>Be me
>15-17 stay at home playing games cause no school
>17-19 move in with this 4years older girl and just be at home, doing nothing
>19-20 she says she is sick, so spends year with me playing games,fucking at home
>20-21 get small inheritance, move to a motel and blow it all doing drugs and drinking with her
>21-22 move in to apartment, she goes back to work i stay at home doing nothing
>I snap and get toxic psychosis, think that mafia is out to kill me, that she is pregnant with some other guy and gave me std, think psychiatrist i was forced to visit wants to kill me with pills, end up in mental house with hardcore criminals, no outside time and 3 rooms with iron bars on the windows was classified as violent guy
>Be injected and fed with weird pills making me feel like empty husk, everything my mother and gf brings in gets stolen and i get beaten inside
>Think that mafia is after me until i breakup with my gf so i tell her i found a boy in the institute and whether she minds
>She goes away crying that we are over, still wants to visit me but im so "out there" i tell her to not bother
>My mother convinces them to let me go, so i move in with her to small apartment and her newest boy toy who is 5 years older than me
>Now Ex GF says how she is happy alone and that i was right in telling her she needs to be single for some time
>All my possensions are in exgfs apartment, i have nothing, no money, and psychiatrist said i cant go to work at all
>Exgf stops by talks with me a lot i still think mafia is after me cause of her so i dont make a move even though she kind of cuddles up to me
>Spend my days arguing with mother about how she fucked me up as a kid, getting shunned and literally walking from one end of the apartment to the other in circles
>Completely fucked up situation, exgf keeps chatting with me saying she knows we would end up back together if we saw each other irl
but that she doesnt feel that way anymore
What do robots, no pc, no weed, no booze,nogf
>>29985737
Can't you just disregard what the psych says and get a job? You sound like you really need your independence, at least from your shit mother. Though your ex doesn't sound like she would be a particularly good influence either.
Either way, I'd focus on taking care of myself physically, making sure I have enough positive socially interaction and have something constructive to keep my mind occupied to maintain and improve my mental health.
>>29985886
Thats the thing anon, i am afraid to death of going to work. I havent had any sort of regime at all since i was 15, i spent 7 years doing my own thing when and how i wanted it.
Also i just know that i would fuck things up royally, i can already see how they would start yelling at me that i suck and should gtfo man i dont know how to get over that.
I applied for disability and i might get it, if i get the full case, unable to work cause of mental illness i get around 380 usd, 320 euro each month.
But what do i do with that man, continue my boring as fuck neet life? Cant even have my own bank account and travel or something cause the mandatory health insurance, was told that i owe them around 3500usd/euro so they would suck any money i would recieve from the state.
Everyday i keep thinking about packing my broken backpack and just hitting the road but i am too afraid of the inevitable hunger and death, if i stay and get the disability thing then i will just stay neet at home with no friends, job or gf.
>>29985996
not him
>packing my broken backpack and just hitting the road but i am too afraid of the inevitable hunger and death
I did that exact thing for months, and not a day went by where I didn't eat anything. You're overthinking it, the world isn't as cruel as it seems.
Seriously though, I don't see why you don't just try and get back with the girl. No one is after you dude, and if you think you'd die of boredom from the life you're currently in, and you think you'd die of hunger if you were homeless, you might as well die having sex with her instead.
Here tell you what, if you need something to do learn some form of martial arts, or start meditating. Either one or both are enough to keep absolutely anyone entertained for multiple lifetimes.
>>29986205
Are you a robot though? Suffering from horrible social anxiety and all that jazz? If you are like me in that regard and still survived on the road then you have my applause anon, must have been both beatiful and horrible.
I keep trying to get back with her but she "exchanged" my place in our apartment for her 13yo sister, trying to act like her mother and "giving her a place she can call home". When i want to see her in real life instead of just chat she says she will stop by but later cause she is too busy with the little sister and that she doesnt want to settle down.
I told her we can do it differently, each living our own life but at least dating and she said our relationship destroyed us. That she is completely out of self-esteem , feels hurt and humiliated and that she needs to get that from somewhere.
So i told her i feel the same, that it wasnt me who broke up with her cause i was under all that medication and shit, that as the injections are leaving my body i am slowly coming back to myself and realizing what a treasure i have lost.
To that she replied she cant anymore, that she knows we would end up together if we saw each other in real life but that she doesnt feel it like she used to.
Meanwhile i spend my days walking from one end of this room to the other or walking the streets of this smallish town and looking for weed on the ground or off people.
>>29986312
>are you a robot though?
I was before I went on the road, but honestly not anymore. My problems were less in the range of social anxiety and more like I was just always looking down on people, I was an extremely angry person. Leaving was a pretty big turning point. As a NEET living with my parents I was haunted by the thought that one day I'd have to either find work or off myself. Realizing that I could just do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and still survive without even needing to prey upon others calmed me down quite a bit. I spend all of my time indoors in full NEET mode these days just because I want to make a videogame, but I'm telling you this kind of life kind of sucks. When I was on the road I could just lay down and stare at the sky and I was happy. I was at peace the entire time. I didn't have a single desire or a single regret, I never felt like I was wasting my time. I was pretty much the embodiment of "I'd rather do nothing, than be busy doing nothing". When I was homeless I didn't even masturbate, even though up until that point I had been doing it 3 times a day at the minimum. It really was beautiful, I should add that there was a horrible part to it though, and that was the cold. It would take an extremely strong mind to be outside on a cold night and not be affected by it. Hypothermia drives you a little insane. Having a desire to do things like raping and killing people isn't strange at all on a cold night.
Too bad about the girl I guess, she'd probably cave in if you were just persistent enough, but if you don't want it enough to be persistent about it then just forget it. It's not worth caring about at that point.
I'd say you should think back to what you instinctively wanted as a very small child, before anyone started forcing their own desires onto you. I remember seeing a film around the age of 2 or 3 years old that made me want to learn to fight with swords. I haven't been disappointed with that sort of thing yet.
