>singing the daily hymns in assembly
>start singing "the whole world's in his hands"
>sing "the whole world's in his pants instead
>the teachers never suspected a thing
>teacher calls out correct answer of test question
>half the class: yesssssssssss
>class is being talkative
>substitute teacher looks up and puts index finger to lips
>"shhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
>say "it" under my breath and giggle
>be 6 foot when im in year 6
>in assembly
>we didnt have fucking benches for some reason
>kids go up to the front of the assmbly
>as they walk past me, they put their fucking hands on my head
>every fucking kid goes for me because i am so tall
>make sure to keep my legs stretched out as far as possible, and always dodge my head away from their hands
>so many kids fucking tripped over my legs and looked fucking stupid
I dunno why kids have to hold on to someone's head to walk through people. I never did, and I was taller than everyone else.
>in assembly
>have to sing every fucking day
>really can't be assed after a little while
>just mime the lyrics badly as i hum a song to myself
fuck u. u cant make me
>perfect kid
>one day i have to write my name on the board for something stupid i did
>cry infont of everyone
desu
>the religious kids who were taken out of assembly before hymns
fuck you nathan and lauren we know you got up to some shit outside the hall on your own
>girls get a party during class with chocolate and fizzy drinks
>all the boys have to do a test in silence whilst this is going on.
Fuck you Mr Mcallister, you cunt.
>>27310684
Year 4 Burton wiped his ass on the wall and flushed another kids coat down the toilet after pissing on it...
He was a grimey beta slimelord desu...
>>27310864
I'm a teacher and I prowl the lines during assembly and make them sing.
I had to sing fucking Christian hymns, they get to sing normal(ish) songs, its progress and they can deal with it.
>last day of school before 6 weeks summer holiday
>everyone gets to bring in a toy from home
>bring in a 2 player game called Backfire
>tfw no wants to play it with you
>>27311166
I remember all the other kids had game boy advance sps and I didn't want to bring anything in out of embarrassment
>>27311390
Yep, all the 10 year old chads brought in their Gameboys and gamed on them on a big table outside our classroom.
>had to walk past them to get to toilets
>pretend not to be bothered i dont have a GB
>get in toilets and cry
>>27311390
>game boy advance sps
fucking embryo get the fuck of my board
reeeeeeeeeee
>>27311166
This made me really sad for some reason.
>tfw heartbeat comes on tv
>suddenly realise it's Sunday and school is tomorrow
I hate that show because it meant going to bed early.
>be me about 7
>shit myself in class
>no way i could go to the toilet without being found out
>start wiggling in my seat to try get it out my trouser leg
>pretty much just mushing shit all over my ass
>someone asks what's that smell
>gotta act fast
>get a good ball of shit out of my leg
>try to kick it across the room
>it just disintegrates
>kid next to me notices
>sent home covered in shit
>another time when i was 17 in class
>shit myself
>decide the only course of action is to fake a heart attack
>fall on the ground
>hear someone say 'what the fuck'
>teacher does nothing
>get up and slowly walk out leaking shit
>>27311166
I would never bring a toy in
the only people who would bring toys in would either be playing pokemon on gameboy or were disabled and brought in a massive half broken toy piece of trash and would play by themselves
I used to just hang around the young stacey's because that was the only point in my life I was popular
>mfw dated the hottest girl in school when I was 10
>>27311802
>stories about shitting
why are arcanines so incontinent?
i just want to clean you guys up when you poop yourselves
this deathtrap
>playing in Yu-Gi-Oh tournament that the school organised
>the prize was a cake and you got to miss a lesson to help bake it
>Nobody knew I had been practicing card tricks for a long time
>they let us shuffle our own decks
>shuffle so that all the pieces of Exodia would be drawn within the first 5 turns
>pulled all pieces of exodia 4 times and never got caught
>cake tasted of sweet victory
>assembly
>every day
>not once a week
Did you all go to fucking catholic schools or what
>>27312040
We had assemblies almost everyday, but would probably only do hymns at 2 or 3 of them.
>>27311982
Why does everyone I know have a story about getting to use this once and then never again cause of health and safety? We used ours at least a couple of times a year.
>>27311982
Never once used those in any school. We had them in the sports hall in primary and in secondary school. Never touched them. Not a single PE class had use for them.
We only used the climbing ropes once.
Maybe they kept it exclusively for PE at GCSE level.
>in assembly
>have to sing "who built the ark? noah, noah"
>sing "who built the ark? no one, no one" instead
>the teachers never suspected a thing
fuck the system
>>27311038
Holy shit you just reminded me of girls getting to pick first food on party day, girls getting to use the only changing room on pe lessons while we had to get changed in the classroom infront of the female teacher
>>27312104
Literally never once used them.
We used to climb on them all the time but never actually used them for lessons.
>in hymn practise on Wednesday morning
>Sing Hosannah
>Sing Hosannah
>Sing Hosannah to the king
>silence
>then some cheeky cunt has to go
>of kings
Well I got raped by a paki when I was 8 and I'm a guy fuck life M8's
>tfw when my school banned everything fun because one retard would complain over something
Fucking loved playing Yugioh and Beyblades
>>27311860
>class brings in ds's
>play mariokart
>different classes have tournaments
>other class down a player
>Chad makes me go on their team
>play shit so other class loses because I'm a good little cuck
>have to sing hymn in morning assembly
>'I am the lord of the dance said he' becomes I am the lord of the KFC
>entire year missed first break
>>27312281
Same thing happened to our school with yo-yo's.
>>27312300
>female teacher going full retard over conkers
I think having shit women teachers messed me up
>>27312246
another hymn practise one, Wednesday morning was the fucking worst.
>I won some bullshit writing competition with some shitty "horror" story I wrote when i was like 8 or 9
>one of my prizes was picking the first hymn we sung
>pick "Lord of the dance" because it was a upbeat song and i was a fucking child who didn't give a shit what we sang
>this stupid cunt bullies me for like 2 weeks because I didn't pick "the bell of creation"
Fuck you Jason, you've got 6 kids with your fat, disgusting mrs and you work in a sports direct and you're nearly 30.
Bully me now you cunt
>>27312343
at least he has a mrs :))
>playing British bulldog
>big guy 4u
>girl who is it runs into me
>she Falls to ground
>keep running cos don't want to be caught
>next day in maths
>old haggard teacher comes in
>tells me infront of everyone I broke grills shoulder
>awkward silence
>put head down on desk
>teacher awkwardly continues lesson after interruption
>already bottom of the chain but this was the crowning price of shit on my crumpet
>run into boys toilets
>no idea what a urinal is
>ask the boys in the toilet if I can try one
>MFW I sat on the piss soaked urinal
>>27312300
The yo-yo craze was so tedious.
>>27312236
Just reminded me of late on in school when we had to do pe on our underwear
Tfw strangely arousing
>be in p.e.
>zipper gets stuck on willy
>crying in pain
>she had to undo it
>she touched my willy and put my pants back on
>had my first lewd thoughts that night
>imagined being under her skirt with my friend (lol)
>rubbed my knob and tingled hard
pic unrelated
>>27312389
And that's the story of how anon got herpes.
>>27312139
only used them a couple of times
once the crash-mats and benches came out you knew shit was about to real
>>27311802
fuken kek
>>27311982
>that once a year moment when you are allowed to use the apparatus and giant rainbow parachute
>>27312458
>that bench
Why do the benches look identical across almost all schools? Was there just one single gym equipment factory in the country that supplied every school?
>>27312438
>be me in ict
>teacher doesn't let me go to toilet
>piss myself
>qt supply teachers takes me to store room
>takes pants and underwear off
>dries up piss
>pits new kegs on me
Feels food tbqh
i believe british school life and education is completely unique and a character building experience, one we all should be grateful for
>>27312375
You wouldn't say that if you saw her.
He doesn't recognise me since I was always a short arse at school and now I'm 6'3" and have a beard, but we go in the same pub. He still tries the same hard man act he did at school but now everyone just treats him like a joke.
His Mrs is like 20 stone and he does nothing but talk about how much he hates her and the kids when he's had a few beers.
>worst football player in my class
>always picked last
>literally never passed to
>had to essentially tackle my teammates if i wanted the ball
>ball drops to me on a nice bounce
>volley it top right past some big guy for you keeper
>celebrating like an absolute madman
>MFW some insecure cunt claimed that the ball deflected off him so he technically scored
All his friends sided with him too. But the shot was out of this fucking world bros
>>27312343
>bullied because you didnt choose a hymn the guy liked
wew lad what a time to be alive
>>27312589
I believe you lad.
There was always some cunt who couldn't take seeing anyone else do well
anyone else get that one special assembly once a term where some jesus freak dude came and told some random bible story? We always had the same guy who had Jesus magnets that he'd stick to a board with felt backgrounds and at the end he'd always stick a cross on the board and tell us that he died for our sins.
>>27312503
most new schools were built after the war
and every bench was made by the british bench corporation
>>27312589
>had to essentially tackle my teammates if i wanted the ball
>tackle my teammates
If you were a character in NFL Game Day 98 or some shit, I'd pick you first, you'd be my nigga. I loved tackling some teammates and the referee.
>>27312598
What is this, 1907?
Tfw we still used chalk boards in 2000
>>27312438
Damn that reminds me....
>Be in PE
>Literally lowest set (grade level/group)
>Javelin throwing
>Welp I guess my wimpy arms will fail me
>BBC niggas and hench dudes do well
>Wimpy guys fail abysmally
>My turn
>Fuck it, the technique isn't rocket science, if i just angle it right... not like I can embarrass myself further
>I literally smash it.
>teacher is shocked, a face i'll never forget in my life
>he puts me in set 1 for the remainder of javelin after a few more throws (so its not a fluke)
>earnt the respect of my peers in set 1 (who were literally nigger bullies) and didn't get teased, except for bantz
Honest to god truth. I felt so high at that moment in life. Ofc everything went downhill but things could've been far worse.
In hindsight maybe all that wanking strengthened my arm. Who knows.
>>27312641
>jesus is kewl posters all of over school
>some pedo looking fuck comes in with a skateboard with a cross on it
>lame assembly about sunday school
>hands out bibles to every kid
>people threw them at each other and ripped them up for spitballs
must've broke that mans heart
>>27310784
Holy mother of kek I thought I was the only one who did that.
>>27312677
You were born to be a roman soldier. One of the weedy guys at the back, hurling pila over the tortoise.
I know you've seen it in your dreams.
>>27312641
Holy shit yes.
We always had the same guy do it too. The same one who came around harvest festival time too and told us to bring in cans.
He was a reverend or a father or vicar or some bollocks (don't know the difference)
He was also the dad of the smuggest cunt in our year. Joseph Huffton.
Just his name is the name of smug, self righteous bastard.
He used to stand up there with his dad and tell us about how amazing Jesus was and then try and convert us at playtime.
>>27312641
We had the church guy from down the road, he was a jolly fat guy who just sat on his ass eating biscuits until it was his turn to talk, he would've made a great Father Christmas to be fair. But instead it was the janitor who did that.
>once a year pantomime from amateur hack actors in the school hall
OH NO HE ISNT
>>27312731
>doing about Romans in year 3
>have to make romantic Shields and paint them
>all the boys in my class get into tortoise formation and march around the yard
Et tu feelus tbq honetus
>>27312343
>6 kids
just imagine having sex 6 times he must be so happy
>Secondary school
>Achievement ceremony
>Fatt landwhale english teacher collapses and breaks desk she was sitting on
>ENTIRE assembly including teachers begin roaring with laughter
>She left 2 weeks later
Trust me lads she was extremely fat.. That event will be passed down for generations of kids there. Legendary.
>one of your classmates has come back from holiday and they've been nice enough to bring you all some sweets
>growing up in England
>headmaster toys with my bellend every single day
Was rather enjoyable once I got used to it desu
>school disco
>all the boys and girls stand on separate sides of the school hall
>ask a girl if she wants to go out
>she laughs and says no
>her friends throw tango on my brand new total 90s
>cant buy any space invaders cos mum didnt give me 30p
>decide to bail out of there and go to the school computer
>play chips challenge while soaking in pop and needing a weewee while everyone else has fun dancing to steps and s-club7
from the start i was destined to fail
>be about 7 years old
>peeing at the urinal with my pants and trousers around my ankles like Butters did because brought up by single mother and didn't know any better
>some older boys come in and start laughing and pissing over my legs and feet
>freeze in terror
>33 now and still can't squeeze a drop at a urinal if there's another guy in the room
![mmjjsssc[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/PMpvM8r.jpg "mmjjsssc[1].jpg")
>>27312826
>that substitute teacher that would give the class sweets
>she opens a tub of these
>>27312837
>headmaster
that's what you get you posh prick
Lmao in primary school we ran a fight club at the back of the playground behind the sheds. I got knocked the fuck out by a chubby yugoslavian refugee i'll never forget, he was too heavy to drop to the ground.
It was 1 on 1 fights though, not full on brawls.
Fight club must've been released recently or something, and someone watched it. I didn't even know about the movie until my late teens.
>>27311798
Holy fuck I know that feel, as soon as the intro came on I'd feel panic.
>>27311798
I've been a NEET for 12 years now and I STILL despise Sundays and get miserable on them because of this shit
Fucking Heartbeat
>>27310684
>Sing as loudly as I can
>"He's got the plants and the creatures in his pants"
>"He's got everybody here in his pants"
>Thrown out of my uncles funeral
>>27311983
>having all 5 pieces of exodia
Is this supposed to be bait?
>>27311111
woah
this is not original ofc
>>27312458
>>27312503
TFW I had to sit on the end with my arse on those two uncomfortable button things. Fuck my life.
>>27312880
>space invaders
Remember when they were 10p for about 30 years until 2007 and they raised it to 15p and the makers of space invaders received death threats?
I love this fucking country
>>27312589
>worst football player
>play football in pe
>cunts on your team make you go in goals every time because nobody ever wants to go in goals
>obviously shit at it
>everyone gets mad when you let goals in
What did you expect you bunch of cunts, all you had to do was put me in defense so i could stay out of everyones way
>>27313013
We just can't get our priorities right, can we.
>>27312646
>british bench corporation
>be me, 9-10 years old at primary school disco
>start dancing for the first time ever with a friend
>other kids see me and join me
>get a prize from the dj for my dancing
>I'd never danced before but I was really into it
>kept doing the same fucking retarded dance throughout the entire disco, it wasn't even a good dance looking back I remember just flailing around like a tard
>some teenage girls were sat near me and were filming me on their shitty 2006 flip phones
>thought this was cool at the time, that I'd be famous or something
>realize in hindsight if this had happened in 2016, they'd have probably uploaded it to youtube or facebook or some shit and I'd be shamed for dancing like a retard
>the cringiest part is that I kept dancing alone after all my friends left and there was no music playing and people were leaving and the janitors were fucking mopping up
I felt like a god in the moment though lads, I won't lie
>art class
>draw a really beautiful 3d room
>everyone's impressed.... possibly envious?
>sick for 2 days
>return to school to collect art and show mummy
>its been defaced with SEX written all over it
>i start crying, "WHO DID THIS?"
>teacher asks class, nobody confesses
>mummy says we'll make another at home
>I literally go full REEEEEE and scream "FUCK YOU ALLLLLL"
That day I never trusted another person again. Not even my "friends".
My pessimism stems from that moment in time.
>>27313087
British people are complete Nihilists. They don't give a fuck about anything at all. Then when they find something a little annoying, they blow it out of proportion and send death threats like a bunch of autists.
>>27313041
Keeper was the only position I could play decently, probably because I was always put there for being a shit outfield player.
You're in a lose/lose situation. Either you let a goal in and everyone's mad at you or you let the ball smash into your body at high speed and have to deal with the pain. And if you save goals, the people start striking the ball harder so you're just fucking your whole world up for the sake of a shitty PE football game
>Tfw big guy for you
>loser kid comes into lads toilets
>hold his hand under the dryer until it burns
>flush his head in the toilet
>waterboard him under tap
>"petrol pump" him (holding him down, putting a knee on his bicep and cranking the arm like a petrol pump, was absolute medieval tier tbqh)
>nuggie him to fuck
>find out he's actually adopted and never knew his parents
Survival of the fittest
>TFW you were bullied so much that you spiral into a state of pity by thinking about being younger
I miss my grandma so much
>shit at PE
>always picked last
>play cricket
>they have some rule that if the bat touches the ball, you MUST run
>I'm doing really well, have a ton of runs. Been batting for ages. Maybe people will stop picking me last from now on?
>chav cunt comes on as the second batsman
>they bowl to him, it barely touches his bat, the ball drops right next to the wicket, and he starts running to my side
>I stay still because the chav fucked up, not me
>they obviously knock down the wicket in like 1 or 2 seconds
>everyone bitches at me and tells me I'm out
Hope they all get cancer tbfh
>that one kid who stole your james bond trading cards, jackie chan talismans and crazy bones
fuck you jordan i know it was you kunt
>it's an "onward christian soldiers" episode
>singing that 'i was cold i was naked were you there' hymn, in year 2
>year 2 was the only year we got our own hymn book with lyrics
>mind blown by the word naked being in the song, find it mega funny, start showing everyone either side of me mid-hymn
>run out of people to show, so prop the book next to me on my leg so people can see if they're glancing around, don't want anyone to miss out on seeing the word naked
got pulled out of assembly and had to stand outside staff room all lunch, just like every fucking lunch time at primary school. reeee why didn't they understand how funny it was that it said naked
>>27313140
>that one cunt who would actually aim at you when he got near the goal instead of trying to score
>can't get out the way without everyone getting mad at you
>have books on desk in primary school cause that's where we kept them instead of bringing them in every day, no lockers.
>make fortes and garages out of them with toy cars and soldier
>make skateparks and ramps for those finger skateboards
Man it was the shit
>>27313144
Does this happen in other countries?
I can remember one lunch afternoon when I was in year 8 just before the end of year. I looked over to one corner of the yard and there is like 30 ginger kids. Turns out that all the hard kids in Year 11 were rounding up all the gingers as a final hurrah before they left.
Still laughing.
>>27313139
>anglos
>logic
>>27313094
That's not cringe, that's being a fucking absolute mad man!
once i tripped my mate over in front of a girl for the giggles. he went geek berserker chasing me. i legged it to the toilets (ground floor), locked myself in the cubicle and slipped out the window kek. nobody found out it was me, the designated monkey kid who liked climbing trees had to monkey under the cubicle door on the pissy floor to unlock it.
>>27311798
>tfw young-wanked to the barmaid off heartbeat wearing a 60s chequer dress
>>27311982
we had a big blue metal one that pulled out from the wall, had big rings and a rope on it and stuff. looked like summat off kink.com
>the girls were impressed by your tech deck skills and LOTR warhammers
>spend my pocket money on a pirated busted cd from some paki at the car boot
>give it to girl during lunch
>she goes out with me
>going out means sometimes talk to each other at break time
it was a simpler time
>>27312641
A guy used to do that who actually looked dike jesus. He had long hair and didn't wear shoes
anyone else have to do country dancing in PE? we only did it one year, like maybe year 4.
>grab your partner and dosey doe
fuck off i hate vicky i ent dancing with her
Post some /DEVILISH/ feels from infant/primary school, lads (can't post the actual devil because fucking duplicate files exist here)
>fizzy drinks were banned in school and you'd get rammed in the ass for even being seen with them
>would excuse myself from class to 'go to the toilet' but would actually glug Irn Bru from my bag and come back in to class with the biggest shit eating grin on my face
>would constantly fake being sick at the end of assembley to avoid being apart of the daily ass blast that my headmaster gave to all the classes when one person had misbehaved
>near the end of year 6
>getting hyped as fuck for secondary school
>some football tournament gets set up between all local primary schools
>best kid in our school is made captain and gets to make his own team
>do shit at the tryouts
>really wanted to get in the team so I could meet kids from the other schools so the move to secondary school would be less awkward
>get told that the team sheet hasn't been made but I've not made the cut
>tell the captain that I know he's going to fail his maths SATs without tutoring
>offer to tutor the guy for free if he puts me in as a striker
>he actually does it
>teach the kid some stuff but he's not really paying attention
>whatever, I got what I want so i'm happy
>day of the tournament
>people keep passing to me as if they forgot how bad I am at the game
>fuck our whole team's shit up with my carelessness and lack of skill
>manage to score a whopping 4 own goals in all the games we played
>caused the biggest embarrassment for our school in years
>dead last in the football rankings
>kids from all other schools are laughing at me
>jump to a few months later in secondary school
>some kid comes up to me
>"hey I know you, you were the kid who can't play football"
>"haha yeah that's me"
>"hey let's hang out"
>still friends with the guy 10 years later
>our school captain failed his maths SATs and continue to fail at every other exam he ever took
>
>school banned pogs because people would get into fights over it
Fucking Nazis. I dominated that playground with my OP metal kinis
>Christmas nativity scene
>I'm a reindeer with like 8 other people in my class
>We are meant to stand in a line on stage and shake our bells and sing rudolph the red nosed reindeer
>All sat next to the stage on stools with our bells in our laps
>Walk up on stage, im on the end
>Start to sing and shake my bells
>Realise i left my fucking bells under my stool
>Just move my hands up and down like I had them anyway
>>27313308
>primary school had just built a 100,000 quid extension for the Year 6s
>my year 6 group was the first to use it
>everyone said who is the biggest /madman/ in the class
>I said "Watch this"
>Got out a drill, and drilled a hole right into the brand new walls
>best friends grassed me up
>teachers were super pissed
Loving every laugh.
>>27312641
lol yeh, it was usually this vicar 'father julian' at ours. or one of the weirder cunt vicars with finger puppets and shit. nonces
>>27311860
>Bakugan were THE shit for a bit
>brought mine in, played with them and put them back into my backpack
>dirty spic named Eliot raided my backpack when he was in the hallway and stole them
>I figured out it was Eliot
>tell teacher there was a kid stealing out of people's backpacks, he is a lazy cunt and doesn't do anything about it
>go to recess, kick the absolute shit out of dirty spic Eliot's shins
>still feel good to this day, but I wish I could have gotten my bakugan back :(
>>27313389
I feel like no other country has this mentality
>had this board in class in primary where you would be moved up and down based on your behaviour
>can't fully remember how it worked but I think it was based on football rules or something
>if you misbehaved you'd get moved to Divison 1, then 2, then 3, then finally you'd be Relegated
>If you got relefated then this was seen as the worst thing, It meant you got a letter sent to your parents about your behaviour
>one day at school it's fancy dress, probably Halloween
>I dress as Darth Vader, feel like a top fucking geezer
>forget my red lightsaber in the car
>fuck
>I must have been being a little shit because I got relegated that day
>upon being relegated I broke down crying, wearing a Darth Vader costume with the mask and everything in front of the whole class
got damn that day fucking sucked
>>27313389
Where did you get a drill in year 6
All Things Bright and Beautiful
>All things dull and ugly
The Lord of the Dance
>The Lord of the Pants
>>27312246
Sing Hosanna is troll tier. I don't think I ever heard the school sing it without fucking up - intentionally or otherwise - even once.
I work as a Teaching Assistant in a local primary school. Kids these days are just into youtube and vine.
It's not the same
>football stickers got banned because of all the thieving
>me and my friends set up a detective agency where we went around the school to investigate who was stealing them, trying to keep tabs on who had the rare stickers
>mfw it was me stealing them the whole time
>>27313446
It was in a cupboard along the wall near some storage boxes
Health and safety must have been a little laxer back in those days
I pledge allegiance to the FAG
>>27313418
>Bakugan
you have to be over 18 to post here
>>27313461
I blame Minecraft
i actually had a loli gf at primary school in about year 5 or 6. pale, black hair, wore little pinnafore. she must have been in like year 2 or 3. we didn't do anything sexual, we'd just hang out together at break and sometimes hold hands, or i'd motion for her to come hug me and then push her over when she tried. it's weird cos i came out pretty normal, had plenty of gfs, not a pedo, and at primary school i was moderately popular and sporty. i remember it clearly but i can't place it among everything else i did at school.
>tfw spent morning break of last day of year 6 holding hands with her silently under a rain shelter on playground
>>27313097
this is how robots are created
i bet the person who did that posts here too, ironically
>>27313484
WHY CAN YOU POST THAT DEVIL BUT NOT ME?
>calling 0800 28 29 30
>someone brings in huge stack of pokemon cards
>seriously must be 200 of them
>everyone knows he has the best cards
>got a charizard and everything
>someone runs up
>swings their arm up and knocks them into the air
>SCRAMBLE
>every child turns absolutely fucking feral and desperately tries to claim as many cards as possible
>he stands there and cries
>>27313517
Everytime the kids get hold of an IPad, theyre on minecraft. They watch minecraft videos on youtube nonstop. Primary school is just memes nowadays.
Every day I hear a kid say "Deez nuts". Drives me and the teacher fucking insane
>year 2
>hanging with cool girl
>show her my pee pee and she shows my her tup tup
>that was the first and last time I saw a vagina
I love these threads they are great
>be in ICT class
>on paint using the stamps because I'm an artist
>friend next to me says I keep looking at this girl
>"you like her don't you anon"
>sh-shut up
>punch him in the stomach
funny thing is that I did this exact same thing to him in year 11. this first one was year 6
>>27313570
I feel sad now
oc
>somehow truth got out that i fancied Kiri, girl in our class in year 3
>hid in the cubicle so i couldn't be questioned about it
>next day everyone's forgotten because children are mongs
after that i never, ever admitted to anyone that i fancied a girl because i couldn't handle the shame of it getting out
>tfw really good at football but never got picked for the school team because I was nerdy and unpopular
The coach has (probably literally) a hard-on for the jock types. He'd pick an average jock player over a good nerdy player any day. Still pisses me off to this day
>>27313420
>civilised
>>27313622
>coach
>jock
YANKS OUT
Seriously though, it's pathetic how these middle aged losers try and be friends with children.
>>27313639
I'm English m8, just couldn't think of the British equivalent to jock.
The same school hired two paedo teachers in the space of 3 years too.
>>27313532
>>tfw spent morning break of last day of year 6 holding hands with her silently under a rain shelter on playground
Jesus. Right in the god damned feels.
![IC354451[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/CPSEPzI.jpg "IC354451[1].jpg")
>have to do anything on the computers
YOU KNOW WHAT KINDA TITLE I'M PICKING
Anyone else watch "Fourway's Farm"?
I just googled the name now because I always thought it was Fallways Farm, but apparently it's not.
>>27313707
i googled her once, improbably remember her name. just like every other girl from the shithole i grew up in, she was a mum by 17. stay-at-home mum now. i still remember how she'd run to me with her arms out for a hug and i'd push her over and she'd look all sad and pick herself off the floor. pure bliss m8
>>27313714
third row, third in from left. green one with the echo stamp behind it. every. time. true patrician taste.
I actually think one of my primary school teachers infected me with social retardation.
>walking around yard one day just talking to whoever passed my way
>did this a lot because it was comfy
>one day in class about to go for break
>"okay everyone, will someone be really nice and let anon play with them? I've noticed he's been a little lonely at break times"
>what the fuck
>some dude who was actually pretty cool said I can chill with him
>playing tig
>i'm it
>counting to 100 against a wall
>arms covering head and eyes closed so I don't know where the kids ran off to
>finish counting and get ready to find them
>see my teacher looking down at me with pity in here eyes
>"hey anon, don't be upset, we'll find you a friend
>had no idea what to say so I just went with it
>she called me out for being lonely for like a week until someone finally said that I hang around with people all the time
>all my class started looking at me with a little bit of pity since that week
>I wasn't even lonely
That shit fucked me up
>>27313745
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
YOU RUINED THAT GIRL
She just wanted to be held.
>>27313766
Impeccable taste in word art my friend
I'd go that one or the one below it, if i wanted to make a statement that is
>>27313741
>Fourway's Farm
yeah mate, you watch animals of farthing wood? budgie the lil helicopter?
what about that fucking weird Zap show, the one aimed at deaf kids? that was avant garde
>>27313745
this post makes me feel really sad.
almost suicidal
>getting Tesco vouchers so the school could buy a new Acorn computer
>>27313812
good choice my man, i can see the one below it being strong for like, 'suede are the greatest band ever' powerpoint circa 1999
>>27310951
me too. don't feel bad.
It's okay.
>>27313815
Is it the transition form innocent cute girl who wants hugs to degenerate Stacy slut?
Happens to them all.
>about year 5
>working out how many people are in front of me at lunch to see if i will get any syrup sponge
>realise ill be the last one and get all of the syrup and cake crumbs mush at the bottom
>fat farmer cunt behind me
>says "can you save me some cake"
>im next in line
>"syrup sponge pls"
>"sorry none left"
>clearly a load of syrup left
>farmer cunt gets all of my mush
i fucking hated him. i was seriously angry for weeks
>>27313824
ahhh the acorn computer with the maze game. i remember the school levelling up around year 6 to a proper PC. at lunch we'd take turns to go on wwf.com
>>27313714
using any of them in the last row is an early sign of degeneracy
>>27313856
I think I only used the ones in the last row
![[ANE] Ore no Imouto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai - Ep02 [BDRip 720p x264 Vorbis].mkv_snapshot_19.37_[2015.01.02_20.24.59].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/Xkka25i.jpg "[ANE] Ore no Imouto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai - Ep02 [BDRip 720p x264 Vorbis].mkv_snapshot_19.37_[2015.01.02_20.24.59].jpg")
sorry my story about pushing the sweet girl upset you lads. i guess the nasty edge she cultivated is how i've managed to be a worthless piece of shit loser and still have gfs. if it helps with the imagination, although i'm sure it's been distorted by time and bad memory, she looked a lot like kuro from oreimo.
>primary school had a "library"
>it was actually just a large room with a few tables, some low bookcases and a computer desk for checking in and out books
>was elected to be a "librarian" with my best friend in year 6
>got to sit in the library after lunch every Friday with him
>Friday afternoons were reading time, so people would come to the library to check in their books and pick up other ones
>got to use a cool scanner and everything
>even had a proper metal badge that said "librarian" on it
>would spend hours just talking about Pokemon and helping people check out their books, and put the old ones back on the shelves
Unironically the happiest time of my life.
>>27313900
Fuck you Chad.
Seriously. You should be ashamed of yourself.
>>27313592
>went on a school trip to cricket ground at end of year 6
>way home on coach with everyone on their DS pictochat
>girl asks if I like her
>panic.png
>said she was cool
>ds ran out of power
>never spoke of it again
I'm gonna post like 1 or 2 more stories because I'm bored and loving this primary school revisit
remember stink bombs?
that was me
>>27313932
>defending roasties
Leave
>>27313094
>final school disco of primary school
>horsey posh girl asks me to dance seeing as we'd spent a lot of time together recently
>get nervous and say no
>end up leaving early
now I fap to traps and shitpost all day. I had a chance and I fucked it desu. I think I saw her on the bus the other week too.
>>27310684
>That kid who kept leaving shit covered underwear in the toilets
Did any of you find the culprit?
>Putting water in your hair to make it spikey during lunch time
>>27313932
what kind of chad foregoes sport and socialising to sit at breaks and hold hands with a year 2? i didn't turn her into a degenerate, our environment did. pretty much every girl from my primary school ended up a teen mum.
>>27313745
>girl you fancy all throughout year 3 to 11 got fucked by some 28year old scruffy cunt at 17 and got up the duff
>shes a mum of two
>life is probably shit
like tears in the rain, anon.
it hurts
>British thread
>it's not riddled with spelling mistakes
>>27312589
Literally reminds me of the time in highschool when i was playing hockey (The only sport i was good at) and some kid literally fell over in front of me (like a fucking ruler's length away from me) and then claimed i tripped him up to get me a detentionyeah i was the keeper, and i was the the fucking goodie-too-shoes
>playing british bulldog
>last one left in the game
>do a heroic sprint to the other side
>everyone looking in awe as you squeeze through waves of kid trying to grab you
>end of break whistle rings before you're caught
>>27313961
as an extension to this, my 'childhood sweetheart' was a girl called anna. our parents were mates from work, and after school i'd go to anna's house until my mum was done with work. i remember playing aladdin on mega drive there, watching crypt keeper, and also once shitting myself and managing to keep it secret. anyway, she ended up fancying me by year 6 and tried to kiss me on the cheek on the year 6 adventure trip. i fancied a different girl who didn't like me though. anyway, she had two kids by sixteen and her facebook said she was hoping for her third. she was fake tanned to fuck and looked a dog.
>>27313999
This shit is serious.
British school was so...idk, you have to have experienced it to know what's it's like
>>27313956
I have my suspicions to this day: that sweaty fat boy or the one who continued to shit himself up to 1st year of high school
>>27311111
wonone1wunun
wowzers
anyone else play 1-2-3-and in?
anyone remember how, when you saw somebody lingering close to the base instead of hiding properly, everyone started jeering, 'EGG LAYER, EGG LAYER' lmfao. the sheer culture of shame around it
>>27314043
Found ours, was a fat, curry haired black kid named jordell. Was one of 3 non Whites in my year
>>27314032
Same can be said about any countries school system.
Maybe not America because it's so varied, but I'm sure the French or the Germans have their own school feels that everyone can relate to
Did you bongs ever use this? Or the little cart with four wheels you sat on?
>>27312502
what the fuck is the apparatus
>>27313433
You don't fucking relegate Darth Vader.
>>27314080
we played cat and mouse under that fucker, it was weird as
>That goal doesn't count, you were tip lining!
>in year 4
>class full of shitty little bastards
>teacher had a little book where she gave people stars
>10 people with the most at the end of the day got a little chocolate bar
>cunt called Kayleigh Merrill gets to count up the stars at the end of most of the lessons
>lies and gets her and her friends to get them every day
>teacher never says a word because it at least made her more good than before
I was so happy when she got nits and everyone took the piss out of her for weeks.
>>27313943
last one. I've got alot more stories about high school but thats not for this thread
>playing football in our shitty playground
>literally concrete that they couldn't change for some reason
>it was also on a hill
>better players would always shoot downhill making my life as goalkeeper hell
>one day I pull off a blinder and my team actually wins 2-1 (first time we had won in a while)
>since this was before school started we then went to assembly
>other team desperately want me on their side for breaktime match
>decline because I'm loyal to the shitters
We also chased a fat polish kid around some apparatus saying he liked this other fat polish girl and he went full rage mode. I also swore at a lunchlady and people starting thinking I was well 'ard. she lives relatively near me and still hates my mum for defending me
>>27310684
Fucking devilish get this madman outta here
>>27314088
you didnjt call it the apparatus? we did here too, and im not that guy. only time i ever really heard the word, weirdly
>>27314115
Kayleigh is always a stupid Stacy slag
>playing heads down, thumbs up
>keep eyes open the whole time and look at people's shoes
>do the biggest lean imaginable to look around the desk and check everyone's shoes
>>27313420
It's the punk rock mentality.
Other countries tried to do punk but they just couldn't get it as well as brits.
guy with loli gf here, my school actually had a sizeable deaf unit - like a big portacabin where a bunch of deaf kids had lessons. because of this i grew up thinking deaf people were really common, and i've pretty much never met another one and i'm almost 27. they ran the gamut; there was dan, who was basically normal but couldnt hear too well even with his hearing aid and talked in a really muffled voice. then there was natalie, who was like a feral child and just made 'nangyakn mangn' kinda noises. she had behaviour issues. then there was james. he was FULLY feral. if you stuck your little finger out at him he'd squeal and go on a violent rampage. i remember this bully with the second name 'bloodworth' (cant make it up) shouting at all of us, and james appeared behind him and threw him to the ground by his FACE. he was mental
>>27314155
golden retriever girl
>>27313172
You got ran out, they were right- its why you have to be like- dont run fuckhead
>>27313845
That shit was ambrosia. Nectar of the gods.
Speaking of ambrosia, they definitely made the best rice pudding.
>be 10 or so
>fable 1 the lost chapters is my shit
>kid who sits next to me is basically proto-eggman, ugly bald fuck
>asks to borrow it to see if he should ask his dad for it
>oblige, sure bro check this shit out, don't I remind you of jack of blades senpai, edgy as hell
>he thinks it's cool and asks his dad for a copy
>few weeks later he thinks he's fully versed on all things fable
>I'm talking about it to a girl called hannah, she can't get past that first bandit chief boss
>about to tell her the secret to the fight
>protoegg butts in yelling "I KNOW I KNOW"
>literally cucked at 10yo
they started 'going out' though we all know what that means. he went on a supervised date with his mum.
a few days passed and he slapped her in the playground. she was pretty unfazed but he felt so bad he ran off crying and hid in the school bathroom. I had to get him because I was his 'best friend'
no hard feelings hannah, fuck you though protoegg, I see your rank stoner ass skulking around town.
>>27314160
epic heads down thumbs up lifehack m8
i remember heads down thumbs up being so cosy. all quiet and muffled with ur head in your arms, see a little shoe and get ur thumb touched. very comfy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G090ju-DpqU
pod can pop
>>27313293
I think some civil servant at OFSTED went rogue and put country dancing on the ciriculum
fuck me, people talking about DS and fable in fucking primary school makes me feel old as. i'm only 26 fuck off
anyone play the game where someone would put their head against the wall and a teacher would silently point at someone in the class to say a phrase in a funny voice? If the person who had their head against the wall could identify who said it, they got to go again, if not the person who said it got to put their head against the wall.
>>27310684
>daily hymns
>assembly
Is this some catholic school stories thread? Wtf is an assembly
>>27314323
nah, but we played DONKEY where if you were the goalie when 6 people had been hit in the legs with the ball you had to face the wall and get the ball booted at the back of your head lol. one kid got beaned right on the bonce and cracked his head on the wall and went hospital
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wTl3Sx156k
bruh
>>27314334
Church of England had this as well
>>27314334
>British
>Not knowing what an assembly is
How the fuck did you go 18+ years without knowing this shit mate, doubt you're even british
>>27314334
most primary schools, at least back in the early 90s, were church of england schools. this meant daily assembly, hymns, visits to the church for festivals and harvest, lord's prayer being recited by all the kids in assembly.
>>27314064
you mean aki paki 1-2-3?
it got banned in my school because the muslim kid kept complaining that he always had to be it.we kept playing it but pretended to be playing tag and just said paki really quietly >:^)
>>27314000
>>27314043
>high school
This is a British thread, JFs please go.
>>27312502
Holy fuck the aparatus, you didn't happen to go to a school in south london did you?
>>27314357
>>27314358
>>27314369
I'm American
This is an original post
>>27314390
My high school was literally called "(Town) High School"...
>>27314145
We used to call it apparatus as well
>>27313900
>she looked a lot like kuro from oreimo.
I sincerely hope you get hit by car. You made her this way anon, I hope you know that.
Fucking piece of shit normalfags holy shit.
>>27314160
I was never picked in any game of heads down thumbs up ever
>>27314391
we called it apparatus and i'm from somerset.
>>27314387
dunno lol. 123 and in is when you all peg it quite a long way off, and a guy counts in one spot. he goes looking, and you have to get to the spot where he counted and yell '123 and in'. if he beats you there... you're fucked mate
>>27314404
>My high school
Stop
>>27314406
>literally defending whores
Fuck off back to plebbit or tumblr
>>27311798
or Londons Burning
>>27314406
again, i was a year 6 noncing about with a year 2 for romance. i'm no fucking normie reeeee
>>27314390
loads of schools in UK called high school mate
>Mum made me go to summer holiday club at my school which was for 4 days a week every week for the 6 weeks
>The group did outdoor activities in the playground and sometimes swimming in the pool
>Other kids always left me out of whatever they were doing
>Almost always on my own
>Sat on a wall often watching the road opposite and thought if I ran away if anybody would really notice and or care
>>27314442
I've heard a lot of 20-year-olds in this country call their secondary school a high school. It's fucked up, m8.
>>27313570
>Moving school next week
>Kid at school selling pokemon cards
>convince the gullible cunt im gonna pay him
>Gives me his stack of 500 cards with shinies etc
>Move schools
>Never see him again
LMAO MY FIRST SCAM
>some year 7 kids who last year swore "i'll never back to this shit hole" starts hanging around the school fence and walking through the school if the gate was open
These people made me more uncomfortable than the local pedo who'd hang around the fence
>>27314469
that's sad. i remember i was in a wicker weaving class for one of those stupid summer school things. i bullied these two brothers. then i went to secondary school and they grew and i stayed manlet. we were mates in the end but i reckon he prolly always held it against me. dated my gf after me age 14 and kept talking to me about how nice her tits were. weird guy
>>27314469
>and sometimes swimming in the pool
the fuck upperclass school u go to mate
my manlet friend was in the same situation though, sucks man
>>27314390
>27414000
Oh shit mate, completely forgot about that shit, meant secondary school, haven't said it in years and more used to high school so fuck my life lad
>Be irish
>Go to school in ireland
>Some clown in class decides to shite in a lucozade bottle
>Hides it in the ceiling of the classroom (most schools had those thin square piles you could push up easily)
>Class bangs of shit for the next month
>>27314477
Don't be a pleb. I'm in my 30s and I went to a high school
>>27314467
fucking barry from eastenders smfh
>the story the teachers told us every year about that one kid who tried to climb the fence and got impaled by the balls
True horror
>>27314429
that's the exact one
you have to get to the pole and yell aki paki 123 before the paki gets there. that was how we played it.
>>27314494
at my secondary school we'd get lads who got expelled turning up trying to fight the teachers they beefed with most. police would have to come defuse it. love my shithole home town.
>Last day of Year 6
>We all got to bring in a toy
>Ryan Harry brings in a wrestling DVD like we were going to watch it or something?
>On the yard, make fun of him because wrestlings gay.
>He starts to cry, takes his disk out and snaps it in front of us.
>Just laugh at him even harder.
>The CUTEST girl who grew up to be 10/10
>Rubbed her legs against mine
>Always giggled and tried to talk with me
>Literally gave me gifts on valentines and birthday which i said "eww"
My friends said I WAS GAY and laughed at me because of what she was doing
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh
I fap to her facebook pics minimum once a week. cant believe what a lil faggot i was. shes an absolute stunner and not a bitch either
>>27314538
>don't lean back on that chair anon, I knew a kid who fell backwards and cracked his head open because he was leaning on his chair
>>27314530
it was wrong what janine done to baz
>>27314538
>every teacher knew a kid that died from leaning back on their chairs
jesus christ what's the mortality rate for our schools
>that one kid who got kicked so hard in the balls he had to go to hospital
>had to have one removed
>everyone called him Hitler
Top chortle 2bh
>>27314565
fuck me that is a sexy pic
>>27314573
>>27314595
brit hivemind desu lad
>>27314595
There was a kid long before I joined the school that died after being kicked in the chest during some game (inb4 bulldog, it wasn't). They told us that story every year and banned that game
>>27314565
fuckkkkk me shes a top slag
wish she'd nosh on my bell end tbqh famicon
>>27314565
fuck i remember doing this shit too. leg against leg. and then there was this one girl who had fat tits and ass by age 14 (unluckiest girl, get targeted so hard) and i'd walk home with her and slap her ass a bunch and in english i'd put my hand under her ass. fuck she was fit
>>27314445
>A little girl was a whore.
Fuck you cunt, he could've saved her and had a pure, innocent gf. Instead he turned Kuroneko into a typical, roastie slag.
>>27314467
>he's had multiple gf's.
>I-I'm not a normie, I s-swear guys.
Sure thing Chad.
>>27313250
Gina i think her name was, some here
anyone else play greebo football? basically half the school chasing one person carrying a football and beating the shit out of them to get it. this was secondary
>Be in mass singing ave maria
Ave maria gratzi Chewbaka
>Dominous tea bum benadict R2D2
Me and James were retards
>the kid who died
who was it lads?
in my year there was this kid that nobody really knew existed (robot in the making?) he sort of collapsed on the field alone, took like 4 minutes before anybody noticed. the abulance came and we never saw him again.
also, who /kent/ here?
>that one psychotic cunt that would go around hitting boys in the balls
God I wanted to lamp that prick
>playing prince of persia in the computer room
>annual visit by policeman to talk about road safety (i still remember you PC Lobster)
>having a kid play their instrument before friday assembly (fuck the snare drum kid)
>mouthing the words to hymns/just making wordless noises that sound similar
one year so many people were doing that the teachers thought we couldnt remember the words so they had a projector set up during the performance. they placed the screen in the middle of the seats so any parents sitting behind it couldnt see shit.
>>27314666
there's nothing quite like the camaraderie of a shared memory like that. you and i are sharing a strong connection at this moment mate.
also nice trips
>>27313097
Related:
>primary school
>there's a fucking plant growing competition
>everyone gets a potted seed and whoever grows theirs the healthiest wins
>labels on the front with names of who owns the plant
>I'd helped my mum in the garden before
>feeling confident
>everyone else either not watering theirs or fucking drowning it
>mines the best
>good strong stem
>very healthy
>now my name is matt h, yeah?
>there was this fat dickhead callet matt w in my class also
>somebody snuck into the classroom one break time and my label from 'matt h' to 'matt hew W'
>I see this and go fucking livid
>get disqualified from the plant competition because I can't prove the plant is mine
>Matt W inherits my winning plant
>kills it
Life is suffering I tell you what
>>27314403
>heathen colonials
The law required British schools to perform an daily act of collective worship, usually the Lord's Prayer and a hymn sufficed.
>particularly foggy day
>me and a few mates decide to use this to our advantage and leave school early
>we all walk into the foggy field and to the fence
>fog so dense that we can't be seen
>me and another guy are at the top of the fence in seconds
>other two are a little large so they can't climb
>spend an hour trying to dig a gap under the fence to crawl under
>not working
>decide fuck it and climb anyway, fuck those other two
>one of the bigger guys climbs it but the other just can't do it
>he decides to see if the gate is open on the other side of the school
>we walk around and meet him at the ice cream van
>literally 5 minutes left of school by the time we broke out
>come back next day to find we missed a surprise exam
>>27314673
had a couple kids hang themselves desu. one lad got smashed in the throat with a cricket ball but he lived. he was already deaf and mute into the bargain before that, fuck me what a tough break
>>27314600
>the kid who tried to climb on top of pic related during pe
>slipped halfway up
>caught his testicle sack on the metal hook to wrap string around
>ripped straight through it and tore his balls open
nothing in a gore thread will ever compare to what I saw that day
>>27312589
you did it lad dont let that fag take your glory
My tv viewing after school on friday
>>27314673
>the teacher who died
Who was it, famtachi?
One of the PE teachers died on the day that she was supposed to go along on a school trip to France. They had to tell the students on the plane.
>>27314666
Devil trips confirm that her name is Gina and that she is wank material
>>27314687
are we talking original bitmap brothers prince of persia? if so, iktfb
>>27313174
FUCKING JORDAN STOLE MY CRAZY BONES TOO
>>27313184
every time that hymn was sung the whole assembly started laughing. Eventually a Year 6 teacher shouted at all of us and told us not to
