Why are fat monkeys the best familiars?

They aren't seeing as nothing is objectively the best

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thats not a monkey

what you should be asking is "why do orangutans make the best player race"

>>43091876
>monkey
Aw, shit, you dun fucked up now.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, especially simian ones. They are not all that subtle

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>>43091999
Apes just make great characters in general. Imagine your party walking into the fortune-teller's tent only to find this.

>>43091876
>monkeys
Ook.

>>43091876
I am sorry for the impending loss of your arms.

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>>43093002
Or random encounters.

>>43092890
>ape wizard
>his list of spells and cantrips are essentially random, never focusing on anything
>just as like to cast magic missile at nothing in particular than it is to raise dead

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>>43091876
Best familiar, coming through.

>>43091876
>monkey
rip OP

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>>43091999
I have no idea.

>>43091876
Holy shit! Look at that thing.