visible, if not, my apologies, all weapons still focused on the Horde

>The Chimera's turret swivels to fire on the Heretic Transports, while the hull and pintle Bolters continue firing on the Horde of Cultists.

Rolled 9, 15 = 24 (2d20)

>>43687455
>The heretic transports take minor damage from the turret, and keep their way on a collission course against the loyalist chimera.

>Meanwhile the horde suffers mutliple minor acceptable losses, mostly cultists.

Rolled 1, 4, 12, 10, 4 = 31 (5d20)

>>43687451
>the "attack ships on fire" takes a hit, shaking the crew.

> five "skitarii" exit and begin firing at the traitor vehicles

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>43687434
>>43687455
Crap didn't see your post, my bad mang

>The Crew Commander of the Chimera shouts a command to brace just before the Rhino rams his vehicle.
>The Commander slams against the open hatch and slumps back into the vehicle, unconcious, along with the Heavy Bolter in the hull going silent aswell.
>The Chimera rapidly backs away from the Heretic vehicle, while the turret turns and the Autocannon fires at the enemy drivers position at point blank.

EMPEROR BLESS ME THIS DAY. -RULE BRITTANIA INTENSIFIES-

I usually take part in these threads while I'm fucking around at work, but yesterday my supervisor came and made me do stuff so I had to leave suddenly.

>Awakens from a Having-the-PTSD-of-WWII-Airborne-Soldier related black out

IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR, WHAT IS GOING ON

>>43687516
Emperor Damnit.

>>43687516
*Tries vox*
>"Ensign direct the chimera into the monoblade! its very spacious in here! also defensible!

Rolled 12, 19, 3 = 34 (3d20)

First Dice for defense vs Skitarii, second for defense vs Chimera, third dice for the horde's (possible) Final charge to get into cqc range.

WE'VE HIT THEM! PRESS ON THE ATTACK! DISEMBARK! ENGULF THEM IN PAIN! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

God I'm listening to Winter Assault's Crull lines while writing, he's so fucking full of HAM that the berserker inside of me wants to yell even harder!

>"Well nothing to it then."
>*starts setting up a stubber nest**hums*

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>43687546
>The Chimera doesn't respond to Dolan's Vox, but does head towards the 'Monoblade'

>>43687562
>As the Chimera continues to back away, the cannon again fires at the driver's view slit of the Heretic Rhino.

Crull a shit, Sturnn Master Race coming through.

Rolled 2, 16 = 18 (2d20)

>>43687562
>The vehicles resist the fire of the "Skitarii"'s gauss cannons as well as the Chimera's point blank fire, but the charge comes too slow to manage to get in assault range of anything.

>The chimeras unload their guardsmen, whilst the Rhino tries to ram the loyalist chimera again

FEAST ON THEIR FLESH!!

First roll for second ramming, second roll for driver's defense

>grabs a warscythe from the monolith's armory

Champion of the dark gods! You are barely worthy to make up the ground that I walk on! I challenge thee to single combat!

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>43687673
>Moves to cover in one of the trenches and takes aim at the approaching Heretics with his bolter.

COME GET SOME YOU DUMB SONS OF BITCHES, I'VE TAKEN ON WORSE THAN YOU AND COME OUT BETTER FOR IT

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>43687673
*hurls large chunk of rockcrete at champion's head*

Hey fuckface! Come get the first real fight you've had in centuries, you limp dicked sissified cunt!

*brandishes knife and shotgun*

>>43687673
The driver dies and the rhino slamms against some rubble, rolling over some of its own horde.

>>43687717
>Easily avoids the rubbish and
>>43687681
>Laughs like a blood thirsty maniac.

Come then, Tech Priest! Yes, this bloodthristy idiot didn't notice you're a necron. You will barely be an apetizer for when I go for the Catachan!

>Wakes up where he was stashed, pulls the spent shell out of his nose.

ow

ow

OW

OWW-OWWW-HOWWWWWW

>The best part of waking up is the agony in the shredded remains of your leg. Then realizing you're under attack by Khornate berserkers and metal skeletons

E-emperor protects. Fuck this hurts...

>jams a painkiller into his leg and picks up the suspicious weapon he got from the techpriest.

>Tries to remain hidden despite himself. The drugs kick in and though the pain numbs, he still feels it

Rolled 13 (1d20)

*Lets loose a wall of lead*
>"Eat lead you overgrown lawnmowers!"

Rolled 14, 9 = 23 (2d20)

>>43687707
Rolling for the Horde and for the Troops disembarked by the Chimeras

>>43687681

>Continues hiding in a random pile of scrap metal.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>43687738
*throws another rock*

Ain't gonna waste ammo on ya while you stand on that Rhino like some pampered governor!

>>43687770
Fuck these rolls man

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>43687738
Come then, and show me what passes for fury among your misbegotten kind!
>swings the scythe
don't even feel bad that I stole it, that's such an awesome line

>>43687638

Borehehl Objehcts

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>43687754
*attacks closest traitor guardsman* YOU LOOK TASTY!

Rolled 1, 1, 20 = 22 (3d20)

>>43687748
>>43687754
Whilst the horde seems to be mostly unaffected by your suppressive fire, the troops disembark into their doom.

First Roll for the horde's final charge (this is how good they are at cqc, second for defense against the necron scythe swing, third for the rock thrown by the catachan)

>>43687748
*Manages to hit several beserkers but shots were deflected*
>I knew i should have nicked the heavy bolter.
>>43687741

"Peers into the distance and sees Detective Greely waking up right where he left him, cartridge in nose and all"
>"Hey Greely!!! Come over here!!!

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>43687802
Best take this opportunity now!

*hits detonation switch to Gibbers bomb vest*

Rollin for how much damage is done

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>43687754
>The Chimera's Gunner switches targets from the Rhino to the closest Heretic Chimera, firing a burst from the Autocannon.
>Alice attempts to bring the vehicle Commander back to conciousness

Autocannon roll in this post. Revive roll in next. As I don't think you can roll different die in one post.

>>43687805
>MFW heaviest dude in the battlefield easily avoids a projectile with no problems but is unable to even block a melee hit.

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>43687805
> impales the berserker's arm
IS THIS WHAT THE LORD OF SKULLS CALLS A DUEL?
> swings again

>>43687805

Nat 20 for AC Save vs Rocks.

Nat 1 for the important ones.

10/10 dice system

>>43687829
[spoilers]Beserkers don't block, they take the hit, like the numbskulls that they are[/spoiler]

Rolled 12 + 4 (1d100 + 4)

>>43687797
>>43687827

+4 Bonus due to the vehicle Medkit. Also, BRUVA TECPREEST. HAF U FEHLED.....TWH EMPRAH?!

>>43687847
shit....

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>43687836
I'm just letting some blood flow in this conflict! Your oil makes for no real bounty afterwards!

>Headbutts the Nechpriest

First roll defense, second roll for comeback attack

>>43687855

NOH! WE HEFV NOT FEHLED! IT IS TEH ENEMEH WHO HEFV FEHLED

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>43687862
Forgot second roll for the headbutt

>>43687855
>The vehicle Commander is down for the count. It looks like he won't be coming to any time soon.

>>43687866
man I really wish I could get the first dawn of war to work

Rolled 16, 15 = 31 (2d20)

>>43687805
>Puts down the bolter, switches to auto-shotgun in one cybernetic hand and combat knife in the other. Jumps out of the trench and charges at the oncoming horde as they trip over themselves.

Die die die you fucking sons of bitches. Let's see how you like 700 pounds of cybernetically enhanced Warhawk!

first dice for shotgun, second dice for actual CQC

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>43687876
*watches* Khornate try to headbutt weird skeleton guy*
>"Dang this guys cant hit the broadside of a russ 3 feet away, no wonder they stick to melee."
*opens fire on both of them*

>Horde is utterly crushed by the enemy fire and the Khorne damned bombvest, leaving only a few berserkers remaining.

>The Champion manages to block the second scythe swing, hardly.

You... You don't fight like a tech priest!

>>43687824

>The detective sadly shakes his head in the negative, and shows you the ruins of his lower left leg. The bone is splintered and he's damn lucky it isn't septic yet - it will be soon, though.

>fear and rage start to mix, yet he remains in cover as best he can, knowing he'll do more harm than good at this point.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>43687914
Defense roll
YOU DARE TO INTERRUPT?!

Rolled 5, 2 = 7 (2d20)

>>43687914
Your gods are parasites on the physical realm! They do naught but take, and take. Tell me, what have you received from your them other than senseless bloodshed?

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>43687936

>Crawls over to Greely and begins amputating his left leg with the Medicae Mechadentrides.

>>43687947
the first roll was to hit the berserker, the second for defense against friendly fire.

>>43687914
>>43687929
*hailstorm of bullets hits spot on*
*both combatants lose their footing*!

Rolled 18, 12 = 30 (2d20)

>>43687947
>Stumbles a little by Dolan's fire, but holds himself to his feet.

I need nothing else in return! When shedding the blood of my enemies I feel FREE! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

As always first roll defense, second offense

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>43687944
*Fires another volley*
yes.

Rolled 10, 16 = 26 (2d20)

>>43687973
>falls to the ground, mud splashes over him
> tries to swing the scythe again

RAAAAA!!!

same roll order as you

>>43687974
*out of ammo*
Wheres my ammo gone off to?
>Hey Ensign!! Got any spare stubber ammo?!!!

>>43687910
So do I hit them?

File: C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved Images_lickerb.jpg (34 KB, 650x376) Image search: [Google]

34 KB, 650x376

>>43687826
*Is blown apart while devouring the poor cultist, and as the button is pressed, for the instant the signal travels to the bomb, pale, sickly white version of pic related can be seen in his place*

Rolled 3, 8, 5 = 16 (3d20)

>>43687974
>>43687989
First roll defense vs necron, second defense on range, third counter-attack (if both previous rolls are not utter failures)
PATHETIC!

>>43687953

>Nods to the techpriest.

Thanks for this. I guess that Broodlord back on Monovia-3 didn't have anything on a bolter shell, because this is definitely worse. I can tell you about that later if you'd like. It's a good story.

>Picks up a bit of wood and bites down on it

>>43688014

>Administers some painkillers to the Detective, before attempting yet again to saw through the ruined leg.

>>43688010
*Dodges incoming debris*
>HEY HORNY GUY! YOU MISSED!!!

Rolled 62 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>43688024

Forgot Roll. +15 because Medicae Mechadentride, that reasonable, right?

>>43688006
Yeah, the horde is finished

>>43688010
>The scythe swing sends the berserker down to the ground too, utterly disarming him from the power axe.

Rolled 40 + 4 (1d100 + 4)

>>43687995
>At Dolan's call, the Gunner sticks his head out of the Chimera's turret and gestures to a crate tied to the roof of the Passenger Compartment.
>Alice meanwhile attempts to bring the Vox Operator(Who doubles as the Hull Gunner) back to conciousness.

>>43688006
I believe with the Champion engaged we're dropping the Minion defense rolls and just going for the higher the better.

>>43688010
hamstring!

>>43688007
Whew... that takes care of that longstanding problem... Emprah have mercy on his poor soul.

Now you can concentrate on developing Rogan...

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>43688039
ALRIGHT YOU BASTARD, TIME TO PUT YOU IN YOUR GRAVE

*gets clear line of sight, fires explosive shot*

>>43688035

>Seals the gaping wound caused by the amputation, before pulling out a wooden leg and attaching it to the stump of the upper left leg to serve as a temporary replacement.

>>43688048
>"Thanks!!"
*reloads and lets loose!*
>"This one is for is for my rifle!"
>"This one is for my kraks!"
>"This one is for my rations, you butchers!"
>"And this one is for my chems! How do you like it!!"

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>43688074
What the-!?

>>43688035

Sounds about right. So a 77 on that roll, total?

>hasn't passed out from the pain

That'll do for now. Did we get the bastard who turned on us?

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>43688074
>>43688099
>Rolls aside to evade the shot, taking hold of his bolt pistol and shoots back.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>43688099
*puts aside shotgun, leaps to stab champion in the neck*

RAAAAAAH! SHOW ME YOUR WARFACE!

>>43688105
>"Hey look a pirate! That means he has a ship"
>HEY PIRATE GET YOUR SLOOP AND FLY US OUT OF HERE! I'LL PAY YOU IN CHEMS AND AND A PORN MAG!!"

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>43688117
> drives his scythe into the marine's chest

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>43688117
*recovers from failed attack, swipes again*

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>43688131
> cackles maniacally

Rolled 1, 8 = 9 (2d20)

>>43688131
>>43688132
TWO AGAINST ONE SO BE IT!
BY KHORNE I'LL MAKE A CUP FROM YOUR SKULLS FROM WHICH TO DRINK TONIGHT!
Defensive rolls for both

Rolled 12 (1d20)

*fires at the duelling snobs"
>"Hey two's a crowd assholes!"

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>43688127
>The Chimera rolls up next to Dolan and stops.
>The driver opens his hatch and shouts "Try it and we'll flatten you!" then closes it again.
>The Gunner switches target to a Heretic Chimera and fires again.

Rolling to take down Traitor Chimera.

>>43688127

he was out like a light when you did anything possibly heretical, he means Ron

is the chaos leman still up?

>>43688164
>The marine gets a hold of the Necron's scythe, but the Catachan slices its neck, making him drop his hold on the weapon.

>Both blades pierce into the Berserker's armor.

Bl... blood... for the... blood... g-aagh...

>>43688178
>"Ow come on now, the pictures aren't even that good. The poses are awkward."
>"hey can i borrow the bolter?"

>>43688164
ripperoni

>>43688186
>It boomed.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>43688206
TELL YOUR HEATHEN GOD'S OF THE EMPEROR'S TRIUMPH!

*drives Fang deeper*

>>43688240
>"Hey Gary! shove a knife in his bum!!"

>Begin to fall back as their transports blow up and their leader slowly dies on the floor.

BACK INTO THE SHADOWS TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY!

>>43688264
"AND COME BACK ANYTIME!! THE OTHERS WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU!!

>>43688240
Well then. Now, do you think I can convict you to not blow up the monoblade?

>>43688209
>Alice gives up attempting to revive the unconcious Crew Members and instead mans the Pintle Bolters.
>The Driver opens his hatch again to shout more abuse at Dolan.
>"Our Ensign never posed for any bloody pictures! That magazine is the creation of Chaos! You are committing Heresy simply by having that 'magazine'! DESTROY. IT."
>"And keep away from our Chimera Heretic!"

Chimera is now up to 3 weapons again.

>>43688306

>Waves his Medicae Mechadentride, clicking as he looks for the wounded now that all the crazy screaming men are gone.

>>43688298
*death glare, augmetic eye glows a deep red*

Not a thronedamned chance...

*hits detonator*

Suffer not the alien to live!

>>43688306
I find this whole premise absurd, but it is hilarious, so I might participate.

>>43688306
*touches the chimera with a finger*
>"I can sell this for 500-buckaroons in the interwarp"
>"And the hell man? i never did anything to you *tears up* your hurting my feelings."

>>43688335
r-roll?

>>43688330
>Alice waves the Techpriest over to the Chimera as the rear ramp drops open.

We've got two unconconcious in here.

>>43688335
>Implying Magos Nyzart Chenkov won't just 'Reanimation Protocols' the Monoblade by next thread.

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>43688360
mkay... 50 or less and the poorly understood tech does not ignite

>>43688330

>Hobbles along with the techpriest, weapon out to deal with any stragglers

So, about that story. Mind if I tell it?

>>43688339
>The library in Virmanthras' ship secretly is devoted to Slaanesh.
>Every single lewd thought about something becomes stored in a book about that said thing.
>Every pose in that book is a lewd thought about Alice someone has imagined.
>It exhudes Slaaneshi magicks in every direction, making those not strong enough of will look upon its pages, making them start a journey to the depths of service towards the prince of pleasure.

>>43688393

Oops.

>"yes i'll just excuse myself"
>"yes, yes ill just start pacing in this direction. Don't anyone pay attention to silly old me. yes, yes excuse me.

>>43688385
>>43688386
Fair enough, still a hulk left. Wish I had some melta bombs...

Aw well... maybe he can reanimate it...

Rolled 89, 85 + 15 = 189 (2d100 + 15)

>>43688385

>Runs over to the Chimera and attempts to fix up the unconscious blokes.

>>43688393
>Nods and clicks several times.

>>43688396
good thing dolan is a celebate. And whoever imagined the images have really poor imaginations. The poses were awkward.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>43688347
>>43688412
>The Chimera's turret swings around to target Dolan and fires off a burst, evidently the Praetorians vaunted patience is at an end.
>At some prompting from the Gunner, Alice targets Dolan aswell and puts some fire on him with the Bolters.

I warned ya bruh. I warned ya about dat Magazine yo.

>>43688386
>the monolith is launched high into the air by the explosives. several "skitarii" fall to the ground while it flies. Eventually, it lands on the destroyed heretic leman Russian and ceases operafton.

>>43688475
kek lemon russian

>>43688428
Your Techpriest just brought them back to conciousness at BETTER than 100% effectiveness.

>Both the Commander and the Vox Operator rapidly come back to conciousness and thank the Techpriest profusely, then set about the task of preparing tea and caf, offering the Techpriest first choice of biscuits.

>>43688463
*shots manages to nick the flak armour*
>"OH YOU PLASTEEL DICKS!!!"
>"HEY PIRATE WARM UP YOUR SHIP!! I'LL PAY YOU GOOD!!!"

>>43688491
...I wonder how a White Russian with lemon juice would taste.

>>43688463
I forgot to add the Heavy Bolters. I'll leave it be for now.

>>43688475
>"Wait Ron and Doc is still in there"
>"GET BACK HERE YOU TRAITORS!! I STILL HAVE THE MERCH!!!"

> the "skitarii" gather around Nyzart. It seems that they await orders.

these are just mindless warriors to make it clear

>>43688534
oh shit I forgot about that

Rolled 18, 20, 2 = 40 (3d20)

>>43688534
>The Chimera's Gunner engages Dolan again, this time Alice fires with little prompting from the crew.

Rolling to murderstomp him with all active guns. Should just give up the mag yo. It ain't worth it.

>>43688534
Well shit. It's possible they survived if they were higher up in the thing.

>>43688497

>Clicks happily, but shakes his head and leaves the Chimera to search for more injured, Medicae Mechadentride brandished.

>>43688559
.......I did not intend for that to happen. I just wanted to force him to stop being Heretical. I....um....fook.

>>43688587
Nine, I believe that there are men in need of medical attention inside that oddly shaped baneblade.

>>43688605
Witness the dice gods judgement! No smut nor lewdness do they allow without propper punishment!

>>43688605

Faintly, from the fabled lands of /v/, a voice is heard...

"TEAM KILLER!"

That was a UT1999 joke by the way.

>>43688559

I left them near the bridge

>>43688559
>"Ow! my legs, i cant feel my legs." *looks at the damage*
>"Dang! no worries they'll grow back."

>>43688653
Oh. Oooooohhhh. OOOOOOOOOOH. Well....um....why didn't he just say that?

>The Chimera rolls towards Dolan and stops just shy of him, the driver opening his hatch again.
>"Just give us the documents you got from that Heretic and we'll leave you be! They must be destroyed before they turn anyone to Heresy!"

>>43688428

Alright. So there was this Genestealer cult we were investigating on Monovia-3, and I was still an Enforcer.

Thing was, they had fallen. Now Tyrannids don't fall to the ruinous powers, but Genestealers are still human enough to fall. Guess they taste the same to their real masters, and Chaos is too stupid to tell the difference.

So we conduct a police action across the planet with the local PDF - who, by the way, aren't worth the chits it takes to arm them. We've wiped out or sterilized most of the bug lovers, and we've got the remains of the cult surrounded in a fortified building.

The PDF goes in guns blazing while we Arbites go around the back. We're in there, looking around, when a emperor-damned Broodlord jumps Javier and rips him in half. Son of a bitch keeps hopping around, killing at it's leisure, and no one can get a shot on him.

So I get what was either the best or worst idea i've ever had. I had this pair of cuffs that change their size, for dealing with "atypical" suspects. And I swear to the God-Emperor that this is how you make detective and attract the interest of the Inquisition as a protege.

I cuff myself to the bastard so it can't hop around anymore. Or so I thought. Instead, it hops around with me attached, swiping at me and running towards the front where the PDF is getting slaughtered because they've never heard of cover.

The Broodlord lands right on a PDF trooper and goes to town on his sorry ass. The rest of us are running in through the back to try and save these idiots.

So I take the shotgun, shove it in the bastard's mouth, and empty the thing. It stops moving, but it was still twitching. I wasn't taking any chances so I grabbed my maul and beat the remains of it's head into a fine paste.

By this point, they've finally got the patriarch out and are finishing it off with the time honored technique of "hit the big bastard with everything you've got!"

>>43688714
>*uhh hnngg*
>"Bu-bu but i was gonna sell it for some real food. the rations taste like wallpaper."
>"Its futile anyway i think ron already made copies. He found some other shit in the library too."

File: 1444188283646.png (1 MB, 1000x1400) Image search: [Google]

1 MB, 1000x1400

Rolled 13, 7 = 20 (2d20)

>Lugs some beasts corpse into the camp
>Rollan for size and danger rating

>>43688613

>Clicks in an annoyed tone, before pulling out a preserved cat corpse and sticking it onto the stolen laspistol as a macabre silencer, then turns towards the mangled mess of the collision between the oddly shaped Baneblade and the Leman Russ.

The Techpriest Dude is back. What stupid shit does he have to find today?

>>43688772
>"You were going to sell it for food? We already have real food, all you had to do was ask you mong. Come on, hand it over and we'll get you some proper meat, eh?"
>"As for Ron....he's going to get executed anyway so that shouldn't be an issue..."

Few threads ago Khat dragged some madsive animal into camp. Fresh meat everywhere.

>>43688809
>techpriest... come closer

>>43688797
Ah hey Khat. Glad you could make it. Care for some Lictor whiskey?

*shakes flask of wretched drink*

>>43688811
>>43688797

massive* And well shit, that perfect timing though.

>>43688720

The reason I was assigned here in an investigative capacity also has to do with this. That PDF the broodlord landed on - he was the Governer's son.

Normally Arbites are well within their remit to bring Governers in line when they get out of it. But he had friends in the Arbites who were very very high up, and he ended up blaming e for his son's messy death. If Inquisitor Verasi hadn't taken interest in me, my assignment here would probably be a result of a conviction instead.

So that's basically what i'm doing here - learning about the various threats to the Imperium through first-hand experience.

>>43688811
I have to ask, what's the other wellsley doing at this point? Surely the croissants shook him up a bit

>>43688822
Pass, Not a good idea for me to be drunk.
Someone fire up the grill, I need some cooked meat to settle my stomach.

>>43688811
>"Didn't like it was overdone and didn't had any spices. I had better meals when i was scouring hive city restaurant dumpsters, 3 stars."
>"Why didn't pirate struck a deal with me?"

>>43688822
I would gladly take a swig!
> reaches for the bottle

>realizes where he is
>Bursts from a pile of rags
Please don't shoot me, guys.

In case anybody missed it, using the Scarab and the Monoblade, Lim and I managed to somehow teleport me back

>>43688875
The monolith flew away, i left there you and the doc were stoned as fuck

>>43688875
Don't shoot you? Now I want to shoot you.
>Raises longlas

>>43688848
He was just doing recon in the air, occasionally landing to converse with some other units, but SUDDENLY CROSSIANTS have him flying everywhere looking for them.

>The back ramp of the Chimera drops open and Alice jogs out with an uncharged Powersword and sets about cutting parts off the meat.

How much meat do you want done?

>>43688875
Ron! BUDDY!

>in a slightly more threatening tone
Come with me, we need to talk.

>>43688837

Say, could you get me a real replacement leg once this is all cleaned up?

>>43688837

>Nods, before heading towards the metallic amalgamation created from the Monobane-Leman Russ collision.

>>43688897
I said please, though.

>>43688903
Yeah, we seriously need to talk, "Techpriest".

>>43688895
no, it got blown into the air and landed on top of the heretic lemon russian.

>>43688912

Excellent.

>Keeps watch over the techpriest as best as he can

>>43688875
>The Chimera's turret turns to face Ron, as the Commander climbs back into position and mans his gun.

You about to have a really bad day.

>>43688918
True.
>Lowers longlas

>Stares towards Cadia through his Battleship's window, with a cup of amasec on his right palm.

>Finally detects Ron's pressence.

Aaah! There you are...

>>43688959
I'll burn the book of naked pictures of you I found!

No, really, I found one.

>>43688961
Thank you very much. I quit like being alive.

>>43688978
>shivers

>>43688992
Who even has a camera out here to take nudies?

>>43689006
Fucked if I know. It's not wise to look a gift grox in the mouth, they say.

I say, whatever happened to our ogryn friend?

>>43688992
>halts her work cutting at the meat and turns to face Ron, Bolter in-hand and Powerfist charged.

You have WHAT?! I'll burn it myself you Heretic! I wouldn't trust you to butter bread!

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>43688912

>Searches the Monobane-Leman Russ wreck for any signs of life, or anything interesting.

>>43689030
>amused
Of COURSE, Ensign! I figured that's what you'd want!
>under his breath
Good thing Lim helped me make all those copies...

>h-h-hey guys, im still bleeding here.
>the legs they wont grow back. im leaking red-juice.

>>43689018
For that matter why would anyone want to take nudies out here?

>>43689006
>>43689018
>The Chimera's Commander looks over his gun towards Khat.
>"The moron took the tainted book from a Heretic Battlebarge. The pictures aren't real but we're destroying them -him too if he doesn't hand it over sharpish- anyway."

>>43689081
Its probably a shopping list.
Or something boring like that. its never anything cool. Should I BLAM him for you?

>>43688992
>To Ron only
I thought you enjoyed my company, Guardsman.

Now now, don't be so panicked, we don't want you shot for heresy just yet. I have plans, son, plans to reach immortality... and you're involved in them.

Jumping into the portal with no protection exposed your soul, I'm possibly the only thing keeping any daemon away from possessing you right now, so you better listen.

There are other relics on Cadia, by themselves alone, they can boost my powers, but together... Hehehaha together they serve a greater purpose.

With the danger of a Necron Fleet around, most of our ships are just using hit and run tactics, landing is not safe. I need someone who's already at the planet, I need someone to be my eyes and ears. And you just happen to be around...

>hey guys, still dying here.
>t-t-t-tell th th the techpriest I want rocket legs

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>43689069
>injects a syringe filled with green fluid into the man's neck

>>43688992
Oi, you looked at her nudes? That may count as the sort of offense for which Skelly wants me to skin people...

*runs hand along edge of knife*

>>43689128
>ohhh dang...... eldaaarrr bootyyy.

>>43689099
Well he IS also guilty of Disobeying orders, needlessly endangering the lives of his fellow Guardsmen, assaulting his fellow Guardsmen, consorting with the enemy and....at least four counts of Heresy.
Please do.

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>43689042

>Begins scrounging around a bit more violently, ripping apart pieces of metal and cutting off bits with his plasma welder.

>>43689109
>>43689156
>stops moving completely
I'm going to be shot.
>laughs
Some plan I had. Killing a Sorcerer sounds like the kind of thing a hero does, doesn't it? Guess now I know how Magnus felt.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>43689156
>>43689192
>Pulls out a Pistol and unceremoniously attempts to BLAM
>Granted Its actually a needle pistol full of sedatives, Theres probably not much difference from Rons POV.
>Quick Ron, Do a barrel roll!

>>43689227
>Seriously Kaht cannot hit the broad side of a barn with a gun, All WS no BS

>>43689192
In all fairness Ron's plan probably wouldn't have gotten him shot if he was a Radical Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor. But Guardsmen simply aren't that important.

You CAN be a Hero. But you cannot do so by consorting, however briefly, with Chaos. Chaos corrupts your soul!

>>43689227
>stares

>>43689162

>Pulls out an unconscious body, and begins Medicae procedures before noticing the Chaos Markings on them...

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>43689256
I never claimed to be a good shot!
Fuck bullets aren't cheap. Let me try again, Hold still

>>43689192
Abandon reason, son, let Chaos guide your steps today.

>>43689264
> a previously unnoticed panel in the monoblade opens, revealing a stash of weapons that are quite similar to phase swords

>>43689162

>Sticks his head inside the tank

Any luck in there? 'Cause I've found something interesting.

>Hauls up an unconscious traitor guardsman, stumbling on the peg-leg occasionally but keeping his balance.

Now lets get some cuffs on you.

>Clamps a pair of cuffs around the unconscious traitor

>Notices the other one, and turns to the one he brought in

Oh, look, you've got a friend!

>>43689271
>And thats the story of why Kaht will never be a Commisar, Cannot BLAM.

>>43689128
>" where where am i? where are my rocket knees?"

>>43689271
>ducks
Are you kidding me, here?

>>43689248
This kind of shit makes people want to turn to Chaos! Fucking Throne, people, if I was a traitor, don't you think I'd be defending myself?!

>>43689286
Can I get a little help here?! I thought you wanted to have a little chat!

>>43689273
Shut up! I'm too busy to be listening to fucking Wizards right now!

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>43689256
>>43689271
*shakes head*

You're just wasting ammo...

*slashes with knife*

>>43689318
Wizards... Ensign I believe that he is being affected by the sorcerer again. Leave him to me, I'll beat the heresy out of him.

>>43689318
Actually most traitors are insane and therefore would embrace dying. But fair point.
>>43689323
I tried.

*Wanders into the open from a nearby passage, seemingly confused as he looks about, then burbles unhappily at the scene before him.*

>>43689323
>gets a large chest wound, lots of bleeding
FUCKING SHIT!

>>43689336
Please stop these fucking people!

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>43689256
>>43689271
Watch me get a Nat 1. IT'S HAPPENING.

I'll do it.

>deactivates her powerfist and uses her ledt hand to steady her Bolter

By the authority granted unto me by the God Empwror on Terra and our Lord on Praetoria, for crimes most severe, I hereby sentence you to death!

>aims at Ron's head and fires off a pair of Bolts.

>>43689288

>Goes to cuff the other traitor, but stumbles and falls before he gets the opportunity

Feth. The sooner I can get a real leg, the better.

>holds up the spare cuffs for the priest

Would you please cuff the other one before he wakes while I try and get back up?

>>43689372
The Emperor motherfucking PROTECTS!
>still bleeding out, though

>>43689374

>Shrugs, then grabs the handcuffs and snaps it around the other traitor.

>>43689365
>"r-r-r-ro Ron! th-th-there are flying ducks around..... shoot tehm maa maaa make some sssssoup."
>"why is everything blue?"

>>43689372
FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCK. Clearly Ballistic Weaponry has failed us. If Gary doesn't skin him first I'll crush his nuts with a Powerfist.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>43689401
*Shoots at with his plasma weapons, as everyone else is trying to kill him*

Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>43689401
> sighs, then injects Laroque with another green syringe.

I'm sure he'll be more useful to us alive than dead. He knows what's in the traitor barge, targets and such.

>>43689365
I wish we could keep you as long as we kept Gibbers, but that's just not the way it happened. You go off to do weird shit, AND you look at Alice's nudes?

All you can do now is pray the Emperor's forgiveness...

*readies blade*

>>43689372
Just let me handle this, Ensign.