Thread for all the folks who are married or in an LTR.
>Are you married/LTR? How long?
>Are you happy in your relationship?
>Does the sex fit what you expect/want?
>Have you or your partner thought of stepping out or actually had something on the side?
Green text stories welcome.
> Married, 5 years.
> Very happy with 95% of the marriage
> The sex isn't great. She has become kinda boring in the last couple of years.
> I see guys on the side. I feel guilty, but I'm bi.
>>23910872
Does she understand that sex has gotten kind of stale and is she at all willing for things to change?
Really hope you play it safe with bi stuff and have the opportunity to get checked regularly.
Do the two of you have any kids?
>Are you married/LTR? How long?
We're currently 25. We met freshman year of college, at 18. Dating since then, living together for almost three years.
>Are you happy in your relationship?
Yes, but all relationships require work. It has ups and downs.
>Does the sex fit what you expect/want?
It's not what I expected, but it's something we're working on improving. We hit a bit of a dry spell about a year ago and we've been struggling to increase the frequency since then. Much better lately, though.
>Have you or your partner thought of stepping out or actually had something on the side?
First year we dated he spent the whole summer with another girl and dumped me at the end of it (claims he didn't cheat, I think he did, but it honestly doesn't matter at this point - it was so long ago). A few years after that he caught me posting nudes in 4chan, then a while later I caught him emailing a girl from craigslist sharing pics and taking about potentially meeting up. One summer I went to Africa for a month and ended up kissing a guy while I was there (I told him about that one). We've picked up the pieces together after every one of these issues. It's been a long ride, and full of crazy stuff. Relationships require work. I wouldn't trade him for the world.
>>23910895
It's a constant conversation that she says she'll work on, but never does.
Yeah, I always play safe and get tested regularly.
No kids.
>>23910903
Wow, knowing each other for 7 years, that's awesome! You are right about relationships needing work. Personally I sometime loose perspective and it becomes hard to see whether things are slowly moving or just standing still.
What's led to your dryspell and what are you doing to increase the frequency? (It sounds like he's the Low Libido partner?)
How did your kiss in Africa happen?
>>23910907
That's what I'm trying to figure out: what to do when your partner says one thing but does nothing. Glad to hear that kids aren't in the picture. From the picture you paint, I have to make an honest question: what is the reason for you staying with her?
>>23910950
>what to do when your partner says one thing but does nothing.
It's kinda human nature. It's normal to not want to change. Just have some patience. I guess that if you need something to change that badly, give them an ultimatum? I dunno.
>what is the reason for you staying with her?
The other 95% of the marriage that is amazing... Sex isn't everything.
>Are you married/LTR? How long?
I'm in a long-term relationship. It's been about a year and six months. This is actually my shortest relationship.
>Are you happy in your relationship?
Yes and no. I find it to be very stressful at times.
>Does the sex fit what you expect/want?
I enjoy it the majority of the time. Moreso recently, now that some things have changed, though I think that overall, our sex is good.
>Have you or your partner thought of stepping out or actually had something on the side?
Yes. I've been able to fuck other people, though that's only to satisfy a kink of his. I could give or take it. I know he has desires to sleep with other women. I would hope he would tell me if he acts on it. I'm not sure if I trust him enough to.
>>23910968
I've never heard of an ultimatum working. I guess I'll just have to work on improving myself and pushing her. Glad you have your 95% and a way to get the other 5%. Does she know you're bi or do you think she'd freak out?
>>23910998
What things have changed to turn things for the better? Would you really want to know if he does have something on the side? I mean, what expectation are you setting with him?
>>23911024
She knows I'm bi. Just doesn't know I act on it.
>>23911024
>What things have changed to turn things for the better?
Less stress on me to perform a certain way.
>Would you really want to know if he does have something on the side? I mean, what expectation are you setting with him?
Yes, I would like to know. The expectation is that if either of us is going to fuck someone else, we tell the other person. I'm hoping that he's keeping up his end of that, is all. For our own sexual safety and health, and also for my emotional health.
>>23910950
I'm honestly not sure what led to the dry spell. I was always the high libido partner, but a year ago I stopped wanting to fuck. First I just lost interest, then I was actually upset/frightened by the idea of it (I've seen a therapist before, I had a very unhealthy relationship with someone in high school, I think it left me rather fucked up in a lot of ways, one of which is sexual). My current partner and i had a lot of long talks, had quite a few sexual sessions that ended with me having a nervous breakdown or panic attack of sorts. Eventually he stood trying to initiate sex at all. I think after a few months of not having sex I finally felt distanced enough from it and far enough from the pressure to do it that I could approach the possibility of having sex without panicking. Eventually I started initiating sex and we started working our way back into it. Sometimes my body doesn't want to work though (and I have a naturally narrow vagina, so it can be difficult) so we got lube to make it easier. We're still not fucking as often as we should, but we're slowly working our way back up to a normal amount.
I'm sorry that was so long, it's just that this stuff is always complicated. feel free to tl;dr
>>23910793
>Are you married/LTR? How long?
LTR for 4 and a half years. We're engaged. :)
>Are you happy in your relationship?
110%. I love him more than anything in the world.
>Does the sex fit what you expect/want?
Yeah for the most part, I have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend and would ideally want to have sex every day but 3-4 times a week is satisfactory.
>Have you or your partner thought of stepping out or actually had something on the side?
Definitely not. We're both monogamous as fuck and super in love.
>>23911224
That's cool, grats guys. Get a prenup, don't spend too much on the wedding and you'll be off to a great start!
>>23911105
It's really cool that he's stuck with you (and hopefully was supportive) during a time that was very difficult for you. I'm especially glad to hear that you recognize the issue and are working on it. Too many times a person takes their partners lack of interest as silent acquiescence that everything is OK.
Have the two of you tried anal sex? I'm a big fan so am biased, but it may help take the pressure off your vagina and add some extra spice. Glad you got lube. That kind of stuff (lube, toys, sexy outfits for both genders) are really important as long as there's some cash for it. Have you tried experimenting with longer foreplay and using vibrators to help your pussy relax?
BTW, no need to worry about writing a lot. These are complicated things.
>>23911053
In what way were you being expected to perform? Glad to hear you have such an open and understanding view of your relationship. With someone who has your attitude I do hope he's smart enough to respect your wishes.
>>23911296
Thanks! No prenup necessary, neither of us make much money. We share finances freely and don't intend on divorcing. For some people that might be a necessity but idk, neither of us really care that much haha. We don't want a big wedding either. We're planning on kind of eloping in Iceland and not inviting anybody because neither of us have many friends and our families live in different countries.
>>23911339
I understand where you're coming from, but I'd still recommend even just a basic prenup. People change, circumstances change, and salaries change. No one wants bad stuff to happen, but people still get insurance for their houses or lives.
Iceland sounds pretty cool. gl;hf!
>Are you married/LTR? How long?
Married 10 years, dated for 3 years prior in school
>Are you happy in your relationship?
Yes
>Does the sex fit what you expect/want?
I was the low libido partner for a while and I'm sure he wanted to have sex more often than once a week. He is / was my first and I had never masturbated (really repressed upbringing). He helped me feel good about my sexuality and introduced me to a lot of kinks so that I could discover what turned me on. Now I'd say that we're compatible on frequency, but I have some kinks that he's not comfortable with doing. I'm okay with that. That's why porn exists.
>Have you or your partner thought of stepping out or actually had something on the side?
No. We both get a little nauseated thinking about being with anyone else. It's fun to talk about fucking my flirty colleague or to do a threesome, but it'a the taboo that makes it exciting. We don't actually want to fuck other people.
>>23911366
Glad things worked out for you like that! I'm trying a similar thing with my partner by introducing her to kinks and encouraging her to explore her body, watch porn, write erotic fantasies, etc. So far it's going kind of OK, but not as fast as I'd like. How long do you think it took the two of you before you became "compatible"?
I'd love for my partner to have her OWN fantasies that she actually wanted to do, ESPECIALLY if they made me uncomfortable. I am Dom, but like to please and would be happy making her fantasies come true. What fantasies do you have that your partner's "not comfortable with doing"?
I guess I'll post myself now as well.
>Are you married/LTR? How long?
Married for two years. It was kind of a family arrangement so we did not date for any real length of time before-hand.
>Are you happy in your relationship?
Kind of. It's definitely easier to share life with someone and have their help cooking or doing chores.
>Does the sex fit what you expect/want?
Not really. I'm into kinky stuff and she's very vanilla. There's some progress (she has warmed up to the idea of getting vaginal piercings), but it feels very touch-and-go.
>Have you or your partner thought of stepping out or actually had something on the side?
Occasionally. I don't have the time or the energy for a full blown tryst, but I discreetly use professional services when I feel the need.
>>23911426
If you don't mind me asking, do you love your wife? Does she love you?
>>23911464
>do you love your wife?
Not in a romantic sense, no, although I wish I did. When growing up I internalized the idea that a marriage doesn't need love in order to exist or be strong. I hoped for a partner who would strike a balance between pushing me to improve and loving me. Instead, I see my wife as more of a child that I'm taking care of instead of my partner or an equal.
>Does she love you?
She says she does and by the way she can be a bit clingy, lovey-dovey, emotional and possessive I am inclined to believe her.
Ironically she currently has the higher libido of the two of us in that she'd love to have sex more often. Between her vanilla and weight it's hard for me to muster the enthusiasm. If she was thin + vanilla or thick + kinky then it would be a different story.
>>23911501
I see. That makes me sad for both of you, anon. Everyone deserves to have a partner they love and to be loved in return, and it doesn't sound like either of you are being fulfilled in the relationship. I can't imagine being married to someone I don't have true feelings for and having a partner who doesn't love you the way you are or see you as their equal must feel pretty terrible as well. Do you see your marriage lasting in the long term?
>>23911555
Couldn't care less how any of this makes you feel. No one "deserves" anything out of life and no one owes you anything in life.
Fulfillment is definitely lacking, but there's time to work that out. If your imagination doesn't stretch that way, then you must be pretty new here.
>>23911564
Okay I'm sorry to have offended you. Wasn't intending to be rude or nosy, my bad. It really isn't any of my business. I just thought the purpose of this thread was to discuss relationships and it didn't seem to me like you were happy in yours. I'm sure you can make it work and I didn't mean to imply otherwise. I apologize if it sounded condescending or something.
>>23911392
Aww, you sound like a loving husband, anon!!
> how long until we became compatible in terms of frequency
Honestly, probably 6 months to a year? Only because we got married so young, and like I said, I was completely repressed. Like, kissing was seen as sinful, I was a slut for flirting with boys, etc. but I actually saw some video about how some guys take low libido in their mate as actual rejection- and I really wanted to have a stronger sex drive so he wouldn't be deprived. I worked at it, truly. I read a lot of books to help me get comfortable with what I liked and didn't like and why. (The why is important so she won't feel shame in what she likes and so you know other ways to be erotic beyond sex)
>wife's own fantasies
my husband is visually and physically stimulated best, whereas i had to learn to unlock my head first. so the standard porn that he likes just didn't do anything for me. On the other hand, dirty talk, erotica, and audio porn get me wetter than a fucking waterfall- but I didn't know that stuff existed because I had relied on him for guidance! so just an idea in case your wife wants to see what else turns her on.
>fantasies he's not comfortable with
I like it really rough, and it just doesn't feel authentic when he tries to slap and squeeze me. We're working on it with safe words, etc but I know he just doesn't like "hurting me" even though I've told him I really want him to leave marks, want to be sore after he tries to fist me... I also fantasize a lot about being gangbanged/double penetrated, and cucking him. He actually loves the fantasy of my being a dirty slut but gets uncomfortable with ass play, and neither of us actually wants to fuck other people. I'd be happy with him just using his fingers and cock in every part of me, but he's timid about the ass play, even though I clean properly beforehand.
I hope that helps! I'm sorry that in my case, it took a long time...
>>23911392
Also, your wife may be different, but my husband would always want to fuck me in the day or with lights fully on because he gets turned on visually. But that was a mood killer for me... So we agreed to have more sex- just with some of it in the dark, haha! Oh, and we got a bunch of mirrors in the bedroom. Made me feel like a sexy whore, watching myself fucking in every direction. (A fantasy he's obviously comfortable with)...
>>23910793
Love a giro in life and she's half or all I ever wanted in this I somewhat shitty world and all I ever want to do is see He again and have her and be together forever like I believe in toe and heaven and the fact that the universe is trqnscedent and exists in one and one with it but trueblove isnultimately our real destiny in life at least the one that isn't rake or ficklke Luke moneybor power ornwhatevvr
B u m p
