No matter what I do or how good my intentions are everything is wrong and everyone hates me for it, my last 2 months have been nothing but guilt and regret.
On the upper side I got hold of some pretty strong antidepressants so life's not that bad right now
Living like a NEET and enjoying it
>>29960953
You living at your parents house or do you have your own home?
>>29960942
My parents think that I'm planning to go to law school, but I've actually been planning to kill myself upon completing undergrad since I was 16. So I'm just sort of going along with what they want for the time being, filling out applications and doing an internship so I have some extracurricular stuff to put on there. I feel guilty sometimes for not telling them.
Well I quit my shit job a week ago. I just dropped 200 on some good weed and ima use it to sell to people playing pokemon go so I wont be broke while I look for another job. It's been a pretty good summer tho
>>29960990
How do you want to kill yourself? Helium? Gun? Jumping of a bridge?
>>29960942
Been homeschooled and living in a trailer in the woods my whole life. Haven't had a friend in almost 5 years, and leave the house once every 3 weeks or so.
wagekek because I couldn't stand living with my mother any longer
have a gf but can't stand her either
hoping to make it with art someday
>>29961024
Shotgun loaded with buckshot, in my mouth at a slight upward angle to ensure that I hit the brain stem and that flinching can't make me miss and blow my face off like all those poor bastards who tried shooting under their chin. And of course I'll cover the walls, floors, and furniture with tarps to minimize cleanup time and effort.
I had a really close friend, but then she just told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore one day. Now I don't have anyone to talk to. Even on here, nobody wants to be my friend. I'm losing my mind because I'm so isolated and lonely. I don't think I'm going to make it until next year.
>>29962114
Don't forget that we robots will always be there to a least emphasise with you
>>29962110
Even at death you try to make life for the people around you easier?
>>29962246
Of course. No reason to inconvenience them more than necessary. I think I might leave them a tip too.
>>29962077
Why the fuck do have have a gf that you don't even like?
>>29962270
Kek, swallow 100 bucks in a plastic bag before you go, the autopsist will have a nice weekend
Every day is the same. I go to work, come back tired, shitpost, watch anime, and on the rare occasion play video games. I never go out and have no friends, I don't talk to anyone unless I or them need something. I buy anime figures and have a dakimakura but I look pretty normal and don't show signs of doing that in public. Trying to lose weight, I'm not a pig or anything just a few pounds too heavy. I've lost 10 pounds and am aiming for losing 10 more.
Feels pretty empty. I'm starting to lose interest in most anime, now that I realize most characters are significantly younger than me and much harder to get invested in or relate to.
>>29962525
I guess in due time there will be nothing to do anymore except working and sleeping anon
>>29960942
Barista
applying to medical school
fighting with girlfriend a lot these days
worried about my sanity
>>29962618
You seem to have it better than most people here, good for you
>>29962077
How did you move into your own place on a wagecuck salary? I could be making $13/hr and it wouldn't be nearly enough. Rent around here averages around $1800.
>>29962644
Thanks man. It's all a bit of an illusion though, the cracks are starting to show. Professionally i'm fine but personally i'm fucked.
Been doing lots of bad stuff lately and gf can practically smell it, hence tension.
>>29962600
Maybe. I guess most people at my point moved on from video games to marry and make families, while I'm just stuck here. I remember when I was younger I used to unconsciously look at everyone as if they were a few years older than me, even if they were the same age or slightly younger because they were so much further ahead of me in life. I used to think "in a few years I can be like that". Being older now I feel really pathetic when I realize I've been thinking of a guy 7 years younger than me as older just because he has a wife and kids.
I don't want to die or anything I just feel very hollow and uncaring, whichever way things turn out is fine by me.
>>29962682
Wtf, where do you live? have to pay about 180 euro per month it's a pretty small apartment though
>>29962722
What do you mean "bad stuff"?
>>29962731
I get what you mean, however I at least get to ignore it with booze and video games
>>29960942
Suicidal, falling back into old habits, can't dig myself out, spend all day doing nothing, can't get hired anywhere, can't afford school and can't get student loans (thanks to my mom).
In the last 3 days I've gotten maybe ~10 hours of sleep total, mostly from passing out from exhaustion momentarily.
>>29962750
Fuck man, I'm so jealous. I live in Washington, DC and all I can do is daydream about moving out. There's hardly even a point in getting a job, since the money I'd make would count for nothing.
>>29962765
Agh just the usual fake normie shit. She's very social so developed this whole sphere of people around us. I guess they think we're friends but I constantly feel like I'm under surveillance. Lately my patience has been weak, gotta get my shit together.
Every few months I get this itch and I've got to indulge my fetish with randoms from Craigslist or kik. I feel like it improves our relationship because I can finally calm down but it gets sketchy and sometimes there's signs she can see.
If she found out we'd be over but I need her for at least the next four months.
>>29962815
Seems like you need a small time job (Mcdonald or generally just as a waiter)
And some antidepressants
>>29962765
Idk. How are you doing?
>>29962837
You should consider yourself lucky that you can even get laid by random strangers. Unless they're uggos or something.
Most people look at me like I'm less than human.
>>29962855
How am I doing?
-> >>29960942
>>29962872
I feel you man, I can hear people muttering about me just because I walk past them
>>29962842
I was working at a medium sized law-firm until I quit for mental health reasons. I now sell weed and xanax for chump change.
Anti depressants are placebos mate. In the last 2 years I've gone to 3 different psychiatrists who prescribed me; prozac, celexa, lexapro, zoloft, paxil, and seroquel +prozac combo. Shit's literally done nothing, except seroquel which is cancerous.
>>29962909
Seems like you had shit psychiatrist's.
I use cipralex, some kind of serotonin booster. Takes a month to work but the suicidal thoughts are gone
>>29962908
In my case it's at least justifiable because I'm physically deformed. So, yeah, life dealt me a shit hand, but I have an excuse and that's something.
>>29962959
What do you mean deformed? Had an accident?
>>29962872
Sorry bro. You'll get there, a physical deformity can take you far in academia. Often fulfills quotas.
>>29962970
Born deformed due to Marfan's Syndrome.
>>29963009
This is true, although I can't think of anything I'd major in at the moment.
>>29960942
A haze. Minutes, hours and days pass by and yet, instead of moving, I'm stagnating with my thoughts . I exist on a plane of constant mental rumination and over-analysis of my present and possible future life instead of actually living the previously planned activities.
Life has became a fog in general and I don't seem to care or care to engage in it anymore.
>>29963033
Seems like you need drugs
>>29963031
Anthropology is a nice comfy department. Lecture occasionally, read books, write wildly speculative essays. It's like they teach you to be an awesome dinner party guest.
>>29962883
Yapp
>>29963033
Get to the city. Biggest city you can and plant yourself in the middle of it.
If that doesn't work go try being a crust punk.
Promise you anon.
>>29963053
Have done mushrooms 8 times, lsd 4 times and weed every other week. Do they expand consciousness? Not really, rather they give you a false sense of unity and okayness about what goes on in front of your eyes.
>>29963086
After summer I'm finishing my last year of mech eng and getting a paper/degree. I really hope I can get back that excitement about learning how stuff works and design in general. I can't remember the last time I was exited, but I am okay with it. Everything is fine
>>29963061
That's a good idea. Problem is, my dad won't shell out unless it's a major he approves of. But, I guess like you said, I could apply for scholarships.
>>29963163
You could get full rides at a lot of colleges. Maybe scholarship housing too.
And then go into just a wee bit of debt, it won't kill you, and get that there phd acceptance with the essays about how the field you want to go into relates to your disability and then get payed to sit in leather chairs and read. If I could go back that's what id do.
You'd be like the Italian critic from 2666
